Ubwenzi Wogonana: Tanthauzo, Ubwino Ndi Njira Zotukuka

Pankhani ya kugwirizana kwa anthu, kugonana kumakhala ngati chothandizira kwambiri, chomwe chimatha kudutsa thupi ndi kulimbikitsa maubwenzi ozama. Kuwonjezera pa zosangalatsa chabe, kumaphatikizapo kufotokoza mopanda mantha zilakolako zathu zakuya, kukhazikitsa malo opanda chiweruzo a chiwopsezo, ndi kukumbatirana matupi a wina ndi mzake. Ubwenzi wolimba wogonana umakhala ngati njira yosinthira, kukulitsa kuvomerezedwa, chikhumbo, ndi kusilira, motero kupanga maziko a ubale wabwino. 

Mukamvetsetsa kufunika kwa kugonana muubwenzi, mudzazindikira kuti kugonana kumachita gawo lofunika kwambiri pakumanga ubale wokhalitsa. Tiyeni timvetse kufunika kwa kugonana muubwenzi ndi chidziwitso kuchokera kwa mphunzitsi waubwenzi ndi ubwenzi Shivanya Yogmayaa (wovomerezeka padziko lonse lapansi mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), yemwe ndi katswiri pa njira zosiyanasiyana zolangizira mabanja.

Kodi Kugonana Kogonana N'chiyani?

Shivanya akugogomezera kuti ubwenzi wabwino wakuthupi mu ubale ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri chifukwa zimakupangitsani kumva kuvomerezedwa, kukhumbidwa, ndi kusilira. Zingathandizenso kuti thanzi lanu likhale labwino. Kugonana kumaphatikizapo:

• Kulumikizana kwakukulu kwamalingaliro: Kugonana kumaphatikizapo kufotokoza momasuka zilakolako ndi malongosoledwe, kulimbikitsa mgwirizano wozama wamaganizo kuposa kuyanjana kwakuthupi.
• Kulankhula mopanda mantha: Othandizana nawo amalankhulana zomwe akufuna pogonana popanda kuweruza, kupanga malo ovomerezeka komanso osachita manyazi
• Chiwopsezo ndi machiritso: Kukondana kumakulitsa chiwopsezo, kulola okondedwa kuthana ndi zowawa zakale pamodzi, zomwe zimatsogolera kuchirana.
• Kuwonana: Kumvetsetsa kusiyana pakati pa kupanga chikondi ndi kugonana ndikofunikira apa. Othandizana nawo amagawana momasuka zilakolako zawo zogonana, kupanga mgwirizano wapadera komanso chidwi
• Chigwirizano chokhalitsa: Kugonana ndikofunikira pakulimbitsa ndi kulimbikitsa mgwirizano pakati pa okwatirana ndikupanga ubale wamphamvu, wokhalitsa kudzera mukukhulupirirana, kumvetsetsana, ndi kukwaniritsa

Shivanya akuwonjezera kuti, "Kugonana, kutanthauza kuti ndinu wokonzeka kuyesa ndi kufufuza china chatsopano, kumapangitsa onse awiri kukhala omasuka kufufuza malingaliro awo. kukhudza.” 

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Momwe Kugonana Kumakhudzira Maubwenzi

Kugonana ndi munthu mmodzi kumagwira ntchito ngati chinthu chomangirira kwambiri paubwenzi, kumangirira okwatirana m'maganizo komanso mwakuthupi. Kumalimbikitsa malingaliro ovomereza, chilakolako, ndi kukhutira, ndikukulitsa mgwirizano waukulu womwe umalimbitsa ubale wawo. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina , mbali zamaganizo ndi zogonana za ubale muubwenzi wachikondi ndi zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri za kukhutitsidwa kwa ubale wa awiriwa. Si nkhani yokhudza kugonana ndi ubale. Chilichonse chimapereka mbali yosiyana koma yolumikizana ya ubale, koma zonse ziwiri ndizofunikira mofanana.

