"Ngaba ingcebiso ngobudlelwane yinto entsha okanye ingandinceda ngokwenene?" umhlobo wam undibuze mva nje. Xa watshatayo kwiminyaka eli-10 eyadlulayo, yena nomyeni wakhe baxubusha ukuba banokukhetha ukungabi nabantwana. Kodwa ngequbuliso umyeni wakhe watshintsha ingqondo. Wayefuna ukukhuliswa ngabanye ngoxa yena wayevakalelwa kukuba akakakulungeli ukwamkelwa. Ngenxa yoko, baqalisa ukuqhawuka emtshatweni. Wayesoyikela ukuba umtshato unokuphela ekugqibeleni ngaphandle kokuba bobabini benze iinzame zokuwusindisa.
Kulapho ndamxelela ngesazi ngengqondo saseMelika esidumileyo uJohn Gottman. Uphande iminyaka engama-40 kwizibini ezingama-3,000 kwaye usindise amakhulu emitshato. UGottman ukholelwa ukuba izibini zihlala zishiywe lixesha ekukhetheni iingcebiso zobudlelwane. Benza oko kuphela xa imbi kakhulu iye yabetha ubudlelwane, kodwa ukuba baye bakhetha kancinane ngoko ke mhlawumbi imitshato ngakumbi kunokuba basindiswe.
Ndixelele umhlobo wam ukucebisa ngobudlelwane ayisiyontsomi. Ayincedi nje izibini ezitshatileyo kuphela, kodwa ingcebiso yentsapho ikwanceda abazali ukuba babaqonde ngakumbi abantwana babo. Enyanisweni, ukululekwa ngaphambi komtshato kunceda abantu ukuba bajonge ilungiselelo elintsonkothileyo lomtshato.
“Kufuneka uye kucetyiswa ngobudlelwane phambi kokuba ushiywe lixesha,” ndaxelela umhlobo wam.
Yintoni iNgcebiso ngoBudlelwane?
Isiqulatho
Ukuyibeka ngokulula, ingcebiso ngobudlelwane ikunceda uqonde into oyenzayo engalunganga kubudlelwane. Yona ikunceda uqhagamshele kwakhona kwaye ulungise imiba yobudlelwane.
Ukuba uneengxaki zempilo uya kugqirha, ukuba unemiba yengqondo uthatha uncedo lwengqondo yengqondo. Kodwa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho bujike bungekho mpilweni kwaye kukho imiba egula iminyaka, uhlala usokola ngaphandle kokucela naluphi na uncedo.
Ngoba? Kuba ixesha elininzi awukhuphi ukuba kukho ingxaki kwasekuqaleni. Umqeqeshi wezoBomi, uJoie Bose uthi, “Xa abantu besiza kum bezokufumana iingcebiso zobudlelwane babhideka kakhulu malunga neemvakalelo zabo.Njengomcebisi, umsebenzi wam kukubanceda baqonde apho baphambuka khona kwaye bangayilungisa njani.
"Ukuzisa iimbono zomntu wesithathu, oqeqeshelwe ukuqonda amandla obudlelwane, akagwebi ngesibini kwaye ngubani onokukunceda uthethe ngeemeko ngcono, unokusebenza imimangaliso kubudlelwane bakho."
I-American Association of Marriage And Family Therapy (AAMFT) ithi kwiwebhusayithi yayo umtshato kunye nonyango losapho lusebenza kwaye kwezinye iimeko lusebenza ngakumbi kunomgangatho kunye/okanye unyango lomntu ngamnye kwiingxaki ezininzi zempilo yengqondo ezifana ne-schizophrenia yabantu abadala, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo (imo) ukuphazamiseka, ukusela abantu abadala kunye nokusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi, ukuphazamiseka kokuziphatha kwabantwana kunye noxinzelelo lomtshato kunye neengxabano.
