Ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo-Ziyintoni kwaye zijongeka njani?

Ukusuka emzimbeni ukuya engqondweni, ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo bukwenza uzive usekhaya. A isifundo wachaza ukuziva unqabisekile kulwalamano “njengemvakalelo yokhuseleko, ukuthembana, nokuzinza kulwalamano apho oko kulindelweyo kuhlangatyezwana okanye kuya kuhlangatyezwana ngokwaneleyo phakathi kwemida yolwalamano olusenyongweni.” 

Kukwalapho iThe Pretenders yacula, “Ayikho into oyivumayo, enokundenza ndikuthande kancinci, ndiza kuma nawe.” Okanye xa u-India uArie Simpson wacula wathi, “Sinokuthetha ngayo nantoni na, akukho nto ayifihlayo. Akazoyiki iimvakalelo zakhe, akalokhoboka lekratshi lakhe. Undinike uthando, uzinzile.” Okanye xa uMichael Franti & Spearhead bacula, “Andoyiki ukuba ndedwa. Kodwa ukuba wedwa kungcono xa unawe. Ubomi bungcono xa unawe.”

Iingoma ezihlukeneyo, kwiimbono zobungcali kwiimpawu zobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo, sithethile Niyatii N Shah, umfundisi wezesondo, umcebisi, umqeqeshi wobudlelwane obusondeleyo, kunye nomqeqeshi wokukhulisa abantwana. Makhe sifike ezantsi intsingiselo yobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo kwaye sifumanise ukuba abantu ababini banokudala njani ubudlelwane bothando obusempilweni obulungele ukwenziwa kwiingoma.

Yintoni Ubudlelwane obuKhuselekileyo?

Niyatii ithi, “Kukukwazi ukuthembela kwiqabane lakho ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwemali.” Ngokusisiseko, kuxa i-alamu yakho yangaphakathi iziva iphumle kakhulu. Kodwa makhe sibe ngumhlobo wemvakalelo yokungakhuseleki phambi kokuba sithethe ngobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo. Ngokutsho koku uphando, “Yintoni echasene nokungakhuseleki? Ukuzithemba ngokupheleleyo? Ukungoyiki ngokupheleleyo? Ekuqaleni, oko kuvakala kumangalisa. Kodwa yilumkele into oyinqwenelayo. Kuphela sisi-1 ekhulwini sabemi esiye salufikelela olu sukelo luthandabuzekayo – i-psychopaths.” 

Ukuba awuyiyo i-psychopath, ngoko ke makhe sizame ukukhumbula ukuba ukungakhuseleki kunceda ingqondo yethu yakudala ngokhuseleko, ukuzazi, ukuba kunye, kunye nokuvisisana. Ngokophononongo olungentla, ngokwembono yendalo, kungcono ukukhala isilumkiso esingeyonyani xa kungekho soyikiso kunokuphoswa sisongelo sokwenyani. Yiyo loo nto, ukungakhuseleki phakathi kwamaqabane kungasebenza njengenkqubo yokulumkisa ukuba bafune ukhuseleko kunye nemvisiswano omnye komnye.

Enye indlela enkulu yokuqonda isimbo sobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo kukuchasanisa neempawu zobudlelwane obungakhuselekanga. Ezimbalwa okanye zibe nye kwezi mpawu zinokuphinda zenzakalisa ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo:

• Kukho ukuziphatha okungalindelekanga / ukuguquka kweemvakalelo, iingxabano ezingasonjululwanga, okanye umsindo ofihlakeleyo omnye komnye ubudlelwane obungenampilo
• Ukuba akukho kuthembana phakathi kwamaqabane, ukunqongophala konxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, okanye ukuba usafuna ukwenza phambi komnye, ayisosimbo sobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo.
• Indlela yokuziphatha engafanelekanga yeqabane elinye okanye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi
• Iimvakalelo zakho aziviwa, aziqinisekiswanga, okanye zibuyiselwe. Uziva ugwetyiwe
• Ukunqongophala kokhuseleko ngokwasemzimbeni, ukhuseleko ngokwasemoyeni, okanye ukhuseleko lwezemali, okanye ukuba ngumthwalo onzima wokusebenza ngokwasemoyeni okanye ngokwemali
• Ukoyika izihloko ezinkulu kunye neengxabano / ukungavisisani kunye nokungaqiniseki ukuba iqabane lakho liya kuhlala ebomini bakho okanye liphule intliziyo yakho.
• Ukuziva ngathi iimfuno zakho azikhathali, uzive ngathi ungumthwalo, awukwazi ukubonisa ubuntu, kwaye awukwazi ukubeka imida kunye neqabane.
• Ukucaphukela ixesha lasimahla leqabane lakho, impumelelo, ubuhlobo, inkqubo yenkxaso yentlalontle, inkangeleko, ukomelela, njl.

