Kodi Onyenga Amazindikira Liti Kuti Analakwitsa? 10 Zochitika

Mnzanga, Tara, anazindikira kuti mwamuna wake anali kumunyengerera moipitsitsa—mkazi amene anali naye pachibwenzi anam’suma mlandu wachigololo. Pamene tinkasonkhana kuti timuthandize ndi kumutonthoza, funso limene Tara ankamuvutitsa kwambiri linali lakuti, “Kodi amanong’oneza bondo chifukwa chondinyenga? 

Izi zidandipangitsa kuganiza, kodi onyenga amazindikira bwanji kuti adalakwitsa ndipo liti? Ndipo kuzindikira kumeneku kumakhudza bwanji zochita zawo kupita patsogolo? Chifukwa cha Taras onse kunja uko akulimbana ndi mafunso ofanana kapena kufunafuna lingaliro lachinyengo lachinyengo mwa abwenzi awo, ndinaganiza zofufuza mozama momwe onyenga amamvera chisoni.  

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Ngati mwanyengedwa, mwina mukudabwa kuti: kodi anthu onyenga amamva bwanji za iwo okha ? Kodi amadandaula ndi zochita zawo? Popeza kuti chinyengo ndi chisankho, chisankho chofuna kuwononga chidaliro cha mnzanu, zingakhale zosavuta kuganiza kuti munthu wonyenga ali ndi mtendere wamumtima ndi zochita zake. Komabe, sizili choncho nthawi zonse. Ndipo kudzimvera chisoni sikuli koyenera. Ngakhale kuti anthu ena onyenga amamva chisoni chachikulu komanso manyazi, ena amapeza njira zodzilungamitsira zochita zawo. Zonse zimatengera zomwe zikuchitika. Kaya munthu wonyenga amadandaula ndi zochita zake nthawi zambiri zimadalira zinthu zotsatirazi:

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1. Mlingo wa ndalama zotengeka maganizo pankhaniyi

Kudzimvera chisoni kwa anthu achinyengo nthawi zambiri kumatengera momwe amachitira ndi chibwenzi chawo. Choncho, ngati mnzanuyo anabera chifukwa chongosangalala, akhoza kumva kuti ali ndi mlandu pambuyo pake. Komabe, ngati pali chikoka chakuya kwa mnzakoyo, chikhoza kuthetsa chisoni chachikulu. 

Dokotala Tammy Nelson, katswiri woona za kugonana ndi maubwenzi, akufotokoza kuti, "Nthawi zambiri munthu amadandaula nthawi yomweyo, pomwe nkhani zamaganizo zingatenge nthawi yayitali kuti zimupangitse kumva chisoni—ngati zingachitike. Ngati wina akondana ndi mnzake wa chibwenzi chake , sangamve chisoni mofanana."

2. Makhalidwe abwino ndi kuyankha mlandu

Kodi amuna amanong'oneza bondo chifukwa chochita zachinyengo ? Kodi akazi amamva chisoni chifukwa chopereka mnzawo? Kupatula kugonana, khalidwe la munthu ndi malamulo ake abwino ndi zomwe zimamupangitsa kumva ngati akuchita zachinyengo chifukwa chochita zachinyengo. Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene analeredwa m'banja lomwe kukhulupirika sikungatheke kukambirana amakhala ndi vuto lalikulu lodzimva kuti ndi wolakwa kuposa munthu amene anakulira ndi maganizo akuti "zomwe sakudziwa sizingamuvulaze".

Katswiri wina wa zamaganizo, dzina lake Alexandra Solomon, ananena kuti: “Anthu amene amabera komanso kudziimba mlandu kwambiri amakhala anthu amene amalolera m’mayesero ngakhale kuti ali ndi makhalidwe abwino.

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3. Kaya chibwenzicho chidadziwika ndi motani 

Kudandaula kungadalire ngati wachinyengoyo adagwidwa kapena adavomereza mwadala. Ena amangodandaula kuti adagwidwa. Monga momwe wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu akunenera, "Wakale wanga anali akuonabe chikondi chake choyamba mwachinsinsi pamene ndinakumana naye zaka 35 zapitazo, ndipo anapitirizabe kumuwona mwachinsinsi kwa zaka 8 zoyambirira za ukwati wathu. Ndinazindikira masiku awiri pambuyo pa Khirisimasi, pomugwira m'mabodza. Tsopano akunena kuti "Wakwiya chifukwa chondipweteka."

