Pamene mukumva kuchepa kwa ubwenzi wapamtima, funso la kusagonana kokhudzana ndi mgwirizano wanu limakhala lalikulu. Kodi ndichizindikiro choyamba choti ubale wanu sudzatha? Kapena zikukanika kale? Kodi ndizotheka kubwereranso ku ubale wosagonana ndikubwezeretsanso chibwenzi?
Mafunso onsewa ndi ovomerezeka, ndipo mayankho nthawi zambiri amakhala ogwirizana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa kusagonana. Pokhapokha ngati kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi chifukwa cha zinthu zachilengedwe zachilengedwe monga kuchepa kwa libido kapena ukalamba, zotsatira za ubale wosagonana zimatha kumveka mozama.
Tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa maubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, kuti timvetse zina mwa zotsatira zosadziwika bwino za maubwenzi opanda kugonana zomwe okwatirana ayenera kuyesetsa kuzipirira.
7 Zomwe Zimayambitsa Maubwenzi Osagonana
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Musanayambe kuganiza mopambanitsa za kuopsa kwa ukwati wosagonana womwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mungakhalemo, tiyeni tifufuze mozama kuti izi zikutanthauza chiyani. Tanthauzo la maubwenzi osagonana ndi loti anthu amene ali muubwenzi wachikondi amanena kuti amagonana kamodzi kapena kawiri kapena ayi pakadutsa chaka chimodzi.
Popeza kugonana ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri la ubwenzi pakati pa okondana, kukondana komwe kumachepa kwambiri kungayambitse kukhudza ubalewo. Kuti mumvetse momwe ubale wopanda kugonana umakhudzira ubale wachikondi, choyamba muyenera kuyang'ana chomwe chikuyambitsa chizolowezichi. Nthawi zambiri, zifukwa izi zimatsimikizira ngati kusowa kwa ubale kungawononge tsogolo la okwatiranawo.
Nazi zifukwa 7 za ubale wosagonana zomwe zimayambitsa moto wa zosangalatsa zathupi:
- M'maganizo: Kupsinjika, nkhawa, nkhawa zachuma zimatha kusokoneza libido
- Mikangano yosathetsedwa: Anthu okwatirana amene akukumana ndi mavuto osathetsedwa sachita zogonana
- Kuchepetsa libido: Mmodzi kapena onse awiri ndi osagonana kapena ataya chilakolako chawo chogonana
- Zolepheretsa maubale: Kusakhulupirika mwa kugonana, maganizo kapena kusakhulupirika pazachuma ilinso pakati pa zomwe zimayambitsa kusagonana
- Kusintha kwakukulu kwachilengedwe: Mimba, kubereka, kutha msinkhu, kusintha kwa thupi, kusalinganika kwa mahomoni, kusagwira bwino ntchito kwa erectile ndi ukalamba ndi zina mwazinthu zomwe zimakhudzidwa ndi chilengedwe zomwe zimakhudza chilakolako chogonana.
- Zochitika pamoyo: Kugonana kungathe kusokoneza pamene mmodzi kapena onse awiri ali ndi chisoni cha imfa ya wokondedwa. Momwemonso, kulumala, kuvulala kapena ngozi zitha kusokoneza moyo wanu wogonana
- Kuledzera: Chizoloŵezi chamtundu uliwonse, kaya ndi mowa, mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena zolaula, zingathe kusokoneza kugonana
- Ubale wina wopanda chiwerewere: Ndizotheka kuti chikondi chanu chimakhala chotsika kwambiri zomwe zikupanga mtunda pakati pa inu ndi mnzanuyo. Izi zingayambitse kutengeka kwa chikondi cha mbali imodzi zomwe zimakulitsa vuto la kugonana kosagonana
Zinthu zimenezi zimakhudza mwachindunji zotsatira za ubale wopanda kugonana zomwe mungakumane nazo ngati banja. Katswiri wa zachiwerewere Dr Rajan Bhonsle akuti, "Kukhala pachibwenzi wopanda kugonana uli ndi zaka 30 n'kosiyana kwambiri ndi kukhala pachibwenzi chimodzi uli ndi zaka 60. Ngati banja lakhala ndi moyo wogonana wokhutiritsa kwa zaka zoposa khumi kapena ziwiri, limatha kuvomereza mosavuta kuchepa kwa ubale. Koposa zonse, ngati chifukwa cha zifukwa zosapeŵeka zachibadwa.
