Imvakalelo yokuba sothandweni ayifani nanye. Uphezu kwehlabathi. Yonke into ibonakala igqibelele. Sonke sifuna ukonwaba kwethu ngonaphakade. Sibeka ixesha kunye nomgudu wethu ekwenzeni ubudlelwane busebenze. Yaphula imithetho, yenza izinto esingazange sicinge ukuba singakwazi, sizikhuphe ngokupheleleyo kwindawo yethu yokuthuthuzela - konke ngenxa yothando. Ukanti, olunye ulwalamano luyaphela kungakhathaliseki ukuba sizama kangakanani na. Kwaye kukushiya uzibuza ukuba ungahlangabezana njani nokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo.
Ukwahlukana akukaze kube lula. Kodwa nangona ukwahlukana kunokuba buhlungu, kungcono kunokutsala ubudlelwane kudlule umhla wokuphelelwa kwawo. Ukubambelela kubudlelwane obungaphumeleliyo kukwenzakalisa nobabini kunye neqabane lakho. Ukuba omnye wenu akavuyi, ngoko akukho namnye kuni onokuvuya. Ngamanye amaxesha kungcono ukuba uyeke uzame ukuqhubela phambili.
Indlela yokwazi ukuba lixesha lokuba wohlukane nomntu omthandayo
Isiqulatho
Sonke sondliwa ithiyori 'uthando loyisa yonke imiqobo'. Kanye ukusuka kwii-sonnets zikaShakespeare ukuya kubaHLOBO, sixelelwa ngonaphakade ukuba sibambelele ekuthandeni. Kodwa nantsi into. Ezinye izinto azihlali ngonaphakade kwaye ukubamba uthando kusenokungasoloko iyeyona nto ilungileyo yokwenza. Ukukhula ngokwahlukeneyo yinyani kwaye ilungile.
Nangona kungekho nto ifana nobudlelwane obugqibeleleyo, zonke izibini zicinga ukuphelisa izinto ngexesha elinye ebomini babo. Ngokufuthi ngakumbi, bayakwazi ukuwusingatha lo mbandela baze bahlale kunye. Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho kungenakwenzeka ukwenza izinto zisebenze. Isenokungabi kukohlukana komsindo okanye ingqumbo. Mhlawumbi nina nobabini nigqibe ekubeni niqhawule umtshato, kodwa nisathandana. Asikuko ukuba uthando lulahlekile, kodwa intshiseko kunye nokuzinikela okwakukade kukho, kunjalo.
Xa ubudlelwane buyeka ukuba yinto ekuthuthuzelayo nekuxhasayo, kwaye mhlawumbi ide ijike ibe bubudlelwane obuyityhefu, lixesha lokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo. Uthando alufanele luvakalelwe njengomthwalo okanye into omele uyinyamezele. Ukuba kunjalo, ayiselulo uthando. Ngaba uyafuna ukuqonda ukuba ezinye iimpawu zokwahlukana zinokubonakala njani? Nazi ezimbalwa ekufuneka uzijonge.
Kutheni Wohlukana Nomntu Omthandayo?
Ubudlelwane buyindlela ezimbini apho amaqabane omabini kufuneka abeke umgudu wokuwenza usebenze. Oku kufuna ngaphezu kothando kunye namehlo aneenkwenkwezi - kufuna ukuzinikela nokuziqhelanisa. Oko akuvakali ngathi kuthandana kakhulu, enyanisweni, sivakala njengotitshala wakho wejimu, kodwa yinyani!
Nangona kunjalo, amaxesha amaninzi oko kuzinikela kunye nokuziqhelanisa akubonakali kufanelekile. Nto leyo inokwenza izinto zehle kwaye ngequbuliso ushiyeke uzibuza ukuba kutheni ukule relationship kwaphela. Nazi izizathu ezimbalwa ezinokukwenza ufune ukuhamba kubudlelwane bakho.
1. Iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga
KuMelanie noMichael, ngelixa yonke into yayibonakala igudile kumphezulu, kwakungekho mathandabuzo amancinane ngaphantsi. UMelanie wayengumntu ofuna ukuqinisekiswa ngokweemvakalelo. Wayefuna iintliziyo kunye neentyatyambo kunye nemiyalezo ebhaliweyo. UMichael, nangona wayemthanda, wayengabonisi kwaye yayimkhathaza ngakumbi kunokuba wayevuma. Kodwa, yayiyi-a isizathu esibambekayo sokuqhawula umtshato?
