Kodi bwenzi lanu lasiya kukuyimbirani foni pafupipafupi monga momwe amachitira poyamba? Kodi nthawi zonse amakhala wotanganidwa mukamacheza naye? Wayamba kuletsa mapulani omwe adakulonjezani? Chifukwa ngati izi ndi zoona, ndiye kuti tikutsimikiza kuti malingaliro anu ali osokonezeka ndipo mwina mukuganiza kapena kudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga?"
Kubera kumachitika nthawi zambiri kuposa momwe timaganizira. Malinga ndi kafukufuku, opitilira 46% mwa omwe adafunsidwa muubwenzi wokhala ndi mkazi m'modzi adati anali ndi zibwenzi. Ndipo mmodzi mwa anayi mwa anthuwa adanena kuti adanyenga ndikuvomereza wokondedwa wawo. Koma chonde dziwani izi, ngakhale bwenzi lanu atakunyengererani, sizitanthauza kuti ndiye kutha kwa ubale wanu.
Ngati mukudabwa zomwe zili ndi iye ndipo simungathe kuyika chala chanu pazomwe zili zolakwika, ngati lingaliro lakuti "Ndikuganiza kuti bwenzi langa likunyenga koma sindingathe kutsimikizira" limabwera m'maganizo, tikudziwa nkhawa yomwe ingabweretse. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwina akukunyengani, ndiye kuti muli ndi ufulu wonse wokayikira khalidwe lake lachilendo. Mukakhala pansi ndikunyalanyaza, m'pamenenso mumaganiza mopambanitsa. Ndizotheka kuti china chake chili mmwamba koma malingaliro anu adzapumula pokhapokha mutadziwa bwino.
Sindikudziwa kuti ndi ndani woti afunse komanso chochita? Chabwino, tili pano kuti tiyankhe mafunso anu onse. Tinalankhula ndi mlangizi Neelam Vats (wovomerezeka wa CBT ndi NLP), yemwe ali ndi zaka zoposa makumi awiri akuthandiza ana, achinyamata, ndi akuluakulu kuthana ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kuvutika maganizo, nkhawa, maubwenzi, ndi ntchito, zokhudzana ndi zizindikiro zoti bwenzi lanu lakunyengererani. Werengani kuti mudziwe zambiri.
Momwe Mungadziwire Ngati Mtsikana Wanu Akukunyengererani
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi mukulowa pakompyuta yanu nthawi ya 3 koloko m'mawa ndikungoyang'ana: Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga? Chifukwa ngati muli, ndiye tikukhulupirira kuti kukayikira kwanu kuli kolakwika. Komabe, tikudziwa kuti mukufuna kudziwa zomwe zikukupangitsani kumva chonchi poyamba. Kodi ndikungokhalira kusatetezeka kapena ndiye chifukwa chake kusakhulupirika mu ubale wanu?
Chifukwa chake, tili ndi mndandanda wachangu kuti muchepetse kukhumudwa kwanu. "Ndikuganiza kuti chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga koma sindingathe kutsimikizira" komanso "Kodi ndingadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?" Kodi maganizo otere akhala akukuvutitsani? Kenako gwiritsani ntchito mndandandawu kuti mutsirize komwe chibwenzi chanu chikulowera.
1. Nthawi zonse amakhala wotanganidwa ndipo sachita chidwi ndi zomwe mukunena
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2. Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga? Mwinamwake ngati iye ali ndi mabang'i atsopano ndi kutsitsimula zovala zake mwadzidzidzi
Ngati bwenzi lanu lakhala mwadzidzidzi kukhala watsopano-mwana-mtawuni kuchokera ku I-ndikonda-kukhala-omasuka-mu-wanga-shabby-zovala (ngakhale pa tsiku usiku ndi inu), ndiye bwenzi langa, kusakhulupirika kuli mlengalenga. Tsopano, musakhale okhumudwa kwambiri ndi kuganiza kuti akukunyengani chifukwa chakuti waphulika kapena misomali ina yatsopano.
Neelam akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati mwadzidzidzi asamala za maonekedwe ake atatha zaka zambiri atavala t-sheti ndi jinzi, pangakhale zambiri kuposa zimene tingathe kuona. Kodi wavala zovala zatsopano kwambiri?
