Iindlela ezi-8 zokuhlakulela uKhuseleko lweMphefumlo kubudlelwane bakho

Ubudlelwane yenye yezinto ezimbalwa ebomini ezifuna umzamo othe kratya ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ikwayenye yezinto abantu abadla ngokuzithatha lula kakhulu. Ngelixa iimfuno, iminqweno kunye nokulindela kubudlelwane kunokwahluka kumntu nomntu, ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo luhlala luyimfuneko.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ulwalamano lwakho na, nokuba ngumzali nomntwana, abantwana bakowenu, okanye izithandwa, ufuna ukuthandwa, ukuqondwa, nokwamkelwa ngokuba ungubani. Ukuba kukho ukungabikho kokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, ngoko umgangatho woxhulumaniso uyancipha kwaye unokuba yingozi kakhulu. Oku kunokudala umsantsa omkhulu phakathi kwabantu ababandakanyekayo kwaye unokwahluka ekugqibeleni.

Sibona ubudlelwane obuninzi buphela ngenxa yeqabane elinye okanye omabini angaziva ekhuselekile ngokwasemphefumlweni kubudlelwane. Ngoko umntu uyilungisa njani le meko? Dating umqeqeshi Geetarsh Kaur, umseki weSikolo seZakhono esigxile ekwakheni ubudlelwane obuluqilima, sisinceda siqonde ukuba ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo lubandakanya ntoni kwaye singayihlakulela njani loo nto kubudlelwane bethu.

Yintoni uKhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane?

Ngamafutshane, ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo yimeko apho abantu ababini bekhululekile ukuba ngabo bokwenyani phakathi komnye nomnye. I-Geetarsh ucacisa esithi: “Luhlobo lolwalamano apho isibini sinqabisekile kukwazi ukuba siyabuyelana ngokweemvakalelo ngaphandle kokoyika imiphumo okanye ukugwetywa.

Kutheni ungakhe undixelele indlela ovakalelwa ngayo? Ukuba le yimibuzo ozifumana uzibuza okanye ubuzwa ngalo lonke ixesha, oko luphawu lokuba kukho ukungabikho kokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane bakho. Kubudlelwane obungakhuselekanga ngokweemvakalelo, awukwazi ukuyekelela umlindo wakho. Zama kangangoko unako, awuyi kukwazi qhagamshela neqabane lakho kwinqanaba elinzulu.

Yindlela nje abantu abakhiwe ngayo. Sityekele ekubalekeni okanye sizivalele xa sibona ukwenzakala okanye ingozi. Nokuba ubuhlungu buluhlobo lweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasengqondweni. Xa kukho ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane, uphumla phambi kweqabane lakho, ukhuselekile kulwazi lokuba uyahlonitshwa kwaye uthandwa ngokungenamiqathango kwaye banomdla wakho ongcono ezintliziyweni zabo.

Ukudala ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubaluleke kakhulu ekwakheni ubudlelwane obunempilo. Isizathu sokuba ubudlelwane obuninzi buqhekeke asikuko ukuba abantu abakhathali kodwa abayazi indlela yokukhuthaza olu hlobo lokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Ukuba unoluvo lokuba ubudlelwane bakho buswele eli candelo, makhe sijonge eminye imizekelo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo onokuthi uyiphumeze ukomeleza ubudlelwane bakho.

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Iindlela ezi-8 zokudala uKhuseleko lweMvakalelo kubudlelwane bakho

Ukuba nje ubomi bebunokuba nencwadi yemiyalelo, besiya kuba lula sonke. Ngelishwa, ayisiyiyo indlela esebenza ngayo. Xa sifuna iimpendulo kwiingxaki zethu, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukujonga abantu abasingqongileyo. Kodwa ukuba ujonge imizekelo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane obukungqongileyo, unokuphela unentloko ebuhlungu. Ngapha koko, zininzi iintlobo zobudlelwane njengoko kukho izibini. Intsingiselo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo inokwahluka kumntu ngamnye.

Nangona kunjalo, imigaqo ethile engundoqo inceda ukuqinisa olu luvo lokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Silapha ukuphonononga ukuba zeziphi ezo migaqo kwaye sinikeze iingcebiso eziya kukunceda wakhe ukhuseleko lomphefumlo kubudlelwane bakho:

1. Ukujongwa kokwenyani - Inyathelo lokuqala elibhekiselele kukhuseleko lweemvakalelo

Inyathelo lokuqala lokusombulula ingxaki kukwamkela ukuba kukho ingxaki. Oko, xa ndithetha inyani, kunokuba nzima kakhulu. Xa ubudlelwane bethu behla ngalo lonke ixesha, sizixelela ukuba le ngxaki yeyexeshana kwaye siya kwenza jonga le patch irhabaxa. “Eli linqanaba nje, izinto ziya kuba ngcono emva kwexesha elithile” okanye “Kukungaqondi kakuhle kwaye ndiqinisekile ukuba esi siganeko asisayi kuphinda” bobunye bobuxoki esizixelelayo.

