Xa intliziyo ebuhlungu kunye nobusuku bokungalali buba nzima kakhulu ukuba ungabuphatha, intliziyo yakho ebuhlungu inokukukholisa ukuba ubuyelane kunye ne-ex yakho. Ukubeka ecaleni umkhukula wemibuzo kunye namathandabuzo okuba esi sigqibo siza kunye naso, izigaba zokubuyelana nomntu owayesakuba ngumfazi zihlala zikhohlisa.
Imibuzo esisigidi iza ngokukhawuleza engqondweni yakho, "Ngaba ukubuyela kunye emva kokwahlukana licebo elilungileyo?", "Ngaba inokwenzeka?", "Ngaba ndiyenze?" Ngelixa iimpendulo zimbalwa kwaye ziphakathi, ekuphela kwento oyaziyo kukuba ufuna ukuziva uthandwa kwakhona.
Yintoni eya kuzisa intlungu yakho yintoni eya kuphelisa, kwaye akukho nto ibonakala ngathi iyinqambi engcono kuneengalo zomntu oye wambiza iqabane lakho, ezibophe ngokuqinileyo kuwe. Makhe sijonge izigaba zokubuyela kunye ne-ex, kwaye ingaba kufuneka uyenze kwasekuqaleni okanye hayi.
Wazi njani ukuba kufuneka ubuyele kunye ne-Ex?
Isiqulatho
Nangona kusenokubonakala ngathi ufuna ex yakho emva ebomini bakho kanye ngalo mzuzu kakhulu, ngaba uqinisekile ukuba luluvo olulungileyo ukuphishekela ubudlelwane eyakhokelela kuyo yonke le ntlungu? Ngapha koko, kufanele ukuba iphelile ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi ngokwaneleyo ukuba ziqinisekise ukwahlukana.
Ngaphezu koko, amanqanaba okubuyela kunye nomntu owayethandana naye azisa isiphithiphithi sabo kunye namahla ndinyuka, njengoko uza kufumanisa kungekudala. Ayilohambo lulula kakhulu emhlabeni ukuba luqale, ke musa ukuphefumlelwa zizo zonke ezo ngoma zikaTaylor Swift.
Ukuba bekukho imithetho yokubuyelana nomntu othandana naye, eyokuqala iya kuba kukushiya iimvakalelo zakho zokuthatheka kwaye ucinge ngengqondo ecacileyo. Awufuni ukuntywila kuqala kwenye ubudlelwane obunetyhefu kuphela ukukhangela ukuvalwa rhoqo kunye nokungavinjwa kumajelo asekuhlaleni.
Yiloo nto kanye eyenzekayo kuKayla, ababuyelana emva kokwahlukana nesithandwa sakhe, uCaleb. Ingxaki nje kukuba, bakwenza oko ngaphambi kwexesha, bezama ukunqwenela zonke iingxaki zabo kunokuba bathethe ngazo. Xa uthando lokuqala "lokuqalisa kwakhona" ubudlelwane lwaphela emva kweeveki ezimbini, iingxabano eziqhelekileyo zaphinda zavela, zibangela iingxaki ezifanayo kwakhona.
UKayla wathi: “Ekuqaleni, ukubuyelana neqabane lam elandilahlayo kwakubonakala ngathi licebo eligqibeleleyo kwasekuqaleni. Wongeze wathi, "Sahlukana ngenxa yeengxaki zakhe zokuthembana kunye nomona. Ngendazile bhetele kunokuba wayesithi unokunqanda oko. Kwamthatha iiveki ezimbalwa ukuba aphinde aqhube phakathi kwethu. Kuphela kwesi sihlandlo, kwaba buhlungu ngandlela-thile."
Ngelixa ucinga ukuba wena kufuneka babuyelene kunye ne ex okanye hayi, kufuneka ube nencoko enyanisekileyo nawe. Zama ukuqonda ukuba ngaba ukuxolelana nomntu owayesakuba sisigqibo esizinzileyo, endaweni yokukunika uvuyo okwangoku. Ngaba uya kukwazi ukuyithatha kancinci kunye nowayesakuba yisoka okanye intombi yakho, okanye uhendeke kakhulu ukuba utsibe ngeenyawo zombini, wonzakala kwiindawo ezifanayo othe watsibela kuzo? Thatha umzuzwana ucinge ngayo yonke kwaye uqwalasele la manqaku alandelayo:
1. Kwakutheni ukuze ubuhlobo buphele?
Ukuba bekukho umbuzo omnye olungileyo oye wagqiba ukuba babuyelane emva kokwahlukana nowangaphambili ngumbono olungileyo okanye hayi, ngulo. Ngaba yayikukungathembeki? Ngaba yayingumona? Okanye kungenxa yokuba awukwazi ukumelana neBO yakhe?
