Yintoni Umtshato Oxhomekeke Kuwo? Iimpawu, oonobangela, kunye neendlela zokulungisa

Ukuphenjelelwa ziimfuno zeqabane nokuziva unyanzelekile ukuzilungisa kuphakathi kwezalathi ezibonisa umtshato oxhomekeke kuwe. Nangona kunjalo, abantu bathanda ukulahla iimpawu zokuxhomekeka kwiingxelo ezinje: 

• "Ndizimele kakhulu ukuba ndingaxhomekeka", okanye 
• “Ndingakwazi njani ukuzimela xa iqabane lam lithembele kuye ukuze ndifumane inkxaso kunye noncedo?” 

Nokuba isekelwe ekukhanyeni okanye ekusweleni ukuqonda, ukuxhomekeka okungasonjululwanga akunampilo kwaye akuzinzileyo. Isenokukhokelela kwiingxaki ezinzulu zobudlelwane okanye kuqhawulo-mtshato, uphando ibonisa. Ke singabona njani kwaye silungise ukuxhomekeka kobudlelwane? 

Kweli nqaku, i-psychotherapist Gopa Khan (IiMasters kwi-Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), ejongene nomtshato kunye neengcebiso zosapho, inika ukukhanya kulo mbuzo: ingaba i-codependency ijongeka njani, umahluko phakathi kothando olusempilweni vs. Ukwabelana ngemizekelo yokuxhomekeka kwaye anike iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokoyisa ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni.

Yintoni Ukuxhomekeka Emtshatweni?

Igama elithi "codependent" ekuqaleni lalisetyenziselwa ukuchaza iipateni zobudlelwane babantu abathandanayo okanye ukwabelana ngobomi kunye namakhoboka okanye utywala. Enyanisweni, le mizekelo yaqala ukubonwa ngabafazi be Utywala a ngaziwa (AA) amalungu, ngokutsho uphando. Ngelixa loo paradigm isamile, iingcali zengqondo ngoku ziyavuma ukuba ukuxhomekeka kwikhowudi kunokuba sisiseko sobunye ubudlelwane obungasebenziyo. Ngoko ke, yintoni ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni? Ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni kunokuchazwa njengemeko apho:

• Elinye iqabane lixakeke kakhulu likhathalela elinye - ukuya kwinqanaba lokungazihoyi okanye ngokwasemzimbeni kunye ukudinwa ngokweemvakalelo
• Bagalela yonke into kubudlelwane, bacime iimfuno zabo, imida, kwaye ekugqibeleni, ukuziqonda kwabo 
• Bacacisa, banciphise, okanye bavumele ukuziphatha kakubi kweqabane labo 
• Baziva benoxanduva lweemvakalelo kunye nezenzo zeqabane labo kwaye bazama ukuhlangula, ukulungisa, okanye ukulawula okanye iingxaki zabo
• Banamathele kakhulu kumbono wokwenza ubudlelwane busebenze kangangokuba bazimisele ukwenza nantoni na ukuze bafumane ingqalelo kunye nothando abalufuna ngamandla.
• Ngokuhamba kwexesha, ukuxhomekeka kwabo kubudlelwane obungenampilo kuthatha ubunzima, kubaqhubela kwingxaki yesazisi 

Ingaba i-codependency ikhangeleka njani?

Kukhangeleka njani ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni? UGopa uthi: “Ukuba ucinga ngomtshato njengomzobo weVenn, izangqa ezibini ezidibana phakathi zimela ulwalamano olulungeleleneyo.

