Uphuma njani kubudlelwane obulawulayo-iindlela ezisi-8 zokuqhawula

Ukusabalalisa uthando

Xa usebudlelwaneni apho uye waba likhoboka leemfuno zeqabane lakho, kuba nzima kakhulu ukwahlula phakathi kothando kunye nokulawula. Ulawulo oluncinci emntwini lungokwemvelo kodwa xa luwela umda, lunokuba yingozi komnye umntu. Kwimeko enjalo, wenza njani thatha isigqibo sokuba ubudlelwane buyalawula okanye hayi, kwaye ukuba kunjalo, uphuma njani kubudlelwane obulawulayo ngokukhuselekileyo?

Umntu olawulayo unokuba nenkathalo, athandeke, kwaye abe nothando naye. Ngoko ke, xa uqalisa ukuthandana nabo, awuyi kuba nofifi lokuba iya kujika ibe lulwalamano olulawulayo, olukhohlisayo. Kuthatha ixesha ukuyamkela into yokuba wenze isigqibo esibi kwaye kufuneka usishiye. Kodwa ukususa ubudlelwane obulawulayo akulula.

Umntu okhohlisayo, olawulayo uya kusebenzisa onke amaqhinga kwikati yakhe ukwenza ukuba uhlale. Xa kunjalo, ubalekela njani ubudlelwane obulawulayo? Makhe sikuxelele ngokweenkcukacha kweli nqaku.

Yintoni Ukulawula Indlela Yokuziphatha?

Isiqulatho

Isidingo sokulawula sisisiseko kakhulu ebantwini. Enyanisweni, a isifundo ebonisa uhlalutyo lwentlalo nengqondo ekulawuleni ubuntu bucebisa ukuba wonke umntu unesidingo sokulawula nokulawulwa. Ngamanye amaxesha, imfuno yolawulo iba ngamandla, kangangokuba umntu uba yityhefu kwaye kungcono ukuba aphume kobu budlelwane.

Uqala ukuziva u-claustrophobic kuba yonke intshukumo yakho iyabuzwa kwaye zonke izigqibo zibekwe phantsi. Ukulawula ukuziphatha kunamandla okutshabalalisa ubuntu bakho kancinci kancinci, ngelixa umntu olawulayo esiba namandla ngakumbi.

Kodwa wazi njani ukuba ulawulwa? Isazi ngengqondo/ingcali yengqondo ecebisayo uNiki Benjamin uthi, “Nangona lonke ulwalamano lufuna umgudu, umonde, kunye nentsebenziswano (ingakumbi ebudeni bamanqanaba okuqala), kukho iindlela zokuziphatha ezinokubonisa ukuba usebudlelwaneni nomntu odla ngokubizwa ngokuba ‘ngumlawuli ongaqhelekanga’ okanye umntu othe phithi ukulawula yonke into ebangqongileyo ngaphandle kokuziva unemida okanye ukuzimela geqe komnye umntu.”

Uya kukwazi ukuba ulawulwa xa iqabane lakho libonisa iimpawu ezithile. UBenjamin usixelela ukuba silumkele ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zilandelayo:

Ukugqabhuka ngumsindo xa izinto zingenziwa kanye ngendlela umntu alindele ngayo okanye afuna ngayo
Ukungafuni okuqinileyo ukuqwalasela okanye ukwamkela ezinye iimbono
Isidingo esinyanzelisayo sokubeka iliso okanye ukubeka iliso kwindlela iqabane labo lokwenza izinto phantsi kwesizathu esithi “ndinendlela engcono” okanye “Andiqondi ukuba kufuneka wenze ngolu hlobo”
Ukuba ndlongondlongo, ukungathethi, okanye ukuqumba ukuba akuvumelani nabo okanye de uvumelane nabo.

Indlela yokuphuma kubudlelwane obulawulayo

Umntu olawulayo unokwenza umonakalo ebomini bakho. Ngelixa amandla akho okwenza izigqibo esusiwe kwaye ukuzithemba kwakho kungabikho, ushiywe ungenandlela yokufuna inkululeko. Kubudlelwane nomntu olawulayo, unokuzama ixesha elide ukutshintsha izinto ukwenza iqabane lakho libone umbono wakho.

