17 Zizindikiro Zakufa Za Munthu Wakhanda Ndi Momwe Mungachitire

Ngati munamvapo ngati mukuchita chibwenzi ndi mwana wamwamuna, mukudziwa momwe izi zingakhumudwitse komanso kutopetsa. Mwina mumadzipeza mukukweza masokisi ake onyansa pamene akusewera masewera apakanema, kapena nthawi zonse ndinu amene mumamupepesa akamamukwiyitsa pang'ono. Simuli nokha amene mukukumana ndi izi. Mwatsoka, zizindikiro za mwamuna wosakhwima zimaonekera m'maubwenzi ambiri. Mwachitsanzo, taganizirani za mayi uyu pa Reddit , yemwe akudandaula kuti, "Chibwenzi changa sichichita chilichonse m'nyumba, sichifuna kutchuka, ndipo ndimamva ngati amayi ake."

Mukakakamira mu mphamvu imeneyo, zimakhala zosavuta kumva ngati kholo osati ngati mnzanu. Pakapita nthawi, kusakhwima maganizo kumakula kuchoka pa kukhala chinthu chokhumudwitsa mpaka kukhala chinthu chowononga ubale. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti mnzanu wosakhwima maganizo angawononge chimwemwe chanu. Bungwe la Gottman Institute likuchenjeza kuti amuna kapena zibwenzi zosakhwima nthawi zambiri zimapangitsa kuti muvutike kwambiri mu ubale, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti musamasangalale komanso musamavutike maganizo.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake zimakhala kofunika kuzindikira zizindikiro za kusakhwima maganizo mwa mwamuna ndi kulingalira zomwe mungachite, kulephera kuthetsa zinthu ndi kuchokapo, ngati mukupeza kuti muli paubwenzi wotere. M'nkhaniyi, tikuwunikira zizindikiro zakupha za 17 za munthu wosakhwima ndi momwe mungachitire ndi wina, mothandizidwa ndi chidziwitso cha akatswiri a maganizo, akatswiri, ndi amayi omwe akhala mu nsapato zanu. 

Udindo Wa Kukhwima Mu Ubale

N’chifukwa chiyani kukhwima maganizo kuli kofunika kwambiri m’chikondi? Mwachidule, bwenzi lokhwima limapanga maziko a ubale wokhazikika, wachikondi pamene wosakhwima akhoza kusintha moyo wanu kukhala rollercoaster maganizo. Kukhwima maganizo ndi pafupi zaka; ndi luso lotha kuthana ndi malingaliro, kulankhulana momasuka, ndi kuyankha zochita za munthu. Munkhani yachikondi, izi zimamasulira kudalira, ulemu, ndi kukhazikika. 

Mlangizi wa mabanja Samantha Burns akufotokoza kuti, “Kusakhwima m’maganizo kungasonyeze kusadziwa bwino momwe munthu akumvera, kulephera kulankhulana ndi kukonza zinthu zokhudzana ndi ubale, komanso kusamvera chisoni komanso kusatha kumvetsetsa zomwe mnzanuyo akukumana nazo.”

Kumbali ina, kukhwima m'malingaliro kumamanga chidaliro, chitetezo, ndi kulumikizana kozama. Katswiri wa zachipatala Tya Camellia Stone, LMFT, akuti, "Chizindikiro choyamba cha kupambana mu ubale uliwonse ndi kukhwima maganizo." Anthu onse akakhala okhwima, mumaona kuti ndinu otetezeka moti simungathe kukhala pachiopsezo. Mukudziwa kuti mutha kudalirana wina ndi mnzake. Mikangano imachitikabe, koma mumakambirana modekha ndikuphunzira kuchokera kwa iwo, m'malo mokuwa kapena kumenyetsa zitseko.

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Mosiyana ndi izi, kusakhwima kumafooketsa zinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wolimba. Mwamuna wosakhwima akhoza kukukondani m'njira yakeyake, koma amavutika kuti awoneke ngati mnzake wofanana naye. Angapse mtima mwachibwana akamasemphana maganizo kapena amasiya moyo ukafika povuta. M'malo molankhulana moona mtima ndi kugwirira ntchito limodzi, mumapeza masewera odzudzula, kukwiya, kapena kukhala chete. Pakapita nthawi, chisokonezo ichi chimasokoneza mgwirizano wanu. Zimakhala zovuta kukhala otetezeka ndi munthu yemwe angakuvulazeni kapena kutha pa inu nthawi zonse pamene maganizo akuchulukirachulukira.

Kusakhwima kumakupatsaninso maudindo omwe simunalembepo. Mutha kudzipeza ndinu "kholo" muubwenzi, kumukumbutsa zaudindo wofunikira, kuyanjanitsa mikangano yake, kapena kulekerera zomwe mukudziwa kuti ndizosavomerezeka. Ochiritsa amatchula zamphamvu izi ngati matenda a Peter Pan, pomwe bwenzi limodzi limakakamira paunyamata wamuyaya. 

"Ngati mnzanuyo ndi Peter Pan, mungakhale Wendy," akulemba motero Marni Feuerman. Mungalimbikitse khalidweli mosazindikira mwa kutenga udindo wa kholo. Koma vuto n’lakuti, kucheza ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ngati mayi n’kumene kumachititsa kuti mutope kwambiri ndiponso kuti muipidwe. 

Pamapeto pake, kukhwima ndi maziko a ubale wabwino . Zimatanthauza kuti mungadalire mnzanu kuti aziganizira momwe mukumvera, kugwira ntchito limodzi, komanso kuthana ndi mavuto ndi zovuta za moyo mwaulemu. Ngati zimenezo sizikusoweka, chikondi sichikwanira kutseka kusiyana. Mavuto ang'onoang'ono amasanduka nkhani zazikulu. Mumathera poyenda pa zipolopolo za mazira, nthawi zonse mukuyesera kupewa kusokonekera kwina kapena kudabwa ngati mukupempha zambiri. Ndi vuto lopweteka - koma kuzindikira zizindikiro zofiira ndi sitepe yoyamba yopita ku kusintha.

