Ngaba Kungcono Ukuqhawula Umtshato Okanye Ukuhlala Ungonwabanga Emtshatweni? Isigwebo seNgcali

Umtshato uhlala uthathwa njengeyona ndawo ingcwele kumaziko, ngoko ke umbuzo othi, "Ngaba kungcono ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga ungatshatanga?", awuqhelekanga. Kambe ke, kukho imiphumo yokuhlala kumtshato ongonwabanga, kodwa ngenxa yemigaqo engqongqo yasekuhlaleni nokoyika ukucalulwa okanye kuthethwa ngako, amaqabane amaninzi angonwabanga ngokufuthi ashiyeka ezibuza izinto ezinjengalezi, “Ngaba ukuhlala kunye kubhetele kunoqhawulo-mtshato?”

Izinto ziba nzima ngakumbi xa ushiya umtshato unabantwana, nto leyo ebangela ukuba ucinge, “Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni wabantwana?” Kulula ukuthi, “Yiba nesibindi uphume”, kodwa kuninzi ekufuneka ucinge ngako kuba awusuki nje kubudlelwane kodwa ubomi bonke owakhe neqabane lakho. Iimali, ukugcinwa kwabantwana, apho unokuhlala khona - zonke ezi zinto ziza kuqwalaselwa nzulu, ziyenza ibe bhetele kunokwahlukana kwakho okuqhelekileyo.

Ukufumana ukuqonda malunga nale ngxaki, siye sathetha nodokotela wengqondo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, i-REBT, kunye neengcebiso zezibini. Ukuba uyazibuza, "Ngaba kungcono ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni?", Okanye wazi umntu okhoyo, funda.

Ngaba Kungcono Ukuqhawula Umtshato Okanye Ukuhlala Ungonwabanga Emtshatweni? Isigwebo seNgcali

Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni? Lo ngumbuzo obuhlungu nonzima. Thatha imeko ka-Iain noJules, bobabini kwi-30 yabo kwaye batshatile iminyaka esixhenxe. UJules, unjingalwazi wezifundo zenkcubeko eColorado uthi: “Sasisahlukana, yaye ndandisazi ukuba ndandingonwabanga emtshatweni, kodwa kwafuneka ndizibuze, “Ngaba ukuhlala kunye kubhetele kunoqhawulo-mtshato? Ndandisazi ukuba ndandiza kunikezela kakhulu xa ndishiya umtshato.”

A isifundo ibonisa ukuba imitshato yexesha elide, ekumgangatho ophantsi ikhokelela kumanqanaba aphantsi olonwabo nempilo. Kukho iziphumo zokwenyani zokuhlala kumtshato ongonwabanga, ulumkisa uNandita. “Ubudlelwane obungonwabanga bunokukhokelela kuxinzelelo, ixhala, imiba yengqondo, kunye nemiba yasekuhlaleni. Oku kunokubonakala njengeengxaki zomzimba kunye neemeko zonyango ezifana noxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu, iswekile, njalo njalo. ubudlelwane obungonwabanga kuya kukwenza udandatheke, ngoko ke, ukuhlala kwindlela enye uya kuzenzakalisa ngokwasemzimbeni nasengqondweni.”

• Kuthekani xa unabantwana?
  Ngaba uhlala kumtshato ongonwabanga wabantwana? Kukho imilinganiselo eyahlukahlukeneyo yokungonwabi kwemitshato.Eminye isenokulungiseka, ibe eminye isenokuphela sele iluqhawulo-mtshato. Xa kunjalo, ngaba ngokwenene kusengqiqweni ukuhlala uqhubeka, uziqhatha ngokukholelwa ukuba unokumenza umntwana wakho azive ekhuselekile yaye esempilweni kwikhaya elingonwabanga ngokungapheliyo?
  
  “Ukuba umtshato awonwabanga ngokwenene, akukho ngqiqweni ukuhlalela abantwana kuba abantwana nabo baya kuva isandi esibi solwalamano baze bacinge ukuba le yindlela obuvakalelwa ngayo ubomi obuqhelekileyo – obuhlala bunxunguphele kwaye bunxunguphele.” Kamva, nabo baya kuba nobudlelwane obungenampilo namaqabane abo kuba yiloo nto abakhule beyibona,” utshilo uNandita.
  Ngaba kungcono ukuqhawula umtshato okanye hlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni ukwenzela abantwana? Singathi ukuba umtshato awukonwabisi, kuyathandabuzeka ukuba ukuhlala kuwo kuya kubavuyisa nabantwana bakho.
  
