Chikondi Chokhazikika Mu Ubale: Zimatanthauza Chiyani? Zizindikiro Ndi Zitsanzo

Ngakhale kuti tonse tinamvapo za mawu akuti "chikondi chopanda malire" omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito nthawi zambiri kufotokoza nkhani zachikondi zosatha pazithunzi zathu, sitinadziwikepo za lingaliro la chikondi chokhazikika. Chikondi chokhazikika monga momwe dzina limafotokozera, chimakhalapo kuti chikwaniritse zinthu zina zopatsa chikondi. Wokondedwa m'modzi akhoza kukonda wina ngati amaliza gawo linalake, ntchito kapena nthawi zina, amangowapangitsa kumva kuti akumva bwino.

Chikondi ndi malingaliro ovuta kwambiri omwe nthawi zina amakhala ovuta kuwazindikira. Tsopano pamene tikuganizira, ndi kangati komwe takhala tikugwidwa ndi chikondi chokhazikika muubwenzi kapena chikondi chokhazikika m'banja? Kodi mosazindikira tikuyika zofunikira kwa anzathu zomwe sitingathe kuchita popanda, mwina kukwaniritsa chosowa chachikulu mkati mwathu?

Kodi Chikondi Chokhazikika Chimatanthauza Chiyani?

“Chikondi chokhazikika sichili chikondi” amanenedwa ndi anthu ambiri, koma kodi mawu ameneŵa ngowona motani?

Tanthauzo la chikondi chokhazikika ndi mtundu chabe wa chikondi chozikidwa pa mikhalidwe. Ngati zochita zina zichitika, ndiye kuti chikondi chimapezedwa kapena kuperekedwa. Ngakhale kuchita zinthu zosonyeza chikondi chokhazikika kumatha kubweretsa zovuta zingapo, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa bwino za chikondi chokhazikika muubwenzi mothandizidwa ndi zitsanzo za chikondi chokhazikika.

• "Mwana, ndidzakhala wokondwa komanso wonyadira za iwe, pokhapokha ngati upambana mpikisano wopambana"
• "Ukudziwa kuti ndingakhale ndi iwe moona mtima kokha ngati utandigulira mphete ndi nyumba yathu"
• “Mundisiye kapena musiye khalidwe lotere, mukundichititsa manyazi”
• "Ndidzakuona ngati mwana wanga ukangoyendetsa bizinesi yanga"
• “Ukudziwa kuti ndikanakonda ukanakhala kuti sunalankhule zambiri nthawi zonse”
• “Ndikhulupira kuti umandikondadi ukangonditumizira chithunzi cholaula”

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Munthu akapangidwa kumverera kuti akuyenera kuwoloka malo enaake ofufuzira kapena chopinga kuti alandire chikondi ndi kuvomerezedwa, chikondi chokhazikika chimakhala pamasewera, chomwe chilipo osati mu maubwenzi a okwatirana okha komanso mwa makolo ndi ana, abale, ndi zina zotero.

Kunena zotetezeka kunena kuti chikondi chimakhala chokhazikika koma chikondi chokhazikika chikhoza kukhala chochepa kwambiri, ndipo nthawi zambiri chimatha kuwoneka ngati chongochitika, chachiphamaso, chankhanza komanso chowongolera. Zitha kuyambitsa zowawa zambiri, kupsinjika maganizo komanso kusokonezeka maganizo, makamaka kwa wokondedwa yemwe amakondedwa.

Koma kachiwiri, pa ubale uliwonse, anthu amasiyana komanso mgwirizano wawo umasiyana. Ngakhale chikondi chokhazikika muzochitika zina chitha kugwira ntchito ngati chithumwa, kwa ena, nthawi zina kuyika zinthu kungathandize. Koma nthawi zina zimatha kukhala zosokoneza kapena gwero lalikulu la zoopsa kutengera momwe zilili.

Tisanapitirire kuzizindikiro zokayikitsa zosonyeza kuti muli mu chikondi chokhazikika, choyamba tifotokoze za chikondi chopanda malire.