17 Zizindikiro Zakufa Za Mwamuna Wachibwana Mu Ubale 

Kukhwima kwa munthu, kapena kusowa kwake, kumasonyeza m’zochita zake zonse. Chifukwa chake, zizindikiro za mwamuna wosakhwima sizingakhale zobisika kwa nthawi yayitali mukakhala pachibwenzi. Ngati mukuwona kuti mukuyang'ana momwe mnzanuyo amachitira kapena kuwafunsa kuti "akule" nthawi zambiri, mvetserani. Mutha kuona zina kapena zambiri mwa zizindikiro za kusakhwima maganizo mwa mwamuna wanu:

1. Amakhala m'nthawi ino yokha

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kusakhwima mwa mwamuna ndi kusowa kokonzekera mtsogolo, kaya ndi ntchito yake, kukhazikika kwachuma, kapena zochitika zazikulu muubwenzi . Angasinthe kuchoka kuntchito kupita kuntchito kapena kukhala ndi zolinga zochepa kapena zopanda cholinga kupitirira mapulani a kumapeto kwa sabata. Mudzazindikira kuti akuzengereza kukambirana kapena kukhazikitsa zolinga monga kusamukira limodzi, ukwati, kapena ngakhale tchuthi miyezi ingapo yotsatira. Khalidwe lakuti "kukhala ndi moyo nthawi yomweyo" likhoza kumveka losangalatsa poyamba, koma limakhala lokhumudwitsa mukamayesetsa kumanga moyo pamodzi, ndipo iye sakugwirizana nalo.

Nthawi zambiri, kusowa kwa mapulani amtsogolo kumayendera limodzi ndi udindo wosauka m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku. Mwina amadalirabe makolo kapena anthu ena kuti zinthu zimuyendere bwino. Mukudziwa kuti ndi munthu wosakhwima akuyenda mopanda cholinga pamoyo ngati, 

• Amasonyeza kusowa kwa chikhumbo ndipo amavutika kuti agwire ntchito yokhazikika kapena njira ya ntchito
• Sanaganizirepo zosunga ndalama, kugula nyumba, kapena kupanga zosankha za anthu akuluakulu azandalama
• Amakhala ndi moyo wolipidwa kapena amasangalala kufunafuna chithandizo kuchokera kwa achibale, abwenzi, ngakhalenso bwenzi lake, pafupipafupi.
• Amachita nthabwala kuti sakula kapena amadzitcha "mzimu waufulu" kupeŵa maudindo akuluakulu

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2. Kuopa kudzipereka

Kuopa kudzipereka ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za kusakhwima maganizo muubwenzi. Mudzazindikira kuopa kudzipereka kumeneku kudzera mu machitidwe opewera. Mwachitsanzo, angasinthe nkhani kapena kuseka mukadzayambitsa mapulani amtsogolo ngati banja. Angatchule zokambirana zazikulu ngati "sewero" kapena kunena kuti, "Bwanji sitingasangalale ndi zomwe tili nazo tsopano?" Ngakhale kuti ndibwino kusapupuluma, mwamuna wokhwima maganizo adzakhala wokonzeka kukambirana za komwe chibwenzicho chidzayendere. Komabe, wosakhwima, amaona kudzipereka ngati msampha. Izi zimakusiyani mu mkhalidwe wosatsimikizika nthawi zonse, ndikudabwa ngati mukuwononga nthawi yanu chifukwa,

• Amasunga zinthu mosadziwika bwino
• Akhoza kulonjeza "tsiku lina" koma sadzachitapo kanthu kuti akwaniritse
• Ali ndi zibwenzi zazifupi m'mbuyomu

3. Kusayang'ana pazachuma komanso kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama mopanda phindu

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro 17 zakupha za munthu wosakhwima ndi momwe amachitira ndi chuma chake. Chizindikiro chimodzi ndi kuwononga ndalama mopanda phindu: kugula zipangizo zamtengo wapatali, zinthu zapamwamba, kapena kuchita maphwando opitirira malire ake, m'malo molipira ngongole kapena kusunga zinthu zofunika kwambiri. Kodi mnzanuyo amalipiranso zoseweretsa ndi usiku, kuti abwereke ndalama za lendi? Kodi amapewa kupanga bajeti kapena kubweza ngongole pogula zinthu mwachisawawa? 

Inde, ndithudi mukukumana ndi vuto la kusakhwima kwa mnzanu. Makhalidwe oipa amenewa amachokera ku kusowa kudziletsa komanso kusaganizira bwino zamtsogolo. Kukhala wopanda nzeru pazachuma sikungovulaza chikwama chake chokha, kumakhudza inu ndi kukhazikika kwa ubale wanu . Ngati nthawi zonse mumafunika kumuphimba kapena simungamudalire kuti apereke ndalama zofanana, mkwiyo udzakula.

Akuluakulu odalirika amamvetsetsa kuti kugwiritsa ntchito bwino ndalama ndi gawo lopanga tsogolo. Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, mnyamata wamng'ono akhoza kunena kuti "YOLO" ngati chowiringula chophwanyira ndikunyalanyaza zotsatira zake. Akhoza kuyembekezera kuti ena atengerepo pamene wawononga kwambiri.

