Ukusela utywala kunye notyekelo lotywala ebantwini kungakhathaliseki ubudala okanye isini sisisongelo kuluntu lwanamhlanje. Inkqubo efanelekileyo yokuvuselela unyango iyimfuneko ukwenzela ukuba abanxila baphinde bafumane ukubuyisela ngokupheleleyo kunye nokubuyisela ngempumelelo.
Njengaso nasiphi na esinye iziyobisi okanye utywala, amakhoboka otywala axhomekeke etywaleni kangangokuba akanakubuthelekelela ubomi bawo ngaphandle kwawo. Oku kuxhomekeka kuqatha ngokucacileyo kunempembelelo eyingozi kakhulu kubuchwephesha babo, kwezentlalo kunye nakubomi babo bomntu. Abona batsala nzima ngabazali babo namaqabane abo, kulandele abantwana babo, ekufuneka bekhule bebona umzali olikhoboka lotywala. Amaxesha amaninzi ukusela utywala kuba yindlela yokuphila kubo. Ukuhlala nekhoboka lotywala ngumthombo othe rhoqo woxinezeleko.
Kolu dliwano-ndlebe, i-psychotherapist Gopa Khan (IiMasters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), oyincutshe kwimitshato & nengcebiso kusapho) usixelela ukuba kunjani ukuthanda nokukhathalela umntu onxilileyo nokuba ngawaphi amanyathelo afanele athathwe ukuphucula ubomi bekhoboka lotywala nentsapho yalo.
Yintoni ingxaki yokusetyenziswa kotywala?
Isiqulatho
Ukuphazamiseka kokusetyenziswa kotywala okanye i-AUD idla ngokubizwa ngokuba butywala. Ibandakanya ipateni yokusetyenziswa kotywala ekuhambeni kwexesha de bube ngundoqo wobukho bakho. Njengoko iinyanga kunye neminyaka ihamba, umntu ojongene nengxaki yokusetyenziswa kotywala uya kukufumanisa kunzima ukulawula okanye ukuyeka ukusela kwabo. Ngoko ke, ukuhlala nekhoboka lotywala akulula ukutsho. Abantu abasebenzisa kakubi utywala badla ngokutshona kumjikelo ekunzima kakhulu ukuwuqhawula.
Enyanisweni, inokuba mbi kangangokuba umntu ahlale ecinga ngesiselo esilandelayo xa engaseli. Ubukho babo buphela bufikelela ekubeni baya kusela nini kwakhona. Ukuba bazama ukunciphisa ukusela kwabo utywala okanye bayeke ukusela utywala ngokupheleleyo, baya kuqala ukujongana neempawu zokuyeka, kubandakanya, kodwa kungaphelelanga ekuphatheni kakubi ngokomzimba, ukudakumba, ukuxhalaba, ukucaphuka, ukuguquguquka kwemizwelo, ubundlongo, njalo njalo.
Ngokucacileyo oku akuthethi ukuba zonke iintlobo zokusela zibandakanya ukusela utywala. Isiselo apha naphaya, kumsitho wentlalontle, kunye nabahlobo, kunye nesikhonkwane okanye kabini amaxesha ambalwa evekini kulungile okoko nje kungajiki kukusela utywala kwaye kudala ukuxhomekeka okuba nzima ukubaleka ekuhambeni kwexesha kwaye iqala ukuchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho bobuqu kunye nokusebenza kobuchwephesha.
Ukuba iqabane lakho alikwazi ukuyeka ukusela naxa oko kubangela iingxaki ezinzulu kwimpilo yabo kunye nokuxabana nosapho, iqabane lakho linokuba lixhoba lokusela utywala okanye ingxaki yokusetyenziswa kotywala.
Kunjani ukuba ngoyena mntu unyamekela ikhoboka lotywala?
“Ubomi babo busisihogo ngokupheleleyo, xa sithetha nje. Gopa Khan.
Ngokusisiseko, umntu ochitha ixesha elininzi nekhoboka lotywala uba ngowokuqala nophambili ukuba nonxibelelwano oluthe ngqo kunye nokunxibelelana nalo. Baqala ukuziva benetyala kakhulu, bezisola kwaye banokudlula kwinqanaba lokukhanyela.
