Ukufunda indlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunokuba nzima kuba kuthatha ixesha ukuba abantu baqonde kwaye bamkele ukuba bakunye. Kuthatha ixesha ukuba babone ubudlelwane obuyityhefu kwaye baqonde ipsychology yokuhlala kubudlelwane obubi. Ngelo xesha, ubudlelwane be-dynamics buvuthwa kwaye umonakalo omkhulu wenziwa.
Ukubuyela umva kule nzonzobila kwaye ubambe ubudlelwane obuyityhefu, udinga idrive ukuyenza isebenze ngazo zonke iindleko. Ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunye nesoka okanye intombi okanye iqabane, udinga intando yokwenza umsebenzi ofunekayo ukususa ubutyhefu okanye ubukrakra kwibhondi yakho. Nangona kunjalo, ukukwazi ukujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu kunye nokwenza ukuba busebenze akukho lula. Ayiyi kwenzeka ngobusuku.
Ukuphatha umntu onetyhefu okanye ukuhlala emtshatweni kunokuba nzima ngokwenene. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uzibophelele kwesi sizathu, makhe sithathe umzuzwana ukuqonda indlela yokuqaphela ubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Siye sathetha nomcebisi Neelam Vats (i-CBT eqinisekisiweyo kunye ne-NLP practitioner), onamava angaphezu kwamashumi amabini eminyaka yokunceda abantwana, abafikisayo kunye nabantu abadala bajongane nemiba enxulumene nokudakumba, ukuxhalaba, ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu kunye neenkxalabo zomsebenzi, malunga neempawu kunye neendlela zokuphatha ubudlelwane obuyityhefu.
Isilumkiso Iimpawu A Toxic Relationship
Isiqulatho
Igama elithi toxic lisetyenziswa ukuchaza ubudlelwane apho amandla eguquguqukayo agqwethekile kangangokuba elinye iqabane okanye omabini aqala ukuziva ephelelwe ngamandla ngokwasemoyeni nasengqondweni. Kwiimeko ezininzi, ubudlelwane obuyityhefu buphawulwa ngokudlala ngamandla kunye nokongamela. Oku kuthetha ukuba kukho elinye iqabane elinetyhefu elinomoya wokuzingca nokuzicingela oqala ukuthatha umonakalo kwelinye.
Kwezinye iimeko ezinqabileyo, nangona kunjalo, ubutyhefu kubudlelwane bunokuba yindlela ezimbini. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba omnye wamaqabane ebenotyekelo lwendalo oluyityhefu. Ukwenza lo mdaniso ungekho mpilweni kunye nabo kubangele elinye iqabane ukuba lifake enye yetyhefu.
Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, ukuba kubudlelwane obuyityhefu yinto engathandekiyo kwaye ekhupha amanzi enokuthi ichaphazele impilo yakho yomzimba nengqondo. Ngoko ke, ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba izinto ezingalunganga kubudlelwane bakho zigqithise kakhulu kwizinto ezilungileyo, nikela ingqalelo kwezi iimpawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obuyityhefu. Nje ukuba uyazi ukuba lubudlelwane obuyityhefu, ungafumana ikhondo lakho elilandelayo lesenzo.
- Unxibelelwano olunobutshaba: Unxibelelwano lungundoqo kwintsebenziswano eyimpumelelo. Ngokutsho kukaNeelam, “Ukukhwaza, ukusebenzisa amabinzana ahlabayo, ukugibisela okanye ukwaphula izinto, ukunika iqabane labo intetho ethe cwaka, okanye ukubandakanyeka ekutyholweni zezinye zeempawu zonxibelelwano olubi kulwalamano.” Ukuba awunxibelelani kakuhle neqabane lakho, i-equation yakho okanye ibhondi mhlawumbi iyityhefu
- Ukulawula ukuziphatha: Ihambo enjalo idla ngokubangelwa kukungathenjwa okanye ukufuna ukulawula. UNeelam uthi, “Ukuba iqabane lakho lisoloko likuxelela into efanelekileyo, ngokutsho kwalo, likugrogrisa, lizama ukusebenzisa amandla ebomini bakho, licela ukufikelela kwizixhobo zakho zobuqu, yazi ukuba lizama ukukulawula kwaye luphawu lobudlelwane obuyityhefu.
