He mamae mō te wa katoa te mamae o te tūkino ā-ira tangata, ā, i muri mai ka puta ake ngā raruraru whanaungatanga e puta ake ana i te wā kāore koe e whakaaro, ka waiho koe i te rangirua, i te pakanga, me te mamae anō hoki.
Tekau mā ono ōku tau i te wā i takahia ai tōku tinana e tētahi tama i tino arohaina e au, me te kore rawa e aro ki taku whakaae, hei whakatutuki i tana hiahia. I a rāua e taiohi ana e aroha nui ana, he mea nui tonu te mahi whakaipoipo i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, i tino pai ahau ki tēnā. Engari i hiahia ia ki ētahi atu mea.
Mai i ngā tūmomo whakawehi kāore i te tino huna, arā, me whakaae ahau ki te moe tahi mēnā ka haere tonu te whanaungatanga, tae atu ki te tohe kia tukua ia e au, kua mutu katoa ngā tohu e kī ana ko te urunga noa iho ki roto i ōku tarau anake tana i hiahia ai. I te nuinga o te wā, ka ātete ahau, ā, ka mutu ia. Heoi, i taua rā, kāore ia i pena. Ahakoa taku ātete reo me te tinana, i pehia ahau e ia, ā, ka haere tonu ki te whakatutuki i tana e pai ai ki ahau.
Tata ki te 20 tau i muri mai, kei te hou tonu te patunga, me te mea i tupu inanahi. Kua pakaru te mahara, engari ko ētahi wāhanga ka ora tonu i roto i tōku hinengaro i ia wā, i ia wā. Ko te ngau o te hau i taua ahiahi o Noema, te makariri o ngā whāriki i raro i ahau, te kata a ō mātou hoa i te rūma i te taha e maringi ana, te tae o ngā tarau i mau i ahau. Ko te mea nui, ko te menemene i tōna mata, i a ia e hurihuri ana. "Āe, he wahine pūreirei koe," ko ngā kupu e tangi ana i roto i ōku taringa, ā, whai muri iho ka noho puku.
Mō tētahi taiohi 16-tau te pakeke kāore i taea te kōrero mō ngā mea i pā ki tētahi, kāore hoki i taea te tahuri ki ngā whanaunga mō te āwhina, te tautoko me te tohutohu, ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakahaere i ngā mea i tupu. He pakanga takitahi, i whawhaitia i roto i te wahangu mō ngā tau, e tohe ana ki ngā whakaaro pēnei i te, "Nāku i kawe mai tēnei raruraru mā te whakaae ki te haere tahi me ia ki roto i taua rūma." Te hara. Te whakama. Te whakarihariha ki a ia anō. Te mamae.
He maha ngā tau i mua i taku whakaae ki tēnā I tukinotia ahau i te taha moepuku ā, kia mārama hoki ehara i te mea nōku te whakama me te hara. Kāore te mamae me te whara i herea ki taua aituā anake. Kua puta tō rātou aroaro i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono katoa i pā ki ahau mai i taua wā.
I hiahiatia te tautoko pumau a tētahi hoa aroha ki te tīmata i te tukanga whakaora. I te ngenge rawa i te whawhai ki te rewera i ahau anake, i te mutunga ka rapu awhina ahau mā te haere ki te rongoā i te tīmatanga o tēnei tau. I kitea ahau he mate ahotea muri-whara (PTSD). Kāore i tere, i rārangi rānei te whakaoranga, engari kei te ahu whakamua mātou, takitahi i ia wā. Ahakoa ngā huringa iti rawa ka puta mai he whakamarie nui.
Nā tēnei haerenga anō hoki i whakatuwhera ōku kanohi ki te meka ehara i te mea ko au anake tēnei pakanga. He tino noa te PTSD mai i te tukino ā-ira tangata, inā koa i waenga i te hunga i tukinotia i a rātou e tamariki ana – 55% o te hunga i tukinotia i te taha moepuku e pāngia ana e tēnei. Hei āwhina i te hunga e mamae ana i roto i te wahangu, i kōrero ahau ki te kaiako whanaungatanga, Parāvi Barnwal, mō ngā take whanaungatanga e pā ana ki ngā tāngata i pāngia e te tukino ā-ira tangata.
