Te Tauutuutu i roto i ngā Hononga: Te Tikanga me ngā Huarahi hei Hanga

Whakaarohia tēnei: ​​i tino rapu koe i tētahi ipu pungarehu tawhito hei whakaoti i te kohinga a tō tāne mō tōna rā whānau. I runga koe i ngā papa karere katoa, i ngā miro Reddit katoa, ā, i whai i ngā tohutohu katoa. I te mutunga ka riro i a koe, ā, ka ohorere tō tāne ki taua mea, ā, i tino harikoa ia. I te taenga mai o tō rā whānau, ka hoatu e ia he hāte i hokona mai i te toa. Kāore i te tino pai te āhua, āe? He mea nui ake te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i tō whakaaro. 

Engari he aha rawa te tikanga o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? He rite tonu te "homai me te tango" ki te whakawhitiwhiti koha tetahi ki tetahi? He aha te tikanga o te tauutuutu aroha? Ā, he aha te mea ka puta ina kore koe e pena? 

Me aro atu tātou ki aua pātai katoa e pupū ake ana i roto i tōu mahunga kia taea ai e koe te neke tata atu ki te noho hei "tāne tino pai" kua pānuitia kētia e koe i runga i te Instagram. Hei mahi i tēnā, i kōrero mātou ki tētahi kaiako whanaungatanga me te whanaungatanga piripono. Utkarsh Khurana (MA Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. Scholar) he kaiako manuhiri i Te Whare Wānanga o Amity, ā, he tohunga ki ngā take manukanuka, ngā whakapono kino, me te takitahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, hei tauira noa iho. 

He aha te Tauutuutu i roto i ngā Hononga?

Hei pupuri i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ahakoa i waenganui i ngā mema o te whānau, i ngā hoa, i ngā hoa aroha rānei, me whai hononga pai ki te hoatu me te tango. Kāore he tangata e pai ki te hoa noho e tango ana i te mīhini tapahi tarutaru me ngā taputapu o te māra me te kore e whakahoki mai. Ka mau te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina mahi ngā hoa e rua i roto i te huarahi e whai hua ai te whanaungatanga. Ko te mahi tēnei o te whakatū i tētahi taurite hauora i waenganui i te hoatu me te tango.

Ki te rapu koe i ngā tauira whanaungatanga tauutuutu, ko te wā tēnei e mutu ai te ngaungau me te waha tuwhera nā te mea i kī mai tō hoa he mea whakararuraru tēnei ki a ia. Ko te wā tēnei e whakahoki mai ai koe i tētahi manaakitanga, mā te whakaatu aroha, mā te mahi atawhai rānei, mā te horoi rihi rānei nā te mea i taka kai tō hoa. He mea tēnei e mahia ana e koe hei painga mō tō whanaungatanga. I roto i tēnei momo whanaungatanga, ka noho haumaru ngā taha e rua i roto i te wāhi me te hohonutanga o ngā kare ā-roto e whakapuakina ana e rāua tetahi ki tetahi, nā te mea he mārama ehara i te mea he... whanaungatanga taha-kotahi.

He mea nui kia mōhiotia ko te ariā o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kaua e whakamahia mō ngā huarahi whaiaro. E mea ana te Paipera, "Me mahi pai, kaua e tumanako ki tetahi utu." Waihoki, kāore e taea e koe te tumanako ki tetahi mea hei utu nā te mea i tīmata koe ki te ngaungau me tō waha kua kati. Ko te pupuri i tētahi kāri kaute he tunu mō te aituā. Ka karanga a Utkarsh i tēnei tauutuutu teka ko te "tauutuutu marshmallow", he mahi rānei "kua pania ki te huka" kāore he kiko, he pono rānei.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Ngana i roto i te Hononga: He aha tōna Tikanga me ngā Huarahi 15 hei Whakaatu

