Kodi Ubwenzi Uzikhala Wotalika Motani? Wothandizira Amayankha

Tiyeni tivomereze. Mgwirizanowu ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri komanso wosokoneza nthawi zina. Makamaka pamene inu ndi mnzanuyo simukudziwa za njira yopita patsogolo, muyenera kumvetsetsa zolinga za moyo wanu, kapena mumangofunika kupuma wina ndi mzake kuti muzindikire. Koma kodi ubale uyenera kutha nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti zinthu ziyende bwino? Chofunika kwambiri, kodi mukutsimikiza kuti ubale wanu udzayenda bwino ngati mwaganiza zopumira? Kapena mukudabwa momwe mungabwerere muubwenzi ndikulumikizanabe?

Munkhaniyi, tifufuza mafunso otere okhudza kusweka kwa ubale ndi zina zambiri, mothandizidwa ndi mlangizi Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu pa nkhani zokhudzana ndi chibwenzi, kusakhulupirika, mikangano ya m'banja, ndi kusudzulana. Tidzaphunziranso mfundo zazikulu za malamulo osweka kwa ubale. Chifukwa chake, tisadikire nthawi yayitali ndikulowa m'malo mwake kuti tidziwe ngati kudina batani loyimitsa ubale wanu ndi lingaliro labwino komanso nthawi yomwe…

Kodi Kupuma Kumatanthauza Chiyani Mu Ubale

Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi Gottman Institute akusonyeza kuti kupuma pang'ono kuti mupewe kapena kuthana bwino ndi kuthetsa mikangano muubwenzi kungakhale lingaliro labwino. Ndipotu, kafukufuku woterewu amakhulupirira kuti mutha "kukonda mwanzeru" mukasankha kupuma pang'ono kuti muwunikenso ubalewo, kuti ubalewo ugwire ntchito, kapena kubwerera m'mbuyo.

Koma kupuma kumatanthauza chiyani muubwenzi kapena kumatanthauza chiyani kwa maanja? Ruchi akufotokoza kuti: “Kupuma kumatanthauza kuti mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri m’chibwenziwo asankha kusiya mbali ya chikondi ya pachibwenzi koma osalankhulana mochepa.” Kungatanthauzenso kuthera nthaŵi kutali ndi mnzanuyo koma kusonkhananso kwa nthaŵi yoikidwiratu nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi. Chifukwa chake, mwanjira ina, kupuma kumapereka mpumulo kwakanthawi ku nkhani za ubale. 

Kodi kupuma kungathandize ubale?

Chifukwa chake, tsopano tikudziwa kuti kusweka ndikwabwinobwino komanso sizovuta kwambiri muubwenzi. Koma kodi kupuma kungathandize ubale kukula kapena kusintha m’njira yabwino, kapena kumawononga m’kupita kwa nthaŵi? Kodi kusweka koteroko kumabweretsa maubwenzi olimba? Kodi zifukwa zina zomveka zosiyira chibwenzi ndi ziti? Ruchi akuwonetsa bwino momwe kupuma kotereku kumapindulira maubwenzi:

• Kupuma kumalola onse omwe akukhudzidwa kuti afufuze ndikumvetsetsa ubalewo ndikuwunika momwe ubale wawo uliri komanso zovuta zaumwini. Izi zimakuthandizani kupeza mayankho a mafunso monga akuti, “Ndinu ubale wabwino? "
• Zimalola kukula kwaumwini, ndipo okondedwa angayang'ane kudzisamalira payekha
• Kupuma kungathandizenso anthu kupanga malire, kaya akuthupi kapena amalingaliro, zomwe zingawathandize kuunikanso ubalewo, zomwe sizikanatheka.
• Nthawi yopuma imalola anthu kukhala ndi nthawi kuti amvetsetse zolinga zawo, zikhulupiliro, ndi zosowa zawo ndikuwona ngati zikugwirizana ndi za abwenzi awo.
• Kusweka kumathandizanso anthu kuzindikira ndi kuthana ndi zovuta monga kusakhazikika kwa ubale zomwe zingapangitse kuti ubalewo usokonezeke mtsogolo
• Kupuma kungathandize okwatirana kuti adutse kusintha kwadzidzidzi kwa zomwe sanafunikire ubale wautali chifukwa cha kusintha kwa ntchito kapena kusamuka

