UluXolisa njani kwisoka lakho: Iindlela ezili-15

Ukuhamba ngendlela yobudlelwane akusoloko kulula. Njengazo zonke ezinye iihambo, ngamanye amaxesha siye sibetheka, ngakumbi xa kufikwa ekuceleni uxolo kubudlelwane. Ukuba ulapha kuba ujonge iindlela zokucela uxolo kwisithandwa sakho, sikugubungele. Ingcaphephe yethu Jyoti Dadlani usikhumbuza ukuba unokufumana eyona ndlela yothando yokucela uxolo kumfana wakho emva kokulwa. Kodwa kukuzisola okunyanisekileyo okubalulekileyo.

Ngokuka Dadlani, ukuphiliswa kuthatha ixesha. Ngoko endaweni yokucela uxolo ngokungayekeleliyo, hlonela ixesha nendawo abayifunayo. Kanye njengophononongo olupapashwe kwijenali Imida yePsychology icebisa, ukucela uxolo rhoqo kunokucaphukisa kwaye kudinwe komnye umntu. Ukucela uxolo kwisithandwa sakho kuthetha (ngokufanelekileyo) ukugxila ekulungiseni ngaphaya kwamagama, kunye nokubamba ifuthe lezenzo zakho. Namhlanje, sikuphathele iindlela ezilishumi elinesihlanu zokucela uxolo kulowo umthandayo, sidibanisa ubulumko bukaDadlani. Olu hambo loxolelwaniso kunye nokukhula luya kuqinisekisa olona xolo lusuka entliziyweni ukusuka ekugqibeleni kwakho.

UluXolisa njani kwisoka lakho: Iindlela ezili-15

Njengoko sele sitshilo, ukucela uxolo ngokunyanisekileyo asingomazwi nje; kukuqonda ubunzima bezenzo zakho. Ezinye izinto ekufuneka uzigcine engqondweni njengoko ufunda ukucela uxolo kwindoda emva komlo:

• Ukucela uxolo ngokusuk’ entliziyweni kuthetha ukuvuma iimpazamo uze ufunge ukuba awuyi kuziphinda
• Unxibelelwano lungundoqo, nokuba ukuphinda ujonge umba kubangela ukungonwabi. Incoko yangaphakathi-mntu ityhila iimvakalelo zakho ngokucacileyo ngakumbi kunemibhalo
• Ukuyila uxolo olunentsingiselo kudlulela ngaphaya kwe-ego; igcina iqhina
• Intlungu ingahlala, kodwa ukuzisola ngokulimaza iqabane lakho kumema ukuphiliswa kunye ukukhula kubudlelwane

Ezi ndlela zili-15 zokucela uxolo kwisoka lakho ziibhulorho zokuphilisa, kunye neeiankile zobudlelwane obunempilo. Azibonakalisi buthathaka, kodwa amandla ekuzinikeleni kwakho ekukhuliseni nasekuphuhliseni kunye.

1. Bonisa ukuzisola ngokwenene

Research ibonisa ukuba ngokwemvelo abantu bafuna iindlela zokulungisa amaqhina emva kweengxabano. Ukucela uxolo ngokulula kunokuvuselela ukuthembana kuze kunciphise iimvakalelo ezidimazayo. Ukucela uxolo kwisoka kububungqina bokuzibophelela kwakho ekulungiseni ubudlelwane obuxabisa kakhulu. 

• Ngamaxesha oxinzelelo, endaweni yokuphinda uthi uxolo kumfana wakho njengeskripthi esiqheliselweyo, thatha umoya onzulu kwaye unqumame.
• Sebenzisa eso nqumamo ukuqokelela iimvakalelo zakho kwaye unikeze a uxolo olunyanisekileyo ngexesha lencoko yangaphakathi
• Ukuvuma apho wenze khona impazamo kubonisa ukukhula kunye nomnqweno wokwenene wokulungisa izinto
• Xa uvakalisa ukuzisola ngezenzo zakho, akukhona nje ngamagama, kodwa ukunyaniseka emva kwawo okubonisa ukuba uyaluxabisa ubudlelwane.

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2. Mmangalise ngosuku olukhethekileyo

Ukucela uxolo kumfana wakho, yenza umsebenzi wezandla usuku oluzaliswe zizinto ezothusayo ezisuka entliziyweni. Imigudu yakho ithetha lukhulu, ibonisa ukuba uvakalelwa ngendlela engathethekiyo ngentlungu oyibangeleyo. Awudingi izijekulo ezinkulu; zizinto ezincinci ezenza impembelelo ehlala ixesha elide. 

