Ukususela nini umtshato wakhe ufana nomgubo olinde ukugqabhuka? URita wayengakhumbuli. Kodwa kwakubonakala ngathi kudala ekubeni yena nomyeni wakhe babencokola ngoxolo okanye bahleka. Enyanisweni, incoko yayilinganiselwe, njengoko omabini amaqabane ayesoyika ukuba amazwi anokukhokelela kumlo. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo bekufuneka kubekho iindlela ezingcono zokulawula umsindo kubudlelwane kunokuthula, akunjalo?
Ukulawula umsindo kubudlelwane kufana nokuhamba ngentambo. Umsindo unjengekrele elintlangothi-mbini. Ukuba awulungiswanga kakuhle, umsindo unokukhokelela ekuthetheni, ukuxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo, kwanokuxhatshazwa emzimbeni. Kwelinye icala, ukuba umsindo ubonakaliswa ngokufanelekileyo kwaye ingxabano ilawulwa ngendlela ephilileyo, umsindo unokusondeza isibini kwaye womeleze ubudlelwane.
Ke, umntu unxibelelana njani kakuhle neemvakalelo zabo xa benomsindo? Ziziphi izizathu zomsindo kubudlelwane, kwaye zikhomba kwiingxaki ezinkulu ezisisiseko? Masiphendule yonke imibuzo yakho evuthayo, ukuze ukwazi ukuqonda ngcono indlela yokuhamba ngokuvutha komsindo kubudlelwane.
Iimbangela ezi-5 zomsindo kubudlelwane
Isiqulatho
2018 isifundo epapashwe kwiJenali yoPhando kuBuntu icacisa "umsindo ojikelezayo kubudlelwane bothando". Ichaza indlela ukuphathwa kakubi ngayo liqabane likabani elithandanayo okuwuvusayo umsindo, yaye oko kunokukhuthaza ukuphindisela kwempatho-mbi ekhokelela kumjikelo wokuziphatha owonakalisayo nomsindo. Ukuqhawula umjikelo, ubuncinci iqabane elinye kufuneka lenze ngengqondo kwaye lenqabe ukuthatha inxaxheba ekuziphatheni okulimazayo.
Ngokutsho kweengcali, abantu abatshatileyo bacaphuka ngakumbi kunabo bonke abanye abantu. Ukruthakruthwano lusenokuthi luvele emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane obuhlala kubudlelwane ngenxa nje yokusondelana rhoqo, ngakumbi kwezi ntsuku zomsebenzi-usuka ekhaya. Akukhomntu ogqibelele. Ukwahluka okulindelweyo kwi-a ubudlelwane bexesha elide kunokukhokelela kwimiba yomsindo.
Nangona kunjalo, kunokubakho izizathu ezicacileyo zomsindo kubudlelwane besibini. Unobangela usenokuba ngaphakathi okanye ngaphandle. “Ekuphela kwento afuna ndiyenze kukungxolisa ekubeni ndingenguye laa mkhwa uyiyo,” watsho uJosephine, ethetha ngengxabano eyayihlala ihleli emtshatweni wakhe engqonge izitya ezimdaka nempahla evuliweyo.
"Uyacaphuka, kwaye uyalahleka. Ngokuqinisekileyo unemiba yomsindo, ekubeni enye incoko ijika ibe yisigidi kwaye ngaphambi kokuba sazi, silwa malunga nelo xesha andizange ndithathe icala lakhe xa abahlobo bakhe benza inkcazo malunga nempahla yakhe. Andiyazi indlela yokusingatha iqabane elinemiba yokulawula umsindo, kwaye andazi nokuba yintoni ebangela ukugqabhuka kwakhe," uyongezelela.