"Sindikugwirizana nazo, wadzikwiyira yekha chifukwa adagwidwa ndipo tsopano akukumana ndi zotsatira zake. Iye ankadziwa kuti zomwe ankachita zinkandipweteka, komabe anasankha kutero nthawi ndi nthawi. Anali ndi chisankho pamene tidakumana koyamba, kundiuza kuti sakupezeka, koma adasankha kuchita mwachinyengo ndikunditsekera m'banja momwe adandiuza kuti amandikonda komanso ine ndekha. "

4. Zotsatira zomwe amakumana nazo

Kudzimvera chisoni kwa munthu wobera nthawi zambiri kumagwirizana ndi zomwe zachitika. Kodi anataya chibwenzi chake, kapena mnzanu wake anamukhululukira? Ngati munthu woberayo ataya nthawi yomweyo n’kutaya ulemu wa kwawo, wa banja lake, ndi wa anzake, ndiye kuti mwina chisoni chimakhalapo. Ngati mnzakeyo amukhululukira chifukwa chobera ndipo amubwezera popanda zotsatirapo zabwino, sangamve chisoni kwambiri.

Nthawi zina, monga momwe zinalili ndi bwenzi langa, Tara, kuopsa kwa zotsatira zake kungapangitse munthu kukhala wamanyazi. Kuthana ndi mlandu, ntchito yake yokhazikika, kutaya banja, zidapangitsa mwamuna wa Tara kukhala wosachita manyazi ndi zomwe adachita. Popeza anali munthu wopanda chilichonse chomwe angataye, anali ndi zomwe adachita ndi malingaliro akuti "eya, ndiye bwanji".  

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5. Maganizo awo pa bwenzi lawo loyamba

Mkhalidwe wa ubale wa munthu umakhudzanso momwe amamvera akasankha kupandukira mnzawo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati munthu ali paubwenzi wachikondi ndipo wasankha kunyenga kuti asangalale kapena ngati mankhwala oletsa kusungulumwa, angadandaule kwambiri ndi zochita zake kuposa munthu amene ali paubwenzi woopsa kapena wozunza . Dokotala wodziwika bwino wa zaubwenzi Dr. Esther Perel anati, “Si chinyengo chonse chomwe chimachitika m’maubwenzi osasangalala. Komabe, anthu amene amanyenga chifukwa chosakhutira kwambiri nthawi zambiri amanong’oneza bondo, koma osati mchitidwewo.”

Pofotokoza momwe kukhala pachibwenzi chopanda thanzi kungachepetsere chisoni cha chinyengo, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akunena kuti, "Ndinanyenga chifukwa ndinkazunzidwa mwakuthupi komanso m'maganizo ndipo sindinalandire chikondi kuchokera muubwenzi womwe ndimafuna kotero ndinachipeza kwina. Ndinayesa kuchoka koma sizinagwire ntchito. Ankandinyoza mwakuthupi ndi zina zotero. Komabe, palibe chifukwa chochitira zimenezo, sindiyenera kuchita, koma sichoncho chifukwa chake ndili pano kuti ndifotokoze zimenezo. Kuti ndiyankhe funso lanu, pamene ndinanyenga, sindinamve chisoni chilichonse. Sindinamve chisoni, sindinkafuna kupitiriza chibwenzi chomwe ndinali nacho chifukwa anali wankhanza kwambiri kwa ine."

6. Kukhoza kwawo kulungamitsa nkhaniyo

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit anati, “Pamene mwamuna wanga ankandinyenga, anandiuza kuti mosadziwa ankachita manyazi koma ankaopa kugwidwa, koma anabisa ndipo ankangoganizira zosangalala ndi nthawiyo. Sanali ndi chidwi chosiya chibwenzicho mpaka chibwenzicho chitayamba mwachibadwa, kaya mwa kuzimiririka kapena kugwidwa. “Ndikachisiya, ankathawira kwa iwe, choncho ndinasangalala ndi chibwenzicho mpaka china chake chikachitika.”

