Imizekelo ye-19 yeMida ephilileyo kubudlelwane

"Imida iyasichaza. Bachaza into endiyiyo kwaye yintoni engeyiyo. Umda undibonisa apho ndiphela khona kwaye omnye umntu uqala, endikhokelela kwimvakalelo yobunini. Ukwazi into endifanele ukuba nayo nokuba noxanduva kundinika inkululeko.” -UHenry Cloud.

Ubudlelwane obuphilileyo bubakho kuphela ukuba kukho imida ephilileyo phakathi kwesibini. Imizekelo enjalo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane isinceda ukuba sibazi kakuhle abantu ababalulekileyo. Ukuqonda iimfuno zomntu ngamnye zobuqu, ngokwasemzimbeni, nangokweemvakalelo kwaye ukongezelela ukunxibelelana yeyona ndlela ilungileyo ubani anokubeka imizekelo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane.

Kodwa imida enempilo kubudlelwane ikhangeleka njani? Ukukunceda ukuba uqonde okufanayo, sikuphathele iimeko ezithile kunye nemizekelo yemida enempilo kubudlelwane ngokubonisana ne-psychotherapist. UGqr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ojongene nokucebisa ngobudlelwane kunye neRational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Uchaza ukumiselwa kwemida njengesenzo sokuqinisekisa. Xa imida esempilweni ihlonelwa ngamaqabane omabini, ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo kuba sisiseko esomeleleyo kulwalamano.

Yeyiphi imida ephilileyo kubudlelwane?

UGqr. Jacqui Gabb, unjingalwazi weSociology uthi: “Xa kufikwa kubomi benu njengesibini, cinga ukuba ngokwenene kukho izinto ezintathu ezibandakanyekileyo: wena, iqabane lakho, nolwalamano ngokwalo—kwaye imida ifanele icaciswe kumntu ngamnye.

Ukumisela imizekelo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane kuthetha ukunxibelelana kunye nokwabelana ngeenqobo zakho ezisemgangathweni, imigaqo, ukuziphatha, iinkolelo, iintlungu ezidlulileyo, izinto ozithandayo, kunye nezingathandiyo. Ukwenza oku, kunceda iqabane lakho ukuba liqonde ukulinganiselwa kwakho ngokwasemoyeni nangokomzimba, nto leyo enegalelo ekubeni nobudlelwane obungcono kakhulu ngokubanzi.  

Imizekelo imida enempilo kubudlelwane Ayizomvakalelo nje okanye ngokwasengqondweni, zinokuba yimida ngokwasemzimbeni. Umzekelo, ukuba akuthandi ukuphathwa ngendlela ethile okanye amagama athile ongafuni kubizwa ngawo, kuyanyanzeleka ukuba uwadlulisele kumlingane wakho, umazise apho ukrwela umgca khona. Xa iqabane lakho, nalo, likuhlonela oko kwaye likuphepha ukwenza izinto alaziyo ukuba awuziva ukhululekile kuzo, uya kuba umisele umda ophilileyo kulwalamano lwenu. 

Indlela yokubeka imida kubudlelwane?

Ngaphambi kokuba siqonde uluhlu lwemida yobudlelwane, kufuneka siqale sijonge indlela umntu ahamba ngayo ngokuseta ezi. Ngesiqhelo, kwixesha lasemva komtshato, imida kubudlelwane ayibikho kuba ezi ntaka zimbini zothando zihlala zibethwa kakhulu ukuba zingakhathalelwa. Kodwa xa ulwalamano luqala ukuqina, iimfuno zomntu zobuqu ziqala ukuza emfanekisweni kwaye izinto ziqala ukutshintsha. Umzekelo, kwiiveki ezimbalwa zokuqala zokuthandana, ubuthanda ukuba isoka lakho likulinde ngaphandle komsebenzi rhoqo ebusuku kwaye likuqhubele ekhaya. Kodwa ngoku, oko kuqala ukuziva kudinwa kancinci.

