Kodi Mtsikana Wanga Amandinyenga? Momwe Mungadziwire Ngati Ali

Kodi bwenzi lanu lasiya kukuyimbirani foni pafupipafupi monga momwe amachitira poyamba? Kodi nthawi zonse amakhala wotanganidwa mukamacheza naye? Wayamba kuletsa mapulani omwe adakulonjezani? Chifukwa ngati izi ndi zoona, ndiye kuti tikutsimikiza kuti malingaliro anu ali osokonezeka ndipo mwina mukuganiza kapena kudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga?"

Kubera kumachitika nthawi zambiri kuposa momwe timaganizira. Malinga ndi kafukufuku, opitilira 46% mwa omwe adafunsidwa muubwenzi wokhala ndi mkazi m'modzi adati anali ndi zibwenzi. Ndipo mmodzi mwa anayi mwa anthuwa adanena kuti adanyenga ndikuvomereza wokondedwa wawo. Koma chonde dziwani izi, ngakhale bwenzi lanu atakunyengererani, sizitanthauza kuti ndiye kutha kwa ubale wanu. 

Ngati mukudabwa zomwe zili ndi iye ndipo simungathe kuyika chala chanu pazomwe zili zolakwika, ngati lingaliro lakuti "Ndikuganiza kuti bwenzi langa likunyenga koma sindingathe kutsimikizira" limabwera m'maganizo, tikudziwa nkhawa yomwe ingabweretse. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwina akukunyengani, ndiye kuti muli ndi ufulu wonse wokayikira khalidwe lake lachilendo. Mukakhala pansi ndikunyalanyaza, m'pamenenso mumaganiza mopambanitsa. Ndizotheka kuti china chake chili mmwamba koma malingaliro anu adzapumula pokhapokha mutadziwa bwino.

Simukudziwa kuti mungafunse ndani komanso choti muchite? Chabwino, tili pano kuti tiyankhe mafunso anu onse. Tinalankhula ndi mlangizi Neelam Vats (wodziwa bwino ntchito za CBT ndi NLP), yemwe ali ndi zaka zoposa makumi awiri akuthandiza ana, achinyamata, ndi akuluakulu kuthana ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kuvutika maganizo, nkhawa, ubale ndi anthu, komanso nkhawa za ntchito, za zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti chibwenzi chanu chakuberani. Pitirizani kuwerenga kuti mudziwe zambiri.

Momwe Mungadziwire Ngati Mtsikana Wanu Akukunyengererani

Kodi mukulowa pa kompyuta yanu nthawi ya 3 koloko m'mawa ndikuyang'ana pa Google: Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga? Chifukwa ngati mukutero, ndiye kuti tikukhulupirira kuti kukayikira kwanu ndi kolakwika. Komabe, tikudziwa kuti mukufuna kudziwa chomwe chikukupangitsani kumva choncho poyamba. Kodi ndi nkhani chabe ya kusadzidalira kapena ndiye amene adzakupangitsani kusakhulupirika muubwenzi wanu?

Chifukwa chake, tili ndi mndandanda wachangu kuti muchepetse kukhumudwa kwanu. "Ndikuganiza kuti chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga koma sindingathe kutsimikizira" komanso "Kodi ndingadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?" Kodi maganizo otere akhala akukuvutitsani? Kenako gwiritsani ntchito mndandandawu kuti mutsirize komwe chibwenzi chanu chikulowera.

1. Nthawi zonse amakhala wotanganidwa ndipo sachita chidwi ndi zomwe mukunena

Ngati nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi lingaliro lakuti 'Ndimaganiza kuti chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga', dziwani kuti chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kusakhulupirika kapena kusakonda chibwenzi chanu ndi chakuti chibwenzi chanu chikuchepa kukusamalirani komanso zosowa zanu. Choncho ngati mtsikana wanu 'nthawi zonse ndi amene ndimawakonda kwambiri' akuyamba kukunyalanyazani, ndiye kuti akukuchotsani pa iye mwini.