Shivanya anawonjezera kuti: “Kuphatikiza pa kubweretsa ubwino wosiyanasiyana wa thanzi kwa onse aŵiri, kulimbikitsa kugonana kumathandiza kuti ubwenzi wa anthu okwatirana ukhale wolimba, wokhutira, ndiponso kuti onse awiri azikondedwa.” Kugonana kosangalatsa nthawi zambiri kumapangitsa kuti anthu azisangalala paubwenzi wawo wonse. Kukwaniritsidwa kumeneku kumapangitsa munthu kukhala ndi chidaliro m'thupi lake ndikuwongolera nyonga, kumakhudza bwino kuyanjana ndi ena.

Amuna ndi akazi onse amamva zinthu zosiyanasiyana - akazi amamva kuti ali mu chikondi, pomwe amuna amapeza chisangalalo chokwaniritsa zinthu pokhutiritsa okondedwa awo. Kukhutiritsa kumeneku kumapitirira malire a moyo wawo, kumakhudza momwe amachitira zinthu komanso ngakhale mphamvu zawo zotsogolera. Motero, chikondi cha m'maganizo ndi chogonana chimakhala zinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale chitukuko komanso ubale wabwino.

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Ubwino Wa Kugonana Kwambiri

Shivanya anati: “Kugonana kuli ngati mafuta amene amachititsa kuti chibwenzicho chiziyenda ngati makina opakidwa mafuta ambiri pothandiza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi azisangalala komanso azisangalala. Zimapatsa onse awiri chidaliro kuti akhoza kudalirana wina ndi mzake, kuwapangitsa kukhala otetezeka mu ubale wawo. Othandizana nawo amamvanso ngati ali ndi zomwe akuyembekezera akabwera pamodzi. Pamene kugonana sikuli kokwanira, chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi kukhudza nazonso sizimakwaniritsa. Zikatero, onse awiri amaona kuti ndi osatetezeka muubwenzi.

Anthu awiri akamaona kuti sali otetezeka muubwenzi wawo, sangamasukirane. Koma pankhaniyi, kukhudza thupi kungagwire ntchito ngati chilankhulo cha chikondi. Nthawi zina, kukhudza mwachikondi kumalankhula bwino kuposa mawu. Mwa kukhudzana mwachikondi, okwatirana angapangitse wina ndi mnzake kumva kuti ali otetezeka komanso ofunidwa. Zimatsegula malo ambiri muubwenzi. Ubwino wa kugonana umapitirira zinthu zosangalatsa ndipo umaphatikizaponso:

1. Kulimbitsa mgwirizano wamalingaliro

Kugonana kumalimbikitsa chiyanjano chakuya pakati pa okondedwa. Kutulutsidwa kwa oxytocin, komwe nthawi zambiri kumatchedwa 'hormone yachikondi', panthawi yogonana kumalimbikitsa kukhulupirirana, chikondi, ndi kugwirizana, kulimbikitsa maziko amalingaliro a chiyanjano. Mudzakhala oyandikana kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wanu ngati mukugonana kwambiri. 

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2. Kuchepetsa nkhawa

Kugonana kungakhale njira yachilengedwe yochepetsera kupsinjika. Ngati muli pachibwenzi chopanda kugonana , kumakhudza kuchuluka kwa kupsinjika m'moyo. Ubwenzi wapamtima umayambitsa kutulutsidwa kwa ma endorphins, mankhwala osangalatsa m'thupi, omwe angathandize kuchepetsa kupsinjika ndi nkhawa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu akhale ndi mpumulo komanso thanzi labwino.

3. Kuwongolera kugona bwino

Pambuyo pa kugonana, thupi limatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi ta prolactin, timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi timene timatulutsa timadzi tambirimbiri totchedwa prolactin. Izi zitha kupangitsa kugona bwino komanso kupuma movutikira, kukulitsa thanzi la okondedwa komanso malingaliro awo.

