Iimpawu ezi-8 zokuba unoMyeni oLawulayo kunye noLawulayo

Abantu abakhohlisayo bafana nabazala abasondeleyo bama-narcisists. Basebenzisa ulawulo lweemvakalelo ukuze benze abanye abantu benze izinto abakhetha ukungazenzi. Olu tyekelo lolona lunamandla kubudlelwane obusenyongweni obufana nobo baphakathi kwamaqabane abathandanayo okanye abatshatileyo. Umyeni okhohlisayo uya kuthi chu kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo, ngokufihlakeleyo, alawule zonke iinkalo zobomi bakho. Ukususela kwinto oyidlayo ukuya kwinto oyinxibayo, ngubani ohlalisana naye kunye nexesha elingakanani, xa unabantwana, kwaye yintoni umsebenzi owunikezelayo owuthathayo ngokulandelayo, ubiza izithonga kuzo zonke izigqibo zobomi, ezinkulu okanye ezincinci.

Ngokwemvelo, ukuba nomyeni olawulayo kunye nobuqili yiflegi ebomvu emtshatweni. Ukanti, ukuqhathwa ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni akubonwa, yaye ngaloo ndlela kungalungiswa, ngenxa yeendlela zobuqhophololo zomntu okhohlisayo. Kumphezulu, kunokuziva ngathi ulawula, ubambe iintambo zobomi bakho, uyiqhubela kwicala olifunayo. Nangona kunjalo, jonga ngokusondeleyo, kwaye uya kuqonda ukuba ubusenza ukuthanda kwakhe ngalo lonke ixesha.

Ukukhohlisela ekubeni wenze izinto afuna uzenze kwaye ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, ube yinto yakhe yokudlala. Abantu abanjalo basebenzisa iimvakalelo kunye netyala njengezixhobo abazithandayo kwaye ekugqibeleni ube likhoboka labo emtshatweni. Yiyo loo nto kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuqonda ukuba utshate nomntu okhohlisayo kwaye ufumane indlela yokuphuma phantsi kobhontsi bakhe. Silapha ukuze sikuncede wenze oko kanye ngoku kuhla kweempawu zomyeni okhohlisayo kunye neendlela zobuqhophololo apho iqabane elilawulayo ngokweemvakalelo lisebenza khona.

Iqabane Lisebenzisa Njani Iindlela Zokukhohlisa Emtshatweni?

Ukukhohlisa emtshatweni kunokuqala ngento encinci kwaye echuliweyo kodwa utyekelo lwakhe lokulawula luya kuqalisa ngokuthe ngcembe ukuba lukhulu kwaye lube lukhulu. Ezi ziyimpawu ze-freak yokulawula, ukuqala, kodwa kunokuba nzima ukuzibona. Umyeni wakho ozingcayo uya kuqala ukwenza amabango angekho ngqiqweni emtshatweni kwaye awuyi kuba nakhetho ngaphandle kokuhlangabezana nawo. Iipateni eziyingxaki ziqala ukubamba kwangethuba kubudlelwane, kwakudala phambi kokuba ujongane ubuso ngobuso nokuqonda "umyeni wam uyandikhohlisa".

Abayeni abakhohlisayo baxhaphaza ubuthathaka beemvakalelo kunye nokukhohlisa ngokwasengqondweni. Ugqirha wengqondo UGqr. Marni Feuerman Uyacacisa, “Abenzi bobuchule ngokuqhelekileyo bakrelekrele ngokweemvakalelo. Banobuchule obugqithiseleyo bokufunda iimpawu ezingokweemvakalelo kwabanye baze baziqonde ngendlela eqondakalayo.

Ke, ukuba uneqabane elikhohlisayo, umyalelo wokuqala weshishini kukuba ungazibethi malunga nokuwela kuye. Abantu abanotyekelo lokukhohlisa banomtsalane ekunzima ukuwuxhathisa kunye nobuchule bokwenza abanye benze izinto abafuna ukuba bazenze ngalo lonke ixesha besenza kubonakale ngathi into abayisebenzisayo benza ngenkululeko yokuzikhethela.