Ngaba ingcebiso ingalunceda ubudlelwane obuqhawukileyo? I-AAMFT iphinda iphinda-phinda i-98% yabaxumi bomtshato kunye neengcali zonyango ezichaza iinkonzo zonyango njengezilungileyo okanye ezigqwesileyo. Oku kuthetha ngokucacileyo ukuba bafumana iziphumo ezilungileyo kwiingcebiso zobudlelwane. Kwiingxelo ezifunyenwe yi-AAMFT, i-90% yabathengi babika ukuphucuka kwimpilo yabo yeemvakalelo, kwaye phantse isibini kwisithathu sichaza ukuphucuka kwimpilo yabo yonke yomzimba.
Uninzi lwabathengi baxela ukuphucuka ekusebenzeni kwabo emsebenzini, kwaye ngaphezulu kwesithathu-kwesine kwabo bafumana umtshato / izibini okanye unyango losapho babika ukuphucuka kobudlelwane besibini. I iinzuzo zokucebisa ngobudlelwane kubandakanya ukukhomba imiba, ukunciphisa ungquzulwano, ukuphucula unxibelelwano kunye nokuzithemba. Ikunceda ukuba ulawule iimvakalelo zakho ngcono kwaye uhlaziye iquotient yolonwabo kubudlelwane.
Ungakhetha unyango lwexeshana elifutshane okanye olo lwexesha elide kodwa iingcebiso zobudlelwane ziyakunceda lungisa imiba oko kuphazamisa ubudlelwane bakho.
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Xa ufuna ukuFumana iNgcebiso kuBudlelwane?
Ngoku uyaqonda ukuba yintoni ingcebiso yobudlelwane, lixesha lokujongana nomnye umbuzo obalulekileyo: nini ukufuna ingcebiso ngobudlelwane. Kulo naliphi na ixesha elide, ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo, imiba kunye namabala arhabaxa adla ngokuvela amaxesha ngamaxesha. Ngelixa unako ukusebenza ngendlela yakho ngokusebenzisa ukungavisisani okuncinci kunye nokungafani, imiba ethile inokuba yinto engapheliyo ekuhambeni kwexesha kwaye ushukumise isikhephe sakho sobudlelwane.
Kulapho ungenelelo lwengcaphephe lunokuba luncedo kakhulu ekupheliseni isaqhwithi kunye nokufumana ingcaciso malunga nento oyifunayo kuwe kunye nobudlelwane bakho. Ke yeyiphi le miba ebangela ukuba ufune iingcebiso? Makhe sijonge:
- Ukungakhathali: Ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho niye ningakhathali kwiimfuno zomnye, ukulindela, ulonwabo kunye nosizi, oko kubonisa ukuba kukho into engalunganga kwi-equation yakho. Ukungakhathali kukwenza ukuba urhoxe kwaye uyeke ukulwa nobudlelwane bakho. Yiyo loo nto kukufikelela emazantsi ento ebangela oku kungabikho kwenkathalo novelwano kubudlelwane. Kwaye ungayenza loo nto ngokufuna iingcebiso zobudlelwane kwi-intanethi okanye kumntu
- Ukulwa rhoqo: Ukulwa rhoqo kunye nokuxambulisana kukubonakalisa unxibelelwano olubi okanye olwaphukileyo kubudlelwane, olunokuthi lwenza buthathaka ubudlelwane benu kwaye luthintele ukukhula kwenu njengesibini. Ngemibuzo efanelekileyo yengcebiso yobudlelwane kunye nengcali yokukunceda ukuba ujikeleze iimvakalelo zakho, ungafumana indlela yokwaphula le pateni.