Kwakhona, kutheni unokuthi wohlukane nomntu omthandayo, ngakumbi xa uninzi lweentsuku, lubonakala lusebenza? Kodwa iimfuno zakho, nokuba zincinci kangakanani na, zibalulekile. Ufanelwe kukuzaliseka kubudlelwane bakho. Mhlawumbi uzame ukuthetha neqabane lakho, kodwa abafumani, okanye ubuntu babo bunjalo kangangokuba abanako ukutshintsha. Ukuba kunjalo kusenokuba lixesha lokuba sihambe.
2. Xa uthando luqala ukuziva ngathi luxanduva
Ukuba iminqweno yakho kunye namaphupha badla ukuthatha backseat eluthandweni, kwaye iimfuno lover yakho ziphambili phezulu, unokufuna ukucinga kwakhona olu budlelwane. Kukwenza wonwabe ukwenza eyona incinci izijekulo zothando ngenxa yesithandwa sakho. Awunakumela ukuba kude ixesha elide. Ufuna ukuthetha nabo, udibane nabo, ube nabo kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Kodwa xa ezi zinto ziqala ukuziva ziluxanduva, ulwalamano lwenu luba semngciphekweni.
Okubi nakakhulu, ukuba iqabane lakho liqala ukulindela ukuba ubeke iimfuno zabo ngaphezu kweyakho ngamaxesha onke, ngokuqinisekileyo yiflegi ebomvu akufanele uyihoye.
Uninzi lwabantu luthandana nombono wokuba sothandweni. Kodwa imvakalelo ebuhlungu enikelwa luthando kwiinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala idla ngokuphela ngokuhamba kwexesha. Kwaye kungekudala, umntu wenziwa ukuba abhekane neenyani ezicacileyo zobudlelwane obunzima. Kulapho ubuqabane bungena khona. Kwaye xa kunye nenkampani yomntu ivakalelwa njengomsebenzi, ibali lakho lothando ngokuqinisekileyo liza kuphela.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokuLumkela uBudlelwane beeFlegi eziBomvu-Ingcaphephe iyakuxelela
3. Ukuxhatshazwa luphawu lokuba lixesha lokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo
Kulucelomngeni ukuba umntu aphume kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo. Ngexesha uxhatshazo olululo luqala, umxhaphazi sele efumene ulawulo lwengqondo yexhoba kwaye ixhoba lifumanisa ukuba akunakwenzeka ukuba lihambe. Okanye okubi ngakumbi, ixhoba likholelwa ngokuqinileyo ukuba lifanelwe lolu nyango, ukuba olu luthando ngokwenene.
Kwanasemva kokuba umntu ephumile kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo, kuba nzima ukuba amkele oko kwenzekileyo. Basenokusokola ngendlela yokumelana nokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo. Funa iingcebiso zobungcali ukuba unjalo ukuziva ungento yanto emva kokwahlukana. Kwaye uzinike ixesha lokuphilisa.
Akhonto ibethayo apha etyholweni. Ukuba kuyenzeka ube kubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo, kukulungele ukuphelisa ubudlelwane. Ukuxhatshazwa akuchaphazeli nje wena ngokwasemzimbeni kodwa nangokwengqondo. Itya umntu wakho kude kushiyeke isithunzi nje sobuntu bakho. Hamba, ufanelwe ngcono.
4. Uqalile ukukhukuliseka
Ninokuhlala kunye phantsi kophahla olufanayo, kodwa nisenokuba ziikhilomitha ukusuka komnye nomnye. Ngokufuthi kwiminyaka embalwa kamva, xa ixesha leholide yasemva komtshato lidlulile, kuye kubekho ukuncipha konxibelelwano nemigudu efunekayo yokugcina intlantsi iphila. Oku kubangela umgama ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, uye wahlukana ngokupheleleyo. Kulapho kusenokufuneka nijamelane nemeko yendlela yokuqhawula umtshato xa nihlala kunye okanye benihlalisana kangangexesha elithile.
Rhoqo, isibini esikwi a ubudlelwane bomgama omde inokukhula ngaphandle nangona nithandana. Ukwahlukana xa usathandana, kodwa kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo kunokuba yingxaki.
Amaxesha amaninzi, ezi meko zinokulungiswa. Kodwa mhlawumbi uzame ukusebenza kulo mba kwaye akukho mpendulo evela kumlingane wakho. Okanye unokuba usebenza kuyo, kodwa awuboni mahluko kwaye awukwazi nje ukuvala umgama phakathi kwenu nobabini. Kule meko, lixesha lokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo. Kubuhlungu, kodwa mhlawumbi yinto efanelekileyo yokwenza.