Apha, imvakalelo yesazisi yamaqabane kunye nokuzixabisa ziyadityaniswa. Kuba ubudlelwane bunika konke kwaye kuthathwe konke, kukho ukungalingani okubonakalayo kwiimfuno ezihlanganyelweyo. Ngokungafaniyo kwi ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke omnye komnye, iimfuno zeemvakalelo nezomzimba zeqabane elinye zilawula ngokupheleleyo kubudlelwane. Oku kwenzeka kuba xa kukho abantu ababini abaxhomekeke kubudlelwane, omnye wabo uqala:

• Ukungahoyi imida enempilo / ukusilela ukubeka imida kunye nokuzixakekisa ngokupheleleyo nge-SO yabo
• Ukunciphisa iimfuno zabo kunye nokuguqula ukuziphatha kwabo ngakumbi nangakumbi ukugcina iqabane labo lonwabile kwaye ligcine ubudlelwane
• Ukuziva udiniwe kwaye uvaleleke kubudlelwane njengoko iqabane labo liqala ukuziva linelungelo kulo lonke ixesha namandla abo; ukuzithemba kwabo kubetha ezantsi; kwaye ixhala, umsindo, ingqumbo, kunye noxinzelelo ludubula phezulu

Yintoni ebangela ukuxhomekeka?

I-Codependency yindlela yokuziphatha efundwayo enengcambu ehlala ilandelelwa kwiimfuno zomzimba nezeemvakalelo ezingafezekiyo ebuntwaneni kunye namava obomi bokuqala. Nantsi into ebangela ukuba ukuxhomekeka kuthathelwe kubudlelwane:

• Izimbo zobuzali: Zombini ezikhusela ngokugqithisileyo kunye nokuba ngumzali ongakhuselekanga kunokubangela ukuba abantwana bakhule izihlomelo ezingakhuselekanga kunye neempawu zokuxhomekeka. Abantwana abakhuselwe ngokugqithisileyo bafuna ukuqinisekiswa rhoqo. Kananjalo abakhe bafunde ukwenza izigqibo okanye ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo. Zonke ziimpawu zobuntu obuxhomekeke kuzo. Abantwana abangakhuselekanga badla ngokuziva bengakhuselekanga, bengathandwa, kwaye basesichengeni ngenxa yokungabikho komnatha wokhuseleko lwabazali kunye nenkxaso yeemvakalelo. Oku kubakhokelela ekubeni baphuhlise imiba yokuzimela efana nokoyika ukuba bodwa okanye ukwaliwa, ukukholisa abantu ababaxhaphazayo, okanye ukuziva ungakhululekanga ukujongana nabanye. 
• Iindawo ezixhomekeke kuzo: Ukukhula kufutshane nabazali ababelana ngezinto eziguqukayo kunokubangela ukuba umntwana aziphathe kakubi esemncinane kwaye azibonise kubudlelwane bothando lwabantu abadala. Abaphandi baye bafumanisa ukusebenza kwengqondo etshintshileyo kwiintsapho zabantu abanengxaki yokusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi kwaye bayinxibelelanisa nokuthambekela kokuxhomekeka. 
• Umonzakalo: Studies baye bafumanisa ukuba ukwenzakala kwasebuntwaneni, nokuba kungenxa yokungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo, ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesondo, ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngamazwi, okanye ukuxhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni, nako oko kubangela ukuxhomekeka. Apha ukuxhomekeka kukhula njengendlela yokuziva ukhuselekile, ukufumana ulawulo, okanye ukutshintsha iimvakalelo ezingalunganga - nangona kunqabile ukusebenza 

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I-11 iimpawu ezilumkiso zokuzimela emtshatweni

Abantu kaninzi abaqondi ukuba batyibilika kwipateni ezimeleyo okanye bayasokola ukuqaphela iimpawu zomntu ozimeleyo. Kungenxa yokuba kulula ukubhidanisa iimpawu zokuxhomekeka kunye nothando 'lokwenyani' okanye 'olungenamiqathango' - ubuncinane ekuqaleni. Ininzi yale nto ibulela inkcubeko ethandwayo, eye yathanda kakhulu ingcamango "yokutya konke" kunye "nokulahlekelwa nguwe" ngothando. 