Te pānui e pā ana: Te Hoa e Tūkino Ana i tāna Tamahine – Te Tūkino me te Mamae i te Tamariki
Ngā Take Tukino ā-Ira Tangata me te Whakawhanaungatanga
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Haunga te manukanuka, te kore okiokinga me te moe koretake, ko ngā raruraru whanaungatanga te pakanga nui rawa atu ki ahau mai i te aituā. Ka pakari haere tōku tinana i mua tonu i te moe tahi, ā, ka nui ake te mamae i te ahuareka. E whakamārama ana a Pallavi ehara tēnei i te mea onge.
"Kua tohutohu ahau i ētahi o ngā tāngata i pāngia e te tukino ā-ira tangata, ā, ko tētahi o ngā wero nui e pā ana ki a rātou ko tētahi o ā rātou taunekeneke tuatahi mō tō rātou moepuku he mea mamae, kāore i te whakaaetia. Ka nui haere te mamae o tēnei mena he mema whānau, he tangata tata rānei te kaitūkino – he mea e tupu ana i te nuinga o ngā wā – nā te mea me tūtaki kanohi ki te kanohi rātou ki te kaitūkino i ia rā, i ia rā."
"I te nuinga o ēnei take, ahakoa ka mōhio ngā mātua ki te tukino, ka ngana tonu rātou ki te huna i te take. Nō reira, ka whakaaro te tangata i pāngia kāore ia e rangona, kāore e mārama, kāore hoki e manakohia. Kāore anō kia ea te mamae."
"Ko ēnei tāngata i tukinotia i te moepuku, kāore nei i whiwhi i te tautoko tika hei whakahaere i ō rātou mamae, ka pakaru tonu rātou ahakoa 15-16 tau i muri i te putanga mai o te aituā nā te mea kāore anō kia whai wāhi rātou ki te ora, ā, kei te noho tonu te aituā me he patunga hou i roto i ō rātou hinengaro," te kī a Pallavi.
He aha ngā mea ka taea e te tangata i tukinotia i te moepuku te mahi hei whakatau i ōna raruraru whanaungatanga?
"I tētahi wā, i tohutohu ahau i tētahi kōtiro i pāngia e ngā uauatanga i te wā o te moe tāne, nā te mea he nui ngā āwangawanga me ngā whara kāore anō kia whakatauhia nā te mahi tukino ā-ira tangata. Hei whakatika i tēnei, hei whakatū hononga piripono whai hua, he mea nui kia rapu āwhina." Ko te ngā painga o te tohutohu i roto i ēnei āhuatanga, kāore e taea te whakanui rawa. I te nuinga o te wā, kāore tātou i te rite ki te aro atu ki te mamae o te tukino ā-ira tangata.
"He mea nui kia tukuna atu ngā kare ā-roto mamae me te manukanuka kua puritia mā te mārama, te whakaae, me te mārama he hē te mea i pā ki a koe. Ka nui ake te hiahia mō tēnei mehemea ka huna te kōrero, ā, ka waiho te tangata i pāngia kia mamae i roto i te wā poto, hei painga mō te honore o te whānau, hei take rānei kāore tetahi i hiahia ki te whai i ngā tukanga pōrearea o te rapu tika."
"Ko tētahi atu mea nui ko te kōrero nui, te whakapuaki me te mihi pono ki ngā mea i pā ki a koe, hei tautoko i te tohunga aroha, whakangungua," te kī a Pallavi.
Te tūranga o te hoa rangatira ki te āwhina i te tangata i tukinotia i roto i te moepuku kia whakatau i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga
"Ki te mea kei te taha koe o tētahi hoa rangatira, kia mau tonu tō kōrero ki a rātou. Kia tūpato ki tō hoa rangatira, kia kōrerohia hoki ō wheako me ōna pānga ki a koe, kia kore ai rātou e whakaaro kei te whakahē koe i a rātou mā te karo i te whanaungatanga piripono. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakama mō te kōrero anō mō tēnei mea. He whara hohonu, he patunga hohonu e kore e taea e koe te hohoro te whakaora, te whiriwhiri rānei kia kaua e arohia."