Ukuba ibiyinto engaphezulu njengeyokugqibela, kukho sonke isizathu emhlabeni sokuxolelana. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ibingomnye wemiba enzulu ngakumbi njengokungathembeki okanye imiba yokuthembana, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba nobabini nisebenze kwiingxaki phambi kokuba niqale ukuya naphi na kufutshane nezigaba zokubuyela kunye nowangaphambili.
Ukungasebenzi kwiingxaki ezidlulileyo kunye nokungena kuxolelwaniso kufana nabahlali baseChernobyl ababuyela kuhlala apho kuba "iyavakala ezahlukeneyo, uyazi?"
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2. Ngaba ufuna i-ex yakho ibuye?
Ngaba yayiyintabatheko okanye uthandana ngokwenene? Uyakuthanda ukubasemathandweni okanye unefeelings nyani lomntu? Ngaba ucinga ngokubuyela kunye ne-ex kuba bejongeka bebahle kumabali akho e-Instagram?
Kuyavunywa ukuba, le yokugqibela isenokungabi ngunobangela obangela iimeko ezininzi, kodwa umbuzo uhlala ufana. Uya ngempela uyakufuna oku, okanye ngaba uye waziqinisekisa ukuba uyafuna? Khangela ukuba ubunjalo uthabathekile okanye usemathandweni. Kwiimeko ezininzi, sele uyazi ukuba uthandana nje ingcamango yokuba eluthandweni, okanye ukuba eneneni ngokwenene uneemvakalelo ukuba umntu wakhula kufutshane kakhulu.
Cinga ngako: ngaba (ex) iqabane lakho ngumntu onokuba ngumhlobo naye? Ngaba uzibona ubuthanda ubuntu babo, indlela abayiyo, okanye uzibona unothando (funda: ulahlekile) i-cuddles kunye nezinto ezintle? Nokuba ubuyelana nomntu owayesakuba ngumlingane okanye umntu obunaye iinyanga ezimbalwa, kubalulekile ukuvavanya into oyikhumbulayo ngakumbi: ubudlelwane, okanye umntu obuthandana naye?
3. Ngaba ex yakho ifuna umva?
Ngaba owakho wangaphambili uthe, "Ewe, kulungile, ndiyaqikelela ukuba singazama," okanye ngaba bakuthanda kakhulu njengoko unjalo kunye nabo? Awunako ngokwenene ukuya ngokusebenzisa izigaba yokufumana umva kunye ex ukuba ex yakho akafuni ukubeka kuyo nayiphi na imizamo.
Ukwabelana ngesondo emva kokwahlukana kunokuvuselela uthando olulahlekileyo kuwe, kodwa kunokuba bubusuku bokuzisola nge-ex yakho. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba izinto azikho nzima emva kokubuyelana, qiniseka ukuba nifunana ngendlela efanayo. Ingakumbi ukuba uzama ukuqalisa uxolelwaniso emva kokuba ungakhange uqhagamshelane.
4. Ngaba i-dynamics yahlukile?
Omnye weyona migaqo mikhulu yokubuyela kunye kunye ne-ex kukuqhubeka kuphela ukuba kukho utshintsho olukhulu oluvela kwi ubudlelwane obungenampilo oko kwakhokelela ekwahlukaneni.
Ukuba uyazibuza izinto ezifana, "Ngaba ndibuyelane kunye ne-ex yam?", kubalulekile ukujonga indlela eniceba ngayo nobabini ngaphambi kokuba nithathe amanye amanyathelo.
Ubudlelwane akufunekanga buzive budiniwe kwaye ixesha olichitha neqabane lakho kufuneka uzive ngathi lixesha elixabisekileyo elenza wonwabe. Akufunekanga ikwenze unqwenele ukuba ubumbakraza ucango kwaye uqalise ukuhamba kwelinye icala kude nabo.
