He mea tawhito te aroha ki tētahi, me te aroha tonu, he mea e whakaaroarohia ana, e tautohetohetia ana e ngā hoa aroha, e ngā kaitito, e ngā tohunga whakaaro me ngā tohunga hinengaro. Nā te mea he take te aroha i ngā āhuatanga e rua, he uaua ki te whakautu i te pātai "he rerekē te aroha ki tētahi i te aroha?" Te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha - he uaua ki te paunatia ngā mea e rua.
Ko te aroha te wāhanga tuatahi o te aroha, arā, ko te wā e arohaina ana koe, e kanapa ana ō kanohi, e whero ana ō paparinga i ngā wā katoa, ā, e rite ana ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa mō tō hoa aroha. Kei te mura tonu te ahi, ā, kāore e taea e kōrua te noho wehe. I tētahi atu taha, ko te aroha ki tētahi, ko te aroha rānei ki tētahi, he puhoi ake te wā, engari he kaha ake, he roa ake te wā. Koinei te wāhi e tino mōhio ai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, e whawhai ana ki ngā piki me ngā heke o tō whanaungatanga, e hanga ana hoki i tētahi hononga ka taea te tu atu i ngā awha o te ao tūturu.
Ko te rerekētanga tino pono i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha ki tētahi e ahu mai ana i tēnei māramatanga. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakataurite i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha, engari he rerekētanga pono, he rerekētanga uaua hoki i waenganui i a rāua. Me ngā tirohanga a te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu Kavita Panyam (He Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro, he hononga ā-ao ki te American Psychological Association), kua neke atu i te rua tekau tau e āwhina ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakaoti i ō rātou raruraru whanaungatanga, kua kitea e mātou he 15 ngā rerekētanga tūturu i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha.
15 Ngā Rerekētanga Tino Pono i waenganui i te Aroha ki tētahi me te Aroha ki tētahi
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Tērā pea kei te noho koe i reira e whakaaro ana he aha te rerekētanga i waenganui i "Aroha ahau ki a koe"vs" Kei te aroha ahau ki a koe". Ina mārama, kei te kitea hoki te aroha i roto i ngā mea e rua, he aha rawa te take e rerekē ai? Āe, hikitia mai he tūru ka whakarongo mai. Kei te tata tātou te aro atu ki te hohonutanga me te whānui o te rerekētanga nui i waenganui i te aroha me te aroha, me pēhea hoki te wehewehe i a rātou.
"He āhuatanga motuhake tō te aroha ki tētahi. He mea hanga ki te ao tūturu, ki ngā mea e kawea mai ana e rātou, ehara i te mea he tirohanga noa iho, he mea whānau mai rānei i te whakaaro noa iho," te kī a Kavita. "Kei te mōhio koe ina aroha koe ki tētahi, engari kei roto i te hinengaro ngaro te aroha."
"Ko ngā whanaungatanga i hangaia i runga i tēnei, kāore e taea te tu atu i ngā wā pōrearea nā te mea kāore koe i tino aroha ki te tangata kē, engari i roto i tō whakaaro noa iho. Pēnei, ka mutu pea he maha ngā whanaungatanga kore angitu i mua i te mōhio kāore te aroha i te rite ki te aroha ki tētahi. Ko te aroha ki tētahi ko te aroha ki ō rātou uara, ki ō rātou whakapono, ki te whakaute i a rātou, ki te kite i a rātou mō rātou anō, me te mōhio he pai koe."
1. Te wikitoria i ngā arai ngātahi, kaua te mahi takitahi
Ae, he arai te aroha ahakoa te āhua, engari hei whakautu i te pātai "he rerekē te aroha ki tētahi i te aroha", tirohia te āhua o tāu whakahaere i aua arai. Kei te tautoko tonu kōrua tetahi i tetahi ina puta he raruraru, he rite rānei ki te "ka mahi koe i a koe, ka mahi ahau i ahau"?
