Iimpawu ezingama-21 zoMyeni weNarcissistic kunye nendlela yokuhlangabezana nayo

What if besikuxelela ukuba wathandana nomyeni wakho onxakayo for the same characters udelela kuye namhlanje? Izinto ezinje ngokuzithemba, ukuzithemba, kunye nobuzibuthe, ezinomtsalane kakhulu kumntu onokuba liqabane, zinokufikelela ngokulula kwi-egoism, ukuzicingela, kunye nokukhohlisa. Kungenxa yoko le nto kudla ngokuba nzima ukubona iiflegi ezibomvu kwindlela yokuziphatha ye-narcissist kwizigaba zokuqala zobudlelwane.

Kodwa ngenye indlela okanye enye, uye waqonda ukuba usenokuba uye waphathwa ngekhadi elinzima-umyeni, ukulibeka ngobulali. Kwaye ngoku uzama ukuqiniseka ukuba imiceli mngeni ojongene nayo kubudlelwane bakho inokubekwa ngamagama, ilinganiswe - kwaye ngethemba - isonjululwe. Ukuqaphela iimpawu zomyeni we-narcissistic ngokuqhelekileyo linyathelo lokuqala kolu hambo, kulandelwa izicwangciso zokujongana nabantu abanjalo.

Sinomcebisi wengqondo uJaseena Backer (MS Psychology), ingcali yokulawula isini nobudlelwane, ukuze acacise iimpawu zakudala zendoda ezithandayo, iimpawu ezibonisa indlela eziphatha ngayo, kunye neengcebiso zokusinda kwindoda ezithandayo.

Ngubani iNarcissist?

“Umntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga ufana nebhakede elinomngxuma ezantsi. Nokuba ufaka malini, awunakuze uyizalise,” utshilo uGqr. Ramani Durvasula, umbhali wencwadi ethi Should I Stay or Should I Go: How to Survive a Relationship with a Narcissist. Kwiminyaka embalwa edlulileyo, kubekho ingqwalasela eninzi phakathi kweengcali zengqondo malunga nokuzithanda. I-Narcissistic Personality Disorder ithathwa njengengxaki enkulu yobuntu. I-Psychologists' Bible, i- The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( DSM -5 ), ichaza imikhwa yokuzithanda ngolu hlobo:

• Ukuziva ubalulekile
• Imigangatho ephakamileyo yokuphumelela, amandla, ubuhle
• Inkolelo yokuba "zizodwa"
• Ukufuna ukunconywa okugqithisileyo
• Imvakalelo yokuba nelungelo
• Ukukwazi ukuxhaphaza kunye nokusebenzisa abanye
• Ukungabi naluvelwano
• Umona ngabanye, okanye inkolelo yokuba abanye bayabamonela
• Ukuzigwagwisa, impatho yekratshi nezimo zengqondo

Le nkcazo iyadinisa ngokwaneleyo ukuyifunda, ingasathethwa ke ngokuhlala nayo. Khawucinge nje ngendlela yokujongana neqabane elizithandayo wedwa! Indoda ezithandayo isenokungabi kukuxhaphaza okanye ukuba nogonyamelo kuwe, kodwa ukufuna kwayo ingqalelo rhoqo kunokukutyhafisa, njengoko uhambahamba phezu kwamaqokobhe amaqanda ajikeleze yona rhoqo.

Isiphumo esisecaleni sokutshata ne-narcissist kukuba ukuzithemba kwakho kunokuthatha ukubetha njengoko ubhekisa onke amandla akho ekulawuleni ukungakhuseleki kwakhe. Uxilongo oluchanekileyo lwe-NPD lunokunikwa kuphela ngugqirha wezempilo yengqondo, kodwa ezi mpawu zilandelayo ze-narcissistic umyeni ziya kukunika umbono olungileyo wento ochasene nayo.

Iimpawu zoMyeni weNarcissistic

Nangona benokuzithemba, amadoda azithandayo ahlala engonwabanga ngaphakathi, kwaye ukuhlala nendoda ezithandayo kunemingeni yayo. Bayasokola ngenkqubela yabanye ngenxa yokukhuphisana, umona, ukungabi nantlonipho, kunye nemithwalo EMNINZI yeemvakalelo . Iimpawu zendoda ezithandayo zininzi kangangokuba zinokuziva ngathi sisohlwayo sokwenene, njengoko iqabane labo libona ubudlelwane babo bothando buwela emngxunyeni imihla ngemihla.

