Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga

Ka hinga te oranga i hangaia ngātahitia e kōrua ina mōhio koe he tinihanga tāu tāne, he tinihanga rānei. Tērā pea kua pōuriuritia tō hinengaro e ngā pātai maha mō ngā wā o mua, mō ngā rā kei te heke mai, mō te āhua o ō whanaungatanga, me te koretake o ngā mea katoa. Tērā pea ka kapi tō hinengaro i ngā pātai mutunga kore i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga. He aha te mea hei kōrero ki tāu tāne tinihanga? Me pēhea te whakatau i te mamae o te tinihangatia? Ā, ko te mea nui, he aha tāu mahi i muri i tana tinihanga?

Ko te pātai mehemea me wareware noa koe ki ngā hara a tō tāne, me neke atu, me noho rānei ki te tangata nāna koe i tinihanga, koinei pea te pātai tino whakamataku rawa atu. Ahakoa ko te wehe atu i te hoa rangatira tinihanga pea te mea tuatahi e hiahia ana koe ki te wawahi i te marena, ehara i te mea ngāwari i ngā wā katoa. Engari ki te whiriwhiri koe ki te noho, ka akiaki noa iho rānei i a ia kia haere atu?

Kāore he kōwhiringa tika, kāore hoki he kōwhiringa ngāwari i tēnei āhuatanga, ā, kāore rawa he kōwhiringa ngāwari. Nā te mea, kia pono tātou, kāore he pukapuka ture mō te whakahaere i tētahi tāne tinihanga. Engari he otinga kei ia raruraru, ā, ehara tēnei i te mea rerekē. Anei ētahi tohutohu me ngā whakaaro mō te aha e meatia ina kitea e koe kei te tinihanga tō tāne. Mānu hōhonu, ā, whakarongo ki tēnei tohutohu mō te neke atu i te whanoke me te whakahaere i te āhuatanga ki te pai o tō kaha.

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga—15 Tohutohu

Kāore koe i te mokemoke—e miriona ngā wāhine e pāngia ana e te mamae o te tinihanga me ngā kōwhiringa uaua e whai ake nei. Mēnā ka kitea te tinihanga a tō tāne, ka rite ki te mea kua pakaru tō ao—ka puta mai he pōhēhē, he riri, me ngā pātai mamae mō tō heke mai. Me noho tonu koe ki te ngana ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, me haere atu rānei mō tō ake rangimarie o te hinengaro? Kāore he whakautu tika kotahi, engari he mahi ka taea e koe te mahi hei tiaki i a koe anō, hei whakahaere i te tinihanga, me te whakatau he aha te mea pai mō tō oranga. Anei ngā tohutohu mahi 15 hei ārahi i a koe i roto i tēnei haerenga uaua.

Ngā Mahi Tonu i Muri i te Kitea

I mua i te tīmatanga o te whakaaro me pēhea te whakatau i te puremu a tō tāne, me mahi koe i ngā mahi pakari hei whakaū i te hononga.

1. Tirohia anō ō meka

Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe kei te hē tetahi mea. Tērā pea kua kite koe i ētahi tohu tinihanga a tō hoa, engari kāore koe i te tino mōhio mēnā koinā te āhua. "Ki taku whakaaro kei te tinihanga taku tāne, engari kāore āku taunakitanga" – ka roa pea tēnei whakaaro ina rongo koe i tana tinihanga i roto i ōu wheua, engari kāore he mea pumau hei tautoko.

He tangata mātau ngā wāhine. Ki te mea kei te kī mai tō ngākau kei te ora tō hoa rangatira tētahi atu wahine, tera pea he pono. Engari kāore e taea e koe te whakapae i tēnei mea nui i runga i tō ngākau anake. He mea nui kia tūpato, kia manatoko. Tirohia, kia rua ngā wā kia tino mohio kei te mahi koe me tētahi tāne tinihanga. 

• He kōrero whakakatakata noa iho rānei, he takaro takaro kino rānei?
• Tērā pea kei te kōrero ia ki tētahi hoa mahi e mahi tahi ana rāua i tētahi kaupapa?
• He aha te āhua o tēnei whanaungatanga ki te wahine kē? He pono rānei ia tinihanga ki a koe i runga ipurangi i te ao tūturu rānei?
• E whakaaro ana ia he tinihanga tēnei? Ā, e whakaaro ana hoki koe?
• He taunakitanga tūturu kei reira, pērā i ngā karere kuputuhi, ngā īmēra, ngā taipitopito rānei o tā rāua hui, ka taea e koe te whakamahi hei whakahē i a ia?

Me tohu e koe ō "I" me ō "T" i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakaaro me pēhea te tū atu ki tētahi tangata tinihanga. Me mahi i te mahi e whai ake nei i muri i tō whakaoti i ō mahi tirotiro tika. He mea tino nui kia whakaūhia e koe te āhuatanga i mua i te wā, nā te mea ka taea e te whakapae teka te whakakino i te whakawhirinaki o tō whanaungatanga mō te wā roa.

