Ukuzulazula ngeCawe emva kwemini, iqabane lakho kunye nawe usenokuba uziva ngathi sesona sibini silungileyo osaziyo kwaye unxibelelwano lwakho alunalutho. Ukukrola ku-Instagram wakho, ubona uBrad noMindy begxadazela kwibala lentenetya, ibala legalufa elincinane, kunye nokuvulwa kwegalari yobugcisa! Ngokuqinisekileyo, kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane, owakho usanxiba isithsaba, akunjalo?
Kutheni le nto ezinye izibini zisoloko zisendleleni, kwaye ezinye zonwaba kakhulu xa umfana wepizza ekugqibeleni ekhala intsimbi yokungena emnyango? Kutheni ezinye izibini zibhekisa kwiqabane lazo “njengomhlobo osenyongweni”, ngelixa abanye bengabonakali ngathi bagcina izandla zabo omnye komnye? Uya kumangaliswa kwiindidi ezininzi zobudlelwane bothando kunye nobomi ngokubanzi.
Abanye abantu basoloko bejolise kusapho, ngelixa elinye iqashiso likhetha ubomi be-bohemian, besenza abantu abatsha yonke imihla. Uya kuqaphela umntu owamkela ubuhlobo ngaphezu kothando. Kwaye abanye abambalwa mhlawumbi baya kunqumla abahlobo ebomini ukuze bachithe lonke ixesha kunye neqabane labo. Kanye njengokuba umbhali wemidlalo yeqonga odumileyo wakha wathi, "Ihlabathi liphela liqonga, kwaye onke amadoda nabafazi ngabadlali nje."
Iindidi ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane esizibonayo zisenokukwazi ukuphendula yonke le mibuzo kwaye zinokukuxelela ukuba eyakho ihlelwe njani. Mhlawumbi emva kokuba uhambe kuluhlu lwethu lwazo zonke iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane, uya kuba nakho ukuphendula ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba kutheni nobabini nimthiya kangaka uBrad noMindy.
Iindidi ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane
Isiqulatho
Ukuba ukwi-relationship eye yathatha iminyaka eyi-5+, cinga ngohlobo lwabantu owawululo xa usaqala ukuthandana. Ubuntu bakho, ubudlelwane bakho, kunye nobunzima bakho (uxolo) zonke zitshintshile, akunjalo? Ngokufanayo, akukho budlelwane bothando buhlala ngokwenene kudidi oluchaziweyo ngonaphakade.
Nangona kunjalo, ukubeka ubudlelwane kwiindidi kunokuba luncedo, ukuba ufuna ukuqonda iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane. Ngubani owaziyo, xa sele ufumene uhlobo lobudlelwane bakho bothando obuwela kulo, unokukwazi ukulenza libe ngcono. Kodwa uyayazi into abayithethayo, awungekhe uphucule kwimfezeko (thatha oku njengoxolo lwezimvo zobunzima). Masingene kubudlelwane obahlukeneyo, ukuze ekugqibeleni unike isibini sikaBrad noMindy ileyibhile ngelixa uhleba ngabo:
1. Ubudlelwane obungekho nzulu kangako
Ubudlelwane 'okwangoku', okanye a ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, ukuba kunokwenzeka. Omabini amaqabane akholisa ukonwabela ukuba kunye kodwa abafuni nto inzulu. Ubudlelwane bokuthandana obufana nolu bunokuthi buvele xa amaqabane amabini efuna ukuphilisa kwintlungu yothando olwaphukileyo, okanye ufuna nje ukusondelelana, ngaphandle kwemibhalo ethile kunye nezithembiso.
Ezi ntlobo zobudlelwane bobudlelwane ziya kusebenza kakuhle kuphela xa omabini amaqabane ecacile malunga nolindelo lwabo kwasekuqaleni. Ngaphandle koko, ingathatha isimo sokukhohlisa ngelishwa. Ukuthetha ngokusuka kumava obuqu, kukho icala elinye elibi kolu hlobo lwentsebenziswano. Intombazana okanye inkwenkwe isenokuthandana nomnye umntu nangona ikuqonda ngokucacileyo ukuma kwabo.