UJaseena ucacisa athi, “Ukutshata nomntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga kuthetha ukujongana neengcinga zakhe, ukurhawuzelelwa, ukuqhushumbiswa ngothando, njl. Kuyadida ukujongana nale ngxubakaxaka kwaye ungazibuza, “Ingaba ndiyaphazama ndaweni ithile? Okanye uthanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga?” Ukuba nomntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga kufuna ukuba ulwe ulungele ngokupheleleyo. Ngaphambi kokuba ufunde indlela yokumvala umntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga, uza kufuna ukwazi ukuba ujongene nantoni na apha. Nantsi indlela okuvakala ngayo ukuba kubudlelwane nomntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga.

1. Kufuneka alawule

Olu luphawu lwendoda oluqhelekileyo oluthanda ukuzingca. Iza kugxininisa ekubeni ibe nelizwi lokugqibela ngalo lonke ixesha. Ayizukuphinda icinge kabini ngaphambi kokuba irhoxise izicwangciso okanye yenze ezintsha ngaphandle kokukubonisana nawe. Izinto MAZIZENZEKE ngendlela yayo kungenjalo iza kuqumba ide iphele. Indoda ethanda ukuzingca inamandla angaqhelekanga okwenza yonke into ngayo. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni ilawule izinto kancinci. Le mfuno yokuzingca ngamaxesha onke ayiloncedo kwaye ibonisa ukuba izama ukulawula ubudlelwane.

UJaseena uthi, “Ubuntu obulawulayo ngomnye wemiqondiso yokuqala. “Yindlela yam okanye uhola wendlela.” Kulwalamano oluphilileyo, omabini amaqabane ayahlangabezana neemfuno neminqweno yomnye.

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2. Ukubeka phantsi

Ungazi njani ukuba ujongene nomntu othanda ukuzingca? Uza kuthetha nawe ngendlela ethobekileyo, rhoqo encoma/ekubulela ngokungakhathali. Kuya kubonakala ukuba akakuhloniphi . Kwezinye iimeko, uza kuzama ukuzincoma ngempumelelo yakho. Nantsi intetho eqhelekileyo — “Jonga indlela owenze kakuhle ngayo phantsi kwesikhokelo sam.”

Ngokusisiseko, yonke into oyenzayo ngokufanelekileyo kungenxa yakhe; yonke into ayenzayo engalunganga kungenxa yakho. Wazilibala izitshixo zemoto xa ephuma? “Kutheni ungandikhumbuzi nje ukuba ndiwathathe?” yinto yokuqala ephuma emlonyeni wakhe. Ngaba usoloko ukhalaza, “Umyeni wam oyinarcissist undigxeka ngayo yonke into!”? Kaloku, awuwedwa! Ngenxa yokuba umntu onama-narcissist uya kuhlala efumana indlela yokukugxeka, ukushiya ukuzithemba kwakho kuphazamisekile.

3. Unomtsalane kwaye ngokuphandle ngokwesini

Ewe, oku kungavakala ngathi luphawu oluhle kodwa eneneni lutyekelo lokuzithanda. Kungenxa yokuba indoda ezithandayo izithemba kakhulu; ibonakalisa ubuhle kwaye ubuchule bayo bunokubangela ikhemikhali enkulu yesondo . Kodwa, kukuqhelisela nje ukuzibamba. Iindlela zayo ezigudileyo zisenokubonakala zingathandeki emva kwexesha elithile. Umdla uyaphela uze umbone ukuba ungumntu ozithandayo ngokwenene.

Le mpawu narcissist ngokulula ukuguqulela kumyeni narcissistic ukukopela imeko, apho ezama ukukhulisa ngokwakhe phezulu ingqalelo ngokwesondo kwabanye abantu. Kuthathele ingqalelo oku njengenye yeempawu zobudlelwane obuchubekileyo be-narcissistic.

4. Inkxaso iyakhethwa

Usenokuziva ngathi umi ngakuwe ngokwenene. Ngokuqinisekileyo, unako. Kodwa kuphela kwiimeko ezithile - ezo zibonakalisa kakuhle ngaye. Uya kuza kwisidlo sakho somnatha, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba enebhongo ngawe kodwa ukuze akwazi ukuchukumisa abanye. Igama olikhangelayo leloku "zisebenzela" kwaye olo phawu luxhaphakile kwi-narcissist. Kuyoyikeka ukujongana nendoda enochuku kuba izimisele ukwenza umzamo logama nje isiphumo sivumelana naye.