5. Utshintshe kakhulu kubo
Utshintsho alunakuphepheka njengomntu. Njengoko ukhula, ukhula kwaye ukhula ngokwahlukileyo. Ubudlelwane nabo bunegalelo elikhulu ekukhuleni kwethu ngokobuqu. Uthando lusenza sifune ukuba ngabantu abangcono kumaqabane ethu. Ngapha koko, bafanelwe okona kulungileyo kwaye sizama ngamandla ukubanika oko.
Nangona kunjalo, xa utshintshela kwinqanaba lokuba awusaziboni, yonke into iqala ukuziva incinci. Oku kunokuba yenye ye iimpawu zobudlelwane obungenampilo. Nangona kulungile ukukhula, kubalulekile ukuthandwa ngenxa yokuba ungubani ngaphakathi. Iimpawu zakho kunye neempawu zakho zenza umxholo wakho. Nantso ke into ekwenza ube mhle.
Abantu bafana neebhanti ezilastiki. Banokwelula kuphela ukuya kwinqanaba, emva koko baphule okanye bakhuphe i-snapback. Ukuba uziva ngathi utshintshe kakhulu kwaye utshintsho alukwenzi wonwabe, lixesha lokutshintsha isimo sakho sobudlelwane. Ngokucacileyo, olu lwalamano alulunganga kuwe.
6 Ningabantu ababini abahluke kakhulu
Ukuba uyakholelwa kwisayensi kwaye iqabane lakho likholelwa kumagqwirha, amathuba okuba ubudlelwane abuyi kuhlala ixesha elide. Umahluko wenza ubudlelwane bethu bube spicier, akukho mathandabuzo ngako. Kodwa kusafuneka kubekho isiseko esivumelanayo. Ukuba amaxabiso akho angundoqo awafani okanye ayafana, kuya kubangela iingxabano ezininzi kwixesha elizayo.
Izinto esizixabisayo zizinto esikhula ngazo kwaye sizifake kubuntu bethu. Bakwenze lamntu unguye namhlanje. Ukwahlukana xa usathandana kodwa kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo kunzima, ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo, kodwa akulunganga ukucela umntu ukuba alahle amaxabiso abo aphambili kuwe. Kufuneka namkele omnye komnye njengoko ninguye.
Iindlela ezili-9 zokuhlangabezana nokohlukana nomntu omthandayo
Siza kuthetha kwakhona, ukuhlukana kunzima kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni isizathu. Inokuba kungenxa yokuba iqabane lakho ukuqhathile kuwe okanye ngenxa yokuba umgama udale umsantsa kubudlelwane. Okanye kusenokwenzeka ukuba nisathandana, kodwa waqonda ukuba anidalelwanga ukuba nibe njalo. Enoba siyintoni na isizathu, ukwahlukana yeyona nto imbi umntu anokujamelana nayo.
Ukwahlukana kunokukushiya uziva unxunguphele, ubambe iindiza kwaye uzibuza ukuba ungasinda njani kwiintlungu ezibuhlungu zentliziyo. Ukungazithembi kuyangena kwaye i-loop engapheliyo yeenkumbulo, amaphupha, kunye nezinto ezinokwenzeka ziba nzima.
Ke ukuba ngequbuliso uziva ungento yanto emva kokwahlukana, ufike kwindawo elungileyo. Sidibanise iphakheji encinci yokhathalelo yezinto ezili-9 onokuzenza ukuze unciphise intlungu kwaye uphilise kolu tshintsho.
1. Yohlukana kodwa kusebuhlungu? Lixesha lokuba ujongane neemvakalelo zakho
Kwilinge lokuphelisa ukwahlukana xa nisathandana, nisenokuzama ukuzicinezela iimvakalelo zenu. Akuncedi ukungayihoyi le nto intliziyo yakho izama ukukuxelela yona. Iimvakalelo ezicinezelweyo azipheli, azinakuze ziphele. Zisenokugqabhuka ngelona xesha lingafanelekanga. Awufuni kunyibilika kwindawo ethengisa i-ayisikrimu kuba ziphelelwe zizitshizi.
Endaweni yoko, zinike ixesha lokujonga indlela oziva ngayo. Chonga uvakalelo ngalunye ngalunye, luvume, kwaye usebenzele ukufikelela kuzo. Nahlukana kodwa kusebuhlungu nangoku. Yinto eqhelekileyo leyo. Zama ukuhamba kancinci kwaye uzinzile kwaye ekugqibeleni, uya kufunda ukuba wedwa kwakhona.