Anthu ambiri amapeza njira zopezera zifukwa zopezera zifukwa zopezera zifukwa chifukwa akusangalala ndi zomwe zachitikazo kwambiri moti sakufuna kuzisiya. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Robert Weiss akuti, 'Anthu onyenga omwe amapereka zifukwa zopezera zifukwa zochita zawo ndi 'Mnzanga anandinyalanyaza' kapena 'It was just sex' nthawi zambiri sakhala ndi chisoni chenicheni. Amaona zochita zawo ngati zoyenera osati kusakhulupirika.

7. Kaya kubera ndi chizolowezi kapena nthawi imodzi 

Anthu ochita zachinyengo nthawi zambiri komanso omwe amachita zachinyengo kamodzi nthawi zambiri amamva chisoni mosiyana kwambiri. Dr. Patrick Carnes, katswiri wodziwa za chizolowezi chogonana, akufotokoza kuti, "Anthu omwe amachita zachinyengo mobwerezabwereza nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi vuto la maganizo—zomwe zikutanthauza kuti samadzimvera chisoni kwambiri pakapita nthawi. Munthu amene amachita zachinyengo kamodzi nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi vuto la kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa kwambiri komanso wodziona ngati wolakwa."

Munthu wokonda chinyengo samangopeza njira zodzilungamitsa zomwe achita komanso, m'kupita kwa nthawi, amaphunzira kukankhira kutali kapena kupondereza malingaliro odzimvera chisoni kapena achisoni. Kumbali ina, munthu amene wadzipereka kwambiri kwa mnzawo angakhale ndi liwongo ndi manyazi chifukwa cha “cholakwa chachikulu m’moyo” chimene chikuwadya.

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Kodi Onyenga Amazindikira Liti Kuti Analakwitsa? 10 Zochitika

Malingana ndi chikhalidwe cha zolakwa za mnzanuyo, mkhalidwe wa ubale wanu, ndi umunthu wawo, mukhoza tsopano kukhala ndi malingaliro oti kapena ayi (ndipo momwe) amanong'oneza bondo kuti akubera. Komabe, kumva chisoni kungadalirenso mikhalidwe yomwe imayambitsa chigololocho ndi pambuyo pake. Kodi onyenga amazindikira liti kuti analakwitsa, mukufunsa? Muzochitika zotsatirazi: 

1. Kulimbana ndi kugwa m'maganizo

Kodi achiwembu amazindikira zomwe adataya chifukwa chosakhulupirira mnzake? Monga momwe zasonyezedwera m’nkhani ya chibwenzi chomwe tagawana pamwambapa, chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo cha chibwenzi chikayamba kuzimiririka, achiwembu amayang’anizana ndi kugwa kwamalingaliro kwa zosankha zawo. Zimenezi zingadzutse malingaliro odzimvera chisoni kwambiri. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring anati: “Mnzake wosakhulupirika angadzimve chisoni kwambiri ataona kuti mnzakeyo wakhumudwa kwambiri ndi kusakhulupirika.”

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2. Kutaya chikhulupiriro

Chikhulupiriro ndicho maziko amene ubale uliwonse wokhalitsa umamangidwapo. Pambuyo pa chibwenzi, munthu wachinyengo akazindikira kuti mnzawo amavutika kum’khulupirira ngakhale pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono, ngakhale atasankha kumukhululukira n’kupatsanso chibwenzicho mpata wina, akhoza kulimbana ndi maganizo osautsa akuti, “Ndinabera ndipo ndanong’oneza bondo.”

Dr. Shirley Glass, wolemba buku lakuti Not Just Friends , akuti, “Kutaya chidaliro kungakhale chizindikiro chodzutsa mnzawo wosakhulupirika, zomwe zimasonyeza kuzama kwa kusakhulupirika kwawo.” Izi zili choncho chifukwa amatha kuona momwe zimakhalira zovuta kumanganso chidaliro muubwenzi , ndipo angadandaule kwambiri kuti ubale wawo ufike pamenepo.