Ukuba wena okanye umntu omaziyo ukwazile ngempumelelo ukufumana unxulumano oluqhelekileyo, sinokuthi unalo lonke ithamsanqa emhlabeni. Ngubani ofuna ukwazi malunga nazo zonke ezinye iintlobo zobudlelwane bothando xa 'okwangoku' ubudlelwane obuqhelekileyo bukhona? Yeyona nto ibalaseleyo yehlabathi, yiyo loo nto iqhelekile njengeeunicorns.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindidi ezisi-7 zokungakhuseleki kubudlelwane, kwaye zinokukuchaphazela njani
2. Uhlobo oluqhelekileyo lobudlelwane: Umgama omde
Ukuzibophelela kumgama omde kufana neklinikhi ye-gynecologist. Akukho mntu ufuna ngokwenene ukuba kwenye kodwa sonke silwenzile olo hambo lokuqala lovalo, soyika kakhulu. Kwabangaqhelanga (okanye abanethamsanqa), ubudlelwane bomgama omde luhlobo lobudlelwane bothando apho iqabane lakho lingahlali kwisixeko/kwilizwe elinye njengawe.
Phantse bububi obuyimfuneko, obukuvumela ukuba wazi amahla ndinyuka obudlelwane obahlukeneyo, ngelixa usenza ukuba uqalekise ithamsanqa lakho ngalo lonke ixesha eningekho kunye nobabini.. Ubudlelwane obukude bunokusebenza kuphela xa isibini sithembana, sinxibelelana ngokukhululekileyo, yaye sihlonelana. Kunzima ukuba phakathi, ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa maninzi amabali empumelelo nawo.
Ezi ntlobo zobudlelwane bothando ebomini ziqala kwinqaku lefilimu. "Siza kuwenza lo msebenzi nokuba sikude kangakanani na." Kodwa bafundi bam abathandekayo, masiyigcine iyinyani ukunisindisa zonke iintlungu. Mna, enyanisweni, ndiyasazi isibini esafudusa amazwekazi ahlukana phakathi singenanjongo yokubuyela kweli lizwe kwakhona. Ngoku abanakukwazi ukujongana nokuthandana nomnye umntu kwaye abanako ukuyiqhawula. Ngumlo ombi wamazwekazi. Ke, ndingacebisa ukuba uthathe le nto ingaqhelekanga kuphela ukuba iinjongo zakho kunye nokukhetha kwakho ubomi kuyahambelana.
3. Ubudlelwane obuzimeleyo
Kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane, isibini esikwi-codependent sihlala sidibana nomntu wangaphandle. Uyazi uhlobo, oluhlala luhlangene kwi-hip, alukwazi ukusinda okwesibini ngaphandle komnye. Amajelo eendaba ezentlalo ahlala ekhukulisekile omnye komnye, kukho indawo engekhoyo yobuqu kubudlelwane babo. Kuzo zonke iinjongo kunye neenjongo, isenokungabi yeyona nto isempilweni.
Ukuba ufuna ireferensi engcono ukuqonda ezi ntlobo zobudlelwane ebomini, jonga nje uLily noMarshall ukusuka Indlela endiyifumene ngayo noMama wakho. Ngokukrwaqula nje, babonakala bengumfuziselo wothando lokwenyani kunye nosukelo olungenangqiqo lwesibini. Kodwa ukuxhomekeka kwabo okunamandla ngokweemvakalelo akuzange kubavumele ukuba bachithe ihlobo nje elinye kude.
Ngamanye amaxesha, a ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke inokuthi yenzeke ngenxa yokungathembeki kunye/okanye ukungakhuseleki. Amaqabane asenokungazi nokuba angoobani na ngaphandle kobudlelwane, nto leyo ephela ibangela iingxaki ezinkulu. Psst, mhlawumbi le yileyibhile kaBrad noMindy?
4. Ubudlelwane obuzimeleyo
Olu hlobo lobudlelwane luneempawu eziphilileyo nezilungileyo. An ubudlelwane obuzimeleyo kodwa obunothando yeyokuba amaqabane amabini akunye kodwa anika omnye umlinganiselo ofanelekileyo wendawo yobuqu. Kuzo zonke iintlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane, le yenzeka ukuba yeyona isempilweni kwaye iyasebenza.