2. Whakatūpato atu ki a ia

Me aha koe ina kitea e koe kei te tinihanga tō tāne? Mānua hōhonu. E mōhio ana mātou ki te nui o tō riri, ā, koia tonu te take e hiahia ana mātou kia marino koe i mua i te tauhohe. Kia marino koe (kia marino rawa koe), kia maumahara ki ēnei mea e whai ake nei kia tino puta ai ngā whakautu e rapuhia ana e koe i roto i te kōrero:

• Me mahi i te wā tika: Kimihia te wā tika hei kōrero ki a ia, kia kore ai he mea hei whakararuraru. Hei tauira, ki te mea he tamariki āu, kia noho rātou i te pō, kia ngaro atu rānei i te kāinga ina kōrero koe ki a ia.
• Te māramatanga o te whakaaro: Me mārama tō hinengaro mō te mea hei kōrero ki tō tāne tinihanga. Mā tēnei ka kore e neke te kōrero ki ngā kōrero koretake.
• Puritia ki ngā meka: Kaua e kōrero anō mō ​​ngā take o mua, kaua hoki e whakapae i ngā mea e whakaaro ana koe kei te mahi ia. Kia mau ki ngā kōrero kua whakamanahia e koe.
• Kia tika: Kaua e kōrero whakakatakata, kaua hoki e kōrero teka. Pātai atu ki a ia. Tukua te pātai kia ohorere ia kia whiwhi ai i te whakautu pono.

Ahakoa te pātai atu a tō hoa rangatira mōna, ka whakakahore pea ia i tana mahi pūremu, ka mōhio koe mā roto i ana āhua me tana reo tinana. 

• Mātakitaki mēnā ka karo ia i te titiro ki ō kanohi, ka titiro tika mai rānei ki a koe ina whakautua e ia tāu pātai
• Kia tūpato ki ētahi atu tohu o te teka, pērā i te tahuritanga o tōna tuara ki a koe, te pā atu rānei ki te ihu, te waru rānei i te mata

Nā te mea kua moe kōrua i a ia, kua kite pea koe i ēnei tohu ina teka ia, ina ngana rānei ki te huna i tētahi mea. Te whakatau i tāu tāne teka He mea nui kia kaua e taka ki roto i te mahanga o āna kupu whakapumau teka, kia taea ai e koe te whakatau kanohi ki te kanohi i te take o te puremu.

3. Kaua e whakaurua ngā tamariki, kaua hoki e whakaurua tō whānau

Kāore he ture mārama mō te whakakore i te tinihanga a tāne ki a koe. Engari mō tō ake hinengaro me tō whakaute i a koe anō, me kimi e koe he huarahi hei whakahaere i te ngaru o ngā kare ā-roto, kia mau tonu ai tō wairua. Ko tāu e mahi ai i muri mai, ehara i te mea ko koe anake, engari ko ētahi atu tāngata hoki o tō ao, mai i ō tamariki ki te whānau tata, tae atu ki ngā hoa.

Ki te whai wāhi ngā tamariki, ko te tiaki i a rātou te mea nui rawa atu māu. Kāore i a rātou te pakeketanga o te kare ā-roto ki te mārama ki te tinihanga, ā, ko te tōia o rātou ki roto i te tinihanga ka waiho noa iho he whara. Ahakoa te hiahia ki te whakaputa i ō whakaaro, ki te whakaatu rānei i tētahi kōrero, kaua rātou e uru ki te pakanga. Pērā anō hoki mō te whakauru i te whānau whānui. Tērā pea ka rite ki te whiwhi whakamarie mēnā ka mōhio te katoa ki tāna i mahi ai, engari i te mea pono, ka arahi pea ki te kōrero pakiwaitara, ki te whiriwhiri taha, ā, ki te raruraru anō hoki.

Ko te kōwhiringa pai ake ko te arotahi ki tō oranga, ki tō mana, me tō rangimārie o te hinengaro. Anei ētahi huarahi hei whakahaere i tēnei wāhanga:

• Tatari i mua i te whakautu: Whakapaua he wā ki te manawa, ki te tuhi i tētahi pukapuka, ki te kōrero rānei ki tētahi hoa pono i mua i tō whakatau me pēhea te whakautu
• Tiakina āu tamariki: Kia mau tonu ā rātou mahi o ia rā, ā, karohia te kōrero kino mō tō rātou pāpā i mua i a rātou
• Āraia te raruraru whānau: Whakawhirinaki ki te hunga anake ka taea te tautoko i a koe me te kore e whakaoho i te kohua
• Whakarērea te tuhinga rapu utu: Ia meneti e pau ana ki te whakamahere utu, ahakoa he tinihanga rapu utu, te whakaiti rānei i te aroaro o te marea, he pūngao ka taea e koe te whakamahi hei hanga anō i a koe anō
• Hokohoko ki tō oranga tinana: Mā te rongoā, te whakakori tinana, te inoi, te mahi noa rānei i ngā mea e hari ai koe ka āwhina i a koe ki te tīmata ora.