• Lungiselela imisebenzi yosuku ngokwemidla yakhe nezinto azithandayo
• Dibanisa izinto ezincinci ezothusayo imini yonke, njengokupheka ukutya akuthandayo
• Mmangalise kunye nomhla womlingo ebusuku

3. Indlela yokucela uxolo kumfana kwaye umbuyisele? Ngokucwangcisa uhambo olufutshane

Cinga ngokucwangcisa uhambo olufutshane lwempelaveki ukuya kwindawo ayithandayo. Olu tshintsho kwimbonakalo yendawo lubambe amandla emibono ehlaziyiweyo kwaye lubonelela ngendawo apho unokujongana ngokuphandle nomba okhoyo. Eli thuba alikuvumeli kuphela ukuba ugcine ubuso kodwa likwabonelela nethuba lokulungisa ibhondi. 

• Khetha indawo egcina iinkumbulo ezimnandi, okanye ujonge indawo entsha kunye
• Ukutshintsha kwemekobume kuyasinceda ukuba sitshintshe ingqwalasela yethu kulo mba, ukuze sikwazi ukuwujonga ngokufanelekileyo nangokungagxininisi.
• Khuthaza unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo malunga neemvakalelo ngokudala umoya wokuphumla kunye namakhandlela anevumba elimnandi kwaye mhlawumbi ingoma elula. Mchazele indlela ozisola ngayo ngokumkhathaza

4. Jonga ukusondelana njengoxolo

Kubudlelwane, ukubambana ngokwasemzimbeni kunokunxibelelana neemvakalelo apho amagama esilela khona. Emva kwempazamo, unokuziva ulahlekile ngokupheleleyo ngenxa yamagama arhabaxa asuka kwiqabane okanye ngenxa yamazwi angakhathaliyo esiwathetha kuthi. Emva koko uxolise njani kwindoda ebuhlungu ngamazwi okanye ngezenzo zakho? 

Indlela esondeleleneyo inokuvala umsantsa. Ngamnye wethu ubekhona – Emva kotshintshiselwano olushushu, amagama ngamanye amaxesha akonelanga ukulungisa umsantsa. Ezo zihlandlo zokuthandabuza, xa ufuna ukucela uxolo kwisoka emva kwengxabano, unokuthotyelwa ngokuwolana okuthuthuzelayo okanye ukuchukumisa. 

• Khethani isetingi yangaphakathi yomntu apho ninokuba kufutshane kwaye nobabini nive nisiva
• Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuwola okanye ukubamba ngobubele kunokudlulisela uxolo lwewaka, kubambe eyona nto iphambili yokuzisola kunamazwi nje.
• Hlanganisa umnxeba kunye nencoko evulekileyo, uqinisekise ukuba awubonisi nje kuphela, kodwa uxelele. Yabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho, xoxa ngezinto ozizisolayo ngazo, kwaye wenze umzamo wokungaphindi impazamo efanayo

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5. Bhala ileta esuka entliziyweni

Kwilizwe lethu ledijithali elikhawulezayo, ileta ebhalwe ngesandla yimpefumlo yomoya omtsha. Kukangaphi siye sachwetheza ngokukhawuleza iitekisi kunye nee-DM ngaphandle kokunqumama ukuze sive ubunzima begama ngalinye? Ukuba ukhe wafumana inqaku elibhalwe ngesandla okanye ileta, uyayazi indlela evakala ngayo imvakalelo. Isenzo sokubhala ngokwaso sisinyango, esisivumela ukuba siqhube ngokwenene iimvakalelo zethu. Xa amazwi ethwele ubunzima beentlungu ezingaka, lixesha lokuba ubhale phantsi afanelekileyo ukuze ucele uxolo lokwenene, ngakumbi emva komlo.

• Galela intliziyo yakho kwi-inki nasephepheni, wenze ukuxolisa kwakho kube yimbonakaliso ebonakalayo yokuzisola kwakho
• Endaweni yokuthumela ngoko nangoko imiyalezo yoxolo ngesicatshulwa, lungisa ileta ngamagama achanekileyo amkhumbuza ngonxibelelwano lwakho
• Ukubhala ngesandla kukuvumela ukuba ucothe, ucinge nzulu, kwaye ubambe ngokwenene iimvakalelo zakho kunye nesoka lakho. Esi senzo sibonisa ukuzinikela kwakho ekuqondeni imbono yakhe kunye nokwenza izilungiso
• Ileta ebhalwe nguwe iya kukunceda nawe uziphendulele

6. Guqula uxolo lwakho lube yingoma

Ngaba ukhe waba nengoma eyakubuyisela ngoko nangoko kumzuzu okanye imvakalelo ethile? Sebenzisa la mandla eemvakalelo ngokwenza owakho ingoma. Kufana nokuvula unomathotholo uze ungalindelanga uve ingoma equka loo nto uyivayo ngokuchanekileyo. Ngoku, khawufane ucinge ukuba loo ngoma yenzelwe ubuhlobo bakho, ichaza ukuzisola kwakho kunye nomnqweno wokulungisa izinto. 

