Ko te whakaaro kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, kāore e kore ko tētahi o ngā wheako tino pouri o te ao. Inaa, ka tae atu ahau ki te kī he nui ake te mamae o tēnei whakaaro o te wareware i roto i te whanaungatanga piripono i te mamae o te ngākau. Ina mutu te whanaungatanga, he iti noa te whakaae pono kua ngaro te aroha, ā, he whakaaro hoki mō te mutunga.
I tētahi atu taha, ko ngā kare ā-roto o te wareware ka pāngia koe e te kore aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tō hononga, i ia rā, i ia rā. He rite ki te mamae nui o te ngākau o te ngākau i ngā wā katoa, kātahi ka whakarite i a koe anō ki te hoki ki taua whanaungatanga kore e whai hua.
Ina whakaaro te wahine kāore ia i te arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka whakapono ia nā te mea kāore ia e tika kia arohaina. Waihoki, ina whakaaro te tāne kāore ia i te arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga, tera pea ka puta he raruraru whakaaro nui ki a ia anō. He mārama, ko te whakaaro kāore ia i te arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga ka pā he pānga nui ki tō hononga ki tō hoa, tae atu ki tō whakaaro mōu ake.
Nā, he aha ētahi o ngā tohu mārama kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Ā, he mea nui ake, he aha tāu e taea ai te mahi hei whakatika i aua tohu? Anei ētahi tirohanga ki ngā tohu o te warewaretanga kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga me ngā huarahi hei whakatau i tēnā, mā te kōrero ki tētahi tohunga hinengaro haumanu. Ātia Puojari (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Hauora, Tohu Paetahi Matua i roto i te Hinengaro Whakaora).
He aha te āhua o te mangere i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
I te kitenga o ngā hoa aroha i tētahi manawataki whakamarie i roto i tā rāua noho tahi, ehara i te mea onge te pānga o te kaha ki te mahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka puhoi haere ngā tohu aroha me ngā whakaaturanga aroha. Heoi, i roto i tētahi whārite hauora, kāore ēnei huringa e rite ki te whakaaro kua warewarehia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Nā te mea ka ako ngā hoa e rua ki te whanake i roto i ō rātou nekehanga hurihuri me te kimi huarahi hou hei hono atu.
Koinei te wā e whakamaoritia ai ngā huringa hihiri ki tetahi hoa e whakaaro noa ana ki tetahi kāore rānei e aro ana ki ngā matea kare ā-roto o tētahi ki tētahi, ā, ka waiho te whanaungatanga hei mea kore aro. I roto i te putanga a Natalie, he tauira 19-tau te pakeke o Columbia, "I muri i tō māua wehenga ki te kāreti, i takaro te tawhiti tawhiti i āna mahi tinihanga ki te wehe i a māua i ia rā, i ia rā. I reira ka rongo ahau i te rongo mō te wehenga o ōku mātua. Ko te mea kotahi i tino hiahiatia e au i aua rā ko tana tautoko kare ā-roto, he kokonga ngāwari hei okiokinga atu i a au e ngenge rawa ana i te mamae me te mamae katoa. Engari kāore i a ia te wā ki te kōrero ki ahau, me te kore e waiho hei tangata aroha. I tētahi wā, i hiahia ahau ki te tapahi i te miro whakamutunga i waenganui i a māua, kaua ki te whakaaro kua kore arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti."
Nā, me pēhea te wehewehe i te rerekētanga o ngā āhuatanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i te āhua o te kore aro ki tētahi whanaungatanga? Anei ngā tohu e rima o te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hei tūpato māu:
1. Te kore korero
E ai ki a Adya, te kore korero Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ko te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ngā mea nui anake engari mō ngā mea iti hoki. Ka ngana koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa mō tō rā, ki te kōrero rānei ki a rātou i tētahi mea whakamere i tupu i te mahi, ā, kāore rātou e aro mai ki a koe. He momo tino noa o te kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga.