- Iimfihlo kunye nobuxoki: Thembela kubudlelwane ithathwa njengento engenakuxoxisana. Oko kuthenjwa kwakhelwe phezu kokunyaniseka nokungafihlisi. Ukuba elinye iqabane okanye omabini amaqabane kubudlelwane abalekela kubuxoki kunye neemfihlo, oko akuchaphazeli nje ukuthemba kakubi kodwa kubonisa ukuba isiseko sokuthembela sibuthathaka ukuqala. Oku kwalatha kwingxaki enkulu kutshintsho lwesibini olwalufuna ungenelelo lwengcali
- Ukunqongophala kobudlelwane obusondeleyo: Ubudlelwane bezesondo kulo naluphi na ubudlelwane bexesha elide buqala kancinci kancinci emva kwexesha elithile, kwaye oko kulindelwe kwaye kuqhelekile. Nangona kunjalo, ezinye iindlela zobudlelwane zikhula ngakumbi ngokuhamba kwexesha xa isibini sihambelana kunye. Le ngqiqo ijikelezileyo yokusondelana yenza ukuba iimeko ezimbalwa zothethathethwano ngesondo zizalisekise. Ukuba uyasokola ukunxulumana neqabane lakho konke konke, kusenokuba lixesha lokujonga iingcebiso zobudlelwane
- Ukuqhatha: Ukukopa kunokuba ngumqobo omkhulu kulo naluphi na ulwalamano. Ngelixa iqabane eliye laqhathwa ekulweni neemvakalelo ezinzima ezifana nokungcatshwa, intlungu kunye nokulahlekelwa yintembelo, umqhathi naye akafane enze ngaphandle kwesizathu. Ukucebisa ngobudlelwane kunokukunceda uchonge iintanda ezisisiseko ezenze indawo ye-third-wheeling kwintsebenziswano yakho kunye nokusindisa ubudlelwane bakho ukuba yiloo nto oyifunayo.
Iintlobo zeengcebiso zobudlelwane
Ngaba ingcebiso ngomtshato iyasebenza? Ngaba ingcebiso ngobudlelwane inokunceda izibini zoyise imiba yazo? Akukho mpendulo ingqalileyo ethi 'ewe' okanye 'hayi' kule mibuzo. Kuxhomekeke kubunzima bemiba ojongene nayo, ubuchule bomcebisi osebenza naye kunye nendlela yokufumana iingcebiso.
Ngokuxhomekeke kwimiba yakho kunye nembali yobuqu, umcebisi unokusebenzisa enye okanye ngaphezulu kwezi ntlobo zilandelayo zokucebisa ngobudlelwane:
- Indlela yeGottman: Le ndlela isetyenziselwa ukujongana nezenzo ezitshabalalisayo zokugxeka, ukudelela, ukuzikhusela kunye nokubethelwa ngamatye - okanye abakhweli bamahashe abane, njengoko besaziwa ngale ndlela - ngokuphonononga iimbali zomntu, iiyantlukwano, izinto ezibangela, iinqobo ekwabelwana ngazo, kwaye ekugqibeleni, ukufumana izixhobo zokusombulula iingxabano ezinempilo kunye nolawulo.
- Unyango lwengqondo yokuziphatha (CBT): Oku kuphakathi kwezona zidumileyo kwiindidi ezahlukeneyo zokucebisa. Ugxininiso apha kukuqonda kunye nokucela umngeni kwinkolelo yamaqabane omabini ukuba aqonde indlela abacinga ngayo kwaye baxhobise ngonxibelelwano olungcono kunye nezakhono zokusombulula iingxabano.
- Iingcebiso zokuqonda: Le ndlela yokucebisa ngobudlelwane isetyenziswa xa elinye iqabane lifuna ukugcina ubudlelwane kwaye elinye lifuna ukuphuma. Ijolise kwi-ambivalence enokuthi ithintele elinye iqabane ukuba lizibandakanye ngokupheleleyo kwinkqubo yonyango kwaye libavumela ukuba babone kwaye balinganise iinketho zabo ngaphambi kokutsibela kwisigqibo sokuqhawula umtshato.
- Unyango olugxile kwimvakalelo: Kule ndlela yokucebisa ubudlelwane, kugxilwe kukuchonga, ukuphonononga kunye nokubeka ngokwembono iimvakalelo zamaqabane omabini ngokujongana neziganeko eziyingxaki kubudlelwane, kwaye zibenze babone ukuba iimpendulo zabo ngokweemvakalelo zinokuba negalelo njani kwimiba yabo.