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5. Unoluvo lokuba unelungelo

Ukufunda indlela yokuhlala nendoda ethanda ukutshata nomntu o ...

UJaseena ucacisa esithi: “Abafazi basoloko bevakalelwa kukuba bakwisiphelo esiyingozi kumtshato onjalo.” Ngenxa yokuba amadoda anjalo eqinisekile ngendima yawo kulwalamano lwawo, loo nto ibangela ukuba umntu azive efanelekile, nto leyo ethetha ukuba iimbono zeqabane azikhathalelwa.

6. Uyazithanda iincoko… malunga naye

"Umyeni wam wenza yonke into ngaye!" Ivakala iqhelekile? Umyeni wakho uyamamela iingxaki zakho kodwa uzenza ngaye. Uthanda ukubamba ingqalelo yesihlwele, kodwa kuphela ukuze aqhayise ngezinto aziphumezileyo ngaphandle kokunikela ngqalelo okanye ancome komnye umntu. Uziva ungavakali kubudlelwane kuba akanamdla kakhulu okanye akabandakanyekanga ebomini bakho. Ngamaxesha anqabileyo xa ekumamela, kukho “umyeni ongenaluvelwano” owahlukileyo kwaye oqhelekileyo. Uthandwa nguye, kwaye akukho nto ingako onokuyenza ngayo.

7 Akawazalisekisi amadinga akhe

Le yenye yeempawu ezichaza i-narcissistic: akafane agcine izithembiso zakhe kuwe. Enye yeziphumo eziphambili ze-narcissism kwiqabane kukuba uziva ungaxabisekanga ngenxa yoko. Isenokungabi ngabom, kodwa akacingi ukuba yinto enkulu. Ukuze azive elungile, uya kukuthembisa inyanga. Kodwa xa kufika ixesha lokuyixhasa ngezenzo, uya kuwela emva kakhulu.

Olu phawu luqhelekileyo lwendoda ezithandayo lunokubangela iingxaki zokuthembana emtshatweni. Ukungazilandeli izithembiso ngokuphindaphindiweyo kunemiphumo emibi kakhulu kwaye kunokukhokelela ekuqhekekeni kobudlelwane. Usenokuba uzijongela phantsi, ukuba, nangona umi izihlandlo ezininzi, usathi, "Ingaba umyeni wam uzithandayo okanye ungumntu nje othanda ubugovu?"

8. Iingxaki zakho zibonwa ngeprism yakhe

Yithi ujongene nemeko embi ebomini - ukugxothwa, ukuphulukana nomntu omthandayo, okanye imeko ehlazisayo ebandakanya isihlobo okanye umhlobo. Udinga inkxaso kule meko isengozini, kodwa umyeni wakho wenza ntoni? Uyazibuza ukuba kuya kuchaphazela njani igama lakhe okanye ubomi bakhe. Olu lolona phawu luxelayo ukuba umyeni wakho uyazicingela.

Kwanezicombululo zakhe zisenokuhluzwa ngaloo njongo yokuzingca. Ukubeka wena kuqala akukho kwi-ajenda yakhe. Kwaye ekubeni ukujongana ne-passive-aggressive narcissist iqabane lobomi akuyi kuba yinto ephambili yakho xa inguye ofuna inkxaso, kuya kukhokelela kwiingxabano ezininzi. Le yindlela i-narcissism kunye nobudlelwane buba ngumjikelo okhohlakeleyo wokuzizalisekisa.

9. Izimvo zabanye zibalulekile kuye

Ekubeni i-narcissist ifuna ukuvunyelwa ngabanye, isenokungaluxabisi ukhetho okanye uluvo lwakho kwimibandela. Ngapha koko, sele ukwibhegi kwaye akasafuni kukuchukumiseka. Oku kuziphatha yinxalenye yomjikelo wokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic apho akulahlileyo kwaye uziphatha ngendlela eyahlukileyo kunye nawe emva kweengcango ezivaliweyo. Kwelinye icala, ibalulekile kuye into ecingwa ngabamelwane, abaphathi, abahlobo okanye abantu abaziyo.