• Yenza ividiyo emfutshane okanye ingoma engaphaya koxolo olungenanto, ebonisa ukuba ukulungele ukwamkela uxanduva kubudlelwane
• Okanye khetha ingoma ehambelana neemvakalelo zakho kwaye uhlele amazwi abonisa uxolo lwakho
• Qinisekisa ukuba ithoni ihambelana neemvakalelo zakho kwaye ibonisa ukuzibophelela kwakho ekuxoleni ngokunyanisekileyo

7. Ukucela uxolo kumfana wakho, thatha uncedo lomhlobo wakhe osenyongweni

Ukucela uncedo lomhlobo omthembileyo maxa wambi kunokwenza umntu acele uxolo. Cinga ngomhlobo wakhe osenyongweni njengomhlobo wakho, umntu owazi kakuhle nobabini. Zibandakanye kwincoko enyanisekileyo nomhlobo, wabelane ngeenjongo zakho ezinyanisekileyo zokulungisa izinto. 

• Ukuva icala lakho ukwilizwi elahlukileyo, ngakumbi elo alithembileyo, kunokuphelisa uxinezeleko
• Usenokuba uyawaphulaphula amazwi omhlobo wakhe kunawakho ngoku
• Umhlobo unokuvala umsantsa wonxibelelwano, kwaye ugxininise ukunyaniseka kwakho kunye nomnqweno wakho lungisa ubudlelwane
• Umhlobo wakhe kufuneka awuqonde umongo kwaye adlulise uxolo lwakho ngendlela ehambelana nesithandwa sakho

8. Yenza kwakhona inkumbulo

Ukuphinda ujonge indawo oyithandayo, njengala café apho ubunomhla wakho wokuqala, inokuba sisenzo esinamandla. Khumbula ukuhleka phezu kwekofu echithekileyo okanye ukwabelana ngedessert? Ukukhumbula la maxesha akukho malunga nokukhumbula nje; imalunga nokuvuma isiseko sebhondi yakho kwaye usebenzele ukuyakha kwakhona kwaye uyiqinise. Ukuntywila nzulu ngaphantsi komcimbi ongaphezulu kwaye uvumele i-nostalgia iqhube indlela.

• Phinda uvuse intlantsi ngokukhumbula loo maxesha akhethekileyo, ugxininisa ukuba ubusoloko uhoya iinkcukacha zohambo lwakho ekwabelwana ngalo.
• Zinike ixesha elibalulekileyo lokuqonda ukuba yintoni eyonakeleyo kwaye ufune iindlela zokulungisa umsantsa
• Sebenzisa indawo eyingqongileyo eqhelekileyo njengendawo yangasemva ukumenza akhululeke ngokwaneleyo ukuba avuleke. Thetha ngobunzulu beemvakalelo zakho, kwaye uqonde eyakhe

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9. Cwangcisa ubusuku obujonge inkwenkwezi ukubonisa ukuba uzisola ngenene

Sebenzisa le ndlela yothando ukuthi uxolo kwisithandwa sakho, ukuvumela ubuhle bezulu ukuba bucwangcise ukuzisola kwakho. Kanye njengokuba iinkwenkwezi zikhanyisa ubumnyama, iinkumbulo zinokuqaqambisa amabala alusizi kulwalamano. Yeyona ndawo ifanelekileyo yokucela uxolo, ukubonakalisa, kunye nokuvuselela uthando, kukwenza ube namava ekwabelwana ngawo kunye nesithembiso sengomso eliqaqambileyo. 

Ngaphezu koko, uphando ikhokelwa nguMathew White ovela kwiDyunivesithi yase-Exeter iveze ukuba ukuchitha iiyure ezimbini nje ngeveki kwiindawo eziluhlaza ngokwendalo kuphucula impilo-ntle yomntu ngokwasengqondweni kunye nempilo iyonke. Inokunceda amaqabane ukuba aphinde azole kwaye anciphise unxunguphalo ngamaxesha ongquzulwano nawo.