“Komabe, ngati zifukwa zake zili nkhani zaubwenzi zomwe sizinathe kuthetsedwa ndipo mnzawo wina amalakalakabe kugonana koma winayo sakufuna, m’pamenenso zotsatira za kugonana kosagonana zingakhale zoopsa kwambiri.
9 Zotsatira za Ubwenzi Wopanda Kugonana Palibe Amene Akunena
Maubwenzi opanda kugonana ndi ofala kwambiri kuposa momwe timaganizira. Kafukufuku wozikidwa pa Kafukufuku wa Anthu ku US pomwe 19% ya okwatirana adanena kuti ali muubwenzi wopanda kugonana adagwirizanitsa mwachindunji chibwenzi ndi kuchuluka kwa chisangalalo. Pachifukwa ichi, zimakhala zofunikira kwambiri kudziwa momwe ubale wopanda kugonana umakhalira.
Dr Aman akuti, “Kusakhulupirika ndi kubera ndi chimodzi mwazotsatira zofala kwambiri zaubwenzi wosagonana.
“Komabe, ichi sindicho chiyambukiro chokha cha kugonana kosagonana chimene okwatirana ayenera kudera nkhaŵa nacho. Palinso ena angapo amene kaŵirikaŵiri amawasisita mpaka atayamba kuwononga unansiwo.
Mwachionekere, kuopsa kwa ukwati wosagonana kapena kugonana kosagonana n’kochuluka. Ndiye ngati mukuganiza kuti mphamvu zakugonana zayamba kuchepa muubwenzi wanu, imbani alamu. Nayi kutsika kwa 9 zodziwika bwino za ubale wosagonana zomwe palibe amene amazikamba:
1. Kuchulukirachulukira mwa amuna
Dr Aman akuti, "Chimodzi mwa zotsatira zofala kwambiri za ubale wopanda kugonana kwa amuna ndi kukwiya. Kwa amuna, kugonana ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri kuposa chamaganizo. Chinachake chofanana ndi kuyabwa. Tangoganizirani kusatha kukanda kuyabwako. Kungasiye aliyense akukhumudwa komanso kukwiya.
Izi zimaonekera m'mawu achipongwe ndi mawu opweteka monga akuti, 'Ndiwe wokalamba kwambiri' kapena 'Sindiwe wokwanira basi', nthawi zambiri pamaso pa anthu. Koma mmene kugonana kumakhudzira mkazi n'kosiyana.
Upangiri wa Dr Aman waukwati wopanda kugonana kwa amuna ndikupempha thandizo la akatswiri kuti apeze njira zoyankhulirana pankhaniyi.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungapulumukire Ukwati Wopanda Kugonana Popanda Kunyenga
2. Kuopsa kwa ukwati wosagonana komanso kuvutika maganizo
Ubwenzi wopanda kugonana pa 30? Kugona pafupi ndi mkazi amene sakufunanso kukhala nawe pachibwenzi? Nkhanizi zitha kukhala ndi zotsatira zanthawi yayitali pamaganizidwe anu.
Popeza adagwidwa muubwenzi wosagonana chifukwa chokonda kugonana, Mathew sanamve komanso kuchita ngati iye mochedwa. Mnzake, Sofie, adawona kuti amathera nthawi yochulukirapo pabedi lake, atadzipatula ndikudzipatula kudziko lozungulira.
Pambuyo pakuyesera kwa miyezi ingapo, adatha kumunyengerera kuti apeze chithandizo, pomwe mlangizi adatsimikiza kuti ubale wake wosagonana ndi kupsinjika maganizo zinali zogwirizana. Kusowa chochita, malingaliro opanda chiyembekezo, ndi kudzimva kukhala wopanda chidwi, zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za kupsinjika maganizo komwe kumatha chifukwa cha ubale wosagonana.
3. Kusalankhulana bwino
Chimodzi mwa zotsatira za ukwati wopanda kugonana ndichakuti ngakhale ubwenzi wanu umachepa pamene ubale wanu wapamtima ukuchepa. Mavuto olankhulana muukwati kapena ubale wa nthawi yayitali angakhalenso ena mwa zotsatira za ubale wopanda kugonana. Mukasiya kugonana ndi mnzanu, kulankhulana kumakhala kovuta kwambiri.
Zotsatira zake, kuyankhulana kwanu kumachepetsedwa ndikukambirana zofunikira zopanda kanthu monga mabilu, zofunikira, zakudya, mapulani ochezera kapena zinthu zina zatsiku ndi tsiku. Zokambirana zanu ndizongokambirana za mndandanda wa golosale kapena bilu yamagetsi. Zokambirana zina zonse zachikondi zimatuluka pawindo.