Izenzo zomyeni wakho ozicingela yedwa zokukholisa abantu kumele ukuba zikukhathazile ngaxa lithile. UJaseena uthi, “Uza kufuna ukuqinisekiswa ngabantu bakhe. Oku kuyakhathaza iqabane kuba imizamo yalo ayisoloko ijoliswe emtshatweni. Umntu uziva engakhathalelwanga ngokweemvakalelo xa iqabane lakhe elizingcayo ligxile ekuzuzeni abanye.”

10. Umyeni onenkani uyakhuphisana nawe

Ukuba utshatile kumyeni we-narcissist, oku kuya kuvakala kuqhelekile! Ukuhlala utshate neqabane lobomi be-narcissistic kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuba nobabini nisemsebenzini omnye. Okanye okubi ngakumbi, kwiofisi enye. Ukuziva unomona ngeqabane lakho xa lisenza into obusoloko uzama ukuyenza ixesha elide kunokuba yindalo.

Kodwa ubomi kunye nomyeni we-narcissistic buya kumbandakanya ukuphosa ukulingana rhoqo xa ufezekisa into ethile. Lo mnqweno wokuphumelela ugqatso mhlawumbi uyindawo yosukuzwano emtshatweni wakho; ukuba uyanyuselwa kodwa akakufumani, uThixo akuncede. Usenokude ade asebenzise isikhundla sakhe emsebenzini ukuzama ukonakalisa impumelelo yakho. Usazibuza, ingaba i-narcissist?

11. I-narcissist iloba ngenjongo yokuncoma

Ngelixa ukuzithemba kunokuba yenye yeempawu ze-narcissistic, isikolo seengcinga sicebisa ukuba "babonakala" kuphela ukuba bazithembile. Umzekelo ocacileyo wokuziphatha kwe-narcissistic kubudlelwane ukuba abafumani ngqalelo eyaneleyo, bayayifuna. Kwaye ngokwesiqhelo, basebenzisa abanye abantu-kaninzi abo balulamileyo okanye abathobekileyo-ukubabonelela ngoqinisekiso olufunekayo kwimvakalelo yabo ephakamileyo yokuzixabisa.

Indoda ethanda ukuzingca yenza yonke into ngaye kwaye isoloko ifuna ukuzisa incoko kuyo ukuze yonwabele ukugqalwa. Yiyo loo nto ungafanele ukondle ii-ego zayo ngokuzincoma. Ukungakhathalelwa kuya kuyenza ibe lusizi ngoko nangoko loo mntu uzithandayo.

12. Ufuna ukuba nelizwi lokugqibela kwingxabano

Indoda ecinga ukuba ayinakwenza nto imbi ibizwa ngokuba… ngumyeni wakho? Imikhwa yokuthanda iqabane elithanda isondo ibangela ukuba lihlale lifuna ukuba nelizwi lokugqibela kuyo nayiphi na ingxabano. Ukulwa kuyinxalenye yolwalamano ngalunye. Kodwa ukuphikisana nomyeni othanda isondo kuyinto engenamsebenzi. Njengoko ethanda isandi selizwi lakhe, akakuvumeli ukuba uthethe. Ingxabano iba yimfazwe yokuzingca kwaye isisombululo sengxabano siyaphela. Akunakwenzeka ukumenza aqonde imbono yakho kuba ulwela “ukuphumelela”, kungekhona ukusombulula ingxaki.

UJaseena uthi: “Kunzima gqitha ukuhlala nenkazana. Ukuba umyeni wakho uxakeke kakhulu kukuphumelela iingxoxo-ezinkulu nezincinci-yenye yeempawu ezibonisa ukuba ujongene ne-narcissist.

13. Akanabahlobo abaninzi

Ukuba uneqabane le-narcissistic, uya kuqaphela ukuba bangaze benze abahlobo abafanelekileyo. Zibuze enoba umyeni wakho unabo na abahlobo abafanelekileyo. Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Kwaye iziphumo zokutshata nenkazana zikwenza ukuba uphulukane neyakho nawe.

Ama-Narcissists anabantu abaqhelene nabo abanokuthi bahlale kunye nabo okanye abondla i-egos yabo. Yiyo loo nto i-narcissist isokola ngokugcina unxibelelwano ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ekugqibeleni, abantu bayayeka ukubanelisa, ngoko bayadikwa kubudlelwane. Bafuna abantu ukuba babathande, kodwa abanakukwazi ukuthanda abantu emva - ezinjalo ziyimigangatho ephindwe kabini ye-narcissist!

