Iingcebiso ezili-11 zeeNgcali zokuNxibelelana Ngcono neqabane lakho

Unxibelelwano olusebenzayo lusisiseko sobudlelwane obuphilileyo. Kwaye eyona nxalenye ibalulekileyo yesi sivakalisi 'siyasebenza'. Ngenxa yokuba izibini ezininzi zinxibelelana rhoqo, zicinga ukuba zonke kukukhanya kwelanga kunye nemvula, de incoko engacwangciswanga inyuke kwisithuba semizuzwana embalwa. Ke, ukufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho yeyona nto ilungileyo onokuyenza kulwalamano lwakho okanye umtshato wakho.

Kwaye eneneni ayisosakhono sinzima ukufumana. Sizenze lula izinto ngokudwelisa iingcebiso ezili-11 ezimangalisayo eziza kukunceda unxibelelane njengengcali. Ujoliso lwethu lulele ekuchongeni iimpazamo ezimbalwa eziqhelekileyo ezenziwa ngabantu ngelixa bencokola kwindawo yothando. Nje ukuba uqonde ezi zithintelo zonxibelelwano, siya kusebenza ekoyiseni. Ngokukhokelwa ngugqirha wengqondo Jayant Sundaresan, makhe siphonononge iindlela zokuphucula unxibelelwano neqabane lakho.

Kutheni le nto ndizama ukunxibelelana neqabane lam?

Akukho mpendulo isemgangathweni kulo mbuzo kuba wonke umntu unxibelelana ngendlela ekhethekileyo nenzulu yobuqu. Nangona kunjalo, kukho ezimbalwa iimpawu zonxibelelwano olubi kubudlelwane oko kunokukunceda ubone iipateni eziyingxaki. UJayant uyacacisa, “Kusoloko kukho izikhombisi ezibonisa ukuba kukho ingxaki, akukho nto iphuma ngaphandle kwesizathu.Uyazi ukuba kukho ingxaki xa yonke incoko iba ngumlo. 

Kufuneka ulumkele umsindo uvakaliswe ngendlela engafanelekanga. Izigculelo, ukubetha, ukuhlaselwa komntu, njl. njl. azincedi ekusonjululweni kwengxabano. Ezinye iiflegi ezibomvu ziquka ukuchasa iincoko ezinzima, ukuthula ixesha elide, nokuphinda ubhekisele kwimiba yakudala. Okanye, kunokubakho umsantsa kunxibelelwano lwakho kunye neqabane lakho. indlela osebenza ngayo ayiphumeleli kwisiqingatha sakho esingcono kwaye ngokuchaseneyo. "

Phantsi kwezi meko, njani ukunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho? Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba akukho sisombululo sikhawulezayo kwimikhwa yonxibelelwano engalunganga. Zilinywa kangangexesha elithile ngomgudu nomonde nomonde. Ngelixa singenako ukukunika iifomula zomlingo zokukhawulezisa izinto, ngokuqinisekileyo sinokukukhokelela kwicala elichanekileyo ukuze umsebenzi wakho onzima ube neziqhamo. Jonga ezi ndlela zokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho.

Iingcebiso ezili-11 zeeNgcali zokuNxibelelana Ngcono neqabane lakho

Ubudlelwane kunye nemitshato kuyaxoxwa. Abantu ababini abavela kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo zobomi - bephethe imibono eyahlukeneyo, amabhongo, kunye neendlela - badibanisa iindlela zabo zokwakha ikamva kunye. Unxibelelwano yindlela amaqabane athethathethana ngayo, alalanisa, aze asombulule iingxaki zawo. Kungenxa yoko le nto iimpawu zonxibelelwano olubi kubudlelwane zingunobangela woloyiko. Ewe, masilungise ezo, akunjalo?

Mhlawumbi ungumntu ongakwaziyo ukunxibelelana nawe, okanye ufuna ukuxelela iqabane lakho ukuba linxibelelane ngcono. Mhlawumbi nobabini nizama ngako konke eninako kodwa iincoko zenu zibetha-bethana. Nokuba uvela phi na, ezi ngcebiso ziya kuba luncedo kakhulu kubudlelwane bakho. Zama kwaye uzifake kangangoko. Ukuba uhlala kuyo rhoqo, uya kuqaphela ukuphucuka okubonakalayo kumgangatho weengxoxo onazo kunye nesiqingatha sakho esingcono. Nantsi indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho ngeendlela ezili-11 ezilula.

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1. Nxibelelana ukusombulula iingxabano

UJayant uthi: “Injongo yayo nayiphi na incoko ifanele ibe kukoyisa okanye ukulungisa ingxaki. 