Ukulawula umsindo wakho ngoko nangoko akuyonto isengqiqweni ehlabathini. Endaweni yoko, kuya kufuneka usebenze ngeenxa zonke kuyo, unxibelelane neemvakalelo zakho kwaye ufumanise ukuba wenze ntoni. Ukulawula umsindo osebenzayo kubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba omabini amaqabane avume izizathu ezisemva kwawo. Nazi ezinye izizathu eziqhelekileyo zangaphakathi zomsindo kubudlelwane:
1. Isizathu esikhulu somsindo kwingqumbo kubudlelwane: Ukukopela
Ukuthandana kunokubangela umsindo omkhulu kwiqabane eliqhathiweyo. Nokuba isibini siyakwazi ukuwucombulula lo mba size sihlale kunye, kusenokubakho ukuphulukana nokuthembana kunye nomsindo oseleyo. Uhlala uzibuza ukuba ufanele xolela iqabane eliqhathayo okanye hayi, nto leyo enokukhokelela kwingqumbo.
UMaya noDev babetshatile iminyaka emihlanu. Xa uDev wafumanisa ukuba uMaya wayethandana, wakhathazeka kakhulu. Nangona esi sibini sagqiba kwelokuba siwunike umtshato waso ithuba, uDev wayengenako ukuxolela okanye alibale. Oku kwakhokelela ekudubuleni rhoqo ngezinto ezincinci.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Xa Umfazi Esenza Imali Ngakumbi KunoMyeni
2. Imali
Ukuba iqabane elinye lilawula zonke izigqibo ezinxulumene nemali, oko kunokukhokelela kwingxabano enkulu nengqumbo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, iqabane elifumana umvuzo ongaphezulu kunye negalelo elingakumbi kwiimali zekhaya lenza izigqibo. Oku akulunganga ngenene.
Ngokomzekelo, abaninimzi basenokungabi nanto yakwenza noko imali echithwa kuyo. Nangona kunjalo, ekubeni sesona sizathu siphambili somsindo kubudlelwane, izibini kufuneka zithathe indlela elinganayo yokwenza izigqibo ezenza omabini amaqabane azive ehlonitshiwe kwaye exatyiswe.
3. Iingxaki zesini
Ukuba isibini asikwazi ukuxoxa ngeso sabo iingxaki zesondo ngokukhululekileyo kwaye ufune isisombululo, inokuba ngumthombo womsindo okhulayo. UNahomi wayenomdla wokwabelana ngesondo ophezulu xa kuthelekiswa noDavide, umyeni wakhe, owayengumntu othanda umsebenzi. Ngokufuthi, umyeni wakhe wayedinwe kakhulu okanye exakeke gqitha ukuba abe nomdla kwisini. Oku kwashiya uNahomi enganelisekanga yaye engonwabanga. Eyona nto yayimcaphukisa ngokwenene kukuba wayekhe wayithetha le ngxaki izihlandlo eziliqela kodwa umyeni wakhe wazama ukuyinciphisa le ngxaki.
4. Ukungabi nantlonipho nokuqonda
Xa elinye iqabane lihlekisa okanye lijongela phantsi elinye, oko kubonisa ukungabi nantlonelo. Ngamanye amaxesha kukho ukulingana kwamandla angalingani kubudlelwane. Iqabane elilawulayo lisenokubonakalisa ukungabi nantlonelo nomsindo rhoqo. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba iqabane elizithobayo aliziva. Umlinganiselo ophantsi ngokweemvakalelo kwelinye iqabane unokushiya elinye liziva lingaqondwa kakuhle.
Abanye oothunywashe bangaphakathi kukungavisisani kwezobupolitika nonqulo, ukwabiwa ngokungafanelekanga kwemisebenzi yasekhaya neembopheleleko zokunyamekela abantwana, ukungavisisani phakathi kwabasebukhweni, nokungavisisani ngendlela yokukhulisa abantwana. Izizathu zomsindo kubudlelwane zinokuba zininzi, okubalulekileyo kukuba zonke zikhomba ukuswela intlonipho emntwini.