Kodi Chikondi Chopanda Makhalidwe Chimatanthauza Chiyani?

Kodi chikondi chopanda malire ndi chiyani koma kukonda mopanda malire ndikupereka chithandizo chokhazikika pazovuta ndi zoonda ndi malingaliro omveka bwino a munthu amene mumamukonda? Lingaliro la kuvomereza mphamvu zawo ndi zofooka zawo ndi kukonda mbali zonse za iwo popanda mikhalidwe ina iliyonse, popanda ngati kapena koma, chikondi chopanda malire chomwe sichifunikira kuthamangitsidwa kapena kugonjetsedwera. Chikondi chopanda malire ndi chopanda dyera, zimaperekedwa kwaulere.

Ngakhale kuti chikondi chopanda malire ndi chomwe tiyenera kuyesetsa kuti tikwaniritse tokha, chingakhale chopusitsa pankhani ya anthu ena. Chikondi chopanda malire kwa munthu wolakwika chingabweretsenso zowawa zambiri ndi chisokonezo ngati sichikugwirizana ndi malire abwino.

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Tsopano popeza taphunzira za tanthauzo la ubale wachikondi wokhazikika, tiyeni tiyese kudziwa momwe izi zitha kukhala zovuta kwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri. Izi ndi zizindikiro za chikondi chokhazikika muubwenzi.

Ngakhale ambiri aife timakhala ndi zosokoneza kapena zofiira zomwe sitingathe kuzinyalanyaza ndikulankhulana ndi anzathu pamene ubale ukukula. Zingakhale zovuta kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la izi, kodi zimavulaza kwambiri kuposa zabwino?

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Ngakhale kuti kulankhulana ndi chinthu chachikulu chomwe chimakhudza momwe ubale umakhalira, zimayenera kupita patali bwanji kuti zisinthe kukhala ubale wachikondi wokhazikika?

Zizindikiro zofiira za ubale wachikondi wokhazikika ndi izi:

1. Simukuchita bwino m'maganizo

Mwakhala mukuvutika nokha kwakanthawi ndipo simukudziwa momwe mungakhalire pachibwenzi. Inu kumamatira ku monyanyira, kukhala mwina kutali kwambiri kapena kumamatira kwambiri, ndi ziyembekezo mkulu kwa mnzanuyo makamaka “kupulumutsani inu” komabe abwino palokha kulibe. Codependency ikhoza kukhala yakupha ubale. Wokondedwa wanu sangasinthe thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, inu nokha mungathe kuchita zimenezo.

2. Wokondedwa wanu ndi woweruza kwambiri

Zimakuvutani kugawana malingaliro anu oona mtima ndi malingaliro anu pamaso pa mnzanuyo chifukwa choopa kubwezera kapena mawu opweteka. Nthawi zonse mumamva ngati mukuyenera kulowa mugulu linalake kapena gulu molingana ndi iwo kapena kuti malingaliro anu alibe phindu lililonse. Mukuchita mantha kuti amakuweruzani ndikunena za inu kumbuyo kwawo.

3. Wokondedwa wanu amasunga mfundo

Ndizosaphula kanthu kutsutsana pamisonkhano ingapo ya "Ndinakuchitirani izi" ndi "Ndinakuuzani". Kukakamira kusewera masewera olakwa sikungathetse vutoli. Kufika muzu ndikukambirana momwe mungatulutsire mayankho a inu nonse ndikofunikira.

4. Ndiwe wosatetezeka

Simukhulupirira mnzanuyo ndipo mumakonda kumawonetsa kusatetezeka kwanu kwa iwo. Mumayesetsa kulamulira khalidwe lawo, kuwononga ubwenzi wanu komanso mnzanu amene akuyesera kuchita zabwino mwa inu.