4. Chitetezo chabwino cha mthupi

Pali maubwino angapo pa thanzi la munthu amene amakhala ndi moyo wabwino wogonana. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kuchita chiwerewere nthawi zonse kungathandize kuti chitetezo chamthupi chizigwira ntchito bwino. Kumawonjezera kupanga kwa immunoglobulin A (IgA), antibody yomwe imathandiza kuteteza thupi ku matenda, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu asamadwale kwambiri. Malinga ndi kafukufukuyu , akazi ogonana amakhala ndi chiopsezo chochepa cha matenda a mtima akakula.

5. Kupweteka kwachisoni

Kutulutsidwa kwa endorphins panthawi yogonana sikungochepetsa nkhawa komanso kumagwira ntchito ngati mankhwala opweteka achilengedwe. Mankhwalawa angathandize kuchepetsa kupweteka kwa mutu, kupweteka kwa msambo, ndi mitundu ina ya kusapeza bwino. 

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6. Kudzidalira kwakukulu

Kugonana kokhutiritsa ndi mnzanu kungakuthandizeninso kudzimva bwino. Koma kukanidwa ndi mnzanu , kumbali ina, kungakhale ndi zotsatira zosiyana. Shivanya akuti, "Zokumana nazo zabwino zogonana komanso kumva kuti mnzanuyo walandiridwa zingakhudze kwambiri kudzidalira kwanu komanso mawonekedwe a thupi lanu. Kumva kuti mukufunidwa komanso kuyamikiridwa kungapangitse kuti mukhale ndi chidaliro komanso kudziona kuti ndinu ofunika."

7. Kalori kuwotcha

Kugonana kungakhale njira yolimbitsa thupi, kuwotcha zopatsa mphamvu ndikuthandizira kupititsa patsogolo thanzi la mtima. Ngakhale sizingalowe m'malo mwazochita zolimbitsa thupi, zimatha kuthandizira kukhala ndi moyo wokangalika. 

8. Kusangalala paubwenzi

Kugonana kokhutiritsa nthawi zambiri kumatanthauza kukhutitsidwa ndi ubale wonse. Kulankhulana momasuka za zokhumba ndi zomwe mumakonda kumalimbikitsa kudalirana, kumvetsetsana, komanso kumvana kukhutitsidwa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wabwino komanso wokhalitsa. Ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri mu ubale . Mu ubale wa nthawi yayitali, onse awiri ayenera kukhala ndi kukhudzana mokwanira mwakuthupi komanso chisangalalo chogonana. Popanda kuyandikana kwambiri, ubalewo udzasokonekera.

Malangizo Okulitsa Kugonana Kwachibwenzi

Kugonana ndi ulendo womwe umafuna khama, kuleza mtima, ndi kufunitsitsa kukulira limodzi. Mwa kukulitsa kulumikizana kwanu ndikukumbatira chiwopsezo, mutha kupanga ubale wokhutiritsa komanso wokonda kugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu.

Kukulitsa ubale wogonana muubwenzi kumafuna kulankhulana momasuka ndi mnzanu, kudalirana, komanso kufunitsitsa kufufuza ndi kulumikizana ndi mnzanuyo mozama. Nazi malangizo ena olimbikitsira ubale wogonana:

1. Kulankhulana ndikofunika kwambiri

Kuti ukwati kapena ubale wanu ukhale wopambana , lankhulani momasuka komanso moona mtima ndi mnzanu za zomwe mukufuna, zosowa zanu, ndi malire anu. Pangani malo otetezeka omwe nonse mumakhala omasuka kufotokoza malingaliro anu ndi maloto anu. Shivanya akupereka malangizo otsatirawa kuti mulankhule momveka bwino kuti muwongolere zomwe mukukumana nazo pogonana:

• Tsegulani zokambirana: Limbikitsani kugonana kwabwinoko pokambirana moona mtima zokhumba, malire, ndi zongopeka
• Kumvetsera mwachidwi: Limbikitsani kulumikizana kwanu pomvera zofuna za mnzanu ndi zomwe amakonda popanda kuweruza
• Zizindikiro zopanda mawu: Limbikitsani ubwenzi mwa kulabadira kalankhulidwe ka thupi ndi machitidwe, kuyankha mwachidziwitso
• Nthawi ndi masinthidwe: Sankhani nthawi yoyenera ndi zokhazikika zomasuka pazokambirana zapamtima, kuwonetsetsa kuti onse awiri ali omasuka
• Feedback loop: Kusinthana pafupipafupi ndi mayankho kuti musinthe ndikuwunika zomwe mwakumana nazo zatsopano, kukulitsa kulumikizana kokwanira komanso kosinthika