"Ina kore te hoa e pai ki te kōrero tahi me koe i ia rā, i ia rā, kei te tangohia e rātou tētahi taputapu nui hei hanga i te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga. Mārire, engari he pono, ka iti haere ngā mea hei whakapuaki māu tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka waiho pea tēnei hei whakaaro kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te mea kāore koe e rongohia, e kitea, e mihia rānei," te kī a Adya.
Ina rongo te wahine kua warewarehia ia i roto i te whanaungatanga, i te nuinga o te wā, nā te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ko ana ngana ki te hono atu ki tana hoa mā te kōrerorero, ahakoa te aukati i ngā wā katoa, ka puta te whakaaro kāore ia e arohia, kāore hoki e arohaina. Ko ngā tohu o te mangere i roto i te whanaungatanga ka pā ki te tāne, ka whakanui ake i te koretake o tana whanaungatanga.
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2. Ko te tinihanga tētahi o ngā tohu o te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga
Ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā tohu o te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te whanaungatanga kotahi, he mea ngāwari te kore whakapono. "Ina takahia e te hoa tō whakawhirinaki, ā, ka tukuna te aroha me te whanaungatanga tika ki tētahi atu, kei te whakaatu rātou i te kore aro ki ō hiahia, ki ō tumanakohanga, me tō oranga. He mea kore aro tēnā ki te hoa," te kī a Adya.
Tērā pea koe e whakaaro ana, "He mea noa te whakaaro kua warewarehia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i muri i te tinihanga a taku hoa?" Āe, ko te tinihanga o te whakawhirinaki me te kore pono - ahakoa he kare ā-roto, he pūtea, he tinana rānei - he pānga nui atu i te mangere. I konei, i takahia e te tangata ngā oati tapu me ngā herenga i mahia e rātou ki a koe. Kāore he tangata e taea te whakapae i a koe mō te whakaaro kua warewarehia, kua pakaru rānei i muri i tētahi aituā pēnei.
Ehara i te tohu noa te tinihanga engari he hua anō hoki nō te kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, ina whakaaro te tangata kua kore arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka rapu pea ia i tētahi atu huarahi hei whakatutuki i te mea e ngaro ana i tana hononga matua. He hononga kare ā-roto he tohu matarohia o te mangere i roto i ēnei āhuatanga.
3. Ka noho te taatai ki te tinana anake
E kī ana a Lauren, he tohunga hokohoko kei roto i ōna tau 40, "Kei te pāngia tō māua marena e te āhua uaua. Nā te nui o te mahi me tōna hiahia ki te eke pahikara, kua pōuri ahau i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko tētahi o ngā mate tuatahi o te tawhiti e ngokingoki haere ana i waenganui i a māua ko tō māua oranga moepuku."
"Ina rongo te wahine kua warewarehia ia i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka uaua ki a ia te hono atu ki tana hoa i runga i te moepuku. Koinā hoki taku e pā nei. Kāore au e rongo ana i te whakaohooho a taku tāne, ā, kua waiho te moepuku hei mahi uaua. He mahi noa iho tā māua engari kāore he ngākau nui, he hiahia rānei. E whakapae ana taku tāne i aku homoni me te koroheketanga, ā, e kore e whakaae kei te warewarehia ahau, kāore hoki he mea nui ki ahau. Nā tēnā i whakanui ake i tō māua raruraru, i roto i te rūma moe me waho."
E whakaae ana a Adya ko tēnei tētahi o ngā tohu noa o te warewaretanga o te ngākau i roto i te whanaungatanga"Ka whakaitihia te taatai hei huarahi noa iho hei whakatutuki i tētahi hiahia taketake. Ina he kore aro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka tīmata pea ngā hoa ki te titiro tetahi ki tetahi hei huarahi ki te whakatutuki i te hiahia moepuku. Nā te mea kāore koe e rongo ana i te uara, i te manaaki rānei, ka nui haere noa te kare o te kore aro."
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4. Kāore e tutukihia ngā hiahia kare ā-roto
E kī ana a Adya ko te whakaaro kāore i te arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga ka hua ake he whakaaro pōuri kāore ō hiahia kare ā-roto e tutukihia ana. Hei tauira, he rā uaua tō mahi, he mea maori noa iho te rapu whakamarie i tō hoa, te whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga ki a rātou, me te tumanako kia waiho rātou hei pakihiwi hei okiokinga mōu.