E toru marama a Marcia rāua ko John e piri tahi ana, ā, mēnā ka pātaihia, ka kī pono rāua he aroha nui tō rāua. Engari i ngoikore haere tō rāua aroha i ngā wā katoa e ngana ana te whaea o John ki te whakatūkino i a rāua, i ngā wā rānei e kī ana ngā hoa o Marcia ki a ia kāore a John i te tangata tika māna. Ka puta ake ngā feaa me ngā raruraru i roto i ngā whanaungatanga katoa, engari ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, kaua ki te aroha, ka kōrero tahi kōrua, ka ngana ki te kimi i tētahi otinga hei rōpū.
Kāore i taea e Marcia rāua ko John te kōrero mō ēnei mea raruraru hononga kāore he pakanga kino, kāore hoki he whakapae. Kāore a Hōne i aro ki ngā kupu whakatūpato a tōna whaea, ko Marcia ia i whakarongo noa ki ngā tohutohu a ōna hoa. Engari i whakatōkia ngā feaa tūturu ki roto i ō rāua hinengaro, ā, kāore i taea e rāua te aro atu me te wikitoria ngātahi i aua feaa.
"Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ka whakatau kōrua kia tipu tahi, kia tatari tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka noho haumaru tonu kōrua i roto i te hononga. Ehara i te mea he kare ā-roto, kei reira kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, ehara i te mea kei te whārangi kotahi, engari kei roto i te pukapuka kotahi. Nō reira, e mōhio ana kōrua ahakoa he aha ngā arai e pā mai ana ki a kōrua, kua rite kōrua ki te whakatau tahi i aua arai," te kī a Kavita.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Raruraru o te Hononga: 21 Ngā Pātai hei Pātai atu hei Whakamārama i tō Mahunga
2. Aroha me te ngākau nui anake
Kāore e taea te whakanui rawa i te hiranga o te taatai, te kukume me te ngākau nui i roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi anō, he mea nui, ki te kore e nui ake, kia atawhai tetahi ki tetahi i waho o te whare moenga. Ina tautohetohe koe mō te aroha ki tētahi, me te aroha rānei, tirohia ō kare ā-roto, me te whanonga ki a rātou ina kore koe e tino ngenge. Ka mirimiri koe i tō rātou tuara ina ngenge rātou? Whakarongo ki a rātou me te aroha ina pāngia rātou e tētahi rā kino? Ka kata koe ki ā rātou katakata kino ahakoa kāore i te tino kata?
Ko te aroha tēnā, ahakoa kāore i te rite te āhua whakahihiri ki te ngākau nui, he mea nui rawa atu ina aroha mutunga kore ki tētahi, ā, ka waiho pea hei take whakatau ina whakaaro koe mō te rerekētanga i waenganui i te "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe" me te "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe". Ina aroha koe, ā, kei te ārahi ngā homoni i ō nekehanga katoa, ā, kei te rere ngā endorphins ki ngā wāhi katoa, he ngawari noa iho te riro i te ngākau nui me te harikoa.
Engari ki te hoatu e kōrua tetahi ki tetahi maimoatanga puku i waho o te rūma moe, ki te kore rānei e taea e kōrua te whakaae ki tētahi mea nui i tua atu i te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā he aroha tēnei, he aroha rānei. "Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ka tukuna e koe te aroha, me te ngākau nui, te harikoa me te rangimarie. E mōhio ana koe ki te wāhi e anga atu ana koe, ā, kāore he whakaaro pohehe mōna. E mōhio ana koe ki te tangata tūturu e arohaina ana e koe, ā, ka whakaohokia e rātou te aroha i roto i a koe, te wāhanga pai rawa atu o koe," te kī a Kavita.
3. Te whakaaro nui, te titiro rānei ki tētahi mōna ake āhua
He pūrongo māu. Ko te wahine ataahua, ātaahua, rite ki te putiputi e arohaina ana e koe? Tērā pea kei a ia take papa, nama kāri nama me te moemoeā kia noho ko ia anake i Tuscany, ka taea e ia te takoto i roto i tana hāte moe, me te inu waina me te kore e tohaina. Ko taua tangata kua kite koe? Ko te tangata nāna koe i whakapaipai ki ngā putiputi me te whakakatakata? He tino pea kei te moemoeā ia mō te hoki ki tōna tūru me te mātakitaki whutupaoro mō te nuinga o te pō i mua i te moe me te ngongoro nui kia ara ake ai te hunga mate!
