Yintoni umcimbi wokuqonda? Luthando olubandakanya umntu omnye okanye ababini abatshatileyo abazimiseleyo. Ukuba uyaqala ukuva eli gama, ngoko ndincoma ubumsulwa bakho. Imicimbi yobulumko ayiqhelekanga njengoko unokucinga; inani labantu abazibandakanya kuzo lisenokukubhida ingqondo.
Njengomntu oye wabandezeleka ngenxa yobudlelwane obunengqiqo, ndingatsho ukuba ayindonakalisi nje ingqondo yam kodwa indenze ndaxakwa kubuchule bengcuka obufana neqabane lam lokukhupha ubudlelwane ngokufihlakeleyo iminyaka emine. Abanye banokuphikisa ukuba igama elithi, ubudlelwane obunengqiqo, akukho nto kodwa yindlela eyinkimbinkimbi yokuthetha ukukopela, ukungcatsha, ubuqhophololo, kunye nokuthandana ngaphandle komtshato.
Ukuba ubuza ukuba yintoni ebangela ukuba ubuhlobo bube bubulumko, nantsi impendulo: ukuthandana kukwenza ngobulumko xa kungekho mntu unolwazi oluncinane ngalo mcimbi ngaphandle kwakho kunye nalo nithandana naye. Ayingomhlobo wabo osenyongweni, hayi abantakwabo, okanye abalingane babo. Akukho mntu waziyo ukuba olu budlelwane bukhona. Ulwalamano oluyingqondi luya kukunika zonke izinto eziyimfuneko zokuba nobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, ngaphandle kokuba emva kokwenza uthando, wena kunye nomthathi-nxaxheba kufuneka ubuyele ekhaya kumaqabane akho okwenene kwaye ushiye loo nto yokubalekela okwethutyana emva kwegumbi lehotele.
Yintoni Egqalwa Njengomba Wokuqiqa?
Isiqulatho
Ngoku khawufane ucinge utshatile or kudala uthandana nomntu kodwa uyadika. Ufumana yonke into eqhelekileyo. Ufuna ukunonga izinto ebomini bakho ngenxa yokuba uphoswa kukungxama kwe-adrenaline, uphoswa yimincili yokuleqwa okanye ukuleqa umntu ngaphandle kokufumanisa omnye umntu ngayo.
Ucinga eyakho ubomi bomtshato buyadika okanye ukuhla okanye uqala ukuzibuza ukuba kukho into engekhoyo kwigumbi lokulala. Ngoko uqala ubudlelwane nomntu omtsha, umcimbi oqondayo. Ngaba ngokwenene yahlukile kunokukopela rhoqo? Hayi. Umahluko kuphela okhoyo phakathi kwentsingiselo yobudlelwane obuqondayo kunye nento eyaziwa ngokuba kukukopela kukuba ungabaleka ude ubanjwe. Kuze kube ngoko, ihlala "ingumcimbi oyingqondi".
Awuvani umlomo malunga nokuthandana kwangaphandle komtshato. Inokuqala njengendawo yothando emsebenzini. Emva koko ikhokelela ekubeni nidibane nobabini ngaphandle kweofisi, ejika ngokukhawuleza ibe ngumcimbi wokuqonda. Niyonwabile, umntu othandana naye ngokuqonda uyonwaba. Usenokude uqalise ukucinga ukuba ayibangeli mntu umonakalo logama nje uyigcina ingaphantsi. Kodwa awunakuba ungalunganga ngakumbi.
Ngaba Kuyenzeka Ngenene Ukuba Nomcimbi Owungqondi?
Ewe, kunokwenzeka. Ngaba uyazibuza ukuba ungawenza njani umtshato othembekileyo? Nantsi into ekufuneka uyenzile – sukuxelela umphefumlo ngayo. Musa ukusebenzisa iitransekshini zombane ukuhlawula amatyala. Sebenzisa imali naphi na apho uya khona. Musa ukugcina inombolo yabo, nkqu nesibizo. Ungabhali kwanto naphi na, kwijenali yakho, idayari yakho eyimfihlo, okanye kumanqaku akho. Qinisekisa ukuba uhlamba ngaphambi kokuba ubuyele ekhaya. Awufuni ukuba iqabane lakho linukise ivumba lomnye umntu kuwe.
