9 Ngā Ture mō te Hononga Polyamorous e ai ki tētahi Tohunga

Kua roa tātou e rapu ana i te "tangata kotahi" me te "hoa wairua". Ka hangaia e tātou he putanga whakaipoipo o te harikoa-ā-muri ake tonu atu me te tangata takitahi i whakaritea hei hoa mō tātou. Ka huri haere tonu tēnei whakaaro i roto i ā tātou pāpāho me ngā mahi toi, me roto hoki i ō tātou whakaaro tahi. Nō reira, he tino uaua ki a tātou te mārama ki ngā ture whanaungatanga polyamory me polyamorous.

Ā, he take pai anō hoki. Ko te marena kotahi te kaupapa matua o ā mātou whakaaro mō te aroha me te whakahoahoa, puta noa i ngā hapori. Engari me tēnei tuhinga, me te tohunga hoki ki ā mātou patu, ko tā mātou mahere he whakangāwari ake i te rere i roto i ngā wai pōrearea o te marena maha.

Kaiako whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga Shivanya Yogmayaa (kua whai tiwhikete ā-ao mō ngā tikanga rongoā o te EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT, me ētahi atu), he tohunga ki ngā momo momo kaunihera mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, i kōrero mai ki a mātou mō ngā mea katoa e pā ana ki te whanaungatanga maha-tāne, kia taea ai e mātou te kawe atu ki a koe he tirohanga whānui mō te kaupapa, me te āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki te māmā o tēnei ariā uaua.

He aha te whanaungatanga polyamory?

Ko te kupu Kariki ko te Poly, mō te tini, me te kupu Latina ko te Amore, mō te aroha, ka hanga ngātahi i tēnei kupu e iwa ngā reta. He rerekē, ko te tikanga o te mono ko te kupu i ahu mai ai ngā kupu pēnei i te monogamy me te monoamory. Mā te Poly tātou e mārama ai ko te tikanga o te polyamory ko te aroha ki te tini tāngata. Mā te whai i te tohutohu a tō mātou tohunga, Hiwanya, nā te hunga i tino aro nui ki tēnei, me tāpiri atu e tātou te kupu "whakaae" ki tēnei whakamāramatanga. Ko te polyamory ko te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he whanaungatanga aroha, he whanaungatanga piripono rānei, me te neke atu i te kotahi te tangata i te wā kotahi, me te whakaae a te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana.

I roto i te whanaungatanga maha-hoa, ka taea e ngā hoa te tūhura i te aroha ki tua atu i ngā rohe o tētahi ki tētahi. Engari he whanaungatanga tuwhera te maha-hoa? Ko te maha-hoa, pērā i ngā whanaungatanga tuwhera pērā i te whakawhiti hoa rangatira, te swinging, te unicorn dating rānei, he momo tikanga matatika, he whakaaetanga kore-mono-wahine rānei, engari he mea nui kia mōhio he rerekē rāua.

E kī ana a Shivanya, "Kaua tātou e whakaaro he rite te whanaungatanga maha-hoa ki ētahi atu momo whanaungatanga me ngā hoa maha. Hei whai whanaungatanga maha-hoa, me whai paearu whanaungatanga tuwhera engari me whai." ngā wāhanga o te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga kei te wāhi, he rerekē ki ngā whanaungatanga tuwhera, e kore nei e hiahiatia te whakaatu i te tuakiri o ētahi atu hoa. Tērā pea ka whiriwhiri ngā hoa aroha maha ki te pupuri i te tuakiri o te hoa o tā rātou hoa, engari he whakatau whakaae tēnei.”

He rerekē anō hoki te polyamory i ēnei ariā nā te mea he maha ngā wā ka arotahi te polyamory ki te aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono, kaua ki te mea he moepuku noa iho. E ai ki a Shivanya, "Tērā pea ka noho te moepuku hei kaupapa matua mā te hunga i roto i te whanaungatanga polyamorous, kāore rānei. Tērā pea he hoa polyamorous platonic me ngā hiahia kare ā-roto anake mai i a rātou anō."

Kaua te whanaungatanga maha-hoa e whakaarohia he whanaungatanga pakaru, kāore he whiringa a ngā hoa engari ko te whakaae ā-roto ki te whanaungatanga a tō rātou hoa. Ko ngā whanaungatanga maha-hoa he mea whakaae harikoa, ā, ko te whiringa a te hunga e whai wāhi ana. Ko te hua o te harikoa, me te whai i te harikoa, kei te whai rāua i te harikoa.