Ngā Momo Tauutuutu i roto i te Hononga

Ko te tauutuutu he taurite i waenganui i te tangata, ā, ehara i te mea ko ngā whanaungatanga aroha anake. Ko te tohunga ahurea, ko Marshall Sahlins i roto i ana pukapuka Pukapuka Ōhanga o te Wā Kōhatu kua tautuhia e mātou ētahi momo tauutuutu e toru ka matapakihia e mātou e pā ana ki te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha:

1. Te tauutuutu whānui

Ko tēnei momo tauutuutu e pā ana ki te mahi i tētahi mea me te kore e tumanako ki tētahi hokinga tika. Whakaarohia ngā tāngata atawhai, ngā rōpū aroha, ngā mahi atawhai rānei. Ko tētahi atu tauira e tata ana ki te kāinga ko ngā mea e mahia ana e tātou mā te whānau, mā ngā hoa, mā ngā mātua, i ētahi wā he manene, he whakaaro pai noa iho, me te whakapono ka whakahokia mai te atawhai ina kitea koe e te matea ana.

Ina honoa ki ngā tauira o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, ka kite koe me pēhea te hopu a te tauutuutu whānui i ngā mahi a tetahi hoa mō tetahi atu i ia rā, me te kore e tumanakohia he hokinga tika, he hokinga wawe rānei. Koinei anō te take ngā haki whero i roto i te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore te hoa kē e whakahoki mai i te aroha me te kaha ki te ngākau nui, ka kore e arohia.

2. Taurite te tauutuutu

He whakawhitiwhiti tika tēnei o tētahi mahi, o tētahi mahi pai rānei, ā, ko tōna utu he whakahoki mai i roto i tētahi wā kua whakaritea. Whakaarohia te mahi tuku koha i roto i ngā porowhita pāpori tawhiti. He tumanako kei te whakaarohia kia whiwhi koe i tētahi mea ōrite mai i te tangata e hoatu ana e koe he koha ki a ia.

Ka puta te tauutuutu taurite i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha ina whakarite koe i tētahi rā whānau mō tō hoa, ka hoatu rānei he koha ki a ia, me te mōhio ka mahia e ia taua mea anō, tētahi mea rite rānei māu i tō rā whānau. Ka mahi te tauutuutu taurite i runga i te "ture o te tauutuutu", e kī ana mā te mahi pai ka meinga koe kia whakahoki i te atawhai.

3. Te tauutuutu kino

I roto i ngā whanaungatanga tangata, ko te tauutuutu kino ko te tango i tetahi mea, me te kore e hiahia ki te whakahoki i te atawhai. Me ngāwari te kite i tēnei hei "tahae" i te tika o tetahi. Ko te whāinga i konei ko te whiwhi nui i te tangata ake me te kore e whiua. Mō ngā whanaungatanga aroha, koinei tonu te momo whakawhitiwhiti e kiia nei e ngā tohunga he hauora kore, tukino rānei me te tohutohu mō te kore.

Ina mutu tāu mahi i ngā mea mā tō hoa i runga i te ngākau pai, te atawhai, me te aroha, ā, ka mutu, ka pau katoa te aroha, ka wareware hoki tō hoa ki te tuku i te aroha, te tautoko, me te maioha ki a koe, he hua kino te tauutuutu i roto i ō whanaungatanga i roto i tōu ake kāinga.

He aha te hiranga o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

He hononga tata te hinengaro tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ki te whanaungatanga pai. Ina kore he taurite i waenga i te hoatu me te tango i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tūpono pea ka huri hei take o te whawhe aroha ā, ka huri hei whanaungatanga taha-kotahi, kāore hoki e makona. Whakaarohia; ki te mea kotahi anake te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e patu whakahere ana, e mahi ana hei kaituku, ka mutu ka pōuri rawa rātou. Tērā pea ka whakaaro rātou kāore te hoa rangatira e whakaaro rite ki a rātou, ka hinga katoa te mea. 