Emva kokuba nosuku olude kangaka, ufuna ukonwabela uhambo lokubuyela ekhaya ngokwakho, kwaye ukumbona rhoqo, sele eqala ukuziva njengomthwalo. Asikuko ukuba ubuhlobo bakho bungumthwalo. Kuphela nje ukuba nina nobabini anikayiqondi imida yomnye. Ukuze ukwazi ukumisela imizekelo yemida yobuqu kubudlelwane bakho, kufuneka nobabini niqale ukunxibelelana ngokunyanisekileyo kwaye rhoqo.

Kufuneka ubonise ngomlomo xa ucinga ukuba ufuna indawo kwiqabane lakho. Nokuba ngaba bayakugxeka ngeetekisi xa usemsebenzini okanye babonisa ungaxelelwanga kwindlu yakho, ukuba awubonisi ngokucacileyo ukuba ezi zinto zinokukukhathaza, awuyi kukwazi ukubeka imida kubudlelwane bakho. Yiba nobubele kubo, kodwa bonisa into oyifunayo ngokucacileyo.

Imizekelo ye-19 yeMida ephilileyo kubudlelwane

Kukho imizekelo emininzi yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane. Nokuba lubudlelwane okanye umtshato, ukuba nemida yobuqu, yomzimba, kunye neyesondo inceda kunxibelelwano olungcono kunye nokwandisa ukusondelelana ngokubanzi. Imida esempilweni kubudlelwane ikunceda ukuba ujongane neemeko ezinzima ngokutyibilikayo kunokuba ubangele uxinzelelo okanye uxinzelelo kwibhondi yakho. 

UGqr. Bhonsle Ithi, “Ukumisela imida kuyinkalo ebalulekileyo kulwalamano, kukumisela imilinganiselo yentlonelo nokuqwalasela amalungelo, iminqweno neminqweno yabanye abantu. Ngaloo nto, kubalulekile ukuba siye ngaphaya kolu luhlu lwemida yobudlelwane. Makhe sijonge imizekelo embalwa kunye namava aya kusinceda siqonde ukuba yeyiphi imizekelo yemida yobuqu kubudlelwane ekhangeleka ngokwenene.

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1. Owona mda ulula kodwa unamandla – Unxibelelwano

Lo ngomnye weyona mizekelo ibalulekileyo yempilo imida ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Ukunxibelelana ngeengcinga zakho ngokunyanisekileyo kwiqabane lakho kuya kunceda ukuseka imida yomlomo imizekelo. Ngamanye amaxesha kunzima ukuzoba umgca phakathi kweengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kusoloko kuhle ukufuna ixesha lokuqokelela iingcamango zakho kunokuba ulisebenzise njengeqhinga lokuphepha ukuphinda uxubushe.

"Mna noDana saya kwitheko ngolunye usuku, isoka lam lafumana umhlobo wakhe uJacob kunye naye sazama ukumisela uDana kunye naye. Saba nexesha elimnandi kwaye ngelixa sasihamba, uJacob wasondela phambili ukuba abambe uDana kodwa uDana wema nje apho kwaye wachaza ukuba akayena umkhuseli omkhulu kwaye ukuxhawula isandla kwanele. imida, endicinga ukuba iyancomeka,” utshilo uCecilia, (32), umthengisi webhari/umamkeli zindwendwe.

2. Ukuthabatha uxanduva okanye ukwala ukubekek’ ityala

URaghu (26) ongumpheki we<em>sous, uthi: “Ngalo lonke ixesha mna nesithandwa sam sisilwa okanye sixambulisana ngandlel’ ithile, siye sivumelane size sixolelane. Thatha kuRaghu, ukuba nencoko eyakhayo emva komlo kubalulekile kulo naluphi na ulwalamano.