- Ukuxoka rhoqo: NgokukaNeelam, amaqabane akubudlelwane obuyityhefu abhenela ekunganyaniseki. Basoloko bexoka ngendawo abakuyo, abantu abadibana nabo, okanye ngezinto abazenzayo. Isenokuba kungenxa yokuba banexhala lokuba iqabane elinetyhefu linokusabela njani xa lixelelwe inyani okanye lisenokungafuni kuchitha ixesha kunye nabo.
- Uxinzelelo lwarhoqo: Kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, amaqabane ahlala ephantsi koxinzelelo, ngakumbi lowo usekupheleni kokufumana ubuthi, uyacacisa uNeelam. Bahlala beziva bediniwe kwaye bediniwe. Bahlala besemphethweni malunga nemibandela engabalulekanga okanye akukho miba konke konke. Imingeni engaphandle enxulumene nosapho, umsebenzi, okanye abahlobo nabo banokubangela uxinzelelo kubudlelwane
- Ukuzihoya wena kunye neemfuno zakho: Uphawu oluphambili lobudlelwane obuyityhefu kuxa ungazihoyi wena kunye neemfuno zakho. Ukuba uyalibala ukuzikhathalela, oko kubonisa ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buchaphazela impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nomzimba. Ukuba uchasene neminqweno yakho kwaye uhlala wenza into efunwa liqabane lakho, ungayihoyi impilo yakho, uncame ixesha lakho uwedwa, yazi ukuba luphawu lobutyhefu.
Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu ngokwengqondo kunzima ukubucacisa. Abanye abantu baye balawule kakhulu, bangenelele kwaye bangabi nangqiqo yemida kwaye konke oku kunokuvela kumava obuntwana. Ukuba abazali abayityhefu njengomntwana usenokuthetha ukuba uya kubanjiswa kumjikelo wobudlelwane obuyityhefu ubomi bakho bonke. Ukuba ucinga ukuba ubudlelwane bakho ngaphandle kwazo zonke iziphene bufanele ukudubula okufanelekileyo ekusindeni, ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kufuneka uye phambili. Kodwa, ngaphambi kokuba wenze oko, masiqonde ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba umntu onetyhefu atshintshe.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: 6 Iimpazamo ezingenabungozi kubudlelwane obunobungozi ngokwenene
Ngaba umntu onetyhefu angatshintsha?
Ukuba uchonga ezi mpawu zilumkiso zobudlelwane obuyityhefu, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuzibuza - ngaba ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bunokulungiswa? Yaye okona kubalulekileyo kukuba, 'Ngaba umntu onetyhefu unokutshintsha?' Ngenxa yokuba akukho themba lokulungisa ubudlelwane ukuba umthombo wetyhefu awufuni ukulungisa. Ukuba ufuna ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunye nesoka okanye intombi okanye iqabane, omabini amaqabane kufuneka azimisele ukubeka umgudu ofunekayo ukuyilungisa.
Impendulo emfutshane kule mibuzo ithi, ewe. Nangona kunjalo, akusoloko kulula. Ukuba umntu onetyhefu unokutshintsha okanye akunjalo kuxhomekeke kwizinto ezininzi. Ukuqala, omabini amaqabane kufuneka akulungele ukuguqula igqabi elitsha kwaye afumane iindlela zokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu. Ngokwenza oko, uxanduva olukhulu luwela kwiqabane eliyityhefu.