Kodwa ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba akuphumeleli, ukuhlukana kunokuba kuphela kwendlela yokufumana ingqondo yakho kwakhona. Ke, uyazibuza ukuba ungaphuma njani kubudlelwane obulawulayo? Ukuba ucinga ukuba iqabane lakho lilawula ngokugqithisileyo, nazi iindlela ezisi-8 zokwahlukana nolwalamano olunjalo:

1. Vavanya eyakho indawo

Ngelixa kubudlelwane obulawulayo, kukho amaxesha amaninzi apho uziva uphantsi kakhulu okanye kukho ukungazithembi kuba omnye umntu uhlala ezama ukukujongela phantsi.

Umntu olawulayo kufuneka abuyisele isikhundla sakhe samandla ukuze akwazi ukukulawula.

Into onokuyenza kukugxininisa akho ukubaluleka kubomi babo. Banike incasa yezabo iyeza. Musa ukubajongela phantsi, kodwa baxelele nje ukuba unesikhundla ebomini babo ekungekho mntu unokusithatha. Mazixhomekeke kuwe.

Oku kunokubenza bazive bengenamandla kwaye besondele kuwe. Xa beqonda oku, banokuqalisa ukukunika i indawo oyifunayo kwaye, ngokuthe ngcembe, unciphise inkalo yolawulo lobudlelwane bakho. Iqhinga kukuphumelela ngothando.

Abantu abalawulayo badla ngokwenza oko ngenxa yokungakhuseleki. Ukuba unokubenza bazive benqabisekile yaye ubaqinisekise ukuba baxhomekeke kuwe, banokulunciphisa ulawulo lwabo kuwe. Ukuba oku akusebenzi, yiya kwiPlan B kwaye uhambe.

2. Krwela umgca

Ngamanye amaxesha, kubalulekile ukuba ubaxelele ukuba yintoni elungileyo nengalunganga. Imida yobudlelwane obunempilo inokukunceda nobabini niphucule ubuhlobo benu. Kufuneka ubabonise umda wokunyamezela kwakho.

Ngokuqhelekileyo, kubudlelwane, xa umntu omnye elawula omnye, ekuqaleni kujongwa njengokungakhuselekanga, emva koko ubunikazi, ngoko uthando, ude uqonde ukuba ulawulo lwayo olusulungekileyo. Ngelo xesha, sele kusemva kwexesha kakhulu.

Xa ukrwela umgca, qiniseka ukuba uhlala uqinile kuyo. Ukuba kufuneka uchithe ubomi bakho nalo mntu, musa ukumvumela kwindawo yokuba sesichengeni sakho. Ukuba ucinga ukuba awufuni ukubabandakanya kwimali yakho, yitsho ngokuqinileyo loo nto. Ukuba benza imiba malunga nokuphuma kunye nabahlobo bakho, yenza kucace ukuba ungathanda ukuyenza loo nto kuba ikwenza wonwabe.

Ukuhlala nomntu olawulayo kunokuba nzima kakhulu, kodwa ukuba nobudlelwane obunoxolo, bancede bavume ubume bakhe kwaye umxelele into ongayithandiyo.

Ubudlelwane ngokweemvakalelo — Ubudlelwane bunokuhla

3. Qala ukungayinaki imiyalelo yabo, qala ukwamkela izicelo zabo

Uphawu oluqhelekileyo lomntu olawulayo kukunika imiyalelo. Ukucinga kwabo kukuba banolwazi ngakumbi xa kuthelekiswa nabani na osegumbini, nto leyo ebanika ilungelo lokwenza izigqibo kumntu wonke. Ukuba ne-a iqabane elilawulayo nelinobuqili yenza ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla bube sisihogo esiphilayo.

Nokuba ubacela ngokuzolileyo kangakanani na ukuba bakuvumele wenze into yakho, abayi kukuqonda. Kwimeko apho, ukuphuma kubudlelwane obulawulayo, kufuneka uqale ukuphepha.