Ngamanye amaxesha wena okanye iqabane lakho ninokubeka ityala omnye komnye ngenxa yomsindo, ubuhlungu okanye umvandedwa emva kokuba nixabene. Kodwa endaweni yokutyholana ngendlela ovakalelwa ngayo, nqumama kancinane uze uzibuze ngokhetho olwenzileyo noko kwakhokelela kwimeko ekhoyo kwasekuqaleni. Zivume iimvakalelo zomnye nomnye kodwa ungaze uthabathe uxanduva ngezenzo zeqabane lakho. Lo ngomnye wemizekelo elula yemida yeemvakalelo enempilo kubudlelwane.

3. Ukuhlonipha ubumfihlo bomnye nomnye

Asinakugxininisa ukubaluleka koku. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi, “Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantu abakubudlelwane bazama ukuba nelinye iqabane, nto leyo iphazamisana ngqo nobumfihlo. ubudlelwane obuphilileyo, akukho bantu babini bafanele bazame ukuba ngabanini. Aningobanikazi, ningamahlakani, nisebenza kunye.” 

Lo ngomnye wemizekelo ebalulekileyo yemida yomntu kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Ukwabelana ngezinto zakho, amagama ayimfihlo, iijenali, ukothuka okudlulileyo, kunye namanqaku okuqalisa ngokubona kwakho kubalulekile. Umntu okunyanzela ukuba wabelane ngezinto akwamkelekanga. Musa ukuyimela.

UGqr. Bhonsle wongezelela ngelithi, “Xa kufikelelwa kwizinto ezibuhlungu ezidluleyo nezibangeleyo, zifanele zabelanwe ngesantya esifanayo. Esenza umzekelo, uqhube wathi, “Emtshatweni, ukuba inkosikazi ithanda izinja kwaye isoloko ithetha ngalo nto ibe umyeni angazithandi izinja kuba umntu osondelene naye wabulawa ngumgada, uhlala ethule ephulaphule xa umfazi eqhayisa ngezinja. 

“Yaye umfazi akazi ngokwenzakala kwakhe kwixa elidluleyo, ngenxa yokuba kwakungazange kwabiwe ngaphambili, usenokucaphuka yaye oko kusenokuphuma enomsindo ngexesha elingaqhelekanga yaye oku kunokuba ngumbandela ochukumisayo emtshatweni.

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4. Ukuthi 'Hayi' kuphakathi kwemizekelo yemida ephilileyo 

Kwisiqendu ABAHLOBO apho uMonica noChandler becinga uhlahlo lwabiwo-mali lomtshato wabo; UMonica uthi: “Sinokuhlala sifumana imali, kodwa sitshata kube kanye kuphela.” U-Chandler uphendula athi, "Jonga ndiyaqonda kodwa kufuneka ndibeke unyawo lwam phantsi, kulungile, impendulo nguHAYI." Imizekelo enjalo yokubeka imida, nangona iyintsomi, inokuhamba umgama omde kakhulu ke thatha ingcebiso okanye ezimbini kuChandler.

Lo ngowona mzekelo ubalaseleyo wemida yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane obunempilo. Sidla ngokuthanda ukwenza yonke into efunwa liqabane lethu kuba sicinga ukuba ukungavumi kuya kumenzakalisa. Nditsho esithi hayi kwisondo, yinto esidla ngokuyiphepha ngenxa yokuba sinexhala lokucaphukisa iqabane lethu. Kodwa ukukwazi ukuthi hayi kwizinto ezinxamnye nemigaqo yakho okanye ukungahloneli ixesha namandla akho kuphakathi kwemizekelo ebalulekileyo yemida yobuqu ekufuneka ixelwe zizibini ezingakumbi nangakumbi. Kubalulekile kubudlelwane ukuba ube nemida yeemvakalelo enempilo enjalo.