- Unyango lobudlelwane be-Imago: Indlela ye-Imago yokuhlola izimbo zokuncamathela Ukujonga amava omabini obuntwana, ukubanceda bachonge ukuba iimfuno ezingafezekiyo zobuntwana zinokukhokelela kwiingcinga ezingalunganga, iimvakalelo kunye nokuziphatha.
- Unyango olubalisayo: Olu hlobo lwengcebiso yobudlelwane luphonononga imixholo yokuzibhubhisa kwinxaki yesibini. Ivela kwifilosofi yokuba amabali owabalisa ngawe abumba indlela oziphethe ngayo, izigqibo, kwaye ngokulandelayo, ikamva lobudlelwane bakho. Injongo apha kukulungisa amabali azibethayo kubudlelwane
- Unyango olugxile kwisisombululo: Njengoko igama libonisa, ugxininiso lwale ndlela yokucebisa ubudlelwane kukufumana isisombululo sokusebenza kwingxaki ekhoyo. Isebenza kakhulu xa kukho umba ocacileyo okhoyo, njengokungathembeki okanye ukungabikho kobudlelwane obusondeleyo, ngokuchasene noluhlu olubanzi lweengxabano kunye nemiba ekudala ikho.
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Izinto ezili-10 okufuneka uzazile malunga neNgcebiso kuBudlelwane
Phambi kokuba ukhethe ukucebisa ngobudlelwane unokuba nemibuzo emininzi engqondweni yakho kwaye unokuba namathandabuzo ukuba kuya kusebenza kuwe. Ngaba ingcebiso yomtshato iyasebenza? Ngaba ubudlelwane bam baya kuxhamla kunyango? Ukuba akunjalo, ngaba loo nto ithetha ukuba unyango aluphumelelanga?
Yonke isenokubonakala ibhideka kwaye isoyikisa ekuqaleni. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uchonga naso nasiphi na isizathu esisigubungeleyo xa sifuna ingcebiso yobudlelwane, kungcono ukuba uyenze ngokukhawuleza kunokuba kamva. Khumbula ukuba unenketho yokubuza ugqirha wakho imibuzo emininzi yokucebisa ubudlelwane njengoko uthanda ukuqhelana kwaye ukhululeke kwinkqubo.
Nangona kunjalo, ukunceda ukushukuma kweso sithintelo sokuqala, kweli nqaku, siye sandlalela ngokweenkcukacha ukuba yintoni na ingcebiso ngobudlelwane. Yintoni ekufuneka uyazi kwaye inokukunceda njani ukuba ulungelelanise ama-creases kubudlelwane bakho.
1. Ngaba ingcebiso ingalunceda ubudlelwane obuqhawukileyo?
Ngaba ingcebiso ngomtshato iyasebenza? Impendulo yalo mbuzo ikwaxhomekeke kwizinto ozilindeleyo kwinkqubo. Abantu abaninzi baya kubacebisi bobudlelwane benesimo sengqondo sokuba iya kulungisa izinto ezinje ngokuba ulungisa ii-noodle zemizuzu emi-2 kwisidlo sangokuhlwa. Bacinga ukuba umntu ohleli nomcebisi uya kubanika ipilisi yomlingo eya kuvuselela ubudlelwane. Ukuba yiloo nto uhamba uyilindele, uya kubuya udanile.
UKenneth Heffley, owaya kucetyiswa nenkosikazi yakhe uMegan (amagama atshintshiwe) wathi, “Xa sasisiya kumcebisi ndafumanisa ukuba imiba yethu inzulu kakhulu kunokuba sasicinga. ebuntwaneni obunetyhefu yaye uMegan wayenabazali abaluthanda unqulo ababemlawula yonke into ayenzayo.”