5. Ingaba kusekho inzondo okanye senixolelene?
Ukwahlukana kunzima. Kwezinye iindaba, amanzi amanzi. Wonke umntu utyhola omnye umntu ngokwahlukana kwaye umdlalo wokutyholana awupheli ngaphandle kokuba kukho imvakalelo ekwabelwana ngayo yoxanduva kunye nokukhula okubonakalayo okuphunyeziweyo.
I-FYI, awuphumeleli #ukukhula ngokuthumela malunga nayo okanye uziphathe ngosuku lwe-spa. I ukungaxoleli kwaye ukuqonda kuya kubonakala ngokucacileyo xa ngosuku lokuqala lokubuyelana, uxelela abahlobo bakho, "Ndibuyele kunye ne-ex yam, kodwa ukude!"
Ukuba uwathathele ingqalelo la manqaku angasentla kwaye wagqiba ekubeni ngoku lixesha lokuzama ukuya kwinqanaba lokubuyelana nomntu owayethandana naye, silapha ukukunceda wazi ukuba ulindele ntoni.
Izigaba ezisi-7 zokubuyela kunye ne-Ex
Ke, uthathe isigqibo sokuba awuzukubuyelana nje emva kokuqhekeka ukuze uthintele intlungu, kodwa ngenxa yokuba uyamthanda u-ex wakho kwaye ufuna ukuyinika enye indlela. Yehla njani yonke? Uyithatha njani kancinci xa ubuyelana ne ex? Ufanele ulindele ntoni?
“Xa ndandibuyelana ne ex yam eyandilahlayo, ndandingazi nokuba ndandifanele ndilindele ukuxakaniseka okanye ukuthanda ngokugqithiseleyo, njengokuba sasikhe sabelana.” Okwalandelayo kwakuvakala kungaqhelekanga, yaye okwethutyana apho kwabonakala ngathi wayengenamdla njengokuba ndandinjalo kuxolelwaniso emva kokuba singadibananga,” watsho uMatthew.
“Ukubuyelana emva kokwahlukana kwahluke kakhulu entlokweni yakho kunokuba kunjalo ngokwenene.Awuyazi into eqhubeka entlokweni yeqabane lakho.Ngeliphandle, ndandingazi nokuba kuqhubeka ntoni kum.Ekugqibeleni, izinto zabonakala zihamba kakuhle emva kokuba simisele imida nemigaqo emitsha,” uyongezelela.
Nazi izigaba ezisi-7 onokuthi uhambe kuzo, ukuze ube nombono olungileyo wokuba esi sahluko se-rom-com yakho siphela njani. Uxolo ngabaphangi, ndiyaqikelela?
1. Inqanaba lokuqala lokubuyela kunye nowangaphambili: akukho mnxibelelwano
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba kwasekuqaleni kangakanani na emva kokwahlukana wenze ingqondo yakho malunga nokufuna ukubuyela kwi-ex yakho, kuhlala kukho ixesha lokungabikho koqhagamshelwano. Iimvakalelo ezimdaka odlula kuzo azinakukwazi ukujongana nazo ukuba usanxibelelana nomntu wakho.
Ukuba awukho kwi ubudlelwane karmic okanye intshukumo eyityhefu ngokwendalo, uya kuchitha ixesha ngaphandle emva kokwahlukana ukujongana nobugqwirha obuqhubekayo entlokweni yakho. Emva kweeseshini ezimbalwa zokuzihlola kunye ne-LOT yokuthetha ngefowuni kunye nabahlobo bakho, unokuqonda ukuba ufuna ukuxolelana.
Kudla ngokuba ngexesha lenqanaba lokungaqhagamshelwa apho abantu abaninzi baqonda ukuba imiba ababenayo iyalungiseka, kwaye bangathanda ukudlula kwizigaba zokubuyela kunye nowangaphambili. Isigqibo sokubuyelana emva kokwahlukana asithathwanga ngosuku, ngokuqhelekileyo iiveki ezimbalwa zokuxubusha (funda: ukucaphukisa abahlobo bakho).
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2. Ngaba singakwazi? Ngaba besiya kwenjenjalo? Ngaba sifanele?
Ngoku ekubeni ugqibe ekubeni uqalise kolu hambo lokubuyelana emva kokwahlukana, imibuzo eyahlukileyo iza ngokukhawuleza kuwe. Ncwina...ayeki tu, akunjalo?