Ukuba bakulungele ukwenza umsebenzi, yiba nesabelo emgudwini, unokusebenza kunye nabo nize nenze inkqubela inyathelo elinye ngexesha. Nangona kunjalo, ukufumana umntu onetyhefu ukuba ajongane neepatheni zabo zokuziphatha ezingekho sempilweni kwaye amkele iziphene zabo kudla ngokuba yeyona nto ingumngeni kwinkqubo. Ifuna umzamo wobuchule kunye nongaguqukiyo ovela kwelinye iqabane. Oku kunokuba ngamava adinayo.
Impendulo ethi 'ingaba umntu oyityhefu angatshintsha' ikwaxhomekeke komnye umba obalulekileyo - nokuba ungumntu olungileyo ngokwemvelo okanye hayi. Ukuba iqabane lakho liye lahlakulela imikhwa ethile eyityhefu ixesha elongezelelekileyo lokumelana neemeko ezilingayo, amathuba okuba ajike athembisa. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba i umntu ngumxhaphazi kunye nokuhlukunyezwa ngokweemvakalelo okanye ubundlobongela buxhaphakile kubudlelwane bakho, amathuba okuba baya kuzilungisa mancinci.
Ukongeza koku, utyekelo lwe-psychopathic okanye umlutha unokuphelisa naliphi na ithemba lokwenza inkqubela. Nje ukuba ubone ubudlelwane obuyityhefu, kufuneka uvavanye imeko yakho ngokungathandekiyo kwaye uthathe umnxeba wokuba uyafuna na ukusebenzela ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu okanye ukubeka phambili ukhuseleko lwakho.
Iingcebiso ezili-12 zendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu
Akukho nto ingako onokuyenza ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu emva kokwahlukana. Kusenokuba akukho ngongoma. Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu bubamba xa abantu bezifumana bebambekile kwimijikelo eyingozi yobudlelwane. Ngenxa yoko, i-dynamic dynamic ibamba. Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ezi ntshukumo zinokulungiswa ngomzamo wokuqonda, umonde, ixesha, kunye nokuqonda kwengqondo yokuhlala kubudlelwane obubi.
Ekuphela kwemfuneko kukuba omabini amaqabane - lowo ubonakalisa utyekelo oluyityhefu kunye nalowo unyamezelayo - kufuneka akulungele ukwamkela uxanduva lwendima yabo ekwenzeni ubudlelwane bube yityhefu. Ukuzimisela ukutshintsha kuvela koku kwamkelwa. Ukuba wena kunye neqabane lakho nenze ukukhangela umphefumlo kwaye nizive nikulungele ukwenza umzamo wokutshintsha ube ngcono kwaye phucula kwaye womeleze ubudlelwane bakho, la macebiso ali-12 aya kukunceda kumzamo wakho:
1. Vavanya ukuba ubudlelwane obungenampilo bunokusindiswa na
Nje ukuba uyazi ukuba lubudlelwane obuyityhefu, inyathelo lokuqala kufuneka libe kukuvavanya ukuba ubudlelwane obungenampilo bunokusindiswa? Impendulo yalo mbuzo ixhomekeke kwiimeko zakho. Ubutyhefu kubudlelwane bunokubakho ngamaqondo ahlukeneyo. Ngaphandle koko, ezinye ziyityhefu kwasekuqaleni kwaye ezinye ziphuhlisa lo mkhwa ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Kufuneka ubonakalise kwaye unyaniseke kuwe malunga nokuba kukho indawo yokususa ubuthi kubudlelwane. Zibuze, ngaba kufanelekile ukuhlala kubudlelwane obuyityhefu? Ukuba ewe, kuya kufuneka uyixoxe neqabane lakho kwaye uvavanye ukukulungela kwabo ukwenza utshintsho. Ukuba nobabini ebhodini, unokuqalisa ukwenza utshintsho oluncinci yonke imihla.
Ukuthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zakho, ukukhuthaza ukunyaniseka unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo noluphuculweyo, ukusebenza kwiimpazamo zakho kunye nokuvuselela uqhagamshelwano lwakho zezinye iindawo ezifuna umsebenzi. Kuyanceda ukusebenza kunye nengcali okanye umcebisi ukuqinisekisa ukuba iinzame zakho zilawulwa ngendlela efanelekileyo. Kodwa ukuba uxhatshazwa ngalo naluphi na uhlobo, ubudlelwane bakho buyingozi kakhulu ukuba bungakwazi ukuhlangulwa. Kufuneka ugxininise ekufumaneni uncedo olufanelekileyo lokushiya ubudlelwane obunjalo kwaye ungahlali kwaye uzame ukuwenza usebenze.
2. Thatha ikhefu
Nje ukuba wenze isigqibo malunga nendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunye nesoka okanye intombi, ukuhamba kude neqabane lakho okwethutyana yenye yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokwenza. Siyavuma ukuba ivakala ixakile. Kodwa sive.
U-Neelam uyacacisa, "Phinda ujonge into oyifunayo kunye nemida yakho. Ziphilise. Wakuba ukwindawo esempilweni ngokwasengqondweni, uya kukwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezifanelekileyo kwaye ujongane nobudlelwane obuyityhefu ngcono." Xa ubuhlala neqabane elinobuthi, umgwebo wakho uba namafu kwaye ukuzithemba kwakho konakala. Eli xesha lokwahlukana liya kukuvumela ukuba usebenze ngokwakho kwaye uqikelele ufuna ntoni kubudlelwane bakho.
Kuya kukuzisa ekuqondeni ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba uphile ngaphandle kweqabane lakho elinetyhefu. Oko kuqonda kunokuxhobisa kwaye kukhulule. Yiloo nto kanye oyifunayo ukujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu kwaye uyitshintshe ibe ngcono. Emva koko unokwenza isigqibo esinolwazi ukuba ufuna ukuhamba okanye uhlale kwaye uguqule ubudlelwane bakho busuka kwityhefu ukuya kwimpilo.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Izifundo ezili-11 ezifundwe ngabantu kubudlelwane obungaphumeleliyo
3. Indlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu? Funda i-ABCD
Hayi, asikuceli ukuba ubuyele esikolweni. Sikucela ukuba uphinde undwendwele iziseko zobudlelwane bakho. Kubudlelwane obuninzi obuyityhefu, ezi zibonakala njengezityholo, ukutyhola, ukugxekwa kunye nemfuno - ABCD.
Ukuba ezi zinto ziphambili kubudlelwane bakho, yenza iqabane lakho liqaphele. Emva koko, yenza umgudu onyanisekileyo wokuhlolisisa olu tyekelo. Ngokomzekelo, xa ulingeka ukuba umangalele iqabane lakho ngento ethile okanye i-vice-versa, yima kwaye ucinge ngezenzo zakho. Ngaphambi kokuba omnye wenu enze iimfuno, hlolani ukuba zilungile na.
Ngokuhamba kwexesha, uya kufunda ukukhangela ezi tyekelo kwiindlela zabo. Xa nisebenza kunye njengeqela ukujolisa a ingxaki yobudlelwane obuqhelekileyo, iyakunceda ukuba niphinde niqhagamshelane omnye nomnye.
4. Yiba nenkalipho yokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu
UNeelam uthi, “Isakhono kunye nesigqibo sokuzithethelela sisempilweni ngakumbi kunokuzibandakanya kwisimilo esindlongondlongo esidla ngokubangela umonakalo omkhulu phakathi kwamaqabane. Ekugqibeleni, intsebenziswano iphuma ekulawuleni kwaye ijike ibe lulwalamano oluyityhefu. Ziqhelise ukuqiniseka kwaye ubone ukuba izisa ntoni na ebomini bakho.”
Xa uhlala neqabane elinobuthi, isimo sabo sengqondo esingqongqo siphezu kwakho kangangokuba izimvo zakho, iimfuno kunye neminqweno zicinyiwe. Ukuya ukwakha ubudlelwane obunempilo ngamandla, kuya kufuneka uphinde ufumane ilizwi lakho kwaye uzibethelele. Uyeke umkhwa wokuhamba ngamaqokobhe amaqanda ujikeleze i-SO yakho okanye ukoyika ukugqabhuka kwabo ngumsindo. Ukuzibamba ekuchazeni indlela oziva ngayo kuya kukwenza ulicaphukele iqabane lakho. Oku, kuya kwenza ubudlelwane bube yingozi ngakumbi.