Heoi, ki te kore e aro tō hoa ki ēnei matea, ā, ka tapaina te tumanako tautoko hei tohu o tō piripono, tō hiahia rānei, ka tīmata pea koe ki te whakaaro kāore koe e arohia ana, kāore e arohaina, ā, ka warewarehia e te tangata kotahi e tika ana kia waiho hei rongoā mōu. Ehara i te mea he kore noa iho tēnei i te hiahia nui o te hinengaro, ko te kore aro o tō hoa ki ā kōrua whakatutukitanga me tō kōrua tiritiri i te harikoa me te harikoa ka taea te pana atu i a kōrua.
Ina pāngia koe e te kore aro o tō hoa tāne, tō hoa wahine rānei, tō hoa rangatira rānei, tērā pea ka kitea e koe kei mutu tō whakapuaki i ō whakaaro me ō kare ā-roto pono ki a rātou. Engari, ka tahuri koe ki tētahi atu tangata – he hoa, he tuākana, he teina rānei, he hoa mahi rānei – hei whakamarie i a koe i ngā wā uaua. Mā te haere tonu, ka pā kino tēnei ki te hononga e honoa ana e kōrua, ka wehe kē ai kōrua.
5. He tohu te whanaungatanga taha-kotahi mō te kore aro
Me pēhea koe e whakaaro ai kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Ka whakamārama a Adya, "He whanaungatanga taha-kotahi Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea o te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, ki te pātai atu koe ki a rātou mō ō rātou oranga, ka kōrerotia katoatia e rātou ki a koe, ā, ka whakarongo koe ki a rātou me te harikoa. Engari ki te kōrero koe i tētahi mea e arohaina ana e koe, kāore rātou e whakahoki mai.”
I te taenga mai ki tēnei wā o ngā tohu o te kore aro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka maumahara ahau ki tētahi kaupapa i kōrerotia mai e tētahi hoa ki ahau. Ko tō rāua huritau ono marama i muri i tō rāua tīmatanga ki te whakaipoipo. I tunua e ia te keke tīhi purūpere tino pai a te hoa rangatira me te tino ātaahua hei whakanui i tō rāua aroha. Engari i pakaru tonu tōna ngākau i te urupare i riro mai i a ia. Te āhua nei, he tamariki ia, he tangata whakahīhī, ā, i kata nui ōna hoa i muri i te mōhio ki tēnei "kōtiro piri".
E ai ki a Adya, "I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga taha-kotahi, ka huri tonu koe kia tutuki ai ētahi paearu ahakoa te utu mō tō oranga hinengaro, oranga tinana rānei. Nō reira, ka mutu, ka whakaaro koe ko koe anake te tangata e whakapau kaha ana ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia mau tonu, engari kua tata kore tō hoa. Kāore rātou e aro nui ki ngā mea nui ki a koe, ahakoa he huihuinga motuhake pēnei i ngā huritau me ngā rā whānau, ō reo aroha, ngā oati rānei i mahia e kōrua ki a kōrua."
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Ko te mea uaua mō te whakaaro kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he uaua ki te tohu i te mea he aha te hē o tō whanaungatanga. Tērā pea kei te noho tonu koe me taua whakaaro kāore tō whanaungatanga i te rite ki tētahi hononga whai hua, whai kiko. Engari ki te pātaihia he aha, tera pea ka kitea koe e kōrero ana i roto i ngā kupu whakarāpopoto pēnei i te "kāore i te tika te āhua" "Kei te ahua korekore ahau" "Kei te ahua ahau he He takakau ahau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga".