UNiyatii uthi, “Izibini, kwanakulwalamano lwabantu abadala, ngokufuthi zicinga ukuba iqabane lazo liyakwazi oko likufunayo okanye elikufunayo ngaphandle kokulithetha, aliliphulaphuli ngokukhutheleyo iqabane lalo, lisebenzisa intetho erhabaxa, liziphepha iincoko ezinzima, yaye lingakhululeki yaye linganyaniseki ngeengcinga neemvakalelo zalo omnye komnye.” Ukugcina oko engqondweni, nantsi imizekelo emibini ebonisa intsingiselo yobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo:

• “Xa ndicela uthando okanye ixesha elithile elisemgangathweni, ndiyazi ukuba intswelo yam ifanelekile kwaye isengqiqweni, kwaye ndiya kufumana isiqinisekiso endisifaneleyo”
• "Banezithombe zabahlobo babo kumakhasi abo onxibelelwano, kodwa hayi nam. Ndiyazi ukuba bayandithanda, mandiqale ndibabuze ukuba bangalunga na ngokubonisa ubudlelwane babo bexesha elide kunye nam kumakhasi onxibelelwano"

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukungafihli kubudlelwane: intsingiselo, indlela yokubonisa kunye neengcebiso ezifihlakeleyo

Ngaba Ubudlelwane obuKhuselekileyo bujongeka njani?

Ngoku ka Gottman Institute, "Sinemfuneko yokhuseleko efakwe ngokunzulu kwiingqondo kunye nemizimba yethu ... Abanye abantu bayacinywa yingcamango yokubeka phambili ukhuseleko kubudlelwane babo kuba balinganisa ubudlelwane "obukhuselekileyo" kunye "nobukruqulayo", kodwa kuyavela ukuba ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo sonke esibulangazelelayo buhlakulwa ngcono xa siziva sikhuselekile.

Ukuziva ukhuselekile kubudlelwane yinto efunekayo ukuze ube kubudlelwane. Olu khuseleko alukho malunga nokuba kunye ukubamba indawo ekhuselekileyo ngokuqhubekayo, kodwa ukuba nenjongo kunye namandla okuyakha naxa usentlungwini kwaye uqhawuke, kwaye ube nolwazi oluthuthuzelayo lokuba uya “kubuyela kwiqabane lakho” nokuba kwenzeka ntoni na.

Kwi Reddit intambo, umsebenzisi uthi kubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo ngokweemvakalelo, “1) Nobabini nabelana ngemilinganiselo efanayo engundoqo.Ukuba omnye wenu uxhasa i-LGBTQ+ kwaye omnye uyabathiya, awusoze ukwazi ukuba yinyani.Ukungabi nembono efanayo yezopolitiko, ezenkolo, ezoqoqosho, nezokuziphatha aziyi kusebenza kakuhle. ilungile loo nto.

Abanye abasebenzisi beReddit kulo msonto bachaze amava abo okuba nokhuseleko isimbo sokuncamathela ngezi ndlela zilandelayo:

• Ukuba nobomi ngaphandle kobudlelwane
• Ukuziva ngathi iimvakalelo zakho zifanelekile nokuba kunokwenzeka ukuba nixabane
• Ungothuki xa khange bathethe nawe ixeshana kuba bakuqinisekisile ukuba baxakekile benza into.
• Ukwazi ukuba kuyenzeka ukumosha ezinye izinto, nakubudlelwane obunempilo