4. Kuchepetsa ubwenzi wapamtima
Muubwenzi wopanda kugonana, chikondi chanu cha m'maganizo chimakhudzidwa kwambiri chifukwa cha mtunda wanu wakuthupi. Chifukwa cha kukondana kwanu ndi kulankhulana moona mtima, chikondi chanu cha m'maganizo monga banja chimakhudzidwanso. Mumamva kusamasuka kumasukirana kapena kusonyeza zofooka zanu kwa mnzanu.
Mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya maubwenzi apamtima imalumikizidwa. Munthu akagunda, amapanga mphamvu ya domino, kugwetsa ena m'malo mwake. Musanadziŵe, ubwenzi wanu ungaoneke ngati waima pa malo osalimba.
5. Kuopsa kumodzi mwa maukwati osagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndikuyamba kugwiritsa ntchito pulogalamu yamasewera
Dr Aman akuti, "Chimodzi mwazotsatira zaposachedwa zaubwenzi zomwe ndakhala ndikuziwona mochulukirachulukira m'mabanja omwe amafikira kuti athandizidwe ndi kuthamangitsidwa kwa mapulogalamu. Anthu awiri omwe sanakumanepo amatha kulumikizana ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndikuyamba kucheza.
"Zomwe zimayamba ngati kutumizirana mameseji pafupipafupi ndi omwe amaliza maphunziro awo ndikugawana zithunzi ndi zina zabwino, ndipo pamapeto pake, amatumizirana mameseji." Zitha kuwoneka ngati njira 'yopanda vuto' yotumizira mphamvu zonse zakugonana zomwe zakhala zikuchitika.
"Ngakhale kuti ambiri akukanabe zomwe kuyanjana kumeneku kumatanthauza kapena kumabweretsa, palibe kutsutsa mfundo yakuti kuyanjana kumeneku kochokera ku mapulogalamu ndi mtundu wa chinyengo chamaganizo m'maubwenzi ndi m'mabanja."
6. Kuthaŵira ku zolaula
Drew anataya chilakolako chake chogonana pambuyo pa kubadwa kwa mwana wake wamkazi. Poyamba, mwamuna wake, Nick, ankamuthandiza kwambiri, chifukwa banjali linkaganiza kuti n’kanthawi kochepa chabe pamoyo wawo wogonana. Komabe, ndi ntchito ya juggling, kulera ndi ntchito zapakhomo, chikhumbo cha Drew cha kugonana sichinabwererenso.
Kukhala pachibwenzi chosagonana ali ndi zaka 30 kunapangitsa Nick kuti asiyane ndi mkazi wake. Anayamba kuthawira ku zolaula kuti akwaniritse zofuna zake. Kudalira kwake zolaula kunapitirizabe kukula ndi nthawi, kusanduka chizoloŵezi chokwanira. Chizoloŵezicho chinapha chikhumbo chilichonse chogonana chomwe awiriwa adachita, ndikupangitsa kuti zinthu ziipireipire.
Iwo, pamapeto pake, adapita ku chithandizo cha maanja ndipo Nick adafunafuna chithandizo pazachiwerewere padera kuti apulumutse banja lawo.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kuonera Zolaula Kunapulumutsa Ukwati Wanga - Nkhani Yeniyeni
7. Kudzikayikira
Pamene zilakolako zogonana za m'modzi zimakanidwa nthawi zonse ndi mnzake, zotsatira za ubale wosagonana zimatha kukhala kudzidalira kocheperako. Izi ndi zoona makamaka ngati wokondedwayo yemwe ali ndi chilakolako chogonana chochepa amanyoza mnzakeyo chifukwa chofuna kugonana kapena amamupangitsa kudzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu poyesa kuyambitsa chibwenzi.
Muzochitika zotere, zotsatira za ubale wopanda kugonana zimatha kubweretsa mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, ndi mkwiyo pakati pa okondedwa . Ngati sizikuthetsedwa, mavutowa akhoza kukhala oopsa pa ubale wanu ndipo adzangokulitsa ming'alu mu ubale wanu.
Chimodzi mwazotsatira zowopsa zaukwati wopanda kugonana, ndikofunikira kuthana ndi mavutowa m'modzi asanawaganizire mopambanitsa ndikutaya kudzidalira. Apa ndipamene kufunikira kwa kulankhulana kwabwino kumadza. Kuzimitsa magetsi mutanyalanyaza zoyesayesa zanu kungawononge ubale wanu kuposa momwe mukuganizira.