5. Oonobangela bangaphandle
Ukuphazamiseka komsebenzi ngunobangela oqhelekileyo wangaphandle. UHelen waziva engaxatyiswa ngumphathi wakhe. Kwakhona waziva exhatshaziwe kuba wayesoloko ebonakala engumntu wokugqibela ukuphuma eofisini. Oku akuzange kumtyhafise nje kuphela yaye kumcinezele kodwa ukungabikho kokusesikweni kwamcaphukisa gqitha nasekhaya. Xa ebuya emsebenzini efika kukho isiphithiphithi ekhaya, wayevutha ngumsindo.
Ukungazithembi okanye ukuba a lawula into engaqhelekanga kunokukhokelela kwimiba yomsindo. Ukukhula kusapho olungasebenziyo okanye olunobundlobongela, ukusetyenziswa kakubi kweziyobisi, imiba yezempilo efana noxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu kunye nokudakumba, zezinye izinto zangaphandle. Kwanobushushu bunokumenza umntu abe nomsindo ngakumbi, ukuba ucinga ngako.
Ukuba usondela kwezi zizathu ngokuzama ukuqonda indlela yokulawula umsindo ngokukhawuleza kwaye ungawuvumeli ukuba ufike phezulu, awuhambi ngayo ngeyona ndlela ilungileyo. Ngaba unokuze uwulibale ngokupheleleyo umsindo wakho uze ungawuvumeli ukuba ubonakale ngamazwi?
Into elungileyo onokuyenza ke kukufumanisa indlela yokuyiqhuba. Ingakumbi ukuba uzama ukufumanisa indlela yokujongana nomntu onomsindo kubudlelwane, ukwazi indlela yokujongana neemvakalelo ezingalunganga ezikhukula ingqondo yakho lulwazi olubalulekileyo. Ngaphambi koko, nangona kunjalo, makhe sijonge ukuba injani hayi zilungiswe ngendlela eyiyo.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-21 zokuswela intlonipho kubudlelwane
Indlela Onokwenziwa Ngayo Umsindo Ngokungafanelekanga
Zintlanu iindlela eziqhelekileyo apho abantu abaninzi bajongana khona nomsindo - ukukhupha umoya, ukungathethi, ubundlobongela (i-barbs egqunyiweyo, ukuphoxa, ukucaphuka), ukucinezela, kunye nokuguqula umsindo ngaphakathi. Ukuphulukana nolawulo kunye nokuphuma phandle ngokungxama nangokungacingiyo kuthetha ukuba uthetha okanye wenza izinto eziyenzakalisa iqabane lakho kwaye ziyonakalisa ubudlelwane.
Enye indlela eyingozi yokwenza umsindo kukucinezela. Ngale ndlela umsindo uhlala ungaphantsi komhlaba ulungele ukugqabhuka ngeyona ngqumbo incinci. Ukucinezela umsindo ixesha elide kunokukhokelela kukungakhathali kunye nomgama ngokweemvakalelo phakathi kwamaqabane.
Xa uzama ukuphatha a iqabane elinemiba yokulawula umsindo, ungakhetha ukucinezela ezakho, ngeenzame zokungavumeli ukuba izinto zibe mbi ngakumbi. Kodwa xa ufikelele kumda wokucinezelwa kwaye awukwazi ukuthetha isiqwenga sakho kwakhona, izinto zinokuthatha ujiko olubi kakhulu.
Amaqhinga okumelana nengqumbo awonakalisa ulwalamano lwakho ngaphezu kokuba uyazi. Ngokungaqinisi izizathu zomsindo kubudlelwane, konke esikwenzayo kukuvumela iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo zivuthe kwi-cesspool yetyhefu, ephela ibetha ubudlelwane bethu. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba oko akwenzeki, ukucinga indlela yokujongana nayo kuyimfuneko.