Musa ukubaphulaphula ukuba ithoni yabo iyafundisa. Kufuneka baqonde ukuba kubudlelwane, niyalingana. Akukho luhlu lwemigangatho. Baphulaphule kuphela xa bekucela ukuba wenze into ethile okanye ucebise. Baxelele ukuba basebenzise igama lomlingo elithi “Nceda” kwaye ubayeke ngokukhawuleza xa bezama ukwenza ubuqhophololo ngokuthi, “Ndiyayazi into ozama ukuyenza.”

Ekuqaleni, banokuba nomsindo ngakumbi kwaye bacaphuke, kodwa ukuba unamathela kwimihlaba yakho, banokuza. Ukuba abakwenzi, ngoko ubuya kwazi ukuba lixesha lokuphelisa olu lwalamano.

4. Thetha nomntu omdala oqolileyo

Ukushiya ubudlelwane obulawulayo akulula, kodwa ukuhlala ubandezeleka kulwalamano olunjalo nako kucinezela. Nangona kuyinyani ukuba ulwalamano lufanele lube phakathi kwabantu ababini, ukuba iqabane lakho linendalo yokulawula yaye wena uyabandezeleka, kulungile ukuthetha nomntu omdala noqolileyo ngakumbi.

Okokuqala, qala ngokuthetha neqabane lakho, ukujongana nemiba ojongene nayo ngenxa yokuziphatha kwabo kunye nendlela echaphazela ngayo ubomi bakho bothando kunye nobudlelwane. Ukuba oko akuncedi, thetha nabazali babo, okanye abazali bakho, ukuba banengqondo ephangaleleyo.

Usenokuthetha nomhlobo wakho. Kodwa qiniseka ukuba, nabani na othetha naye unokujonga imeko ngaphandle komkhethe aze akunike icebiso elisengqiqweni.

Akuyomfuneko ukuba uqhawule ulwalamano. Mhlawumbi ungafumana indlela ephakathi. Iqabane lakho lisenokuyiqonda nje ingxaki. Ukuba ukuthetha nabanye abantu akusebenzi, ungaya kumcebisi wezibini uze ufumane isisombululo.

Ukucetyiswa ukusuka kumntu wesithathu lukhetho olusebenzayo ngakumbi, njengoko unokuphuma. Ingcali inokukunceda ngaphandle kokukhetha. Kodwa kuyo yonke loo nto, iqabane lakho kuya kufuneka livumelane nento yokuba bayalawula.

5. Qala ukulahla iingcebiso zokuba awonelisekanga ngobudlelwane

Kwimeko apho iqabane lakho alinagunya lokulawula, kuya kufuneka uqale ukunika iingcebiso ezingathanga ngqo ezibonisa ukungoneliseki kwakho. Kusenokufuneka uveze ukungavumelani kwakho okanye ukhethe ukulwa xa ungakwazi ukwenza into yakho. Oku kuya kubenza baqonde ukuba utsala ubudlelwane kwaye awonwabanga kwaphela ngalo.

Ukuba bakuthanda ngokwenene, baya kukulungisa. Baya kuzama ukuhlengahlengisa ngandlel’ ithile ukuze wonwabe ngendlela yabo encinane. Abantu abanendalo yokulawula, ngamanye amaxesha, abazi nokuba baphuma njengabalawulayo.

Kwendele kubo kangangokuba bacinga ukuba oko bakwenzayo kungokwemvelo. Yaye ukuba oko akwenzeki, mhlawumbi lixesha lokuphuma kulwalamano. Ukuqala ekwenzeni isigqibo ngento omawuyinxibe xa usiya emsebenzini, kwisaladi kufuneka uyikhethele isidlo sasemini kunye nesizathu sokuba uthi “hayi” kuhambo lomsebenzi olucwangciselwe wena, iqabane lakho lisenokuba lithatha zonke izigqibo ngobomi bakho.