Te pānui e pā ana: 12 Ngā Tohu e Pōuri Ana Ia mō te Tinihanga, ā, e Hiahia Ana Ia ki te Whakatikatika

4. Kaua e whakauru i te wahine kē

Ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu tino nui mō te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga, ko te mahara kei waenganui i a kōrua ko tō tāne tēnei. Tērā pea he mea whakamatautau ki te te tū atu ki te wahine kē ā, tukuna atu ō kare ā-roto mamae me te riri ki a ia. Ae, ko te kī atu he kaiwhakangaro kāinga ia, me te mea kia whakarihariha ia ki a ia anō, tera pea ka pai ake te ahua i taua wā tonu. Engari he aha te take? Ina pā mai te whakamatautauranga ki te hoatu i tētahi wāhi o tō hinengaro ki te wahine kē, kia mahara: 

• E kore te whakahāwea i te wahine kē e whakakore i te kino o tō kōrua marena
• Ahakoa e mōhio ana koe ki a ia, he pai ake te noho tawhiti atu, me te karo i te tautohetohe tika
• Mā te whakauru atu i a ia ka nui ake te raruraru, ka nui ake hoki te mamae
• Kei tō tāne tō pakanga, ehara i te wahine kē
• Mena kua maha ngā wā i tinihanga ai tō tāne, he mārama ake kei a ia te take, ehara i a ia
• Kia mau ki tō mana mā te kore e tuku i te hē ki tētahi atu tangata
• Ina pū ake te riri, te pōuri rānei, kimihia he huarahi hauora ake—he korikori tinana, he tuhi i ngā tuhinga, he rongoā hinengaro, he whakapuakitanga auaha rānei.

5. Kia whakaute. Kaua e karanga ingoa kino, tēnā

He whakaute? E mōhio ana mātou kei te whakaaro pea koutou he porangi mātou ki te kī atu koinei te huarahi hei whakahaere i tētahi tāne tinihanga. Tērā pea he rite ki tētahi o ngā tohutohu tino koretake mō te whakahaere i ngā tāne tinihanga, engari whakapono mai ki a mātou ina kī mātou he pai. Te karanga ingoa i roto i te whanaungatanga te kōrero kino rānei hei whakaiti i te hoa, ahakoa te āhua o te āhuatanga, kāore e āwhina.

Ki te mea kei te rapu huarahi koe ki te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, kaua e riri nui, e karanga ingoa kino, e patupatu rānei i ngā mea, engari me tuwhera te hinengaro. Kaua e whakaaro noa ki te mea i tupu, me pēhea hoki. Engari, me whakaaro koe kāore koe i te mōhio ki te mea i tupu, ā, me hoatu he wā ki tō tāne kia whakamārama i a ia anō.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te muru i te hara o tō hoa tinihanga, ā, me pēhea hoki koe?

6. Whakamātauria mō ngā mate tuku iho

Ina rapu huarahi koe ki te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga, kaua e wareware ki tō hauora. Mena kua moe tāne tō hoa ki tētahi atu, kei reira tonu te tūponotanga ka kitea ia, ahakoa ka tohe ia kei te "haumaru" ia. Te tiaki i a koe anō mai i ngā mate tuku iho he rite tonu te hiranga ki te tiaki i a koe anō i te taha hinengaro. Nō reira, 

• Kia whakamātauria mō ngā mate tuku iho i te wā e taea ai
• Ki te whakatau koe ki te noho tonu, me tono atu ki tō tāne kia whakamātauria anō hoki i mua i te tīmata anō i te whanaungatanga piripono.
• Whakaritea he tirotiro hauora auau hei ārai i ngā raruraru roa
• Whakamahia he ārai mēnā ka whakatau koe ki te moe tahi anō kia mārama rā anō ngā hua o te whakamātautau

Te Tukatuka i te Tukunga

Kia oti te raruraru te pehi, neke atu i te tauhohenga ki te whakaaroaro. He pono te pānga kare ā-roto o te tinihanga a te hoa rangatira. E ai ki rangahau, i waenga i te 30% me te 60% o ngā hoa kua tinihangatia ka pāngia e ngā tohumate rite ki te PTSD, tae atu ki te manukanuka, te pouri, me ngā whakaaro pokanoa, i muri i te kitenga i te kore whakapono. Ā, tata tonu te haurua o te iwi kua pāngia e te tinihanga, pūrongohia ngā tohu o te PTSD me te pouri me te manukanuka. Koia te take me mahi koe i roto i te pānga kare ā-roto mā te aro atu ki te whakapae i a koe anō, te rapu tautoko, me te arotahi ki te whakaora i mua i te whakatau i te mea ka whai ake.

7. Kaua e whakapae i a koe anō, kaua e tiaki i a koe anō

Kaua e pohehe, kāore mātou e kī ana he he tōu mō ngā mahi a tō tāne tinihanga. He rerekē rawa atu. Kei te tono atu mātou kia kaua e taka ki te rua rāpeti o te whakapae me te hara i a koe e uaua ana ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakahaere i tētahi tāne tinihanga. Ahakoa te ahua rerekē, ehara i te mea onge kia whakaaro te hoa rangatira kua tinihangatia kei a koe te kawenga mō te kōwhiringa a tā rātou hoa ki te tinihanga. Anei te ahua o te whakapae i a koe anō:

• "Nōku pea te he."
• "I reira katoa ngā tohu tinihanga a te hoa. Me i kite ahau i tēnei mea e haere mai ana."
• "Kāore pea au i te tino hiahia."
• "Kāore au i te ataahua."
• "E tika ana kia whiwhi ia i te mea pai ake."
• "Me whakarērea e au taku tāne mō te tinihanga? Ki taku whakaaro nōku te he."