Iqabane lakho lisenokungayiqondi into yokuba indlela aziphethe ngayo ikwenza uzive ujongelwa phantsi okanye ungabonakali. Ke, loyise uloyiko lwakho kwaye uvakalise oku kukhathazeka ngokunyanisekileyo. Cela umlingane wakho ukuba acinge ngokuziphatha kwakhe kunye nefuthe lakho kuwe. Kuphela kulapho ungaqala khona ukuseka kwakhona ubambiswano olulinganayo kubudlelwane bakho.
5. Zibonakale ngakumbi
Oku kukwandiswa kokuqina. Ubudlelwane obuyityhefu buhlala buba buthathaka kangangokuba kugxilwe kwiqabane elinye. Ngelixa enye ibonakala ikhona kuphela ukubakholisa kwaye idlale ngokuthanda kwabo kunye neminqweno yabo. Ukwenza ubudlelwane bungabi yingozi, kufuneka ubuyise kwakhona indawo kubudlelwane.
Yenza iimfuno zakho, iminqweno kunye nokulindela kubonakale ngakumbi. UNeelam ucacisa esithi: “Kwinkoliso yolwalamano oluyityhefu, ngokuqhelekileyo kugxininiswa kumntu omnye, nto leyo enokukushiya uziva ungahoywanga yaye ungaviwa.
Kufuneka uzingise ngakumbi. Ekuqaleni iqabane lakho liya kulicaphukela eli nyathelo kodwa ukuba nabo bafuna ukulungisa imiba kubudlelwane baya kuthi ngokuthe ngcembe baqonde ukuba kufuneka ubonakalise ubuntu bakho. Le yindlela elungileyo yokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu.
6. Zithembe ukuchasa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu ngokwengqondo
Ukuba ujonga ubudlelwane obuyityhefu ngokwengqondo, ukukhohlisa, ukulawula kunye nokulawula kuvela njengemixholo exhaphakileyo. Ngokuhlala sigxeka, ukukhanyisa ngegesi okanye ukukugibisela ngamatye, iqabane lakho lisenokuba lifumene ulawulo olunjalo phezu kwengqondo yakho kangangokuba awusazithembi. U-Neelam ucebisa ukonyuka ngaphezulu kokukhohlisa kunye nemidlalo yengqondo.
Luyeke utyekelo lokufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwezimvo zakho. Landela amathumbu akho kwaye ume phantsi xa ukholelwa kwinto ethile. Ekuphela kwendlela yokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu ngokufanelekileyo kukuhlutha iqabane lakho ubutyhefu babo. Ukungabaniki ukubaluleka kuya kubangela ukuba bagqajukelwe ngumsindo kodwa xa beqonda ukuba abanakugqobhoza eludongeni olwenzileyo yaye akuchaphazeleki ngokweemvakalelo, ngokuthe ngcembe baya kurhoxa.
U-Neelam uyacacisa, "Khetha amadabi akho. Kuphephe ukuzityala ngokweemvakalelo. Usenokunikela indlebe ephulaphulayo kodwa qaphela ukuba unikela ingqalelo engakanani. Kunzima ukuba ngumntu omkhulu kuba ithuku lethu lemvelo, xa siziva sihlaselwa, kukuzikhusela. Noko ke, musa ukuvumela yonke into eyenziwa ngumntu onetyhefu iphakame kuwe. Nokuba ibuhlungu, zama ukuzola okanye uhambe.”