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4. Kusasunthika kwamalingaliro ndi kuphulika pamikangano

Akuluakulu okhwima amasunga kusagwirizana kwawo, koma mwamuna wosakhwima nthawi zambiri amamenyana ndi zonyansa kapena amaphulika pazinthu zazing'ono. Ngati mnzanuyo akukhala wosadziŵika bwino, wouma khosi, kapena wodzionetsera pamene mukukangana, zindikirani. Kusakhwima mu mikangano kumatha kuwoneka ngati, 

• Kufuula
• Kuitana mayina
• Kutuluka mwachangu
• Kuukira kwaumwini 
• Chitetezo 

Feuerman anati: “Kukambitsirana kwatanthauzo ndi mwamuna wosakhwima m’mikangano kungakhale kovuta.” Nthaŵi zambiri amadalira mawu otukwana ang’onoang’ono. Mutha kupeza kuti nthawi iliyonse mukayesa kuthana ndi vuto, amadzitchinjiriza kapena amatembenuza script. Mwina mumabweretsa china chaching'ono, monga "Zinandikwiyitsa kuti mwaletsa mapulani athu mphindi yatha", ndipo mwadzidzidzi akukutchani "wopenga" kapena "womvera chisoni kwambiri." 

M'modzi mwa a Redditor anafotokoza izi ngati "kusafuna kusiya kukhala 'wolondola' pamene mwakhumudwitsa wina mwangozi ... wosakhwima komanso wokwiyitsa." M'malo momvetsera, munthu wosakhwima adzadzikuza kwambiri ponena kuti ndi wolondola, ngakhale zitakhala kuti zikukupwetekani. Ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kusakhwima kwa malingaliro pamene sangathe kukambirana nkhani modekha ndipo m'malo mwake amasintha mkangano uliwonse kukhala malo omenyera nkhondo.

5. Sapepesa kapena kuvomereza zolakwa

Munthu wamkulu wodziwa bwino ntchito yake anganene kuti, “Pepani, ndinalakwitsa.” Koma mwamuna wosakhwima sadziimba mlandu. Ngati mwamuna wanu akana kupepesa moona mtima, kapena choipa kwambiri, akuyamba kudzudzula munthu wina , ndi chizindikiro choipa. Burns akuti, “Munthu wosakhwima maganizo sangafune kuvomereza pamene walakwitsa ndipo angayesenso kudzudzula ena.” Ali ndi zifukwa zambiri zodzikhululukira nthawi iliyonse pamene chinachake chili cholakwika chawo.

Mwachitsanzo, tinene kuti anaiwala tsiku lanu lobadwa. Mwamuna wokhwima maganizo angapepese kwambiri. Wosakhwima maganizo anganene kuti, “Ukanandikumbutsa, si mlandu wanga! Kapena akakukhumudwitsani, angakuyankheni kuti, “Ndiwe wamanyazi kwambiri.” M'maganizo mwake, nthawi zonse zimakhala zolakwa za wina, osati zake. 

Kusintha kumeneku kumakupangitsani kumva kuti simunamvepo komanso kukhumudwa chifukwa malingaliro anu ndi opanda pake. Mwinanso mungayambe kukayikira nokha, kudabwa ngati ndinu vuto, pamene kwenikweni, akungopeŵa kuyankha.

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6. Palibe mbiri ya ubale wabwino wanthawi yayitali

Zizindikiro za kusakhwima m'malingaliro sizimawonekera kokha m'njira yomwe munthu akuchitira pakali pano, komanso m'mbuyomu. Mbali imodzi yodziwika bwino ndi mbiri ya ubale wake. Kodi adakhalapo ndi ubale wolimba, wodzipereka womwe udapitilira gawo la honeymoon? Ngati maubwenzi ake onse am'mbuyomu anali akanthawi kochepa kapena ongoyerekeza, zitha kuwonetsa kusakhwima m'malingaliro. Inde, mbiri ya aliyense ndi yosiyana ndipo kusakhala ndi munthu wakale wakale si mlandu. Koma ngati ali wamkulu ndipo monyadira amalengeza kuti sanakhalepo "womangidwa" kapena amalankhula za anthu omwe ali ndi chibwenzi mopanda ulemu, ndizokhudza. Ichi ndichifukwa chake:

• Ma exes onse ndi "openga": Pamene mnzanu aliyense wakale akufotokozedwa kuti ndi wamisala, wokakamira, kapena wolakwa, ndiye mbendera yofiira. Anthu okhwima m'malingaliro samanyoza onse omwe ali kale; mwamuna wosakhwima amachita zimenezi kupeŵa kuvomereza udindo wake m’kusudzulana
• Palibe mapangano a nthawi yayitali: Sanakhalepo pachibwenzi chomwe chinatha miyezi ingapo, kapena nthawi zonse mwachisawawa "chibwenzi" popanda cholinga chochita. Zitha kuwonetsa kuti ali ndi ngongole ngati zinthu zikufunika ntchito kapena kuya
• Kupanda kukula kwamalingaliro: Mukamufunsa zomwe adaphunzira kuchokera ku maubwenzi akale, amajambulapo kanthu kapena amapereka nthabwala. Sizichitika kwa iye kufufuza machitidwe ake kapena malingaliro ake. Kusayang'ana uku kumatanthauza kuti akhoza kubwereza zolakwika zomwezo

7. Khalidwe lodzikonda komanso lodzikuza

Kodi zimamveka ngati dziko likuzungulira iye? Amuna osakhwima nthawi zambiri amangoganizira za iwo okha. Angasonyeze chidwi chochepa kwenikweni m’malingaliro anu kapena malingaliro anu, m’malo mwake ayambitse kukambirana kulikonse kwa iye mwini. Zosowa zanu zimakonda kukhala kumbuyo chifukwa amaika patsogolo chitonthozo chake ndi kudzikonda nthawi zonse. 