Kukho iingxabano eziqhubekayo kwaye zifana nobudlelwane bomzali nomntwana. Ndandidla ngokuba neclient umyeni wakhe wayelinxila elinzima. Ebemane emlandela amlande ezibhari ngo 2 am. Uninzi lwabathengi bam nabo banayo udlama lasekhaya imiba; ubukhulu becala yindoda enxila ibethe umfazi. Uya kuhlala ufunda kwiphephandaba ukuba umntu uhlatywe kuba iqabane lakhe lifike linxilile kwaye besilwa.
Ukujongana Njani Notywala?
Njengoko nabani na ohlala nenxila eya kukuxelela, ikhoboka lotywala linezithintelo eziphantsi. Ngoko, ukuba sele edandathekile, kusenokwenzeka ukuba alenzakalisa iqabane lakhe. Ndiye ndanabaxhamli beza kum bathi, “Ebengasoze andivise ubuhlungu ezingqondweni”, waphinda wayenza loo nto kuba wayephantsi kwempembelelo yotywala.
Enye yezinto endizigxininisayo xa ndisebenza kunye namalungu entsapho yotywala okanye umntu oxhomekeke eklinikhi etywaleni kukuba ukuchacha kuya kwenzeka, kodwa akufuneki kubekho ibala lentlalo elihambelana nalo. Le yenye yezona zinto zibalulekileyo ekufuneka uzikhumbule xa usebenza nenxila.
Ndikwaxelela intsapho ukuba, “Musani ukukrokra, musani ukufundisa yaye ningashumayeli.
Into eyenzekayo kwikhoboka lotywala xa umntu elingcungcuthekisayo kukuba avale usapho. Ngoko baqalisa ukwenza izithembiso abangazigciniyo. Mhlawumbi baya kuthi abasayi kuphinda basele kwaye emva kweeyure ezi-2, baqalise ukusela kwakhona.
Kwakhona, zama ukuba ungalawuli ukuziphatha kwabo, kuba ukuyeka ukusetyenziswa kotywala kunye neziyobisi akulula. Kuphela xa ikhoboka lotywala likhetha ukuyeka ukuxhomekeka kwalo, unyango lunokuphumelela. Kwanaxa umntu efumana unyango, unokuphinda abuyele kwakhona aze abe likhoboka lotywala elichachayo. Ukubuyela umva kuxhaphake kakhulu. Sisamgqala njengenxila elichachayo.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ndifuna Udivosa Indoda Yam Enxilisayo, Efuna Abafazi
Iyintoni impembelelo yoButywala kuBudlelwane obusenyongweni kunye neMitshato?
Kwiimeko ezininzi zokusela utywala, into eyenzekayo kukuba umtshato uphela ngoqhawulo-mtshato okanye umfazi uyaphuma endlwini emva kokudinwa kukujongana nekhoboka lotywala. Ngokusisiseko, kubo bobabini, linqanaba lobunzima bemali, kwaye kuya kuba nzima ngakumbi ukuba iqabane liqhube ikhaya.
Okwesibini, ngenxa yokuba omnye umntu ekhanyela, bayala ukufumana naluphi na uhlobo loncedo okanye unyango lwemeko yabo. Kuphinde kubekho ugonyamelo lwasekhaya yaye ubukhulu becala ixhoba libhinqa.
Ndiyibonile imitshato apho abazali bomntwana bohlukana khona. Ubukhulu becala kuxhomekeke emfazini ukuba uyafuna na ukuqhubeka nomtshato. Ukuba ngumtshato we-20 iminyaka inokuhlala ukuba umfazi ufuna ukuqhubeka. Kwakhona, kukho umfazi owafika kum, esithi wayesele egqibile nomyeni wakhe olinxila emva kweminyaka eli-16 betshatile.
Ndandinomthengi onobawozala nomyeni ababengoosomashishini bobabini yaye umyeni wayexhomekeke kakhulu etywaleni, kangangokuba ishishini labo lonke lachaphazeleka kanobom. Kwabakho nogonyamelo lwasekhaya oluninzi.
Iqabane lekhoboka lotywala lizixakekise kakhulu ngeqabane lalo kangangokuba ekugqibeleni lide lizityeshele. Bahlala bezisola kwaye baxhalabile, uloyiko kunye neentlungu. Umhlaba wabo ngokusisiseko ujikeleza umntu omnye.
Abantwana badla ngokuziva ngathi kufuneka banakekele abantu abadala kwaye baxhomekeke kubo bobabini ngelixa bezama ukumelana nomntu onxilileyo. Ezi ziziphumo ezithe ngqo zokuhlala nomntu onxilileyo. Kubazali abanengxaki yokuqonda indlela yokunceda unyana onxilileyo, ukufunda umahluko phakathi kwenkxaso kunye nokuvumela, ukubeka imida enempilo, kunye nokufuna ulwalathiso lobuchwephesha kunokwenza umahluko omkhulu kumntwana nakwintsapho yonke.