Iimpawu ezi-5 zoBudlelwane obuKhuselekileyo

Abantu abanexhala kunye nezitayile zokuncamathisela banoloyiko lokuphulukana neqabane labo okanye baqinisekile ukuba baya kulahlwa, ngokulandelelanayo. Oku kudala ukukhathazeka okukhulu kunye nokungakhuseleki kubudlelwane babo. Ukuba uyavumelana nale nto, akunyanzelekanga ukuba uzive uxhalabile malunga nendlela yokuba nobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo. Kuba nokuba kunjani na isitayile sakho sokuncamathisela ngoku, unakho ukusebenzela ukuncamathela okunempilo kunye neqabane lakho kwaye ukhulise ibhondi ekhuselekileyo kobunye ubudlelwane bobomi bakho.

Ngoku makhe sithethe ngeempawu ezi-5 zobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo onokuthi ujolise kuzo:

1. "Ndinguye lo" - Ungatyhila kubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo

Une-dynamic ethembekileyo kunye nomnye ukuba iincoko zijika zibe ziingxabano ayisiyonto eqhelekileyo, kwaye uyakwazi ukwenza oku kulandelayo:

• Uyakwazi ukuthetha ngezinto ezinzima, ezimnyama, nezibhidayo
• Ukuba une-autistic, uyakwazi ukuyivula phambi kweqabane lakho. Uyakwazi ukuvuselela, unokuba ngumntu onguye, kwaye ungazibambeli kwimigangatho ye-neurotypical
• Nokuba yeyiphi i-neurotype, awuziva uwedwa kunye neemvakalelo zakho ezinzima-ukulawula kubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo.
• Unokuvuleleka malunga nesondo kunye nomzimba wakho, kwaye ungakhathazeki ngokubachukumisa
• Ukuba nina nobabini nikhe nabelana ngesondo esibi okanye esidanisayo, ninokuhleka omnye nomnye malunga nayo kamva
• Ungalwa ngezinto ezibalulekileyo kuwe kwaye wazi ukuba baya kukuva
• Akukho mthwalo kubudlelwane bakho obudlulileyo okanye usendleleni yokuphilisa kubo
• Anithandabuzi ngamava omnye komnye kwaye nithembe into ethethwa ngomnye

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukwamkela ukuba sesichengeni ngokweemvakalelo: Ukukhuthaza amadoda ukuba avakalise iimvakalelo zawo

2. "Ngulo mntu ndifuna ukuba nguye" - Uziva ukhululekile ukuhlola ubuntu bakho kwibhondi ekhuselekileyo

UNiyatii uthi, “Kukukuziva ukhuselekile ngokwasemzimbeni kunye neqabane lakho, nokuba kuxhomekeke kukhuseleko lobuqu okanye ukhuseleko ngokwesondo.

Amaqabane akwakhuthazana ngezi ndlela zilandelayo:

• Baxhasana amaphupha kunye nezinto abazithandayo
• Bangabalandeli kunye ne-cheerleader
• Bajongana kunye ngamanye amaxesha malunga nomgangatho wobudlelwane, imiba yemvume, ngqu zulwano, njl. ngenxa yokuba besazi ukuba ubuntu bomntu neenkolelo zinokuvela
• Basenokumangaliswa lutshintsho abalubonayo kwelinye, kodwa ekugqibeleni bayavela kunye
• Baye babona iqabane labo ngeenguqu ezininzi kunye nezigaba zobomi, kwaye balungele ngakumbi
• Iqabane A linganceda iqabane B ukuba libone ukungonwabi kwakhe kwaye likhokele ngobubele indlela athetha ngayo
• Kukho indawo kubudlelwane ukuze uziveze ngendlela oyiyo, kunye nendlela ofuna ukuba yiyo kwixesha elizayo

3. “Kulapho ndingavumelani nawe khona” – Iqabane lakho liyakuthanda ngezivumelwano nokungavisisani

Akuyomfuneko ukuba ube kwiphepha elifanayo nomntu omthandayo. Kufuneka nikwazi ukunika ingxelo omnye komnye ngaphandle koloyiko lokuphulukana nabo. Siginya amazwi ethu okungoneliseki, umahluko kwizimvo, umsindo, ukugxeka okwakhayo, iimfuno ezingundoqo kunye nemida esingafikelelwanga, kunye neenkxalabo zobudlelwane xa sicinga ukuba iqabane lethu liya kuziphatha ngolu hlobo lulandelayo:

• Baya kukushiya
• Baya kukuvalela, ngamanye amaxesha Ukukhwaza nokukhwaza
• Baza kuvala kwaye kuyadinisa ukuba unyibilikise ukhuseleko lwabo ngezibongozo, uxolo, kunye nesiqinisekiso.
• Baza kukwenza uzive kakubi malunga nokuba nesidingo okanye uluvo
• Baza kujongela phantsi uluvo lwakho okanye balulahle
• Baza kukuhleka

4. "Yile nto ndiyifunayo" - Uchaza iimfuno zakho zeemvakalelo ezingundoqo ngokuzithemba

Uyakwazi ukucela iimfuno zakho ngokweemvakalelo ngendlela ephilileyo. Awukhethi ukuba ngqongqo okanye uphoxise ukuze uviwe. Kubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo, uqinisekile ukuba iqabane lakho likukhathalele oko kubalulekile kuwe. Umzekelo: “Ndiyazi ukuba uziva ndisozela emva kokuba neentlobano zesini kodwa ndiziva ndilahliwe xa ngequbuliso ndishiywe ndedwa emva kobo bunzima buqatha nobusengozini.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Yintoni omawuyenze xa uziva unqanyuliwe kwiqabane lakho?

5. "Le yinto endiya kukwenzela yona ngovuyo" - Nobabini nikholelwa ekubuyiseleni imizamo

Ngokutsho kukaNiyatii, kwikhonkco elilinganayo nelinempilo, omabini amaqabane axhomekeke omnye komnye ukuze aqalise kwaye anakekele izinto ezifana:

• Ukwenza izicwangciso ezinkulu kunye ezincinci - ukudibana nosapho okanye ukuphuma ngomhla, njl.
• Ukwenza izigqibo zemali
• Ukuqala ngesondo
• Ukutsala ubunzima babo ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane

Ukwachaza imida yakho, imida, kunye nabaphuli-mthetho, kwaye ulindele ukuba esinye isiqingatha sakho senze okufanayo. Ndiyayithanda lento:

• “Ndikulungele ukuthetha nawe kwaye ndimamele, kodwa andizukukwazi ukuncokola ngobudlelwane bam bangaphambili”
• "Ndidinga indawo ngoku ndizokubhalela ngomso kusasa”
• Kukho isizathu sokuba ndibashiye ngaphambili”
• "Andikhululekanga ngeefowuni zevidiyo kungekudala kubudlelwane, masilinde side sibe sobabini sikwinqanaba elinye lokuthuthuzelana?"
• Andikwazi ukudibana nawe kwiindawo ezingxolayo njengoko indiphazamisa. Masidibane kwindawo ezolileyo?

Indlela Yokusebenzela Ukuba Nobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo

U-Niyatii uthetha ngendlela yokwenza ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo kunye neqabane lakho, "Ukukwazi ukuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho, iimfuno, kunye neminqweno kwindawo engafanelekanga kwenza umntu azive ekhuselekile." Wongeza ukuba ukuthembana kuyintsika yobudlelwane bothando kwaye yakhelwe ixesha elide ngokunyaniseka, ukuthembeka, kunye nokungaguquguquki.

“Kwakhona, ukuhlonela imida, iinkolelo neembono zomnye komnye kubalulekile ukuze wenze iqabane lakho lizive likhuselekile. Nalu uluhlu lweentshukumo esizicebisayo ukukhuthaza isimbo sokuncamathela esikhuselekileyo:

1. Qinisekisa amava eqabane lakho, ingakumbi lawo ungenako ukunxulumana nawo

Oku kuquka amava ocalucalulo kunye nokuthatha icala. Akukho nto indenze ndaziva ndikhuselekile kunokuthandana nabantu abaye baqinisekisa amava am esitrato Ukuhlukunyezwa ngesondo kunye nokuphathwa gadalala ngokwesondo, abathe bandibona njengomntu ongaqhelekanga kunye nesini esibini endinguye. Ukubonwa kufana nokuziva ukhuselekile. Kuyaphilisa ukubona amava akho eqinisekisiwe kwaye kwenza ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo.