5. Ukuhloniphana kubudlelwane

Ukumisela imizekelo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane kuthetha ukuba uxelela iqabane lakho ukuba ufuna ukuphathwa njani. Ukuba ufuna ukuthandwa nokuhlonelwa ngendlela ethile, kufuneka ubonise uthando nentlonelo efanayo. Kwimeko apho, iqabane lakho lithetha nawe ngendlela engalawulekiyo okanye ithoni yokungahloneli, kufuneka uhlale ubazisa ukuba ayimkelekanga. Lowo ngomnye wemizekelo yemida ephilileyo emitshatweni nakubudlelwane.

"Ndikholelwa ukuba ubudlelwane bufuna ukuthembana kunye nentlonipho ngaphezu kothando. Kufuneka niqondane njengabahlobo kuqala ngaphambi kokuba uthando ludlale indima yalo. Zihlonipheni iinkqubo zeenkolelo kunye neenjongo zomnye. 

“Kufuneka kubekho intlonipho ngokubanzi nje ngokuba ngumntu.Kukho intlonipho enemiqathango nengenamqathango kubo bonke ubudlelwane, kwaye kufuneka isoloko imanyene.Into yokuba ningavumelani ayithethi ukuba kufuneka ningahloniphani.Zikhona iindlela yilwa ngembeko neqabane lakho okanye iqabane,” uyacacisa uGqr. Bhonsle.

6. Ukuzimela nangona ukubudlelwane

Kulungile ukusuka ku-'wena kunye no-'mna' uye ku-"thina" kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Kodwa ukuba nesiqu kubalulekile kwaye kuzisa umda wobuqu kubudlelwane kuba unomdla wakho, ubukrelekrele, kunye nezinto ozinqwenelayo ukuzizalisekisa ngokunjalo. UAnne, umyili wefashoni xa sathetha naye ngemizekelo yemida ephilileyo emtshatweni uthi: “Umyeni wam uyakuthanda ukuya kwigalufa rhoqo ngeCawa kodwa ndiyakuthanda ukuya kwiklasi yam yeyoga.

“Sifumana ikhefu losuku olunye emsebenzini wethu, ngoko senza izinto esizithandayo njengabantu ababini kusasa size kamva ngokuhlwa senze oko sithanda ukukwenza njengesibini.” Ngaloo ndlela sobabini sonwabile yaye siphila ngolwalamano oluhle.Kubalulekile ukuba nemida yobuqu enjalo kulwalamano,” wongezelela.

7. Indawo ngomnye wemizekelo ebalulekileyo yemida yomntu

Kolu luhlu lwemida yobudlelwane, musa ukulibala malunga nendawo kunye nendlela enokuphucula ngayo ubudlelwane. Ukuba kunye ukunika indawo kubudlelwane ngomnye wemizekelo ebalulekileyo neyimfuneko yemida yobuqu kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Ukuthatha ixesha lokuba neengcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakho okanye ukwenza nje into yakho ngumzekelo womda osempilweni weemvakalelo wonke umntu kufuneka aziqhelanise nokuba kubudlelwane okanye ngenye indlela.

Isibini ngasinye sinemithetho yabo kunye nomgaqo omnye onjalo obonisa ngokugqibeleleyo oko imida enempilo kubudlelwane kufuneka ibonakale yenziwe nguMnu Big and Carrie Bradshaw kwiSini kunye neSixeko 2. UCarrie uthatha iintsuku ezimbini ukuya kwindlu yakhe endala ukugqiba amanqaku akhe kwaye bobabini banobusuku obuhle kamva ngaloo mini. UMnumzana Big ucinga ukwenza oko veki nganye, kuba ngokwenene uyayibona ingenelo yoko emtshatweni wakhe.