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2. Ikani patsogolo kulumikizana kwamalingaliro

Kumanga ubale wachikondi kunja kwa chipinda chogona kumalimbitsa ubale mkati mwake. Chitani zokambirana zomveka, khalani ndi nthawi yabwino pamodzi, ndipo sonyezanani chikondi ndi kuyamikirana nthawi zonse. Shivanya amalimbikitsa kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi monga kugwiritsa ntchito makadi achikondi. Masewera ngati awa angathandize kutsegula, makamaka mukakhala banja latsopano. Makhadi oseketsa awa odzipereka ku chilakolako ndi kugonana kwa onse awiri amathandiza ngakhale m'modzi mwa okondedwa ake akukayikira kwambiri kufotokoza zomwe akufuna ndi zomwe akufuna. Ngakhale kukhudza kosagonana kumathandiza kwambiri kukulitsa ubalewu.

3. Fufuzani zongopeka za wina ndi mnzake

Pachiyanjano chozama, ndikofunikira kuti onse awiri azikhala omasuka komanso omasuka. Khalani omasuka kuyesa zinthu zatsopano ndikuwona malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake pakugonana. Izi zitha kuwonjezera chisangalalo ndi zachilendo pazokumana nazo zakugonana, kukulitsa kulumikizana kwanu. Kaya wokondedwa wanu akufuna kuyesa njira zosiyanasiyana kapena kugwiritsa ntchito zoseweretsa zogonana ndi zothandizira kuti akomere mtima, kondani malingaliro awo. Ndilo chinsinsi chokulitsa ubale wapamtima.

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4. Yang'anani kwambiri pamasewera apatsogolo

Khalani ndi nthawi yochita masewero olimbitsa thupi kuti mukhale ndi chiyembekezo komanso chilakolako chogonana. Izi zitha kukulitsa chisangalalo ndikupanga ubale wokhutiritsa komanso ubale wapamtima pakati pa okwatirana. Mutha kuyesa kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kapena kuyesa kukwaniritsa maloto a wina ndi mnzake pabedi.

Nazi zina zolimbitsa thupi zomwe zingathandize:

• Kufuna mapu: Wokondedwa aliyense amapanga mndandanda wa zokhumba zawo ndi zongopeka padera. Onse kenako amagawana ndikukambirana momasuka kuti mufufuze zomwe mumakonda
• Kufufuza mozama: Mangani m'maso mnzanu wina ndikugwiritsa ntchito mawonekedwe osiyanasiyana, kutentha, ndi zomverera kuti muwonjezere kuzindikira ndikukulitsa chikhulupiriro
• Gawo lotengapo: Yesani ndi zochitika ngati sewero, kukulitsa malingaliro atsopano ndikuyatsa chilakolako chatsopano
• Kupuma kwa Tantric: Kupumira kolumikizana panthawi yaubwenzi kuti mukhazikitse kulumikizana kwamalingaliro ndi thupi, kulimbikitsa chidziwitso champhamvu

5. Khalani osamala ndi opezekapo

Kugonana ndi kutengeka mtima zimalumikizana kwambiri ndipo zimakhudza ubale wapamtima kwambiri. Yang'anani pa nthawiyo ndikukhalapo panthawi yokumana ndi anzanu apamtima. Kugwirizana m'malingaliro ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti ubale ukhale wopambana. Chotsani zosokoneza ndikudzilola kuti muzichita nawo mokwanira. Khalani ndi nthawi yofufuza thupi la mnzanuyo. Izi zipangitsanso kukhala kosavuta kuthetsa nkhani zilizonse zokhudzana ndi kugonana zikafika.