M'malingaliro, izi zitha kukhala ngati chizolowezi chodzikonda, koma ngakhale popanda kudziwa chomwe chikukuchitikira, zimakhala zotopetsa kwambiri kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu wodzikonda kwambiri. Munthu wodzikonda kwambiri akhoza,

• Amakusokonezani pafupipafupi
• Pangani zisankho unilaterally
• Kukhumudwa pamene iye sali pakati pa chidwi
• Kupanda chifundo
• Khalani ndi kufunikira kofunikira kuti mupambane ndikuvomerezedwa

Mwachitsanzo, ngati muli ndi chipambano kapena chowonekera, mmalo mokondwera nanu, akhoza kumva kuti akuwopsezedwa kapena kukwiya. Angayesenso kuwonjezera nkhani zanu kapena kusintha malingaliro anu m'njira iliyonse, kuphatikiza kukuwopsezani kapena kukwiya. Kukhala ndi munthu wotere kumakupangitsani kudzimva kukhala wosaoneka komanso wosafunika.

8. Kulephera kudziletsa

Impulsivity ndi chikhalidwe chofala mwa ana, ndipo mosadabwitsa, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro 17 zakupha za mwamuna wosakhwima. Ngati mnzanu achita zofuna zake popanda kuganizira zotsatira zake, ndi chizindikiro chodetsa nkhawa. Izi zitha kukhudza machitidwe osiyanasiyana: 

• Amanena kapena kuchita zinthu “osaganiza”: Nthawi zambiri amanena kuti, "Sindinaganize, ndinangochita." Izi zitha kukhala kuchokera kukulankhula mwachipongwe mukakhumudwa mpaka kusintha moyo wanu mwamwayi
• Ali ndi vuto ndi machitidwe kapena mapangano: Akhoza kunyalanyaza zolinga zake chifukwa china chosangalatsa chinabwera, osaganizira malingaliro anu. Kapena sangathe kumamatira kuzinthu zazitali chifukwa amatopa mosavuta ndikuthamangitsa chilichonse chonyezimira chomwe chimamugwira tsiku limenelo.
• Iye akuwonetsa makhalidwe omwe angakhale osasamala: Nthawi zina, kuchita zinthu mopupuluma kumafikira kumalo owopsa monga kuyendetsa galimoto mosasamala, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kapena kuchita zinthu zina zoopsa. Anthu osakhwima maganizo kaŵirikaŵiri amafunafuna zokhutiritsa nthaŵi yomweyo, akumanyalanyaza ngozi zimene zingachitike kwa nthaŵi yaitali

Katswiri wa zaubwenzi Esther Perel anati: “Munthu wosakhwima maganizo sangaugwire mtima ndipo sangathe kuugwira mtima.” M’mbali imeneyi tingamuyerekezere ndi ana.

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9. Kupezerera anzawo kapena kuchita mantha

Zingamveke ngati zonyanyira, koma amuna ena osakhwima amayamba kuchita zinthu zonyoza, makamaka amuna omwe sadzidalira kapena omwe sadziona kuti ndi olamulira. Izi sizitanthauza nthawi zonse nkhanza zakuthupi, ngakhale kuti zimatha kufika pamenepo; nthawi zambiri zimawoneka ngati kunyoza mawu, kuseka komwe kumadutsa malire, kapena khalidwe lopondereza kuti akwaniritse chifuniro chake. Ngati mnzanu nthawi zambiri amakupangitsani kumva ngati wamng'ono, wamantha, kapena wozunzidwa, chimenecho ndi chizindikiro chachikulu osati cha kusakhwima kokha komanso poizoni. Mwachitsanzo,

• Akhoza kunyoza zomwe mwakwaniritsa kapena zokonda zanu ngati zopusa, kungofuna kunena kuti ndinu wamkulu
• Akakhumudwa akhoza kukunyozani podziwa kuti zingamupweteke 
• M’kagulu kagulu, angayese kukulamulirani kapena kukuchititsani manyazi pamaso pa ena

Makhalidwe amenewa nthawi zambiri amachokera ku kusatetezeka kwambiri. Amamva kuti ndi wamkulu popangitsa ena kudzimva kuti ndi ang'ono. Mwamuna wokhwima ndi wodzidalira sayenera kuvutitsa okondedwa ake. Komabe, wovutitsayo wosakhwima, sanaphunzire njira zabwino zothanirana ndi malingaliro ake. Feuerman anachenjeza kuti: “Akhoza kukuchitirani mwano ndi kukuvutitsani kuti mudzimve bwino.” Ngati mwamuna wanu nthaŵi zonse amakuukirani ndi kukupezererani, mwina mungakhale pachibwenzi ndi munthu wosakhwima maganizo.

10. Iye ndi wosamvera wosamvera

Kulankhulana ndiye maziko a ubale wabwino , ndipo kuyenera kukhala njira yolumikizirana. Ngati mwamuna wanu sakumvetserani, nthawi zonse amakusokonezani, kapena kunyalanyaza zomwe mukunena, ndi chizindikiro cha kusakhwima m'maganizo. Mnzanu wokhwima amaona kuti maganizo anu ndi ofunika ndipo amafuna kukumvetsetsani. Koma wosakhwima, amakunyalanyazani kapena amayembekezera nthawi yake yoti alankhule.

Dzifunseni kuti: Kodi mumamva muubwenzi wanu? Ngati nthawi zonse mumayenera kudzibwereza nokha, kapena mumadulidwa pakati pa chiganizo, sikungokhala khalidwe loipa, zimasonyeza kusakulemekezani. Mnzake wosakhwima angathenso kumvetsera mwachisawawa: amamva zomwe akufuna, makamaka ngati ndi zomutamanda kapena zokhudza iye, koma chilichonse chimene chimafuna chifundo kapena khama chimapita ku khutu limodzi ndi kutuluka lina. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kusamvetsera bwino kumabweretsa kusamvana kwakukulu ndi kudzimva kukhala patali. Mutha kusiya kumuuza zakukhosi chifukwa zomwe zinakuchitikirani zimakuuzani kuti "palibe chifukwa - sangamvetserebe."