"I ia wā he kaupapa mahi tāna, ka whakakorehia e ia ā māua mahere me te mea kāore i te tīmatanga. Ka hurihia e au aku hui mahi, aku mahere me ngā hoa me te whānau kia taea ai e au te noho tahi me ia mō tētahi wā poto. Ina kore ia e aro ki taku mahi, te āhua nei kāore ia e aro nui ana," te kī a Josephine, e kōrero ana mō tana hoa rangatira, a Jared.

"Kāore au i te whakaaro kua puta he tauutuutu kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Kāore au i te tino māia, nā te mea kāore ia e whakaatu ana i tōna aroha," tāna tāpiri me te whakanui i te hiranga o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. I te ngaro o te mauahara, ka noho tonu te mauahara i te rangi, ā, ka mutu ka poke te whanaungatanga. I tana kīnga "ka taea e te tauutuutu te noho i roto i te kare ā-roto, te tinana, me te kore kōrero", ka whakarārangihia e Utkarsh ēnei hei take matua he mea nui te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga:

• Ngā kare ā-roto e kitea ana, e rangona ana: E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Ina whakautu te hoa, ka rongo te hoa kua whakamihia ā rātou mahi." Ko te whakautu kino i roto i te whanaungatanga he ritenga kē. Ka arahi ki te kore aro.
• Ka whakapakari i te hononga"Mā te tauutuutu ka whakaaro ngā hoa tokorua kei roto rāua i te waka kotahi. Ki te kore kei runga i te waka kotahi, kei te moana kotahi pea," tana kī. Mā tēnei wairua kotahitanga ka whakakaha te hononga o te tokorua
• Te noho whakaute tetahi ki tetahi: Ko te tikanga, ko te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e whakaatu ana hoki i te noho mai o te whakaute i waenga i ngā hoa mahiIna whakaaro ngā hoa e rua he ōrite tetahi ki tetahi, ka taea e rāua te whakatū i tētahi hononga hauora e hoatu ana, e tangohia ana, me te kore e mōhio.
• Kaua e tukua kia whakaaro koe kei te whakamahia, kei te whakahaweatia rānei koe: Ki te kore he tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka taea e ia te whakaatu i ngā raruraru nui ake, pērā i te whakaaro noa o tētahi hoa ki tētahi atu. Tērā pea kāore rātou e hiahia ki te "whakahoki i te atawhai" nā te mea e whakapono ana rātou ka noho tonu tā rātou hoa ahakoa te aha.

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki tōna hiranga, me tōna āhua, kei te ngana pea koe ki te whakatakoto i ngā whakataurite. Me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e koe te hanga i runga i tēnei kaupapa matua nui o tētahi hihiri, kei taka tōu ake ki te kore whakaaro. 

Me pēhea te hanga i te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga

"Ko au anake te tangata e patu whakahere ana i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, kāore koe e mahi i tetahi mea māku!" Mena kua rongo koe, kua kōrero rānei i tētahi mea ōrite i roto i tō whanaungatanga, tera pea nā te mea kei te whakaaro tetahi o kōrua kua warewarehia i roto i ō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ka taea e te kore o te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga te whakangaro i tēnei mea me te kore koe e mōhio ki te aha e tupu ana.

Ka taea e tēnei te waiho hei take mō ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe tonu nā te mea kei te whakaaro tetahi o kōrua he koretake ia, ā, kāore e mōhio me pēhea te whakapuaki i tēnā. Kia tino tata atu kōrua ki tētahi hononga pai, me titiro tātou me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakarērea te kāri kaute, engari kia mau tonu te haumaru ki ngā mea kei a koe me tō hoa.

1. Whakawhanakehia te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi 

I roto i te hononga o ngā ōrite, kino ngā pakanga mana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, kāore he whakaaro noa iho tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore te tangata e rongo i te hiranga ake, ko te tikanga kāore rātou e whakaaro he tika rātou ki tētahi manaakitanga motuhake mēnā kāore rātou e whakapau kaha. Wareware ki te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ko te kore whakaute tetahi ki tetahi he maha ngā take me aro tonu.

