Yintoni omawuyenze xa i-Ex inxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva

Ukusabalalisa uthando

Mhlawumbi ibilixesha elingangeeveki ezimbini, ukuhlukana kwenu, okanye iqabane elidala eliniphethe kakubi. Nokuba ithini na imeko, kuyakuthatha ixesha ukuzinzisa iingcinga zakho xa umntu owayesakuba enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva. Ngelixa ngobuchule ukunqanda ukucofa kwisaziso, inokuphosa yonke imojo yakho ngaphandle kokulingana.

Kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka:

Xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka, oku kudla ngokubonisa izizathu zengqondo ezifihlakeleyo endaweni yomnqweno ocacileyo wokuqalisa ubudlelwane kwakhona. Izizathu eziqhelekileyo ziquka:

Nostalgia
Ukunamathelana ngokweemvakalelo okungasonjululwanga
Ukufuna ukwazi ngobomi bakho bangoku
Okanye ukuvavanya ukuba unxibelelwano lusekhona na

Okubalulekileyo kukuba, olo nxibelelwano alubonisi ngokuzenzekelayo ukuba nineenjongo zothando okanye nifuna ukubuyisana

Ngoncedo lwengcali yezengqondo UJaseena Backer (MS Psychology), oyingcali yolawulo lwesini kunye nobudlelwane, makhe sibone izizathu zokuba kutheni umntu othandana naye enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva kunye nento onokuyenza ukumelana nesi sicatshulwa siyimfihlakalo.

Kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu owayesakuba enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva?

Isiqulatho

Ukuphinda uqhagamshelane nomntu wangaphambili kunokuvakala kunzima kakhulu ukuba ubunolwalamano oluqinileyo naye ngaphambili. Yintoni injongo yakhe? Ngaba kukho sizathu sithile esifihlakeleyo? Ukuze uphathe umntu wangaphambili obuya ngesidima, kufuneka ucingisise ngazo zonke iimeko ezinokubangela ukuba umntu wangaphambili aqhagamshelane nawe emva kweminyaka.

Imeko engeyongozi kukuba umntu owayesakuba liqabane lakho ujonge nje: ukuze abone ukuba uqhuba njani ebomini. Oku kunokwenzeka ukuba Waluphelisa ulwalamano oluhle
Ingxaki ebuhlungu kukuba abanakukwazi ukumelana nobomi obonwabisayo nobunempumelelo obuphilayo. Ngoko ke, babuyela ekukuphazamiseni, babuyise zonke iinkumbulo, baze bathintele inkqubela yakho.
Kwelinye icala, basenokuba baziva benetyala ngokwenene ngokukwenzakalisa kakhulu kwaye abanakufumana uxolo lwabo de ubaxolele. Ukuba inxalenye yokuxolisa kwisicwangciso ihamba kakuhle, banokude baveze umnqweno wabo wokukwenza babuyelene

Ngoko ke usabela njani kanye kanye kule meko? Masifumanise.

Izinto ezi-8 omawuzenze xa u-Ex Wakho enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva

Mhlawumbi ubucinga ukuba uza kuyenza ngokupheleleyo iqhubekile, kodwa umbhalo wabo omncinci utshintshe ubomi bakho, ukukhumbuza ngamaxesha amnandi obungazi nokuba ungcwatyelwe wona. Ngaphambi kokuba ubhale umbhalo oneenkcukacha ocela ingcaciso, yima ucinge ngobomi bakho ngoku. Owayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho wangaphambili ngesizathu, kwaye ukubanika ingqalelo xa ubomi bakho bangoku busanelisa akufanelekanga. Xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka, zinike imizuzu embalwa ucinge ngemiphumo yokuthetha naye kwakhona.

"Ukuba umntu wangaphambili wayekuphumile ngaphandle kokuzivalela okanye wakwenza isiporho, mhlawumbi uza kuba neemvakalelo ezininzi xa ufumana lo myalezo. Kodwa ukuba ufumene isixa esaneleyo se ukuvalwa emva kokuqhawula umtshato nabo kwaye ngokwenene bakwazile ukuqhubeka, kunokuba lula ukuphendula okanye ukungawunaki umbhalo.
– Jaseena Backer, ingcali yezengqondo

Ukuze sikuncede, sibhale phantsi la manqaku asibhozo oza kucamngca ngawo ngaphambi kokuba ugqibe ekubeni uphendule loo mbhalo.

1. Cinga ngawe kuqala

Cinga ngobomi bakho ngoku. Ngaba uyayithanda indlela ubomi bakho obubukeka ngayo ngaphandle kwe-ex yakho? Ukuba i-ex yakho kunye nawe waba kakhulu kwi-kwakhona-off-kwakhona uhlobo lobudlelwane, ucinga ukuba ukubuyisela loo nto ebomini bakho sisigqibo esifanelekileyo? Uxanduva lwakho kulowo wawuthandana naye luphelile, kwaye kulungile ukuzicingela wena kuqala.

"Xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ungakhetha ukungamphenduli. Kwaye ukuba uyaphendula, qiniseka ukuba ungakwenza oko ngendlela engenankathalo,"
UJaseena Backer, ingcali yezengqondo

Kwelinye icala, izizathu zokuba umntu owayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho aqhagamshelane nawe emva kweminyaka zingahluka ukuba izinto ziphele kakuhle. Kwimeko enjalo, ukuba nencoko emfutshane kwi-Instagram akuyi kuba yingcinga embi kangako.

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2. Thatha ixesha lakho phambi kokuba uphendule

Nokuba nizigqibe njani izinto nobabini, zama ukungaphenduli umyalezo ngoko nangoko, nokuba kungoMgqibelo emva kwemini kwaye ulonwabo lwakho kuphela kukuba ikati yakho izikhotha uboya bayo. Iimpendulo ezikhawulezileyo zibonisa umdla okanye ubomi obungonelisiyo – kwaye nokuba zombini zinokuba yinyani, musa ukuvumela owayesakuba ngumyeni wakho akuqonde oko.

“Xa abantu endandithandana nabo ngaphambili bebuya emva kokungadibani, kuyakoyikisa okomzuzwana. Umntu endandithandana naye ngaphambili wandifowunela emva kweminyaka emi-2 kwaye andikwazanga ukuzibamba kodwa ndaphendula ngoko nangoko ndimbuza ukuba ufuna ntoni. Wathi, “Wow, impendulo ekhawulezileyo. Kufana nokuba undilindile.” Ihlazo endalivayo emva koko laqinisekisa ukuba andisayi kuphinda ndimthumelele umyalezo,” utshilo u-Aaron, umphathi wokwakha.

Ukuzinika ixesha lakho akuyonto yokudlala imidlalo yengqondo, imalunga nokwazi ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukuqalisa kwakhona incoko nomntu othe wathandana, kwaye yaphela izinto, kwixesha elidlulileyo.

Xa uQhagamshelwano Lwakho Lwangaphambili Emva kweminyaka — Thatha ixesha lakho phambi kokuba uphendule

3. Musa ukucinga kakhulu

Xa i-ex ibuya, khumbula ukuba ungangxami kuyo nayiphi na into kwaye ungagqithisi kakhulu. Ukuba babhale, "Heyi! Ixesha elide. Ube njani? ", Musa ukutsiba kuzo naziphi na izigqibo ezigqithisileyo malunga nokuba isicatshulwa sithetha ntoni.

UJaseena usixelela indlela yokuyeka ukucinga kakhulu. “Indlela ekuphela kwayo yokuyeka ukucinga kakhulu kule meko kukungawunaki umyalezo okanye ukuphendula ngokungakhathali, nto leyo ebonisa ukuba umntu owayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho akasakhathalelwanga.”

Kulula ukukholisa umntu wangaphambili xa useneemvakalelo ngaye. Kodwa musa ukungxama ukuqalisa umhla wekofu ukubambisa.

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4. Thetha nomnye umntu ngayo

Xelela umhlobo wakho osenyongweni/ilungu losapho ukuba owayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho uzama ukunxibelelana nawe. Ukufumana uluvo lomntu ngaphandle kunokukunceda ube nembono echanekileyo ngale meko.

Ukuba ukwahlukana kwenu kuphele kakubi, lo mntu unokukukhumbuza ngobuthi bomntu owayethandana naye aze ayeke ukuthumela imiyalezo.
Kodwa ukuba ukhona ukudibana kwakhona nowangaphambili emva kweminyaka eli-10 okanye ngaphezulu, apho izinto ziphele ngemibandela yobuhlobo, basenokuba bakuthumelela imiyalezo ngenxa yokukhumbula izinto zakudala nobuhlobo.
Akuzukuba buhlungu ukubathumela umyalezo ukuba konke kuxolelwe kwaye kulityalwe

Izinto omawuzenze xa umntu owayesakuba enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva — Izinto ezi-8 omawuzenze xa umntu owayesakuba enxibelelana nawe kwiminyaka kamva

5. Ukuba uneqabane, cinga nangalo

Iqabane lakho langoku lisenokuba liyazi into eyenzekileyo phakathi kwakho nomntu othandana naye.

