Ngā Tuatahi Aroha e 10 i roto i te Hononga mō te Tokorua

He tino oranga ngākau te noho i roto i tētahi hononga hou. Te ngangau o ngā kare ā-roto, te pūrerehua i roto i te puku, te ngākau e patupatu ana i te kaha ake i te pahu i roto i tētahi kōnohete. Āe! Te aroha. He maha ngā mea tuatahi i roto i tētahi hononga hei tumanako mā te tokorua kua tīmata te whakaipoipo. Koinei te wā e hanga hononga hōhonu ana koe ki tō hoa, ā, ka mārama koe mēnā ko ia te tangata tika māu. 

Kia pono tātou, ehara te whanaungatanga kaha i te mea hanga mai i te makutu me te puehu whetu. Me atawhai e koe me te manawanui, te mārama, te manaaki me te aroha. I a koe e puāwai ana te aroha, he maha ngā mea tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga hei āwhina i a koe ki te hanga hononga kaha ake ki tō hoa rangatira.

He rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga kei ia tokorua, e tohu ana kua rite rāua ki te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga, ā, he mea nui ēnei mahi mō te tokorua i te wā e whai ake nei. He mea nui te rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi mō ngā tokorua, pērā i te wā tuatahi ka tūtaki ai rāua ki ō rāua mātua, tae atu ki tētahi mea ngāwari pērā i te wā tuatahi ka rongo ai rāua i a rāua e ngongoro ana. 

10 Ngā Tuatahitanga Hira i roto i te Hononga

Haunga te kihi tuatahi, he maha ngā mea tuatahi nui o te whanaungatanga e tumanakohia ana e ngā tokorua. Ahakoa te hunga e whakarihariha ana ki te aroha, e harikoa ana ki te whakapuaki i ngā mea tuatahi e kore e warewaretia i roto i te whanaungatanga ka taea e kōrua te titiro whakamuri me te aroha ki te whai i tētahi haerenga ki muri. He rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi mō ngā tokorua e mahi ana hei ngā pou hanga mō te whanaungatanga kahaNō reira, me titiro tātou ki ngā mea tuatahi e 10 i roto i te whanaungatanga: 

1. Te poroporoaki mō te wā tuatahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga

Ehara i te mea he mea whakahihiri ngā mea tuatahi katoa o te whanaungatanga. He tino kare ā-roto te wā tuatahi ka poroporoaki koe i te tangata i muri i tō noho hei mea hou. Kāore koe e hiahia kia mutu te rā, ā, ka hiahia koe kia tata ki tō hoa aroha, engari ka pā mai te ao tūturu ki a koe, ā, ka kohia e koe te maia ki te poroporoaki i a rātou.

Ko taua poroporoaki tuatahi e tohu ana i te āhua o ō tātou whakaaro mō te tangata kē, ā, he mea nui tēnei i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te pōuri koe i a koe e poroporoaki ana, ko te tikanga kei te tumanako koe ki te kite anō i te tangata, ā, he tohu tēnei e hiahia ana koe ki te whakapuaki i tētahi hononga kare ā-roto kaha ki a ia.

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2. Te wā tuatahi e pupuri ringa ana tētahi tokorua

He tino ātaahua te whanaungatanga, ko te pupuri ringa. Āe, he māmā noa iho tēnei, he rite ki te taiohi, he rite ki te kiriata, engari kia manawanui mai. He mea nui te pupuri ringa mō te wā tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. He whakaatu i te pono me te whakawhirinaki. Ina pupuri ringa koe, ka ataata tahi, ka mārama koe he ahua tamariki, engari mā tēnei tohu aroha ka tata atu koe ki te tangata kē.

He tohu aroha te whiri i ō maihao me tō hoa i a kōrua e hoki mārire ana ki te motuka mai i te wharekai. Tērā pea ka kihi anō hoki kōrua, āe! Mā wai e aukati? 

3. Te wā tuatahi e moe ai

He mahi nui tēnei, tika? Haunga ngā mahi iti katoa, he mea nui te moe tuatahi a te tokorua i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te mea nui, ina tīmata te aroha ki tētahi, ka puta he hononga kare ā-roto, ā-tinana hoki i te wā tuatahi o te moe.