Uthi, "Kuthekani ukuba ndifumene indawo yam? Indawo nje endinokuya kuyo iintsuku ezimbini ngeveki, ndingqengqe, ndibukele umabonwakude, kwaye ndenze izinto endifuna ukuzenza ezikukhathazayo. Kwaye ngezinye iintsuku ezintlanu, bendiya kuba lapha ndifumaneke kwisidlo sangokuhlwa kunye nokukhazimla okanye nantoni na." Nangona uCarrie esithi asiyondlela esebenza ngayo imitshato leyo, uphendula ngokuthi, “Bendicinga ukuba sifanele sibhale eyethu imithetho.”

8. Imida yokomoya iyimfuneko kubudlelwane

Ungakholelwa kwizinto zomoya, okanye inkolo, okanye ube neyakho inkqubo yenkolo onokuthi ukholelwe kuyo ngokungagungqiyo. Kwaye iqabane lakho lingabelana okanye lingabelana ngazo nakancinci. Yiyo loo nto ukunxibelelana ngemeko yakho yokomoya kunye nokuhlonela uluvo lomnye komnye ngalo mbandela ngomnye wemizekelo ebalulekileyo yemida yomlomo emele ilandelwe zizibini. 

Kubalulekile ukuhloniphana, ukukhuthazana, ukukhuthazana nokufunda omnye komnye. Ingumzekelo womda ophilileyo. “Wonke umntu unelungelo lothixo wakhe, unqulo, inkqubo yenkolelo.” Nantoni na eqhelekile kwaye ingakuvumeli ukuba ubhabhe umke kwinto yokwenene yaye uye esihogweni ilungile ngokupheleleyo yaye yamkelekile. 

"Nantoni na into eqhelekileyo kufuneka yenziwe kunye okanye ngaphandle kokuthatha inxaxheba kweqabane lakho. Kufana nokuya kwindlu yangasese, kufuneka uyenze kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni na. Indlela oyenza ngayo, xa uyenza, kwaye apho uyenza khona, yonke into isigqibo sakho. Omnye uhlambulula umntu wakho wangaphandle, omnye uhlambulula umntu wakho wangaphakathi," kusho uGqr Bhonsle.

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9. Ukususa onke amandla angalunganga 

Imida yobuqu imizekelo kubudlelwane imiselwe omabini amaqabane. Xa unomsindo okanye unomsindo, thetha ngesimo sakho sengqondo kunye neqabane lakho kunokuba ugqabhuke kwaye uzise amandla angalunganga kubudlelwane. Ukuziqhelanisa nemizekelo enjalo yemida yeemvakalelo kuya kunceda ukuhambisa iimvakalelo zakho ngaphandle kobutyhefu. Uhlobo olufanelekileyo lwemida lunokunceda ukuthintela ukukhukula ngokweemvakalelo ndikubudlelwane.

UGqr. Bhonsle ucinga ukuba amandla angalunganga ayingozi kakhulu kubudlelwane obunempilo. "Xa elinye iqabane likhathazekile ngento ethile emsebenzini kodwa lifika ekhaya lithwele oko kuphazamiseka kwaye likukhuphe kwelinye, yonke into ejikeleze i-snowball. Kubalulekile ukusombulula imiba yakho, mhlawumbi ngoncedo lonyango okanye ukubeka nje iingcamango zakho ezinengqondo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantu baxhomekeke kwisimilo esingekho ngqiqweni, esinokuthi silahleke," utsho. 

Yiyo loo nto ukufunda ukujongana neemvakalelo zakho ezinzima ukuze zingakuthinteli kwibhondi yakho kuphakathi kwemizekelo ephilileyo yemida yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane. 

10. Ukunxibelelana nezinto ozilindele mihla le ngomnye wemida yokumisela kubudlelwane

"Sibambe itheko kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo kwindawo yethu. Emva kokuba zonke iindwendwe zihambile, bekukho ukungcola okuninzi okuza kucocwa. Andizange ndilinde kude kube ngentsasa elandelayo ukuba uncedo lwasekhaya luze lucoce njengoko ndine-OCD enzima kwaye ndifuna ukuba yenziwe yonke. Inkwenkwe yam iyayiqonda into endihamba ngayo, ngoko ke, sobabini sacoca indlu ngo-4: 30 ekuseni, umpheki we-27, u-27 Sush.