E whakarāpopoto ana a Kavita i te rerekētanga tino pono i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha ki tētahi i roto i te rerenga kotahi. "Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ka kite koe i te kete katoa, ā, ka aroha koe ki a rātou mō ō rātou āhua." E tohu ana hoki ia he uaua te tangata, he hoha, he rerekē, he whakarihariha hoki. Arā, he tangata te tangata, ā, ko te aroha ki tētahi ko te kite i a rātou i roto i ō rātou āhua tangata paru, werawera, me te kore e mataku.
He maha ngā wā, ko te aroha, ahakoa te aroha nui ki tētahi, ka tohu pea i a ia ki runga i te tūāpapa, ka kite i a ia he tino tangata. Ā, e mōhio ana tātou katoa ko te koretake te āhuatanga tino tangata o ngā āhuatanga katoa. Ina whakaarohia e koe ngā rerekētanga i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha, ko te mea nui ko te kite i a ia he tangata hapa, he koretake, kaua e panaia he kanohi teka o te tino pai ki runga i a ia, kātahi ka pouri ina kore e tutuki i a ia taua hiahia.
4. Te whakapau kaha, te noho noa rānei
Whakarongo mai, ehara i te mea he hē te whanaungatanga noa; engari ina kōrero koe mō te aroha ki tētahi, kaua ki te aroha, he mea nui te whakapau kaha. Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi, engari kaua e aroha ki a rātou? Ae, ka taea e koe. Engari ki a Jessie, ko te ritenga kē. I rite ia ki te aroha engari kāore i tino aroha ki a rātou. "He maha ngā marama e piripono ana ahau ki tēnei tangata, ki a Andrew," te kī a Jessie. "He mīharo ngā mura ahi. He pai ā māua kōrero, sex nui, ā, i tino piripono. He tohu pai katoa ngā tohu.”
Engari i tere te mōhio o Jessie, i te wā e whakamahere ana i te rā e whai ake nei, i te haerenga tahi rānei i te mutunga wiki, kāore tōna ngākau i roto i tēnā. "I pōhēhē ahau mō ngā mahere, kāore au i hiahia ki te whakapau kaha ki a ia. I tua atu, i haere tahi ahau me ētahi atu tāne i ētahi wā, ahakoa i tino pai ahau ki a Andrew. I kite ahau kei te aroha ahau, engari kāore au i aroha ki a ia," tana kī.
Ae, ehara i te mea he pango, he mā hoki i ngā wā katoa, ā, ka taea e ngā whanaungatanga noa te puāwai hei herenga. Engari i te nuinga o te wā, ko te kore e rite mō te herenga ki ngā mahere ā meake nei, tae noa ki te herenga ki te mōhio pono tetahi ki tetahi, he tohu kei te aroha koe, engari kāore koe e aroha ki a ia. "Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ehara i te mea he moemoeā - e mōhio ana koe ko wai ia, ā, ko te herenga mai i ngā taha e rua. Kei te tipu tahi kōrua, kei te wikitoria tahi i ngā raruraru. Kāore koe i te hiahia ki te hiri i te hononga, engari e pai ana koe kia puta ko ia anake. Engari ina aroha koe, kāore koe i te tino mōhio, kāore hoki i te tino māia," te whakamārama a Kavita.
5. Te whakapau i tō wā katoa ki a rātou, kaua ki te whakarite wāhi mō ētahi atu
He mea nui te taurite i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ā, ko te aroha ki tētahi e kore e tohu i te aukati i te katoa i roto i tō ao. Ina tino aroha koe ki tētahi, tera pea ka kitea koe e noho tahi ana me rātou anake, ā, ka tapahia atu ō hoa me tō whānau. He mea tēnei āhuatanga whanaungatanga hauora kore ahakoa kei te aroha koe, ā, ko te tikanga hoki kei te tumanako koe kia whakatutukihia e tētahi tangata ō hiahia katoa. Ehara i te mea he koretake noa iho tēnā, engari he nui hoki te pēhanga ki te whakatakoto i tētahi e kī ana koe e arohaina ana e koe.
Ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, kāore koe e tumanako kia wātea tonu mai rātou ki a koe, ā, kāore anō hoki rātou. Ka tino pai tō wairua ki te whai i ō ake hoa me ō porowhita pāpori, ki te haere ko koe anake, me te whakaae kei a koe ētahi atu tāngata i roto i tō ao e arohaina ana e koe, ā, he rite tonu te hiranga ki a koe.
"Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ka noho pūmau koe, ā, kei te tipu tahi, kei te tipu takitahi hoki. Kei te hono tonu kōrua, kei te māhana te ngākau ina whakaaro koe ki a rātou, e mōhio ana koe nō kōrua tētahi ki tētahi. Engari, ka taea e kōrua te aroha ki te tini o ngā tāngata, ā, ka pōhēhē koe nā te mea he tirohanga whānui tēnei mō te aroha, ehara i te mea motuhake, ā, he iti ake te pānga ki te whakapau kaha."
"Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ka whakawhirinaki koe ki tētahi, nā te mea e mōhio ana koe kei te hono koe. E mōhio ana koe ka taea e koe te kōrero me te hono atu i ngā wā e hiahia ana koe, ā, e makona ana koe i te hononga. Ko te whakapau i tō wā katoa ki a rātou ehara i te aroha ki tētahi, engari he aroha nui atu nā te mea he koretake te āhua. Ko te rerekētanga i waenganui i te aroha me te aroha ki tētahi, ko te aroha ki tētahi he kare ā-roto pakeke ake, he kare ā-roto tūturu," te kī a Kavita.
Te pānui e pā ana: 21 Ngā Rerekētanga Matua i waenganui i te Aroha me te Hiahia
6. Haumarutanga me te kore haumaru
Ka puta te koretake o te whanaungatanga i roto i ngā hononga aroha pai rawa atu, engari ina kōrero koe mō te aroha me te aroha, kei te kōrero anō koe mō te marino me te haumaru o roto, kaua ki te wehi tonu kei mahue koe, kei makaia rānei, kei pātai rānei i ā rātou nekehanga katoa. Ina aroha koe, ā, he kaha ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki tēnā, te kore pumau o te whanaungatanga Tērā pea tētahi o aua kare ā-roto. Tērā pea he mea hou tonu, ā, kāore koe i te tino mōhio, tērā pea e mōhio ana koe kāore tēnei e roa, tērā pea kāore anō kia homai te whakamanawa e hiahia ana koe. Me aro tonu koe, me ngā mahi whakamiharo hoki hei whakamana i a koe ko te aroha tēnei.
Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ehara i te mea ka mōhio noa koe kei te arohaina koe, engari ka noho pūmau hoki koe i roto i tō rātou aroha. Ka kite koe i ngā nekehanga iti, mārire, ā, he kaha tō wairua nō tetahi ki tetahi, ahakoa kāore kōrua e noho tahi tonu ana, kāore rānei rātou e kī mai ana e aroha ana rātou ki a koe i ngā wā tekau i te rā. "Ko te pūmau i roto i te aroha ko te tikanga ka hoatu e kōrua he wāhi ki tetahi ki tetahi kia whānui, kia tipu hei takitahi, hei tokorua hoki," te kī a Kavita, "Ā, ina aroha kōrua, ka hiahia koe ki te mōhio ki ā rātou nekehanga katoa nā te mea kāore anō kia whanakehia e kōrua te wairua whakawhirinaki."
Ko te noho haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga te tika taketake rawa atu e hiahiatia ana e te hunga e noho haumaru ana i roto i te whanaungatanga mai i a rātou anō, mai i te whanaungatanga tonu hoki. He rite te mahi haumaru ki te punga. Ina noho haumaru te tangata, ka rite te mahi i runga i te whanaungatanga ki te mahi whai hua, whai hua hoki. Nō reira, ko te haumaru te tino rerekētanga tino kitea me te pono i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha ki tētahi. He hononga tata te aroha ki tētahi me te noho haumaru.