11. Ndi njira yake kapena msewu waukulu

Kusakhwima m'malingaliro nthawi zambiri kumapangitsa anthu kukhala osasinthasintha komanso kulephera kuika zofuna za wokondedwa wawo patsogolo, ngakhale mwa apo ndi apo. Izi zikutanthawuza kuti sakufuna kuyanjana bwino, kusintha kuti apeze malo omwe mumakonda, zomwe simukonda, ndi zomwe mumakonda, kapena kuika patsogolo inu ndi ubale wanu. 

Katswiri wa zaubwenzi April Davis anati, “Mutha kuzindikira khalidweli pamene wina akukana kukumana pakati pa awiriwo ndikuyamba kunama, kukuimbani mlandu, kapena kukupangitsani kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa kuti apeze zomwe akufuna.” Ngati kusamvana kutha nthawi zonse ndi iye akuumirira molimba mtima kuti athetse vuto lake kapena kukwiya ngati sakumvetsa, limenelo ndi vuto. Pakapita nthawi, mumaona kuti zomwe mumakonda sizili zofunika; nthawi zonse zimafuna kumuthandiza. Kusasinthasintha koteroko komanso kusowa chithandizo kungakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu nokha muubwenzi.

12. Chizoloŵezi chonama ndi kusaona mtima

Mabodza, ngakhale ang'onoang'ono, amatha kusokoneza kwambiri ubale. Ngati mwamuna wanu amanama nthawi zonse, kuti apewe mavuto kapena kuti aziwoneka bwino, ndi chizindikiro cha kusakhwima. M'malo molimbana ndi zenizeni ndi zotsatira zake, amatenga njira yachibwana ya fibbing. Izi zitha kukhala,

• Mabodza ang'onoang'ono pafupipafupi: Amanama pa zinthu zomwe sizikuwoneka ngati zofunikira, monga zomwe anali kuchita, yemwe anali naye, chifukwa chake adachedwa. Mabodza osafunikirawa akuwonetsa reflex kuti apewe udindo uliwonse kapena kuwonongeka kwa chithunzi. Mwachitsanzo, kunena kuti "Ndinatsekeredwa m'magalimoto" pamene anali kugona kwambiri kapena akuyendayenda
• Nkhani zosagwirizana: Malongosoledwe ake nthawi zambiri amasintha akamabwerezabwereza kapena kupsinjika pang'ono. Mukafunsa funso lotsatira, iye amachita chibwibwi kapena kubwereza nkhani yake. Mwina mumamva kuti akubisa chinachake kapena sakunena zoona
• Kupanga zithunzi: Amuna ena osakhwima amanama kuti awonjezere chithunzi chawo. Akhoza kudzitama chifukwa cha zinthu zomwe sizinachitikepo, kapena kukokomeza mfundo kuti ziwoneke ngati "zosangalatsa." Izi zikuwonetsa kusatetezeka komanso kusavomereza zenizeni

Kusakhulupirika muubwenzi kungakhalenso njira yopewera mikangano. Amaganiza kuti ngati akukuuzani zomwe mukufuna kumva, sadzayenera kuthana ndi zomwe mukuchita. Koma ndithudi, mabodza obwerezabwereza amawononga chidaliro. Simungamve kuti ndinu otetezeka ndi munthu wina pamene nthawi zonse mumadzifunsa ngati akunena zoona. Mwamuna wokhwima amamvetsetsa kuti kudalirana ndi kuwonekera bwino zimayendera limodzi, ngakhale pamene zoona zili zovuta.

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13. Nthawi zambiri mumamva kuti muli nokha paubwenzi

Chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri ndikukhala wosungulumwa mukakhala pachibwenzi. Ndi zomwe mumapeza ngati pali kusakhwima maganizo mu maubwenzi. Mutha kuzindikira kuti, 

• Wokondedwa wanu wosakhwima amayesedwa m'malingaliro ngakhale atakhalapo
• Inu mulibe kwambiri maganizo chomangira kuti ubwenzi wathanzi ayenera kukhala
• Iye samachita nawo pamene mukuyesera kugawana malingaliro anu kapena kufunafuna chithandizo
• Mumakumana ndi mphwayi, kuchotsedwa ntchito, kapena kungoyang'ana opanda kanthu 

Izi zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusiyana pakati pa chikondi chomwe chimakupangitsani kuti zikhale zovuta kuti mulumikizane. Zili ngati kuti aliyense ali m'chimake chake, m'malo moyenda m'moyo mogwirana.

14. Amapewa zokambirana zakuya kapena zozama

Amuna osakhwima nthawi zambiri amapewa kukambirana mozama za ubale, malingaliro, kapena chilichonse chomwe chimafuna kufooka. Amakonda kusunga zinthu mopepuka komanso zosangalatsa. Mukayesa kukulitsa ubale wanu nawo mwa kulimbikitsa kufooka, amatseka kapena kusintha ndi nthabwala. Mungazindikirenso kuti nthawi iliyonse mukanena kuti, "Tifunika kukambirana," amaoneka kuti akugwedezeka, mwachangu amanena kuti watopa kwambiri kapena wotanganidwa, kapena mwadzidzidzi amakhala wosafikirika, kaya kwenikweni kapena chifukwa cha khalidwe lodzibisa, kuti akutsekerezeni.

Angakuneneni kuti “mumaganiza mopambanitsa” kapena “mwakubweretsa sewero” ngati mukufuna kukambirana mmene mukumvera kapena mmene ubwenzi wanu ulili. Davis akufotokoza kuti: “Amuna achikulire sakhala omasuka ndi kuzama kwa maganizo.