Ukucebisa ngobudlelwane kufuna ukuba amaqela omabini azibandakanye ngokulinganayo kuyo yonke le nkqubo ukuze avune inzuzo. Ngamanye amaxesha emva kokuba abacebisi bonyango baye kunyango lomntu ngamnye. Kodwa oko kuphela emva kokuba beyazi imiba yenu njengesibini. Ukucetyiswa kunokunceda ubudlelwane obuqhawukileyo kodwa kufuneka uchithe ixesha kwiiseshini eziqhelekileyo. Musa ukulindela ukuba isebenze njengentonga yomlingo.
2. Nyaniseka xa ubuzwa imibuzo yokucebisa ngobudlelwane
Ingcebiso ngobudlelwane iqala ngemibuzo emininzi. Umcebisi uya kukubuza malunga nemiba ephambili ekukhokelele kwiofisi yabo. Kodwa ukusombulula iingxaki zakho kufuneka uzinike ulwazi oluninzi. Ukuba ufuna ukubona iziphumo ezibambekayo, kunyanzelekile ukuba uphendule yonke imibuzo yengcebiso ngobudlelwane ngokunyaniseka nangokuphandle.
Baxelele ukuba udibene njani, ubudlelwane bakho bebunjani ekuqaleni, xa buye baguquka, kwaye lithini ikamva lakho iinjongo zezibini. Bangafuna ukwazi ngembali yakho, malunga nobuntwana bakho, ubutsha bakho kunye nobomi bakho phambi kokuba nihlangane.
Bangafuna ukugxila kumandla obudlelwane bakho kwaye bazi malunga nobuthathaka. Umcebisi unokukunika imibuzo ethile ukuze uyiphendule ukuvavanya imiba esisiseko onokuthi wena kunye neqabane lakho ningazi. Ukuba awunyanisekanga kwaye uzayo kulwazi olunikileyo, unokuba uthintela yonke iseshoni.
3. Isigaba sokuqala sokucetyiswa sinokuyandisa imiba
Kwi counselling yomtshato yintoni ongayithethi? “Oku akusebenzi. Ndiphumile” ngokuqinisekileyo yinto ekufuneka uyiphephe. Ukucebisa ngobudlelwane kunokuzisa imiba ethile oye wayityhalela phantsi kwekhaphethi kwaye enokwenza izinto zingabi mnandi ekuqaleni.
Ungade ushiywe ucinga ukuba ukuba uthathe isigqibo esifanelekileyo sokukhetha ukucebisa ngobudlelwane. Ninokubuyiselwa kwezo nkumbulo zingathandekiyo nentiyo enanayo omnye komnye. Xa izibini zikhetha iingcebiso zomtshato, ubudlelwane sele bukwinqanaba eliguquguqukayo kakhulu kwaye linoxinzelelo.
Xa ezinye izinto ezingathandekiyo zikhutshwa kubudlelwane kwaye zibekwe etafileni, zinokuyandisa imiba ngakumbi. Abacebisi ngobudlelwane abanobuchule obuphezulu bazisa izinto ezintle kwimeko efana nale ngokujongana nobudlelwane hayi isibini ukuze ukugxeka kunye nomsindo kuncitshiswe. Thembela inkqubo kwaye ube nokholo kumnyangi wakho.
4. Ukukhetha umcebisi wobudlelwane obufanelekileyo
Umcebisi ngobudlelwane, UGqr. Aman Bhonsle Uthi, "Unyango luhlala lubonwa njengebhandeji apho iintliziyo zinokuphilisa kunye nengqondo inokuhlangana. Nangona kunjalo, kukho amaxesha angaqhelekanga apho unyango luba khona-iMfazwe Yehlabathi I style yomsele wemfazwe apho kudutshulwa ngabantu ababandakanyekayo kwimida efihliweyo yendawo yeemvakalelo."
Kwimeko enjalo, ukukhetha umcebisi ofanelekileyo linyathelo elibaluleke kakhulu. Baninzi abacebisi phaya, abanokuthi baqeqeshwe bonke abanezidanga ukuze baqhayise kwaye iifizi zabo zinokudlula eluphahleni kodwa sithini isiphumo?