Okulandelayo, kuya kufuneka uqale ukunikela ingqalelo kwizalathisi zokuxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni. Khumbula ukuba ukukhwabanisa kubudlelwane iyakwazi ukufihlakala okanye ngokuthe ngqo, ngoko ke ingqalelo kwiinkcukacha ingundoqo. Nokuba yeyiphi inqanaba kunye nemo, ukukhohlisa emtshatweni ngokuqhelekileyo kubonakala liqabane lakho likucela ukuba wenze izinto egameni lothando kunye nomtshato wakho. Kodwa eneneni, ukucela ukuba wenze izinto ukuze wanelise ukungazithembi kwakhe ngokweemvakalelo. Ngokuqhelekileyo kukho iindlela ezintathu ezisetyenziswa ngamaqabane akhohlisayo:

1. UkuLawula okufihlakeleyo: “Ngaba ucinga ukuzikhupha nabahlobo bakho ngobu busuku?” (Ukuba ewe, kuthetha ukuba awundithandi)
2. Ukukhohlisa okucacileyo: “Ukuba uyandithanda, uya kuchitha ixesha kunye nam kunokuba uhambe nabahlobo bakho”
3. Ukukhohlisa ngokuthe ngqo: “Masiphume sobabini qha, akuyomfuneko ukuba sihambe nabahlobo bethu ngalo lonke ixesha”

Ngoku ufunda oku, unokufumanisa ukuba kulula kangakanani ukukhohlisa umntu. Kunene? Enoba ukukhohlisa kuchuliweyo, kucacile okanye ngokuthe ngqo, luhlobo oluthile lokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo. Umenzi wobubi uhlala exhomekeke kwizixhobo ezinje ngokulayita igesi, ukugawula amatye, ukunyathela cwaka, kunye nokuqutyulwa bubutyala ukuze ixhoba labo lenze ukuthanda kwabo. Oku kunokuba ngamava awothusayo kakhulu emntwini okwisiphelo sokufumana kwaye yiyo loo nto kungabikho sithuba sokukhohlisa emtshatweni.

Nangona kunjalo, umtshato okanye ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunqabile ukuba bube ziinguqulelo ezinqwenelekayo esicinga ngazo ngeentsuku zethu zokungazi. Ukuba kukho nto ithile engathandekiyo emtshatweni wakho yaye akukwazi ukuyiphelisa imvakalelo yokuba ukuzimela geqe kunye nelungelo lakho lokuzenzela izigqibo lithintelwe, funda ukuze ufunde ngeempawu zomyeni onenkohliso.

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Iimpawu ezi-8 zokuba unoMyeni oLawulayo kunye noLawulayo

Ku inqaku malunga nokukhohlisa epapashwe kwiphephancwadi i<em>Time, igqirha laseKhalifoniya uSharie Stines ubhala oku, “Ukukhohlisa licebo eliyingozi ngokweemvakalelo elisetyenziswa ngabantu abangakwaziyo ukucela into abayifunayo nabayifunayo ngendlela engqalileyo.” Abantu abazama ukukhohlisa abanye bazama ukulawula abanye.”

Ukuba umyeni wakho uyakulawula yaye unenkohliso, okukhona uye unikezela kumaqhinga akhe, kokukhona eya kukulawula ngakumbi. Emva kwexesha elithile, xa uziqonda iinjongo zakhe, umtshato usenokungabi nangxaki. Uya kudinwa kwaye ukhathazeke ngokuhlala ulungiselela iimfuno zakhe zokuzingca kwaye uqale ukubona iimpawu ufuna uqhawulo-mtshato ukubuyisela ubomi bakho kwakhona. Ewe, ukutyhubela olo qhawulo-mtshato ekusenokwenzeka ukuba ubucinga ngalo ayizukuba kukuhamba epakini kuba lowo wayesakuba ngumyeni okhohlisayo unokuba mbi kakhulu.

Enye indlela yokwenza umtshato wakho kunye neqabane elikhohlisayo lisebenze kukuchonga iiflegi ezibomvu kwangethuba kwaye ujongane nazo ngentloko kunokuba uzame ukuxubha iimpawu ezibuhlungu phantsi kwekhaphethi. Kubalulekile ukubona iimpawu zeqabane elilawulayo ngokweemvakalelo phambi kokuba kushiywe lixesha. Ukuqonda iimpawu zokuqala kunokukunceda ukuba uphephe ukuphathwa kakubi kwaye umyeni wakho akayi kukwazi ukukulawula ngendlela afuna ngayo. Nazi iimpawu ezisi-8 zokuba unomyeni olawulayo kunye nokhohlisayo:

1. Uye waba kude kubahlobo bakho nosapho lwakho

Inyathelo lokuqala lomyeni olawulayo nonenkohliso kukukwahlukanisa nabahlobo bakho nosapho lwakho. Isenokungabi yindlela ethe ngqo kodwa ibe yinkqubo kancinane. Umyeni wakho uya kuthi ngokuthe ngcembe akwenze ube kude kubo kuba ukuqhawula kwinkqubo yakho yenkxaso kukwenza ube nesibindi sokucinezelwa emtshatweni.