Ikhoboka lotywala livakalelwa njani ngobukhoboka balo?
Xa uzama ukujamelana nekhoboka lotywala, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba liziva lihlazekile, libuhlungu kakhulu yaye lifuna ukuziva ndindisholo yaye utywala bufana nokubaleka kulo ukuze lingayiboni imeko yabanye ababangqongileyo.
Kwangaxeshanye, bayazi ukuba kufuneka behle etywaleni, ngoko ke kufuneka bangene kwinkqubo yeAlcoholics Anonymous kwaye badlule kwiiseshoni zonyango ezilandelayo, kodwa uninzi lwabo lubambekile ekukhanyeni.
Into yokuqala ekufuneka bayenze kukuphumelela kweso sigaba okanye umjikelo wokukhanyela kwaye babone ubunyani bokuba yintoni na.
Kutheni ukuphinda kusenzeka?
Zininzi izizathu zokuba umntu olinxila aphinde abuyele kwasekuqaleni. Ngamanye amaxesha baye bancame utywala baze bazibuyisele endleleni. Kodwa ukuzinyamekela kusenokungenzeki ekuhambeni kwexesha kwaye amathuba aphezulu okuba baqale ukungazihoyi kwakhona kwaye ubuyele kumjikelo ofanayo wokulutha kwakhona, ubuyele kwimowudi yokuzenzakalisa.
Enye yeepateni endizibonayo kubathengi bam kukuba rhoqo baqala ukuzikhusela okanye ukhetho lwabo. Baqala ukuxoka ngokusela utywala kwaye bahlala bethetha ngokuyeka utywala. Oku kunokubonisa ukuba basendleleni yokubuyela umva. Ekubeni ukuchacha kungeyondlela ilula yaye kuthatha ixesha, baphelelwa ngumonde.
Abantu abanemiba emininzi yomsindo bathambekele ekuthatheni utywala ngokunjalo, njengesizathu.
Abantu abadandathekileyo nabo baqalisa ukusela utywala. Kwezinye iimeko zokudakumba, ndiye ndabona ukuba umntu likhoboka lotywala elichachayo, kodwa agqibe ekubeni asebenzise amayeza okuthomalalisa okanye athomalalise iintlungu.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Inguquko: Ndajongana neziyobisi zoMyeni wam ngokuMthanda ngokungagungqiyo.
Sele benobuntu obuxhomekeke kubo kodwa baye baba likhoboka lenye into engeyiyo utywala.
Kwenzeka ntoni ekugqibeleni kulwalamano apho ikhoboka lotywala libandakanyeka?
Kwiimeko ezininzi, ukuba owasetyhini kubudlelwane uzimele ngokwezimali kwaye/okanye unosapho oluxhasayo, bayazama ukwenza umtshato okanye ubudlelwane busebenze. Baye bagqibe ukunamathela kunye namaqabane abo iminyaka embalwa ukuya kwinqanaba lokuba badinwe ngokweemvakalelo kwaye abasakwazi ukuyithatha.
Ndiyibonile imitshato ye-15, i-16 yeminyaka ichithakala. Kwakhona, kukho amabhinqa anamathela kumaqabane awo nabantwana, yaye maxa wambi kunokubonwa ukuba ubawo ulungile ngokwenene kumfazi nakubantwana bakhe, kodwa ubuntu obutsha buyaphuma xa esela.
Ngoxa uhlala nekhoboka lotywala umntu unokulikhupha njani kubukhoboka balo?
Into yokuqala ekufuneka yenziwe likhoboka lotywala elisebenza kakhulu kukuzikhupha kwinqanaba lokukhanyela. Ndikhe ndafikelwa yiclients nebango eligcweleyo lokuba abanangxaki, babe bethi BANGEBANGA.
Ngoko ke, kubalulekile ukuba abantu abasebenzisa utywala kakhulu baqonde kwaye bamkele ukuxhomekeka kwabo etywaleni kwasekuqaleni. Okwesibini, ndingabacebisa ngamandla ukuba banikezele kolu kuxhomekeka. Kufana nokuyeka ukutshaya.
Wonke umntu uyasebenza, kufuneka aye ezintlanganisweni, kwiindibano zolonwabo njalo njalo. Ukuba abakwenzi oko, basengozini enkulu yokuphulukana nemisebenzi yabo.