Kukana kuchita zinthu mozama kumeneku kungasiye nkhani zofunika kwambiri zosathetsedwa. Ngati simungathe kuyankhula moona mtima za komwe zinthu zikupita kapena kuthana ndi vuto lomwe limabwerezedwa, ndiye kuti mavutowo amakula. Zikutanthauzanso kuti simudziwa kwenikweni zomwe akuganiza kapena kumva mozama. Amuna ena osakhwima amasowa mawu okhudza mtima. Iwo mwina samadziwa kufotokoza zakuzama zakukhosi chifukwa sanachitepo. 

Chifukwa chake amakakamira pazokambitsirana zapamtunda za zomwe zimachitika tsikulo, zokonda, zazing'ono zatsiku ndi tsiku, kapena ubwenzi wapamtima, ndipo amangokhalira kulira pankhani yaubwenzi. M'kupita kwa nthawi, mgwirizano umakhala wosaya. Mutha kulakalaka okondedwa amene amatsegula, amalumikizana, ndi "kupita kumeneko" ndi inu m'malingaliro, ndikuzindikira mwachisoni kuti sakufuna kapena sangathe.

15. Sangathe kupanga kapena kumamatira ku zosankha

Kodi mumatha kupanga zisankho zonse, kuyambira komwe mungadye chakudya chamadzulo kupita ku zosankha zazikulu pamoyo, chifukwa sangatero? Mutha kukhala mukukumana ndi kusakhazikika kwanthawi zonse, chomwe ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro zakusakhwima m'malingaliro. Mwamuna wokhwima amachitapo kanthu mofanana muubwenzi ndipo amagwirizana pa zosankha. 

Munthu wosakhwima mwina safuna udindo kapena akuwopa kusankha "yolakwika", kotero nthawi zonse amakukondani kapena kumangoyendayenda mopanda malire. Izi zitha kukupanikizani mopanda chilungamo, komanso zimakulepheretsani ngati wina sangathe kupanga malingaliro ake ngakhale pazinthu zazing'ono.

Kulephera kusankha zochita kungachokere ku ulesi kapena mantha. Mwina sakusamala mokwanira kuti aganizire bwino mapulani, kotero nthawi zonse muyenera kukonzekera madeti, tchuthi, ndi zina zotero. Kapena amaopa kwambiri kudzipereka kotero kuti ngakhale kusankha zochita ndi inu nokha kumamuchititsa mantha chifukwa kumatanthauza udindo. Anganenenso zinthu monga "Sindikudziwa, chilichonse chomwe mukufuna" pa chilichonse. Izi zingamveke ngati zovomerezeka, koma kwenikweni, ndi iye amene sakuchita khama lililonse muubwenzi.

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16. Kupanda kulabadira maganizo 

Kulimbana ndi kumvera chisoni kapena kuyankha ku malingaliro anu ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za kusakhwima maganizo mwa mwamuna. Izi zimaposa kumvetsera chabe, ndi kusamala moona mtima ndi kuchitapo kanthu moyenera mukakhala okondwa, achisoni, mwamantha, kapena opweteka. Mwamuna wosakhwima nthawi zambiri sakhala ndi chidwi chofuna kulumikizana kapena kutsimikizira zakukhosi kwanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mubwera kwa iye muli ndi nkhawa, akhoza kuwoneka wosamasuka kapena kuyankha mopanda chidwi monga "Zimenezi ndizosautsa" ndikusintha nkhaniyo. Akhozanso kuwonetsa dzanzi kapena kukhumudwa pamene akukhudzidwa kwambiri chifukwa sangathe kupirira. Chifukwa chake, akhoza, 

• Kulephera kukutonthozani: Nthawi zina pamene wokondana naye ayenera kukhala wothandizira, amakhala kulibe kapena alibe ntchito. Angadzitalikitse mwakuthupi kapena kupereka phazi mopanda mantha ndiyeno n’kupita patsogolo mofulumira. Simumva kuti akuchirikizidwa ndi iye
• Osakondwereranso chimwemwe chanu: Chisoni sichimangokhala nthawi yoyipa, komanso ndikugawana chisangalalo. Ngati sachita chidwi ndi uthenga wanu wabwino kapena ngati apeza njira yoti afotokozere za iye, ndiye kuti sakuwamvera chisoni.
• Zochuluka kumalingaliro anu: Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, akhoza kudziteteza kwambiri ngati maganizo anu ali pa chinachake chimene anachita. M’malo mokumverani, amaona ngati kuukira kwanuko. Sharon Peykar, LCSW, akufotokoza kuti, "Abwenzi omwe sali okhwima amadzitengera okha zinthu, akuwona chilichonse ngati chowaukira." Sangalowe mu nsapato zanu chifukwa ali wotanganidwa kwambiri kuteteza ego wake

Wokondedwa yemwe sangathe kapena sangasonyeze chifundo amakusiyani osungulumwa komanso okhumudwa kuti zosowa zanu zamaganizo sizikukwaniritsidwa. 

17. Amapewa zokambirana zofunika pa ubale

Chizindikiro chomaliza mwa zizindikiro 17 zoopsa za mwamuna wosakhwima ndi chizolowezi chopewa kukambirana nkhani zofunika kwambiri zokhudza ubale. "Amuna osakhwima angapewe kukambirana za tsogolo la ubale kapena kuthetsa nkhani zofunika kwambiri. Angapewe kukambirana za kudzipereka, kuthetsa mikangano , kapena kukula kwaumwini," akutero Peykar.