Neelam anati: “Ngati akuoneka kuti akutanganidwa kwambiri tsiku lililonse likamapita, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro chakuti akukunyengani.

Zedi, ikhoza kukhala pulojekiti yatsopano kuntchito kapena mwina amangosokonezedwa ndi ntchito zake zina. Koma kusintha kulikonse kwakukulu mu vibe ya ubale sikuli kopanda chifukwa chabwino. Ngati mukuwona kuti nthawi zambiri amakhala pafupi nanu, ndiye kuti mumada nkhawa. Osati kuswa mtima wanu pasadakhale, koma tikukulimbikitsani kuti mukhale okonzekera kusweka komwe kukubwera.

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2. Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga? Mwinamwake ngati iye ali ndi mabang'i atsopano ndi kutsitsimula zovala zake mwadzidzidzi

Ngati bwenzi lanu lakhala mwadzidzidzi kukhala watsopano-mwana-mtawuni kuchokera ku I-ndikonda-kukhala-omasuka-mu-wanga-shabby-zovala (ngakhale pa tsiku usiku ndi inu), ndiye bwenzi langa, kusakhulupirika kuli mlengalenga. Tsopano, musakhale okhumudwa kwambiri ndi kuganiza kuti akukunyengani chifukwa chakuti waphulika kapena misomali ina yatsopano.

Neelam akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati mwadzidzidzi asamala za maonekedwe ake atatha zaka zambiri atavala t-sheti ndi jinzi, pangakhale zambiri kuposa zimene tingathe kuona. Kodi wavala zovala zatsopano kwambiri?

Ndi chinthu chabwino kuti akudzisamalira yekha. Sikuti iye saloledwa kudzisamalira koma ngati walowa m'dera lokongola kwambiri kuti akhulupirire, komanso pamalingaliro a wina (ndipo kuti 'winawake' si inu), dziwani kuti chinachake chasintha. Kubera ndikothekera komwe simuyenera kuletsa.

3. Kusamba kwambiri kuti tichotse umboni uliwonse

Chizindikiro ichi ndi chowopsa kuposa onse. Ngati wokondedwa wanu abwera kunyumba ndikudumphira mu shawa lalitali, mwayi ndi wakuti akhoza kuchotsa umboni wachinyengo. Mafuta onunkhira ndi fungo lina la thupi limatha kukhala pa iye pambuyo pa masiku ake ndi munthu yemwe angakhale akukunyengererani.

Chifukwa chake kamodzi kapena kawiri zili bwino koma ngati mupeza kuti izi zikungobwerezabwereza, valani magalasi a Sherlock Holmes ndikudula madzi (Chabwino, tikudziwa kuti ndi lingaliro loyipa). Koma ino ingakhale nthawi yoyenera kudabwa ngati izi ndizizindikiro zomwe adabera m'mbuyomu, ndipo akupitilizabe kubera pakadali pano. Khalani maso.

4. Sadzakukokeranso kumaphwando ndi iye

Munafunsapo mnzako kuti, "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga kapena ndine wokhumudwa?" Chabwino, pepani kukuswani mtima koma simuli wodabwa ngati anasiya mwadzidzidzi kukuitanani ali ndi anzake. Kukhala paubwenzi wosangalala ndi kufuna kuyamikira ndi kusangalala ndi mphindi zabwino pamodzi.

M'mbuyomu, mumayitanidwa nthawi zonse kumasiku obadwa a abwenzi ake onse ndi maphwando okumbukira chikumbutso ndipo tsopano amakuuzani kuti ali ndi bwenzi koma simukunyalanyazidwa? Chenjezo lofiyira! Akukonzekera zodabwitsa kwa inu kapena china chake chikuphika kwathunthu. Ngati sakukokeraninso kumaphwando naye, zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro kuti akukunyengani. Iyi ikhoza kukhala nthawi yoyenera kuti muwonjezere malingaliro anu: "Ndikuganiza kuti bwenzi langa likubera koma sindingathe kutsimikizira".