Ndi chinthu chabwino kuti akudzisamalira yekha. Sikuti iye saloledwa kudzisamalira koma ngati walowa m'dera lokongola kwambiri kuti akhulupirire, komanso pamalingaliro a wina (ndipo kuti 'winawake' si inu), dziwani kuti chinachake chasintha. Kubera ndikothekera komwe simuyenera kuletsa.
3. Kusamba kwambiri kuti tichotse umboni uliwonse
4. Sadzakukokeranso kumaphwando ndi iye
Munafunsapo mnzako kuti, "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga kapena ndine wokhumudwa?" Chabwino, pepani kukuswani mtima koma simuli wodabwa ngati anasiya mwadzidzidzi kukuitanani ali ndi anzake. Kukhala paubwenzi wosangalala ndi kufuna kuyamikira ndi kusangalala ndi mphindi zabwino pamodzi.
M'mbuyomu, mumayitanidwa nthawi zonse kumasiku obadwa a abwenzi ake onse ndi maphwando okumbukira chikumbutso ndipo tsopano amakuuzani kuti ali ndi bwenzi koma simukunyalanyazidwa? Chenjezo lofiyira! Akukonzekera zodabwitsa kwa inu kapena china chake chikuphika kwathunthu. Ngati sakukokeraninso kumaphwando naye, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro kuti akukunyengani. Iyi ikhoza kukhala nthawi yoyenera kuti muwonjezere malingaliro anu: "Ndikuganiza kuti bwenzi langa likubera koma sindingathe kutsimikizira".
5. Kusintha kwadzidzidzi kwa mapulani ake amtsogolo
M'mbuyomu, msungwana yemwe adapanga mapulani amtsogolo okhudza nonse nonse wayamba kukambirana za ulendo wopita ku Miami yekha. Ndiye, owerenga okondedwa, zinthu zikhoza kukhala zoipa kuposa ndondomeko yaulendo wamdima. Kumene, malo aumwini mu chiyanjano Ndikofunikira ndipo akuyenera kusangalala ndi umunthu wake, koma samalani pamene wayiwala 'ife' kwathunthu ndipo zonse zimangokhala 'ine'.
Malinga ndi Neelam, ngati "sakupanga mapulani amtsogolo omwe amakukhudzani nonse", kusakhulupirika kungakhale chifukwa chake. Timvereni ife. Yambani kubweretsa mitu yokhudza tsogolo lanu limodzi. Sizingakhale zokonzekera zaukwati kapena zamwana, koma chinthu chomwe nonse mungachichite zaka zisanu (ulendo wopita ku Miami mwina?). Izi zingakupatseni lingaliro labwino ngati akufuna kukhala nanu kwa nthawi yayitali kapena ayi. Yang'anani momwe amayankhira, zingakuthandizeni kudziwa yankho lanu ku funso: kodi gf wanga adandinyenga? Tithokoze pambuyo pake.
6. Kuchulukitsa kwachitetezo
Ngati mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi changa chikundizembera?", Neelam akulangiza "kuyang'ana ngati akuyang'ana kwambiri foni yake kuposa momwe amachitira nthawi zonse. Kubisa zinthu kwa wokondedwa wake pafoni kapena kuyesa kupewa kulandira mafoni kapena mameseji okayikitsa pamaso panu - izi ndi njira zodziwira ngati bwenzi lanu lakunyengererani kapena akukunyengani."
Izi ndi zophweka kunena. Timavomereza kuti kumamatira ku foni yam'manja kwakhala chizolowezi masiku ano koma kuchita mochulukira ndi chizindikiro chosaiwalika chakubera. Yang'anirani ngati amabisa chophimba chake polemba mameseji kapena akuyenda chapatali kuti mulandire mafoni. Khalidwe lake lozungulira foni yake lidzakuthandizani fufuzani ngati akubera Intaneti.
Nthawi yomwe wina ayamba kuchita zinthu motetezedwa ndi mafoni awo, mumadziwa kuti zinthu ndi nsomba. Komanso, foni yake ndi laputopu mwadzidzidzi ziyamba kukhala ndi mawu achinsinsi ambiri kuposa kale ndipo, mwatsoka, silingakhale dzina lanu kapena tsiku lobadwa komanso simungadziwe dzina lachinsinsi latsopanoli. Zachisoni, ziribe kanthu momwe mafoni a m'manja apanga mosavuta miyoyo yathu, palibe pulogalamu ya 'bwenzi langa londinyenga' kuti mutulukemo.