Ngokufanayo, ukuba ungumfana oye wafundiswa ngokungapheliyo ukuba 'indoda phezulu', akukho nto iya kukwenza uzive ukhuselekile kunaxa uvula phambi kweqabane lakho. Malunga noloyiko lwakho, iminqweno yakho ecinezelweyo, ulangazelelo lokusondelelana kunye nothando, kunye nobudlelwane obudlulileyo obuyityhefu okanye obukuxhaphazayo. UNiyatii uthi, "Ukuba sengozini kunye nokunyaniseka malunga neengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho, nokuba zinokuba nzima ukuzivakalisa, kunye nokudala uxhulumaniso olunzulu lweemvakalelo kunye neqabane lakho - zonke ezi ziyimpawu zobudlelwane obukhuselekileyo."

2. UYA kulwa - yamkela loo nto, kwaye ufunde indlela yokulwa

Ukulwa ngokufanelekileyo kwaye kamnandi ngelixa ndiziva ndikhuselekile kubudlelwane - ndinqwenela ukuba bendifundiswe oku esikolweni. Andithethi ngeeyantlukwano apho amalungelo oluntu achaphazelekayo. Ukuba kufuneka ulwe malunga namalungelo abantu abatshintshe isini okanye intshukumo ye-pro-choice, umzekelo, ngoko ke aninako ukufanelana.

Kodwa xa nisilwa ngezinto ezikwenza ukuba ucinge/ukhale uthi, “UGH! Ngexesha lengxabano, nantsi izinto omele uzigcine engqondweni:

• Musa ukuthatha yonke into ngokwakho
• Phefumla kuyo yonke into kwaye ugcine amanzi eluncedo (ungawaphosi iqabane lakho)
• Qhubeka uchukumisa ukuba ufuna njalo, kuya kunceda ukulawula inkqubo yakho ye-nervous
• Ukuba ufuna ukulungisa indlela yokuziphatha, cela uxolo kodwa uzibonakalise ubabalo
• Ukuba ufuna ukubanika ingxelo, yiba nobulali
• Hlala uzimisele ukufunda ngeqabane lakho, ungacingi ukuba ubazi ngokupheleleyo kuba nikunye iminyaka elishumi.
• Sukuthetha ngamava eqabane lakho
• Musa ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza okanye uvale xa bezama ukuthetha nawe
• Thatha ixesha kunye nexesha lokuziqokelela, kodwa ubazise nabo. Musa nje “ukukhupha uxolo” kwingxabano
• Khumbulani ukuba niyathandana nokuba aniboni ngasonye
• Zikhumbuze ukuba eli ayilodabi elithi 'ngubani okunene,' kodwa yeyokuba ungafikelela njani kulwalamano olusondeleyo ngokuphelisa lo mahluko.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindlela ezi-8 zokuphinda uqhagamshele emva komlo omkhulu

3. Yigcine kude loo fowuni uze uziqhelanise nokuphulaphula

Iqabane lakho lifuna ukuba ube yindawo ekhuselekileyo yokuxoxa ngayo nantoni na phantsi kwelanga. Oku kufuna ukuba ubaqinisekise ukuba ukho kunye nabo nge-100%.

Ngokutsho kukaNiyatii, "Ukuphulaphula ngokunyanisekileyo kuthetha ukunika iqabane lakho ingqalelo epheleleyo kunye nokufuna ukuqonda imbono yabo. Xa uphulaphula ngenkuthalo, unokuqinisekisa iimvakalelo kunye neemfuno zeqabane lakho, ezinokubanceda bazive bekhuselekile ngakumbi kubudlelwane. Ungaqala ngokwenza umkhwa wokubuza imibuzo evulekileyo, ushwankathele imbono yeqabane lakho, kwaye ugweme ukuphazamisa."