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He pēhea te mahi a ngā whanaungatanga maha-ira?

He wāhi pai tēnei hei whakauru mai i te ariā o te "whakakotahitanga". Ko te whakakotahitanga te kaha ki te harikoa ina harikoa tō hoa ahakoa ehara koe i te pūtake o taua harikoa. E kiia ana he ritenga kē atu tēnei i te hae. Ā, ki ngā tohunga, kua rite ki te tūāpapa o te whanaungatanga maha. E whakapono ana ngā kaitautoko i te whanaungatanga maha he ariā herekore te whanaungatanga kotahi, e whakaae ana kāore e taea e te tangata kotahi te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia katoa o te tangata.

Ko te nui haere o te tangata he nui ake te aroha. Ā, me nui ake te harikoa ki te kite i tō hoa e whiwhi ana i te harikoa. Heoi anō, me kī atu kāore e tika kia maha ngā wā e pārekareka ana koe ki te whakahāwea, ki te kore rawa rānei. Kāore he whakama o te hae i roto i te hapori polyamory. He wāhi tō te hoa ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou hiahia, ā, ka rangona, ka arohia hoki i roto i te huarahi hauora, kore whakahāwea. Te whakatau i te hae i roto i te whanaungatanga polyamorous he mahi ātaahua te mahi i roto i te huarahi whai hua, whai ngākau aroha hoki.

Ko te ariā e uru ana ki te huihuinga o ngā kare ā-roto, te aroha, ngā āwangawanga, me ngā wehi o tētahi rōpū tāngata, me nui te tuku o ētahi mea. Ko te whakawhirinaki, te pono, te pakeketanga, te māramatanga, me te nui o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero — he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tonu, he maha ngā wā he hoha — kia ora ai te whanaungatanga, kia tupu ai hoki.

He tohutohu nui tā Shivanya mō te whanaungatanga maha-amorous, "Ko te whakaae, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tonu me te tuwhera, me ngā ture kua tautuhia mārama, koinei ngā mea tino nui e toru hei whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga maha-amorous."

He maha ngā momo hanganga o ngā whanaungatanga polyamorous i runga i te maha o ngā hoa, ō rātou whārite tetahi ki tetahi, me te tūranga o ia tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga ki te rōpū. E whakahua ana a Shivanya i ētahi o ngā hanganga maha e taea ana:

• Ko te tokotoru, te rōpū rānei: Tokotoru ngā tāngata e uru ana ki te whanaungatanga, kāore e hiahiatia kia uru atu rātou tokotoru tetahi ki tetahi. E whakamārama ana a Shivanya, "He tokotoru anō hoki te tāne, tana hoa wahine, me tana hoa wahine."
• Te tapawhā: E rua ngā tāne me ngā wāhine polyamorous e hono tahi ana tetahi ki tetahi
• Ko te polycule: He whatunga hono o te tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga polyamourous
• Te whanaungatanga whakarara: E mōhio ana ia tangata ki ngā whanaungatanga o tōna hoa rangatira, engari kāore e tino whai wāhi ki ngā whanaungatanga o ōna hoa rangatira.

Ka kōrero anō a Shivanya mō te momo tino noa o te polyamory i ēnei rā. E mea ana ia, "Ko te nuinga o te hunga polyamorous i ēnei rā kāore e hiahia ki te whakakotahi i ō rātou tuakiri, ō rātou oranga, ō rātou kawenga ki te hoa rangatira, kāore hoki rātou e hiahia ki te noho tahi i ngā kāinga. E mōhio ana rātou he polyamorous katoa rātou, engari ko te tikanga he oranga takitahi tā rātou, e huihui ana mō te aroha."

I roto i te whanaungatanga maha-whakapapa, kāore te tangata e whakatairanga i tētahi hononga i runga i ētahi atu. He rite tonu te hiranga o ngā hoa katoa, ā, ka tohaina te wā i runga i te whānuitanga me ngā hiahia o te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana. Kāore rātou e noho tahi ana.

