Izinto ezili-11 onokuzenza ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni

Ukuba kumtshato ongonwabanga kufana nokuncamathela kwisiphelo. Uziva udiniwe engqondweni nasemphefumlweni. Kukho i-vacuum ngaphakathi entliziyweni yakho ekubonakala ngathi akukho nto izalisekayo. Ke, yintoni omawuyenze xa ungonwabanga emtshatweni wakho kodwa ungafuni ukuphumela kwikhondo loqhawulo-mtshato?

Kungabonakala ngathi akukho zimpendulo zilula kulo mbuzo. Ngokukodwa, ngenxa yeemeko zakho apho uziva udakumbile kunye nesithukuthezi uba ngamaqabane akho rhoqo nangona utshatile neqabane.

Kuba ngathi ubambekile kwaye awunandlela yokuphuma. Imitshato engonwabanga izisa ixhala, ukudakumba, ukungazithembi kunye nokungazithembi. Silapha ukukunceda ufunde indlela yokusinda kumtshato ombi ngaphandle koqhawulo-mtshato.

Top 3 Iimpawu zomtshato ezingonwabanga

Emva kwexesha elithile lomtshato wakho, uqala ukuqaphela iiflegi ezibomvu ezitsala iqabane lakho kude nawe kwaye ungonwabi. Uzama ukuziqinisekisa ukuba yonke into ilungile kwaye ubudlelwane bakho bufanele ukulondolozwa kodwa ezi mpawu zinzima ziya ziba namandla.

Umcebisi wezengqondo Sabatina Sangma uthi, “Izizathu zokuba umntu angonwabi emtshatweni zinokwahluka Sombulula impixano indlela eyiyo yokungalungelelaniswa kakuhle okanye ukusilela usukelo, ukungabikho kokuqalisa ukwenza izinto zibe ngcono, ulindelo olungekho ngqiqweni kunye nokuqhatha okanye ukungathembeki, ukukhankanya ezimbalwa.

“Xa abantu besoloko bezibuza ukuba umtshato ufanele ube nzima okanye bazive bevaleleke kulwalamano lwabo, kudla ngokubakho enye yezi zinto zibangela umdla.” Ngokufuthi ezi ngxaki zifihlakele elubala.

Ngokomzekelo, omabini amaqabane asenokuba alindele ukuba omnye athabathe amanyathelo athile.

Ezi zinto zibangela ukuba zibonakale njengemiqondiso yokuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wenu. Uziva unomsindo kwaye unxunguphele ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye uziva unomsindo kwaye ungalunganga. Nazi iimpawu ezi-3 eziphezulu ezingonwabanga emtshatweni:

1.Nizixakekise nobabini

Nangona ningababini, nobabini nibandakanyeka kakhulu kubomi benu ngabanye. Uneseti yakho yezinto eziphambili kwaye kubonakala ngathi akukho kuhlangana. Liyinyaniso elokuba, nitshatile, kodwa eneneni niphila ngendlela yenu.

Awunalo ixesha okanye intando yokwazi ukuba iqabane lakho lenzani kuba uxakeke kakhulu kuwe. U-Kiera kunye nomyeni wakhe uKarl babengumfanekiso ophilayo wolu tyekelo. Bobabini baye babandakanyeka nzulu kakhulu kubume bemfuno yobomi babo boshishino kangangokuba bubangele ukuba bahlukane.

Ngelixa uKiera engazange akwazi ukuyisusa imvakalelo yokuba 'umyeni wam ulusizi emtshatweni wethu', uKarl naye wayeziva ngendlela efanayo ngomfazi wakhe. Umgama phakathi kwabo wakhula kangangokuba naxa babekunye, babengazi ukuba bafanele babandakanyeke njani.

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2. Awusathethi

Xa nobabini, kuba nzima ukuqalisa incoko nokuqhubeka. Ngamanye amaxesha xa uthetha, ikakhulu malunga nento efana nabantwana, izalamane, imali, umsebenzi ozayo njalo njalo. Akukho namnye kuni owabelane ngeemvakalelo zenu nomnye kwaye niyaqhubeka nokuhlangabezana noxanduva kunye nezibophelelo zomtshato njengerobhothi.