Ki te mea he maha ngā wā ka pāngia koe e te kore aro, te mamae, me te kore whai hua, tera pea ka pāngia tō whanaungatanga nā tēnei. E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Ina rongo te tangata i te whakaute o tōna hoa, ka whakaatu tēnei ki a ia kei te whakaae tōna hoa aroha ki a ia anō. Nō reira, ka noho haumaru ia i roto i te whanaungatanga." He hononga tahi te whakaute me te tauutuutu. Kia rite te whakaaro o ngā hoa e rua ki a rāua anō, ka nui ake tō koutou whakaute ki te whanaungatanga. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Kore o te Aroha me te Whawhai i roto i te Hononga — 9 Ngā Huarahi e Pā Ana ki a Koe

2. He ara e rua te tautoko

Me kī atu kua whawhai nui kōrua mō tētahi take e pā mai ana, ā, he hui kei te haere mai tā tō hoa rangatira kua roa nei e manukanuka ana. Ka taea e rātou te whakawhirinaki ki a koe hei tautoko i a rātou ahakoa te nui o te hamama o kōrua tetahi ki tetahi i te pō o mua? 

Ka puta te tauutuutu kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina tata tonu te tino taurangi o te tautoko. Ae, tera pea ka uaua ngā mea, ā, tera pea ka ārai tetahi i tetahi mō tētahi wā. He rerekē rawa atu mēnā kāore koe e pena. Ahakoa rā, ehara i te mea ka mutu tō tautoko i tō hoa i ia taahiraa o te ara. 

Ahakoa te aha i tautohetohe ai kōrua, te uaua rānei o te āhua o ngā mea o nāianei, ki te hiahia āwhina tō hoa, ko koe te tangata tuatahi ki te waea tere atu ki a rātou. Kāore e taea te whakatū i tēnei. Tuhinga o mua, ka puta mai mā te noho tahi me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe – i ngā wā katoa. 

3. He mea nui te whakawhirinaki pumau 

E pātai ana koe i te pono o tō hoa i ia wā e hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi wāhi whaiaro, i ia wā rānei e haere tahi ana rātou me ō rātou hoa? Ki te kore rātou e whakapā atu ki a koe mō tētahi rā i runga i tētahi haerenga mahi, kei te puta te āhuatanga kino rawa atu i roto i tō hinengaro, kei te inu noa rānei koe i tō martini, e pai ana ki tō wā mokemoke? Ki te werawera ō ringaringa i ia wā e ngaro ana tō hoa mō tētahi wā, me mahi pea koe ki te mahi. te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga.

Ina tae koe ki tētahi wāhi kāore koe e whakahē ana i te whakapau kaha me te pono o tō hoa, ka nui ake tō māia ki ngā mea kei a koe. Mā tēnei māia ka āwhina i te whakatipu i te whanaungatanga tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Nā te mea kāore koe e aro nui ana ki ngā huarahi katoa ka whara ai tō hoa i a koe, ka taea e koe te tuku i ō kaha ki te whakaatu i a rātou e arohaina ana, e manaakitia ana.  

4. Whakamana – he nui 

He aha te tikanga o te whakahoki aroha? Ina whakaatu koe i tō hoa rangatira e maioha ana koe ki ā rātou mahi iti mā roto i ō mahi iti, ka nui ake tō māia ki ngā mea kei a koe. Ka ohorere rātou i a koe me tā rātou keke tīhi tino pai i a koe e hoki mai ana i te mahi, ā, mā rātou e mahi ō mahi mō te pō.