Amaqabane akhula kwaye asasaze amaphiko awo ngaphandle kobudlelwane ngokunjalo, kwaye ubuntu buhlonitshwa kakuhle kwindlela eguqukayo efana nale. Kukho intlonipho eyaneleyo evela kumaqabane omabini kwindawo yomntu, ukuthanda, kunye noluvo. Ubudlelwane obuzimeleyo buhlala bungcono kunomntu oxhomekeke ekubeni uyayazi into abayithethayo malunga nokubambelela kwinto oyithandayo kakhulu.
5. Ubudlelwane bezesondo
Abahlobo abanezibonelelo, isibini esibandakanyeka ngokwesondo, amaqabane ngesondo ... yibize ngayo nantoni na oyifunayo, isiseko sihlala sinjalo. Ubudlelwane bezesondo lolo apho abantu ababini babandakanyeka ngokwesini omnye komnye, kungekho nto ingako ukuba basondelelene ngokweemvakalelo.
Abantu abakwimeko yobomi apho abakakulungeli ukujongana nesiphithiphithi seemvakalelo zobudlelwane okanye bafuna ukuphinda babuyele banokufumana olu hlobo lobudlelwane obuguquguqukayo bevuma kakhulu. Ukuba kwenzeka ukuba babe nobudlelwane obusondeleyo ngaphandle kobudlelwane, igama elithi "abahlobo abanokuxhamla” zisenokufaneleka ngakumbi ukuchaza ukuguquguquka kwazo.
Kodwa njengefilimu edumileyo ka-Ashton Kutcher kunye noMila Kunis malunga nabahlobo abaneenzuzo, izinto zinotyekelo lokugqiba ukuba nzima kunokuzonwabisa. Kuba eyona nto inomtsalane kukuba akukho naziphi na izibophelelo kunye neengxaki, unokwazi iqela le-Gen Zers ngokusebenzayo okanye uzama ukufumana ezi ntlobo zobudlelwane bezesondo. Kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba ezinye izizukulwana azikwazi ukuthatha inxaxheba kubudlelwane bezesondo kuphela.
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6. Ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo
An ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo Ibandakanya ngaphezu kweqabane elinye ngokwesondo, kodwa ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo kudla ngokugcinelwa kuphela iqabane abakubudlelwane nalo. Ngamafutshane, abantu abakubudlelwane obuvulekileyo banokulala nabanye abantu. Ezi ntlobo zobudlelwane bothando ebomini azikho ibali lesibini eliqhelekileyo lemihla ngemihla. Abantu abanomphefumlo womhloli kunye nengqondo ekhululayo banokuphatha ubudlelwane obuvulekileyo ngempumelelo.
Masiyivume le nto, thina bantu bafayo sithwele imvakalelo efana nomona kwaye asinguye sonke esinokuyoyisa ngokulula ngolo hlobo. Imvumelwano macala sisitshixo ukuvula ubudlelwane dynamics. Amaqabane kubudlelwane obuvulelekileyo banokuba nobudlelwane obuqinileyo ngokweemvakalelo omnye komnye kwaye banokubonakala bengahlukanga kubudlelwane bomntu omnye bemveli, ubuncinci kumphambili weemvakalelo. Kukho iintlobo zobudlelwane apho, njengoko ubona, ukuba nomfazi omnye akusoloko kufuneka kubonakale.
7. Uqhagamshelo/ubudlelwane obukude
Ubudlelwane obuzimeleyo buhle, kodwa xa isithuba somntu siphuma esandleni, unokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane obunqanyuliweyo. Amaqabane anokuba ne ukungabikho kobudlelwane ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni, kwaye kusenokude kubande omnye komnye. Ngenxa yokoyika umtyholi abangamaziyo, abanye abantu bakhetha ukuhlala kubudlelwane obungadityaniswanga ngenxa yokuqhelana kwayo nokunqongophala kongquzulwano kuba akukho nto inokulwa.