4. Yiba lilitye okanye udonga okanye umhlaba oqinileyo okanye umqamelo

Okanye nantoni na oyithandayo, ngokwenene. Ilitye kwizivunguvungu zabo, udonga abazame ngalo, umhlaba oqinileyo wokuba bahlale kuwo, umqamelo wokuthomalalisa ukubetha. Akukho nto ithumela imiqondiso epholileyo engqondweni yomntu xa esazi ukuba unomntu ekhaya okanye ehlabathini oza kumxhasa. Abantu kwi ubudlelwane obuzinzileyo kunye nosapho oluxhasayo ngokuqhelekileyo benza ngcono malunga nomsebenzi kunye nempilo. Konke malunga nokuba nengubo yokhuseleko.

• Bonisa ukungaguquguquki kwindlela yokuziphatha, kwizenzo, kunye nobukho bakho
• Nokuba ukwi-monogamous okanye i-polyamorous setup, yiba ngumntu osoloko enyanisekile kwiqabane lakho.
• Qinisekisa iqabane lakho ngexabiso labo emhlabeni nakubomi bakho
• Yiba ngumntu abanokuthi babize indawo ekhuselekileyo ngamaxesha angcono kunye namabi kakhulu

Research uyavuma. "Inkxaso encomekayo yentlalontle yomgangatho ophezulu inokomeleza ukomelela kuxinzelelo, incede ukukhusela ekuphuhliseni i-psychopathology enxulumene nokwenzakala, inciphise iziphumo ezisebenzayo zokuphazamiseka okubangelwa ngumonzakalo, njengokuphazamiseka koxinzelelo lwasemva koxinzelelo (PTSD), kunye nokunciphisa ukugula kunye nokufa."

5. Ungaphoswa ngamabhidi abo obudlelwane obusondeleyo

Ngoku ka uphando, "Iibhidi zichazwa njengazo naziphi na iinzame ezenziwa liqabane, ngokuthetha okanye ngokungenzi, ukunxibelelana nelinye iqabane." Into eyenza ulwalamano olonwabisayo nolukhuselekileyo “kukukwazi kwesibini ukunikela ingqalelo nokusabela ngokufanelekileyo kwezi mfuno zingxamisekileyo zonxibelelwano.”

Nantsi imizekelo emithathu. Indlela ophendula ngayo kwezi bhidi iya kuba negalelo ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane bakho:

• Iqabane lakho lichaze into encinci oyiphumezileyo owaziyo ukuba ithetha lukhulu kubo: “Ndikwazile ukumisela umda nogxa wam namhlanje.” Ngaba uphendule ngovuyo nangekratshi? Ngaba uyichithile? Okanye wenze okanye wathi, “Kuhle oko,” waza wadlulela komnye umbandela?
• Iqabane lakho likhankanye iseshoni yabo kunye nengcali yosapho lwabo, kunye nendlela abaziva bekhululekile ngayo emva kwayo. Ubusazi ukuba bajongene nexesha elinzima. Ngaba uye wababuza ngakumbi malunga neseshoni yabo ngomdla kunye nenkathalo?
• Iqabane lakho liya kuwe emva kokwabelana ngesondo okanye emva kokusonjululwa kwengxabano, kwaye ngobunono babeke isandla sabo ebusweni bakho. Ngaba uhamba ngenye indlela okanye uyabuyisela?

6. Baxelele ukuba unethamsanqa kwaye unombulelo ngokuba nabo ebomini bakho

Musa ukuthabatha ububele beqabane lakho, ukubonakalisa uthando, imibingelelo, iimpawu ezintle, ubukho, kunye nomsebenzi wemihla ngemihla wekhaya okanye ulawulo lomsebenzi. Ingcaphephe yethu ithi, “Umbulelo unamandla.Ziqhelise ukuvakalisa umbulelo kwiqabane lakho ngeelwimi zakho zothando.Zama ukucacisa malunga nento oyibulelayo, efana no ukuhlekisa okanye inkxaso yabo ngamaxesha ovavanyo.”

Umculi-umbhali weengoma uChristina Aguilera wayenotata owayexhaphaza ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Uthe uziva engakhuselekanga kubo bonke ubuntwana bakhe kwaye "bonke ubomi bakhe bebumalunga nokulwa okanye ukubhabha". Uvakalise umbulelo kumyeni wakhe ngelo xesha, esithi ubudlelwane bakhe obukhuselekileyo ngokweemvakalelo kunye noJordan Bratman bamnceda ekugqibeleni waqhawula umjikelo woxhatshazo awayebambeke kulo ukusukela ebuntwaneni.