7. Te pono me te āhua o te mata
Ki ahau nei, ki te kore e taea e au te noho tahi me koe i roto i aku tarau poto moe me te piko o te kaki, kāore au e aroha ki a koe, ā, kāore au e hiahia! Ina aroha tātou, ka hiahia tātou ki te whakaatu i te putanga pai rawa atu, te toa rawa atu, te kaha rawa atu, te ataahua rawa atu o tātou. Ko ō tātou ngoikoretanga, ko ō tātou whara me ngā whakaaro tautohetohe ka taupokina e te paparanga matotoru o te "me waiho he whakaaro pai". Ina aroha tātou, he uaua ki te noho hei tangata pono, me te whakaatu i te tangata e arohaina ana e tātou ina he ana tātou, ina tangi kino ana.
Tirohia tō pono hei tarau moe kare ā-roto, hei karu hoki. Ko te āhua e tino marino ana koe, e tino whakamarie ana hoki. Kātahi, tirohia mēnā ko koe tonu taua āhua ina noho tahi koe me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe, e arohaina ana rānei e koe. Mēnā kua kite rātou i a koe i te ata, he pukuriri, kāore he meke-ake, he tūponotanga kei te aroha kōrua tetahi ki tetahi.
Te pānui e pā ana: 5 Ngā Huarahi Mā te Pono ki a Koe Anō Ka Āwhina i a Koe kia Mārama Ake ki Tō Hononga
"Nā taku hoa taumau ahau i tiaki i roto i te rewharewha kino rawa atu," te mahara a Maya. "I ruaki ahau, ā, kāore i taea te mutu te tihe - i pupuhi taku ihu, i waiwai hoki ōku kanohi. He torutoru noa ngā marama e piri tahi ana māua, ki taku whakaaro kāore ia i kite i ahau me te kore mascara tae noa ki taua wā. Engari i noho tonu ia, ā, i kite i ahau i roto i te raruraru. Ā, i mōhio ahau he aroha." Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe, "Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi me te kore e aroha ki a ia?", tirohia te pono o tō kōrua noho tahi, ā, me whiwhi koe i tāu whakautu.
E mea ana a Kavita, "He pono koe i mua i te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. Kei reira te āhuatanga o te mea ngaro, engari he mea e pā ana ki te aroha, ehara i te aroha noa. Ahakoa kāore i angitu, he pono, he pono hoki. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whai i tētahi huarahi. Ka taea e koe te hiahia kia pai rātou, me te neke atu nā te mea ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi me te kore e whai hononga ki a rātou. Koinei te ataahua o te aroha. Ehara i te mea kino te piripono engari me whai hua, kaua e waiho hei mea noa." te whanau paitini. "
8. Te ātea me te piripono
Ko te kī atu i tō ake wāhi me te tuku atu ki tō hoa aroha te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Engari i te wā e aroha ana koe, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te tuku wāhi ki tō hoa aroha, ka mataku rānei koe ki te tono wāhi mai i a koe. Mā te noho tahi tonu ka puta he haumaru mōu, ā, ka uaua ki a koe te tuku atu.
Engari, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, ka mārama koe e hiahia ana rātou ki te wāhi tinana, kare ā-roto, me te hinengaro, ā, e kore koe e mataku ki te tuku i a rātou kia noho. Inaa, tera pea ka whakarite koe kia aroha koe ki tētahi e haumaru ana ki te tuku i a koe ki tō wāhi ake ina hiahiatia. Kei te whakaaro koe, "He pai ake te aroha ki tētahi, te aroha rānei ki a ia"? E mōhio ana tō puku ki te whakautu. Ka taea e koe te rongo i te aroha ki tētahi he mea whakawātea, he mea whakaora. Ko te hoatu wāhi ki a rāua kia tipu ai, kia eke ki te taumata teitei me noho hei kaupapa matua mō te whanaungatanga.
Ko tētahi o ngā mea hauora rawa atu ka taea e tātou te mahi mā tātou anō me ō tātou hoa rangatira, ko te waihanga me te kī ko wai tō tātou ake wāhi hei whakakaha i a tātou anō, hei hoki anō ki te noho hei tangata pai rawa atu. Ko te whai i tō ake kokonga i roto i tētahi wāhi noho tahi, te haereere takitahi i muri i tō mārenatanga, te whakarite kia whai wā koe mōu ake – ko te mahi i ēnei mea katoa, me te tuku atu i te mea kotahi ki tō hoa rangatira tētahi o ngā tohu o te aroha ki a rātou, kaua ki te aroha ki a rātou.