Indlela yokujongana neMiba yoLawulo lomsindo kuBudlelwane
Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokulawula umsindo kubudlelwane kukuwulungisa nokuwubonakalisa ngokufanelekileyo. Ngokutsho kwengcali yengqondo yaseBengaluru kunye nomqeqeshi wokukhulisa abantwana, uGqr. Meghna Singhal: "Ukuphepha ukuziphatha okungenampilo kubudlelwane njengokuhlasela iqabane lakho ngokuthe ngqo (ukutyhola okanye ubundlobongela emzimbeni) okanye ngokungangqalanga (ngokuphoxa okanye ulwimi lomzimba, njengokuqengqa amehlo) linyathelo lokuqala lokujonga umsindo ngokufanelekileyo.”
Okwesibini, uthi, kubalulekile ukugcina unxibelelwano luvulekile kwaye luqondise kwaye usebenzise izitatimenti zika-'I' ukuhambisa iimvakalelo zakho kwiqabane lakho. Ngokomzekelo, ukuthi: “Ndiziva ndingaviwa xa ndisenza isicelo size singahoywa” kuguqulela ingqalelo kwiimvakalelo zakho kunokutyhola omnye umntu.
UGqr Singhal ugxininisa indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukukhetha ixesha elifanelekileyo lokuxoxa ngemibandela ephikisanayo. Kungcono ukuyihlehlisa ingxoxo kunokuba ube nayo xa unoxinzelelo – umzekelo, xa uphakathi kokulungiselela intetho!
"Inkalo yesithathu ebalulekileyo icacisa engqondweni yakho ukuba yintoni injongo yengxabano. Yintoni endiyifunayo? Ngaba ndifuna ukuqinisekiswa - ukuba iqabane lam livume indlela endivakalelwa ngayo? Okanye, ngaba ndifuna ukufumana isisombululo kwingxaki? Ukunxibelelana nale njongo kumlingane wakho kubalulekile, "utsho. Nanga amanye amacebiso ngendlela yokulawula umsindo kubudlelwane:
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Umele Usabele Njani Xa Iqabane Lakho Lithetha Izinto Ezibuhlungu?
1. Yiqonde imiqondiso yokuba nomsindo
Ingcebiso yokuqala yokulawula umsindo kubudlelwane kukuqonda xa usendleleni yokucaphuka. Ezi zezinye zeempawu eziqhelekileyo zokulumkisa - ukubopha okanye ukushwabana kwezandla, ukuphefumla ngokukhawuleza, ukuziva ugungxulwe, ukungcangcazela kwelizwi, ukuhambahamba egumbini, ukuminxa esifubeni, ukuxinana kwentamo namagxa, kunye nokubetha kwentloko.
2. Shiya indawo yongquzulwano
Oku kufana nokunika umntwana ixesha lokuphola. Ngaphambi kokuba uhambe, xelela iqabane lakho ukuba ufuna ixesha uwedwa. Sukuhamba uvuthuza ubetha ucango emva kwakho. Kwaye, khumbula ukuqhawula unxibelelwano kubudlelwane akukusi ndawo.
U-Rhea wafumanisa ukuba isicwangciso "sokuphela kwexesha" siluncedo kakhulu kumtshato wakhe oneziphithiphithi. Ukuba wayengalishiyanga igumbi amaxesha amaninzi umlo ombi wawusiya umkhulu, umtshato wakhe ngewawuwile kwiminyaka eyadlulayo. Ukuba uzama ukujongana nomntu onemiba yomsindo kubudlelwane, ukuthatha ixesha lokufumana indlela yokuqhuba iimvakalelo zakho kuya kunceda kakhulu.
3. Yamkela imithambo embalwa yokulawula umsindo
Ezi zezinye zeendlela ezilula zokulawula umsindo onokuziqhelanisa nazo. Hamba uhambe ngokukhawuleza njengoko umthambo unokunceda ukususa umsindo. Ziqhelise ukuphefumla ngokunzulu. Bala ngokucothayo ukuya kwikhulu. Zama ukuzithetha-zixelele ukuba uphumle. Kuyanceda ukubhala phantsi oko kubangela umsindo wakho.