He awhi ohorere, he koha iti, he torutoru noa iho rānei ngā hui mahi kua whakakorehia kia taea ai te noho tahi me te tangata e arohaina ana e koe; he rite tonu te kī a ēnei katoa: "E aroha ana ahau ki a koe, e mihi ana hoki ki a koe, tukua ahau kia whakaatu atu i tēnā ki a koe mā roto i ētahi mahi atawhai." Ngā huarahi hei whakaatu i te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga he mahi nui, he mahi iti rānei hei whakakatakata i te tangata e arohaina ana e koe – pērā i te kawe kawhe ki te moenga ina kore e taea e rātou te whakatuwhera i ō rātou kanohi i te ata Rātapu mangere. Mēnā rānei ka tono koe i tā rātou kai Hainamana tino pai i mua i te tono mai, i muri i te rā roa i te mahi.

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohutohu Māmā hei Hanga Hononga Hauora

5. Whakawhiti korero marie me te pono 

Ahakoa te kore e mōhio, kua homai e ngā kiriata kua mātakihia nei e tātou he tauira whanaungatanga tauutuutu mai i te tīmatanga. Ko ia wāhanga whakaora a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i te kiriata e penei ana: "Ina mahi koe i tēnā, ka pēnei taku whakaaro." Ae, he ngana ngāwari rawa atu tēnei ki te whakaatu i te āhua o te whakaora a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, engari he mea tonu tēnei e akiaki ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakawhanake i te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.

Mā te kōrero noa ki tō hoa i ō kare ā-roto me ō tumanakohanga ka taea e koe te āwhina i a rātou ki te mārama ki ngā painga o te whanaungatanga. Mena kāore e taea e kōrua te kōrero tuwhera tetahi ki tetahi nā te wehi, te āwangawanga rānei, he take tēnā me aro tonu atu koe. Mena kei te whakaaro koe kāore e taea e kōrua te kōrero tetahi ki tetahi me te kore e whakaoho i te tautohetohe, tera pea he pai te rapu āwhina mai i tētahi tuatoru ngaio kore whakaaro, pērā i te kaiwhakaora hinengaro mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine.

Mena kei te rapu āwhina ngaio koe hei whakarite kia tata atu tō whanaungatanga ki tētahi hononga taurite, he tauira noa iho te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro o Bonobology. pāwhiri atu.

6. Mā te wāhi whaiaro ka āwhina i te tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga 

Ka taea e te wāhi whaiaro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga te pupuri i te whanaungatanga. Mā te noho tahi i ia wā o te ara, ka hoha ngā hoa ki a rātou anō, ka ngangau tetahi ki tetahi, me te kore e mōhio he aha te take o te ngangau me te taumahatanga. Ahakoa te āhua rerekē, e whakaatu mai ana te whakaaro tauutuutu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga mā te tuku wāhi tetahi ki tetahi me te whakaute i ngā rohe o tetahi ki tetahi, ka taea e koe te whakatipu i te whakaute me te tauutuutu. 

E kī ana a Utkarsh, "Mā te wāhi ka whai wāhi te tangata ki te whakaaroaro hohonu mō ōna kare ā-roto. I roto i taua whakaaroaro hohonu ka whai wāhi ki te tuku whakautu pono. Mā te kōrero ki a koe anō, mā te whakautu ā-roto rānei, ka taea te whakautu ā-iwi."

Ehara i te mea e whakaarohia ana e tātou, engari ko te tauutuutu i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whakatū i tētahi wairua hauora, kāore he kupu, "Ko taku mahi he patunga tapu māu, he aha koe te kore ai e taea te mahi i tetahi mea māku?". Mena kua maha āu mahi ki te pupuri i te kaute mō te hunga e mahi ana i te aha mā tetahi atu, tera pea ka nui ake te pai o tēnei tuhinga ki a koe i tō whakaaro.

Nā te mea kua mōhio kōrua ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana kia whakamanahia kōrua, kia tau ai te wairua, ko te tumanako ka taea e kōrua te neke atu ki te whai i te whanaungatanga tino pai e hiahiatia ana e tātou katoa. Ae, tera tonu ngā pikinga me ngā hekenga, engari i te iti rawa ka mōhio kōrua kei reira tonu kōrua mō tētahi ki tētahi – he atawhai i ia wā.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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