Kodwa izinto ezigqubayo phantsi kombhoxo azifane zincede nabani na. Kwaye ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo yinto ongenakuyihoya. “Ukuba unexhala lokuba ukuthetha nomntu wesini esahlukileyo kuya kubangela ungquzulwano, okanye ukuba kukho amaxesha apho uzifihlayo iimvakalelo zakho kuba uvakalelwa kukuba akukho mntu uya kukuqonda okanye uloyiko lwakho luya kuthotywa, ngoko lixesha lokuvuma ukuba le asiyomizekelo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo yaye lixesha lokulungisa iingxaki kulwalamano lwakho,” ucebisa njalo uGeetarsh.

2. Qinisekisa iqabane lakho

Kunzima kakhulu ukuzityand’ igila emntwini ukuba umntu uvakalelwa kukuba ubuthathaka bakhe buya kugculelwa okanye uya kugwetywa ngokuvakalisa iingcinga neemvakalelo zakhe. Ukudala ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, kufuneka siqonde ukuba wonke umntu unamacingo ngokwahlukileyo. Indlela abasabela ngayo kwiimeko, indlela isiganeko esibenza bazive ngayo, kunye nendlela abajongana ngayo nomothuko inokwahluka kakhulu kwindlela onokuzisingatha ngayo izinto.

Nangona kunjalo, ngenxa yokuba amava akho okanye indlela yokusingatha iimeko ayihambelani, ayithethi ukuba iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zeqabane lakho nangayiphi na indlela zincinci okanye azibalulekanga. " Unga phucula ulwalamano lwakho ngokumamela kwiqabane lakho xa bezivulela isifuba kuwe. Baxelele ukuba iimvakalelo zabo zifanelekile yaye bazise ukuba ababodwa emzabalazweni wabo,” ucebisa oko uGeetarsh.

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3. Cinga ngaphambi kokuba uthethe

UGeetarsh uthi: “Enye into ebalulekileyo esifanele siyikhumbule ngoxa sizama ukwakha ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni kukuyikhumbula into oyithethayo, amaxesha amaninzi, xa sigqajukelwa ngumsindo, siye sigqibe kwelokuba sithetha izinto esingaziqondiyo kodwa amazwi ethu anokusenzakalisa ngokweemvakalelo.”

Amagama zizixhobo ezinamandla, anokwenza okanye amophule umntu, ngoko lumkela kakhulu indlela owasebenzisa ngayo. Yeka ukuthukana okanye ukusebenzisa izivakalisi zokuphuma ezifana nokuthi “Unovelwano kakhulu” okanye “andisakwazi ukwenza oku kwaye ndingaphinda ndihlale nawe”. Izivakalisi ezifana nesi zitshabalalisa ukhuseleko lobudlelwane kwaye ziyakwazi yenza iqabane lakho lizive lingakhuselekanga.

Endaweni yokusebenzisa u-'wena', kungcono ukusebenzisa izivakalisi 'thina' ezijolise kwisisombululo. “Kufuneka siyisombulule le nto” okanye “siza kuwenza lo msebenzi” yimizekelo yokhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo. Ngokutshintsha i-jibes eyenzakalisayo ngala mazwi aqinisekisayo, unokwenza indlela yokuziva ukhuselekile ngokwasemphefumlweni kubudlelwane.

4. Yihloniphe imida yeqabane lakho

Xa uthandana nomntu kuphela, unyanzelekile ukuba uzive ubalulekile. Nangona kunjalo, obo bulungu bunokujika bube yimvakalelo yokuba nelungelo kwaye kulapho izinto zijika zibe yingxaki. Bonke ubudlelwane obunempilo bunemida kwaye kubaluleke kakhulu ukubuhlonipha. Xa imida yomntu ingahoywa, banokuyeka ukuziva bekhuselekile ngokwasemphefumlweni kubudlelwane kwaye baphendule ngokuvala okanye ukurhoxa kwiqokobhe labo.

Ukuhlakulela ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele kwaye uhloniphe imida yeqabane lakho kwaye ungawaphuli, kungakhathaliseki ukuba iimeko. Qaphela xa ingxoxo ijika ibe yingxabano, thatha ikhefu ukuze uzole ngaphambi kokuba ubuyele kumxholo. Imida kubudlelwane ayikokukhusela nje wena kunye nobudlelwane, ikwamalunga nokuhlonipha oko kungcwele kuni nobabini.

5. Namathela kumazwi akho ukwakha ukhuseleko ngokwasemoyeni

Uya kuqaphela ubudlelwane obungenathembana buchaphazeleka kukungakhuseleki ngokweemvakalelo. "Ukwakha ukuthembana phakathi kwamaqabane kubalulekile ngelixa usenza ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kwaye oko kwenzeka xa omabini amaqabane enamathela kumagama abo," kuchaza uGeetarsh. Akubonakali ngathi kuninzi, akunjalo? Nangona kunjalo ibaluleke kakhulu.