Ungaphuma kwiseshoni yonyango uziva ungonelisekanga kwaye ucinezelekile ngakumbi. Ngenxa yokuba ungazi, ugqirha wakho wayenokuthatha icala, akuvumele ukuba ulwe apho uphazamise khona kwaye batyholana, besahleli phantsi bebukele nje.
Imirhumo ephezulu ayisoloko iqinisekisa umcebisi ongcono. Indlela efanelekileyo yokungena kwi-therapist efanelekileyo kukucela abahlobo, abaye baye kunyango ngokwabo, ukuba bacebise. Ungajonga ubungqina malunga nabacebisi kakhulu. Ukufumana umcebisi olilungu leqela lemibutho eyaziwayo kuthetha ukuba bawuthathela ingqalelo umsebenzi wabo.
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5. Ithini indlela yabo yokungenelela?
Enye yemibuzo ebalulekileyo yokucebisa ngobudlelwane onokuyibuza ngaphambi kokuba uqale inkqubo yeyiphi indlela esetyenziswa ngumcebisi kunyango nokuba iindlela zabo zihambelana nemiba kunye neenjongo zakho. Kwezinye izibini, inokuba licebo elilungileyo ukuya kumntu osebenzisa unyango lwezibini ezigxile emphefumlweni okanye indlela yeGottman. Abanye banokuzuza ngakumbi kunyango olugxile kwisisombululo.
Ngokukwanjalo, jonga kubudlelwane babo kunye nezatifikethi. Ukuba lilungu le-AAMFT, umzekelo, kuthetha ukuba bathathe uqeqesho olungqongqo kwaye badlule kwizifundo ezifunekayo ezibenza babe ngabacebisi bobudlelwane obuqinisekisiweyo. Kwakhona, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba umcebisi wakho wobudlelwane akathabathi cala okanye unobuhlobo emtshatweni.
Ukuba abathabathi cala, baya kuvumela iiseshini zokucebisa ukuba zikuthabathele kulwahlulo, kodwa ukuba bakholelwa ukuba a umtshato kufuneka usindiswe nokuba sekumnyam’ entla, bebeya kwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukuqinisekisa ukuba umtshato uhlala womelele. Kwakhona, umcebisi wobudlelwane olungileyo uya kuphinda asebenze, anike ingxelo ngelixa iseshoni iqhubeka kwaye uya kungenelela ngexesha elifanelekileyo. Baza kukunika umsebenzi wesikolo owenzelwa ekhaya kwaye baya kuyiphonononga inkqubela yakho kunye nawe rhoqo.
6. Uya kuxhathisa ukutshintsha
Ukuba ucinga ukuba uzakuya kunyango kwaye yonke into iya kuhamba njengempepho ke wenza impazamo enkulu. Kuyabonwa ukuba abantu bahlala beluthiyile utshintsho olucetyiswa kubudlelwane ngumcebisi kwaye babe mathidala kwaye baxhathise malunga nalo.
Kwi iphepha Ukungafuni kunye nokuchasana: Imingeni yokutshintsha kwi-Psychotherapy, isazi ngengqondo yeklinikhi uSare Ucar ubhala: Ukungafuni kuchazwa njengokungafuni okanye ukungabaza ukuthatha inxaxheba ngokupheleleyo kwinkqubo yokunceda ngenxa yokungafuni ukutshintsha, ngelixa ukuchasana malunga nokungavumelani kwabaxhasi malunga nendlela yokutshintsha inkqubo yeengcali zonyango.
Kule meko, abathengi banokusebenza njengabachasi kunokuba amaqabane asebenzisanayo atshintshe. Abantu bayaluxhathisa utshintsho kuba bengafuni ukujongana neemvakalelo zabo okanye ngelixa becebisana baye baqonde ukuba bebeziindlavini ngelixa besebenzisana namaqabane abo.
Basenokuvuma iimpazamo zabo ngexesha lokucebisa ngobudlelwane kodwa amaxesha amaninzi abafuni ukuhamba kwindlela enzima kwaye batshintshe indlela abayiyo.