"Gcina umfanekiso omkhulu engqondweni, okt, ubudlelwane kunye nobomi owabelana nabo nabo. Hlalani ninxibelelana ukuze nisombulule, hayi ukoyisa." Le yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo iindlela zokuphucula unxibelelwano neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho. Xa nincokola nicombulula iingxabano, akufuneki kuthotywe okanye kukungabi nantlonelo. Uyayeka ukubona umntu wakho obalulekileyo njengotshaba. Kwixesha elizayo xa nixabene, qiniseka ukuba uyikhumbula le nto. 

2. Mamela, ubhalise, kwaye wenze inkqubo 

Yeyiphi enye yeempazamo ezinkulu ezenziwa zizibini ngelixa zinxibelelana? U-Jayant uyachaza, "Ndicinga ukuba amaqabane aphulaphula ukuphendula kunokuba aqonde. Xa uMlingane A ethetha, uMlingane B uxakekile equlunqa into abaza kuyithetha kumntu omnye. Iba ngumlo wokubuyela emva kunokuba incoko enentsingiselo. Omnye kufuneka ahlale emamele ukulinganisa imbono yomnye. Bave, baqhube oko bakuthethileyo, kwaye uya kunyathela kwizihlangu zabo zomzuzwana ezimbalwa." 

Sukucinga ngento oza kuyithetha ngokulandelayo kwaye ube khona ngalo mzuzu. Le yindlela kanye yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho. Unengqondo ukuphulaphula kuyaluphucula ulwalamano ngokuxhuma kunye nemida. Ngapha koko, jonga ngesiqingatha sakho esingcono rhoqo emva koko - "belunjani usuku lwakho namhlanje?", "ingaba ulungile kwezi ntsuku?", okanye "ikhona into endingakwenzela yona?" Ngokufanayo, qwalasela iimpawu zabo ezingezizo ezolwimi ngolwimi lomzimba. Uya kusiqonda kakuhle isimo sabo sengqondo. 

3. Indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho? Yiba nembeko ngamaxesha onke

Intlonipho yenye ye iimpawu zobudlelwane ezenza ubomi bube mnandi. Kwaye akufuneki, unxibelelane ngaphandle kokuhlonipha. UJayant uthi, “Imbeko yinto efunekayo kunxibelelwano.

"Indlela esiziphatha ngayo xa sikwindawo ephakamileyo yeyona nto ibalulekileyo. Kwezo zihlandlo, iqabane lakho aliyi kukwazi ukuzithethelela kuyo nantoni na oyithethayo. Kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuba nenkululeko yokuba khohlakele. Kodwa ndiyathemba ukuba awukwenzi oko kuba abantu bayakhumbula indlela esibenza bazive ngayo. Yiba nobubele, uvelwano, kwaye ngaphezu kwako konke, ube nentlonipho." Ukuba ucinga ukuba awuhlonitshwa kwincoko, xelela iqabane lakho ukuba linxibelelane ngcono kwangoko kwaye lizobe umda weemvakalelo. 

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4. Cacisa iingcinga zakho kakuhle

U-Jayant uthi, "Kubalulekile ukuba ube nokucaca kwisiphelo sakho. Ukuba uza kuzama ukudlulisa iingcinga ezingaphelelanga apho nawe ubungekazicacisi ngokupheleleyo, iqabane lakho lizakwenza njani intsingiselo kuzo? Hlala nawe kwaye ukhuphe izimvo zakho. Yintoni ofuna ukuyithetha? Ungaba nengxoxo ngendlela elungeleleneyo nepholileyo xa uyiqiqile le nto. Ibalulekile iqabane lakho. Luxanduva lwakho ukunxibelelana nawe iimfuno zeemvakalelo kubudlelwane.

Ukuziqhelanisa nokuba nengqiqo nge-yoga, ijenali, okanye ukucamngca kunokukunceda kakhulu. Fika kwindawo yoxolo kunye nokuzazi ngaphambi kokuba uye kwiqabane lakho. Oku kuya kuthintela iingcamango ezichithakeleyo kunye nokudideka. Kananjalo akukho lula ukuba uphulukane nomkhondo wesihloko okanye uphambukele kwamanye amacala. Yintoni eya kuwe, iya kumlingane wakho naye. Kunokuba wenze intelekelelo, bakhuthaze ukuba bacace ngakumbi ngentetho. (Ufuna ukwazi ngakumbi malunga nendlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho? Qhubeka ufunda!)