7. Akukho nto ibetha ixesha elisemgangathweni njengendlela yokudala ubudlelwane obukhuselekileyo

Ukuba ubonana ngokungaqhelekanga okanye uhlala kwizixeko ezahlukahlukeneyo, ngoko ke iifowuni eziqhelekileyo okanye iitekisi okanye iiklip zezwi, kunye nokuthumela iifoto zobomi bakho okanye ngokwakho kuya kunceda nobabini ukuba nizive nikhuselekile kubudlelwane.

UNiyatii uthetha ngendlela yokuba nolwalamano olukhuselekileyo kwabo bahlanganisana rhoqo, “Ziqheliseni ukubekela bucala ixesha veki nganye lokwenza okuthile okumnandi okanye okunentsingiselo kunye, enoba kukubethwa ngumoya, ukupheka, ukupeyinta, ukwenza imisebenzi yezandla, ukufunda iincwadi, okanye ukubukela imovie.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izinto ezingama-40 ezintle omawuzenze nentombi yakho ekhaya

8. Ziyeke iiyantlukwano ezincinci ngaphandle kokubamba inzondo

Umntu okhuselekileyo unamandla okuqonda ukuba bona kunye neqabane labo baya kuhlala behluke kwimikhwa ethile, iimpawu kunye nezimvo. Obu buchule bunokuba ngummangaliso kubudlelwane bakho bothando. Zama ukuqonda ukuba ingaba le nto uyingqinayo kwiqabane lakho yile: i) umahluko omncinane, ii) yimpazamo, iii) yindlela yokuziphatha eyingozi.

Ukuba yeyokuqala, yiyeke ngokukhawuleza kangangoko unako. Ukuba zimbini zokugqibela, iincoko ezithambileyo nezingqongqo kunye nokumisela umda kuya kufuneka emva koko ukuba ufikelele kwisisombululo songquzulwano, kufuneka … uyeke. Kwelinye icala, uNiyatii ulumkisa ngelithi, “Abantu banokuluthabatha lula uxolelo lwamaqabane abo, bengazivumi iimpazamo zabo baze basebenzele ukuxolelana.

9. Bamba izandla, yiba netshizi

Ukususela kumava am obudlelwane bangoku kunye nobudlelwane obudlulileyo, akukho nto inyusa ukusondelana kunoko bebambene ngezandla kunye neqabane queer xa sihamba phantsi indlela ezele malunga malungats. Esi senzo sincinci sinokuba yitshizi kunye nesibindi esihlekisayo, kwaye sisinceda ukuba sizive sikhuselekile kwihlabathi elingelinye eloyikeka.

UNiyatii uthi: “Ukubambana ngezandla sisenzo esilula esinokunceda izibini zizive zisondelelene yaye zikhuselekile kulwalamano lwazo.Zamani ukubambana ngezandla xa nihamba kunye, nibukele umabonwakude, okanye nihleli nje ecaleni komnye.”

10. Baxelele ukuba uyabathanda – Kufuneka usebenzise loo magama mathathu

“Kodwa bayazi ukuba ndiyabathanda, akuyomfuneko ukuba nditsho,” batsho abantu abaninzi besizukulwana sabazali bethu ngamaqabane abo. Ngoku siyazi ukuba loo yayingamaxesha acinezelekileyo, kwaye yayingeyonto yokuyinqwenela. Ingcaphephe yethu ithi, “Yeyona ndlela inamandla yokwandisa ukusondelana kubudlelwane. Ziqhelise ukuthi “ndiyakuthanda” yonke imihla, nokuba kuphambi kwamehlo akho, ngefowuni okanye ngefowuni. imiyalezo emnandi. "

11. Yenza inkqubo yobudlelwane obusondeleyo ukuze uzive ukhuselekile kunye neqabane lakho

Uthi, “Dwelisani izinto eniza kuzenza yonke imihla, njengokugonana imizuzu emithathu, nincamisane, nibuze “Belunjani usuku lwakho? Bajonge emehlweni xa bethetha.” Kwaye ke 'mamela' kwaye uphendule kwimpendulo yabo, Zigxininise kwizenzo ezincinci kodwa ezinentsingiselo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokuthandana kwakhona-Ngeli xesha kwizinto ezincinci zoBomi

12. Gxininisa ngabom kwizinto ezilungileyo zomnye nomnye

UNiyatii uthi, “Dumisanani kangangoko ninako, emntwini nasesidlangalaleni.” Gcina idayari yabucala okanye inqaku ledijithali kwaye uqhubeke usongeza kolu luhlu lukhula rhoqo lweempawu ezintle zomntu okhuselekileyo omthandayo.