Ngā rangahau o nāianei mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine o Amerika E tohu ana ko te 20 ki te 40% o ngā tāne takatāpui kua marenatia ka moe tāne i waho o te marena i roto i ō rātou oranga. Kia maumahara tonu he kōwhiringa te tinihanga, ā, i te nuinga o te wā, kāore he pānga ki te hoa rangatira kua tinihangatia (ahakoa ka whakamahia pea e te tangata tinihanga ngā ngoikoretanga o te marena hei whakamana i ā rātou mahi). Nō reira, me mahi he mea pai ki a koe anō, kaua e whakapae i a koe anō. Kāore he mea i taea e koe te mahi hei ārai i tō tāne kei tinihanga i a koe. Ehara i te mea ko koe anake.

8. Tukua ia kia kōrero, kia whakarongo hoki

Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te atawhai i tētahi tāne tinihanga? Ka kī mātou me te atawhai me te aroha, ahakoa kua kī tonu tō ngākau me tō hinengaro i te riri me te mauahara ki a ia. Ae, tera pea e kore e taea te atawhai i tētahi tāne tinihanga ina mamae koe, ina riri hoki, engari mā te whakamutu i te kōrero ka noho tonu koe i roto i te mamae. 

Ahakoa te riri nui e pupū ake ana i roto i a ia, e mahara ana a Cynthia Jared, te tumuaki tuarua o tētahi peeke, ki te noho tahi me tana tāne ki te inu kawhe. Ka mea ia, "Me wareware tāua mō tētahi wā poto kua marena tāua. Whakaarohia ahau hei hoa pai māu. Kōrero mai, he aha te mea i tupu?" E mahara ana a Cynthia ki tēnei kōrero makutu i roa mō ngā hāora, ā, i tino whakakore i te ruarua o ia.

I mea mai ia ki a mātou, "Kāore au i te mōhio mēnā ka noho tahi māua ko tēnei tangata, kāore rānei, ā muri ake nei, engari kotahi te mea i tino mōhiotia, kua tīmata ahau i te haerenga o te murunga hara." Te pātai i te tika ngā pātai a tō hoa tinihanga mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te mārama ki aua mea, ā, ka pai ake tōu āheinga ki te aro atu. 

Anei me penei te haere:

• Taria kia marino te ngaru tuatahi o te riri i mua i te tīmatanga o tētahi kōrero nui
• Me ata mārie te kōrero. Kaua e hamama, e whakapae, e whakatoi rānei.
• Pātai atu ki ngā pātai tuwhera pēnei i te "He aha te mea i arahi i a koe ki tēnei?", "He aha tāu i rapu ai i waho o te marena?"
• Arotahi ki te whakarongo ki āna whakautu, ahakoa he uaua ki te whakarongo
• Wehea te take o te tinihanga mai i tāna i mahi ai. Mā te mārama ki te hihiri ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau mēnā ka taea te whakaora.

Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Pātai Hei Pātai Hei Whakaara Anō i te Whakawhirinakitanga i roto i te Hononga

9. Kaua e rapu utu

He mea whakarihariha te rapu utu, he mea koretake, ā, he kōwhiringa kino tonu. He mea nui kia maumahara koe ki tēnei ina rongo koe i te tinihanga o tō hoa rangatira. Tērā pea ka noho tonu koe ki ngā whakaaro pēnei i te "me pēhea te whakamamae i taku tāne tinihanga" me te "me pēhea te whara i taku tāne tinihanga". He mea maori tēnā, ā, tera pea ka pai te ahua.

Ko te mea nui ko te mahi i runga i ēnei whakaaro, kāore rānei. Ki te hiahia pono koe ki te tuku i tēnei raruraru, me te anga whakamua, kaua e moumou taima me tō kaha ki te whakatakoto i tētahi mahere matua hei whakamamae i tāu tāne. Engari, arotahi ki te kimi huarahi hei whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga pōuri e pā ana ki a koe, kia ora ai koe. 

Ki te kore e taea e koe te wikitoria i te mamae, te riri, me te mamae, ngana te tango i te ara wairua kia mārama ai ngā kare ā-roto taupatupatu me ngā kare ā-roto pōhēhē katoa. Ko ngā mahi māmā pēnei i te whakaaroaro me te aro nui ka waiho hei punga pai i roto i ēnei wā o te pōrearea o roto. Kia kitea e koe tō whakaaro nui o roto, ka taea e ia te ārahi i a koe ki te huarahi tika.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakamā o te Hanga Anō i tētahi Hononga i Muri i te Tinihanga, me pēhea te Whakahaere 

10. Arotahi ki tō oranga tinana

Ka pāngia te hoa rangatira kua tinihangatia e te awhiowhio o ngā kare ā-roto i muri i te puremu. He tūturu te mamae kare ā-roto, ā, ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro mēnā kāore e tika te whakahaere. Koia te mea tino nui kia kaua e warewarehia tō ake whakaoranga i a koe e ngana ana ki te rapu huarahi hei whakaora i tō whanaungatanga.