5. Kusintha kwadzidzidzi kwa mapulani ake amtsogolo

Poyamba, mtsikana amene anakonza mapulani amtsogolo okhudza nonsenu tsopano wayamba kulankhula za ulendo wopita ku Miami yekha. Ndiye, owerenga okondedwa, zinthu zitha kukhala zoyipa kuposa dongosolo losasangalatsa la ulendo. Zachidziwikire, malo ake paubwenzi ndi ofunikira ndipo ayenera kusangalala ndi umunthu wake, koma samalani pamene aiwala 'ife' kwathunthu ndipo zonse zimayamba kukhala 'ine'.

Malinga ndi Neelam, ngati "sakupanga mapulani amtsogolo omwe amakukhudzani nonse", kusakhulupirika kungakhale chifukwa chake. Timvereni ife. Yambani kubweretsa mitu yokhudza tsogolo lanu limodzi. Sizingakhale zokonzekera zaukwati kapena zamwana, koma chinthu chomwe nonse mungachichite zaka zisanu (ulendo wopita ku Miami mwina?). Izi zingakupatseni lingaliro labwino ngati akufuna kukhala nanu kwa nthawi yayitali kapena ayi. Yang'anani momwe amayankhira, zingakuthandizeni kudziwa yankho lanu ku funso: kodi gf wanga adandinyenga? Tithokoze pambuyo pake.

6. Kuchulukitsa kwachitetezo

Ngati mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati chibwenzi changa chikundizembera?", Neelam akulangiza "kuyang'ana ngati akuyang'ana kwambiri foni yake kuposa momwe amachitira nthawi zonse. Kubisa zinthu kwa wokondedwa wake pafoni kapena kuyesa kupewa kulandira mafoni kapena mameseji okayikitsa pamaso panu - izi ndi njira zodziwira ngati bwenzi lanu lakunyengererani kapena akukunyengani."

Imeneyi ndi njira yosavuta kuidziwira. Tikugwirizana kuti kukhala ndi foni yam'manja kwakhala chizolowezi masiku ano koma kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso ndi chizindikiro chodziwika bwino cha chinyengo. Onetsetsani ngati akubisa chophimba chake akamatumiza mameseji kapena akuyenda patali pang'ono kuti akalandire mafoni. Khalidwe lake pafupi ndi foni yake lidzakuthandizani kudziwa ngati akubera pa intaneti.

Nthawi yomwe wina ayamba kuchita zinthu motetezedwa ndi mafoni awo, mumadziwa kuti zinthu ndi nsomba. Komanso, foni yake ndi laputopu mwadzidzidzi ziyamba kukhala ndi mawu achinsinsi ambiri kuposa kale ndipo, mwatsoka, silingakhale dzina lanu kapena tsiku lobadwa komanso simungadziwe dzina lachinsinsi latsopanoli. Zachisoni, ziribe kanthu momwe mafoni a m'manja apanga mosavuta miyoyo yathu, palibe pulogalamu ya 'bwenzi langa londinyenga' kuti mutulukemo. 

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7. Zindikirani momwe thupi lake likuwonekera ngati mukuganiza kuti 'Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?'

Pamene munthu akubera, sikuti maonekedwe ake kapena khalidwe lake limasintha komanso mudzawona kusintha kwakukulu kwa thupi lake kwa inu. Chifukwa chake ngati bwenzi lanu lakupsompsonana nthawi zonse ndikugubuduza-pakama sakufunanso kukhudzana pafupipafupi, zizindikiro zachigololo zikuwonekeratu apa. 

Malinga ndi Neelam, kusintha kwina kwa kalankhulidwe ka thupi kapena zizindikiro zakuthupi zomwe zingasonyeze kusakhulupirika ndi monga "kupitirira muyeso kapena kusayang'anana maso, kuphethira mwachangu, kuchitapo kanthu mopitirira muyeso mukakambirana, kuzengereza polankhula, mayankho achidule, kusokoneza zovala ndi zinthu, komanso kunyalanyaza mnzanuyo". Iye akufotokozanso kuti, "Ngati akwiya kwambiri mukayesa kumugwira kapena sakufunanso kugonana nanu, kungakhale chizindikiro chakuti akukunamizani."