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14. Kulungele ukuphononongwa kakhulu

Ekuqaleni, indlela akugxeka ngayo ingabonakala ngathi yintlekisa. Kodwa kungekudala uyaqaphela ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuthetha nomyeni othanda ukuzingca kuba uhlekisa ngayo yonke into oyithethayo okanye oyenzayo. Kunokuba nzima ukuhlala nomntu ocinga ukuba unomdla wokuhlekisa kodwa eneneni, esebenzisa amahlaya njengesixhobo sokukuthoba isidima kwaye eneneni luphawu lolwalamano olungenampilo.

Umsindo wakhe ufikelela kwizigculelo, kwaye akazi kwaphela ukuba ukwenzakalisa. Xa umntu ehlekisa ngenkangeleko yakho, loo nto ichaphazela ukuzithemba kwakho ngokungathandekiyo. Ngenxa yoko, kuya kusiba nzima ngakumbi ukuphila nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic, ngakumbi xa oku kugculelwa rhoqo kunye nokuthukana kuvela kwindawo yokuzithoba.

15. Uyakukhazimla

Ekubeni ii-narcissists zingamaqili, zisenokusebenzisa zonke iindlela zokuthetha nangokweemvakalelo ukuze uzive ungakhuselekanga, ungazithembi, kwaye ungathandabuzi. I-narcissistic yakho ebalulekileyo iya kuguqulela iitafile kuwe xa uvakalisa iinkxalabo zakho. Uya kukubeka ityala ngengxaki, azenze zingasebenzi iimvakalelo zakho, kwaye adlale ixhoba. Uya kukunika unyango oluthe cwaka ukuba luyafuneka.

UJaseena uthi, “Ukurhawuzelela igesi luhlobo lobundlobongela obungenamsebenzi. Umntu othanda izinto ezingaqhelekanga uya kuhlala ebeka umfazi wakhe esweni, emgxeka ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Le yenye yeempawu ezicacileyo onokuzibona. Usenokusebenzisa amabinzana okurhawuzelela igesi anjengokuthi, “Oku kwenzeke kuba wenze i-XYZ” okanye “Awunamntu unokumgxeka ngaphandle kwakho”.

16. Uyasokola ukuzibophelela

Ngaphandle kweempawu zomyeni we-narcissist zakudala, oku kufuneka ukuba uqaphele ngokuqinisekileyo. Ndandisithini ngootsotsi abadikwa ngabantu? Umtshato lelona nqanaba liphezulu lokuzibophelela apho izinto zingasoloko zikhanya ilanga kunye nemvula. Ulwalamano luya kuba namabala arhabaxa, iingxabano, kunye nokwahluka. Ukusebenza ngazo kufuna umonde kunye nonyamezelo - into engekhoyo i-narcissist. Kusenokubakho iimeko zokungathembeki ngokwesondo kunye neemvakalelo ngokunjalo ukuba utshatile narcissist. Umyeni we-narcissistic ukukopela ngokufuthi kuvela kumcimbi wakhe ngokuzibophelela.

17. Akasoze acele uxolo

Ukutshata ne-narcissist kuthetha ukuba ungaze umva ecela uxolo ngezenzo zakhe. Ukuthatha uxanduva akuyiyo i-narcissist eyona suti inamandla. Umtshato uyasokola xa iqabane lingakwazi ukuthwala uxanduva ngezenzo zalo. Ngokungazi, ulonakalisa ngokupheleleyo ulwalamano. Ezo ziphathamandla zezona zinegalelo kwiziphumo ezibi ezibi ze-narcissism kwiqabane. Oku kunokwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukufumana indlela yokuhlala nomyeni we-narcissist.