Ngoko izibini zinokuvuma ukunxibelelana ngakumbi, zama iindlela zokusombulula impixano, yaye bawenze ngenkuthalo umsebenzi wabo wesikolo owenzelwa ekhaya kodwa ukuba oogqirha bacebisa iinguqulelo ezithile kwindlela abaziphatha ngayo nakwimikhwa yabo baye baxhathise.
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7. Ngaba abantu abangatshatanga bayaya kwiingcebiso?
Bayayenza kodwa amanani angaphantsi kakhulu xa kuthelekiswa nabatshatileyo abakhetha unyango. IMillennials iya kunyango rhoqo kunezizukulwana zabo zangaphambili kuba bayakuqonda ukubaluleka konyango.
Ngoku i-7% yabantu baseMelika bebonke ukuhlalisana kwabantu. Ngoko ke imiba yabo ijika ifane neyezibini ezitshatileyo ngenxa yokuhlalisana.
Kwakhona, izibini ezininzi eziselula ezingatshatanga zivakalelwa kukuba kungcono ukhethe ukucetyiswa ngobudlelwane xa imiba iqala kwaye unokuyifaka kwi-bud. UViv noGia (amagama atshintshiwe) babenobudlelwane beenyanga ezimbini xa uGia waqonda ukuba wayethetha kakubi kwaye wayenomsindo omkhulu.
Uthe ke xa ecenga uViv wayazi ukuba iphuma kwimpatho-gadalala awayejongene nayo esengumntwana. Wayenokumnyanzela ukuba afumane unyango lomntu ngamnye kodwa endaweni yoko, baya kucetyiswa ngobudlelwane kwaye bakwindawo engcono kakhulu ngoku.
8. Ukufumana nini ukucetyiswa ngobudlelwane?
Lo ngumbuzo obalulekileyo obuzwa zizibini ezininzi. Njengoko besitshilo ngaphambili, uJohn Gottman uthe izibini zihlala zingena kunyango emva kwexesha. Amanzi amaninzi aye ahamba ngaphantsi kwebhulorho ngelo xesha kwaye phantse akunakwenzeka sindisa ubudlelwane ngoko.
Amaqabane ahlala evakalelwa kukuba imiba abajongene nayo iqhelekile kwaye baya kukwazi ukuyijonga. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba isibini sivume ukuba kukho into engalunganga ngobudlelwane kwaye inyathelo elikhulu elilandelayo kukuya kwiingcebiso zobudlelwane.
Ngokwesiqhelo, abantu abatshatileyo baya kucetyiswa xa bengakwazi ukucombulula iingxabano, unxibelelwano lwehle lwaya kutsho ku-zero kwaye banokuziva ngokucacileyo ukuba bayahlukana.
Ukunqongophala komzimba kunye ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kusenokubangela iingxaki emtshatweni. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu abatshatileyo bayazi ukuba kukho into engalunganga kubudlelwane kodwa abakwazi ukwenza ukuba yintoni kanye kanye umba, xa kunjalo, banokuya kwingcebiso yobudlelwane.
9. Iingcebiso zobudlelwane phambi komtshato
Abantu ngaphambili bebesiya kwingcebiso kuphela xa umtshato usengxakini kodwa ngoku izibini ezininzi zikhetha ukucetyiswa ngaphambi komtshato ukwenza isiseko somtshato somelele.
Bafuna ukuziphepha iimpazamo ezenziwa zizizukulwana zabo zangaphambili. Enye yezona ngongoma zinkulu zokudibanisa ingcebiso ngaphambi komtshato Ngaba unokususa amathandabuzo ambalwa anokuthi abe yimiba ekhathazayo kubudlelwane. Umzekelo, elinye iqabane linokuba lihlala linxibelelana nomntu owayesakuba liqabane kwaye elinye lisenokungalunganga emva komtshato. Lo mbandela unokuqwalaselwa.