I roto i tēnei wā katoa, ka taea e te whakaaro kore aro tonu te whakangaro i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, ā, ka waiho pea koe kia ki tonu i te kore haumaru me te manukanuka. Tuatahi, me mātau koe ki ngā kare ā-roto hei tautuhi i te āhua o te āhua o tō whanaungatanga. Kātahi ka ako me pēhea te whakatau i te whakaaro kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga. Anei ngā huarahi e iwa ka taea e koe te tīmata ki te hanga i ngā huringa iti hei whakatau pai i te whakaaro kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga:
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1. Whakatakotoria he rohe hei whakatau i te kore aro i roto i te whanaungatanga
Āhea koe ka tino pāngia e te kore aro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Mā te whakautu ki tēnei pātai ka kitea ai e koe ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatau i tēnei raruraru. Me whakaaroaro anō mēnā kei a koe whakatakotohia he rohe hauora i roto i tō whanaungatangaE kī ana koe 'kāo' me te mea ko tō tikanga tēnā? E kī ana koe 'āe' i a koe e TINO hiahia ana ki te kī 'kāo'? E tukua ana e koe tō hoa kia tutuki i a ia tana e pai ai kia mau tonu ai te rangimārie me te rangimarie i roto i te whanaungatanga?
Ki te pērā, kei reira tō whakautu ki te huarahi hei whakatau i te whakaaro kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Mā te kore e tuku i tetahi - tae atu ki tō hoa rangatira - kia takahi i a koe. "Ki te mea kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, me whai rohe koe, me ngana ki te mōhio ki a koe anō. Hoki atu ki te wā i pai ai koe ki tō kiri, kātahi ka aromatawai me pēhea koe i tae atu ai ki te wāhi kei reira koe. Ā, ngana ki te ako mai i te wheako," te tohutohu a Adya.
2. Arotakehia ō tumanakohanga mō te whanaungatanga
Kei te rapu koe i tētahi otinga tere – he whakautu mārama ki te pehea e mutu ai te whakaaro kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Kua tae pea te wā ki te tirotiro mēnā he nui rawa ō tumanakohanga kore e taea e tō hoa te aro atu. I roto a Charmaine i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau me tētahi tāne i aroha ki a ia. Heoi anō, te āhua nei kei te whakararuraru tetahi mea i tō rāua whanaungatanga. Ko te nui o tana ngana ki te tautoko i a Charmaine, ko te nui ake o ngā tumanakohanga a Charmaine i a ia. Nā tēnei i ara ake ai he tautohetohe me ngā tautohetohe tonu, me te kī tonu a Charmaine kāore ia e aro ki a ia.
"Me pēhea koe e whakaaro ai kua warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kei reira tō hoa rangatira hei tautoko i a koe i ia taahiraa o te ara?" te pātai a te tuahine matua o Charmaine ki a ia, i a ia e amuamu ana mō te maha o ngā wā kua pōhēhē ia i roto i tana whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te uaua ki a Charmaine te whakarongo ki tēnā, ko te pono ko ana tumanakohanga koretake te pūtake o tēnei kare ā-roto o te koretake.
Ehara i te mea ahurei te āhua o Charmaine. Nā te pukumahi, te mokemoke, me te ao matihiko o te whakatupuranga o nāianei kua tino whakapiki ake i ngā tumanakohanga whanaungatanga. E hiahia ana mātou kia noho ā mātou hoa aroha he hunga aroha nui, he hoa pai, he hoa wairua, he tangata hei kōrero whakahihiri hinengaro, he tangata hei whakamārama i ō mātou wā hoha katoa. He mahi uaua tēnei mā te tangata katoa kia taurite. Nō reira, i ētahi wā, ko te whakautu ki te pehea e whakatau ai i te whakaaro kua warewarehia i roto i te whanaungatanga kei roto pea i te whakahaere pono i ō tumanakohanga.
3. Whakawhanakehia te pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mēnā kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga
E kī ana a Adya, "Ki te mea kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia whakawhanake i te pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e āhei ai koe ki te whakapuaki i tō āhua kare ā-roto, ō hiahia, me ō tumanakohanga ki tō hoa rangatira i roto i ngā kupu mārama, kore e ruarua." Ki te whiriwhiri koe ki te kati i a koe anō ina warewarehia koe e tō hoa tāne, e tō hoa wahine rānei, ka nui ake ngā kare ā-roto kua pehia. Arā, kāore koe e whakangāwari ake i a rātou ki te mārama ki ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe, kāore koe i te whakaaro?"