9. Ngā wero he whai wāhitanga mō te tipu, me te ngāwari tonu
Whakarongo mai, ehara mātou i te kī me mau tonu te aroha, me mahi whakamānawa. Kāore rawa! Engari ko te pono ko te aroha ki tētahi he nui te ako, te whakatere me te whakaae. Ahakoa he hoa wairua kōrua, ā, he tino pai te noho tahi, he uaua te ara ki te harikoa aroha. Ina aroha kōrua, ā, he nui te hiahia, ka tino māmā ngā mea. Ka rite kōrua ki te whakaae ki ngā mea katoa, ahakoa ehara kōrua i te tino whakaae! Ka kapi te ao i te kanapa whero, kāore he mea e hē.
Heoi, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, he nui te mahi e hiahiatia ana hei pupuri i te whanaungatanga. Ka huri, ka tipu te tangata, ā, me mōhio anō koe ki tō hoa aroha i ngā wā maha. Ka huri anō hoki ō ake tumanakohanga mai i te aroha, ā, me whakahaere anō hoki aua tumanakohanga. Mō tētahi hēkona, ka ārai pea tēnei i a koe kei titiro ki te aroha ki tētahi hei mahi e tika ana mō tō kaha me tō wā. Kua tīmata pea koe ki te whakaaro, "He pai ake te aroha ki tētahi, te aroha rānei ki a rātou i te mea he mahi uaua te aroha ki tētahi?"
Engari kāore te aroha i te ōrite – ka puta ngā āhuatanga o te mana o te whanaungatanga, te hae, ngā wā uaua (pūtea, kare ā-roto, hauora) me te maha atu o ngā mea e hiahia ana kia kaha, kia arohia hoki. Ahakoa te āhua ngāwari o te aroha, he poto noa iho te wā. I tētahi atu taha, he rerekē te kōrero o te aroha ki tētahi. He wheako roa, he wheako whakarei hoki. Engari kia mau tonu ai, me kaha te mahi.
10. Ngā whāinga ā-wāhanga ngātahi me ngā whāinga takitahi
I roto i ngā kupu a te kamupene, e kōrero tonu ana rātou mō te "kitenga tahi". Ahakoa he rite tō kino ki te ahurea kamupene ki ahau, he huarahi pai tēnei ki te titiro ki tō whanaungatanga, inā koa mēnā kei te whakaaro koe, "Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi me te kore e aroha ki a ia?" "I piri tahi māua ko Diana mō te tau, ā, he tino aroha māua," te kī a Steve. "Engari i te āhua nei kāore e taea te whakaaro i tētahi heke mai tahi. I hiahia ahau ki te noho ki Boston, ki te taha o tōku whānau. I hiahia ia ki te haereere i te ao, ki te haere ki te wāhi i haria ai ia e tana mahi me tana hiahia. He mea nui ake ki a māua ā māua whāinga takitahi i te noho tahi."
Ehara tēnei i te āhuatanga rerekē, kāore hoki i te kī he aroha tūturu te aroha i whakapuakina i konei. Engari ko te kaupapa matua ko ō rāua hiahia me ō rāua wawata takitahi, tae noa ki te wā i pai ai rāua ki te whakakore i tō rāua hononga. He tino pai te aroha, tae noa ki te wā e puta ai te patunga tapu nui. Kātahi, i te mea kei te taurite tō aroha me tō whanaungatanga, me whakatau koe.
Kei te whiriwhiri koe māu ake, kei te whiriwhiri rānei koe me tō whanaungatanga i roto i tō hinengaro? Kei reira te rerekētanga tino pono i waenga i te aroha ki tētahi me te aroha ki a rātou. "He ngāwari te whakaaro i tētahi heke mai tahi ina aroha koe ki tētahi," te kī a Kavita, "Kāore koe e pātai ana ko tēnei tētahi e hiahia ana koe ki te hanga tahi i tētahi mea, kāore hoki koe e wehi kei ngaro tō tuakiri."