Xa nikumtshato ongonwabanga kodwa ningakwazi ukuwushiya, ekuhambeni kwexesha wena neqabane lakho nisenokuhlukana nibe ngabantu ababini abangabaziyo abahlala phantsi kophahla olunye. Awudibanisi kumgangatho wobuqu, unxibelelwano lwakho lulinganiselwe, kwaye xa uzibandakanya omnye nomnye kukhokelela kwiingxabano.

Wena neqabane lakho nisenokuba sele ninayo kujongwe emtshatweni ngokweemvakalelo kwaye zibotshelelwe kunye ngezizathu ezingezizo ezothando.

3. Abelani ngesondo ngendlela enentsingiselo

Ujongene nespell eyomileyo kubudlelwane obusondeleyo ixesha elide kangangokuba uziva ngathi ubambekile umtshato ongenazini. Nkqu nesini osenza kuso maxa wambi akuziva sinenjongo okanye sanelisi. Oku kungenxa yokuba, ngokweenkcukacha-manani, kuphando olwenziwe yiReaders Digest¹, ama-57 ekhulwini abo bathandanayo basawafumanisa enomtsalane gqitha amaqabane awo.

Izinto ezili-11 onokuzenza Xa Ungonwabanga Emtshatweni

Ukuba nawe uyazazi ezi mpawu, kukhuselekile ukugqiba kwelokuba awonwabanga emtshatweni. Ngoku kuphakama umbuzo: Yintoni omele uyenze xa ungonwabanga emtshatweni wakho? Umnqweno wakho wokuqala inokuba kukubaleka kule nto umtshato ongenaluthando nongonwabanga. Noko ke, ukuqhawula umtshato ombi akulula yaye uqhawulo-mtshato lumele lusoloko lugqalwa njengenyathelo lokugqibela.

Ke, ukuba ukumtshato ongonwabanga kodwa awukwazi ukuhamba okanye awufuni ukuhamba de ube uzigqibile zonke iinketho zakho, ungazama ngokuqinisekileyo ukuwugcina umtshato wakho. Nazi izinto ezili-11 onokuzizama:

1. Ziqhelise ukuxolela

Sabatina uthi,Ukuxolelana kubudlelwane banokusebenza imimangaliso ekuncedeni amaqabane ukuphilisa ubudlelwane babo. Isenzo sokuxolela sifana nokuzikhulula kwimvakalelo yokuba omnye umntu usityala okuthile. Xa sixolela umntu siyazikhulula kuloo ntlungu siyithweleyo.

"Amaxesha amaninzi ebomini bethu siyazenza iimpazamo kwaye kufuneka sizixolele ngenxa yezo mpazamo. Kwaye abaninzi bethu banenzondo engaphezulu kunaye nabani na. Ngokuphindaphindiweyo ukuvakalisa ukucela uxolo nangaluphi na uhlobo kuya kusinceda ukuba sizikhulule kuloo ntlungu. Yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukwenza imeko ibe ngcono kwaye uyiyeke. Nasiphi na isenzo sokuxolelwa kufuneka siqale kuwe.

“Lonto ibangelwa kukuba siyazohlwaya ngokwethu xa senze iimpazamo kwaye singaqondanga siphinde sohlwayele iqabane lethu.Kwangaxeshanye, ukuxolela iqabane lakho kukwabalulekile ngokulinganayo ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wakho kuba ukugcina iimvakalelo ezingentle ngakumlingani wakho kuya kudala udonga phakathi kwakho.Zikhulule wena neqabane lakho kwiintlungu zokubambelela kulo.

2. Xhasa iqabane lakho

Imitshato imalunga nabantu ababini ababelana ngeenjongo zomntu ngamnye, izinto abazithandayo kwaye bazidibanise kwiinjongo ekwabelwana ngazo. Iindlela zeenjongo zomntu ngamnye ziguquka zibe ziinjongo ekwabelwana ngazo xa omabini amaqabane exhasa iinjongo kunye namaphupha omnye komnye. Bonisa inkxaso yakho kwiqabane lakho kuyo nantoni na eliyenzayo.