Me atawhai koe i a koe anō me te aroha—te momo e whakaaturia e koe ki tētahi hoa pai i roto i tētahi āhuatanga ōrite—ā, me whakarite kia taea e koe te whakaora me te tuku i te mamae e ngau ana i tō ngākau. Anei ētahi huarahi ka taea e koe te aroha ki a koe anō me te manaaki i a koe anō i a koe e ora ana i te pōuri o te tinihanga a te tangata i arohaina e koe, i whakawhirinaki hoki ki a koe me ō mea katoa:

• Haere ki te rongoā hinengaro hei whakaora i te mamae me te pōuri
• Whakaritea he wā hei mahi i ngā mahi e hari ai koe – mai i te hikoi ki te māra, te pānui pukapuka, te whakarongo waiata
• Whakamahia he wa ki o hoa aroha
• Whakaharatauhia te aroātahi hei wawahi i te porowhita o te whakaaro nui rawa
• Whakamātauria te tuhi i tētahi rātaka hei mārama ki ō kare ā-roto
• Kai pai, me whakakori tinana hoki kia kore ai tō hauora tinana e pā kino

11. He mea nui te tohutohu

Kua hipa kē koe i te wā "Kei te whakapae ahau kei te tinihanga taku tāne engari kāore āku taunakitanga". Kua tuwhera ana hara, ā, he maha ngā pātai hou mō te āhua o te whakahaere i tētahi tāne tinihanga me tō marena mai i tēnei wā ki mua, e tū atu ana ki tō kanohi inaianei:

• Me noho koe, me haere rānei?
• Ki te whakatau koe ki te noho tonu, tera pea ka hiahia koe ki te mōhio: he aha te huarahi tika hei whakahoki mai i te tangata tinihanga?
• Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe ki te wehe atu, ko te pātai pea kei roto i tō hinengaro ko tēnei: ​​me pēhea te wehe atu i tāu tāne tinihanga e arohaina ana e koe?
• Ā, ina horomia koe e ngā whakaaro mō tana tinihanga, ka hiahia pea koe ki te mōhio: me pēhea te mutu te whakaaro nui i muri i te tinihangatia?

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kimi huarahi hei whakatau i te tāne tinihanga, ina koa mēnā kei te hiahia tonu kōrua kia noho tahi. Koinei te wā tika hei rapu āwhina māu me tō kōrua marena. Kaua e whakamā ki te kōrero ki tētahi kaiārahi mō ngā tokorua, me te ngana ki te whakaputa i ngā mea katoa kua huna e kōrua, me te whakaoti i ō raruraru.

Mā te whakapuaki i ō raruraru i te aroaro o tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai mātauranga ka āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai mēnā he mea kei te ngaro i roto i tō whanaungatanga ka taea te mahi, mēnā rānei kei te raru koe i tētahi raruraru. tangata tinihanga taunga. 

12. Murua ōu ake tikanga

I a koe e noho tonu ana me te tangata nāna koe i tinihanga, tera pea ka pōuri tō tāne, ka rapu murunga hara. Kia ata noho. Whakaora mārire, ā, hoatu he wā ki a koe anō. whakarite mo te murunga haraMe mārama tō hoa rangatira kāore e taea e ia te akiaki i a koe ki te muru i ō rātou hara, me te tīmata anō i te ao hou. I konei, me wareware koe ki tō tāne tinihanga, me te whakamōhio atu ki a ia me whai wā koe ki te whakaoti i tēnei raruraru i tō ake tere.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ko wai te Tinihanga Nui ake—Tāne, Wahine rānei? Ngā Kōrero a ngā Raraunga

Ngā Kōwhiringa Whakamua

Tautuhia ngā rohe, hangaia anō te whakawhirinaki mēnā ka taea, me whakatau rānei i te kōwhiringa uaua ki te wehe atu—me te whakarite kia hangai tō whakatau ki tō oranga mō te wā roa.

13. Kati te noho hei whāriki tatau

Whakaaturia te whakaute, me te tono kia whakahokia mai. He uaua engari he āwhina.

I te wā e ngana ana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga, he mea nui anō hoki kia mōhio koe ki ngā mea kāore e tika kia mahia. Kōrerohia, whakahē atu ki a ia, kaua e whakapae i a koe anō, kati te noho hei whāriki tatau. E tika ana kia whiwhi koe i te aroha, te whakaute, me te pono, kaua hoki e tinihangatia. Ina rongo koe i te tinihanga o tō hoa, kia kaha, kia tū pakari hoki mōu ake. Ina koa mēnā kei te whakaaro koe ki te noho tahi me tētahi hoa tinihanga, he mea nui kia:

• Me mārama ki a ia me mutu te tinihanga
• Whakangahauhia tetahi kōrero mō te hanga anō i tō whanaungatanga kia tino mōhio koe kua mutu te tinihanga
• Whakatakotoria he rohe ki tō hoa
• Kōrerohia he aha te mea e kiia ana he takahi i te whakapono, ā, me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa rangatira kāore he wāhi hei whakarerekē i taua āhuatanga.

Kia maumahara hoki, ko te whakatikatika i te whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga, e whakawhirinaki ana ki ana tauhohenga ki te āhuatanga. Ka taea e koe te tumanako kia houhia te rongo me te angitu o tō marena mēnā he tino pouri ia, ā, e hiahia ana ki te whakatika i ana hapa. Ki te kore ia e ngana ana ki te whakaaro, "Me pēhea te noho hei tāne pai ake i muri i te tinihanga?", he iti noa te tumanako mō tō marena, ahakoa te maha o ngā whai wāhitanga ka hoatu e koe ki tō hoa.