5. Kuphephe ukubeka ityala kwiqabane lakho

Ukutshintshwa kwetyala ngamaqabane yenye yeempawu ezinkulu zonxibelelwano olubi kubudlelwane. UJayant uyacacisa, “Xa ufaka izityholo, umntu udla ngokuzithethelela. Kukho into elula kakhulu onokuyenza ukunqanda ukubeka ityala.Kunokuqala isivakalisi sakho ngokuthi “wena”, qala ngo “mna” Musa ukuthi, “Ulibele isikhumbuzo sethu, ngubani owenza loo nto?” Yithi, "Ndiziva buhlungu kakhulu kuba ulibale isikhumbuzo sethu." Cacisa indlela izenzo zabo ezikwenze waziva ngayo - uya kuyiqonda lula ingongoma yakho. " 

Umthetho othi "I" yenye yeendlela ezilungileyo zokuphucula unxibelelwano kunye neqabane lakho. Izityholo kunye nokutyhola zihlala zivutha umsindo ngexesha lokungavisisani. Kukho ithuba elikhulu lokuba isibini siqalise ukurhweba ngezityholo ezimbi endaweni yokuncokola ngendlela ephilileyo. Ukulawula umsindo kubudlelwane kubalulekile ngamaxesha onke; musa ukuzibandakanya kwimidlalo yokusola ukuba ufuna ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo. 

6. Indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho? Musa ukuveza iingxoxo ezidlulileyo

Ngumsebenzi ongenamsebenzi ukukhumbula iingxoxo zexesha elidlulileyo. U-Jayant uyachaza: “Ukusebenzisa into eyathethwa liqabane lakho kwingxabano yakudala njengembumbulu ngumkhwa ombi, ngamaxesha omsindo nonxunguphalo, siye sithande ukuthetha izinto ezingavakaliswanga kakuhle.

“Kuphephe ukuthetha izinto ngokubanzi.” “Usoloko usenza le nto” okanye “awukhe wenze into endiyifunayo.” Babonakala besithi iqabane lakho alikakhuli yaye liphindaphinda iimpazamo ezifanayo. Ngaphandle kokuba uzama ukukhomba iindlela zokuziphatha eziphindaphindiweyo, gcina ixesha elidlulileyo. Iya kuba nje ukugxila kowona mba kwaye yenza incoko ibe nzima. (Akufani nokuba iqabane lakho aliyi kuzisa iimpazamo zakho ezindala.)

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7. Gxininisa kwinkalo yeemvakalelo phambi kokuba uxelele iqabane lakho ukuba linxibelelane ngcono

Umbhali waseMelika kunye nomqeqeshi wobomi u-Anthony Robbins uthe, "Ukunxibelelana ngokufanelekileyo, kufuneka siqonde ukuba sonke sahlukile kwindlela esilijonga ngayo ilizwe kwaye sisebenzise oku kuqonda njengesikhokelo kunxibelelwano lwethu nabanye." Ukunamathela ngokungqongqo kwingqiqo kunye/okanye ukuqiqa ngexesha lencoko ayiyondlela ilungileyo yokwenza. Ugxininiso lwakho kufuneka lube kumyalezo weemvakalelo othunyelwa kuwo wonke. UJayant uthi, “Ngokomzekelo, musa ukuyilungisa igrama yeqabane lakho okanye indlela yokubiza amagama; oko kuthetha ukuba ulwa nesemantics.

Ingxubusho idla ngokwenziwa ngendlela eqhelekileyo kuyo.” Kusenokwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho lithetha into ebonakala iphikisana noko belikuthethile ngaphambili. Kakade ke, ufanele walathe uhanahaniso okanye imilinganiselo emibini. Kodwa musa ukuthabatha indima katitshala okanye uzithobe ngokwasengqondweni. Qonda ukuba yintoni inkxalabo yomnye wakho ebalulekileyo. Ba ukulwa nemiba yokuthembana? Ngaba bafuna inkxaso yakho? Okanye ngaba baziva bengakhuselekanga?

8. Chaza into oyifunayo ngokucacileyo

Nxibelelana ngeemfuno zakho kubudlelwane ngokucacileyo. Ukuba iqabane lakho liyasokola ukukubonelela ngezixhobo ezichanekileyo zovakalelo, baxelele indlela yokwenza ngayo. UJayant uthi, “Ubudlelwane bufanele bukhokelele ekukhuleni nasekonwabeni.Ukuba oku akwenzeki kuwe, ukuba iqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho aliququzeleli oku, kufuneka ube nencoko enyanisekileyo kwaye uchaze oko banokukwenza.Yithi, “Ndifuna ukuba undenzele _______.” Ungalibazisi ukuthetha ngokuthe tye.