Zimanenedwa kuti kusintha kwa thupi ndi chizindikiro chapamwamba kwambiri cha kuweruza ngati mnzanuyo akukunyengani kapena ayi. Zonse kuchepa ndi kuwonjezeka kwa kugonana ndi chizindikiro. Choyambirira chikutanthauza kuti mnzakeyo tsopano akuyang'ana munthu wina pomwe womalizayo akutanthauza kuti ali ndi mlandu ndipo akuyesera kubisa ndi hanky-panky yowonjezera. Ngati mungaganizire zam'mbuyo ndikuwona kuti nthawi zonse pakhala pali nthawi zochoka kumapeto kwake, izi zitha kukhala zizindikilo kuti adanyenganso m'mbuyomu.

8. “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?” Inde, ngati akunama

“Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga ndi mnzanga wa kuntchito?” kapena “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga ndi wakale wake?” – mutha kuyesa mantha awa poona momwe amachitira mukatchula dzina la munthuyo. Mufunseni mosasamala ngati akadali kulumikizana kapena ngati wawaona posachedwapa. Kudzimva kwake kuti ndi wolakwa kudzamugonjetsa ndipo mudzatha kudziwa ngati akukunamizani pongoyang'ana m'maso mwake.

Chinthu chimodzi chomwe chimapha ubale uliwonse ndi mabodza. Ngati mwamugwira (kapena kumva kuti) akunama kwa inu za komwe adakhala kapena yemwe anali naye, ndiye nkhani yoyipa. Ngati inu muli ndi chitsutso cha kusakhulupirika kwake, musati muzichitaya icho. Ngati iye wakhala akuzemba ndi kutali, chinachake chikhoza kuchitika. Ndipo yankho la funso lakuti "Kodi gf wanga adandinyenga?" akhoza kukhala inde.

9. Kusintha kachitidwe ka ndalama

Ngakhale kusintha pang'ono kungakhale chizindikiro nthawi zina. Monga, khofi wa Starbucks yemwe amamwa tsiku lililonse tsopano ndi chinthu chomwe saganiziranso kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama zake. Ndiye taganizani, kodi kwenikweni akuwonongera kuti ndalamazo? Pamene mukukhala moyo wachiphamaso, zimakhala zodula pakapita nthawi.

Ngati mwaona kusintha kwakukulu pa momwe mtsikana wanu akugwiritsira ntchito ndalama zake, ndiye yankho la funso lanu lakuti “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga?” akhoza kukhala inde. Koma tikamanena mochititsa chidwi, timatanthauza mochititsa chidwi. Osamupenga konse chifukwa adaganiza zosankha McDonald's pa The Cheesecake Factory kuti adye chakudya chamadzulo.

10. Mavuto a ubale wanu adazimiririka

Kodi ndinu mtundu wa banja lomwe nthawi zambiri limakhala ndi mikangano yambiri yaubwenzi ndi mavuto omwe mumayenera kuthera nthawi kuti muwapeze? Yesani kuona ngati pali kuchepa kwa khama kumbali yake pankhani yothetsa mavuto amenewo. Neelam akuti, “Ngati chibwenzi chanu sichikukwiyirani chifukwa chosamusamalira kapena zinthu zomwe kale ankakwiya nazo, chikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha kusakhulupirika.” Ichi chingakhale chizindikiro choti mudzifunse kuti, “Kodi akundinyenga?”

Kodi nthawi zambiri mumacheza m’khichini kukambitsirana za ndewu ndi mavuto anu kuti musagone mokwiya? Ngakhale kuti zimenezo nzolimbikitsadi, zindikirani ngati sakuvutikiranso kuthetsa nkhani nanu. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti nkhanizo kulibe. Koma mwachiwonekere ali ndi zinthu zina m'mbale yake, kotero izi siziyeneranso kukambirana.