14. Kua tae te wā mō ētahi whakatau uaua

Kua whakamātau koe i ngā mea katoa, engari kāore he otinga e kitea ana? "I tinihanga taku tāne, ā, kāore e taea e au te wareware," tērā pea ka kitea e koe kei te whakaae puku koe ki a koe anō, ahakoa kei te taurite te mutunga o tō marena. Tērā pea, kāore e taea e koe te mutu te whakaaro ki a ia i te moenga me tētahi atu i ia wā ka whai wā koe ki a koe anō. Tērā pea ko te wehi kei aroha ia ki tētahi atu wahine e kai ana i a koe i roto.

Ahakoa te take, e mōhio ana koe i a mātou, ko te kore e taea te aro atu ki te mamae o te tāne tinihanga he rite ki te noho me te mamae tonu, kore e mutu. I tēnei wā, me whakatau e koe ētahi whakatau nui.

• Kei te hiahia koe ki te hoatu i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki tō marena?
• Mena koinā, ka taea e koe te muru pono i te tinihanga a tō hoa?
• Kei te whakaaro koe ki te whakarērea tō tāne mō te tinihanga?

Kei a koe te whakatau whakamutunga, ko te tikanga. Engari ko tā mātou tohutohu mō te whakatau i tētahi tangata tinihanga, kia tere ake te whakatau. Kia whai wāhi koe ki te mimiti me te tukatuka i te ohorere me te mamae tuatahi, whakaaroarohia, ka whakatau i tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi i muri mai. Kaua e whakaroa tonu i te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore tō ngākau i roto. Kāore he pai i puta mai i te whiu i te hōiho mate.

Te pānui e pā ana: 17 Ngā Mea Hinengaro mō te Tinihanga – Te Wetewete i ngā Pūrākau

15. Te neke whakamua

Kia oti i a koe te whakatau me pēhea te whakautu ki te puremu a tō tāne, ko te taahiraa e whai ake nei ko te whakatau ko tēhea ara e hangai ana ki tō oranga. Ahakoa ka whiriwhiri koe ki te hanga anō i te whanaungatanga, ki te wehe atu rānei, ko te māramatanga me te whakarite te mea nui. Anei ngā taahiraa me mahi e koe, i runga i tāu whakatau:

Whakatakotoria he rohe, ā, mahi ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki mēnā ka whakatau kōrua ki te noho tahi

E taea ana te houhanga rongo, engari me whakapau kaha ngā hoa e rua ki te huri. Hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatakoto rohe me te whakatairanga i te māramatanga katoa. Anei te huarahi:

• Me mutu te mahi: Itohe kia mutu katoa te kōrero ki te tangata kē
• Rapua he tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine: Ka taea e tētahi rōpū tuatoru koretake te āwhina i te hanga anō i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whakatika i ngā take matua
• Waihangahia he mahere mārama: Whakaaetia ngā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, ngā maramataka tiritiri mēnā e tika ana, ngā tirotiro haere auau rānei
• Tautuhia ngā rohe mārama: Whakatauhia ngātahi ngā whanonga e kiia ana he tinihanga—ngā hononga kare ā-roto, te tuku karere puku, te huna i ngā pūtea, me te mahi ki te whakakore i aua whanonga.
• Rapua he whakapau kaha pumau: He maha ngā marama, ngā tau rānei e pau ana ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, nō reira kia tūpato ki te kawenga pumau, pono hoki.

Tiakina koe i runga i te ture me te pūtea mēnā ka whakatau koe ki te neke atu

Mena ko te wehenga, ko te whakarere rānei te whiringa hauora, he mea nui kia tiakina ō tika me te whakamahere mō te pumau. Mō tēnā, me mahi koe, 

• Kōrero ki tētahi rōia whānau: Kia mārama ki ō mana ture mō te rawa, te mana tiaki, me te tautoko moni
• Arotake me te wehewehe i ngā pūtea: Honoa ngā kāri nama, whakatūria tō ake pūkete peeke, ā, tuhia ngā rawa tiritahi
• Whakahōu i ngā tuhinga nui: Ngā wira, ngā tāngata whai pānga inihua, ngā tiiti whenua, ngā hoapā ohorere rānei
• Kohikohia ngā taunakitanga o te kore whakapono: I ētahi mana whakahaere, ka pā pea tēnei ki ngā whakataunga, ki te pupuri rānei i ngā taonga
• Hangaia he punaha tautoko: Whakauruhia ngā hoa pono, te whānau rānei, hei tautoko i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā mahi whakarite i te wā whakawhiti.
• Whakatairangahia tō mana motuhake: Whakamaherehia te whare, te moni whiwhi, me te haumaru whaiaro kia neke whakamua ai koe mai i te tūranga kaha

Ngā mea hei mahi, ngā mea kāore e tika ana kia mahia ina mahi tahi me te tāne tinihanga

Me pēhea te whakamamae i te tāne tinihanga: 7 ngā huarahi

Mena kua whakapau kaha koe ki te aro atu ki te mamae nui i muri i te tinihanga, ā, ki te kite koe kāore tō tāne e mahi ana i tana mahi ki te whakatika i te kino me te hanga anō i te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakamamae i te tāne tinihanga. Ko te tikanga, ka puta mai tēnei whakaaro i te whakahoki utu ki tō tāne mō te mamae i pā ki a koe, me te hiahia ki te whakahoki mai i te mana whakahaere i roto i tētahi āhua. Heoi, kia tino rongo ia i te taumaha o āna mahi, kāore koe e hiahia ki te rapu utu iti. I ētahi wā, he kaha ake te pānga o ngā nekehanga ngawari, kaha atu i te whiunga a te ringa. Anei ētahi huarahi e whitu hei whakaaroaro māu.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me murua e au taku tāne mō te tinihanga?