Thatha umdla ngakumbi kumsebenzi wabo okanye iiprojekthi abasebenza kuzo nangona kuyinto ephuma kwiligi yakho. Izinto ezinjalo ziya kuba kuhle ukuqalisa iincoko kwaye iqabane lakho liya kuziva lilungile ukuba unomdla kwinto abayenzayo. Kuya kunceda ekwazini iqabane lakho ngcono.

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3. Zixabise

Ulonwabo lokwenene lubakho xa uzixabisa izinto onazo. Musa ukuthelekisa umtshato wakho nowabahlobo okanye abantu obaqhelileyo. Ingca ihlala ibonakala iluhlaza ngakumbi kwelinye icala. Lixabise iqabane lakho ngobunjalo balo. Sukunqwenela ukuphila ubomi obutofotofo okanye ukunyuselwa iqabane lakho.

Yixabise into enayo iqabane lakho kwaye uyixabise into onayo. Kuthekani ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wakho? Ewe, iba yinto efanelekileyo ngakumbi kuloo meko. Uxabiso lunokuba sisithintelo esigqibeleleyo kwiimvakalelo zengqumbo nokuba nomsindo ezinokwenza umtshato wenu ube lumanyano olungonwabisiyo.

UJoshua noRose baye kunyango lwesibini ukuze bafune impendulo yento omawuyenze xa ungonwabanga emtshatweni wakho. Umcebisi wabacela ukuba baqale ngokwenza utshintsho oluncinci ekusebenzisaneni kwabo omnye nomnye - khangela izinto ozixabisayo omnye komnye kwaye uchaze ezo ngcinga.

Lo msebenzi ubonakala ulula kwakunzima ukubandakanya ebomini babo bobabini. Kodwa bakuba bekwenzile oko, umgangatho womtshato wabo waqalisa ukuphucuka, ngokuthe ngcembe kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo.

4. Yakha umdla ekwabelwana ngawo

Njengoko bekutshiwo ngaphambili, imitshato imalunga nokwabelana ngosukelo kunye nomdla ofanayo kuhambo lwabo kunye. Kuqhelekile ukuba abantu ababini bangabi nanto badibanisayo. Ukuze umtshato usebenze, nobabini kufuneka nichithe ixesha kubomi bomnye.

Ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni, kufuneka wenze indlela edibeneyo, edibeneyo yokuqinisekisa ukuba yinto oyifunayo. Yenza iqabane lakho lenze imisebenzi oyithandayo kwaye wenze imisebenzi kwaye wenze okufanayo kuye. Oku kuya kuninceda nobabini niphuhlise imidla ekwabelwana ngayo kwaye niya kufumana imisebenzi eya kuba sisiqhelo kuni nobabini.

Xa ungonwabanga ngobomi bakho bomtshato, uxanduva lokutshintsha lulele kuwe kunye neqabane lakho. Into elula njengokuzibophelela ukuba nitye isidlo sangokuhlwa kunye okanye niphume nihambe niyohamba emva kwesidlo sangokuhlwa kunokudala amathuba okudibana.

Emva koko unokwakhela phezu kwayo kwaye niqalise ukwenza izinto ezininzi kunye. Oku kudala elona thuba lifanelekileyo lokuchitha ixesha elisemgangathweni kwaye ufunde ukonwabela inkampani yabanye kwakhona.

5. Yinyamekele inkangeleko yakho

Njengoko umtshato usiya ukhula, unabantwana kunye neembopheleleko zekhaya okanye ezinxulumene nomsebenzi, abantu badla ngokunikela ingqalelo encinci kwinkangeleko yabo. Awusanxibi njengoko ubuqhele ukwenza kwaye ubukhulu becala uzulazula kwiibhulukhwe zakho kunye neenwele ezimdaka.

Ugqibele nini ukujika intloko yeqabane lakho lisithi, “Umhle namhlanje”. Ukuba sele kulithuba ke kukho ukucinga ukwenza. Khumbula indlela obuya kunxiba ngayo ngobusuku bentombazana kwaye wenze okufanayo ngoku. Zicombulule ngelinye ixesha.