3. Kukumana ndi zovuta zapagulu

Kusakhulupirika kungachititse kuti munthu ayambe kuweruzidwa komanso kusalidwa ndi anzanu komanso achibale. Pamene anzanu sakufunanso kucheza nanu, ana anu akamakuonani monyoza, antchito anzanu akamakunenani, mukaona mmene makolo anu akupwetekera, n’kovuta kuti musakhudzidwe ndi zotsatira za zochita zanu. 

Dr. Frank Pittman, dokotala wa matenda a maganizo, akufotokoza kuti: “Kukanidwa ndi anthu ocheza nawo kungawonjezere kudziimba mlandu ndi chisoni mwa mnzake wosakhulupirikayo. Ngati mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi onyenga amadziona bwanji?", Dziwani kuti kuthana ndi kusalidwa ndi anthu sikophweka. Pamene munthu awona mmene kusankha kolakwika kumodzi kumawonongera ubale uliwonse wofunikira m’moyo wake, kumadzetsa chisoni ndi manyazi.  

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4. Kuzindikira chibwenzicho sikunali koyenera

M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, chikoka cha chibwenzicho chikhoza kuchepa, kuchititsa wachinyengo kukayikira ngati kunali koyenera kusokoneza ubwenzi wawo woyamba. Izi zikhoza kuchitika pamene zachilendo ndi chisangalalo cha ubale wachinsinsi watha ndipo munthuyo ayamba kuona kuti chibwenzi ndi chiyanjano chinanso chofanana ndi zokwera ndi zotsika. 

Kapena pamene chibwenzicho chapezeka —monga, ngati mnzanuyo alankhula ndi mnzanu/mwamuna wake wamkulu ndikuulula zolakwa zawo, zingamupangitse munthu kudandaula ndi zomwe adachita. Dokotala wa zaubwenzi Dr. Esther Perel akuti, “Anthu ambiri amaona kuti chibwenzicho chinali njira yolakwika yopezera zosowa zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti amve chisoni kwambiri.”

5. Kukumana ndi mwayi wotaya wokondedwa wawo

Kodi onyenga amazindikira liti kuti analakwitsa? Palibe chomwe chimapangitsa kuzindikira uku kugunda kunyumba mwachangu kuposa kuwopseza kutaya wokondedwa wawo woyamba. Pamene mnzanu wachinyengo asankha kuchoka, kuthetsa, kapena kulingalira za kusudzulana, kukula kwa kulakwitsa kwawo kumayambira pa iwo. Zoonadi, pofika nthawiyo, kungakhale kuchedwa kwambiri kuti akonze, koma kutaya kumeneku komwe kungathe kupachikika pamutu pawo kungakhale chilimbikitso champhamvu osati chifukwa cha chisoni komanso kusintha. 

6. Kumva chisoni ndi ululu wa wokondedwa wawo

“Ndinanyenga ndipo ndikudandaula nazo.” Maganizo amenewa amayamba kumveka bwino munthu akaona mmene wapwetekera kwambiri mnzawo. Kuona zotsatira za chinyengo pa chibwenzi , kuona mnzawo akuvutika ndi kupwetekedwa mtima komanso kuyesa kusonkhanitsa zinthu za moyo wosweka chifukwa cha zolakwa zake kungamupangitse kumva chisoni ndikupangitsa wachinyengoyo kudandaula ndi chisankho chomwe wapanga.

7. Kuchita chinyengo kumatsutsana ndi mfundo zawo

Dr. Alexandra Solomon, yemwe ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, anati: “Kugwirizana ndi zimene munthu amayendera n’kofunika kwambiri, ndipo pakasemphana maganizo, nthawi zambiri munthu amayamba kudzinyoza.” Ngati wachinyengo ali ndi dongosolo lamtengo wapatali lomwe adakhalapo moyo wake wonse koma kenako nkuchita chinthu chosagwirizana ndi nthawi yofooka, amatha kumva ngati wapereka zonse zomwe adayimilira, zomwe zimadzetsa chisoni chachikulu. 