UkuFunda okudibeneyo: UngaQhubela Njani Ngaphandle Kokuvalwa? Iindlela ezi-8 zokukunceda uphile
2. Ukwahlukana kodwa nisathandana? Ayilotyala lakho
Ukwahlukana kwenzeka rhoqo kunokuba ucinga. Ngelixa ngamanye amaxesha iba yimfuneko, ngamanye amaxesha iba yimfuneko. Ngokufuthi, kule meko, siphela sizigxeka. Ngaba ndandifuna kakhulu? Ngaba bekufanele ukuba ndiye ndalalanisa ngakumbi? Ndingumfana onomona?
Phantsi kweemeko ezinjalo, ukuba nigqibe ekubeni niqhawule umtshato kodwa nithandane kakhulu, musani ukuzibeka ityala. Ngamanye amaxesha akunakwenzeka ukugcina ubudlelwane.
Indlela yokumelana nokwahlukana nomntu omthandayo? Thetha omnye nomnye kwaye niqonde indlela yokulawula ukuhlukana kunye nentliziyo. Xoxani malunga nokuba yintoni eya kuba ngcono, ukuqhawula ngokupheleleyo ubudlelwane, okanye ukuba ngabahlobo kwaye nincede omnye nomnye ukuba aphumelele ukuhlukana xa nisathandana. Kwaye khumbula, ngamanye amaxesha ngokwenene akukho tyala lamntu.
3. Ngaphandle kwamehlo, ngaphandle kwengqondo
Akunakwenzeka ukuba uhlukane nothando lobomi bakho. Kunzima kabini ukubalibala. Ubucinga ukuba unento entle kwaye uzame ukubamba zonke iinkumbulo ezimnandi. Kukho iingoma enizimamele kunye, kunye nendlela awayesoloko egcina ngayo iiflakes zetshili ezongezelelweyo kwisilayi sakho sepitsa.
Zonke ezi zibangela zintle zikukhumbuza ngento owawunayo kwaye uphulukene nayo yiyo loo nto uziva ngathi wohlukene kodwa kusebuhlungu. Kungcono ukuphepha zonke izinto ezinokubangela inkumbulo yomntu owahlukene naye. Zifake ebhokisini. Beka ibhokisi kwigumbi elingaphantsi kwaye utshixe igumbi elingaphantsi. (Ngethemba, isikhukula sangaphantsi.) Ukuba nezikhumbuzo rhoqo zobudlelwane kuya kwenza inkqubo ye ukuqhubeka ixesha elide.
4. Fumana inkqubo yenkxaso ukukunceda ukuba uqhubele phambili
Emva kokuba uCathy noAlex bahlukene, uCathy wafumanisa ukuba ukuba yedwa kwindawo ababehlala kuyo kwakumkhathaza gqitha. Ezimisele ukuqhubeka, waya kubahlobo bakhe waza wacela ukuhlala nabo iintsuku ezimbalwa. Kwakhona waqala ukuphuma ngakumbi kwaye wade wacwangcisa uhambo olumnandi lwendlela kunye nabazali bakhe.
Ukuba nenkqubo yenkxaso ngexesha elinjalo kunceda kakhulu. Hlala nabazali bakho iintsuku ezimbalwa. Qhagamshelana nabahlobo bakho kwaye uchithe ixesha kunye nabo. Awunakuphumela ngaphandle ngokukhululekileyo phambi kwabo, kodwa baya kukuthuthuzela, bakuthuthuzele kwaye bakuncede ubuyele esiqhelweni. Okanye ubuncinci ubuyele kwinqanaba elisebenzayo.
Abahlobo bakho kunye nosapho bayakuqonda kwaye bayazi kakuhle indlela yokungena kwinkungu yosizi ozivayo. Bavumele bakusonge ngengubo enkulu, epholileyo yothando.
UkuFunda okudibeneyo :Indlela Yokuchitha Ukwahlukana Wedwa?
5. Ukuzithanda ukufumana phezu kokwahlukana xa nisathandana
Akukho nto ifana nokugxila kuwe ukuze uncede ukuphelisa ukwahlukana. Zithathele kwimihla. Ziphathe ngesihlangu esitsha okanye ungene nje kwibhafu ende yeqamza.
Sebenza kwinto obusoloko ufuna ukuyenza. Mhlawumbi ufuna ukuphucula izakhono zakho zokufota. Okanye ufunde ijet-ski!
Oku kuya kusebenza njengesiphazamiso kwaye kukuyekise ukuba ungagxininisi ngenxa yokwahlukana. Udla ngokuncama kakhulu kubudlelwane. Ngoku lixesha elincinci ukuzithanda.