Ulwakhiwo lwentlalo lukwakwenza kube nzima ukufumana indlela yokoyisa ukuxhomekeka. UGopa ucacisa esithi: “Kunzima ukwazi ukuxhomekeka kwibutho labantu apho abafazi noomama befanele ‘banyamekele’ iintsapho zabo baze bacinezele ubuntu babo ngenxa ‘yokulunga’ kwentsapho,” ucacisa ngelitshoyo uGopa, “Ngenxa yemeko yentlalontle, umfazi ozimeleyo usenokuvakalelwa kukuba kufuneka ahlale emtshatweni wakhe, kwanaxa exhatshazwa, njengoko ekugqala kufana nokuba ungubani.” Ngoko, unokwazi njani ukuba ujongene nokuxhomekeka emtshatweni? Okanye, ukuba unomyeni okanye umfazi oxhomekeke kuye? Nazi iimpawu ezili-11 ezicacileyo zokuxhomekeka:

1. Akukho mahluko phakathi 'thina' kunye 'nam'

Olu lolunye lweempawu ezicacileyo zokuxhomekeka emtshatweni: omabini amaqabane ajongana njengento enye kwaye enze into enye. Ekugqibeleni, ubomi babo budibene kakhulu kunye nolwabo Ulwalamano luba lukhuni kakhulu ukuba abayazi indlela yokuphila okanye ukusebenza njengabantu ngabanye. Ngaba uyafuna ukwazi ukuba yintoni ukuxhomekeka emtshatweni okanye ukuba ubudlelwane bakho obuguquguqukayo bunotyekelo lokuxhomekeka? Zibuze: 

• Ngaba uchitha ixesha nabahlobo bakho / usapho lwakho uwedwa ngamanye amaxesha okanye ngaba iqabane lakho lihlala likuwe? 
• Ngaba izinto ozithandayo, izinto ongazithandiyo, izinto ozonwabisa ngazo, izinto onomdla kuzo, indlela oziva ngayo, neembono zehlabathi zibotshelelwe kwezamaqabane akho?
• Ngaba kunzima kuwe ukwenza izigqibo ngaphandle kwabo?
• Ngaba uziva ulahlekile okanye uxhalabile ukuba nahlukene? Ngaba ke uhlala ujonga kuzo?

Ukuba awukwazi ukuqonda ukuba ungubani ngaphandle komtshato wakho, yithathe njengeflegi ebomvu.

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2. Uxanduva olugwenxa luphakathi kweempawu zokuxhomekeka

"Ndazi njani ukuba iqabane lam libonisa iimpawu zomntu ozimeleyo?" "Ngaba singabalingane ababini kubudlelwane?" Ukuba yiloo nto uyibuzayo, jonga indlela enisabelana ngayo nobabini ngoxanduva. Kumtshato onotyekelo lokuxhomekeka, umthwalo weembopheleleko uwela ngokuthe ngqo kwiqabane elinye, ekugqibeleni:

• Ukukhathalela yonke inkalo yobomi bakho ekwabelwana ngayo
• Ukwenza zonke izicwangciso 
• Ukuchola konke ukuyekelela, kwaye
• Ukusombulula zonke iingxaki kubudlelwane ngokunjalo nobomi bakho bomntu ngamnye  

Unokuzixelela ukuba wena okanye “ukwenza konke” ngenxa yothando. Nangona kunjalo, konke oku kwenziwa kukuvumela iipateni kunye nokuziphatha okungenzi ubudlelwane obuphilileyo okanye umtshato ophilileyo.

3. Ubutyala kunye netyala yindlela enye

Ubutyala be-codependency akukho ngqiqweni. Ikwayindlela enye. Umntu oxhomekeke kuye uya kuziva enetyala okanye embi ngokungeyomfuneko ngezinto angazange azenze kwaye angakwazi ukuzilawula okanye ukuzitshintsha. Okanye kwanezinto eziyimpazamo yeqabane labo. Ke, xa iqabane labo lifumana i-DUI, ngandlel’ ithile baziva benoxanduva kuyo. Okanye, bayayicingela indlela ebebenokwenza ngayo into ukuyinqanda. 

Ukuba iqabane labo lilibale ukubalanda abantwana esikolweni, endaweni yokubathwala uxanduva, bazibethela ngokungakhumbuzi. Amaqabane abo adla ngokusebenzisa olu tyekelo ukuze abaleke lonke ityala. Okanye, babeke ityala ekufumaneni oko bakufunayo. Xa elinye iqabane liziva linoxanduva kuyo yonke into eyenzekayo komnye okanye livumela iqabane labo ukuba libenze bazive ngaloo ndlela, ngomnye wemizekelo ebalaseleyo yokuxhomekeka emtshatweni.