Usenokuthi akakuthandi ukuthetha nentsapho yakho yonke imihla okanye usenokuthi uvakalelwa kukuba abahlobo bakho abamthandi. Uya kuhlala ezisa eminye imiba nabahlobo bakho kunye nosapho ude uzikhwebule kubo. Uya kuphatha kakubi, ukungahloneli, wacaphukela abazali bakhe kwaye ekugqibeleni ukunyanzele ukuba umke kubo. Ufuna ukuba ube kude kubo kuba ufuna ukuhlutha inkqubo yakho yenkxaso kwaye akwenze uxhomekeke kuye kuphela.

Xa inguye kuphela onokubhenela kuye kuzo zonke iimfuno zakho ezingokweemvakalelo, kuba lula kuye ukukulawula nokukukhohlisa. Kunzima ukuyamkela le nyaniso, kodwa ukuba umyeni wakho uye wabasusa ngokuthe ngcembe bonke abantu ababalulekileyo ebomini bakho yaye ekuphela kwento onayo, lixesha lokuba uqalise ukuzixelela oku, “Umyeni wam unenkohliso.” Ukuvuma linyathelo lokuqala nelona libalulekileyo ekusombululeni ingxaki.

2. Uthoba ukuzithemba kwakho

Umyeni wakho usoloko ezibonisa ukuba wongamile kunawe kwaye akwenze uzive umncinane xa uthelekiswa naye. Uya kuhlala ekuxelela ukuba ungakanani umgudu awenzayo emtshatweni kwaye akwenze uzive ngathi awenzi nto. Usuku ngalunye oludlulayo, ukuzithemba kwakho kuhlala kusiba sezantsi. Uziva ngathi awumenzeli ngokwaneleyo umyeni wakho kwaye wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukumonwabisa. Uba uxhomekeke kuye ngokwasemphefumlweni nasengqondweni kwaye umtshato wakho wonke uba malunga nokumkholisa.

“Umyeni wam unobuqhophololo kwaye uye wandenza andakwazi ukuzenzela nezona zigqibo zincinane,” watsho uSharon kwivenkile ethengisa ukutya kuzo zonke iindawo. Wayeye kuthenga amashiti elasagna kwisidlo sangeCawe ababesenzela abahlobo. Akuba engazifumani ezo zithandwa ngumyeni wakhe, kwakunzima ukuba agqibe ukuba zeziphi. Wazibona sele ethatha umnxeba wakhe efuna imvume yakhe. Kulapho wafikelwa bubuqhophololo emtshatweni wakhe.

Iqabane elikhohlisayo ngokwasemoyeni liyakwenza ukuba uqikelele kwisigqibo sakho ngasinye kwaye ubhenele ekuthetheni ngokuphandle igesi kubudlelwane ukwenza ukuba ubuze ubunyani bakho kunye nokuqonda kwakho iimvakalelo zakho. Ukuba awusakwazi ukuxhomekeka kwithuku lakho lethuku okanye intuition kwaye uqalise ukuthandabuza ukuba semthethweni kweemvakalelo zakho, ubunzima obukuyo impilo yakho yeemvakalelo yenye yezona mpawu zibonakalayo zomyeni okhohlisayo.

3. Kusoloko kukho ukunyelisa ngokweemvakalelo

“Bendiziva ndiphantsi kakhulu namhlanje. Ngexesha ebendikudinga ngalo kakhulu, ubungaphandle kwezolonwabo nabahlobo bakho. Ubungekho ngenxa yam kwaye ndiya kuhlala ndikukhumbula oku. Ukuba uneencoko ezifanayo neqabane lakho, kufanele kuphawulwe ukuba umyeni wakho usebenzisa ukutyhola ngokweemvakalelo ukukukhohlisa.