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11. Te kaha o te hiahia me te kare ā-roto pumau
Kāore ianei tātou katoa e aroha ana ki te tere o te aroha hou! Kāore e taea te mutu te menemene, kei te tuku karere koe, kei te kōrero i te pō katoa, ā, kua ki tonu koe i ngā kare ā-roto, he mea whakamiharo kāore koe e pakaru mai hei whetu pērā i te kiriata Disney. Engari, he aha te mea ka puta ina mate te tere, pērā i ngā mura ahi? He aha te mea hei whakakapi? Ki te mea kei te aroha koe, tera pea i te mutunga o taua kare ā-roto, ka mōhio koe kāore he mea hei whakakapi. Heoi, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, kua hangaia e koe tētahi mea kaha, pai hei tango.
Te manaaki, te āwangawanga, te ngākau aroha – koinei ngā kare ā-roto ka noho hei mea nui rawa atu i roto i tō ngākau ina aroha koe ki tētahi, ahakoa te teitei, te iti rānei o te ngākau aroha. He whānuitanga o ngā kare ā-roto pumau ka mau tonu i waenganui i a kōrua ahakoa ngā uauatanga. Inaa, ka kaha ake tō aroha ina puta ngā uauatanga.
12. Te hononga mahi tahi me te mana pupuri
I kī mai tētahi tāne i piri tahi māua, "Ko te kupu tuatahi e puta ake ana ki te hinengaro ina whakaaro ahau ki a koe ko 'nāku'." He tino kaha, he tino aroha hoki ki ahau, e 22 tau te pakeke. Engari ki te titiro whakamuri, ko te iti noa iho o tana mōhio ki ahau, me taku mōhio ki ahau anō, ko taku whakaaro anake ko te iti o tana mōhio ki ahau. He pai te noho tahi tetahi ki tetahi, engari kaua e wareware he tangata motuhake kōrua i roto i te hononga aroha. Ko te aroha me te kukume tahi he mea nui, engari kua kitea tonutia e au ko te whakahoahoa te pūtake o tētahi whanaungatanga.
Ina aroha koe, he ngāwari te whakakore i ngā mea pēnei i te whakaaro o te hononga mahi tahi, te mana whakahaere me te whakahoahoa, nā te mea kua piri rawa kōrua tetahi ki tetahi. Ina aroha koe ki tētahi, tera pea ka taea e koe te whiwhi tirohanga hauora me te mohio kei roto koe i tētahi hononga mahi tahi, he whakahoahoa e iti ake ana te "āu" me te "āku" engari he nui ake te "ā tāua".
13. Te mōhio ki te whānau o tētahi ki tētahi, me te noho hei tāngata tauhou
He mea nui te mōhio ki te whānau, ki ngā hoa, me te porowhita pāpori o tō hoa aroha. Mā tēnei ka mārama koe ki te hunga nāna rātou i whakatipu, ki te hunga e karapoti ana i a rātou, me te momo tangata e whai tikanga ana ki a rātou. Ina aroha koe, ko kōrua anake te mea nui. Kei roto kōrua i tētahi porowhita aroha iti makutu, kāore kōrua e hiahia, e hiahia rānei ki tētahi atu. Engari ko te tikanga o tēnei, kei te kite koe i tō hoa aroha e noho mokemoke ana, kaua e taea te kite i tōna āhua me tōna whānau, me ōna hoa, me te ao whānui.
Waihoki, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, kaua ki te aroha noa, me whakauru koe i a ia ki tō porowhita whānui nā te mea e hiahia ana koe kia tūtaki te hunga e arohaina ana e koe tetahi ki tetahi, kia noho tahi hoki. He mea pai ki te whakawhānui, ki te whakanui, ki te tohatoha i tō porowhita aroha, kaua ki te kati i a koe anō ki roto.
I ētahi wā, ko te harikoa ki te whakaatu i tō hoa rangatira ki ō hoa me tō whānau he tohu kei te tino whakahīhī koe ki a rātou. E aroha ana koe ki a rātou mō ō rātou āhua, ā, e tatari ana ki te whakapuaki i a rātou ki ētahi atu e aroha ana ki a koe. Ka taea e koe te aroha ki tētahi me te kore e aroha ki a rātou? I tēnei wā, e aroha ana kōrua ki a rātou, ā, ka rongo kōrua i te kaha o te aroha ki a rātou ina whakaatu ana i a rātou hei tangata whakamiharo kei a kōrua!