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Tsopano popeza mwapeza yankho la tanthauzo la kupuma muubwenzi, kodi mukudabwa kuti, “Kodi kupuma muubwenzi kuyenera kukhala nthawi yayitali bwanji?” Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit , yemwe wapuma muubwenzi, akusimba nkhani yake, “Ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinapuma kwa miyezi 7. Zinali zothandiza m'njira zina komanso zina zovulaza… pamapeto pake tonse tinasowa moyo wathu limodzi ndipo tinaganiza zobwereranso limodzi ndipo tikadali limodzi. Ndinganene kuti, ndikanakonda ndikanapanda kupuma… panali zinthu zomwe tonse tinkachita tili kutali zomwe zinkawononga ubale wathu tsopano. Koma kumbali ina… bwanji ngati sitinapumule? Mwina sitikanayambanso kuyamikirana…”

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Kwa iye, nthawi yopuma inali yaitali ndithu ndipo inatha miyezi ingapo. Chosangalatsa n’chakuti, zinapangitsa kuti iye ndi mwamuna wake azindikire kufunika kwa ubale wawo. Koma kodi nthawi yopuma yoteroyo imatha nthawi yayitali bwanji? Ndipo kodi ubale uyenera kukhala nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti ukhale wokhudza? Kodi pali mndandanda wanthawi yanthawi ya 'saizi imodzi yokwanira zonse'? 

Ruchi anati: “Kusweka kwa maubwenzi kungapitirire kwa masiku angapo, milungu, kapena miyezi ingapo, ndipo zimadalira pa zifukwa zingapo ndithu.” Chinthu chachikulu chimene chimatsimikizira nthaŵi ya kupuma ndicho chifukwa chimene okwatirana akufunafuna kupumula ndi zosoŵa zawo ndi ziyembekezo zawo. Kenako akupitiriza kusiyanitsa pakati pa milandu ingapo:

1. Kupuma kuti mumvetsetse zovuta za ubale - Miyezi ingapo

Yankho la nthawi yomwe ubale uyenera kutha lingakhale lovuta. Kupuma komwe kumafuna kudziwa zomwe zimayambitsa zomwe zikuwononga ubale zitha kukhala miyezi ingapo. 

Ruchi akuti, “Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zopumira muubwenzi ndikudziwa zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto okhudzana ndi kudalirana kapena kusiyana kwa makhalidwe, pomwe okwatirana amafunika kukhala pansi ndikuwunika nkhaniyo ndikuthetsa nkhawazo.” Zikatero, okwatirana onse angafunike nthawi yokwanira yodziganizira okha, kuchiritsa, kapena kulankhula ndi anthu achinsinsi, mabwenzi, ndi abale.

2. Kupuma pakukula kwaumwini - Masabata angapo

Anthu ambiri amatenga nthawi yopuma kuti akule, kapena kuti azingodziganizira okha. Zopuma zoterezi zingakhale zazifupi. Zitha kukhala kwa milungu ingapo. Ruchi anati: “Zikatero, anthu amatha kupita kokacheza kaye kaye kaye kuti adzifufuze bwino asanabwerenso ndi anzawo.” 

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3. Kupuma kuti muthane ndi nkhawa zokhudzana ndi ntchito - Masabata angapo mpaka miyezi

Nthawi zina, monga momwe Ruchi akunenera, “Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zopumira muubwenzi chingakhale kuthana ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi ntchito.” Kupuma kotereku kumatha kukhala nthawi iliyonse kuyambira milungu ingapo mpaka miyezi ingapo. Kungakhalenso kotalikirapo, kutengera zovuta za ntchito/pulojekiti.

Msuweni wanga, Andrea, nayenso anakumana ndi vuto ngati limeneli. Ankawona kuti sakanatha kusewera mipira yambiri nthawi imodzi, ndipo adaganiza kuti akufunikira nthawi yoti athe kuthana ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri pamoyo wake waukatswiri asanakonzenso ubale wake ndi mwamuna wake.