Kubalulekile ukuba nolwazelelelo kubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Ukuba ulala kancinci kwaye intshukumo yeqabane lakho iyakuvusa, nxibelelana ngokufanayo. Ukuba une-OCD kwaye awuzithandi izinto ezishiywe zimdaka, xelela iqabane lakho ngalo. Ukubandakanya imizekelo yemida yomlomo kubudlelwane bakho kuya kunceda ukuthintela izinto ezicaphukisayo ezincinci ukusuka kwikhephu ukuya kwiindawo ezibangela.

11. Imida yezesondo iyimfuneko 

Oku kuwela phantsi koluhlu ngalunye lwemizekelo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane obunabela kokubini kumanqanaba omzimba nawengqondo. Ubudlelwane obusondeleyo budlala indima enkulu kubudlelwane, kwaye yiyo loo nto ukunxibelelana ngeengcinga zesini, iminqweno, kunye nemida ibalulekile. Ukucinezela okanye ukukhohlisa omnye obalulekileyo ukuba enze izinto ezithile ngaphandle komxholo akukho mpilweni. Ukunyaniseka nokuba sesichengeni kuyimfuneko.

UGqr. Bhonsle ucacisa athi, “Amaphupha neminqweno ifanele kwabelwane ngayo phakathi kwamaqabane. Kodwa ukuba umyeni ufuna ukuba neentlobano zesini ezimpundwini yaye umfazi akafuni kuba nje enosulelo oluyimpundu yaye ebeka phambili yaye eyixabisile impilo yakhe kunolonwabo oludlulayo, ngoko ifanele ihlonelwe, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo. Ngapha koko, impilo ngumhlobo ongaze uphulukane nolwalamano lwakho. 

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12. Ukulawula ixesha kuphakathi kwemizekelo yemida 

Ulawulo lwexesha ngomnye wemizekelo engaphantsi kodwa ebalulekileyo yemida kubudlelwane. Nokuba uthandana okanye awukho, ukwazi ukuphatha ixesha lakho kuya kukuthatha indawo. Ukubambelela kwindlela yakho yemihla ngemihla okanye ukubonakalisa ethekweni, ukuba sexesheni kubonisa indlela ozihlonipha ngayo wena neqabane lakho.

"Xa izibini zisiza kunyango, sihlala sisebenzisa 'iyure yeZero' kwabo basokolayo ukwenza ixesha lamaqabane abo. Umbono kukukhulisa inqaku lokuba xa ukhupha ixesha kucwangciso lwakho oluxakekileyo lweqabane lakho, unika uthando, intlonipho, isidima kunye novelwano. Endaweni yokuskrola kwi-WhatsApp okanye ukubukela iividiyo ezithile kwi-Instagram, utshilo uGqr. Bhonsle.

13. Imida yezinto eziphathekayo kunye nemali

Izibini ezininzi zabelana ngezinto zazo, nokuba yimoto, indlu, okanye iakhawunti yebhanki edibeneyo. Kwelinye icala, nabo bafuna ukuzimela kuzo zonke iinkalo. Ukukhuphela ngaphandle iinkcukacha zokuba imali kunye nezinto eziphathekayo ziya kwahlulwa njani phakathi kwamaqabane omabini iba ngomnye wemizekelo ebalulekileyo yemida ephilileyo kubudlelwane. 

Imiba yemali inokonakalisa ulwalamano, yaye kungoko imida yezemali neyezinto eziphathekayo ifanele kuthethwa ngayo ngokusengqiqweni nangaphandle kokugculela okanye ukungahloneli omnye komnye. Lo ngomnye wemizekelo yemida yobuqu kubudlelwane akukho lula njengoko kubonakala.