Funda amaqhinga ambalwa ukukhohlisa iqabane lakho kwaye ube namaqhinga. Voila! Kukho iresiphi yakho egqibeleleyo malunga nendlela yokuphumelela umcimbi onengqondo. Ukuba nobulumko kulwalamano akungomsebenzi olula. Sekunjalo abantu bazibandakanya kuyo. Ngoba?
Kwi isifundo zibizwa Ukuba nekeyiki yakho kwaye uyitye nayo: Izinto ezichaphazela uLwaneliseko loBomi ngexesha leNtsebenziswano yangaphandle ehambelanayo neNtsebenziswano yokuqala, kwiqula labali-1 070 ekwadliwan’ indlebe nabo, abasixhenxe kwabalishumi bavuma ukuba ukuba neentlobano zesini ngaphandle komtshato kwakubenza bazive baneliseke ngakumbi emtshatweni wabo yaye kwabanika ulwaneliseko olungakumbi ebomini. Oko kunika imbono ethile kummangaliso wokuzifica kwinto eya kubangela intshabalalo kuphela, akunjalo?
Andikwazi ukuzibamba kodwa ndibuze ukuma kwam okucalu-calulo apha kuba ndiyoyika ukuba ithoni yam iya kubonisa ukuzithoba okukhulu kunye nokungahoywa kwabantu abathatha inxaxheba kwimicimbi yengqiqo. Intsingiselo yobudlelwane obuyingqondi inomthwalo omninzi kum ngokobuqu. Kodwa ndiyaqikelela ukuba yiloo nto eya kwenza ukuba amava akho okufunda abe yinyani ngakumbi njengoko iyinyani emathanjeni ayo. Yiyo loo nto kufuneka uyifunde. Kuba iphuma ngqo entliziyweni yomntu okhe watyhubela kuyo yonke loo nto.
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Izinto ezi-7 omele uzazi malunga nokuba neNgcaciso yoBulumko
Isoloko ivakala iklitshi, akunjalo? Uyadika. Umdala. Ujongene nobunzima bobomi obuphakathi. Udinga into eyakuvuyisa ngaphandle kobuso obonwabileyo beqabane lakho okanye ukugigitheka kwabantwana bakho. Hayi, ezi zinto azonelanga. Ufuna enye into ukukukhumbuza ukuba awuphili nje, kodwa ubetha ngamandla. Uphume iiwebhsayithi zomcimbi onengqondo. Ufumana umntu oshushu, mhlawumbi umntu oshushu ngakumbi kuneqabane lakho langoku.
Uyabawa kwaye uzicingele ngomzuzu uthumela loo DM. Kungekudala olo tshintshiselwano lokuqala lujika lube yimiyalezo ebhaliweyo kwaye emva koko ugqibe kwelokuba udibane nabo. Unokucinga ukuba ukudibana nalo mntu mtsha kuya kubuyisela ulonwabo lwakho kodwa lo mcimbi wobulumko uzisa ulonwabo lomzuzwana kuphela. Ukuba nobulumko kubudlelwane kufuna umsebenzi omninzi. Yintoni ebangela ukuba uzive ngathi ufanelekile? Kumnandi kwaye yimidlalo de izinto zibe yinyani kwaye iqabane lakho libhence bonke ubuxoki bakho. Ke ngaphambi kokuba ucinge ngokuthandana ngokuqonda, nantsi izinto ezisixhenxe omele uzazi malunga nokuba nomnye:
1. Ngaba sisondo nje?
Ihlabathi liqhuba kwizinto ezimbini - imali kunye nesondo. Ngamanye amaxesha ukuthandana ngaphandle komtshato kunokwenzeka nje malunga nesondo. Inokwenzeka ngexesha lobushushu bomzuzu. Umntu osebenza naye uncike phambi kwakho kwaye ubambe umbono we-cleavage yakhe. Imeko iya iba shushu kwaye iqhume kwaye ugqibe ekubeni ube negalelo elincinci kuyo yonke indawo yokusebenza yothando. Kodwa loo nto isenokuzikhawulela kwindawo yokuma yobusuku obunye.