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4. Ukufihla ukuziphatha kakubi kweqabane lakho

Ingaba i-codependency ikhangeleka njani? Ngamanye amaxesha, kubonakala ngathi:   

• Xa elinye iqabane liziphatha kakubi emva kokuba linxilile ethekweni, elinye liyayifihla okanye lizithethelele ngalo.
• Ukuba elinye iqabane lilahlekelwa sisixa esikhulu semali ekungcakazeni okanye lenze olunye uhlobo lwe ukungathembeki kwezemali, njengokwenza amatyala ekhadi lokuthenga ngetyala, omnye ugrumba imali yawo ukuze akhuphe ibheyile

Kulwalamano olunjalo, elinye iqabane liyalikhusela elinye kwimiphumo yezenzo zalo. Maxa wambi, oku kubaziindleko zokubandakanya izazela zabo okanye ukwaphula umthetho. Kwaye kuvela kuloyiko lokujongana, ukucaphukisa, ukuphoxa, okanye ukuphulukana neqabane labo. Ukuba ukwimeko efanayo, khumbula, iqabane lakho ngumntu omdala ofanele azi ukuba izenzo nezigqibo zabo zinemiphumo.

Ukwaphula ipateni, kuya kufuneka uvumele iqabane lakho ukuba licoce ubumdaka babo, endaweni yokuzama ukusombulula zonke iingxaki kubo.

Gopa Khan, ugqirha wengqondo

5. Iqabane elinye liyaxolela kwaye lixolele

Nakuba uxolelo kubudlelwane ibalulekile, ithathwa ngokugqithisileyo kwi-codependent dynamic. Kwakhona iba lilungelo lodwa leqabane elinye. Abantu abaxhomekeke kwi-codependents baxolela ngokulula yonke into engalunganga, yonke impazamo, yonke impazamo yeqabane labo ngaphandle kokubanika uxanduva.

NgokukaGopa, oku kubangelwa kukoyika ukulahlwa nokuba wedwa. Ke, bahlala bekhulula iqabane labo kuyo nayiphi na into engalunganga ngethemba lokuba baya kuyibona impazamo yeendlela zabo okanye utshintsho. Kodwa ngaphandle kokuba baphenduliswa ngezenzo zabo, kutheni benokuthi?

6 Kumtshato oxhomekeke kuwe, utshintsho aluyonto ilunge ngakumbi 

Sonke siyavela ngexesha kwaye akukho mntu unokubanga ukuba ungumntu ofanayo nalowo wayenguye kwiminyaka emi-5, eyi-10, okanye engama-20 eyadlulayo. Kodwa, kunye nabantu ababini abaxhomekeke kubudlelwane, olu tshintsho alukho ngcono. Masiqonde ukuba njani. Xa uvavanya ukuba i-codependency ijongeka njani, uya kufumana into enye elahlekileyo-igama elithi no.

I-Codependents irhweba ngokuzithemba ukuze kuqinisekiswe. Baziva benyanzelekile ukuba bathi ewe kuyo yonke into efunwa liqabane labo. Bakwachitha ixesha elininzi bedanisa kwimo yeqabane labo kwaye baxhomekeke ngokweemvakalelo kangangokuba baphulukane nokunxibelelana neemvakalelo zabo. Ekugqibeleni, baya kugqiba ukuzijongela phantsi.

Iingcinga zabo, iimbono zabo, iimvakalelo zabo, kunye nezazisi zabo zingcwatywa nzulu kangangokuba bangakwazi ukufikelela kuzo - nokuba bayafuna. Ukungakuthi hayi, ukuvumela umntu ukuba akuxelele indlela oziva ngayo kunye nokwenza ngayo, ukucela uxolo ngezinto ongaziphenduliyo, ukutyeshela ukuzinyamekela - zonke ezi zizibonakaliso ukuba unikezela amandla akho kunye nezandulela zokuyeka iinxalenye zakho. Kwaye akukho budlelwane bufanelekile.