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7. Zindikirani momwe thupi lake likuwonekera ngati mukuganiza kuti 'Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?'
Pamene munthu akubera, sikuti maonekedwe ake kapena khalidwe lake limasintha komanso mudzawona kusintha kwakukulu kwa thupi lake kwa inu. Chifukwa chake ngati bwenzi lanu lakupsompsonana nthawi zonse ndikugubuduza-pakama sakufunanso kukhudzana pafupipafupi, zizindikiro zachigololo zikuwonekeratu apa.
Malingana ndi Neelam, kusintha kwina pang'ono kwa thupi kapena zizindikiro zakuthupi zomwe zingasonyeze kusakhulupirika zikuphatikizapo "kuchuluka kapena kusayang'ana m'maso, kuphethira kofulumira, kuchita mopitirira muyeso panthawi yokambirana, kukayikira polankhula, mayankho achidule, kugwedeza zovala ndi zinthu, ndi kumupatsa wokondedwa wake phewa lozizira". Iye analongosolanso kuti: “Ngati akulimba mtima pamene mufuna kumugwira kapena sakufunanso kukhala nanu pachibwenzi, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro chakuti akukunyengani.”
Zimanenedwa kuti kusintha kwa thupi ndi chizindikiro chapamwamba kwambiri cha kuweruza ngati mnzanuyo akukunyengani kapena ayi. Zonse kuchepa ndi kuwonjezeka kwa kugonana ndi chizindikiro. Choyambirira chikutanthauza kuti mnzakeyo tsopano akuyang'ana munthu wina pomwe womalizayo akutanthauza kuti ali ndi mlandu ndipo akuyesera kubisa ndi hanky-panky yowonjezera. Ngati mungaganizire zam'mbuyo ndikuwona kuti nthawi zonse pakhala pali nthawi zochoka kumapeto kwake, izi zitha kukhala zizindikilo kuti adanyenganso m'mbuyomu.
8. “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?” Inde, ngati akunama
"Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga ndi mnzanga wakuntchito?" kapena “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga ndi mkazi wake wakale?” - mukhoza kuyesa mantha amenewa poona mmene amachitira mutatchula dzina la munthuyo. Mufunseni mwachisawawa ngati akulankhulabe kapena ngati wawawona posachedwapa. Iye kunyenga wolakwa zidzamugonjetsa ndipo mudzatha kudziwa ngati akukunamizani ndi maso ake.
Chinthu chimodzi chomwe chimapha ubale uliwonse ndi mabodza. Ngati mwamugwira (kapena kumva kuti) akunama kwa inu za komwe adakhala kapena yemwe anali naye, ndiye nkhani yoyipa. Ngati inu muli ndi chitsutso cha kusakhulupirika kwake, musati muzichitaya icho. Ngati iye wakhala akuzemba ndi kutali, chinachake chikhoza kuchitika. Ndipo yankho la funso lakuti "Kodi gf wanga adandinyenga?" akhoza kukhala inde.
9. Kusintha kachitidwe ka ndalama
Ngakhale kusintha pang'ono kungakhale chizindikiro nthawi zina. Monga, khofi wa Starbucks yemwe amamwa tsiku lililonse tsopano ndi chinthu chomwe saganiziranso kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama zake. Ndiye taganizani, kodi kwenikweni akuwonongera kuti ndalamazo? Pamene mukukhala moyo wachiphamaso, zimakhala zodula pakapita nthawi.
Ngati mwaona kusintha kwakukulu pa momwe mtsikana wanu akugwiritsira ntchito ndalama zake, ndiye yankho la funso lanu lakuti “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?” akhoza kukhala inde. Koma tikamanena mochititsa chidwi, timatanthauza mochititsa chidwi. Osamupenga konse chifukwa adaganiza zosankha McDonald's pa The Cheesecake Factory kuti adye chakudya chamadzulo.
10. Mavuto a ubale wanu adazimiririka
Ndinu mtundu wa banja lomwe nthawi zambiri limakhala nalo mikangano ya ubale ndi nkhani zomwe mudakhala nazo nthawi, kuziganizira? Yesetsani kuzindikira ngati pali kuchepa kwa kuyesetsa kumapeto kwake pankhani yokonza nkhanizo. Neelam anati: “Ngati bwenzi lako silikukwiyira chifukwa chosamusamalira kapena chifukwa cha zinthu zimene poyamba ankakwiyira nazo, kungakhale chizindikiro cha kusakhulupirika. Izi zitha kukhala njira yodzifunsa kuti, "Kodi akundinyenga?"