Usenokuba uziva ungcungcuthekiswa, kodwa ingcinga yokubaleka ubudlelwane obulawulayo inokuba ikunika amajita nawe. Kwimeko apho, unokuzibuza ukuba ungaphuma njani kubudlelwane obulawulayo? Baxelele ukuba kuvakala njani na ukulawulwa. Banike ixesha lokulungisa, kodwa ukuba abakwenzi, mhlawumbi lixesha lokuhamba.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ujongana Njani Neqabane Elilayita Igesi?

6 Musa ukungcwatywa ngumsindo wabo;

Ngelishwa, uphawu oluqhelekileyo kulo lonke ulawulo, ubudlelwane obukhohlisayo ngumsindo. Iqabane lakho aliyi kukubonisa ukuba ukoyikisa ngabom umntu, kodwa ngokungazi, baya kwazi ukuba umsindo sisixhobo esinamandla. Banokwenza izinto ngendlela yabo ukuba bayacaphuka okanye baqalise ukukhwaza nokukhala nabo. Ukuhlala nomntu olawulayo kunokuba ngumngeni omkhulu ngenxa yesi sizathu. Imiba yabo yomsindo inokwenza ukuba yonke incoko enengqiqo ijike ibe imilo embi.

“Ngamandla akho imida; yimise, yikhusele, uyibeke.

Xa benomsindo, ukusabela ngokubanzi ekupheleni kwakho kukuvala kwaye uhlale ekoneni kwaye uphulaphule ngokuzolileyo oko bathethayo, nje ukuzola. Nangona leyo yindlela elungileyo yokugcina ubudlelwane buqhubeka, yazi ixesha lokuyeka. Ungafuna ukuhamba kakuhle kubudlelwane kwaye ke, ulungelelanise. Kodwa basenokukubona oko njengesiyeyelo ukuze benze izinto zabo. Basenokuba nomsindo kuyo nantoni na nayo yonke into baze benze izinto ngendlela yabo.

Kuya kufuneka uthethe ukuze uveze uluvo lwakho. Okukhona uthe cwaka, kokukhona baya kukucinezela. Basenokubonakala besoyika xa benomsindo, kodwa xa uqalisa ukuphakamisa ilizwi lakho, baya kulithoba elabo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ndandinomtshato Ondihlukumezayo Kodwa Ndisazamana Nokufa Komyeni Wam

7. Bahlale phantsi ubaxelele ukuba sele uza kubuphelisa obu budlelwane

Oku kunokuba nzima kakhulu kwinqanaba leemvakalelo. Ukushiya ubudlelwane obulawulayo akusiyo i-cakewalk. Nokuba iqabane lakho lilawula, nzulu, uyabathanda. Kungenxa yoko le nto, uya kuzama ukugcina ubudlelwane.

Kodwa kufuneka uqonde ukuba zonke ubudlelwane kufuneka zibe zimbini, kwaye ukuba iqabane lakho akenzi mzamo wokutshintsha ngokwakhe, lixesha lokuba uyeke ukubandezeleka ngenxa yabo. Kunokuba nzima kakhulu gcina ubudlelwane xa inye kuphela izama.

Kuya kufuneka uhlale nabo kwaye ubaxelele, ngaphandle kokubetha etyholweni, ukuba ubudlelwane abuyi kusebenza ngokwemiqathango yabo. Sonke silwela uthando nentlonipho engenamiqathango. Awunakuphila kwindawo apho uthandwa phantsi kweemeko. Ayinampilo kakhulu.

Ukuphelisa ubudlelwane nomntu olawulayo kuya kuba buhlungu kodwa kulungile. Banokuzama ukuyeka ngokusebenzisa izixhobo zakudala ezifanayo kunye namaqhinga okukhohlisa, kodwa kucace kakhulu kwingxoxo yakho kunye nesigqibo sakho.

8. Sukuwela kwizixhobo eziyingozi ngokweemvakalelo, izoyikiso, okanye umsindo

Ukuba akukho nto isebenzayo, basenokuqalisa ukukhala ngokungapheliyo ukuze bakunqande ungabashiyi okanye basenokukugrogrisa, besithi baza kuzibulala. Okanye kunokuba kubi ngakumbi ukuba babhenela kuyo Xhatshazwa – ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngomlomo. Kuya kuba nzima kakhulu ukuhamba kude neqabane elinjalo.