Ukumamela umculo opholileyo, ukuchitha ixesha kunye nesilwanyana sakho sasekhaya, okanye ukuzifumanela ikomityi yeti nako kunokunceda. Izicwangciso zexesha elide zokulawula umsindo ziquka i-yoga, ukucamngca, kunye nokuziqhelanisa nokuphumla kwemisipha okuqhubekayo ukulwa noxinzelelo.
4. Kuphephe ukukhalazela umntu wesithathu
Xa ukhona unomsindo neqabane lakho kukho ukuthambekela kokwabelana ngeenkcukacha zokulwa nomntu othembekileyo - umhlobo osondeleyo okanye ilungu lentsapho. Nangona oku kunokukunika isiqabu sexeshana, iqabane lakho lisenokuzikhusela. Kungcono niwulungise umcimbi phakathi kwenu nobabini. Maxa wambi, xa elinye iqabane licaphuka gqitha, kusenokufuneka ukuba nesabelo.
Imbono yomntu wesithathu inokuba luncedo ekufumaneni ingcaciso. Iqela labagwebi lingaphandle kweli nqaku, kodwa zama ukuba ungathethi ngezinto kwabanye abantu ezinokwenza iqabane lakho lizive libuhlungu. Ukuba wenjenjalo, usenokugqiba ekubeni ubanike esinye isizathu sokukucaphukisa.
5. Qonda owona mthombo womsindo
Ngamanye amaxesha unobangela womsindo unokuba yinto encinci kodwa kusenokubakho unobangela onzulu. Ngokomzekelo, unokuba nomsindo ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakho likugcina ulindile.
Oyena nobangela womsindo usenokuba kukuziva ungakhuselekanga njengoko usenokuvakalelwa kukuba awubalulekanga ngokwenene ebomini bakhe. Okanye, umsindo unokuba ufihla ixhala lakho lokuba uya kuba semva kwesiganeko. Kwimeko enjalo, ukulawula umsindo kunye nokuxhalaba zibalulekile zombini.
6. Chonga iindlela zokucinga ezingafanelekanga
'Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo' kusenokuba ngunobangela womsindo ngamanye amaxesha. Abanye babo benza izinto ngokubanzi, bathathela yonke into ngokobuqu, babeke ityala, bazithobe kwizinto ezilungileyo, bakhawuleze bafikelele kwisigqibo, bayibaxe imeko, baze babeke ityala iqabane ngemibandela nje engento. Ukuqonda oku kugqwethwa kuya kukunceda uhlengahlengise indlela ocinga ngayo ngendlela eyakhayo nangenyani.
Kunokuba uzame ukuwulawula ngokukhawuleza umsindo, kufuneka ucinge ngeendlela ezingafanelekanga ezibangela umsindo. Ngaloo ndlela, uya kukwazi ukufumanisa oko kufuneka ulungise.
7. Lahla utyekelo lokufukama
Musa ukuwuvutha umsindo wakho ngokucinga ngeziganeko ezenzakalisayo zexa elidluleyo. Yiyeke inzondo. Oku kuya kuqinisekisa ukuba ixesha elidlulileyo alingeneleli ngoku kwaye lidibanise umsindo wakho. Nanini na xa uRichard noRene besilwa, yayilixesha likaRichard. Wayenomkhwa olishwa wokukhumbula zonke izinto ezibuhlungu uRene awayezithethile kuye kwimilo yangaphambili. Oku kwamenza wanomsindo ngakumbi.