Xa ubusuku obunye bujika bube bubusuku obuninzi, ngumcimbi wokuqonda. Abanye abantu bacinga ukuba akukho mntu batyalayo ngokuthembeka kwabo. Ukuba banelungelo lokwabelana ngesondo naye nabani na abamfunayo nokuba ubume babo bobudlelwane. Umcimbi wokuqonda ubandakanya umntu omnye okanye ababini abatshatileyo, ngoko awucingi ukuba sele befumana isini kwabanye babo ababalulekileyo? Ngoko, ngokucacileyo akukhona nje ngesondo.
Eyona nto iphambili ekhokelela abantu ekuqhathweni kukungazithembi. Bacinga ukuba ukuthandwa ngabantu abangaphezulu komnye kuya kubenza bazijonge ngokwabo. A isifundo zibizwa Yintoni eyenziwa ngabantu, bathini, kwaye bazive xa benemicimbi? eyenze udliwano-ndlebe nabantu abangama-495 ibonisa ukuba, eneneni, kukho izizathu ezisibhozo eziphambili zokuba abantu baqhathe—umsindo, ukungazithembi, ukungabi naluthando, ukuzinikela okuphantsi, imfuneko yokwahluka, ukungakhathalelwa, kunye nemeko okanye iimeko ngaphandle komnqweno wesini.
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2. Kukwaphulwa kokugqibela
Luluphi ulwaphulo-mthetho lokugqibela lobudlelwane? Ukukopa. Esona sizathu siphambili sokuba abantu bajonge enye into engaphaya koko banayo kukufuna kwabo ukuqinisekiswa. Ukususela kwinkangeleko yabo yangaphandle ukusa kubuntu babo, isiqinisekiso sinokuba kuyo nantoni na. Isenokwenzeka kwakhona ngenxa yokuziva ulilolo. Uziva ngathi iqabane lakho alikuthandi okanye awulithandi iqabane lakho. Awufuni ukubaxelela ngenxa yokuba ungafuni ukubabona bebuhlungu, ngoko uyazibandakanya kwi emsebenzini uthando okanye uye kwiiwebhusayithi zomcimbi ukuze uzigcine uzonwabisa.
Ngaba kububulumko ukwenza oko? Kutheni ungasindisi iqabane lakho intlungu eyongezelelweyo oya kubabangela ngokuba nobudlelwane obunengqiqo? Ukuba unesibindi sokukopela umntu, ngoko uqinisekile ukuba isihogo sinesibindi sokuvuma ukuba awusamthandi kwaye ufuna ukuphelisa ubudlelwane. Gcina iqabane lakho kubomi bokungakhuseleki ngokunyaniseka.
3. Isimbo sokuncamathela esingakhuselekanga
Isimbo sokuncamathela esingakhuselekanga sithetha ukuzaliswa luloyiko, ukungaqiniseki, okanye ukungazithembi malunga nobudlelwane obusondeleyo bomntu ngenxa yeemfuno zakho zeemvakalelo ezingafezekiyo njengomntwana. Kunye nokuncamathela okungakhuselekanga kuza nokulawulwa kakubi ngokweemvakalelo, ukuzixabisa okuphantsi, kwaye, ngaphezu kwako konke, uloyiko lokulahlwa. Isenokubangelwa yimiba yokuzibophelela.
Ukuba unengxaki yokuhlala uthembekile, ke wena banemiba yokuzibophelela. Ikwabizwa ngokuba yi-phobia yokuzinikela okanye uloyiko lokuzibophelela. Abantu abanemicimbi yobulumko abanawo amandla okunyaniseka kumntu omnye. Basenokucinga ukuba bafanelwe luthando oluvela kubantu abaninzi. Abanalungelo lokuba ngumfazi omnye-indoda okanye ngokuphambeneyo.
Imfuneko yokuba nobudlelwane obunengqiqo ubukhulu becala yendele nzulu. Bafuna ukuqinisekiswa ngumntu omnye. Isenokuba ngenxa ye-inferiority complex, abazama ukuyifihla njenge-hedonist kunye nokuziphatha okuzikhukhumezayo. Ezi ziimvakalelo ezigqunyiweyo zomntu ongazicingeli ngokunzulu. Yiyo ke loo nto imincili yokwazi ukuba banobudlelwane obunengqiqo, bokukhohlisa iqabane labo, buphakamisa ugwebo lwabo olungcono.