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7. Kukho umnakekeli oqhubekayo kunye nexhoba elingunaphakade

Ukude, izibini ezizimeleyo zisenokubonakala ngathi ziphambene eluthandweni. Kodwa ujongo olusondeleyo luya kubonisa ukuba omnye wabo wenza uninzi lothando kunye nenkathalo. Elo qabane lidla ngokusebenza njengomnakekeli/umniki kwaye omnye uthatha indima yexhoba/umthathi kubudlelwane. Yintoni eyahlula izibini ezinjalo kukuba: 

• Akukho qabane liphumayo kwindima yalo. Akukho ukuphisana okanye ukupha nokuthatha okunempilo 
• Kukho ukungalingani okukhulu kwamandla apho umntu ahlala ethobela omnye kwaye azincame kunye nentlalontle yakhe egameni lothando lokungazingci - ukuya kwinqanaba lokudinwa.
• Abantu ababini abaxhomekeke kubudlelwane bondla omnye komnye iipateni ezimbi  

8. Umniki uziva elahlekile ngaphandle kwesazisi 'somhlanguli'

Khawube nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wale meko. Iqabane lakho ekugqibeleni lithatha isigqibo sokuyeka ukusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala okanye iziyobisi kwaye lingene kwi-rehab. Okanye, baqala ukusebenzela ekubeni liqabane elinoxanduva elinokwabelana ngemithwalo yakho kwaye likunikeze inkxaso. Kodwa endaweni yokuziva unethemba kwaye ukhululeke ngolu tshintsho lweziganeko, uziva ulahlekile kwaye uvinjwa. 

Ukukhathalela kunye nokuhlangula iqabane kudla ngokuba yeyona nto iphambili kubomi bomntu ozimeleyo. Baziva belahlekile ngaphandle kwayo.

Akunto ingaqhelekanga ukuba umntu ophayo okanye umhlanguli kumtshato oxhomekeke kumtshato oxhomekeke ekudandathekeni okanye acaphuke xa iqabane lakhe ligqiba ekubeni liqalise ukwenza imigudu yokuba bhetele. Basenokude benze isiphithiphithi ngabom ukuze baphinde banxibe umnqwazi womhlanguli. Kananjalo ayiqhelekanga into yokuba umntu okwaziyo ukuqhubela phambili emtshatweni afune omnye umntu 'onokusindisa'.

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9. Ukoyika ukuba wedwa kukugcina unamathele emtshatweni

USharon (igama litshintshiwe) wayeneminyaka engama-30 ubudala yaye wayejongene nokukhula kweenkxalabo zabazali ngenxa yokungatshati kwakhe xa wadibana noJared, owayesele etshatile. Wameyisela ekubeni atshate naye. Ngelishwa, kamsinya nje emva komtshato, uJared wamthuka waza wamphatha kakubi ngokwasemzimbeni. Nangona uSharon wakwaziyo ukuxhatshazwa, wahlala ekukhanyele. Waziva enoxanduva ngemeko yakhe yaye wavakalelwa kukuba ufanele ‘ayamkele’ kuba esoyika ukuba yedwa.

UGopa uthi: “Olu lolona phawu lubalaseleyo lokuxhomekeka kulwalamano, apho umntu evakalelwa kukuba akanakuphila ubomi obunye ngaphandle kobo akubo, iimeko zolutsha oluzama ukuzibulala xa ulwalamano lwalo luqhawuka kuba luvakalelwa kukuba alunakukwazi ukuqhubeka ebomini ngaphandle kwalo lukwayimizekelo yokuxhomekeka kwabanye.

Kubantu abaxhomekeke kubo, uloyiko lokuba wedwa ludla ngokudodobalisa. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni bazinze kwindawo engenampilo okanye ubudlelwane obunetyhefu kwaye banikele ngako konke ukuyilungisa kwaye bayenze isebenze. Nangona kunjalo, akukho budlelwane bunokugcinwa ngaphandle kokuqala ukulungisa iipateni ezineziphene ngokwendalo.