Yikhathalele indlela okhangeleka ngayo kwaye uziva ngayo kwaye iya kuthumela i-vibes eyakhayo kwiqabane lakho ngokunjalo.

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6. Lincome iqabane lakho

Xa ungonwabanga emtshatweni, udla ngokuyithabatha lula yonke into kwaye ungavumi ukuvuma nantoni na entle ngomtshato kunye neqabane lakho. Uyalibala ukuncoma iqabane lakho. Ngoku, ukuhlawula izincomo akufuneki kube malunga nenkangeleko yabo okanye iimpawu zomzimba.

Ncoma iqabane lakho kanye ngexesha kwizinto ezincinci. Yithi enkosi kwiqabane lakho nangezona nzame zincinci. Imizamo enjalo, nangona ibonakala ingenanjongo kodwa yenza iqabane lakho lizive lixatyiswe kwaye livakalelwa kukuba izenzo zalo zibalulekile kwaye ziyaphawulwa nguwe.

Isazi ngengqondo esicebisayo uKavita Panyam sithi, “Into eqhelekileyo njengokubulela iqabane lakho ngokukuphathela iglasi yamanzi xa ufika ekhaya emva kosuku olude kunokuba negalelo elikhulu ekulenze lizive lixatyiswe yaye lixatyiswa.”

Ukuncoma okusuka entliziyweni njengo 'ucinga kakhulu' okanye 'ndiyayithanda indlela oyazi ngayo into endiyidingayo nangaphambi kokuba ndikucele' ingaba yicheri egqibeleleyo kwikhekhe.

7. Ziqhelise ukumamela ngokukhawuleza

USabatina uthi: “Yiqonde imfuneko yokuphulaphula ngenyameko uze uzame ukuphulaphula omnye komnye.” Ukuphulaphula ngenyameko akusiniki nje ithuba lokwenza izigqibo ezifanelekileyo kodwa kubonisa ukuba sikukhathalele oko kuthethwa liqabane lethu yaye siyayihlonela imbono yalo.”

Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ngexesha lokungavisisani, ukulwa kunye neengxabano. Ukuba awonwabanga emtshatweni wenu, khawukhe ucinge ukuba wena neqabane lakho niyavana. Okanye ngaba ugxininise ekwenzeni inqaku lakho, ungqinwe ulungile kwaye ufumane isandla esiphezulu?

Le yokugqibela iba yindawo yokuzala ingqumbo nokungonwabi emtshatweni, iqhuba umsa phakathi kwamaqabane. Nokuba ingxabano ishushu kangakanani na, hlalani ninikana ithuba lokubeka izimvo zenu. Nangona awuvumelani, linda ukuba bagqibe kwaye unikeze ukuphikisa okanye ukuphikisa oko bathethayo.

8. Nyaniseka emtshatweni wenu

Ngamanye amaxesha ukufihla izinto kwiqabane lakho kukhokelela ekungaqondani. Iqabane lakho livakalelwa kukuba alithathwa ngokuba libalulekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ukwazi ukwabelana nalo ngezo zinto. Kubalulekile ukunyaniseka emtshatweni nokuba imbi okanye ihlazeke kangakanani loo nto. Oku kuya kunceda ukwakha ukuthembana nesiseko esomeleleyo esiya kukhokelela kumtshato ophilileyo.

Kwiinzame zakhe zokusinda kumtshato ombi ngaphandle koqhawulo-mtshato, uTracey waqalisa ukumfihlela umyeni wakhe izinto awayesazi ukuba zinokukhokelela kwiingxabano okanye imilo. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, ezi zitena zobuxoki kunye nokushiywa kwadala udonga olungqingqwa olungenako ukuludiliza luze lufikelele kwelinye.

KuTracey, icebiso lomhlobo wakhe uMia leza njengomsindisi kumtshato wakhe. “Wavele wathi ukuba anikwazi nokunyaniseka omnye komnye, kunceda ngantoni ukuhlala nitshatile.” Loo nto yandibetha okwethutyana, ndazithembisa ukuba ndiza kuyilungisa ekugqibeleni.