Abalingane banokuxoxa ngendlela abajonga ngayo indima yesini kubudlelwane, bagqibe ngokwabelana ngezimali kwaye baxoxe ngokuqala usapho. Ngokomzekelo, elinye iqabane lisenokufuna umntwana kwasekuqaleni komtshato yaye elinye lisenokufuna ukuyithintela loo mbopheleleko.
Ingqumbo eyityhefu sele ikhona kwaye ngaphandle kokuba ilungisiwe inokuphakamisa iintloko zabo ezimbi emtshatweni wakho. Ukuqala, ungajongana neendawo ezinokuthi zibe khona zongquzulwano - ungumntu othanda ukuchitha imali, ulitshijolo, okanye uyarhona kakhulu kwaye uyayithanda i-air-conditioner ipholile.
Ukuqala kubudlelwane obusondeleyo kwiinkolelo zonqulo ukuya kwiinjongo zobomi unokuthatha uncedo lomcebisi ukuba uxoxe ngazo zonke kwaye ufumane isisombululo nangaphambi kokuba umtshato wakho uqalise. Iingcebiso zobudlelwane ozifumanayo zinceda kakhulu kwixesha elizayo.
10. Yenza ntoni ingcebiso ngobudlelwane?
Kwi-70 % yamatyala, iphucula ubudlelwane, kodwa kwi-30% yamatyala, iingcebiso zobudlelwane kunokuphelisa umtshato. Rhoqo izibini ezitshatileyo ziyi-ajenda edibeneyo izibini ezithetha ukuba ngelixa elinye iqabane lifuna ukusindisa umtshato, elinye lijoyina iiseshoni zonyango kunye ne-ajenda yokuba iya kubanceda bafumane indlela yokuphuma emtshatweni.
Le yinto ebonwa ngabacebisi xa izibini zikhetha ukucetyiswa ngobudlelwane. Ngoko xa beqhubeka bekhulula amaqhina kubudlelwane ngokucebisana kunokucaca ngokuthe ngcembe ukuba ulwalamano alunakuhlangulwa. Omabini amaqabane anokuba ngabathathi-nxaxheba abavumayo kwiingcebiso kodwa nangona kunjalo, kunokucaciswa ukuba ubudlelwane abuyi kusebenza nangayiphi na indlela.
Izibini ezininzi ziyawuphelisa umtshato wazo nje emva konyango. Ngamanye amaxesha baya kwi- ukwahlukana kwetyala kodwa amaxesha amaninzi abakakwazi ukugcina ubudlelwane. Ke le nyaniso nayo kufuneka yamkelwe xa isibini sikhetha ukucetyiswa ngobudlelwane. Kusoloko kukho ithuba lokuba oko kungaphelela kuqhawulo-mtshato.
Ngoku ekubeni ucace gca malunga nendlela osebenza ngayo ingcebiso ngobudlelwane kunye nento onethemba lokuyifumana kule nkqubo, hlala neqabane lakho kwaye nicingisise nzulu ngoncedo oluyimfuneko oludingayo ukwenza ubudlelwane benu buqine kwaye buzalisekise. Ukuba ngenxa yezithintelo okanye ixesha kunye neengxaki zemali, iiseshini zangaphakathi-mntu zibonakala zingenakwenzeka, iingcebiso zobudlelwane kwi-intanethi zinokungqineka ziyindlela esebenzayo. Ungafumana iinkonzo zoluleko ezingabizi kakhulu ukusuka Abacebisi ngeBonobology okanye ugqirha onelayisenisi okufutshane nawe ukusuka kubutofotofo kunye nobumfihlo bekhaya lakho.
Iimpawu ezili-10 zokuba umyeni wakho unobudlelwane obungokweemvakalelo
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
KUINKA SAIN EXIN AVIOMEEHENI TAKAISIN LOITSUJEN LAUTAJAN {PAPPI ADU} AVULLA JA HÄNEN JÄLLEENYTTÄMISRAKKAUDEN LOITSUNSA VOIMANA 7 PÄIVÄN SISÄLLÄ. ULÄHETÄ HÄNELLE SÄHKÖPOSTIA OSOITTEESEEN ([imeyile ikhuselwe])