6. Ukwahlukana nothando lobomi bakho? Yenza uludwe
Yenza uluhlu lwazo zonke izinto obuzithandayo malunga nobudlelwane bakho kwaye wenze uluhlu lwazo zonke izinto ezingalunganga ngalo. Kuya kuba nzima ekuqaleni, kodwa kuhle ekuhambeni kwexesha. Njengoko ubhala kwaye ukhumbula iinkumbulo, kuya kukunceda ubone ubuhle bento obunayo, kodwa nokuba kutheni uyifuna ukuba iphele.
Ngexesha ufika esiphelweni soluhlu, kuya kubonakala kuwe ukuba kutheni nahlukane kwasekuqaleni. Eli qhinga liya kukunceda ukuba uqhube kakuhle iimvakalelo zakho kwaye kukuyekise ukuziva ungenanto emva kokuhlukana.
7. Ukuqhawula umtshato xa nisathandana kodwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo? Musa ukukhumbula
Phula iinyembezi ezininzi njengoko kufuneka, ukuze uzive ngcono emva kwesiqendu. Phuma kunye nesiphango malunga nokuba uyafuna. Yenza nantoni na onayo ukuyikhupha kwinkqubo yakho kwaye ujongane nayo. Thatha ixesha lakho ukuze uphilise, kodwa musa ukuzibamba kwintlungu yakho. Sukuqhuba ngabom kwezo ndlela zindala ukuze uzive umbi. Ukuzisola ixesha elide kukuzitshabalalisa. Ukuba ucinga ukuba kuthatha ixesha elide, funa uncedo lwengcali.
Ukubukela iividiyo zenu nobabini, nijonge imifanekiso, ngokuphindaphindiweyo, kuya kulibazisa kuphela inkqubo yokuphilisa kwaye nilungise yonke inkqubela eniyenzileyo ukuza kuthi ga ngoku. Funda ixesha lokukhulula.
Ukwahlukana xa nisathandana kodwa kwiindlela ezahlukeneyo yeyona nto inzima. Kuba uthando olusentliziyweni yakho lukwenza ufune ukubuyela kubo. Kodwa khumbula ukuba uthathe esi sigqibo ngesizathu kwaye uhambe.
UkuFunda okuFanayo:Amanyathelo asi-5 okuqinisekisa ukuvala emva kokwahlukana-Ngaba uyazilandela ezi?
8. Musa ukunxibelelana nabo
Siyazi, siyazi, oku kuhamba kulo lonke uqhekeko kwaye kufanele kube yinto ecacileyo. Kodwa ekubeni singabantu kwaye uthando lusenza sonke sibe zizidenge, siyaphinda sikuxelela: Musa ukufowuna okanye uthumele loo mbhalo 'umsulwa'.
Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukukhumbula umntu emva kokwahlukana, ngakumbi ukuba ngumntu osamthanda. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule esona sizathu sokuba nahlukane kwaye ulandele akukho mgaqo woqhagamshelwano ngokonqulo.
Nangona unokufuna ukubuyelana, khumbula ukuba sele wenze konke onako ukugcina ubudlelwane kwaye akukho nto unokuyenza ngayo. Ukunxibelelana ngokukhawuleza emva kokwahlukana kwenza kube buhlungu ngakumbi kwaye kudideke. Zigcine.
9 Nale nto iya kudlula...
Ukwahlukana nothando lobomi bakho kunokudandathekisa kakhulu. Kwaye nangona kunokuba nzima ukukholelwa, ixesha liphilisa onke amanxeba. Le ntlungu yentliziyo oyivayo ngoku iya kuthi shwaka ekuhambeni kwexesha. Kwaye kungekudala, uya kuqala ukuziva njengawe kwakhona kwaye ujabulele ukuba ngokonwaba single!
Khumbula, kukho ubomi obungaphaya kweentlungu kunye nokungaqiniseki kolu qhawulo-mtshato. Bambelela apho. Zinike ixesha lokuphilisa. Nokuba kubi kangakanani na, nyamezela. Ekuqaleni, uya kuhlala ucinga ngayo. Kodwa emva kwexesha elithile, uya kuqaphela ukuba ukuphindaphinda kweengcinga kuncitshiswe kakhulu.
Xa ukwazi ukukhumbula iinkumbulo zobudlelwane bakho kunye neqabane lakho ngaphandle kwentlungu, kwaye mhlawumbi nokumomotheka, uya kuqonda ukuba uqhubekile. Iya kuhlala ikrakra, kodwa ekugqibeleni uya kuba uyenzile.
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Izinto ezingama-20 ezonwabileyo ekufuneka zenziwe emva kokwahlukana!
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