Kule ncoko, umfazi akanasiphoso kuba wayengazi ukuba umyeni wakhe uziva ephantsi kodwa sekunjalo umyeni umenza azive ngathi lityala lakhe ukuba aphume nabahlobo bakhe bayonwabele. Abayeni abakhohlisayo basebenzisa ukutyhola ngokweemvakalelo ukwenza amaqabane abo azive ezisola yaye enetyala naxa engenzanga nto iphosakeleyo.

Ukutshata nomntu okhohlisayo kuthetha ukuhlala utyholwa ngayo nantoni na nayo yonke into engahambi kakuhle emtshatweni okanye kubomi beqabane lakho. Kwanezinto ezingaphaya kwamandla akho ngokupheleleyo. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, oku kunokubangela umnqweno onamandla woku phuma kubudlelwane obulawulayo kuba ukuhlala kuthetha ukuhlala ugxeka, nto leyo enokudinisa ngokweemvakalelo.

4. Zininzi kakhulu izicelo ezincinci

In ukulawulwa kwezothando, kukho indlela "yonyawo-emnyango" apho i-manipulator iqala ngesicelo esincinci kwaye xa uvumelana nayo, uya kwenza isicelo sokwenyani. Kwenziwa njalo kuba kunzima ukuthi hayi kwinto ethile xa uthe ewe kwisicelo sangaphambili.

Umyeni wakho okhohlisayo naye, uya kuqala ngesicelo esincinci kwaye xa uvuma kuso, uya kwenza isinyanzelo esingekho ngqiqweni kodwa awuzukuba nayo enye indlela ngaphandle kokuba uthi ewe kuso. Eyakho umyeni unokukusebenzisa ngokwemali, ngokweemvakalelo, ngokwentlalo, kwanangokwesini, ukuqhubela phambili izilangazelelo zakhe nokufumana oko akufunayo.

KuClara, i-masseuse, yayiluluhlu olungapheliyo lo "unganceda…?" loo nto yamenza waqonda ukuba wayejamelene nokuqhathwa ngokuphandle emtshatweni ezenza iintswelo zomyeni wakhe. "Umyeni wam, uMark, unendlela yokwenza kubonakale ngathi akanakukwazi ukusebenza ngaphandle kwam. Ndandisoloko ndivakalelwa kukuba ndigoba umva ukuze ndihlangabezane nezicelo kunye neemfuno zakhe. Emva koko, ndandifuna ukuba asayine imali mboleko yeshishini endandizama ukulikhulula kodwa akazange avume ukuba akafuni ukubeka emngciphekweni ikamva lakhe lezezimali ngenxa yomnye weminqweno yam yomyeni wam.

5. Ukhathalelo olunemiqathango

Uya kuqaphela ukuba umyeni wakho udla ngokugodola kwaye azithande, kodwa ngequbuliso uya kuba nenkathalo nothando. Le yimeko yokunyamekela okunemiqathango apho iqabane lakho libonisa inkathalo kunye nenkxalabo kuphela xa uzalisekisa imeko okanye umenza onwabe. Ukuba ufuna ukuthandwa nokukhathalelwa kubudlelwane, kufuneka wenze kanye le nto afuna uyenze. Le yenye yeempawu zakudala zomyeni okhohlisayo.

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Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni kubonakaliswa yindlela yakudala yokutshisa nokubanda. Uya kuqaphela ukuba ngequbuliso umyeni wakho uya kubonisa uthando olukhulu, kodwa luza nexabiso. Ixabiso lolu thando kunye nenkathalo kukuzalisekisa isicelo sakhe okanye umnike iiyure ezingama-24 zokuhoya kwakho.

Umyalezo uphezulu kwaye ucacile: uzwane umgca afuna ukuba uwenze kwaye uya kukuhlamba ngothando kunye nokudumisa, ukutyhalela emva okanye ukumkhanyela oko akufunayo kwaye uya kohlwaywa ngokungahoywa ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuvinjwa. Iqabane elikhohlisayo aliqondi uthando olungagungqiyo phakathi kwabatshatileyo.

6 Uya kusebenzisa ubutyala njengesixhobo

Iqabane lakho liya kukwenza uzive unetyala ngezona zinto zincinci. Uya kukwenza uzive ngathi yonke into inetyala lakho. Ukuba netyala sesinye sezixhobo ezithandwayo ngumyeni okhohlisayo. Ukwenza uzive unetyala ukuze uzive ungenamandla uze unikezele kulawulo lwakhe. Ezinye zezalathi zokuxela ze ityala-ityala kubudlelwane zibandakanya: ukunika ngaphezu kokuba ufumana, ukuzisasaza ubhityile ukulungiselela iimfuno zeqabane lakho, ukuziva ungamkelekanga, kunye nemvakalelo yokucaphuka.