Nantsi imizekelo embalwa: “Ndifuna ukuba ungazigxeki kangako iinzame zam ukuze ndizive ndikhuthazekile kwaye ndixhaswa”, “Ndifuna ukuba ube nothando ngakumbi kuba ukungabikho kokusondelana ngokomzimba ayihambisani nolwimi lwam lothando” okanye “Ndifuna ukuba uphendule xa ndithetha kuba andiviwa.” Le yenye yeendlela ezithe ngqo zokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho. 

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9. Iindlela zokuphucula unxibelelwano neqabane lakho – Musa ukwenza izinto ezininzi ngelixa unxibelelana   

UJayant uthi: “Musa ukujonga ifowuni yakho, sukuphakama uyokwenza ikofu, yaye ungaphazanyiswa zizinto ezingenamsebenzi ngoxa iqabane lakho lithetha.” Kukungabi nantlonelo ukunikela ingqalelo kwezinye izinto ngoxa nincokola.

"Ningaze nibe neengxoxo ezibalulekileyo ngelixa niqhuba kuba anijongani. Aniboni intshukumo yomzimba okanye imbonakalo yomnye. Qiniseka ukuba uthetha ngokuzinikela." Ininzi inyaniso kule nto. Phubbing (ukucima ifowuni) lonakalisa ubudlelwane obuninzi kunokuba ubunokulindela. Ukuba ufuna ngokwenene ukufunda indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho, kunqande ukwenza izinto ezininzi njengomthetho. Jonga zonke iimvakalelo zakho kunye namandla kwincoko. 

10. Musa ukuziphepha iincoko ezinzima

Indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho? Ngokuthetha nabo ngenene - hayi nje ngezinto ezivuyisayo. Iingxoxo ezingonwabanga ziyinxalenye kunye nepasile yokuba nomntu. Kuya kubakho iingongoma zokuxabana kwaye kuya kufuneka jonga indawo erhabaxa ngokuyikhawuleza. Ewe, bayaxina ngokweemvakalelo, ngokufuthi bayakhathaza, yaye kulucelomngeni kakhulu ukuba nabo. Kodwa jonga iincoko ezinzima njengeendlela zokunxibelelana ngeemfuno zakho kubudlelwane.

UJayant uthi, “Iingxaki ziya ziba mbi ngakumbi xa zingahoywanga. Kungcono ukuba nijongane nazo ngqo. Musa ukuzama ukuzibaleka ezi ncoko ngezizathu ezingakumbi. Okubaluleke ngakumbi, musa ukulivala iqabane lakho okanye uhambe xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle. Indlela elungileyo yokuhlangabezana nezihloko ezicinezela ngolo hlobo kukucwangcisa incoko kwangaphambili. Ukulungiselela kuya kusoloko kukunceda unxibelelane kakuhle.”

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11. Khetha iingcebiso zezibini kwaye ufunde indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho

Luluvo olulungileyo ukufowunela ezinye iziqinisekiso xa izinto zikhangeleka ziluhlaza kwisebe lonxibelelwano. UJayant uthi, “Ukufikelela kwingcali iingcebiso zesibini inokukusebenzela ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi. Okokuqala, ugqirha uya kulungisa naziphi na iindlela zokucinga ezingekho sempilweni wena kunye neqabane lakho. Okwesibini, baya kudibana nawe ngabanye kunye kunye ukuze bafikelele kwingcambu yengxaki. Kwaye okwesithathu, baya kukunceda uziqhelanise nonxibelelwano olunempilo kunye nesikhokelo. ”

Ukuba ucinga ngokufuna uncedo, abacebisi abanezakhono nabanamava kwiBonobology's ipaneli yeengcali zilapha ngenxa yakho. Banokukunceda ukuvavanya imeko yakho ngcono kwaye bakuncede ufunde indlela yokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho. Silapha ngenxa yakho ngelixa ufumana imikhwa yobudlelwane obunempilo. Kudos kuwe ngokuthatha eli nyathelo kwicala elifanelekileyo. 

Oku kusizisa esiphelweni sohambo lwethu. Ezo yayiziindlela zokunxibelelana ngcono neqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho. Ubucinga ntoni ngabo? Ukuba kukho into esiyiphosileyo, nceda usibhalele okanye ulahle inkcazo apha ngezantsi. Kuhlala kumnandi ukuva kubafundi bethu! Okwangoku, sinethemba lokuba iincoko zakho ziyasebenza kwaye zigudile. Ngamana ungahlala unxibelelana njengentshatsheli. 

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