10. Imiba yokulawula kunye nokuxhalaba ziimpawu eziphambili zokuxhomekeka

Ngaba abaxhomekeke kuwe bayalawula? Banokuba njalo. Ukuxhomekeka kunye nemiba yolawulo ihlala inxibelelana. Umniki uqhutyelwa ukulawula yonke into - ukuziphatha okufundiweyo ekukhuleni kwiindawo ezingasebenziyo okanye eziphazamisayo, eziye zabashiya beziva bengalawuleki. Kwakhona baxhalaba ngokugqithiseleyo, naxa izinto zihamba kakuhle. Kwaye, bahlala belindele ukuba esinye isihlangu siwe kuba yipatheni abayiqhelileyo. Umthathi kubudlelwane obuxhomekeke kuyo, okwangoku, uzimisele ukuncama lonke ulawulo ekuqaleni kodwa uza kukucaphukela kamva.

11. Amaqabane axhomekeke kuwo ayasokola ukuqhawula umtshato 

Uyazi ukuba kukho into engahambi kakuhle kubudlelwane bakho. Ukuxhalaba rhoqo, umsindo, okanye ingqumbo ixhaphake kakhulu ukuba ingahoywa. Kodwa awukwazi ukuza ngokwakho wuyeke umtshato kwaye wenze isiqalo esitsha. Mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba:

• Ingcinga nje yokuqhawula umtshato ikwenza ube netyala neentloni 
• Uziqinisekisile ukuba iqabane lakho alinakuphila ngaphandle kwakho. Ke, ingcinga yokubuyisela ubomi bakho ifana nokutshabalalisa obabo, okanye 
• Ingcamango yokuba impilo-ntle yeqabane lakho luxanduva lwakho iye yendele ngokunzulu kangangokuba ukuhlukana nalo ngokwakho kuye kwaphantse kwaba yinto engenakwenzeka.

UGopa uthi: “Le yeyona nkalo inzima yokuxhomekeka emtshatweni kuba kusenokuba yinyaniso ukuba ubani akanakukwazi ukuhlangabezana nemeko ngaphandle kweqabane lakhe. Yiyo loo nto ukuqonda ukuxhomekeka, ngakumbi iimpawu zokuxhomekeka, kwaye ukufumana iindlela zokuyilungisa kubalulekile. 

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Ngaba ukuxhomekeka kusempilweni emtshatweni? Hayi akunjalo. Ngaphandle kokuba uthando luhamba ngeendlela zombini kwaye ngokulinganayo kubudlelwane, alunakubizwa ngokuba lulungile. Yaye ayinakuchazwa njengothando lokwenene. Ke, ngaba ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwikhowudi bungasindiswa? Ngaba isibini ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka? Ewe, ukuba iimpawu kunye nezigaba zokuxhomekeka zibonwa kwangoko kwaye uncedo lobuchwephesha okanye iingcebiso zomtshato ziyafunwa, ngokutsho koku. isifundo. 

Ukuba uzama ukuqonda indlela yokuphepha ukuxhomekeka okanye ukuxhomekeka kancinci kwiqabane lakho, uGopa unengcebiso malunga nokuyeka ukuxhomekeka okungenampilo, ukuphilisa umtshato oxhomekeke kuwe, kunye nokwenza ubudlelwane obunempilo:

1. Banga kwakhona ubuwena

“Ukugxila ekuphuhliseni ubuwena, ukuxabiseka kwakho, ukuzibona kwakho, kunye nengqikelelo yesiqu sakho kubalulekile ekuhlanganiseni kunye iphazili yendlela yokoyisa ukuxhomekeka,” utsho uGopa. Ukuze wenze oku, kufuneka:

• Thatha ixesha 'lam' 
• Gcina ubuhlobo bakho bomntu ngamnye, izinto ozithandayo, kunye nemisebenzi 
• Phuma kwindawo yakho yokuthuthuzela kwaye ukhululeke ekulandeleni ukuzimela

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2. Gxininisa ekuzinyamekeleni

UGopa uthi: “Umkhwa wokunyamekela obonwa kubantu abaxhomekeke kuwe udla ngokumiselwa kwasebuntwaneni. Ukuthintela ukuxhomekeka kunye nokuthanda umntu ukuba adinwe, zama: 