8. Thetha wakuba wehlile
Nje ukuba uphole kwaye ucinge ngezinto ezisentloko yakho, lixesha lokuba uthethe neqabane lakho. Qinisekisa ukuba iqabane lakho nalo liyilungele ingxoxo. Ukuba ucela uxolo, yenze. Qikelela kodwa ungaphikisani. Chaza ngokucacileyo into oyifunayo kwaye uchaze ukuba yintoni isisombululo sakho kwingxaki. Ukuba uziva ukuba umoya ulungile, ungazama ukusebenzisa uburharha ukusasaza uxinzelelo. Ngaphandle kokuthetha, mamela iqabane lakho.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokuyeka ukucaphuka kunye nomsindo kubudlelwane
9. Musa ukugxila ekuphumeleleni
Ekugqibeleni, akubalulekanga ukuba umntu omnye aphumelele ingxabano. Kubalulekile ukusombulula umcimbi ngokwanelisa amaqabane omabini. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba awukwazi ukufikelela kwisivumelwano soxolo, funda ukuyeka. Yazi ixesha lokuyeka ukulwa. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba uzama ukujongana nomntu onemiba yomsindo kubudlelwane. Iingxoxo azikho malunga “nokuphumelela”. Nikane ixesha lokuphola, nizame ukuqonda ukuba yintoni injongo yalo mlo.
10. Funa uncedo lweengcali
Ukuba uziva ukuba umsindo ubonakalisa ukutshabalalisa impilo yakho yomzimba nengqondo kunye nolwalamano lwakho, kusenokuba lixesha lokufuna uncedo. Iiklasi zokulawula umsindo ziya kukuxhobisa ngeendlela eziluncedo. Ungakhetha unyango (okanye unyango lwesibini) apho unokuqonda izizathu ezinzulu zomsindo wakho ngcono.
Ukuba awukwazi ukugubungela intloko yakho malunga nezizathu zomsindo kubudlelwane bakho okanye uzama ukuphatha iqabane ngemicimbi yokulawula umsindo, ukufuna uncedo lwengcali kunokukunceda ukuba ufike ezantsi kwayo. Ukuba luncedo olufunayo, iphaneli yeBonobolgy yeengcali zempilo yengqondo lilungu nje. cofa aphay.
Njengoko kukhankanyiwe ngaphambilana, umsindo unokungqineka uluncedo kwiimeko ezithile. UGqr. Singhal uthi: “Ukuba umoya uphefumla ngendlela ephilileyo, ngoko umsindo unokusenza sisondelelane ngakumbi isibini.” Oku kunokukhokelela kuthando olungakumbi nolwalamano olusenyongweni.
Yingcamango ephosakeleyo yokuba umsindo awuyonxalenye yobudlelwane obuphilileyo. Kodwa indlela isibini esiqhubana ngayo nomsindo kulwalamano lwaso isenokuba ngumahluko phakathi kokuhlala kunye okanye ukuhamba ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Ukulawula umsindo okunempilo kubandakanya ukuqonda uvakalelo kuwe kwaye udlulisele umyalezo wakho onomsindo kwiqabane lakho ngendlela efanelekileyo, eyakhayo.
FAQs
Umsindo yimvakalelo eqhelekileyo yomntu, kwaye wonke umntu unyanzelekile ukuba awuve, ngakumbi kubudlelwane. Ingxaki ivela xa ingaqondwa kwaye kujongwana nayo. Xa kunjalo, umsindo kubudlelwane awubangeli umonakalo ngokwasemzimbeni okanye ngokwasengqondweni kwelinye lamaqabane. Nokuba ungakanani na umsindo okanye ubungakanani bomsindo, ukuba awusingathwanga ngokufanelekileyo, sisizathu sokuxhalaba.
Umsindo awusoloko uyimvakalelo engafanelekanga. Ukuba kukho into eyenziwe liqabane lakho ekucaphukisile, kuqhelekile kwaye kuyakhuthazwa ukuba uthethe ngayo. Kodwa xa umsindo uzibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okungenampilo kunye netyhefu, ayidli ngokujongwa njengesiqhelo okanye into efanele ukwenzeka.
Ungazola njani xa intombazana yakho incokola nabanye abafana
Iindlela ezili-9 zokuziqhelanisa neNgqondo kubudlelwane obusenyongweni
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