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iingcebiso ezili-9 zokwakha ubudlelwane obuhambelanayo
7. Yiba neencoko ezingathandekiyo
Ukuba sesichengeni phambi kweqabane eliqhuba kakuhle ekuziphatheni okuyityhefu kunokuba nzima. Ngokufanayo, ukwesaba ukuvutha komsindo okanye ukwenziwa kwamatye inokukuthintela ekuxoxeni ngemixholo ethile engathandekiyo. Kodwa awukwazi ukuqhubeka nokutshayela izinto phantsi kombhoxo ukuba ufuna ukususa ubutyhefu kubudlelwane.
UNeelam uthi, "Ukuze uphinde uqalise uthando lwakho olutsala nzima, kuya kufuneka uqale ukuthatha imingcipheko yeemvakalelo. Ungaqala ngokubandakanyeka kwincoko ebalulekileyo, uveze iinyani obuzibambile kwiqabane lakho. Hlala kwincoko naxa kungakhululeki kwaye kuyoyikisa. Ukuba neencoko ezakhayo nezinzima ngundoqo ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu. "
Xa ulindele ukuba iqabane lakho linyaniseke kwaye liza kuza, kufuneka ukulungele ukwenza okufanayo. Oko kubandakanya ukubeka intliziyo yakho elubala ngalo lonke unxunguphalo olubangelwe lubudlelwane. Kwakunye nokuxoxa ngendlela oyibona ngayo imeko yakho yangoku kunye namathemba ekamva lakho. Ezi isenokungabi zezona zinto zilula ukuzithetha okanye ukuziva. Kodwa kufuneka bathethe kwaye baviwe.
8. Buyekeni ubuxoki
Ukuxoka ngomnye umxholo ophindaphindwayo phantse kulo lonke unxulumano olungasebenziyo noluyityhefu. Ayiloqabane eliyityhefu kuphela elizifihla emva kwengubo yobuxoki kodwa nelinye iqabane eliye lizifihle ubhenela ekuxokeni ukuphepha ukujongana ngezikhondo zamehlo.
Masithi, iqabane lakho alikufuni ukuba uhlale nomhlobo othile. Ke, wenza isizathu esinento yokwenza nomsebenzi sokuba uye kutya isidlo sasemini nomhlobo wakho. Okanye iqabane lakho belikucelile ukuba ulahle ukucoca okomileyo kodwa lisalele emotweni yakho. Ukunqanda ukuva, “Owu, awulungelanga nto”, utsho nje ukuba ivenkile ibivaliwe.
Obu buxoki buncinci buncinci kunye nokufihla kungabonakala kungenabungozi kodwa kungena endleleni yokuvuselela ukuthembana. Ngaphandle kokuthembana, awukwazi ukufumana ubudlelwane okanye iqabane ukuba liyeke ukuba yingozi. NgokukaNeelam, ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu, kufuneka "uphephe ukuzibandakanya kwezinye iindlela zokuziphatha eziyityhefu njengoko oku kuya kuzisa ukungakhathali ngakumbi ebomini bakho."
9. Gxininisa ekusombululeni impixano
Apho kukho ubuthi, kukho ungquzulwano olubangelwa kukungavisisani kwezimvo, umsindo, ingqumbo nokwenzakala. Awukwazi ukoyisa ubutyhefu ngaphandle kokuwela umqobo we ngqu zulwano. Kubudlelwane obuyityhefu, iingxabano kunye nemilo ihlala imbi kakhulu kwaye ibe nefuthe elibi kuwo omabini amaqabane.
Phonononga iindlela ezisebenzayo zokufikelela kwiingcambu zeengxaki zakho kwaye uzikhuphe ukuze wakhe ikamva kunye. Akulula ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu emva kokwahlukana kodwa ukuba unomnqweno onyanisekileyo wokwenza izinto zibe ngcono, uya kuyifumana indlela. Kuya kufuneka uguqule isicwangciso sokukhupha xa kuvela imeko efana nale. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, uya kuphuhlisa indlela yakho yokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu.