Ngaloo nto isifundo, “Abantu babevuya ngakumbi kulwalamano lwabo xa babelungiselela amaqabane abo kunye namaqabane abo bebalungele.” Xa zidibene, ezi ziphumo zibonisa ukuba umlinganiselo othile wokucinga okanye inkohliso usenokuba luphawu olubalulekileyo lokwanelisa amadinga kunye nolwalamano lomtshato.

13. Thenga okanye wenze izipho ukuze uzive ukhuselekile kubudlelwane bakho

Asithethi ngayo thanda ibhombu omnye umntu okanye ukubathengela izipho ezibizayo. Nazi ezinye izinto onokunika iqabane lakho ukulenza lizive likhuselekile ngothando lwakho:

• Into enentsingiselo egcina inkumbulo kuni nobabini
• Ikhadi elenziwe ngesandla
• Isidlo / into yokutya, ephekiweyo okanye e-odolwe
• Umbongo owubhalele bona okanye ingoma obabhalele yona kwifowuni yakho
• Iziqhamo kunye nemifuno - ngokusisiseko, zifumanele izinto ezisebenzayo ozaziyo ukuba ziyazidinga
• Umzobo / umzobo / umzobo wabo, kuni nobabini kunye, wento abayithandayo, umlinganiswa oyintsomi abadibana naye, wabazali babo, isilwanyana sabo sasekhaya, njl.
• Intyatyambo enye
• Amava akhethekileyo owakha ngawo kwaye wenzela bona

14. Yiba nengqiqo kwaye uthethe ngemali

"Indlela yendalo yonke ukubonisa uthando lwakho kumlingani wakho kukuqinisekisa ikamva labo ngokwasemalini,” utsho uFaisa Stafford, uMongameli kunye neCEO yeLife Happens.” Enyanisweni, i-59% yabantu ibiya kuziva ikhuseleke ngakumbi kulwalamano lwabo ukuba bebexubusha ngokufumana i-inshorensi yobomi.”

A poll bafumanisa ukuba i-39% yabaphenduli bakholelwa ukuba ukonga imali yindlela ephezulu yokubonisa uthando lwabo kwiqabane labo kwaye i-67% iyavuma ukuba akukho nto i-sexier kunokugcina imali. Ngaphezu kwama-35% bathi ukuthenga ipolisi ye-inshorensi yobomi okanye ukwenza izicwangciso zokuphela kobomi yindlela yokubonisa uthando.

UNiyatii wongezelela ngelithi, “Iingxwabangxwaba zemali zinokukhokelela ekubeni umntu azive engafaneleki okanye ehlazekile, ngakumbi emadodeni njengoko elindeleke ngokungekho sikweni ukuba ondle intsapho iphela.” Oku kusenokubangela ukungalingani kwamandla kulwalamano, okukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zonxunguphalo nokungabi nakuzinceda.

Izinto ezinjalo zokwakha nemiqondiso yolwalamano olunqabisekileyo ziluncedo ekusenzeni sizive sisekhaya emizimbeni nasengqondweni yethu, yaye ekwenzeni umntwana wethu wangaphakathi azive ekhuselekile ekusenokwenzeka ukuba akazange abe namava anjalo kwabo babemnyamekela.

Ulwimi lomzimba lwezibini ezitshatileyo ezingonwabanga - 13 Ibonisa Umtshato Wakho Awusebenzi

Iindlela ezi-5 zokoyisa uxinzelelo lwezemali kubudlelwane

Indlela Yokulala Kwiibhedi Ezahlukeneyo Kwabenza Isibini Sonwabile

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.