I pāngia a Jenna, 31 tau te pakeke, me tana hoa tāne, a Alex, e te hononga tawhiti I muri tonu i tā rāua tīmatanga ki te whakaipoipo. E mea ana ia, "I kite ahau he mea nui te moe tahi i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea i muri i tā māua mahi i taua taahiraa, ka tata māua, ā, ka māmā ake te manawanui i te tawhiti roa." Ina moe tahi koe, me te mea kua tukua e koe tō arai tinana, ā, kua tukua taua tangata kia awhi i a koe me te ataahua tinana.

4. Te haerenga tuatahi a te tokorua

He pai ngā rā, he kihi, he moe tāne, he pai katoa ēnei. Heoi, he mea tino nui i roto i te rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te haere tahi. E mōhio ana koe kei te kino haere ngā mea mena, hei tokorua, ka tīmata kōrua ki te whakamahere i tētahi haerenga tahi. Ka penapena moni kōrua, ka hokohoko mō te haerenga, ka tuhi i tētahi hōtēra, ka whakarite i tētahi kaupapa haere.

Mā te haerenga tahi tuatahi a te tokorua ka āwhina i a rātou ki te pārekareka ki te noho tahi, ki te ako atu mō te whanaungatanga, ki te kōrero roa, ki te whai wāhi atu ki ngā haerenga whakahirahira. He mea nui te haerenga tahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, nā te mea ka āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake ki te tangata i te taumata hohonu. Ka taea e koe te kite i a rātou i waho o tō rātou rohe whakamarie, me te titiro atu ki tētahi taha rerekē o tō hoa.

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5. Te noho ngoikore mō te wā tuatahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga 

Kāore e warewaretia ngā mea tuatahi o te whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te haere koe ki tētahi wāhi kāore i te mōhiotia, ā, kāore koe i te mōhio he aha ngā mea ka kitea e koe e tatari ana ki a koe. Ko tētahi mea nui i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te wā tuatahi ka whakatuwhera koe i ō whakaaro ki tētahi atu tangata. Ehara i te mea ngāwari ki te tangata te noho ngoikore, nō reira, ina tangohia e tō hoa taua taahiraa ka whakatuwhera i ō whakaaro ki a koe, he tohu tēnei kei te hanga koe i te... wāhanga o te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga. 

"He maha ngā tāne kua noho tahi māua i ngā tau kua pahure ake nei. Heoi, kāore au i kite i tētahi hononga ki a rātou, ā, kāore au i taea te whakapuaki i ōku kare ā-roto me ōku kare ā-roto. Ko te wā tuatahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i ngoikore ai ahau ko te noho tahi me tētahi tāne kua toru wiki māua e piripono ana. I rongo ahau i te tū tahanga, i te mārama hoki. Me te mea nei ka taea e au te whakaatu i tōku wairua ki a ia, ā, ka tiakina e ia. I taua wā tonu, i mōhio ahau ko ia te tangata tika. Ko taua tāne taku tāne inaianei," te kī a Regina, he wahine 35-tau te pakeke, he wahine harikoa kua moe wahine.

6. Te tūtaki ki ō rātou hoa mō te wā tuatahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga 

Me tohu tēnei mātotoru i roto i te rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. He tino taumaha te tūtakitanga tuatahi o tētahi tokorua ki ngā hoa o tētahi ki tētahi, nā te mea he whakaaro tō te nuinga he tino pono ngā hoa, ā, e kore e mutu te whakaaroaro i mua i te whakatau. 

Engari anei tētahi whakaaro – kua mutu kē koe ki te whakaaro he aha te take e hiahia ai tō hoa kia tūtaki ō rātou hoa ki a koe? Nā te mea kua kōrero rātou ki a rātou mō tō rawe, ā, e tatari ana rātou kia tūtaki ō rātou hoa ki a koe. Nō reira, kaua e manukanuka mō tēnei mea. Nā te mea he nui tō rātou aroha ki a koe, kua rite rātou ki te whakauru i a koe ki tētahi porowhita pāpori whānui ake. Nō reira, āe, he tino aroha.

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7. Ko te wā tuatahi tēnei a te tokorua ki te kī i aua kupu makutu

Āe, he kōrero tawhito anō tēnei, e mōhio ana ahau. Heoi, i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nui katoa, he tohu nui tēnei. Ā, ahakoa ko wai i kī tuatahi, i whakapuaki pai ake rānei, engari ko te mea kua whakatakotoria ki runga i te tēpu mō te wā tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga he tohu i tētahi mea nui.