Njengoninzi lweentlobo ezingasebenziyo zobudlelwane, oku akwenzeki ngobusuku. Amaqabane asenokuba ngaphambili abelane ngeqhina eliphilileyo, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha basenokuba baye bahlukana. Kodwa, ngelo xesha, baye baqhelana kangangokuba ukwahlukana nokwazana nomntu othile kwasekuqaleni kubonakala kumgudu omkhulu.
Ngenxa yoko, bakhetha ukuba ngabantu ababini abangaziwayo kulwalamano olufanayo. Kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane bothando, lo unokuba lolona ludandathekisayo. Ukubukela ubudlelwane obuqhawukileyo buphela kancinci bube bubumnyama kunzima kuwo omabini amaqabane kunye nabantu ababangqongileyo.
8. Ubudlelwane bothando esinqwenela ukuba zange bubekho: Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu
Kwakhona, wathi-waphinda wathi, ukulayita igesi, ukukhohlisa, ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo/emzimbeni…ufumana umxholo. Ubudlelwane obunobutyhefu buzisa imimoya evunguzayo, kwaye kunqabile ukuba ufumane umntu onokuthi akazange abe nobudlelwane bothando obungeyiyo ityhefu ngokwemvelo.
Olona hlobo lunyamezeleyo noludume kakubi lobudlelwane eluthandweni, ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bunokuthatha iimilo ezininzi kunye neemo. Ekubeni ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bubonisa ukukhohlisa, ukulayita igesi, umona, kunye nemiba yokuthembana, banokuphela bebangela umonakalo omkhulu engqondweni kunye / okanye emzimbeni emntwini.
Iintlobo zobudlelwane ezifana nezi zisixelela ukuba kufuneka siphephe iintshukumo ezithile ukusukela oko iimpawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obuyityhefu azibonakali kuthi de siqonde ukuba sisebunzimeni bezinto. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ubona naziphi iiflegi ezibomvu kwangethuba, kungcono ukuba uhlale ulindile. Kungcono, kunokuba ume apho kwaye unyamezele i-bullshit kunye nokuxhatshazwa, qhuba isihogo kule ntsebenziswano. Awuyi kuba natyala lamntu!
9. Ubudlelwane bomzabalazo wamandla
Ubudlelwane bothando obukhuphisanayo / obulawulayo bukhona apho amaqabane amabini ahlala ekhuphisana, ukuseka ukuba ngubani onesandla esiphezulu kubudlelwane babo. Ukukhohlisa kubudlelwane, imidlalo yengqondo encinci, kunye nokujongelana kusenokuvela, ngelinge lokwazisa iqabane ukuba ngubani onamandla angakumbi.
Ubudlelwane obahlukeneyo bubonisa imidlalo yamandla eyahlukeneyo kuba akukho budlelwane bungenalo. Nangona, kubudlelwane obulawulayo, izinto zinokuthatha ujiko olubi. Ngubani owamkela ngaphezulu? Ngubani onegunya lokwenza izigqibo? Ngubani obiza izithonga? Imibuzo emincinci efana nale inokugqibela ekulawuleni ubudlelwane.
Ukuba ungumntu othobekileyo kobu budlelwane, kungekudala uya kuqonda ukuba uthathe inxaxheba kukhuphiswano olungenasiphelo. Kwaye akukho kuphumelela kwiqabane lakho eliphambili. Nokuba uzama kangakanani na, imizamo yakho kunye nezinto oziphumezileyo aziyi kuba naxabiso kuzo.
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10. Ubudlelwane bePolyamorous
Asikwazi ukushiya iibhondi ze-polyamorous ngaphandle kwengxoxo yeentlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane. Ngokwendalo, ubudlelwane be-polyamorous busondele ngokufanelekileyo kwezo zivulekileyo kodwa kunye ne-twist eyongezelelweyo. Ngokungafaniyo nobudlelwane obuvulekileyo, kwipolyamory, unamaqabane amaninzi anothando nanothando. Ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kunokuthi kwenzeke okanye kungenzeki komnye okanye kuzo zonke. Kuyahluka kumntu nomntu.