4. Kutheni amadoda nabafazi benobudlelwane obulumkileyo
Inkoliso yamadoda ifuna ukuba nobuhlobo obunengqiqo kuba ifuna ukwazi ukuba isanqweneleka kusini na. Ukhangela iziqinisekiso komnye umntu ongenguye umfazi wakhe. Amanye amadoda akhetha umtshato onengqondo kuba elinye iqela alinakulindela kubudlelwane. Kumnandi nje ngaphandle kwengxaki yokuzibophelela
Abasetyhini, ngokuqhelekileyo, baqala umcimbi wokuqonda kuba befuna ukuhoywa. Mhlawumbi umyeni wabo okanye isoka liyasilela ukubanika ingqalelo abayifunayo okanye abayifaneleyo, ngoko bathatha indlela eyahlukileyo baze baphele benobudlelwane obunengqiqo nomntu obathandayo ngendlela abanqwenela ukuthandwa ngayo.
5. Ngaba unobudlelwane obunengqiqo njengendlela yokuphelisa umtshato wakho?
Oku kudla ngokuba yindlela engaphantsi kwengqondo yokuzama ukuphuma kubudlelwane. Ngokucothayo uye uqiniseke ukuba awusafuni ukuba kubudlelwane bakho bangoku. Awuyazi ukuba uyamfuna lomntu kwikamva lakho. Uyoyika ukuwushiya umtshato kwaye ngokungazi kakuhle uyazi ukuba umcimbi uya kuba njalo phelisa umtshato wakho.
Nje ukuba uqale umcimbi wobulumko, yonke into iyacaca kuwe. Unonyawo olunye emtshatweni wakho, olunye kumcimbi wakho wokuqonda. Emva kwexesha elithile uya kungcangcazela. Iinyawo zakho ziya kungcangcazela kwaye uyazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba umtshato wakho awuyi kuphila xa iqabane lakho lifumanisa malunga nomcimbi onengqondo.
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6. Ubudlelwane obunengqiqo yindlu yamakhadi
Olunye isakhono esibalulekileyo osifunayo xa uthandana ngokuqonda kukukwazi ukuxoka. Ubuqhetseba bokungathintithi ngoxa uxoka buya kuba luncedo kwabo bafuna ukuba nobuhlobo obunengqiqo. Ngaba umcimbi oyimfihlo uhlala? Ngaba? Umcimbi onengqiqo ufana nendlu yamakhadi. Kunqwenelwa ukuba kudilike ngenye imini.
Ayisiso isenzo esibekekileyo umntu anokuzingca ngaso. Usenokuthatha inxaxheba kumcimbi wobulumko ngenxa yokuba umyeni wakho unawo uphelelwe ngumdla kuwe ngokwesondo okanye umfazi wakho akakunelisi ngokwesini . Ucinga ukuba iqabane lakho alikuqondi okanye alikuqondi iimfuno zakho, nokuba kungokwesondo okanye ngokwengqondo. Naluphi na uhlobo lokungathembeki kukungathembeki ekupheleni kosuku. Awunako ukuthethelela umcimbi onengqondo kuba iimfuno zakho azifezekanga.
7. Kubuhlungu
Ukuba awukho ikholwa eliqinileyo le-monogamy kwaye ukuba iqabane lakho liyayazi le nto kwaye bazimisele ukwamkela okanye ukunika ithuba lokuba ubudlelwane polyamorous, ngoko akukho bungozi ekujongeni iinketho zakho. Kodwa ukuba iqabane lakho aliyazi malunga nezikreqo zakho, ngoko uya kuba ngunobangela wobusuku obungenakubalwa bokulala komntu xa i-jig iphezulu malunga nomcimbi wakho onengqondo.
Ngokuzibophelela kumntu omnye, abanye abantu bacinga ukuba bayaphoswa kukuba nexesha elimnandi nabanye abantu, mhlawumbi abantu ababhetele kunalo bakunye nabo ngoku. Ngoko bathabatha ithuba lokuba nobudlelwane obunengqiqo. Ayivavanyi nje ulwalamano onalo neqabane lakho, ikwavavanya nolwalamano lwakho nabahlobo bakho, abazali, kunye nabo basondeleyo kuwe.
Ukukopa okanye ukungakohlisi-Ngumbuzo wokwenyani lowo
Ebomini, sihlala silingeka ukuba sizame izinto ezintsha. Luvavanyo lokuziphatha kwethu. Xa emva kweminyaka emine, ndafumanisa malunga neqabane lam elinobuqili, ndothuswa bubuchule bakhe bokukhohlisa kunye nokukhanyisa igesi. Umntu unokuya kude kangakanani ukufihla i-perfidy yakhe? Kuyavela, kude kakhulu. Bangaya kude kunentelekelelo yakho.