14. Ukuba sesichengeni kuphakathi kwemizekelo yemida yeemvakalelo

Ukuba sesichengeni kuza ngokwendalo kuye wonke umntu, abanye abakubonisi kwaye abanye abakwazi ukubufihla. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ukukwazi ukuba sesichengeni kunye neqabane likabani ngaphandle kokuziva kunyanzelekile ukwenza oko kuphakathi kwemizekelo yemida yeemvakalelo ekufuneka zonke izibini zinqwenela. Kufuneka ukwazi ukukhetha ukuxoxa ngezinto ezithile ngexesha elithile ngaphandle kokuziva unyanzelekile ukuba wenze njalo. 

UGqr. Bhonsle uyachaza: “Ukuba kulwalamano kuthetha ukuba sengozini ngokweemvakalelo.Ufuna umntu osebenzisana naye, njengoko kubaluleke gqitha ukucel’ umngeni ingcamango yokuba sengozini.Kufuna abantu ababini ukuze babe nolwalamano oluphilileyo.Asikokumisa iindonga, koko kukuba ngubani onokunyuka aze akhwele kwelinye icala ukuze abone ukuba sesichengeni kweqabane lakho uze ulamkele ngothando nangokubathemba.”

15. Ukucela nokwamkela uncedo kuphakathi kwemizekelo yemida efanelekileyo emtshatweni

Ukucela kunye nokwamkela uncedo ngaphandle kokuzisa imithwalo ye iindima zesini zemveli kwi-equation ngumzekelo wemida yeemvakalelo enokuthi ibenobuqhophololo kunye nobumdaka. Yithi, iqabane lakho lizimele kwaye alithandi ukufuna uncedo ngemicimbi yosapho okanye umsebenzi wabo, ke makube njalo. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha banokufuna uncedo kuwe, kwaye kufuneka ukwazi ukuthetha ngayo ngokuphandle ngaphandle kokuba omnye wenu akhubeke. 

Omabini amaqabane afanele ancedisane ngemali, uthando, umsebenzi wasekhaya, nantoni na ubani ayidingayo kulwalamano oluphilileyo ngaphandle kokuzisa isini kwimeko.” Ukunika nokwamkela uncedo luphawu oluphambili lokuba kulwalamano oluphilileyo lweemvakalelo nokumisela imizekelo yemida ephilileyo emtshatweni,” watsho uGqr. Bhonsle.  

16. Ukunyaniseka kwimigaqo

Ukubambelela kwimigaqo yakho ngumda weemvakalelo ekufuneka uzibekele wona ukuze ukwazi ukuphumelela zombini njengomntu kunye nenxalenye yobudlelwane. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ngubani othandana naye, akufanele utshintshe ukuze uvumelane nabo okanye ukholiseke. Ewe, iqabane lakho lisenokuvula ingqondo yakho likwazise ngezimvo ezintsha, kodwa akufuneki likunyanzele ukuba wamkele okanye uthabathe ngenxa yokoyika ukuphulukana nalo. Utshintsho luyinto yendalo, kodwa yenze ngokwemiqathango yakho.

17. Thetha ngokwakho

"Ndikholelwa ukuba ukungaboni ngasonye kugquba phakathi kwabantu. Nokuba udibana nabani emhlabeni, akukho bantu babini bafana ngendlela abacinga ngayo. Xelela iqabane lakho ukuba nifuna ukuthethathethana ngembeko. Omnye wemida yomlomo imizekelo kwimeko iya kuba ukuba awuthandi ukuba baphakamise ilizwi ngelixa bethetha nawe okanye begxeka umama wakho, ubeke ukutya kwakho phambi kwakho kwaye ubeke ukutya kwakho phambi kwakho. akukho migaqo ingaqinisekanga. 

UGqr Bhonsle uthi: "Le mfuneko yokumisela lo mzekelo womda ivela kwindawo yokuzimela, ngoko ke, ayinakuphikiswa. Ufanelwe luthando, ububele nentlonipho. Ukuba iqabane lakho liqhula ngento yobuqu phambi kwabahlobo bakho okanye eyabo ocinga ukuba ayinambeko, lixelele ngayo.