Kodi nthawi zambiri mumacheza m’khichini kukambitsirana za ndewu ndi mavuto anu kuti musagone mokwiya? Ngakhale kuti zimenezo nzolimbikitsadi, zindikirani ngati sakuvutikiranso kuthetsa nkhani nanu. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti nkhanizo kulibe. Koma mwachiwonekere ali ndi zinthu zina m'mbale yake, kotero izi siziyeneranso kukambirana.
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11. Kukhala wopanda chidwi ndi zinthu zomwe mudachita limodzi
12. Umakhala wosatetezeka pamene uli naye
Kuchoka pa iye ndi zizolowezi zake zosinthika, tiyeneranso kuganizira momwe mumamvera pafupi naye masiku ano. Ngati akuwonetsa zizindikiro zomwe zili pamwambazi, mwachiwonekere simumasuka komanso simumasuka mukakhala naye. Ngati mwadzidzidzi mumakhala osakhazikika komanso osatetezeka m'malo mwachitonthozo chomwe mungamve pafupi naye, kapena kudziwa mwachidziwitso kuti zinthu zatha, khulupirirani malingaliro anu chifukwa mutha kukhala olondola. Izi zitha kukhala kuyankha kwachilengedwe kwa thupi lanu ku lingaliro lakuti "Kodi akundinyenga?", choncho tcherani khutu.
Ngati mukunena nokha, "Ine nthawizonse amaganiza kuti bwenzi langa akubera koma sindingathe kutsimikizira izo" kapena ngati inu mukulephera kugona chifukwa cha 'bwenzi langa kunyenga pa ine m'maloto anga' maganizo, ndiye mphamvu yanu yachisanu ndi chimodzi ndithudi akuyesera kukuuzani chinachake. Kodi mukumva zizindikiro kutumizirana mameseji nkhawa mumamutumizira mameseji masana? Zindikirani ngati pali kusintha kwa momwe mukumvera pafupi naye chifukwa komweko ndiko kupereka kwakukulu.
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Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Mukuganiza Kuti Akukunyengererani
Kotero, mwapeza kuti yankho la funso lakuti "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga?" ndi inde wamkulu. Bwanji tsopano, inu mukudabwa. Muyenera kuchita zinthu zotsatirazi mosamala komanso mosamala, malingana ndi zimene mukufuna kuchokera paubwenzi tsopano kuti mwapeza kuti iye ananyenga.
1. Kambani naye
Kulankhulana momveka bwino nthawi zonse ndi lingaliro labwino. Akhazikitseni pansi, khalani odekha, ndipo mufunseni chifukwa chake anakunyengererani. Pali zifukwa zambiri za kusakhulupirika. Pangani malo omwe angakhale oona mtima pazolakwa zake. Ngati anganene kuti mwabera, mukhoza kuchitapo kanthu. Ngati satero, mudzadziwa kuti munayesapo.
2. Itanani izo kusiya
Ngati kubera sikungochitika kamodzi, ngati zakhala zikuchitika mobwerezabwereza, ndibwino kuti mufune kuthetsa chibwenzicho. Kukhala ndi mnzanu amene amabera nthawi zonse kungakhale koopsa komanso kopanda thanzi kwa inu. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukukhulupirira kuti mwakhala mukumuchitira chinyengo, kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi njira yabwino kuti muthane ndi kuwona mtima, chisangalalo, kukhulupirika mwa munthu wina kunja uko.
3. Limbitsani ubale wanu
Kubera sikutanthauza kuti chibwenzi chatha. Akakutsimikizirani kuti ali wokonzeka kusintha ndipo sangachitenso cholakwa chomwecho, ganizirani kumupatsa mpata. Simudziwa, kuberako kungamupangitse kuzindikira kuti amayamikira zomwe ali nazo ndi inu. Akhoza kuyesetsa kwambiri kuposa ndi kale lonse kuti achite zonse zomwe angathe kuti akutsimikizireni kuti kukhulupirika kwake kuli pa inu komanso ubale wanu.
Ibibazo
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