"He maha ngā wā, ka pā kino ēnei raruraru piripono ki te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore tō hoa rangatira e mōhio ki ngā mea kua pā ki a koe. Tērā pea ka hē te whakaaro o rātou he koretake tō rātou aro ki a rātou, ka waiho rānei rātou kia whakaaro kua kino te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, kōrerotia ō wero ki a rātou me te tuwhera," te tohutohu a Pallavi.
Ā, e tino whakaae ana ahau. Ko te hoa tautoko me te hoa mārama ka taea te mahi tuatahi māu ki te whakatutuki i tēnei te whakaora i te mamae o te tukino ā-ira tangataI te tono tuatahi a taku hoa o nāianei kia haere tahi māua, tata kore rawa ahau i whakaae, me te whakatūpato atu kua pakaru ahau (ehara i te mea i te tinana, i te wairua rānei, engari i te kare ā-roto).
I pūmau tonu tōna whakapono ka taea e tāua te whakatutuki i tēnei mahi. I rite ia ki te pupuri i tōku ringa, ki te whakatere i ngā atarangi o tēnei mamae o mua. I tumanako ia ka kitea e tāua tētahi ara i roto i ēnei atarangi i tētahi rā. Ko tana tumanako te mea i kaha ai ahau.
Haunga te whakaora i ngā kare ā-roto, i kitea anō hoki e au tētahi ara māku e noho whakamarie ai i roto i tōku kiri, e awhi ana i tōku hiahia me te kore e poke, e whakarihariha rānei. Tae noa ki taua wā, kua whakaae ahau ki te whakapono ko te moepuku mamae te utu tika hei noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha.
Nā te tautoko me te mārama o taku hoa i āwhina i ahau ki te wehe atu i taua momo āhua, kia mōhio anō ai ahau ki taku moepuku. He nui noa iho te kī a ia, 'Hei, okioki', 'Ko au tēnei' rānei, hei whakahoki mai i ahau ki te wā o nāianei, ā, kia kore ai ahau e mau tonu ki te mahara o taua kaupapa. E kōrero ana ahau i runga i taku wheako ina kī ana ahau ka taea te pārekareka ki tētahi oranga moepuku whai hua. Kāore koe e tukua kia mamae noa i roto i te wā puku. Tērā pea ka roa te wā, engari mā te ahu whakamua i ia rā, ka taea e koe te tae ki reira.
Te pānui e pā ana: Te Aroha Whakaae i te Wāhi Mahi: Tērā pea ka wareware koe ki te Whakaaetanga me te kore e mōhio
Ehara i te mea ko te hinengaro anake, engari ka pā te whara ki tō tinana
E ai ki taku kōrero i mua, ko te āheinga o tētahi momo whakaurunga tara ka meinga kia kōpiripiri, kia whakawhāiti hoki ngā uaua o te hope. Ehara i te mea i te wā moe tāne anake, engari i mua hoki i te whakamātautau hope, i te ultrasound transvaginal rānei. Nā tēnei ka mamae, ka kore hoki e pai te wheako noa.
Nā taku kaiwhakaora hinengaro ahau i āwhina kia mārama ko te take tēnei nā te mea kāore te whara e pā ki te hinengaro anake engari ki te tinana anō hoki. Ka rongoa te whara i roto i te tinana, ā, ka tīmata te mahara o ngā uaua ki te 'tiaki i a koe' mai i te mea e kitea ana he hokinga mai o te wheako whara.
Tuhinga pea koinei tō patu nui rawa atu hei ārai i ēnei whakaaturanga tinana o te whara o te tukino ā-ira tangata. (Mēnā kei te whakahawea koe ki te whakahuatanga o te aroātahi, e mārama ana ahau ki tēnā. I roto ahau i te hunga whakahē i ngā wā tata nei. Engari ko te pupuri i te hinengaro tuwhera ki ngā wheako hou me te whakarerekē i tō whakaaro ko te tikanga o te tipu me te whanaketanga.)
He wheako whara te tūkino ā-ira tangata e whakarerekē ana i a koe i roto i ngā huarahi maha i roto i te wā poto, ā, ka haere tonu te whakarerekē i a koe i ngā wā katoa. Engari ka taea te whakahaere i taua huringa me te ārahi i te huarahi e hiahia ana koe. Mā te āwhina tika, ka taea e koe te whakaoti i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga i puta mai i te mamae o te tūkino ā-ira tangata.
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