Ukungabi naluvelwano kubudlelwane kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kwaye kufuneka kujongwane nazo kwangethuba. Iqala ngokuzoba umgca entlabathini malunga nokuba ungaphathwa njani okanye unganyangwa njani. Ukuba iqabane lakho lithetha izinto ezikhohlakeleyo nezimbi ngexesha lengxabano, namathela kuwe uze ucele uxolo. Yazi ukubaluleka kwakho.

18. Ukutshintsha ingqondo

“Xa sicinga ngebutho labantu esikhulele kulo, ngokuqhelekileyo siye sizame ukubeka amadoda ethu emanyathelweni size sinikele inkoliso yegunya lethu lokwenza izigqibo kubo, singaqondi nokuqaphela.” Ngenxa yoko, kwinkoliso yemitshato, sidla ngokubona abayeni bemisela imiqathango, yaye nantoni na ayithethayo iba sisigqibo sokugqibela, kungekho mfuneko ingako yokuqonda imida yokumisela kulwalamano.

UAnna Fernandez, (42) ongumcebisi uthi: “Nokuba umfazi ucinga ngenye indlela, uye amcenge ukuba atshintshe uluvo lwakhe okanye ngamanye amaxesha amabhinqa ahamba nje kuba engafuni ukucaphukisa iqabane lawo.

Izimvo zakho, izigqibo, ukhetho lwezakho zonke. Nguwe kuphela onokutshintsha ingqondo yakho ngezinto, ungavumeli iqabane lakho likwenze uzive unetyala ngalo. Kwimeko, utshintsha ingqondo yakho ngenxa yezizathu, unxibelelane kwaye ubeke umda weemvakalelo kubudlelwane.

19. Ukwabelana ngokulinganayo kukwangumzekelo wemida kubudlelwane

"Ukuba sesichengeni yimvakalelo yendalo sonke esiye sibe nayo amaxesha ngamaxesha. Amadoda amaninzi kubudlelwane akufumanisa kunzima ukuba sesichengeni phambi kwamaqabane awo kuba becinga ukuba kuya kubenza bangabi yindoda. Kwakhona ezi zizithethe nje zoluntu esizifaka ngaphakathi ekuhambeni kwexesha. Kodwa ndibona izibini eziselula kule mihla ziyophula le miqobo kwaye ziphuma neemvakalelo zabo kunye nokuba semngciphekweni uFernandez.

Ukuba sesichengeni licandelo kubudlelwane obunempilo, ukwenza isithuba wena neqabane lakho kubalulekile. Ungabelana xa uziva ufuna ukwabelana, kwaye uvumele iqabane lakho lonwabele ilungelo elifanayo. Ukujonga iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho kulungile kodwa musa ukutyhala okanye ukukhohlisa ukuze ukhuphe izinto kubo xa bengekakulungeli.

“Imida zizikhokelo kunye ulindelo esilubeke kubudlelwane. Imida inceda omabini amaqabane ukuba aqonde indlela yokuziphatha—yiyiphi ihambo eyamkelekileyo nengayi kunyanyezelwa,” utsho uSharon Martin, ingcali yonyango lwengqondo nokuxhomekeka kwimigaqo. 

Kuphando lwakhe, ucacisa ngakumbi ukuba imida ikwahlula umntu omnye komnye. Xa singenayo imida, sisenokonganyelwa ngabanye. Silahlekelwa yimvakalelo yethu yobuqu. Siba ngabakholisa abantu kwaye sigxile ekuhlangabezaneni nolindelo lwabanye abantu kunokuba sibe sithi. Yaye ukuba ubophelelekile, usenokungaqondi ukuba unelungelo lokuzenzela ukhetho okanye ukuzibekela imida.

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