8. Kodi ukwati wopanda kugonana umakhudza bwanji mkazi? Kubwezera
Si nthawi zonse mwamuna amene amasiyidwa akufuna mu ubale wopanda kugonana. Equation ikhoza kusinthidwa mosavuta. Ngati amuna amakwiya chifukwa chosagonana, akazi amasonyeza chizolowezi chobwezera.
"Chinthu chinanso chosadziwika bwino komanso chaposachedwa kwambiri chomwe ndakhala ndikuchiwona ngati phungu ndi chizolowezi cha amayi kufotokoza zakugonana kwawo m'magulu ochezera a pa Intaneti monga magulu a WhatsApp a makolo ochokera kusukulu imodzi, anthu okhala m'deralo, kuntchito ndi zina zotero.
"Akazi samangogawana miyoyo yawo yogonana - kapena kusowa kwake - mwatsatanetsatane wodabwitsa komanso amapanga ma meme ndi nthabwala powononga amuna awo kapena a ena. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zotsatira za ukwati wopanda kugonana zomwe zingawoneke ngati zopanda pake koma zimatha kusanduka zoyipa mwachangu ndikuonekeranso ngati nkhani zodalirana . Nthawi zambiri, chifukwa cha mkangano kapena kusamvana, ma meme awa kapena zambiri zaumwini zimawululidwa poyera kapena kugawana ndi mwamuna.
Monganso upangiri waukwati wopanda chiwerewere kwa amuna, upangiri wanga kwa amayi ndikulankhulanso za iwo amene angapangitse kusiyana - ameneyo ndiye mnzako - osati kuwulutsa zochapira poyera," akutero Dr Aman.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ukwati wathu sunali wopanda chikondi, koma wopanda kugonana
9. Kulephera kulankhula ndi njovu m’chipindamo
Kulankhulana ndi kumvana kwapamtima kutathetsedwa, okwatirana amene ali muubwenzi wosagonana amavutika kuti athetse vutoli mwachidwi komanso moona mtima. M'kupita kwa nthawi, kugonana kumakhala mutu wovuta kwambiri kotero kuti sangathe kuulankhula popanda kugwidwa mumasewera olakwa, milandu ndi kukwapula.
Amachoka kutali ndi kugawana zomwe akuyembekezera, zokhumba ndi zomwe amakonda ndi zomwe sakonda pabedi - yomwe ndi njira yoyenera kuthana ndi mavutowa - kuti kubwereranso ku ubale wosagonana kumawoneka kosatheka.
Zotsatira za ubale wopanda kugonana zingakhale zoopsa kwa inu, payekhapayekha komanso monga banja, ngati vutoli silinathetsedwe pa nthawi yake. Kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri n'kofunikira kwambiri ngati mukuvutika ndi kutaya ubale wapamtima ndi mnzanu. Gulu lathu la alangizi aluso lili pafupi nanu.
Ibibazo
Zimatengera zifukwa zomwe chibwenzi chanu chakhala chosagonana. Ngati nonse simuli ogonana kapena mwataya chilakolako chogonana koma mumakondanabe, ndiye kuti ubale wosagonana ukhoza kukhala wathanzi.
Inde, malinga ngati kusowa kwa ubwenzi sichifukwa cha zovuta zomwe sizinathetsedwe kapena sizimayambitsa mkwiyo ndi kukhumudwa ndi m'modzi mwa okwatirana, chiyanjano chikhoza kukhalapo popanda kugonana.
Ngati mwatopa njira zonse zothetsera vutoli koma osapita patsogolo, ndipo kusowa kwa kugonana kukuwonongerani thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, ndi bwino kuchokapo.
Zina mwazotsatira zaubwenzi wosagwirizana ndi kugonana ndizowopsa kwa chibwenzi ndi kunyenga m'malingaliro, kukhumudwa, kukwiya, kukwiya, kubwezera, kusweka kwa kulumikizana komanso kufooketsa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro.
Palibe chidziwitso chodziwikiratu chonena za kuchuluka kwa maukwati opanda kugonana komwe kumatha m'chisudzulo. Komabe, pa avareji malinga ndi kafukufuku wa Huffpost, 12% ya omwe adafunsidwa adavomereza kuti kunyenga kwamalingaliro ndi thupi ndi chimodzi mwazotsatira zaukwati wopanda chiwerewere. Izi zidzakulitsanso kuchuluka kwa chisudzulo.
Ukwati Wopanda Kugonana - Kodi Pali Chiyembekezo Chilichonse?
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