• Yiba nobubele kuwe kwaye funda ukuzithanda
• Phonononga ngabom amaxabiso akho angundoqo kunye nento oyifunayo kubudlelwane
• Yenza umkhwa wokuchaza into oyifunayo kwaye ujonge indlela oziva ngayo rhoqo

3. Hlaziya into onoxanduva layo kunye nento ongeyiyo

NgokukaGopa, ukufumana indlela yokoyisa ubuxoki bekhowudi, kufuneka:

• Yazi ukuba awunaxanduva ngobugxwayiba beqabane lakho
• Yeka ukucinga ukuba nguwe kuphela onokulungisa iingxaki zabo
• Kuphephe ukwenza abantu obathandayo baxhomekeke kuwe ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba bangakwazi ukuzinyamekela
• Qonda ukuba xa umntu exhaphaza, esebenzisa izinto, okanye uyaqhatha, nguye yedwa onoxanduva lokuziphatha kwakhe
• Wuyeke utyekelo lokuziva unetyala okanye ukufihla/ukufihla imeko yakho kwamanye amalungu osapho 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Imizekelo ye-9 yeMida yoMvakalelo kubudlelwane

4. Beka imida

Ukuba uye wazibuza, "Ngaba ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwi-codependent bungagcinwa?", Yazi ukuba ayinakwenziwa ngokungabikho kwemida ephilileyo. UGopa uthi: “Bade bavumele ukuqhawuka kwemida, abo baxhomekeke kubo baya kuqhubeka beziva bengento yanto kwaye bengalawuleki kubudlelwane babo. Ukulungisa ukuxhomekeka kunye nokuzikhusela, kuya kufuneka ufunde ukuzimela kwaye beka imida ngexesha lakho, indawo yakho, amandla, imali, kunye nokuziphatha oya kuthi kwaye ongayi kukunyamezela. 

5. Yaphula iipateni ezingafanelekanga

Ukuphelisa uxhomekeko emtshatweni akuthethi ukuwuphelisa umtshato, kodwa ukuphepha iipateni ezixhomekeke kuzo uze endaweni yazo ube nezisempilweni. Ukulungisa umtshato oxhomekeke kuwe, unokufuna: 

• Buza ukuba kutheni uvuma into ethile kwaye unalo na ixesha/amandla ayo endaweni yokuthi ewe kwangoko
• Yahlukana nokugqibelela kwaye usete izinto ezilindelekileyo malunga nawe, iqabane lakho kunye nobudlelwane
• Vumela iqabane lakho lijongane nezalo iingxaki 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukulungisa uBudlelwane obunobutyhefu - Iindlela ezingama-21 zokuPhilisa KUNYE

6. Fumana uncedo

Ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka akuyondlwan' iyanetha kwaye indlela yokubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo ayingqalanga, ikhawuleza, okanye ilula. Ukuhamba ngempumelelo kwi-conundrum yendlela yokoyisa ukuxhomekeka, kuya kufuneka uphuhlise amaqhinga okumelana, waphule iipateni ezindala, kwaye uhlengahlengise ukucinga okungalunganga. Oko kunokufuna unyango.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo, kukho abanamava abacebisi ku Bonoiphaneli yebology ngubani ongakuvuyela ukukunceda. Ukujoyina iqela lenkxaso, njengaye UAl-Anon okanye iiAlcoholics Anonymous, zinokukunceda ukuba ufumane imbono yangaphandle kwaye umelane nokuxhomekeka.

NgokukaGopa, inkqubo yokuphilisa umtshato oxhomekeke kuwe inokuqala kuphela xa uqala ukuphinda uzibone kwaye ugxile kuwe nakwiimfuno zakho. “Ekuqaleni, ukufunda indlela yokulwa nokuxhomekeka kulwalamano olusenyongweni kunye nokwahlukana ngempumelelo nemikhwa emidala kusenokuba nzima. Kulapho ukufuna unyango kunokukunceda uhlale usendleleni uze uhlale ukhumbula imigibe yokwenza umtshato ozimeleyo usebenze kunye nokwakha ubuhlobo obunempilo.”

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