1. Tangohia tō rangimārie, ka tiaho i roto i tōu ake māramatanga

Ko te mamae nui rawa atu o te tangata tinihanga ko te mātakitaki i te tangata i whara i a ia e ara ake ana me te kaha, me te tū motuhake. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Anita Sethi, he tohunga hinengaro haumanu kei New York, "I muri i te tinihanga, ko te karere tino kaha ko te huringa whaiaro. Ina kite tō hoa rangatira i tō tipu, i tō manawanui, ka akiaki i a ia ki te whakaaro kua ngaro i a ia tētahi e kore e taea te whakakapi." 

Ko te tikanga o tēnei ko te ruku hohonu ki roto i ō hiahia, ō wawata, me tō oranga tinana. Tērā pea ka whakauru koe ki ngā akomanga i whakarērea e koe i ngā tau kua pahure ake nei, ka whakapau kaha ki ngā mahere haere kua roa e tatari ana, ka whakatupu rānei i ngā hoahoa hei tautoko i a koe. He rongoā whakaora tēnei tipu mōu, engari he whakaata anō hoki e whakaata ana i ngā mea i whakarērea e ia. Ina kī tonu koe i te kata, i te māia, me te kaupapa hou, ko te wā tēnā ka pā mai te mamae pono o te pouri ki tō tāne kua ngaro atu. 

2. Whakatakotoria he rohe pumau, ā, whakatinanahia ngā hua

Me mārama rawa atu koe ki ō rohe, ā, me pupuri tonu. E kī ana te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta Raj Gupta, "Ina koretake ngā rohe, kāore he tikanga. Mā ngā hua tūturu ka mārama tō tāne he utu nui ki a ia nā tana whakawhirinaki i tinihangatia. Ko te mea nui ko te mana whakahaere. Ko tō mana whakahaere i ngā mea e whakaaetia ana, me ngā mea kāore e whakaaetia." Ko te tikanga pea o aua hua, 

• Te tohe kia haere ia ki te wānanga tohutohu
• Te whakawhāiti i te urunga atu ki ngā rawa tiritahi
• Kāore e mau tonu te whanaungatanga ā-tinana kia whakaaturia rā anō e ia tōna whakapau kaha ki te huri 

Ko te ōritetanga te mea nui i konei, nā te mea ko te wiriwiri he tohu mō te ngoikore. Ko te māramatanga i roto rohe hononga ka hurihia tōna herekoretanga hei kawenga. He mea whakararuraru ki a ia te herea me te pupuri i runga i te here poto, engari ko taua whakararuraru te tīmatanga o te ako.

3. Kōrerotia tō pono, engari kaua e kukumea ki roto i te whakaari

He mea maori te hiahia ki te kōrero i ngā mea katoa e mamae ana, engari ko te tuku i ō mamae katoa ki a ia ka hoki whakamuri. E kī ana te tohunga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero a Valerie Brooks, "Kōrero mārire, pono hoki mō te pānga o āna mahi ki a koe, engari karohia te mutunga kore." te huri-whakapae"... Ina tōia koe ki roto i te raruraru, ka ngaro tō mana, ā, ka roa ake tō mamae." Engari i te hamama, i te whakatakoto rānei i tētahi rārangi arowhai mō ngā hara ki a ia, whiriwhiria he wā hei whakapuaki mārama i ō kare ā-roto, kātahi ka whai wāhi hei tiaki i a koe mai i ngā patunga kare ā-roto e toe ana.

I runga i te Reddit, i kōrero mai tētahi kaiwhakamahi, "I tūtaki ahau ki taku tāne i tētahi wā, me te whakamārama mārire i te pakaru o taku whakawhirinaki i tana tinihanga. I mutu taku mahi i muri i tērā. He mea miharo, ko tana wahangu hei whakautu he mea whakararuraru ake i tētahi atu tautohetohe. Nā tēnā i kite ia i te kaha o te tautohetohe, me te kore ahau e kōrero tonu."

Te pānui e pā ana: E Mamae Ana Ngā Kaitinihanga? 8 Ngā Huarahi e Pā ai te Whakaponokore ki te Tangata Hara

4. Kia tata tonu ō hoa me tō whānau, engari kaua e tino tata rawa

He mea nui te tahuri ki ngā hoa me te whānau mō te whakamarie, engari kaua e huri i tō mamae hei pakanga tūmatanui. E whakatūpato ana a Jasmine Burnett, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whanaungatanga, "Mā te whakaiti i tō tāne i mua i te hunga e arohaina ana, te kōrero nui rānei, ka kino te hua. He maha ngā wā ka arahi ki te wehewehe, ka uaua ake te houhanga rongo, te wehenga rangimārie rānei." Engari, rapua te tautoko i roto i ngā kōrero tūmataiti ka taea e koe te whakaputa i ō whakaaro me te whakatakoto rautaki me te kore e tūpono ka piki haere te pakanga.

Ko ō whanaunga hei pou tuara mōu, me te pupuri tonu i tō mana. Ko tāu e hiahia ana ko te whakakaha i tō porowhita o roto hei tautoko i tō oranga, kaua e whakatupu i ngā raruraru i waenganui i te tangata. Whakawhirinaki ki ēnei hononga hei whakakaha i a koe, kaua hei patu.