E 9 ngā Ture Whakawhanaungatanga Polyamorous Tino Hira e Taunakihia ana e te Tohunga

Kāore e taea te whakahaere angitu i te whanaungatanga maha-ira me te kore e whakararuraru i a koe, ki te kore koe e piri ki tētahi huinga ture matua. I whakatakotoria e tā mātou tohunga ētahi ture whanaungatanga maha-ira hei maumahara māu ina whakaarohia ana, ina uru atu rānei koe ki te whanaungatanga maha-ira i a koe e noho ana i roto i tētahi hononga.

1. Whakaarohia ōu whakaaro mō te whiriwhiri i te marena maha

"He aha koe i rapu ai i te polyamory?," pātai atu ki a koe anō. He maha ngā take ka whakatau ai te tangata ki te tahuri ki te polyamory. He mea nui kia mārama ōu whakaaro. Kei te ngana koe ki te "whakatika" i tētahi mea mā te polyamory? Nā te mea, ki te pono tēnā, "tērā pea ka arahina koe ki te mamae nui," te kī a Shivanya. Ko te te turanga o tō whanaungatanga Me kaha te whanaungatanga kia taea ai te tu atu i ngā wero ka pā mai i tētahi hononga maha-hoa.

Mā ōu whakaaro e whakatau te huarahi ka anga atu ai tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Kaua e whakamātau i te whanaungatanga maha-ira i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga o nāianei hei rongoā hei kimi i tōna mura kua ngaro. He huarahi te whanaungatanga maha-ira mō te tangata ki te tūhura tahi i te aroha, ehara i te mea hei kimi i te aroha kua ngaro.

2. Tirohia te hauora o tō whanaungatanga o nāianei kia mau tonu ai te whanaungatanga maha-hoa

E kī ana a Shivanya, "Ka taea anake te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore te tokorua i aroha noa, engari kua pakeke hoki i roto i te aroha. Ehara i te mea kua whanake noa iho rāua i roto i a rāua anō, engari kei a rāua anō te mōhiotanga wairua. Ki te kore, ka taea e te maha o ngā hoa te hanga pakaru i roto i ō rāua whanaungatanga me ngā pakaru hinengaro i roto i a rāua anō."

Tirohia koe anō: He aha te taumata pakeke o tō whanaungatanga? He pēhea te pakeke o kōrua ko tō hoa ki te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto me ngā kare ā-roto tauhou? He aha te tikanga o te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto kaha? He aha tā kōrua i haere ai tae noa mai ki tēnei wā? te mārama, te tautuhi me te whakahaere i ngā pakanga me ngā wero kua pā ki a kōrua? Kei te pai koe ki te moepuku, te hiahia me te aroha? He whanaungatanga hauora tō kōrua ki ēnei? He aha ngā whakaaro me ngā whakaritenga cisheteropatriarchal e mau ana i a kōrua ina tae mai ki te aroha me te hiahia?

E mea ana a Shivanya, "Tērā pea koe e hiahia ana, engari kua pakeke koe? Ka taea e koe te piri ki ngā ture whanaungatanga polyamorous?" Mā ēnei pātai koe e āwhina ki te whakatau mēnā kua rite koe ki te ruku ki te ao polyamorous.

3. Kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i te whakaaetanga a te hoa

I roto i tā māua kōrero, i kī a Shivnanya ko te whakaae te mea tuatahi o ngā ture whanaungatanga polyamorous, me te tāpiri, "Koinei anake te huarahi ka taea e koe te whakatū i te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga. Ā, ki te kore ēnei, ehara i te polyamority. Ko tāu e uru atu ana he mea kē." He whanaungatanga tuwhera te polyamority? Ae. Ka taea e koe te mahi mā te huna i tetahi mea mai i tō hoa? Te mahi i tetahi mea me te kore whakaae a rātou? Kāo! He tinihanga tēnā. Ā, kāore he wāhi mō te tinihanga i roto i ngā ture whanaungatanga polyamorous.

Ka tāpiri atu ia, "Ki te kore te tangata e rite mōu ki te mahi i te polyamory, ka nui te kino ki a rātou nā te mamae, te riri me te kore haumaru, me te mangere e pā ana ki a rātou i te ringa o te hoa tohe." Te tūranga o te whakaae, koinei te tūāpapa mō te whakawhirinaki, me te rerekētanga. Me rapu tonu i te whakaaetanga kaha a tō hoa i mua i te tīmatanga o tētahi hononga aroha maha māu. Kaua hoki e tinihanga i a rātou mō tā rātou whakaaetanga. Tērā pea ka hoatu e ia ki a koe te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe i tēnei wā, engari ka hinga te hononga mēnā he tinihanga me te tinihanga te pūtake. Ki te kore e taea te whakaae, ko te wehenga pea te otinga pai rawa atu.