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5. Mnzako amakuona ngati wothawa

Mukuwona ubalewo ngati kuthawa dziko lodzaza ndi mavuto omwe mungafune kuwathawa. Mwachitsanzo, mumawakakamiza kuti azitha kuyendetsa bwino nthawi ndi moyo wawo molingana ndi moyo wanu, kapena mnzanuyo akuyembekezera kuti mugule chikondi chawo ndi mphatso ndi chuma chamtengo wapatali.

6. Ndinu wofuna kuchita zinthu mwangwiro

Muli ndi nthawi yovuta kusiya lingaliro la ubale wangwiro kuti mumatha kumvetsera kwambiri zinthu zazing'ono ndi zina pamene mukutaya nthawi yogawana ndi chisamaliro, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wofunika. Mumavutika kusiya lingaliro la ungwiro kuti mutsatire njira yabwino kwambiri yopita ku ubale wokhala ndi zabwino ndi zolakwika. Inu gwirani zingwe mosawoneka mbali iliyonse za zisankho ndi zokambirana.

7. Simudzakhala wabwino mokwanira

Ndi zokambirana ndi mkangano uliwonse, amawonetsa momwe simungayesere, momwe mumasowa nthawi zonse ndipo samavomereza mbali yabwino, nthawi zonse akudalira kusagwirizana ndi zomwe zikusowa. Mumakhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse komanso kupsinjika, ndipo, mkati mwanu, kudzikayikira kumawonekera. Mumakondedwa pokhapokha mutadzitsimikizira nokha.

8. Simungathe kulankhulana momasuka

Ngakhale kuti m'modzi amafuna kuti azikondana, winayo sangathe kufotokoza momwe akumvera ndikuvomereza zomwe wina wanena, kaya chifukwa cha mantha kapena kupewa. Ndikofunika kuti onse awiri azikhala omasuka kuti azilankhulana kapena chibwenzicho sichikhalitsa.

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9. Simudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi mikangano mwakukhwima

Mwinamwake munakulira pakati pa akuluakulu omwe sanaphunzire luso la kutsutsa kolimbikitsa. Iwo analibe maganizo nzeru kapena kuleza mtima kusonkhanitsa maganizo awo ndi kuyankha m'malo mosamala ndipo inu kuchita chimodzimodzi. Mwina mungayambitsidwe ndipo pamapeto pake mumafuula mokwiya kapena kulira kapena kuzimitsa mwachibadwa. Simukuzindikiranso kuti pali njira zabwinoko zothanirana ndi izi pomwe mbali zonse zimamverera kuti ndizovomerezeka ndikuvomerezedwa.

10. Okondedwa wanu samakuthandizani monga momwe mumachitira

Wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse amayembekeza kuti mukhale wothandizira maganizo ndi makhalidwe abwino koma sakhalapo kwa inu pamene mukuwafuna. Izi ndizochitika pakati pa kumvera chisoni ndi kudzidalira komanso munthu wamatsenga muubwenzi. Narcissists alibe chifundo.

Chikondi Chokhazikika VS Chikondi Chopanda malire

Tsopano popeza tadziwa chomwe chili chikondi chopanda malire ndi chikondi chopanda malire, tiyeni tiwone kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa chikondi chopanda malire ndi chopanda malire:

1. Kudalira pa mikhalidwe

Kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa chikondi chokhazikika ndi chopanda malire ndi kukhalapo kwa 'ngati' ndi 'zilibe kanthu. Ngakhale kuti chikondi chokhazikika nthawi zambiri chimaphatikizapo mikhalidwe ndi zofunikira za kufunitsitsa kukonda. Nthawi zonse pali chofunikira 'ngati mikhalidwe iyi yakwaniritsidwa.' Pakadali pano, chikondi chopanda malire chilibe zofunikira zotere, m'modzi amapitiliza kukonda mnzake 'zivute zitani' mwaufulu. popanda mikhalidwe ina iliyonse.