Kukho igama elihle lokuchaza undoqo wobudlelwane be-polyamorous-ethical non-monogamy, apho amaqabane amabini abandakanyeka kubudlelwane bothando obungaphezu kwesinye ngemvume epheleleyo evela kumacala omabini. Izibini ezininzi zicinga ngokugcina ulawulo olusekwe kukubaluleka kwaye zileyibhelishe njengobudlelwane babo obuphambili. Kwakhona, ngenxa yokuba i-polyamory ikuvumela ukuba ube namaqabane amaninzi, ayithethi ukuba ingcamango yokukhohlisa ayikho kule nto. Kufuneka usebenze kwimida ethile kunye nokulindela ngaphambi kokuba ungene kubudlelwane be-polyamorous.
11. Uthando oludala lweplatonic
Ngaba ukhe uzibuze, "Kutheni ndingayi kufumana ubudlelwane apho andiyi kugwetywa ngenxa yokuba mna? Apho ndiziva ndivuya ngokupheleleyo kwaye ndikhuselekile kunayo nayiphi na enye indawo kweli hlabathi. Umntu okwazi ukufunda ingqondo yam ngaphambi kokuba ndithethe. Ubudlelwane apho akuyi kubakho mthwalo wokulindela ubomi obude, kwaye ngaphezu kwayo yonke into, akukho ukuzulazula kwamehlo anenkanuko. Ngaba oko akunakwenzeka?
Hayi mfondini, le nto ugqiba kuyichaza ibikho kwakudala. Kuzo zonke iintlobo zobudlelwane ebomini, uthando lweplatonic lunqabile kwaye luxabiseke kakhulu - mhlawumbi luphantsi kakhulu. Inguqulelo yanamhlanje yengcamango kaPlato yothando icebisa iqhina elisondeleleneyo/ubudlelwane/ubuhlobo obusekwe kuthando olunyulu kunye nomsa.
Isitixo umahluko phakathi kweplatonic kunye nobudlelwane bothando kukuba kwiibhondi zeplatonic, isondo siphelile ngokupheleleyo etafileni. Ukuba ujonga ngenyameko kwisipili sobomi, mhlawumbi uya kumqonda umntu owabelana naye ngolu lwalamano lobuthixo, ngaphandle kokwazi ngako.
12. Olona hlobo lulungileyo lobudlelwane: Ubudlelwane obuhambelanayo
Ukuhambelana, ubudlelwane obuphilileyo lilitye elinqabileyo lesithsaba phakathi kweentlobo ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane; yiyo eyenza abantu bahambe "Aww!" kunye nokuluhlaza okuncinci kunye nomona. Ekubeni singaphili kwihlabathi le-utopian, uthando olungenamiqathango, olugqibeleleyo alukho. Eyona nto isondeleyo kuloo nto, bububele, ububele, nolwalamano lothando olubonisa amaqabane akulungeleyo ukuncama omnye nomnye aze agcine izilangazelelo zomnye nomnye.
Amaqabane amabini asenokuziva emiselwe omnye komnye, ngokungathi ngabantu abathandanayo ababelana ngemilinganiselo efanayo, iinjongo ezifanayo, izinto ezifanayo. Kunqabile ukuba amaqhina anjalo enze kwaye achume, kodwa akuba enzile, abe ngumzekelo oqaqambileyo wesibini esigqibeleleyo. Ngapha koko, kuye wonke umntu obangqongileyo, zii #CoupleGoals!
Siyathemba ukuba kwiindidi zobudlelwane esizidwelisileyo, olwakho luwela kwiindidi ezisempilweni. Ukuba nangoku uthelekisa ubudlelwane bakho ukuba isibini okukruqulayo nina nobabini awukwazi ukuyeka bitching malunga, ukufumana intuthuzelo kwinto yokuba zonke ubudlelwane single yahlukile kwaye eyodwa ngenxa yothando kunye nemilinganiselo uzisa kuyo. Ubukho bezi ntlobo zahlukeneyo zobudlelwane kufuneka bunike imbono yendlela ekhethekileyo kunye nenhle ngayo eyakho.
Iintlobo ezi-5 zootata kunye nento onokuyilindela xa beyilindele
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