4. Kia mau tonu te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kia mau tonu ai te whanaungatanga aroha

Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tonu, he mea nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga ataahua, he whanaungatanga maha-hoa. Kāore he mea kino atu i te āputa whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga maha-hoa ko te noho tahi tonu. Ka whakamahia e Shivanya te kupu "haere tonu" i ia wā e kōrero ana ia mō te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera. Me noho te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i ngā wāhanga katoa, mai i te whakapuaki i tō hiahia ki te whanaungatanga maha-hoa ki tō hoa, ki te kōrero mō ngā rohe me te whakaae, te whai mahere mahi, te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto kino mēnā ka puta, te whai kupu haumaru, te kōrero mō te huringa tonu o ngā kare ā-roto, ngā āwangawanga, ngā harikoa, me ngā hiahia e pā ana ki te tangata ina uru atu ki te whanaungatanga maha-hoa.

He rite tonu te hiranga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki tā Shivanya e kī nei, "Kaua e tinihanga i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, kaua hoki e whakapoauau i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero." Kia pono tō whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Koinei tētahi o ngā ture whanaungatanga maha-hoa e tohe ana ki te mārama me te pono, ā, kia kaua rawa e whakarērea tō hoa.

5. Kia aro ki tō hoa me āna hiahia

He mea tino nui kia aro nui ki tō whanaungatanga o nāianei. E whakatūpato ana a Shivanya, "Ehara i te mea ko te katoa o te hunga i roto i te whanaungatanga maha-aroha e mārama ana, e rongo ana rānei i te aroha i ngā wā katoa. He tino ngāwari te uru mai o te hae, koia te mea tino nui kia aro nui ngā hoa ki ngā whakaaro o tētahi ki tētahi." hiahia aronganui me ngā āhua o te hinengaro.”

He mea whakamere anō hoki tana whakahua i te take o te raruraru o te wā me te hiahia kia whai hua te whakahaere wā kia taea ai e koe te whakarato i te wā kounga ki ia whanaungatanga, ina koa mēnā he whanaungatanga matua tāu.

6. Kōrerohia ngā rohe me ngā herenga ki ō hoa rangatira kia whai hononga aroha maha

Kia tino mōhio koe ki te mea e pai ana ki a kōrua katoa. Ko ētahi o ngā whanaungatanga maha ngā tauira rohe Kei te pātai atu koe ki ō hoa mō te nui o tā rātou e hiahia ana ki te mōhio mō ō hoa kē atu, ngā rā i a koe e noho tahi ana, te oranga moepuku, me ērā atu. He aha ngā āhuatanga o tō whanaungatanga kē atu (ngā whanaungatanga rānei) kāore e hiahia ana ō hoa ki te mōhio, ā, ko ēhea ngā mea e hiahia ana rātou ki te whai wāhi atu? Waihoki, ko ētahi hoa e tino hiahia ana ki te mōhio ki ō hoa kē atu, ko ētahi kāore.

Kei te tono a Shivanya kia tūpato koe kia kaua e takahi i ngā rohe o ō hoa. Ko ētahi atu tauira o ngā rohe aroha maha e homai ana e ia, "Ina uru mai ngā hoa maha me ngā papamuri rerekē, ngā tuakiri me ā rātou ake raruraru, ka uaua pea te whakatere i te āhuatanga. Mā ngā rohe me te whakaae tahi ka āwhina i te pupuri i ngā hiahia o te katoa."

7. Kia ngāwari ki ngā rohe e huri haere ana

Kia kaha ki te arotake i ō kare ā-roto tetahi ki tetahi. Koinei tētahi o ngā ture whanaungatanga maha-aroha e tono ana kia ngāwari koe. Kia mārama koe kāore te katoa e pai ki te whanaungatanga maha-aroha i ngā wā katoa. He uaua te whakaae ki tētahi whanaungatanga maha-aroha mō te tini o te tangata, inā koa he mea hou ki a rātou. Ko te tangata i kī tuatahi he pai ki a ia, tera pea ka huri tōna whakaaro i muri mai i runga i te āhua o tana wheako.