Kwakhona intsapho yabo, umphathi wabo, abahlobo babo kunye nenkqubo yenkxaso iyonke kufuneka bangenelele xa bebona ingxaki kwaye bangayihoyi okanye bathule ngayo kuba nje eqhuba kakuhle emsebenzini.
Umzekelo, ndandinomthengi owayengumphandi okrelekrele kwaye wayedla ngokunxila ekhokelela koogxa bakhe bamqhubela ekhaya. Ekugqibeleni, i-3-4 yabalingane bangenelela kulo mbandela kwaye i-2 yabo yadibana nomxhasi malunga nalo mbandela. Akunakwenzeka ukuba uqhubeke usebenza ngexesha elibekiweyo ukuba ulinxila. Ekugqibeleni iya kuqala ukubonakala kwindawo yokusebenza.
Enye into endinyanzelisa ukuba abaxhasi bam bazenzele ngokwabo kukuzikhathalela. Kufuneka benze ukucamngca kunye neyoga, kwaye bazigcine bexakekile ngumsebenzi ngokunjalo, kuba ukuzikhathalela kuko okukuncedayo ukuze banciphise uxinzelelo. Basenokuzama ukujoyina amaqela okuzinceda. Yinto enceda ngokwenene.
Ababaninzi abantu abaqondayo ukuba ukuhlala nekhoboka lotywala kuyadinisa kwaye kuluxinzelelo. Kunokuba ujongane noxinezeleko rhoqo ngenxa yothando novelwano, kungcono ukujolisa ukubuyisela kwisimo sangaphambili ukuze kulunge ngakumbi ixhoba kunye nosapho lwakhe.
Amadoda vs Abasetyhini-Iyantlukwano ezi-5 kwindlela abaphatha ngayo ukwahlukana
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
Ukuzama ukugcina iqabane lakho “lonwabile” xa licaphukile akulocebo lilungileyo. Ufuna ukuba baphile, bangathotywa okwethutyana. Uthando olungenamiqathango luyinto enhle, kodwa ukuba uhlangabezana neemfuno zabo ngokuthenga utywala okanye ukungawuhoyi umcimbi okhoyo, awubancedi ukuba bafumane ngcono.
Iintsapho zihlala zifumana iziphumo zokuphazamiseka kokusetyenziswa kotywala ngumntu omthandayo. Ukusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala kwelinye ilungu lentsapho kunokutshabalalisa iziseko zentsapho, kubangele iimvakalelo zehlazo, ukuziva unetyala, umsindo, uloyiko, intlungu nobulolo.
Ukukhotyokiswa butywala kunokutya abantu, kubangele ukuba bangaziboni iimbopheleleko zabo zentsapho. Amaqabane ahlala ethatha ukuyekelela kwaye anyamezele iziphumo zengqondo, kubandakanywa ukuxhalaba kunye nokudakumba, ukuhlala nomntu onomlutha wotywala.
Abantu abanengxaki yokusebenzisa kakubi utywala banokuzama ukuyifihla imeko yabo, okanye banokukholelwa ukuba iziphumo ezibi zengxaki yabo ziyabenzakalisa. Nangona kunjalo, ukukhotyokiswa butywala kudla ngokutshintsha indlela yokuziphatha, kubeka abantu emngciphekweni weengxaki zemali nezomthetho, kwaye kukhokelela ekuphulukaneni neenkumbulo okanye ubunzima bokuqonda - konke oku kunokuba nefuthe elibi kubantu abathanda utywala, njengabazali, abantakwabo, abahlobo, abantwana kunye namaqabane.
Ngaba uyazibuza ukuba unokumelana njani nomama onxilisayo ngexesha leeholide, okanye unokumnceda njani? Ngaba abahlobo bakho bakuxelele ukuba ungumenzi weqabane lakho? Ngaba uzifumana ubandezeleka ngenxa yengxaki yotywala yomntu omthandayo? Kunokuba nzima ukuva ukuba kufuneka uzitshintshe xa umntu omthandayo ephila nengxaki yotywala. Ngapha koko, yingxaki yabo, akunjalo? Ngelishwa, ungazitshintsha kuphela, kwaye ekuphela kwendlela onokuthi uphazamise kwaye utshintshe indlela yangoku yokunxibelelana kwakho nabantu abanengxaki yokusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi kukutshintsha indlela osabela ngayo.