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14. Te wahangu whakamarie, te haruru tonu
Ehara i te mea mēnā kua roa koe e aroha ana, kāore e pau ngā mea hei kōrero tetahi ki tetahi. Engari, ki tā mātou whakaaro, ina aroha koe ki tētahi, kua rite koe ki te whakakore i te hiahia ki te kōrero tonu me te miharo i a rātou. Ko te rerekētanga i waenga i te aroha me te aroha ki tētahi, mēnā kei te aroha koe ki tētahi, tera pea ka hiahia koe ki te whakangahau tetahi i tetahi i te rā katoa, i ngā wā katoa. Ka whakararuraru ngā wā puku i a koe nā te mea e whakaaro ana koe he hoha koe, kāore rānei tō hoa aroha e tohatoha ana i ngā mea ki a koe.
Engari tera pea ka aroha koe ki tētahi, ka pērā tonu ngā mea ka mahia e te tangata ina tino pai ki a koe, pērā i te noho puku me rātou, inā koa i muri i tētahi rā roa, pukumahi. Tērā pea ina aroha koe ki tētahi, kāore koe e hiahia ki te haruru i ngā wā katoa kia rongo ai koe i te arohaina, i te manaakitanga me te whakamere. Me ngā haruru katoa e karapoti nei i a tātou, me ngā reo katoa i roto i ō tātou mahunga e kī ana kia nui ake tā tātou mahi, kia nui ake hoki tā tātou mahi, tērā pea he puku te aroha, e whakamōhio ana ki a koe kua nui tēnei, kua nui koe.
15. Hononga hōhonu vs hononga mata
Ina mōhio koe, e mōhio ana koe. Ehara ianei tēnā i te mea e kōrerotia mai ana e ngā pūrākau aroha nui katoa? He hononga kāore e taea te whakamārama, he here e kore e mārama engari e mau tonu ana i ngā whakamātautau o te wā. Ina aroha koe, tera pea i te mata he maha ngā mea ōrite me ngā mea hei kōrero māu, engari i tētahi wāhi, kāore tonu koe i te tino mōhio. He mahi kotahi tā kōrua, he rite ngā mahi whakangahau, ā, he āhua pai katoa. Heoi anō…
Heoi, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, tera pea kāore e noho tahi ana kōrua i runga i ēnei āhuatanga ōrite o waho. Tērā pea he rerekē rawa ngā āhua o kōrua, engari ka tino haumaru, ka tino oti hoki te noho tahi. Nā te mea e ōrite ana ō kōrua uara matua. Ngā mea pēnei i ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e kōrua mai i tētahi whanaungatanga, ō kōrua whakaaro me ō kōrua ariā, ō kōrua pūnaha uara, me ō kōrua whāinga mō te heke mai. Ka mōhio kōrua kei roto kōrua i ngā ringa pai. Ka wero kōrua tetahi i tetahi, ka kata tetahi i tetahi, ka ako tetahi i tetahi mō te aroha me ngā ao hou ka taea e kōrua te tūhura tahi.
Ko te aroha ki tētahi, kaua ko te aroha noa, he rite tonu te ngāwari ki te whakarongo ki tō puku, he rite tonu rānei te uaua ki te ako me te wareware i ngā akoranga aroha me te reo aroha mō te ao katoa. Tērā pea ka whakaaro koe, "he pai ake te aroha ki tētahi, te aroha rānei ki a rātou?"
Kāore he whakautu ngāwari. Heoi anō, ka taea e koe te whakaaroaro hohonu mō ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe i roto i tō oranga aroha. Kei te harikoa koe ki te aroha, ki te pārekareka ki te ngākau nui, ā, kāore koe e manukanuka mō te heke mai? Kāore rānei, e pai ake ana koe ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga kaha, tino pono e mōhio ana koe ka roa? Kia pono ki a koe anō, me te mahi i te mea e hari ai koe. Koinā te kaupapa o te aroha, ahakoa pēhea.
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