Me whakapau kaha koe ki tō hoa rangatira kia whakaae tonu ki ngā rohe e huri haere ana. Mā tēnei whakawhirinaki ka taea e rātou te whakapuaki i ō rātou āwangawanga me ngā rohe ki a koe, me te kore e mataku kei whakapōrearea koe, kei ngaro rānei tō aroha. I tētahi atu taha, he tika kia mahi koe i te polyamory mēnā koia tonu koe. Ā, mēnā kua huri te whakaaro o tētahi hoa rangatira mō tēnei mea, me ata whakahaere tēnei, engari ka taea pea te arahi ki tētahi whakataunga, ki tētahi wehenga rānei nā te mea he rerekē ngā hiahia whanaungatanga.

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8. Whakamahia te moe haumaru

"Ina moe tāne koe me ngā hoa maha, me mahi koe i te moe haumaru," te kī a Shivanya e pā ana ki tētahi atu o ā mātou ture whanaungatanga polyamorous tino nui. Kia tino tupato ki te tiaki i a koe anō mai i ngā Mate Tuku Ira Tangata (Ngā Mate Tuku Iho). Whakamahia he parenga pēnei i te ure tārewa, te ārai niho, me ētahi atu. Kia mau ki ngā tikanga pai mō te akuaku me te moepuku. Kia auau te whakamātautau. Kia māia ki te pātai ki ō hoa mō ō rātou tūnga moepuku. Kōrerohia te moe haumaru.

Whakatūria ngā paerewa hauora ā-ira mōu ake, ā, kia tino whai kawenga mō aua paerewa. Ina uru koe ki ngā whanaungatanga maha-hoa, me titiro koe ki a koe anō hei wāhanga o tētahi katoa. Ka riro māu te kawenga mō te hauora ā-ira o tētahi rōpū nui ake o te iwi.

9. Kia kaha ki te whakaako i a koe anō

Me pēhea tātou e whakamutu ai i tētahi rārangi o ngā ture whanaungatanga polyamorous me te kore e whakahua i te hiahia kia ako tātou anō. Kāore he mea hei whakakapi i te hiranga o te mātauranga. Pānuihia, rangahauhia hoki te polyamority kia pai ake ai te whakatere i te kore-monogamy. Akohia ngā kōrero a ngā tohunga mō te kaupapa. Mā te pānui i ngā wheako o ētahi atu polyamorists me te ako i ngā kupu tika, i ngā kupu rānei, ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakapai ake i ō kare ā-roto.

Mā ngā kupu ka hanga whakaaro. Mā ngā whakaaro o ngā tohunga, ngā tohutohu mō ngā whanaungatanga maha-aroha, te wetewete i ngā akoranga, me te kupu tika ka mōhio koe ki ngā mea kāore koe i mōhio kei roto i a koe ngā kare ā-roto. Ka puta he pakeketanga ki ō whakaaro. Ā, ka taea e koe te mārama ki a koe anō me te whakapuaki i a koe anō ki tō hoa.

He uaua te aroha mō te tangata kotahi, engari ki te nui haere te aroha, ka nui haere te uaua o ngā mea.

E whakaatu ana a Shivanya i tētahi tirohanga mai i tana mahi mō ngā take whanaungatanga ā-ira tangata, me te kī, "Ina hiahia tētahi hoa ki te neke ki te momo noho polyamorous me tana hoa, engari kāore tana hoa rangatira i te tino tuwhera ki te whakaaro, ka tino uaua te wā whakawhiti mai i te monogamy ki te ployamory mō te tokorua. He uaua te whakaae ki tētahi whanaungatanga polyamorous. Ko te tangata kāore e hiahia ana, tera pea ka tino mataku i te ngaronga o tana hoa. Ko te hoa e hiahia ana, tera pea ka rongo kua whakakahoretia."

E tino tohutohu ana a Shivanya, "Ki te mea kei te paepae koe o te neke mai i te moe tāne kotahi ki te kore moe tāne kotahi, me rapu tohutohu koe i tētahi tohunga kia mōhio ai koe me pēhea te kōrero i tēnei ki tō hoa, me pēhea rānei te whakarite i a koe anō mō ​​tēnei, me pēhea rānei te ahu whakamua ahakoa kua rite kōrua."

Hei whakamāmā i tēnei whakawhiti māu, mēnā rānei kei roto koe i tētahi hononga maha-hoa, ā, kei te raru koe, rapua he āwhina mai i te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau o Bonobolgy.

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