18. Akayi kumela uqhawulo-mtshato

Nangona iqabane lakho lithanda ukuzingca (elingavumiyo ukuba nalo), liya koyika ukuba uthatha inyathelo lokuhlukana nalo. I-ego yakhe, imfuno yakhe yokubonisa umfanekiso wobomi obunqwenelekayo kwabanye, kunye nokufuna kwakhe umntu wokunamathela kubo bonke kunegalelo ekubeni aphikisane kakhulu nengcamango yokuqhawula umtshato. Ukuba uthetha ngeendlela zokwahlukana, uya kushukumisa izulu nomhlaba ukuba zikubuyisele. Kwaye uya kufumana indlela eyingozi neyoyikisayo ebizwa ngokuba yi -narcissistic hoovering . Le ndlela ixhaphake kakhulu kubudlelwane obubandakanya umntu othanda ukuzingca, okwenza kube nzima ukuhlukana nabo.

19. Umyeni onenkani uneego enkulu

Ukuzikhohlisa kwakhe ngobungangamsha kunye nokuzicingela ukubaxiweyo ngokucacileyo kukhokelela kukuzithemba okukhulu. Naliphi na ilinge lokuyigqabhuza liya kudibana nomqolo. Umyeni wakho uqinisekile ukuba uyingcaphephe kwimibandela emininzi. Wazi kakuhle kwaye abantu kufuneka bahlale bethobela iingcebiso zakhe.

Makube lee kuThixo ukuba uzame ukumnika isheke yokwenyani kuba uyakubuya umva ngamandla amakhulu. Xa uhamba ubomi kunye nomyeni narcissistic, mhlawumbi awuzange nakanye wamva evuma ukuba uphosakele okanye wayengazi nto ngento ethile. Engqondweni yakhe, ungoyena mntu ukrelekrele uphila, yaye akukho nto ayithethayo enokuze iphoxeke. Le yeyona nto ichaza iimpawu zomyeni we-narcissist.

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20. Ulwalamano lwakhe belusoloko luneengxaki

Ingcinga isenokuba ayizange ifike kuwe xa wawuqala ukuthandana naye okanye watshata naye, kodwa thatha umzuzwana uhlolisise isizathu sokuba ubudlelwane bakhe bangaphambili bungaphumelelanga. Ngaba uhlala egxeka iintombi zakhe zangaphambili ngayo yonke into ehambe kakubi kubudlelwane bakhe bangaphambili? Ngaba uzenza ixhoba? Xa ujonga emva, ngaba uyabona ukuba uhlala esenza kubonakale ngathi ushiywe intliziyo yakhe ibuhlungu ngaphandle kwetyala lakhe? Ukuba akaze athathe uxanduva ngendima yakhe kubudlelwane, ndiyathemba ukuba uyayibona indlela yokugxeka apha. Enye yezona mpawu ziqhelekileyo zendoda ezithanda kakhulu kukungakwazi kwayo ukuvuma nokwamkela iimpazamo zayo.

21. Umntu obhuqayo uyathanda ukucebisa

Olunye uphawu oluqikelelwa lula! Kuba bezicingela kakhulu, ii-narcissists ziyathanda ukuhambisa iingcebiso, ziceliwe okanye zingacelwanga. Iisenti zabo ezimbini zifana needola ezimbini. Ngaba umyeni wakho naye uqalise kwi-monologue malunga nokuba ucinga ntoni? Ukumphazamisa akuncedi; ekuphela kwendlela yokuphuma kukumvumela athethe iqhekeza lakhe ngenxa yoxolo.

Yibize ngokuba yi-mansplaining okanye ukubhibhidla okungapheliyo, iziphumo ziyafana. Kwaye into ephuma kuyo, kwakhona, luluvo olukhulu lokuba ubaluleke kangakanani na. Xa uzama ukujongana nomyeni we-narcissist, kufuneka uqonde ukuba engqondweni yakhe, akukho mntu ubaluleke ngaphezu kwakhe.

Ndijongana Njani Nomyeni WoNarcissistic?

Ukuba umyeni wakho ubonakalisa iimpawu ezingaphezu kwe-10 zokuzingca ezikhankanyiweyo apha ngasentla, kunokwenzeka ukuba une-NPD. Inokuba yinto ecaphukisayo njengoko kuvela imingxunya emtshatweni wakho. Umtshato ngamnye unemiqobo yawo, kodwa xa uneqabane elizingcayo, imiqobo inokubonakala ingenakunqotshwa kwaye amathuba abekwe kuwe. Umsebenzi omncinci kuni nobabini ngokuqinisekileyo unokusindisa umtshato . Njengoko uJohn Gottman watshoyo, "Siphinda into esingayilungisiyo." Ngoko ke, ukuba uhlala uzibuza, "Indlela yokujongana nendoda ezingcayo", la macebiso alandelayo anokukunceda uthathe inyathelo lokuqala lokulungisa olu lwalamano luneengxaki ezinzulu:

1. Yenza isigqibo kwaye ujonge izinto ozilindeleyo

I-Introspection linyathelo lokuqala lokufumana indlela yokuphatha umyeni we-narcissist. Ngokukodwa ukuba ujongana nomyeni onxilisayo, kufuneka uqonde ukuba amandla akho anokuxhaphaza, kwaye wenze isigqibo malunga nokushiya okanye ukufumana uncedo olukhawulezileyo, nokuba kungomthetho, iingcali zempilo yengqondo, okanye abahlobo kunye nosapho. Zibuze:

• Bume phi ubudlelwane bakho: ngaba bujike buxhaphaza? Ngaba iyonakalisa impilo yakho yomzimba okanye yengqondo?
• Thatha isigqibo sokuba uyafuna na ukuba kulo ixesha elide. Ngaba kufanelekile?
• Ngaba ungazibophelela ekuzameni ukwenza lo mtshato usebenze?

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba awukwazi ukulindela ukuchacha ngokumangalisayo kunye nomyeni we-narcissistic. Awunakulindela ukuba angaguqa ngamadolo acele uxolo xa sele umxelele indlela ebekuvise kabuhlungu ngayo. Iyakuba yinkqubo ende, etsala nzima, eza kufuna ukuba ube nomonde kakhulu. I-NPD sisifo sengqondo esingapheliyo, kwaye ukulindela ukuba sinyamalale kuya kubangela intlungu kunye nokudana.

Ukufunda Okunxulumeneyo: Ingcebiso Ngobudlelwane - Yonke Into Okufuneka Uyazi

2. Cinga ngokuchanekileyo

Ngaphambi kokuba uthethe nomyeni othanda ukuzingca, jonga imeko yakho ngendlela echanekileyo. Funda umyeni wakho, fumana amanqaku apho abonisa khona ezi mpawu zikhankanyiweyo ngasentla, kwaye ufunde ukwahlukana. Wonke umntu ulawulwa ngamava akhe. Jonga into echaphazele umyeni wakho kakhulu. Ngaba kukho nasiphi na isiphako esingasonjululwanga? Ngaba wayenabazali abanobungozi kunye nobuntwana obuxhatshazwayo? Okanye ngaba ingqondo yakhe ibangelwe bubudlelwane obubi?

Wakuba ukwazi ukufumana unobangela, uya kukwazi ukumqonda ngakumbi. Lo msebenzi unokunceda ukukhusela amandla akho ngelixa ubambe imeko yakhe ngaxeshanye. Uya kufuna uvelwano oluninzi kulo msebenzi; ukuqonda uhambo lweqabane lakho kuya kuba ngumsebenzi onzima.

3. Thetha ngezinto ezikuxhalabisayo ngempumelelo nangokuphandle

Wakuba wenze ngokwaneleyo ukuzihlolisisa, zama ukusebenza ekuphuculeni unxibelelwano kulwalamano lwakho. Oku kuyasebenza nakumtshato owonwabileyo. Xa uzama ukuphatha indoda ezithandayo, kubaluleke ngakumbi ukumazisa yonke into ebikukhathaza. Amathuba kukuba, ayizukwazi ukuba ukuziphatha kwayo bekukuchaphazela njani, ngoko ke kuxhomekeke kuwe ukuqinisekisa ukuba iyazi. Ungajongana njani nendoda ezithandayo?

• Ncokola incoko ngenjongo yokufumana isicombululo, kungekhona ukufuna umlo
• Zama ukuseka ngoxolo izinto ebezikukhathaza
• Qinisekisa ukuba umenza azive eviwe
• Endaweni yokusebenzisa izitatimenti ezithi “Wena” zama ukusebenzisa “mna” okanye “Thina”. Umzekelo, endaweni yokuthi, “Andisiqondi isizathu sokuba uthethe ngolu hlobo nam”, unokuthi, “Asinabubele omnye komnye, akusenzi nto ilungileyo kuthi xa sithetha ngolu hlobo”

4. Zikhwebule kwiingxabano kunye ne-narcissist

Kunzima, okanye akunakwenzeka, ukuvala umyeni othanda u-narcissistic ngenxa yokuthanda kwakhe ukubaxa izinto. Ukuxambulisana nomyeni we-narcissistic emva koko kuba lilize. Kodwa, ukuthula kungcono kunengxabano ngamanye amaxesha. UJaseena uthi, “Musani ukungxama. Yekani ukutshatisa izithonga zakhe ngenzondelelo efanayo. Nobabini niyahluka kumoya wenu.