Ukuba uku ubudlelwane obunzulu, kusoloko kuyinto entle ukwazisa iqabane lakho ngezinto ezincinci ezenzekayo ngaphambili.
Nokuba udibana nomntu wangaphambili emva kweminyaka eli-10 nangaphezulu kunokuphazamisa ubudlelwane bakho bangoku ukuba ucinga ukuba iqabane lakho liza kulunga ngale nto.
Ufanele ukwazi ukuthetha okanye ukudibana nabani na omfunayo, kodwa ukugcina iqabane lakho linolwazi ngalo mba kububulumko. Kuya kukunceda uphephe iingxabano ezininzi ezingeyomfuneko kwixesha elizayo.

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6. Gcina ulindelo lwakho lujonge

"Ulindelo ludla ngokuba yinto engaqhelekanga xa ungakayi kuphinda uqhubeke ngokupheleleyo. Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokusingatha oku kukuqonda into yokuba ngamanye amaxesha umbhalo uba ngumbhalo nje."

U-Riley wabelane nathi, "Izolo ndifumene umyalezo ovela kwisithandwa sam. Unokucinga ukuba ndingakwazi ukugcina unxibelelwano lwam olupholileyo kunye nowayesakuba ngumhlobo wam emva kweminyaka eyi-10. Kodwa hayi, ngokukhawuleza ukuba isaziso sifike, ingqondo yam yayizaliswe yimibuzo kunye neemeko ezinokwenzeka. Kuvele ukuba wayethumela enye irelay kwaye wandithumelela umyalezo ngempazamo."

Ekubeni ungazi ukuba kutheni benxibelelane nawe, akufuneki ucinge ngento ethile. Okona ukwaziyo, bacela nje ukuba babuyiselwe ii-hoodie zabo.

7. Musa ukukhangela ukuvalwa

Musa ukuvumela owayesakuba liqabane lakho ukuba akulawule.

Ukuba isizathu sakho sodwa sokuphendula kwisicatshulwa kukufumana eso sigqibo, kungcono ukushiya umbhalo ubonakala
Ukuba bebengafuni okanye bengenakukwazi ukukunika isiphetho ngelo xesha, akukho sizathu sokulindela into eyahlukileyo ngoku.

Uzivumele ukuba qhubela phambili ngaphandle kokuvalwa okokugqibela, ungakwenza kwakhona

8. Funda kwizinto zangaphambili

Cinga ngendlela ubudlelwane bakho obuphele ngayo kwixesha lokugqibela. Ngaba yayikukohlukana ngoxolo okanye wenza umboniso wakho wangaphambili ukuxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo ukuziphatha, okufana noku:

Ukulawula
Ukukhanyisa ngegesi
okanye nokuba kukukhohlisa?

Ukuba kukho naziphi na kwezi ndlela zokuziphatha ezihambelana nemeko yakho, qhubeka nje umthintele umntu owayesakuba ngumyeni wakho ungaphenduli. Uyabazi uhlobo lomntu abanguye, kwaye ukuba bakhe bakwenzakalisa ngaphambili, amathuba okuba bangaphinda bakuphathe kakubi. Kungcono ukuba impilo yakho yengqondo ingaphindi idibane nabo.

Ukushwankathela

Kutheni umntu wangaphambili enxibelelana nawe emva kweminyaka

Ukukujonga: ukubona nje ukuba unjani ebomini emva kweminyaka emininzi ungahlali kunye Isizathu esibi: andikwazi ukumelana nempumelelo okanye ulonwabo lwakho kwaye ndifuna ukuphazamisa ubomi bakho Uxolo: Uziva exolile ngokwenene ngentlungu yangaphambili kwaye ufuna uxolo Umnqweno onokwenzeka wokubuyelana: Usenokubonisa ukuzimisela ukubuyelana

Iintshukumo ezicetyiswayo

Zicingele wena kuqala: Beka impilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo kuqala xa usenza isigqibo sokuba uza kusabela njaniZinike ixesha ngaphambi kokuba uphendule: Musa ukukhawuleza uphendule; ukulibaziseka kukhuthaza ukucacaMusa ukucinga kakhulu: Kuphephe ukudala iimeko engqondweni yakho ngaphambi kwexeshaThetha nomntu: Fumana umbono ongaphandle, ongenamkhetheCinga ngeqabane lakho langokuUkuba usebudlelwaneni, babandakanye kwaye uveze izinto ngokucacileyoGcina ulindelo lujongiwe: Kuphephe ukucinga ukuba unomdla wothandoMusa ukukhangela ukuvalwa: Musa ukuzibandakanya nje ukuze uzalise umsantsa weengxaki ezingasonjululwangaFunda kwixesha elidlulileyo: Cinga ngendlela ubudlelwane bangaphambili obaphela ngayo; ukuba bebuyingozi, cinga ngokuvimba

FAQs

1. Kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka?

Xa umntu wangaphambili eqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka, kudla ngokubonakala ngathi
Ukufuna ukwazi ngokweemvakalelo
Nostalgia
Iimvakalelo ezingasonjululwanga
Into ebangela ubomi bube nzima kunokuba
Okanye umnqweno ocacileyo wokubuyisana
Abantu badla ngokufuna uncedo emva kotshintsho olukhulu olufana noqhawulo-mtshato, ukuba bodwa, okanye ukucamngca. Olu nxibelelwano luxhomekeke kakhulu kwimeko yabo yangaphakathi yeemvakalelo kunokuba lube lucwangciso olucacileyo olubandakanya wena.