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11. Kukhala wopanda chidwi ndi zinthu zomwe mudachita limodzi

Kodi adayiwala kubwera ku park usiku kapena sanabwerenso kunyumba vinyo yemwe mumakonda? Ngati pali zinthu zina zomwe mudachita limodzi kapena miyambo yomwe inu nonse munali nayo yomwe imamuvutitsa, ndiye limbani alamu. Chododometsa chimodzi kapena ziwiri ndizabwino koma kusayanjanitsika komwe kumadetsa nkhawa.

Neelam anati: “Ngati zinthu zing’onozing’ono zimene zinali zofunika kwa iye poyamba zilibenso kanthu, kapena ngati sakusonyezanso chidwi chochita zinthu kapena zinthu zimene ankakonda kuchita ndi inu, kapena wayamba kuchita zinthu zina zimene ankadana nazo, kapena zimene ankakonda zasintha mwadzidzidzi, ndiye kuti akhoza kukuberani.”

Ngati muli pachibwenzi chakutali, zimakhala zoopsa kwambiri kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi chibwenzi changa chikundinyenga mtunda wautali ?” Ndi mtunda, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kudziwa zomwe zili mkati mwake. Koma ngati nthawi zambiri amaiwala madeti a Skype omwe mumakonzekera kapena amaiwala kukutumizirani meseji paulendo wanu wobwerera kuntchito, ndiye kuti wayamba kunyalanyaza momwe munkakhalira limodzi.

12. Umakhala wosatetezeka pamene uli naye

Kuchoka pa iye ndi zizolowezi zake zosinthika, tiyeneranso kuganizira momwe mumamvera pafupi naye masiku ano. Ngati akuwonetsa zizindikiro zomwe zili pamwambazi, mwachiwonekere simumasuka komanso simumasuka mukakhala naye. Ngati mwadzidzidzi mumakhala osakhazikika komanso osatetezeka m'malo mwachitonthozo chomwe mungamve pafupi naye, kapena kudziwa mwachidziwitso kuti zinthu zatha, khulupirirani malingaliro anu chifukwa mutha kukhala olondola. Izi zitha kukhala kuyankha kwachilengedwe kwa thupi lanu ku lingaliro lakuti "Kodi akundinyenga?", choncho tcherani khutu.

Ngati mukudziuza nokha kuti, “Nthawi zonse ndimaganiza kuti chibwenzi changa chikunyenga koma sindingathe kutsimikizira zimenezo” kapena ngati simungathe kugona chifukwa cha maganizo anu akuti ‘chibwenzi changa chikunyenga m’maloto anga’, ndiye kuti mphamvu yanu yachisanu ndi chimodzi ikuyesera kukuuzani zinazake. Kodi mumamva zizindikiro za nkhawa mukamatumiza mauthenga masana? Onani ngati pali kusintha kwa momwe mukumvera mukakhala pafupi naye chifukwa zimenezo ndi mphatso yaikulu.

Kufufuza Komaliza - Kodi Mtsikana Wanga Amandinyenga?

Ngati mfundo zambiri zomwe zili pamndandandawu zadziwika kale, ndiye kuti tikufuna kuti muchitepo kanthu kuti mumuyang'ane komaliza ndikuwona ngati bwenzi lanu likukunyengererani. Zikhala zanu zonse 'kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga kapena ndine wododoma?' malingaliro kuti mupumule ndipo potsiriza ndikupatseni yankho lomwe mwakhala mukuyang'ana.

Sitikufuna kuti maubwenzi asokonezeke pongoganizira chabe. Monga tidanenera kale, mwina akukonzekera zodabwitsa kwa inu ndipo mwina mwawerenga molakwika. Neelam akuti, "Musamakumane ndi wachinyengo popanda ndondomeko chifukwa angakane milandu yonse ya kusakhulupirika. Yang'anani nawo ndi umboni. Onetsetsani kuti ndinu odekha komanso ogwirizana. Ndikudziwa kuti ndi chinthu chovuta kwambiri kuchita koma yesetsani kuti musalole kuti maganizo anu akulamulireni."