Ko ētahi o ngā āhuatanga matua o te pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ko te whakaatu i a koe anō, te aroha ki te tangata, te whakaū, te whakapuaki whakaaro, te tautoko, me te tere o te kōrero. Ki te whakamāramahia e koe ia o ēnei āhuatanga, ko te tikanga he whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te whakaū engari me te kore e whakapae, e whakapae rānei. Anei ētahi huarahi māmā ki tewhakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i waenga i ngā hoa mahi.
Tērā pea kāore tō hoa i te mōhio kei te warewarehia koe, kei te warewarehia rānei koe e āna mahi. Ka rerekē tēnei ina tīmatahia e koe he kōrero pono, mārama hoki. Ka nui ake te hiranga o tēnei mahi mēnā kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tawhiti, ā, ko ngā kupu anake hei whakaatu i tō hinengaro me te mārama ki te āhua o tō hoa.
4. Tuhia koe ki te tuatahi
Ko te whakaaro kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga ka puta mai i te hiahia ki te patu nui i a koe anō. I te nuinga o te wā, ina whakaaro te wahine kua warewarehia koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko tētahi o ngā amuamu noa ko "He nui ngā mea kua mahia e au māna me tēnei whānau, kua whakarērea e au aku wawata me aku hiahia, ā, kāore tonu ia e mihi mai ki ahau mō tēnā".
Waihoki, ina whakaaro te tāne kua warewarehia ia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka rongo pea koe i ngā kare ā-roto pēnei: "Kua whakapau kaha ahau ki te homai i te oranga pai rawa atu ki a māua, ā, ko tāku anake e tono ana he tautoko iti, ā, kāore e taea e taku hoa te tuku atu i tēnā." I ngā āhuatanga e rua, ko te whakaaro o te wareware i ahu mai i te whakarērea o ō moemoeā, o ō tumanako, me ō wawata mō te whanaungatanga, me te kore e kite i taua mahi e utua ana i te huarahi e hiahia ana koe.
Haunga te whakaaroaro mō ngā tohu e kore koe e arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, kua whakaaroaro hohonu koe mēnā he mea tito noa iho i roto i tōu mahunga, he pānga rānei nō tō hoa ki tēnei mea? I whakahaerehia, i akiakihia rānei koe e rātou kia tukua tō harikoa me tō mana motuhake kia whāngaihia ai rātou? Me kimi e koe he whakautu māu ake i mua i te neke atu ki te taahiraa e whai ake nei.
Nā, me pēhea te whakatau i te whakaaro kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i roto i ēnei āhuatanga? E taunaki ana a Adya, "Kia mau tonu tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, he mea nui koe. Ko koe te pukapuka, ā, ko ngā tāngata o tō ao ko ngā whārangi, ko ngā wheako rānei kua whakahuatia i roto i taua pukapuka."
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5. Kia mārama ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe kia mutu ai te whakaaro kāore i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga
I tino mōhio a Matt, he tohunga hinengaro kaiārahi, kei te ngokingoki haere te wairua o te kore aro ki roto i tana whanaungatanga ki tana hoa, ki a Russell. I te wā katoa, i whakaaro ia kāore ia i te rangona, kāore hoki i te mārama ki a ia, ā, i ngana a Russell ki te karo i te kawenga mō taua mea mā te kī ko te take tūturu ko te tātari hinengaro tonu a Matt i a ia me tā rāua whanaungatanga.
I roto i tētahi kōrerorero me tētahi hoa mahi matua, i mārama a Matt ki tāna e tika ana kia mahia hei wawahi i tēnei raruraru. "I mōhio ahau he raruraru tā mātou, ā, ko te korenga o Russell ki te whakaae ki taua mea i kino ake ai. Nō reira, i whakatau ahau ki te neke atu i te arotahi mai i te raruraru ki te tūhura i ngā otinga. I whakarerekētia e ahau te kōrero mai i "Kei te pēnei taku kare ā-roto" ki "Me aha tātou hei whakamutu i tēnei kare ā-roto?" ā, i āwhina," tana kī.