Iqabane elikhohlisayo ngokweemvakalelo liya kuhlala lijinga eli tyala phezu kwakho ukwenzela ukuba ubenzele izinto. Ndiyakucela ukuba uyeke ukundenza ndizive ndimncinci kwaye ndingento yanto, andisakwazi ukunyamezela. Incoko enjalo ingumzekelo obalaseleyo wohambo olunetyala.

Ukuba umyeni wakho uyalawula kwaye uyakhohlisa, ukuhamba kwetyala kuya kuba yinto ehlala ihleli emtshatweni wakho kangangokuba uya kugqiba ukuwufaka ngaphakathi. Uya kuziva unetyala ngokufuna indawo yobuqu kunye nexesha lam okanye ukuzibandakanya kwizenzo ezincinci zokuzigcina. Ngenxa yoko, uya kuqalisa ukunikezela ngokuthe ngcembe de ubomi bakho bube bulahlekelwe kuko konke obukunandipha ngaphambili.

7 Uyanihlola

Umyeni okhohlisayo akakhuselekanga ngokweemvakalelo kwaye uhlala esoyika ukuba uhamba emva kwakhe kwaye uyamqhatha. Akafuni ukwabelana nawe nabani na, nditsho nelungu losapho okanye umhlobo. Uya kujonga ifowuni yakho kunye nee-imeyile zakho ukuze abone ukuba uthetha nabani.

Akafuni omnye umntu azi ukuba ukuphethe njani kwaye kuhlala kukho uloyiko lokuvezwa kwemfihlo yakhe. Ufumana i-paranoid ngokulula kwaye uya kuhlala ekujonga kwaye uya kophula ubumfihlo bakho. Ukutshata ne-manipulator kuthetha rhoqo ukuhamba kumaqokobhe amaqanda kuba awuyazi ukuba yeyiphi na intshukumo yakho eya kubangela ukungakhuseleki kwakhe kwaye imenze abambelele ngakumbi kwaye abe nonya.

Nokuba ukhetha ukuphuma kulo mtshato ungasebenziyo, kusenokungabi lula ukumsusa emqolo. Owayesakuba ngumyeni okhohlakeleyo unokuqhubeka ejonga kuyo yonke intshukumo yakho kwaye asebenzise naluphi na ulwazi anokulufumana malunga nawe ukuze afumane inzuzo ephezulu kuwe kwaye mhlawumbi akufunxe kwakhona kumjikelo wokukhohlisa kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo.

8 Uya kuhlala ecela ukuxolelwa

Xa eqonda ukuba uyawuqonda umdlalo wakhe wokukhohlisa, uya kukucela uxolo kwaye uya kukuxelela ukuba uya kutshintsha kuwe. Uya kusebenzisa ibali leemvakalelo ukukukholisa ukuba ebengazimiselanga kukukhohlisa okanye ukukwenzakalisa. Nanini na xa uye waguquka okanye wala ukunikezela kwiqhinga lakhe, uya kukucela ukuba umxolele. Uya kukwenza oko kuphela ukwenzela ukuba uhlale naye ukuze akwazi ukukukhohlisa kwakhona.

Ukuba unomyeni okhohlisayo kwaye olawulayo, kufuneka uphume emtshatweni. Umtshato onjalo unembali iimpawu zobudlelwane obuyityhefu kuyo yonke loo nto. Usenokukulungela ukunika umtshato wakho elinye ithuba lokucinga ukuba umyeni wakho okhohlisayo uza kutshintsha. Enyanisweni, abantu abanjalo abatshintshi. Batshintsha nje iindlela zabo zokukhohlisa.

Musa ukuvumela umyeni wakho okhohlisayo ahluthe ukuzithemba kwakho, ulonwabo kunye nabantu obathandayo. Ufanelwe kukuthandwa. Nangona ukujongana nowayesakuba ngumyeni okhohlakeleyo kuya kuza nesabelo sawo sezilingo kunye neembandezelo, ungaqalisa ubuncinci inkqubo yokubeka lo bubi bomtshato emva kwakho kwaye ujike igqabi elitsha ebomini.

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