Shincy, wowerenga mabuku ochokera ku Cape Town, akuti, “Ine ndi mnzanga tinali tikukumana ndi mavuto. Pambuyo pa ndewu yoopsa kwambiri, ndinatuluka m’nyumbamo mwachangu n’kupita kwa mnzanga wapamtima kukagona usiku wonse. Chinthu chimodzi chinabweretsa china, ndipo ndinapeza chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi changa chakale . M’mawa wotsatira unali tsiku loipa kwambiri pa moyo wanga. Ndinabwerera ndi kuulula zonse kwa mnzanga ndikupempha kuti andikhululukire. Zinamutengera nthawi kuti adutse zomwe ndachita koma chaka chathachi ndi mavuto ake zatiyandikira kwambiri kuposa kale lonse.”

8. Kuzindikira momwe ana amakhudzira

Kodi ndi liti pamene anthu onyenga amazindikira zomwe ataya? Chinthu chokhudza kwambiri pothana ndi zotsatira za chinyengo cha munthu wonyenga ndikumvetsetsa kuvulaza komwe zochita zake zabweretsa/kumene zikanabweretsa kwa ana awo. Munthu wonyenga akayamba kuona kuti banja lake lingasweke chifukwa cha zomwe wachita kapena kuona ana ake akuvutika ndi ululu ndi chisokonezo chomwe chimabwera chifukwa cha kusamvana pakati pa makolo awo, mosakayikira zimayambitsa kudziona ngati wonyansa komanso wodandaula kwambiri. Pamenepo ndiye pamene anthu onyenga amavutika kwambiri. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Joshua Coleman akuvomereza, ndipo akuti, "Kuzindikira kuti khalidwe lawo lingasokoneze miyoyo ya ana awo kungakhale chifukwa chachikulu chodandaulira."

9. Kukumana ndi mapeto a Chibwenzi

Kutha kwa chibwenzi kungayambitsenso chisoni cha chinyengo. Ngati mnzanu wa chibwenzi wasankha kuthetsa chibwenzi, chinyengocho chingamve ngati chatayika ndipo chingakayikire zomwe adasankha. Ngati chibwenzicho chavumbulutsidwa ndipo motero chikufika kumapeto kwake kosatha, zotsatira zake zimatha kusiya munthu akudabwa ngati chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo cha kanthawi kochepa chinali choyenera mtengo wake. Mofananamo, ngati munthu wasankha kuthetsa chibwenzi chake, zitha kukhala chifukwa chakuti akulimbana kale ndi kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa.

M’zochitika zonsezi, munthu amamva chisoni ndi zimene anachita. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Scott Haltzman anati: “Kutha kwa chibwenzi kungachititse munthu kulimbana ndi kudziona ngati wopanda pake komanso kudzimvera chisoni.” Ngati chibwenzicho chitha asanadziwike, malingalirowa akhoza kukhala chilimbikitso chachikulu kuti munthu akonze zolakwa zake (popanda kuulula kapena popanda kuvomereza) ndi kuyesetsa kukulitsa ubale wawo ndi bwenzi lake loyamba. 

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10. Kukumana ndi zotsatira zalamulo kapena zachuma

Kodi ndi liti pamene amuna amadandaula kwambiri chifukwa cha chinyengo? Ndithudi, pamene kusakhulupirika kumabweretsa mikangano yamilandu ndi mavuto azachuma omwe amabwera chifukwa cha milandu ya chisudzulo ndi malipiro a ndalama zothandizira, kapena munthuyo amaona momwe moyo wovuta pambuyo pa chisudzulo umaonekera. Ngakhale munthu atakhala wachinyengo nthawi zonse, zotsatira zake zenizeni zingamupangitse kuona zolakwika za njira zake ndikumupangitsa kudandaula ndi zochita zake. Monga momwe katswiri wa zaukwati Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, katswiri wa zaukwati akunenera, "Zotsatira zenizeni za kusakhulupirika zingakhale chikumbutso chovuta cha mtengo wa kusakhulupirika."

Maganizo Final 

Kumvetsetsa zochitika izi kungapereke chidziwitso chazovuta zovuta komanso kuzindikira zomwe obera angakhale nazo. Komabe, ndikofunikira kuika patsogolo machiritso anu ndi ubwino wanu. Kufunafuna chithandizo kuchokera kwa abwenzi odalirika, achibale, kapena alangizi odziwa ntchito kungakuthandizeni kuthana ndi zotsatira za kusakhulupirika.

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