"Ngaba kuya kuba nzima emva kokubuyelana?", "Ungayithatha njani kancinci xa ubuyelana ne-ex?" "Ngaba usawuthanda uMdlalo weTrone okanye yayibubuxoki obo?" Kungenzeka ukuba uqale ukuthandabuza yonke into ngeli nqanaba loqhagamshelwano lokuqala, kodwa oko kulindeleke.
Ukuba ubuyelana nomntu owayesakuba ngumyeni, oko kusesichengeni kunokwanela ukukothusa. Kuba uzinikele kakhulu kulo mntu ixesha elide, ukuziva ulumkile ngaphambi kokuba utyale imali kuye kwakhona kuyinto yendalo. Nangona unokuziqinisekisa ukuba uza kuyithatha kancinci kunye nesoka lakho langaphambili okanye intombi, ayisoloko isebenza ngaloo ndlela. Ngenxa yoko, isantya siye soyikeka.
Siyoyika into engaziwayo, kwaye xa izithembiso ezingaziwayo zihamba enye ngeyona ndlela eyaziwayo-apha, uthando ebesikhe sacinga ukuba iya kuba yindawo yethu yokugqibela-ukuzama ukuyivuselela kuya kubangela ixhala. Kuzo zonke izigaba zokubuyela kunye ne-ex, le inokuba yeyona nto ibangela ukuxhalaba.
3. “Ndingambiza ngokuba ‘ngumntwana’ okwangoku?”
Xa uqhagamshelwano lusekiwe kwaye nizama nobabini ngoku yenza uqhagamshelwano kwakhona ukuzama ukubuyela ebunzimeni bezinto, iintsuku zakuqala zinokuba nzima. Uzakuba nembeko kakhulu kuba ingxabano ngoku isisigwebo sentambo kwaye awuqinisekanga ncam ukuba ukhululeke kangakanani na.
Okwangoku, unokuba urhawuzelelwa ukubabiza zonke izinto ezintle owakhe wazenza, kodwa awuqinisekanga ukuba baziva ngale ndlela uziva ngayo kunye nokuba zomelele kangakanani na iimvakalelo zabo. Sicebisa ukuba uwavavanye amanzi ngokuwathumelela iifoto ezintle zenu nobabini ukusuka ngexesha nanikunye kwaye nilinde indlela abasabela ngayo ukuze ungatsibe umpu kwaye ugqibe kwelokuba “ndibuyile ne ex yam kodwa ukude!”
4. Umhla wokuqala emva kokuhlukana
Ngoku kufika ixesha lomhla wakho wokuqala ofanelekileyo emva kokuba nobabini nigqibe ekubeni nibuyelane. Ungaphela uziva usoyika, kanye njengokuba usenza phambi kwenkcazo-ntetho enkulu kumsebenzi omtsha, kodwa ngandlela ithile usenemvakalelo ehlekisayo yokuba yonke into izakulunga.
Nje ukuba ubone iqabane lakho likuncumele, lilindele ukukwanga, uchulumanco lwala mava onke lukubetha kanyekanye. Njengothotho lwee-flashbacks ze-déjà vu ezikwenza uqonde ukuba kutheni uthande le mvakalelo, kunye nalo mntu, kakhulu. Ngeli nqanaba, naziphi na iingcinga ezidlulayo engqondweni yakho, "Ngaba ndingabuyelana ne-ex yam?" ulele, kwaye uqinisekile ukuba wenze isigqibo esifanelekileyo.
Nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka ulumke ungavumeli ulindelo kunye ne-nostalgia ilawule into oziva ngayo ngelixa uxoxisana nomntu owayethandana naye. Kuba nina nobabini ngoku ningabantu abohlukeneyo, izinto eziguqukayo kufuneka zitshintshe nazo.
5. Izinto zivakala zimnandi, kwaye iyoyikeka loo nto
Izigaba zokubuyela kunye kunye ne-ex zihluke kwizigaba eziqhelekileyo ze ndiwa emathandweni. Xa izinto zivakala ngathi zihamba kakuhle, uku-cloud nine. Nangona kunjalo, xa izinto zihamba kakuhle ngelixa nibuyelana emva kokwahlukana, kunokuziva kubuhlungu.