4. Kuphwanya kukhazikitsa malire - Masabata angapo

Ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi akulimbana ndi malire, zikhoza kukhala za munthu mmodzi amene amafunikira kulankhulana kosalekeza, zomwe zimakhala zovuta kwa winayo. Ruchi anati: “Choncho, ngati winayo sangakwanitse kulimbana ndi kulankhulana mochulukirachulukira, angafunikire nthawi yokwanira kuti abwerere m’chigoba chake n’kukonza mmene akumvera.” Imeneyi ingakhale nthawi yopuma yaifupi, ndipo pambuyo pake winayo amabwereranso ali ndi kudzipenda kokwanira ndi malingaliro atsopano kuti akhazikitse malire muubwenziwo.

5. Kupuma kuti muganizirenso kudzipereka - Masabata angapo mpaka miyezi ingapo

Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zopumira pachibwenzi chingakhale kufunika kowunikanso kudziperekako. Maanja omwe ali ndi bwenzi limodzi mu phobia yodzipereka kosatha amathanso kupuma. Ngati nthawi zambiri mumasiyidwa ndikufunsa kuti, "Kodi ubale uyenera kutha nthawi yayitali bwanji?", Chabwino, kumbukirani, nthawi ngati izi, kutha kotereku kumatha kuyambira milungu ingapo mpaka miyezi ingapo. 

Choncho, onse awiri amapeza nthawi yokwanira kuti awunikenso ubalewo ndikusankha ngati akufuna kuchita nthawi yaitali. Ruchi anati: “Kuthetsa ukwati wotero kuyenera kutha pokhapokha ngati onse awiri asankha ngati ali ndi chidaliro kuti apitirizabe ndi chibwenzicho kapena angosiyaniranatu.”

Malamulo Ophwanya Ubale Kuti Agwire Ntchito Mokomera Inu

Pofotokoza zifukwa zake zosiya chibwenzi, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit anati, “Wokondedwa wanga sanali wokonzeka kudzipereka kwa nthawi yayitali popanda kufufuza mbali yake ya “bachelor”. Tinasiyana kwa miyezi iwiri, ndipo anandipempha kuti ndibwererenso atapita ku ma deti ena ndipo anazindikira kuti ndine wopusa.

“Inde, ndikukhulupirira kuti sanachite china chilichonse, ndipo ngakhale atakhala kuti anachita, zimenezo zinali mbali ya kumvetsetsana.

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Chifukwa chake, mukuwona, kutha kwa ubale popanda cholinga chilichonse kungakhale kopanda tanthauzo. Ruchi anati: “Palibe ntchito yopuma ngati sudziŵa chifukwa chake ukuitenga ndi mmene ingakuthandizireni. Choncho, munthu ayenera kukhala wotsimikiza chifukwa cha zopuma zoterozo.

Nawa malamulo angapo ophwanya maubwenzi omwe Ruchi amagawana kuti nthawi yopuma igwire ntchito, makamaka ngati muli paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali. Chifukwa chake, ngati simukudziwa momwe mungabwererenso muubwenzi ndikuupangabe, werengani izi:

• Fotokozani cholinga chopuma: Ndikofunikira kukambirana zolinga, zodetsa nkhawa, zosowa, ndi ziyembekezo zomwe zikugwirizana ndi nthawi yopuma, kuti onse amvetsetse komanso ali patsamba lomwelo.
• Khazikitsani nthawi: Ndi chanzeru kusapanga kulekana kukhala kosatha kapena kosamveka. Kaya izikhala kwa sabata, mwezi, kapena miyezi isanu ndi umodzi, dziwani nthawi yake, chifukwa izi zidzakuthandizani nonse kumvetsetsa bwino. Onse awiri adziwa nthawi yoti agwirizane ndi kukambirana za tsogolo la chiyanjano
• Khazikitsani malire: Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti muzilankhulana wina ndi mnzake momwe mungafunire kuti muzitha kulumikizana kwakanthawi kopatukana kapena kupuma. Mwachitsanzo, khazikitsani malamulo okhudza kulankhulana bwino, monga kuyimbira foni tsiku lililonse, kulemberana meseji yabwino m’mawa, kapena kuyimba foni pavidiyo. Momwemonso, lankhulani ngati kuwona anthu ena ndikololedwa
• Lemekezani malo aumwini ndi kudziyimira pawokha: Ngakhale kuli kofunika kusunga mgwirizano, muyenera kupewa kulankhulana mopitirira muyeso kapena kusokoneza panthawi yopuma. Aloleni akwaniritse zolinga zawo ndikuwonetsetsa kuti malire anu akulemekezedwanso
• Pewani kusamvetsetsana: Ngati mwaganiza zopita osalumikizana kwa nthawi yayitali, onetsetsani kuti mwakhalapo kulankhulana momasuka za izo ndi mnzanu. Komanso onetsetsani kuti sakumvetsa zosakhalitsa yopuma monga kutha ndi kufunafuna chitonthozo chikondi kwinakwake. Pewani kusamvana m'njira yoyenera