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6. Samalani ndi thanzi lanu

Kukhala bwino kwakuthupi kumakhudza kwambiri kugonana. Zoonadi, kugonana kuli ndi ubwino wambiri wathanzi, koma zotsutsanazi ndizowona: kukhala wathanzi n'kofunika pa moyo wabwino wogonana. Nawa malangizo angapo okuthandizani kukhala ndi thanzi labwino:

• Zolimbitsa thupi pafupipafupi: Chitani masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti mukhale ndi thanzi la mtima, kukhala wonenepa, ndi kulimbikitsa mphamvu zonse, zomwe zimakhudza nyonga yogonana. Mutha kuyesanso zolimbitsa thupi za maanja pakugonana kuti zigwirizane ndi dongosolo lanu lolimbitsa thupi
• Zakudya zopatsa thanzi: Idyani zakudya zokhala ndi michere yambiri, monga zipatso, ndiwo zamasamba, zomanga thupi zowonda, ndi mbewu zonse, kumathandizira kuti matupi athu aziyenda bwino.
• Kugona mokwanira: Ikani patsogolo kugona kwabwino kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro, kuchepetsa nkhawa, ndikuthandizira kupanga mahomoni athanzi. Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri pakugonana
• Kuwongolera kupsinjika: Phunzirani njira zopumula monga kusinkhasinkha, yoga, kapena kupuma kwambiri kuti muchepetse nkhawa zomwe zingalepheretse kugonana.
• Kulankhulana momasuka: Kambiranani zaumoyo wanu ndi okondedwa anu komanso akatswiri azaumoyo, ndikuthana ndi vuto lililonse lomwe likukhudza thanzi la kugonana

7. Yesani ndi zokopa 

Pali njira zingapo zowonjezerera ubale wapamtima kuti mukhale ogwirizana kwambiri. Pangani chibwenzi chosayembekezereka kunyumba ndikuwona zochita zogonana kupatula kugonana, monga kutikita minofu yokhudza kugonana, kupsompsonana, kapena kusamba limodzi. Zochita izi zingathandize kuti mukhale ogwirizana kwambiri. Kuyesa zinthu zatsopano m'chipinda chogona kudzapangitsa kuti ubale wapamtima ukhale wokhutiritsa komanso kutsimikizira kuti onse awiri akusangalala.

8. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri ngati kuli kofunikira

Nkhani zokhudzana ndi kugonana zimatha kubwera nthawi iliyonse muubwenzi uliwonse, kaya mwakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali kapena mudakali pachibwenzi. Kugonana kosakhutiritsa kumatha kusokoneza mbali zina zaubwenzi, kulekanitsa zibwenzi. 

Ngati inu kapena mnzanu mukukumana ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana, ganizirani zopempha malangizo kuchokera kwa katswiri wokhudza kugonana kapena mlangizi. Angakuthandizeni kuzindikira chomwe chimayambitsa vutoli ndikukupatsani zida zofunikira kuti muthane nalo. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito zaumoyo wogonana omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.

Kugonana, chinthu chofunika kwambiri pa mgwirizano wa anthu, chimapitirira kuposa zosangalatsa zakuthupi, kuphatikizapo chikondi chogonana ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya mawu apamtima omwe amalimbikitsa maubwenzi. Ngati mukudzifunsabe kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani kugonana kuli kofunika kwambiri muubwenzi?”, ndichifukwa chakuti, mwa zina, kugonana kwabwino kungathe kusintha maganizo a onse ogonana nawo. 

Komabe, zotsatira za kusowa kwa ubwenzi muubwenzi zitha kukhala zowononga, zomwe zimatsogolera kutalikirana m'malingaliro komanso kulephera kugonana. Pozindikira kufunikira kwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya maubwenzi apamtima ndikuthana ndi nkhani zogonana mosamalitsa komanso kumvetsetsa, maanja amatha kukulitsa ubale wozama komanso wokhutiritsa, kukulitsa ubale wawo ndi moyo wawo wonse.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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