Ngelixa ezinye izinto zinokuvakala zimnandi, kusenokuvakala ngathi uhamba phezu kwamaqokobhe eqanda ngalo mzuzu kuvela ingxabano. Nobabini niyoyika ukuyiphazamisa, ngoko ke ninqanda nakuphi na ungquzulwano oluya kuthi lukhokelele kwiimvakalelo ezicinezelekileyo kunye neebhedi ezahlukeneyo kwixesha elizayo. Yiyo loo nto kungcono ukugcina iingcango zonxibelelwano zivulekile.
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6. Ukufunda amaqhinga orhwebo
Ngelixa izinto zisenokubonakala zinzima emva kokubuyelana, kuza ixesha apho uyamkela ukuba intshukumo ngoku yahluke kancinane kunoko bekuyiyo, kwaye kulungile. Anisenguye laabantu nanihlukana nabo, kwaye nobudlelwane abusafani nakuqala. Mhlawumbi yinto entle leyo, ekubeni ingazange ihambe kakuhle okokugqibela!
Uya kufunda, uya kuziqhelanisa, uya kuphumelela. Ungaphela uyeke konke obukulindeleyo kulo mzamo xa ubungena kuwo, mhlawumbi yeyona nto ilungileyo onokuyenza.
7. Ukufumana kwakhona uthando
Izigaba zokubuyela kunye kunye ne-ex ingaba yimbi, izaliswe ukulindela kunye nokuphoxeka ngokufanayo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ubumazi kwaye uyamthanda lo mntu kanye ngaphambili, akunakwenzeka ukuba ungalindelanga ukuba yonke into ibuyele endaweni njengoko uyishiyile, ungenayo ubutyhefu ngokuqinisekileyo.
Ngeli nqanaba, uyaqonda ukuba ayizukuba njalo, kwaye uthando olutsha, oloyikekayo luyakubamba, luqinisekisa isidingo sakho sokubuyela kunye ne-ex yakho kwasekuqaleni. Isigqibo osenze kwiiveki / kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo ukuthumela ukukhutshwa, "Singakwazi ukuthetha?" kwi-ex yakho ngoku ibonakala ihlawulwe, kwaye uthando lunokuphumelela kwakhona.
Ukubuyelana emva kokwahlukana akuyonto ilula eniya kuyenza, ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba ulawula ngempumelelo ukuzulazula kwi-whirlpool yokulindela, iminqweno, kunye nokukhungatheka, uya kuphuma ekugqibeleni kunye neengalo zomthandi wakho ezijikeleze kuwe.
Gcinani nikhumbula ukuba akukho ndlela imiselweyo eniya kuhamba kuyo nobabini. Iindlela odibana nazo zinokuba nobuqhophololo obugqithisileyo okanye ukuhamba ngesikhephe ngokutyibilikayo, kodwa rhoqo kunokuba kunjalo, zonke zikhokelela kwindawo enye.
Ukufumana iividiyo ezingakumbi zengcali nceda ubhalise kwisiteshi sethu seYouTube. Cofa apha.
FAQs
Ukubeka ngokucacileyo, ukuba ufuna ukubuyela kunye ne-ex yakho kwaye uyenze isebenze, kufuneka usebenze kwimiba ebangele ukuhlukana kwindawo yokuqala. Omnye weyona mithetho mikhulu yokubuyela kunye ne-ex kukuqinisekisa ukuba nobabini nixolelane kwaye nixolelane ngayo nayiphi na ingozi ebangelwayo, kwaye niyakwazi ukusebenza ngaphaya kwemiba yenu.
Xa usondela kubudlelwane obutsha ngokuhloniphana kunye nonxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, kunokusebenza xa abantu ababini be-exes bebuyelana.
Ungajonga phezulu iindlela zokubuyela kunye ne-ex yakho kuxhomekeke kutshintsho lwakho. Ukuba ufuna ukuphinda uqalise ubudlelwane bakho nomntu othandana naye, zisebenzele ngokwakho, ubabonise ukuba ungathanda ukubuyelana nabo kwaye ulindele impendulo yabo.
Eyona ndlela yokuxelela ukuba iqabane lakho lizimisele ngokubuyelana kungonxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo noluvulelekileyo. Unokutolika ulwimi lwabo lomzimba, kunye nokuvuma kwabo ukuthetha nawe kunye nokuxolelana. Ukuba bafaka umsebenzi ofanayo nawe, amathuba okuba bazimisele ngokubuyelana.
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