• Njengeenkwenkwezi zimenyezela, amazwi akho makabe ngaphezu kokugcwalisa okomzuzwana. Lungisa impazamo ngokuthe ngqo, efuna ukuxolelwa nokuqonda
• Sebenzisa indawo esondeleleneyo njengethuba lokucela uxolo kumfo kwaye umbuyisele, ujongane nazo naziphi na iimvakalelo zokusabela ngokugqithisileyo okanye ukungaqondani.
• Indawo engasemva epholileyo inokukhuthaza imeko-bume efanelekileyo yokucela uxolo kubudlelwane, nivumele nobabini ukuba niqhubele phambili kunye.

10. Yenza imbiza yememori

Guqula ingqayi elula ibe yingqwebo yobuncwane yamaxesha axabisekileyo kunye namaphupha ekwabelwana ngawo. Sonke sinezo nkumbulo zincinci, njengeziqhulo zangaphakathi eniziqondayo nobabini kuphela okanye ingoma edlalwa ngexesha lokukhwela imoto ekhumbulekayo. Ubugcisa amanqaku abhalwe ngesandla kuye evumayo intlungu ebangelwe kunye nezilungiso oya kuzenza. 

• Bhala imiyalezo esuka entliziyweni ebambe umongo wobudlelwane bakho. Yabelana ngamathemba ekamva, ubonise ukuzibophelela kwakho kwingomso elingcono
• Ngokucofa le ngqayi, awugcini nje ngokugcina iinkumbulo kodwa ubonisa ukuba uthatha amanyathelo abalulekileyo okucela uxolo kumfana wakho ngokugqithisela / ukumenza buhlungu / ungamthembi, njl.
• Esi sikhumbuzo sibambekayo seqhina lakho sinokusebenza njengembonakaliso ebonakalayo yemizamo yakho anokufumana intuthuzelo kuyo kamva. 

11. Yabelanani ngoluhlu lwamabhakethi omnye komnye

Oku kusemva kokuba kwenziwe uxolo. Eli nyathelo liyinxalenye yezilungiso kunye nokudibanisa kwakhona. 

• Budandalazise ubuthathaka bakho njengesenzo esithi "Ndiyakuthemba." Iqabane lakho lisenokungakwazi ukuvula ngokukhawuleza, kodwa wena ukuba sengozini nomntu wakho okokuqala linyathelo elikhulu phambili ekuphiliseni umsantsa wakho
• Tshintshiselana ngoluhlu lwamabhakethi akho (okanye wabelana nawe) kwaye uthethe ngamaphupha kunye neenjongo onazo. Cinga nje ngeendawo othe uya kuzindwendwela “ngeny’ imini” okanye amava owabekele bucala “kamva”
• Sebenzisa lo mzuzu ukuthi molo kwindlela ekwabelwana ngayo, uyifake ngenjongo entsha. Chaza iminqweno yobuqu, kwanaleyo kusenokuba nzima ukuyixubusha
• Oku kumenza abone ukuba uyinxalenye yamaphupha akho ekamva

12. Hlalani nithethe

Ukuthi cwaka kusenokubangela ukungaqondani, nto leyo eyenza izinto zibe mbi ngakumbi. Khetha ukulula kwencoko ukucima umoya kunye nokwahlukana kwebhulorho. USusan McCarthy, umbhali ngokubambisana we Uxolo, Uxolo, Uxolo: Ityala Loxolo Olulungileyo, ibethelela ukubaluleka kokunyaniseka xa ucela uxolo. Ukucela uxolo ngendlela engafanelekanga okanye ngokunganyanisekanga kunokwandisa umsantsa. Njengoko uMcCarthy esitsho ngokufanelekileyo, “Kufana nokufihla ukuba kubi ngakumbi kunolwaphulo-mthetho.” Ukungxengxeza okanye ukutyholana kumenza angabi namdla lowo ulimeleyo.