A, no te he tokorua e whakaatu ana i tō rāua aroha mō tētahi ki tētahi i roto i ngā huarahi māmā rawa, tino māhaki rawa, e whakaatu ana i te tikanga tūturu. Kua awhi rāua tetahi i tetahi, me ō rāua ataahua me ō rāua whara, ā, koinei te mea tino aroha me te mea tino nui i roto i te whanaungatanga.

8. Te wā tuatahi e taka koha ana ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, e taka kai ana rānei

Koinei te mea māmā rawa. He mea aroha te wā tuatahi e hanga koha ai tētahi tāne, wāhine rānei i tētahi kai reka, ngāwari noa iho i te kāinga. He tohu tēnei kei te aro nui koe ki tētahi atu tangata, ā, kei te hiahia koe ki te whakapau i ō taonga tino nui ki a rātou — tō wā.

E kī ana a Marcus, he tāne 25-tau te pakeke, "I roto i te rārangi o ngā tuatahitanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka wareware te tangata ki ngā tohu. Ko te wā tuatahi i hinga ai ahau i te aroha ehara i te wā i te rā, i te haerenga rānei, engari i te wā i waea mai ai taku hoa wahine ki tōku māmā, e noho ana i tētahi atu kawanatanga, ā, i tikina mai e ia te tunu kai tino pai ki ahau. I pau ngā hāora ki a ia ki te tunu kai māku, ā, koinei te tohu tino aroha rawa atu kua mahia e tetahi māku. He wā tuatahi anō hoki tēnei i roto i te whanaungatanga māku, ā, i tino miharo ahau ki a ia." 

9. Te neke tahi mō te wā tuatahi i roto i tētahi hononga 

He mea tino nui te neke tahi ki roto i tētahi hononga. He tohu nui tēnei. Koinei te wā e mōhio ai rāua ka taea e rāua te tū, te "ora" rānei i te rā katoa i te taha o tētahi ki tētahi. E whakaatu ana tēnei ka taea e rāua te mahi tahi hei wāhanga kotahi, te noho tahi me tētahi ki tētahi, me te mahi tahi ki te tiaki i a rāua anō.

Te neke tahi ā, e whai ake nei ko ētahi atu mea tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. Mai i te wā tuatahi o te tokorua e noho tahi ana i te wharepaku ki te tunu kai tahi mō te wā tuatahi i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā mea tuatahi e whai ake nei, ā, ka taea e rātou te whakatata atu ki tō hoa. 

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10. Ko te wā tuatahi tēnei a te tokorua ki te tango i tētahi mōkai

Āe, kia mārama tātou, ko te mea nui rawa atu i roto i te rārangi o ngā mea tuatahi o te whanaungatanga ko te tango tahi i tētahi mōkai. Kāore he mea e nui ake ana te aroha i te whakatau ki te tiaki i tētahi kararehe huruhuru iti, ātaahua, me te hoatu aroha ki a ia. Mā te tango i tētahi mōkai – ahakoa he kurī, he ngeru, he rāpeti, he hamster rānei – e whakanui ana i te pai o te mahi tahi a te tokorua, ā, e whakakaha ana hoki i tō rāua hononga ki tētahi mea e arohaina ana e rāua.

Kāore e hiahiatia kia nui rawa, kia tawhito rānei te hononga tuatahi. Ka taea e koe te tautuhi i ō hononga tuatahi. He rerekē ia hononga, ahakoa e kapi ana tēnei rārangi o ngā hononga tuatahi i ngā wā noa e noho tahi ana te tokorua, kaua e tautuhi i tō hononga mā tēnei anake. Kaua ngā hononga tuatahi e akiakihia; engari, me noho tūturu.

Ahakoa koinei taku rārangi tino pai o ngā mea tuatahi, he mārama kei a koe ētahi atu hei tāpiri. Pērā i te wā tuatahi i noho tahi ai kōrua i tō rā whānau, te huritau tuatahi, te wā tuatahi i whakamahia ai e ia tō paraihe niho mā te hē, me ērā atu mea. Ahakoa he aha, kia mahara ki te whakanui i ia wā i noho tahi ai kōrua, ahakoa ko ō kōrua kita tuatahi, ko te makawe hina tuatahi rānei i unuhia e kōrua i tōna mahunga. Nā te mea, ina noho tahi kōrua me tētahi e arohaina ana, he mea motuhake ia wā tuatahi, tuarua me tuatoru, ā, e hiahia ana ahau kia miriona o aua wā i roto i tō kōrua oranga tahi.

Ki te noho tahi kōrua i mua i te mārena, he tohu tēnei kua rite kōrua mō te mārena?

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.