2. Kukhulupirira ndi kukhazikika

Pankhani ya chikondi chopanda malire, onse awiri amamva kukhala odalirika komanso okhazikika muubwenzi wawo chifukwa amatha kulankhulana momasuka popanda zofunikira kapena mikhalidwe, zomwe zimawapangitsa kuti azilumikizana kwambiri popanda mantha. Kumbali ina, chikondi chokhazikika chimapangitsa m'modzi kukhala wopanikizika komanso kuchita mantha ndi zomwe mnzakeyo angachite chifukwa amada nkhawa kuti ngati satha kulongosola mikhalidweyo ndikukwaniritsa, zotsatira zake zitha kukhala zoyipa. Manthawa muubwenzi angayambitse kusatetezeka komanso kusakhazikika kwa onse awiri.

3. Chiphunzitso cha chikondi

Chiphunzitso cha katatu cha chikondi chinapangidwa ndi Robert Sternberg, ponena za maubwenzi aumwini. Zigawo zitatu za chikondi, molingana ndi chiphunzitso cha katatu, ndi gawo la chiyanjano, chigawo cha chilakolako, ndi gawo la chisankho / kudzipereka. Zigawo zonse zitatu za ubwenzi, kudzipereka ndi chilakolako zimapezeka mu chikondi chopanda malire komabe chikondi chokhazikika chikhoza kukhala ndi chilakolako kapena ubwenzi kapena chisakanizo cha zonsezi.

4. Kukhutira ndi kuvomereza

Chikondi chopanda malire chili ndi mulingo wovomerezeka womwe sungathe kufananizidwa ndi chikondi chokhazikika. Mmodzi amavomereza winayo ndikumvetsetsa bwino za kuthekera kwake, zowawa ndi zovuta zake, komabe amawakonda ndikuwathandiza pazonsezo. Onse omwe ali muubwenziwu akumva kukhutitsidwa komanso otetezeka. Mu chikondi chokhazikika, kukhutira kumaperekedwa ngati mikhalidwe ndi ziyembekezo za wokondedwa zakwaniritsidwa zomwe sizingatheke nthawi zonse. Kuvomereza apa kumagonjetsedwa ndi kusalinganika.

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5. Kusamvana pakati pa okondedwa

Kuthana ndi mikangano ndi kusagwirizana mu chikondi chokhazikika ndikosiyana kwambiri ndi chikondi chopanda malire. Mu chikondi chopanda malire, okwatirana akhoza kukangana koma nthawi zonse pofuna kusunga chiyanjano. Kumbali inayi, mikangano yachikondi yokhazikika imatha kuwononga ubale kwambiri popeza okwatirana amakangana m'malo mopeza yankho limodzi. Kukhala njira zamphamvu zothetsera mikangano ndizofunikira za kupulumuka kwa ubale.

6. Maonedwe otseguka ndi okhazikika

Othandizana nawo mu chikondi chopanda malire amakhala osinthika komanso omasuka ku malingaliro atsopano omwe mwina sanawaganizirepo kale. Maubwenzi otere amakhazikika pa kuvomerezana, kumasuka ndi maganizo a 'ife'. Othandizana nawo amatha kulankhula momveka bwino za mavuto awo ndi nkhawa zawo. Mu chikondi chokhazikika, nkhaniyi ndi yosiyana. Othandizana nawo amakhala otsekedwa kwambiri ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhala patali. Safuna kumangokhalira kukamba nkhani zimene zingayambitse ndewu chifukwa cha mantha kapena chifukwa cha maganizo amene anali nawo kale. Makoma ali mmwamba ndipo zokambirana zenizeni zikusowa.

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Tanthauzo la chikondi chopanda malire ndi tanthauzo la chikondi chokhazikika zonse zakhudzidwa. Ngakhale kuti chikondi chopanda malire ndi chopanda malire chimakhala ndi ubwino ndi zovuta zake, kusakaniza koyenera kwa awiriwa ndiko njira yabwino kwambiri yopezera ubale wabwino.

Monga nkhani ya munthu amene amazindikira kuti chikondi sichiri chokhudza zinthu zazikulu, ndi za kudzipereka kwanu pamodzi tsiku lililonse. Ndipamene chikondi chopanda malire chimakumana ndi chikondi chokhazikika.

Ibibazo

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.