2. Ngaba umntu wangaphambili oqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka emininzi uthetha ukuba ufuna ubuye?

Akunjalo ngokuyimfuneko. Nangona uxolelwaniso luyinto enokwenzeka, uninzi lonxibelelwano olulibazisekileyo luqhutywa kukufuna ukwazi, ukuziva unetyala, ukukhumbula izinto zakudala, okanye umnqweno wokuqinisekiswa. Imiyalezo engacacanga okanye engenamzamo idla ngokubonisa ukujonga iimvakalelo endaweni yokuba nenjongo yokuqalisa ubudlelwane. Umdla wokwenene ubonakala
Unxibelelwano oluqhubekayo
Uxanduva ngemiba edlulileyo
Neengxoxo ezithe ngqo malunga neenjongo

3. Ngaba ufanele uphendule xa umntu wangaphambili ecela uncedo emva kwexesha elide?

Ufanele uphendule kuphela xa ihambelana nempilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo kunye nemeko yobomi bakho bangoku.
Akukho mfuneko yokuphendula
Ukuma kancinci ngaphambi kokuba uphendule kukunceda uvavanye injongo yakho ngendlela echanekileyo
Ukuba ubudlelwane bangaphambili bebungekho mpilweni okanye uzive ungakhululekanga ngokweemvakalelo, ukungaphenduli kunokuba ngumda olungileyo.
Uxolo lwakho luza kuqala kunokufuna ukwazi.

4. Kunini apho kungcono ukungamhoyi okanye ukuvala umntu wangaphambili oqhagamshelana nawe emva kweminyaka?

Kungcono ukungamhoyi okanye ukuvala umntu wangaphambili ukuba umntu oqhagamshelana naye:
Iphinda ivule amanxeba eemvakalelo
Iphazamisa ubudlelwane bakho bangoku
Okanye iphinda iipatheni zangaphambili zokukhohlisa ezifana nokukrazula isonka okanye imiyalezo ebangela ukuziva unetyala
Ukuba ubudlelwane buphelile ngenxa yobuthi, ukuxhatshazwa, okanye ukwenzakala okuphindaphindiweyo, ukuphinda ubandakanyeke kunokuphelisa ukuphola. Ukungacaci, intlonipho, okanye ukungaguquguquki luphawu oluqinileyo lokuyeka ukuzibandakanya.

Iimpawu eziphambili

Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule, cinga ngobomi bakho ngaphandle kowakho wangaphambili kwaye uvavanye ukuba ukunxibelelana kwakhona kunenzuzo kwimpilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo.
Kuphephe ukuphendula ngokukhawuleza. Iimpendulo ezikhawulezileyo zinokunika ukufumaneka kweemvakalelo kwaye zikuthintele ekubeni wenze isigqibo esinengqiqo
Umbhalo osuka kumntu owayesakuba ngumlingane awubonisi umdla wothando okanye ukuzisola. Sondela imeko ngaphandle kokulindela
Funa imbono yabahlobo, usapho, okanye amaqabane ukuze ufumane imbono enenjongo, ngakumbi ukuba amava adlulileyo kunye ne-ex ayeyityhefu
Cinga ngezizathu zokwahlukana kwakho kunye neendlela zokuziphatha zangaphambili. Ukuba ubudlelwane bebunobungozi okanye imiba engasonjululwanga iyaqhubeka, beka phambili impilo yakho yengqondo kwaye ucinge ngokuyithintela ukuba kuyimfuneko.

Iingcinga Final

Ukuphinda uqhagamshelane nomntu owayesakuba mdala emva kweminyaka engama-20 kunokuvusa uluhlu lweemvakalelo, ukusuka ekucingeni ukuya kutsho kwixhala. Into ephambili kukuhlala ukhumbula imeko yakho yeemvakalelo kunye neemeko zangoku. Ingaba ukhetha ukuphendula, ukungayinaki, okanye ukuvimba umnxibelelwano, isigqibo kufuneka sihambelane nentlalontle yakho kunye neenjongo zexesha elizayo. Khumbula, ukhule ukusukela kolo budlelwane, kwaye ukukhusela uxolo lwakho kusoloko kuyeyona nto iphambili.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.