Kaya ndi “Tikupita kuti?” kukambirana kapena kuthetsa kusamvana kosalekeza, kapena kulankhula za kukulana, iye safuna mbali ya izo. Kupewa kumeneku kumawononga chifukwa kumalepheretsa ubalewo kupita patsogolo. Nkhani sizitha kukonzedwa ngati simungathe kuzifotokoza. Mutha kupeza kuti mukuyenda mozungulira - ndewu yomweyi imapitilirabe chifukwa amakana kukambirana bwino ndikupeza yankho. Kapena mukuda nkhawa ndi zam'tsogolo chifukwa sangakutsimikizireni ngati akuwona tsogolo ndi inu. Azimayi ena amafotokoza izi ngati akumva ngati ubalewo uli pachiwopsezo chifukwa chopewa kulankhulana. Ngati nkhani iliyonse yayikulu imatsogolera kwa iye kugwa kapena kuzimiririka, kusakhwima kwake ndiko kuwongolera tsogolo la ubalewo. Ndipo mwatsoka, kukhala chete sikuthetsa kalikonse.

7 Njira Zothandiza Pothana ndi Mwamuna Wachibwana

Chifukwa chake mwazindikira zizindikiro zingapo mwa mnzanu. Mwina mukuganiza kuti, "Eya, ndiye mbendera zofiira zambiri. Nditani nazo?" Osachita mantha mopitirira. Kusakhwima maganizo mu maubwenzi, ngakhale zovulaza, sikutanthauza kuti palibe chiyembekezo cha tsogolo limodzi. M'malo mwake, okwatirana ambiri amakumana ndi vuto lakukhwima panthawi inayake ndipo amatha kuyendetsa bwino. Kuti zimenezi zitheke, wokwatirana naye wosakhwimayo ayenera kuona kulakwa kwa njira zake ndi kuchitapo kanthu pakukula kwake.

Kumbukirani, simungakakamize wina kuti akule mwamsanga, koma mukhoza kudziikira malire, kulankhulana bwino, ndi kupanga zosankha mwanzeru kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino. Cholinga si kumudzudzula kapena kumulera kuti asinthe. Sizigwira ntchito. M’malo mwake, ganizirani za mmene mukuyankhira ndi zimene mukufunikira. Nazi njira zisanu ndi ziwiri zokuthandizani kuti mupirire ndikukulimbikitsani kuti mukhale okhwima muubwenzi wanu:

1. Muuzeni mlandu 

Pewani “kugudubuzika” ndi kubisa zolakwa zake. Zingamveke zophweka kuyeretsa zonyansa zake kapena kukhululukira khalidwe lake, koma izi zimangopangitsa kusakhwima. M’malo mwake, ayang’anizane ndi zotsatira zachibadwa za zochita zake. Mwachitsanzo, ngati waiwala chinthu chofunika kwambiri chifukwa chosachita bwino, musamukonzere zokha. 

Zimenezi zingatanthauze kuloza mofatsa pamene walakwa ndi kusavomereza kulakwa kwake. Zimatanthauzanso kusiya makhalidwe aliwonse a "makolo" omwe mwakhala mukuchita, monga kumukumbutsa za ntchito yaing'ono kapena kupepesa kwa ena chifukwa cha iye. Bwererani mmbuyo ndikumulola kuti akumane ndi kugwa. Nthawi zina, kumva kusapeza bwino kwa zotsatira zake ndizovuta kuti azindikire kuti ayenera kukula.

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2. Lankhulani zosowa zanu momveka bwino komanso modekha

M'malo momufuulira chifukwa chosakhwima, zomwe zingayambitse kudziteteza, lankhulani momveka bwino komanso momasuka za momwe khalidwe lake limakukhudzirani. Sankhani nthawi yomwe zinthu zili bata, ndipo fotokozani momwe mukumvera pogwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti "Ine". Mwachitsanzo, "Ndimamva kupweteka komanso ndili ndekha mukanyalanyaza malingaliro anga ngati 'sewero.' Ndikufuna mnzanga amene angamvetsere ndikuyesera kumvetsetsa, ngakhale titasiyana maganizo."

Lisungeni maganizo pa khalidwe, osati kuukira munthu. Akatswiri a zaubwenzi amati musamenye tchire. Mwina sangazindikire mmene zochita zake zimakukhudzirani. Mwa kulemba, mumamupatsa mpata wolingalira ndi kuyankha. Khalani okonzeka kuti mwina sangamvetse bwino poyamba chifukwa cha chizolowezi chodzitchinjiriza. Koma kubzala mbewu n’kofunika.

3. Khalani ndi malire abwino

Sankhani zomwe mungalole ndi zomwe simungalole, kenako tsatirani. Malire angaphatikizepo zinthu monga, 

• “Sindingavomereze kutukwanidwa kapena kutukwanidwa, zikachitika ndidzichotsapo.” 
• "Ngati mungagwirizane ndi bajeti yomwe timagawana pogula zinthu mopupuluma, muyenera kubweza zinthuzo kapena kulingalira zandalama. 

Kukhazikitsa malire abwino ndi njira yabwino yothanirana ndi mwamuna wosakhwima m'maganizo. Komabe, kukakamiza malire nthawi zonse ndikofunikira kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, ngati mwanena kuti mudzatuluka m'chipindamo ngati akufuula, chitanidi akakweza mawu ake. Ngati mwanena kuti musabwerekenso ndalama zambiri, pitirizani zimenezo. Izi zimamuwonetsa kuti ndinu wotsimikiza mtima ndipo zochita zake zili ndi malire. Feuerman akuti, "Malire awa ndi a thanzi lanu, ndipo simuli ndi udindo wochiritsa kusakhwima kwake mwamatsenga; muli ndi udindo wodzisunga."

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4. Limbikitsani thandizo la akatswiri

Nthawi zina, makhalidwe osakhwima amakhala okhazikika kwambiri kapena amamangiriridwa kuzinthu zazikulu monga kusatetezeka, zowawa zakale, ndi zina zotero. Katswiri akhoza kumuthandiza kuzindikira ndi kuthetsa machitidwewa m'njira yomwe simungathe kapena simukuyenera kutero. Zingakhale zothandiza kupereka chithandizo kwa maanja, kuziyika ngati zoyesayesa zapagulu kuti athe kulumikizana bwino, kapena kumulimbikitsa kuti alankhule ndi dokotala payekhapayekha. 