Ukulawula abantu kufuna umntu ozalisekisa umnqweno wabo wokulawula. Baqhelene nayo kangangokuba iphantse ibe ngathi likhoboka abangakwaziyo ukuhlukana nalo. Kuhlala kukho ithemba lokutshintsha, kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ubuyele kubudlelwane obunjalo, zibuze ukuba ukulungele ukudlula kwi-trauma kwakhona.

Olona khetho lungcono kukuba ungabuyeli emva, nokuba bathini na. Musa ukubanjiswa ziimvakalelo, izoyikiso zokuzibulala, okanye umsindo. Zama ukuyijonga ngokungathathi hlangothi kwaye uthembe isigqibo sakho. Ukwenza okuthile kwimpilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo akuphosakalanga.

Ukujongana nomntu onendalo yokulawula kuyadinisa. Maxa wambi, usenokufuna ukunikezela, yaye oko kusengqiqweni ngokupheleleyo. Ubudlelwane kufuneka bube yindawo yakho ekhuselekileyo kwaye ingabi yindawo apho kufuneka usebenze nzima ukutshintsha umntu ngokokufanelana nawe.

Nangona ulwalamano ngalunye lunamadabi alo, kufuneka wazi ukuba yeyiphi omawulwe nayo kwaye umke kuyo. Ukuba emva kokuphuma kubudlelwane obunjalo, uziva ngathi impilo yakho yengqondo iyachaphazeleka, bonana nomcebisi kwangoko kwaye uthathe uncedo lwezonyango.

FAQs

1. Ubudlelwane obulawulayo bubukeka njani?

Kubudlelwane obulawulayo, umntu omnye ubambe amandla phezu komnye kwaye ubathathela zonke izigqibo zabo. Basebenzisa umsindo, ubuqhetseba, kunye nokuziphatha kakubi ngokweemvakalelo ukuqinisekisa ukuba iqabane labo lenza kanye le nto bafuna ukuba bayenze.

2. Kwenzeka ntoni kubudlelwane obulawulayo?

Umntu olawulwa kubudlelwane uqala ukuphulukana nokuzithemba kwaye uziva ene-claustrophobic. Ngenxa yoko, i ubudlelwane buba yityhefu. Ubudlelwane obulawulayo bunokuguquka bube bukuxhatshazwa ngengqondo nako.

3. Ziziphi iimpawu zomntu olawulayo?

Umntu olawulayo uya kuba nomsindo ngokuhla komnqwazi kwaye uya kusebenzisa ukugqabhuka kwabo ukugrogrisa iqabane lakhe. Babengayi kukwazi ukwamkela imbono yeqabane labo yaye babeza kwenza konke okusemandleni abo ukuqinisekisa ukuba izinto zihamba ngendlela yabo.

Iingcinga Final

Ukuqhawula kubudlelwane obulawulayo kulucelomngeni kodwa kuyaxhobisa. Ifuna inkalipho, inkxaso, kunye nokuzinikela kwintlalontle yakho. Khumbula, inkululeko iqala ngokuzithanda kunye nenkolelo yokuba ufanele ukuhlonelwa, ulonwabo nokuzimela.

Akukho mntu kufuneka azive evalelwe kubudlelwane apho engakwaziyo ukuveza imizwa yakhe ngokukhululekileyo. Uhambo lokuphuma lusenokuba nzima, kodwa lukhokelela kwikamva eliqaqambileyo nelizalisekileyo. Unamandla kunokuba ucinga, kwaye uncedo luhlala lukhona. Iinkonzo zethu zeengcebiso bonelela ngendawo ekhuselekileyo, eyimfihlo ukukunceda uqhubele phambili ngokucaca kunye namandla.

Indlela Yokujongana noMyeni Olawulayo?

Iimpawu ezili-12 zobudlelwane bakho obudlulileyo buchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho bangoku

Ukugcina njani ucoceko lwakho ukuba iqabane lakho lixoki elinyanzelekileyo

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.