Ki te mea kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he rite tonu huarahi whakatau pakanga he mea whai hua. Kia maumahara he mahi tā ngā hoa e rua ki te tautuhi i ngā tikanga whanaungatanga. Nō reira, ki te kore e pai te āhua o nāianei mōu, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakarerekē i ngā mea – engari me mahi tahi, hei rōpū.
6. Kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Kia ngāwari
Me whakaaroaro anō mēnā ka warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. He hē te āhua o tētahi hononga mēnā ka kitea, ka rangona, ka kore rānei koe e maioha ki tētahi, ki a rāua rānei. I a koe e haere ana i taua haerenga tūhuratanga whaiaro kia mārama ai koe ki te pūtake o tēnei kare ā-roto, he mea nui kia ngāwari.
He taupatupatu te wā mahi a kōrua ko tō hoa? Engari kaua e amuamu tetahi ki tetahi mō te kore e nui te wā e noho tahi ai kōrua, ka taea e kōrua te whakaae kia tohaina ētahi mahi kāinga me ētahi kawenga hei whakaora i a kōrua i te wā ki te pārekareka ki tā rāua noho tahi. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi hononga tawhiti, kōrerotia ki a rāua, kia kite ai mēnā he pai te wā. te whakaaro mō tētahi rā mariko Ka taea e ia wiki mutunga te whakamama ake i te āhuatanga.
"Ina ngana koe ki te rapu i ngā otinga mōu ake, kāore e taea e koe te tīmata mā te whai i tētahi anga kua whakaritea hei rapu whakautu. Whakaaetia kāore koe i te mōhio ki ngā mea katoa - ahakoa mōu ake, mō tō whanaungatanga rānei - ā, kia tuwhera ki ngā wheako hou hei kimi i ngā whakautu. Kaua e herea ki ngā whakaaro me ngā tūranga i whakatakotoria e te hapori me ngā āhuatanga e tika ana kia tutuki i a koe," te kī a Adya.
7. Whakauruhia ngā tikanga tika mō te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga kino
"Ko te whakautu ki te āhua o te whakatau i te whakaaro kua warewarehia i roto i te whanaungatanga ka kitea i roto i ngā tikanga tika, pērā i te urutau, te whakaae, me te tūhura, hei whakatau i tēnei whakaaro o te mangere e mau ana ki a koe," te tūtohu a Adya. Ko te urutau he ako ki te whanake me te huringa o tō whanaungatanga. Ko te whakaae he awhi i te mea ka huri tonu tō whanaungatanga me tō hoa i a koe e haere ana i roto i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te ao, me te kore e ātete ki taua huringa. Ā, ko te tūhura he rapu tonu i ngā huarahi hou hei tautuhi anō i tō hononga, hei kimi rānei i ngā whārite hou i roto i tō whanaungatanga.
E toru tau ki muri, i tere te pao o tō ngākau i ia wā ka kite koe i a rāua i te wā e whakatau ana. Kaua e miharo mēnā kua ngaro atu taua hihiri me te harikoa i tētahi wāhi i muri mai. Me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakaora i tō kōrua hononga, mā te tono pea ngā pātai whakawhanake i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto ki a rātou anō, ki te whai wāhi atu rānei ki ngā mahi whakangahau a te tokorua. Ka kitea tonutia e koe he huarahi hei pupuri i te aroha o tōu ao!
8. Kaua e wehi i ngā kare ā-roto mamae
Ko tētahi o ngā take e raru ai te tokomaha o tātou ki te whakatau i ngā kare ā-roto uaua, nā te mea kua whakaritea tātou kia huna, kia kaua e aro, kia pana atu rānei i ngā mea katoa e mamae ai, e whakararuraru ai rānei i a tātou. Heoi, ko te mea uaua mō ngā kare ā-roto, ko te kaha ake o te pana atu i a rātou, ka kaha ake te puta ake.
He mea noa te whakaaro kāore koe i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Ae, i te pakeketanga o te whanaungatanga, i ētahi wā, tera pea ka whakaaro koe kua warewarehia koe e tō hoa. Engari ko te heke mai o tēnei whanaungatanga kei te āhua o tō atawhai i ēnei kare ā-roto. Ka whakakahore koe ki te whakaae ki a rātou nā te mea he tino uaua rawa, ā, ka mahi koe me te mea he mea noa ngā mea katoa? Ka tukatukahia rānei e koe, ka ngana ki te mārama he aha te whanonga o tō hoa e tino mamae ana i a koe?