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• Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi yopuma kuti mudzikonzere nokha: Gwirani ntchito pakukula kwanu ndi kudzisamalira. Yesani ndi kukwaniritsa zolinga zantchito, pitani kutchuthi, fufuzani chithandizo, khalani ndi anzanu, kapena yesetsani kuchita zoseweretsa. Koma onetsetsani kuti simukuwononga nthawi yopuma
• Fufuzani chithandizo chamaganizo: Nthawi zambiri m’modzi amakhala wosangalala ndi nthawi yopuma, pamene wina satero. Ngati mukumva kuti mwasiyidwa, chifukwa sichinthu chomwe mumafuna, funani chithandizo kuchokera kwa achibale, abwenzi, kapena othandizira. Funsani malingaliro awo, chitsogozo, ndi chithandizo chamalingaliro
• Gulunso: Ngati kuli kofunikira, fufuzani wina ndi mnzake ndikusonkhanitsanso nthawi ndi nthawi, ngakhale mkati mwa nthawi yopuma, kuti muwone ngati zinthu zikuyenda bwino. Khalani olumikizidwa mwanjira ina
• Dziwani kuti ubalewu ukhoza kusintha pakatha nthawi yopuma: Kaya ndi nthawi yopuma pang'ono kapena yayitali, dziwani kuti nthawi yopuma ikatha, zikhalidwe zanu, malingaliro anu, ndi zomwe mumayika patsogolo zitha kusintha. Onse awiri ayenera kukhala okonzeka kuti kusinthaku kuchitike. Kupumako kungakupangitseni kukhala munthu wabwinoko kapena kungakupangitseni kupanga zisankho zenizeni zosatengera malingaliro. Khalani okonzeka kuvomereza kusinthaku kuti musagwedezeke ndikusamalira thanzi lanu lamalingaliro. Mutha kusankha chithandizo cha maanja ngati mukufuna.

Kutha kwa ubale kumatha kugwira ntchito ngati matsenga nthawi zina. Koma ngati sizikusamalidwa bwino, zingayambitse kusweka kwachikhalire ngakhale muubwenzi wabwino, ndipo pamapeto pake zimatsogolera ku chibwenzicho. Kupambana kwa nthawi yopuma kumadalira kufufuza kwambiri kwa moyo ndi kufufuza. 

Kuimba mlandu munthu wina pazifukwa zonse za ubale sikungagwire ntchito. M'malo mwake, kuyimitsa ubalewo kuti muzindikire zovuta zenizeni zomwe zikuvutitsa ubalewo kungakhale kopindulitsa. Kupatula apo, nsonga yopuma ndi chiyani ngati sichikuwululira zinthu zingapo za inu ndi ubale wanu. Tikukhulupirira, kudzera m'nkhaniyi, tatha kuyankha mafunso anu oyaka moto monga "Kodi ubale uyenera kutha nthawi yayitali bwanji?" kapena "Kodi kutha kwa ubale kumathandizadi?" Kumbukirani, pamapeto pake ndi inu ndi mnzanuyo amene muyenera kusankha nthawi ndi kutalika kwa nthawi yopuma ndi momwe mungabwererenso muubwenzi ndikubwereranso.

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