• Kuthekani ukuba umtshato uyaxhatshazwa?
  Masicace. Ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo akukho ndawo ebomini bakho. Nokuba ikukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kwaye akukho zimpawu zibonakalayo, awufanelanga ukuba kumtshato ongonwabanga apho uhlala ujongelwa phantsi okanye ugculelwa. Kakade ke, kulula ukutsho kunokwenza ukuwushiya umtshato oxhaphazayo, okanye kwanoko ubudlelwane obuxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo kodwa ungazibeki tyala okanye uzibethe ngenxa yoko. Ukuba unako, phuma. Hlala nomhlobo wakho, uzifunele eyakho indlu, kwaye ufumane umsebenzi ukuba awukabinawo. Yaye khumbula, asilotyala lakho.
  
• Iqabane lam lilahlekile, ndihlala okanye ndiyahamba?
  Oku kunzima. Nokuba ngumcimbi weemvakalelo okanye ukudibana ngokwasemzimbeni, ukunganyaniseki emtshatweni kubangela imiba ephambili yokuthembana kwaye kunokuba lulwaphulo olungenakulungiswa phakathi kwamaqabane. Kwakhona, kuxhomekeke kuwe ngokwenene ukuba ucinga ukuba kungcono ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni.

Ungalungisa izinto, ufune uncedo lobuchwephesha kwaye ngokukhawuleza uzame kwaye wakhe ukuthembana kubudlelwane bakho. Kodwa, yindlela ende, enzima kwaye iya kufuna umsebenzi omninzi. Ngoko ke, ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba awukwazi ukuphinda ubathembe, kwaye umtshato uphelile, akukho ntloni ekushiyeni. Kwaye kwakhona, khumbula ukuba ukungathembeki yayilukhetho olwenziwe liqabane lakho, kwaye kwakungekho ngenxa yokuba awonelanga okanye uswele ngandlela-thile.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Xa Uhamba Emva Kokungathembeki: Iimpawu ezili-10 Ozaziyo

Ihlala Ixesha Elingakanani Imitshato Engonwabanga?

“Konke kuxhomekeke kubuntu babantu ababandakanyekileyo.” Abantu abaninzi baya kuwushiya umtshato ongonwabanga, ngoxa abanye bezama ukuwuguqulela kumtshato owonwabileyo, osebenza ngakumbi.Kukho nombuzo wengcinezelo yasekuhlaleni.Nanamhlanje, kukho abaninzi abaya kuhlala bekwimitshato engonwabanga ngokunzulu baze babenze bagqibelele ukonga ubuso nokuphepha uhlaselo lwemibuzo nokuhlolisiswa okubakho xa umtshato uphela,” uNandita uthi.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezi-8 ezinokuthi zisetyenziswe ngokuchasene nawe kuqhawulo-mtshato kunye nendlela yokuziphepha

USienna, oneminyaka engama-48, ongumondli wekhaya, uthi: “Ndineminyaka eli-17 nditshatile neqabane lam, yaye ke, anditsho ukuba sitshatile kuba kusenza sonwabe gqitha ukuba kunye,” utsho uSienna oneminyaka engama-48 ubudala, “ndiye ndacinga ngokumka izihlandlo ezininzi, ndada ndazixelela ukuba ndifanelwe kukufumana okungakumbi, ndifanele ukonwaba, nokuba kukwam ndedwa.

Kodwa kukho uloyiko endinalo lokuba abantu baza kusabela njani.Ukungaqiniseki enoba ndiza kuzenzela ndedwa kusini na. Ngaba abantu baya kundigxeka ngokungasebenzi nzima ukuze umtshato wam uphumelele?

Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni? Kuxhomekeke kuwe ngokwenene kwaye yintoni oyixabisa kakhulu. I Uluhlu lokujonga umtshato owonwabileyo yahlukile kuthi sonke. Kuya kuba kuhle ukuba sonke sinokuzishiya izinto ezingasenzi sonwabe, kodwa kukho izinto eziyinyani kunye nolwakhiwo lwentlalo, kunye nemigangatho ephazamisayo.

Njengoko besesitshilo, ngokuqinisekileyo kukho imiphumo yokuhlala kumtshato ongonwabanga. Kodwa kukho nemiphumo yokushiya, kwaye kufuneka ulungele ukujongana nabo, ngendlela enye okanye enye.

Ngaba Kukuzingca Ukushiya Umtshato Ongonwabanga?

UNandita uthi: “Asikokuzingca nakancinane, enyanisweni, kulunge ngakumbi kubo bobabini abantu ababandakanyekileyo ekubeni bengonwabanga.” Kusengqiqweni ukuwushiya umtshato ngenxa yempilo-ntle yakho yengqondo nengokweemvakalelo kwakunye neyeqabane lakho.

Xa ucinga, “Ngaba ukuhlala kunye kulunge ngakumbi kunoqhawulo-mtshato?”, kungokwemvelo ukucinga ukuba ukuhlala kunye nokwenza izinto zisebenze yeyona nto ilungileyo neqolileyo. Ngapha koko, izinto kulo naluphi na ubudlelwane zinokuba nzima kwaye kuxhomekeke kuthi ukwenza umsebenzi. Kwaye mhlawumbi ikwenza uzibuze "ingaba nguwe ozicingelayo kubudlelwane” ukuba awenzi njalo.