"Ki te mea kei te warewarehia koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ngana ki te ako i roto i taua mea, me te hoatu i tētahi tikanga pai ki tēnei wheako, kaua e kati noa nā te mea he mamae. Mā te mōhio ki a koe anō me te kaha ki te noho tahi me ngā kare ā-roto uaua ka āwhina i a koe ki te neke whakamua me te ako, ā, hei whakamutunga, ki te hikoi ki tētahi oranga hauora," te kī a Adya.
Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Rautaki Hei Whakamutu i te Whawhai i roto i te Hononga
9. Rapua he tautoko mai i tētahi tohunga ngaio kua whakangungua
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kimi huarahi hei whakatau i te whakaaro kāore koe i te arohia i roto i te whanaungatanga. Nā te mea, ehara ngā whanaungatanga i te mea he rārangi tonu, ā, kāore hoki e noho noa iho. Mai i ngā taumahatanga o waho ki ngā kare ā-roto e rerekē ana ki te hoa, tae atu ki te noho mai o tētahi atu i roto i te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā āhuatanga ka waiho koe kia pōuri i roto i te whanaungatanga.
I ētahi wā, he maha atu i te kotahi o ēnei āhuatanga ka pā ki te mahi, ā, tera pea he hononga kei waenganui. Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro kāore koe i arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me rapu e koe te pūtake o te raruraru. Hei tauira, ko te ngana ki te whakaputa i te riri i muri i tētahi rā taumaha i te mahi kua arahi pea i tō hoa ki te moe tahi me tētahi hoa mahi, ā, inaianei ko te ahotea me te moe tāne kei te kore e aro ki ō hiahia.
Ranei a tērā pea kua pouri tō hoa i te ngaronga, nō reira, kāore e taea te hono atu ki a koe i roto i te kare ā-roto. He uaua te mārama ki ēnei āhuatanga uaua ina kei roto koe i te āhua ngoikore o te kare ā-roto. Koinei te wā ka taea ai e te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mātau te āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto, te aromatawai i tō āhuatanga me te whai whakaaro ki ngā mea me mahi hei whakatau i tēnei kare ā-roto o te kore aro.
Mā te whakaaro kāore i te arohia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka raru koe i roto i tētahi hononga pouri. Kāore he tangata e tika ana kia pērā. Te rapu āwhina ngaio mai i Ngā kaitohutohu Bonobology ka taea rānei e tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana te āwhina i a koe ki te tātari pai ake i tō āhuatanga me te kimi i te huarahi tika hei whakatau i taua āhuatanga.
FAQs
Tērā pea ka puta te kore aro ki te taha hinengaro, ki te taha tinana rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea he taha kotahi, he taha tahi rānei. Ko te take o tēnei tawhiti i waenganui i ngā hoa he kore kōrero, he whanoke, he kore aroha rānei ki tētahi atu tangata.
Ko te taahiraa tuatahi me mahi e koe ko te whakapā atu ki tō hoa me tēnei āwangawanga. Ki te waiho rātou kia kore e mōhio ki tō mamae, e kore rawa e kitea he otinga. Ngāna kia mau tonu ō tumanakohanga kia kore ai e taumaha rawa atu ki tō hoa, ā, i te wa ano, kia whakaute i tō whakaaro nui kia kore ai koe e hoki atu ki a rātou me te tono kia arohia koe.
Ki te kore e noho noa, tera pea ka ngaro te aro ki te whanaungatanga i a koe e taunga haere ana ki tō hoa. Ahakoa i roto i tētahi hononga hou, kāore pea e taea e te tangata te tuku i tōna kaha katoa, te puta tonu mai i ngā wā katoa, ka waiho tōna hoa kia pōuri. Engari, kāore tēnā e kī ana kua ngaro tōna hiahia ki te whanaungatanga.
He aha tātou i tumanako ai ka mau tonu te aroha, ā, ka mau tonu te kaha
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