Mupatseni mphatso (diresi yoti mupite nayo ndi njira yabwino kwambiri), konzani usiku wabwino woti mupite nayo, ndipo muzimupangitsa kumva kuti ndi wapadera madzulo amenewo (zilibe kanthu kuti nonse mukukhala limodzi kapena ayi). Chitani chilichonse chomwe mungathe kuti muzimupangitsa kumva ngati mfumukazi pa chakudya chamadzulo chimenecho. Maluwa (makamaka maluwa a duwa), kapeti wofiira, woyimba vayolini, kapena chilichonse chomwe amakonda komanso chomwe chikugwirizana ndi bajeti yanu. Mukakhala pachibwenzi, funsani nkhani ya kusintha kwa khalidwe lake. Muuzeni kuti mukumva kuti simukukondedwa komanso simukukondedwa kwenikweni (osanena chilichonse chokhudza inu poganiza kuti akukunyengani).

Pamene mukulankhula, phunzirani momwe amachitira komanso momwe thupi lake limagwirira ntchito. Nthawi zina, zikhoza kukhala kuti wayamba kutenga chibwenzi ndi inu mopepuka ndipo ndi zamatsenga tsiku, iye angazindikire kulakwitsa kwake. Zikatero, yankho lake lidzakhala labwino ndipo adzakhala wokonzeka kukuthandizani kuyambira pano. Chochita china chingakhale chakuti angadzimve kukhala ndi liwongo kotheratu ponena kuti mumamukonda kwambiri ndi kusiya munthu winayo (ngati, alipodi).

Mu nkhani yomaliza, kudzimva kwake wolakwa kungamupangitse kukuuzani zoona ngati anakopeka ndi wina kapena anakunamizani kale. Kaya zinthu zili bwanji, mukatha chibwenzi, mudzakhala ndi lingaliro lomveka bwino la komwe chibwenzi chanu chili.

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Kotero, mwapeza kuti yankho la funso lakuti "Kodi bwenzi langa likundinyenga?" ndi inde wamkulu. Bwanji tsopano, inu mukudabwa. Muyenera kuchita zinthu zotsatirazi mosamala komanso mosamala, malingana ndi zimene mukufuna kuchokera paubwenzi tsopano kuti mwapeza kuti iye ananyenga.

1. Kambani naye

Kulankhulana momveka bwino nthawi zonse ndi lingaliro labwino. Akhazikitseni pansi, khalani odekha, ndipo mufunseni chifukwa chake anakunyengererani. Pali zifukwa zambiri za kusakhulupirika. Pangani malo omwe angakhale oona mtima pazolakwa zake. Ngati anganene kuti mwabera, mukhoza kuchitapo kanthu. Ngati satero, mudzadziwa kuti munayesapo.

2. Itanani izo kusiya

Ngati kubera sikungochitika kamodzi, ngati zakhala zikuchitika mobwerezabwereza, ndibwino kuti mufune kuthetsa chibwenzicho. Kukhala ndi mnzanu amene amabera nthawi zonse kungakhale koopsa komanso kopanda thanzi kwa inu. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukukhulupirira kuti mwakhala mukumuchitira chinyengo, kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi njira yabwino kuti muthane ndi kuwona mtima, chisangalalo, kukhulupirika mwa munthu wina kunja uko.

3. Limbitsani ubale wanu

Kubera sikutanthauza kuti chibwenzi chatha. Akakutsimikizirani kuti ali wokonzeka kusintha ndipo sangachitenso cholakwa chomwecho, ganizirani kumupatsa mpata. Simudziwa, kuberako kungamupangitse kuzindikira kuti amayamikira zomwe ali nazo ndi inu. Akhoza kuyesetsa kwambiri kuposa ndi kale lonse kuti achite zonse zomwe angathe kuti akutsimikizireni kuti kukhulupirika kwake kuli pa inu komanso ubale wanu. 

Ibibazo

Kunyenga Mu Ubale Wautali - Zizindikiro 18 Zobisika

Malangizo 20 Oti Mukhale Bwenzi Labwino Ndikumupanga Kukhala Dziko Lanu

Mafunso 100 Achikondi Oti Mufunse Bwenzi Lanu Ndipo Musungunuke Mtima Wake

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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