Unokucinga ukuba akusoloko kusenzeka ukugcina ilizwi lakho kwaye iyinyani. Kanye kwinyanga eluhlaza, izinto zingenzeka kwaye kungafuneka sibuyele emva kwilizwi lethu. Kodwa, ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ubeka phambili yonke enye into ngaphandle kwesithembiso sakho, ngoko kukho amathuba aphezulu okuba iqabane lakho liya kuphulukana nokholo kuwe ngokupheleleyo. Ukungaqiniseki okuguquguqukayo akwenzi nto kukhuseleko lweemvakalelo. Ngoko ungaguquguquki kwaye ubambelele kwizithembiso zakho naxa kunzima.

6. Nika iqabane lakho inzuzo yokuthandabuza kwaye ufune isizathu

Ukunqongophala kokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kunyanzelekile ukuba kubangele ukungakhuseleki kunye nokukrokra. UXena wayeba nexhala ngalo lonke ixesha kufuneka azise abahlobo bakhe abangamadoda kunye noogxa bakhe kuRyan. Ngokufuthi ngakumbi, kunokukhokelela kwiimpikiswano ezishushu phakathi kwabo babini. Xa oku kwaba yipateni, uXena waqonda ukuba nguye ukujongana nesoka elingakhuselekanga.

UXena wahlala phantsi uRyan waza wathetha naye. Wamxelela indlela awayeziva ngayo kwaye weva noRyan phandle. URyan wachaza ukuba ngamanye amaxesha wayeziva ngathi uXena unobuhlobo kakhulu kwaye abafana banokuzama ukuntshontsha intombi yakhe kude naye njengakubudlelwane bakhe bokugqibela. UXena noRyan baqonda ukuba ukungazithembi kwakhe kwakuvela phi baza bagqiba kwelokuba bakulungise.

Ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakho lineseti yeengcamango ezahlukileyo kunezakho akumenzi abe ngumntu ombi. Endaweni yokwenza intelekelelo kwaye ugxeke izimvo zabo kunye nenkqubo yeenkolelo, zama ukuqonda ukuba zivela phi. Ukuhlakulela lo mkhwa omncinci kuya kwenza imimangaliso kubudlelwane bakho.

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7. Izenzo zithetha ngaphezu kwamazwi ekwakheni ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo

UGeetarsh uthi: “Asingomagama owasebenzisayo kuphela kodwa kwanolwimi lwakho lomzimba yaye oko kunceda ukwakha ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kulwalamano,” ucacisa uGeetarsh, “Ukuhlola iqabane lakho, ukufowunela ukwazisa ukuba ukhuselekile okanye ukuba lisengqondweni yakho zonke zizinto ezikuncedayo ukwakha ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo emtshatweni okanye kulwalamano.”

Izinto ezincinci ezifana nokuqengqa amehlo okanye ukuwela iingalo xa uthetha ziyayilimaza incoko onayo. Inika ingcamango yokuba awumkeli. Ulwimi lomzimba ludlala indima kubudlelwane. Isenokuba bubuqili kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ingabikho zingqondweni kodwa inefuthe elikhulu kumntu esithetha naye. Mamela iqabane lakho ngengqondo evulekileyo kwaye iya kubonakala ngokuzenzekelayo kwizenzo zakho.

8. Funa iingcebiso ukulungisa ukunqongophala kokhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane

Kuthatha ezimbini ukuya kwi-tango kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ubudlelwane bunokuziva ngathi yindawo yemfazwe. Iminyaka yokwenzakala neentlungu iyafumba kwaye asikwazi ukubona eyona nto incinane ngokukhanya okungangcoliswanga. Isivakalisi ngasinye sibonakala sisityholo. Lonke uluvo oluvakalisiwe luziva lungahoywanga. Okukhona kusenzeka kokukhona uziva ungaviwa kwaye ungathandwa. Kwaye ulwalamano oluhle ngokukhawuleza luqala ukuziva luyityhefu.

Amaxesha amaninzi abantu abathandanayo bazifumanisa bengakwazi ukuphuma kulo mkhwa, nokuba ungakanani na umgudu owenziwe ngamaqabane omabini. Kwimeko enjalo ukufumana uncedo kumcebisi oqeqeshiweyo okanye ingcali yempilo yengqondo kungakunceda ukuguqula amandla akho. Ukuba ucinga ngokufuna uncedo, abacebisi abanelayisensi kunye nabanamava kwiphaneli yeBonobology balapha kuwe.

Kuthatha ixesha ukwakha ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane. Lilungu eliphambili le-a ubudlelwane obuphilileyo oko akufuneki kuthotywe. Kukho iindlela ezininzi umntu anokukhuthaza ukhuseleko lweemvakalelo kubudlelwane kunye nemizekelo eyahlukeneyo yokhuseleko lweemvakalelo isebenza ngokwahlukileyo kwisibini ngasinye.

Ngoko vula kwaye uthethe neqabane lakho kwaye uya kuyazi indlela emnandi ngayo ukuba kubudlelwane apho uviwe, uxatyiswe, kwaye uthandwa. Kwaye khumbula ukuba uncedo luyinto nje cofa kude.

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