Nangona oku kuyinyani ngokuqinisekileyo, masikhumbule kwakhona ukuba sonke sifanelwe ukonwaba kwaye silindele inqanaba elithile lovuyo kubudlelwane bethu, ngokunjalo. Ngoko, ewe, ukushiya umtshato kunokubonwa njengokuzingca, ukushiya umtshato onabantwana ngakumbi.

Kodwa akunakufane ube liqabane okanye umzali olungileyo ukuba usoloko unxunguphele. Inyaniso, izifundo bonisa ukuba abazali abangenamaqabane bakulungele ngakumbi ukunceda abanye nokuba luncedo kunamaqabane. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuba uye wazinceda ukuba wonwabe, udla ngokufuna ukunceda abanye.

Ke, qhubeka kwaye ufumane iimvakalelo zakho malunga "ndiyithiyile umyeni wam kodwa sinomntwana" phaya. Vumela amathandabuzo eze, kunokuba uwafihle ngasemva kwengqondo yakho. Kwaye ke, ngengqondo ezolileyo, cinga malunga neyona nto ikusebenzela ngcono. Oko kuzithanda, hayi ukuzingca.

Indlela Yokuhlangabezana Nomtshato Ongonwabanga, Kwaye Linini Ixesha Lokuhamba

“Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuqinisekisa ukuba uyakwazi ukuzimela kwaye awuxhomekekanga ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwemali, ngokwengqondo, okanye ngokwasemzimbeni kwiqabane lakho.Phambi kokuba nihambe jongani ukuba ningasitshintsha na isimo somtshato wenu.Kwakuba nje senizamile nobabini nafumanisa ukuba ayisebenzi, yenzani isigqibo sokuhamba, nijonge ukuba ningakwazi na ukomelela kwaye niphile ngokuzimeleyo.

“Gxininisa kuzinzo lwemali kunye ukuzimela ngokwezimali njengomfazi otshatileyo nomntu ongatshatanga. Bona ukuba ungaphila wedwa ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwengqondo, nangonyango. Kwakhona, kunyanzelekile ukuba ube nenkqubo yenkxaso yakho ngaphandle kweqabane lakho kunye nosapho lwabo. Njengezilwanyana zasentlalweni, siyabadinga abanye abantu, ungaze uyilibale loo nto.

UNandita uthi: “Alikho ‘ixesha eligqibeleleyo lokuhamba.’ Uya kulazi xa ukwimeko apho ungasakwazi ukuphila kakuhle okanye ukonwabele ubomi logama nje usemtshatweni.” Kulapho impendulo ithi, “Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni wakho,” utsho njalo uNandita.

Ungaphinda uqale nge ukwahlukana kwetyala ngaphambi kokuba ukhethe ukuqhawula umtshato, ukuze ubone ukuba umi phi. Ukuchitha ixesha kunye kuluncedo kakhulu kulwalamano oluneengxaki kwaye ngakumbi xa ucinga, "Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni?"

Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni wabantwana?” "Ndiyamcaphukela umyeni wam kodwa sinomntwana." Le yeminye yemibuzo kunye namathandabuzo aya kukhathaza ingqondo yakho xa ucinga ngokuphuma kumtshato ongonwabanga. Inoba wawutshate usemncinci kwaye benithandana kakhulu kodwa ngoku nohlukene. Mhlawumbi uhlala kwindawo apho amehlo anobuhlalu eya kuthi akujonge ngomzuzu nje ude ubuze lo mbuzo, “Ngaba kubhetele ukuqhawula umtshato okanye ukuhlala ungonwabanga emtshatweni?”

Ukunyaniseka, akusoze kube lula, kungakhathaliseki ukuba izimvo zakho zikhululekile kangakanani okanye ucinga ukuba ukhanyiselwe kangakanani. Sibekwe kwimeko yokubona umtshato njengento engcwele kwaye ukuchithwa kwawo kungumcimbi onzima kakhulu. Mhlawumbi lixesha lokuba sibone iimfuno zomntu ngamnye kunye nolonwabo njengento engcwele kwaye sisebenzele ezo. Siyathemba ukuba uya kuyifumana indlela eya kuyo nayiphi na indlela ekuzisela olona lonwabo. Nqwenelela impumelelo!

Uqhawulo-mtshato kunye neMedia yeNtlalo: Ungawuphatha njani uMxube oguquguqukayo

Iindlela ezi-5 ezizezinye zokuqhawuka komtshato ekufuneka uziqwalasele phambi kokuba Uwuyeke

IMicimbi ye-Intanethi: Ukubunjwa kwakhona kweNgcinga yokunyaniseka kuMtshato wale mihla

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

Jonga Inkqubo yethu yokuHlela

Dibana neBhodi yethu yoHlolo

Yabelana ngeNgxelo

Ithini impendulo yakho?

×

Uncedo Xela impazamo omnye

Ngenisa