Xa kubanjwa abaqhatha, ekuphela kwempendulo abanayo kukuba, “Bendingazimiselanga kukwenzakalisa.” Ngokunyanisekileyo? Uxelele ubuxoki bebhiliyoni kuyo yonke iminyaka yokuba kubudlelwane obunengqiqo kodwa uyasilela ukuza nobuxoki obunye obulungileyo xa ekugqibeleni udibana nokujongana. Ubucinga ukuba uza kuthini xa ubhaqwe?
Ukuba ungomnye umntu onjalo ongalaziyo ityala okanye akakuxabisi ukunyaniseka kweqabane lakhe okanye nje akahloniphi iqabane lakhe, ngoko unokuqhubeka okanye uqalise umcimbi wokuqonda. Kodwa musa ukuba ne-cocky kakhulu, wonke umntu uyabanjwa kuba i-karma inkulu kune-ego yakhe nabani na. Uya kubanjwa kwaye kuya kufuneka ujongane nomculo. Kwaye akuyi kuba mnandi.
Abanye abantu banesikhumba esishinyeneyo kangangokuba ababi natyala. Abanayo kodwa imicimbi emininzi elumkileyo kwaye akukho nto ibathintelayo ukuba balale ngoxolo ebusuku. Abo bantu bayinzala kaSathana. Ukuba unethamsanqa ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungabanjwa, ke u-kudos kuwe ngokubamba ubugcisa bokukhohlisa.
Iimpawu eziphambili
- Ukuthandana kunengqondo xa kungekho mntu unolwazi malunga nalo mcimbi ngaphandle kwakho kunye nalo uthandana naye.
- Izizathu zokuba abantu bakopele zinokusuka kumsindo, ukuzithemba, ukungabi naluthando, ukuzinikela okuphantsi, imfuno yokwahluka, ukungahoywa, kunye nemeko okanye imeko ukuya kuthi ga kumnqweno wesini.
- Imfuneko yokuba nobudlelwane obunengqiqo ubukhulu becala yendele nzulu. Umntu unokufuna ukuqinisekiswa ngabantu abangaphezulu komnye, abe nesimbo sokuncamathela esingakhuselekanga okanye ubuphantsi obuphantsi.
- Imicimbi elumkileyo ikwayeyona ndlela yokuzama ngokungenangqondo ukuphuma kubudlelwane obuphambili obukhoyo
- Imicimbi yindlu yamakhadi elungele ukudilika kwaye ekugqibeleni ibangele ukwenzakala okukhulu kumaqela abandakanyekayo
Ukuba ubandakanyeka kumcimbi onengqondo, okanye uhlala uziva unyanzelekile ukuba ... ukuba uziva ungathanda ukwenza okulungileyo ngeqabane lakho kwaye uphume ucocekile… iqela labacebisi abanamava.
FAQs
Imicimbi igcinwa ngobulumko ngokuqwalasela iinkcukacha. Ukungabelani ngemfihlo nabani na, ukuthengiselana ngemali, ukungagcini inombolo yefowuni yeqabane lakho, kunye nokuhlamba emva kokudibana zonke ziindlela abantu abagcina ngayo imicimbi yabo.
Ngaphezulu kwe-50% yemicimbi ihlala ixesha elide kunenyanga kodwa ngaphantsi konyaka. Kodwa iimeko zomntu ngamnye zinokwahluka. Imicimbi eyimfihlo yindlu yamakhadi ethi, ekugqibeleni, iwa phantsi.
Impendulo yalo mbuzo ixhomekeke kakhulu. Imicimbi ngokwendalo ayifanelanga ukuba luthando lokwenyani. Kodwa ubudlelwane bexesha elide bunokujika lube luthando ukuba kuthe kwavela ukuba lunxibelelwano olunentsingiselo oluphilileyo olunentsingiselo apho omabini amaqabane aziva efuna ukuzibophelela kulo.
IiNyaniso ezili-9 malunga neMicimbi yoBomi bonke ngaphandle komtshato
Ungalibamba Njani Iqabane eliQhathayo-Amaqhinga ali-9 okukunceda
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
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