Xa uzama ukusinda umyeni narcissist, ukuzibandakanya kuwo wonke umlo echola kuphela uya kukwenza ukuba utshise kwaye uzive udiniwe. Kulungile ukukhetha ukuhamba umlo kuba izinto ezininzi aziyi kufaneleka ukulwa ngazo.

5. Funa uncedo lweengcali

Eyona ndlela isebenzayo yokuphatha umntu omthandayo kukuzifunela iingcebiso. Ungade uzame unyango lwezithandani kunye nengcali yezonyango enelayisensi, okt ukuba iqabane lakho liyavuma. Ekubeni i-NPD iyingxaki yengqondo engapheliyo, ukuxilongwa ngokuchanekileyo yingcali yezempilo yengqondo kunye ne-CBT okanye i-REBT ibalulekile kwiqabane lakho ukuze likwazi ukwenza utshintsho kwindlela aphila ngayo. Kwakhona, oko kukuthi, ukuba uvule kuyo.

Ingcebiso ngobudlelwane incede izibini ezininzi ukuba zisebenzele kubudlelwane bazo obuneengxaki kwaye ziphile ubomi obunobuhlobo obulawulekayo bomtshato. KwiBonobology, iqela lethu labacebisi abanamava kunye neengcali zonyango linokukhokela kweli xesha linzima emtshatweni wakho, kwaye likuncede ufezekise ubudlelwane obuvumelanayo njengobo ubusoloko ubulangazelela.

6. Thatha ixesha lam

Indlela yokujongana neqabane le-narcissist ukuba kungekhona ngokomeleza ubuhlobo bakho nawe? (Icebiso: Leyo ikwasisitshixo kulo naluphi na ulwalamano lothando nomtshato owonwabileyo!) Xa uthandana nendoda ephoxayo, oko kunokubangela ukungazithembi kuba uhlala umenza azive onwabile. Ukujongana ne-antics yakhe engacingeliyo imini nobusuku kuya kufuneka ukuba udinwe. Ukunyamekela impilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo, ungalibali ukuzibeka kwindawo yokuqala.

• Chitha ixesha nawe
• Yenza ezinye indawo yam ngokuzikhathalela kunye nokuzonwabisa
• Dibana nabahlobo bakho, obathandayo
• Phumelela umsebenzi wokuzonwabisa
• Zicombulule ngento egqithisileyo
• Jonga impilo yakho yomzimba nengqondo

7. Zimele

Ukuba uye wazibona iimpawu ze-narcissism ngexesha lesigaba sokuthandana kodwa uthatha isigqibo sokutshata naye, kubalulekile ukuzoba imida kwasekuqaleni ukubaleka umjikelo wokuxhatshazwa kwe-narcissistic. Cacisa ngoko kwamkelekileyo noko kungamkelekanga. Umntu othandana naye uyakonwabela ukukuphoxa okanye enze izinto eziya kumbeka ekuhleni.

Musa ukuwa ngenxa yoko. Qhubeka umbiza ngenxa yokuziphatha ngokungenantlonelo kwaye uqinisekise ukuba uyazi ukuba akulungile ukuhamba phezu kwakho. Uxolo lwakho lwengqondo, kunokubonakala kuhenda ukunika amaxesha ambalwa kwaye utyhole - ukuze umlo uphele. Kodwa okukhona usenza oko, kokukhona uya kucinga ukuba kulungile ukuba angakuhloniphi.

Kwimo egqithileyo, ukuhlala ne-narcissism kubudlelwane bothando kunokukhokelela kuxinzelelo okanye ukuzenzakalisa; narcissists bazibekela usukelo oluphezulu kakhulu olungenakufezekiswa, abanakukwazi ukumelana nokungaphumeleli, kwaye bacingela iziqu zabo kakhulu ukuba bacingele iimvakalelo zabanye. Ukuhlala neqabane le-narcissistic ngumngeni, kodwa kungcono ukuba uthatha uxanduva kwimeko. Zabalazela ukuphucula!

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