5. Kia kore e taea te matapae, engari kia mau tonu te tūnga

He maha ngā wā ka tupu te kore whakapono i runga i te mana whakahaere me te matapae. Ina mōhio tō tāne ki tāu tauhohenga, ka taea e ia te karo i ngā hua kare ā-roto o āna mahi. E kī ana a Tākuta Anita Sethi, "Mā te pakaru i ngā tauira me te kore e matapaetia ka whakakorikori i te whakaaro o te tangata tinihanga mō te pumau me te mana." 

Nō reira, ko te whakautu māmā ki te pātai me pēhea te whakamamae i te tāne tinihanga ko te whakarerekē i tō kaupapa mahi i ētahi wā, te whai i ngā hiahia ohorere, te kore rānei e whai i ana tikanga noa. Heoi, ko te kore e taea te matapae ehara i te mea he hiahia ohorere. Ko te mea nui ko te miharo i a ia ki tō mana motuhake me te uaua o ngā kare ā-roto, ehara i te raruraru. Ka noho pūmau koe ki tō ake mana. ngā uara matua me ngā matea, kia mōhio ai koe ko ēnei mahi hei whakamana i a koe, kaua ko te riri anake. 

6. Tukua kia kōrero nui ngā pānga ture me ngā pānga pūtea

I ētahi wā, ko te karere tino uaua ko tētahi e ahu mai ana i te ao tūturu. E whakamārama ana te rōia a Melissa Chen, "Ina whakamāramahia ngā whakaritenga pūtea, ā, ina whakatūria ngā parenga ture, ka tukuna he karere mārama, kāore e taea te hē: He pānga kei konei, ā, e tino hiahia ana ahau ki te tiaki i ahau anō." Tērā pea he ahua uaua tēnei, engari i roto i ngā marena uaua, inā koa ka uru ngā tamariki, ngā rawa rānei, ko te whakarere i te whai wāhi ki te taha pūtea he tino painga.

Mā te mahi i ngā mahi pēnei i te kōrero ki tētahi rōia, te wehewehe i ngā pūtea, te noho motuhake rānei mō tētahi wā poto, ka pāngia tō tāne e te utu tūturu o tana tinihanga, nui atu i te kare ā-roto. Ka hurihia te whanaungatanga mai i ngā mana ki ngā whiriwhiringa. Ka tāpiri atu a Chen, "He tino pāngia ēnei mahi nā te mea ka pā ki te āhua noho me te haumarutanga, arā, ngā mea e rua e warewarehia ana e te hunga tinihanga i roto i te wā poto e makona ai rātou."

 Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakaipoipo me te Hoa Mahi—15 Ngā Tohu kei te Tinihanga tō Tāne i te Mahi

7. Kōwhiria te rongoā kaua te rapu utu, ā, mātakitaki i taua wero

Ahakoa te ahua rerekē, ko te whakaora te momo mamae tino kino rawa atu ka pā ki te tāne tinihanga. E kī ana te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta Karen Silva, "He maha ngā wā ka whakaitihia e te tangata te mana o te murunga hara, ehara i te mea ko te wareware, ko te whakamāori rānei i te tinihanga, engari ko te murunga hara i a koe anō me te neke whakamua. Mā te whakahoki mai i tō oranga me te kore kawa, ka tangohia e koe te mana o te kare ā-roto e rapuhia ana e te tangata tinihanga." Ko te tikanga o tēnei kāore koe e tahu piriti, e takahuri rānei ki ngā mahi utu e mau ai koe i roto i te mamae. Engari, ka whiriwhiri koe i te rangimārie.

Nō reira, e kite ana koe, ko te whakamamae i te tāne tinihanga, kāore e hiahiatia kia uru ki ngā whakaeke iti, ki ngā takaro tamariki rānei. Ko te mea nui ko tētahi huarahi whanaketanga, ā, kei a koe te mana. Ko tō tipu, ō rohe, me tō whakaute i a koe anō te mea nui ake i tētahi atu tautohetohe. Ā, ehara i te mea koinei te momo mamae e tika ana mā rātou?

FAQs

Thoughts Final

Ko tā mātou kupu tohutohu whakamutunga mō te whakatau i tētahi tāne tinihanga, kia kaha te hinengaro, kia kaha hoki ki te whakatau i ētahi whakatau uaua. Kia mōhio koe he kaha koe, ā, e tika ana kia whiwhi koe i te aroha me te whakaute katoa o te ao. Kaua e tukua tetahi kia kī atu i tētahi atu mea. Ka tinihanga ngā tāne, pērā anō hoki ngā wāhine. Kāore ngā whanaungatanga i te tino tika. Ko te mea nui, ko te āhua o tō whakatau i ēnei āhuatanga, me te tipu hei tangata pai ake i roto i ia āhuatanga. He uaua te ao, engari kei te ngana pea ki te whakaako i a tātou i tētahi akoranga.

Te Tinihanga i roto i te Hononga Tawhiti: 18 Ngā Tohu Ngāwari

E rima ngā wāhine e whakaatu ana i te take i murua ai e rātou ā rātou tāne tinihanga

Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakatau i te Tinihanga Kare ā-roto mai i tētahi Kaiwhakaora Tohunga

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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