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9. Nika izinto ezothusayo

Kubalulekile ukugcina into eyothusayo iqhubeka nakwimitshato. Imitshato emininzi ayiphumeleli ngenxa yezinto ezenzeka ngokukhawuleza. Qhubeka unika amaqabane akho izinto ezothusayo kwaye wenze izinto ukuze wonwabe.

Amathuba kukuba baya kwenza okufanayo. Imitshato ayonwabanga ngenxa yokungabi nalo naluphi na ulonwabo okanye uthando. Kubalulekile ukugcina olo lonwabo luqhubeka kuni nobabini ukuze nihlale nithandana.

Ukubaleka ngempelaveki ngosuku lokuzalwa kweqabane lakho, isidlo sangokuhlwa esimnandi ngosuku lwakho lokuzalwa, ukubafumanela itikiti lekonsathi yeqela abalithandayo okanye umdlalo abawuthandayo – izijekulo ezifana nezi zanele ukufaka amandla amatsha kubudlelwane bakho.

10. Yonwaba ngaphakathi

Ukuze wonwabe ngayo nantoni na ekufutshane nawe, kufuneka wonwabe wena kuqala. Kuphela ukuba wonwabile ngaphakathi uya kuba nentembelo yokujongana neengxaki zomtshato ongonwabanga. Wakuba uziva wanelisekile yaye wonwabile ngaphakathi, uya kuba nentembelo yokuphucula umtshato wakho ongonwabanga.

Musa ukubeka i-onus yolonwabo kwiqabane lakho. Akukho mntu unokuba namandla okuphembelela iimvakalelo kunye nesimo sakho sengqondo. Zilawule iimvakalelo zakho, zibandakanye kwimisebenzi kwaye uzibandakanye nabantu abakuzisela ulonwabo lokwenene.

Kunokuba uzibek’ ityala okanye uzibek’ ityala iqabane lakho, uya kufumana iindlela zokucombulula lo mtshato ungonwabanga kunokuba umke kumtshato ongonwabanga. Xa wonwabile, uya kuvelisa loo mandla kubudlelwane bakho.

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11. Zibandakanye ekuzihlaziyeni

“Ukuzicingisisa kubaluleke kakhulu kulo lonke uhambo lobomi bethu.Kusivumela ukuba siziqonde ngokwethu, izenzo zethu, iingcinga zethu kunye neemvakalelo zethu.Sisoloko sityekela ukugxeka amaqabane ethu ngendlela asiphethe ngayo kodwa ngaba siye sazama ukuzibuza ngezenzo zethu, iingcinga zethu.

Sabatina uthi: “Xa siqalisa ukucinga ngeziqu zethu, siyazi ukuba yeyiphi inkalo esifanele siphucule ngayo size senze utshintsho olufunekayo ukuze siphinde sakhe ubomi bomtshato, oko kusinceda siyiqonde ngakumbi ingxaki nolwalamano lwethu.

Emva kweminyaka embalwa yomtshato, ngokufuthi amaqabane aqalisa ukuphelelwa ngumdla omnye komnye nto leyo eyimiqondiso yokuqala yokungonwabi emtshatweni. Noko ke, kwasekuqaleni, uthando olulahlekileyo lunokubuyiselwa ukuba kuthatyathwa amanyathelo afanelekileyo okufumana ulonwabo kwakhona emtshatweni.

Kuhlala kulula ukusuka kumtshato ongonwabanga kodwa umtshato sisithembiso osenzayo kwiqabane lakho 'de sahlulwe kukufa', ngoko, akulula kangako ukuwuncama. Khumbula ukuba yintoni eyakwenza ukuba uthi ewe kwiqabane lakho kwasekuqaleni kwaye ikwenze ucinge ukuba nguye.

Ngaba izibini ezingonwabanga zifanele ziqhubeke zihleli emtshatweni ngaphandle kokuwunika ithuba? Sebenza emtshatweni wakho, usenokufumana indlela yokuphinda ufumane ulonwabo emtshatweni wakho.

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