Yankhani mochirikiza, osati mongonena kuti "Mukufunika chithandizo!" koma m'malo mwake "Ndikuganiza kuti mlangizi atha kutithandiza kuthetsa zina mwazovuta zomwe zimachitika nthawi zambiri ndikutiphunzitsa njira zabwinoko zothanirana nazo." Ngati akukana, mukhoza kuyamba mankhwala nokha kuti akuthandizeni. Nthawi zambiri, wina akayamba kupita, winayo amakhala womasuka kuti alowe nawo. Kumbukirani, simungakakamize wina kuti asinthe, koma mutha kupereka zida ndikuwonetsa kuti ndizofunikira kwa inu.

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5. Limbikitsani kukula ndi udindo

Iye sangasinthe kukhala mwamuna wokhwima maganizo usiku wonse koma mukhoza kumulimbikitsa kuchitapo kanthu mu njira yoyenera. Thandizani zokonda kapena zizolowezi zilizonse zomwe zimalimbikitsa udindo, kudzidziwitsa, kapena chifundo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati ali womasuka kuwerenga, mutha kugawana nawo nkhani kapena buku la maubwenzi kapena luntha lamalingaliro. Ngati akulimbana ndi luso la moyo, mulimbikitseni kuyesa kuchita zinthu payekha ndikuvomereza pamene akutero. 

Tiyerekeze kuti amatsatira bajeti ya mwezi umodzi. Sonyezani kuyamikira zoyesayesa zake, zomwe zimalimbitsa khalidwelo. Chinsinsi chake ndi kufuna kuwongolera. Simungathe kumukakamiza kuti asinthe, koma mutha kupanga malo omwe kukula kumawonedwa ndikuyamikiridwa.

6. Pirirani, koma pirirani;

Ngati mwasankha kukhala ndikugwira ntchito pa chiyanjano, dziwani kuti kusintha kumatenga nthawi. Mufunika kuleza mtima kuti athetse zizolowezi zazaka zambiri. Kondwerani zopambana zazing'ono ndikumvetsetsa kuti pakhoza kukhala zobwereranso. Komabe, wodwala sikutanthauza kungokhala chete. Muyeneranso kukhala olimba pazoyembekeza zanu ndi malire anu. 

Fotokozani momveka bwino kuti ngakhale mukumvetsa kuti kukula ndi njira, makhalidwe ena ndi osavomerezeka ndipo ayenera kuyenda m'njira yoyenera. Mwachitsanzo, munganene kuti, “Ndikudziwa kuti mukuyesera kulankhulana bwino, ndipo ndikuyamikira. Ndili pano kuti tigwire ntchito limodzi pa izi. Koma ndikufuna kuti mudziwe kuti ngati kulira ndi kutukwana kupitirira monga kale, sindingathe kukhalabe muubwenziwu kwa nthawi yayitali .” Mawu amtunduwu amatsimikizira kuthandizira komanso kutsimikiza mtima.

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7. Zindikirani kukula

Anthu, ngakhale akuluakulu, amayankha bwino kulimbikitsidwa kwabwino. Wokondedwa wanu akawonetsa zizindikiro za kukhwima kapena kusintha, zindikirani ndikuyamikira. Kodi anakambirana modekha nkhani yovuta m'malo molalatira? Muuzeni mmene zimenezi zinakukhudzirani. Kodi anayamba kuchitapo kanthu posankha zochita kapena ntchito imene nthawi zambiri amaipewa? Muthokozeni moona mtima. Uku sikungomuchitira khanda kapena kumupatsa nyenyezi zagolide kuti akhale ndi khalidwe la anthu akuluakulu. Ndiko kulimbikitsa kuti kuyesetsa kwake kumawonedwa ndi kuyamikiridwa, zomwe zimamulimbikitsa kupitiriza. 

"Mayankho abwino angamulimbikitse kuti apitirize kusintha zinthu zabwino ndikumuwonetsa kuti kuyesetsa kwake kumawonedwa ndi kuyamikiridwa. Zimapanga malo olimbikitsa kwambiri kuti akule, m'malo momangokhalira kutsutsa, zomwe zingapangitse munthu kudziteteza," akutero Burns. 

Maganizo Final

Kuchita ndi mwamuna wosakhwima muubwenzi ndikotopetsa. Muyenera kuika patsogolo ubwino wanu kuposa china chilichonse. Ngati sangasinthe, simungathe kukonza nokha kusakhwima kwake. Pakhoza kufika nthawi yomwe muyenera kusankha ngati ubalewo, momwe uliri, ukukwaniritsa mokwanira kwa inu. Ngati sakufuna kugwira ntchitoyo kuti akhale mnzanu wokhwima maganizo komanso wopezeka m'maganizo, mungapeze kuti ubalewo sulinso wabwino kapena wokhutiritsa kwa inu. Ndikwabwino kudziikira patsogolo ndikusiya zomwe sizikuyenda bwino. Nthawi zina, phunziro lolimba kwambiri la kukhwima kwa onse awiri ndikuzindikira kuti chikondi sichikwanira ngati munthu wina akana kukula.

Kumbali ina, maubwenzi ambiri amapita patsogolo ndi nthawi ndi khama. Kukhwima maganizo kungakule, makamaka ngati amakukondani ndipo akufuna kukhala wabwinopo. Pozindikira zizindikiro ndikugwiritsa ntchito njirazi, mukupereka mwayi wolimbana ndi chibwenzi chanu. Zili kwa iye ngati apambana. Kumbukirani kuti mukuyenera kukhala ndi mnzanu yemwe amakumana nanu pamlingo wanu.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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