• Zibandakanye kwingxoxo evulekileyo nenyanisekileyo, ngaphandle kweziphazamiso. Thatha ixesha emsebenzini, uxanduva, kunye neefowuni zakho. Nikani ingqalelo enye kwenye, ninika indawo ekhuselekileyo yokuvakalisa iimvakalelo
• Kuphephe ukutsibela kwizigqibo kwaye nimamele ngenkuthalo iimbono zomnye nomnye. Olu nxibelelwano luthe ngqo nolunyanisekileyo luvumela ukuba nobabini ninxibelelane kwaye niphilise

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13. Thatha uhambo kwimemori yendlela yemingeni yangaphambili

Phinda ujonge amaxesha anzima kwixesha elidlulileyo abonise ukuvuma kwenu ukufunda kunye nokukhula, ngakumbi ukuba uye wabetha isiqwenga esingesihle ngoku. Khumbula laa pikiniki yasehlotyeni xa kunetha imvula, kodwa wadanisa? Okanye ixesha oye wazama ukupheka kunye kwaye wagqiba uku-odola ukuthatha? Oku akukho malunga nokukhumbula nje; imalunga nokuqonda. Imalunga nokusebenzisa ezo nkumbulo njengeziseko zokuvula indlela iincoko ezinzulu, ukuphiliswa, kunye neqhina elihlaziyiweyo.

• Khetha indawo ekhethekileyo apho iinkumbulo ezibalulekileyo zenziwa khona. Khumbuza ngamaxesha athe akusondeza kunye nezifundo ozifundileyo
• Mkhumbuze yena kunye nawe ukuba niliqela kwaye nobabini nizoyisile iingxaki ngaphambili. Eli ayiloxesha lokuqala, kwaye ayizukuba lelokugqibela
• Sebenzisa lo msebenzi wokuziqhelanisa ukuze uvule indlela yokucela uxolo kwisithandwa sakho kunye neencoko ezinyanisekileyo malunga nezenzo zakho.

14. Cwangcisa ubusuku bhanyabhanya ukwenza isoka lakho likuxolele

Ukudala ubusuku bebhanyabhanya obukhethekileyo akukhona nje ukuzonwabisa; lisango lonxibelelwano olungcono. Olu seto lufanelekile ukujongana nokuziphatha kwamva nje, ukubonakalisa into engahambi kakuhle, kunye nokwamkela imfuneko yokucela uxolo.

• Njengoko uncokola neefilimu zakhe azithandayo, umoya opholileyo kunye nokusondelana komzimba kuvula indlela yeencoko ezinyanisekileyo.
• Khetha imuvi yakhe ayithandayo evuselela iimvakalelo eziphilileyo okanye ezinzulu. Oku kunokuvula indlela yokuthatha uxanduva nokuvakalisa ukuzisola
• Emva koko, sebenzisa ikhefu phakathi kwemiboniso ukuze yabelana ngeemvakalelo zakho. Cinga ngezenzo zakho kwaye uchaze iimvakalelo zakho
• Emva kobusuku bomboniso bhanya-bhanya, thumela isicatshulwa soxolo evakalisa ukuzisola kwakho

15. Funa ingcebiso

Xa ubambekile kwi-loop yokungaqondi kwaye iwaka lokuxolisa aliyinqumli, ukuguqukela kunyango lwesibini kunokutshintsha umdlalo. Kufana nokumema isikhokelo esithembekileyo ukuba sijonge amabala arhabaxa kunye. Eli nyathelo libonisa ukuzinikela kwakho ekusombululeni imiba enzulu kunye ukwakha ngokutsha ukuthembana. Ngoncedo lwengcali, unokutyhila iingcambu zeempazamo zakho, ufunde kuzo, kwaye wakhe isiseko esomeleleyo sobudlelwane obunempilo.

• Sebenzisa iiseshini zonyango njengendawo ekhuselekileyo yokuxoxa ngokukhululekileyo ngeenkxalabo kunye nokuzisola. Ngena nzulu kwiingxaki ezisisiseko ezikhokelele kwiimpazamo, ezikhokelela ekuzaziseni ngakumbi
• Wonke umntu uyazenza iimpazamo. Lamkele ithuba lokufunda kubo kwaye ukhuthaze ukukhula komntu

Xa kuziwa ekuceleni uxolo kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ucela uxolo kangakanani. Ukuba ayiguquguquki, ingabonisa umcimbi omkhulu. Izenzo zihlala zithetha ngaphezu kwamazwi, ngoko kunokuba ucele uxolo, bonisa ukuba unenkathalo ngezenzo zakho. Nantso indlela obonisa ngayo ukuzibophelela kwakho.

Zivume iimpazamo zakho kwaye uziqonde ngokwenene. Yamkela amandla okucinga. Ngokulandela la manyathelo, uyakha umanyano olomeleleyo, olusempilweni olusekwe ekuqondeni ngcono nasekukhuleni.

Indlela Yokuyeka Ukuxambulisana kubudlelwane-Iingcebiso ezili-11 eziSebenza ngokwenene!

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Iimpawu ezili-12 ozisola ngazo ngokwahlukana kwaye kufuneka unike elinye ithuba

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.

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