10. Qonda izinto ezibangela ukuba zibangele
Umntu onetyhefu usenokuba nembali enenkathazo. Mhlawumbi, bakhule phakathi kwabazali abanetyhefu. Okanye babenobudlelwane obunzima kunye nabantakwabo. Mhlawumbi omnye wobudlelwane babo bangaphambili wayeyityhefu kwaye olo tyekelo lwabachaphazela. Okanye baye baphuhlisa ezi mpawu njengendlela yokuzikhusela ukulwa nokuxhatshazwa.
Ukuqonda ubudlelwane obuyityhefu ngokwengqondo ngokubanzi, kunye nezinto ezibangela iqabane lakho ezithile zinokukunika ingcaciso eninzi. Oku kucaca kuya kukunceda ukuba uphathe ubudlelwane bakho ngcono. Ngokusebenza ukusuka kwindawo yovelwano kunokusola, unokuphumelela ekufumaneni iqabane ukuba liyeke ukuba yingozi. Le yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela Yokunqanda Ubudlelwane Obuzibhokoxa?
11. Siphephe isimo sengqondo sexhoba
Ewe, ube lixhoba lokungonwabi kunye nokungakhathali. Kodwa ukuba ufaka ingqondo yexhoba ngaphakathi, uya kubanjiswa ngonaphakade kwintlupheko. Ngaphandle koko, ukuzibona ulixhoba kuthetha ukuvuma ukuba awunakuzinceda ekwenzeni iimeko zakho zibe bhetele. Ungalulungisa njani ubudlelwane obuyityhefu xa ungakwazi nokuthatha uxanduva kwimeko yakho yeemvakalelo?
Ngaphandle koko, khumbula, ukukhetha ukuhlala okanye ukuhamba kuhlala kungokwakho ukwenza. Ngokukhetha ukuhlala, ube liqabane kubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunokuba ube lixhoba. Oku kunokubonakala kubukhali kodwa kufuneka uyive ukuze uqonde ukuba amandla okukhetha ahlala ehleli kuwe. Ngoku ekubeni ukhethe ukuqonda indlela i ubudlelwane obungenampilo unokusindiswa, ukungaziboni njengexhoba kubalulekile kwinkqubela phambili.
12. Indlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu? Fumana uncedo
Ubudlelwane bakho bunokuba buzaliswe ziingxaki ozifumana uhlala uzibuza ukuba kufanelekile ukuhlala kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Ngokungasebenzi kakuhle okuxhaphakileyo kunye neeequations ezintsonkothileyo, ukususa ubutyhefu kubudlelwane ngokwakho kusenokungenzeki. Inkqubo inokuthatha ixesha elide kakhulu kunokuba ifanele. Usenokuphela wenze umonakalo omkhulu kunokulunga.
U-Neelam ucebisa ukuba ufune unyango. Uthi, “Unyango lunokukunceda ubengcono. lawula okulindelekileyo kunye neminye imiba kubudlelwane. I-Psychotherapy inceda abathengi ukuba baphathe ubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Unyango lokuziphatha kwengqondo lunokunceda ekuphuculeni iqhina owabelana ngalo neqabane lakho.”
Ukuba ubambekile kwimeko efanayo kwaye ujonge abacebisi abaqeqeshiweyo ukukunceda ukusombulula le miba, iphaneli yeBonobology yabanyangi abanamava nabanelayisensi kukucofa nje.
Ngoku ekubeni uyayazi indlela yokulungisa ulwalamano oluyityhefu, lixesha lokuba ubambe le nkunzi yenkomo ngeempondo zayo uze uyilawule. Ngoxa umnqweno wakho wokusebenzela kulwalamano oluzaliswe yimibandela encomekayo uyancomeka, umele ukhumbule ukuba akukho thando lunokuthabatha indawo yokuqala ngaphezu kwentlalo-ntle yakho.
Ukuba izinto azisebenzi ngaphandle komzamo wakho omhle, ukushiya kuhlala kulukhetho. Enye okufuneka uyenze ngaphandle kobutyala okanye ukuzisola.
FAQs
Uhlala uphathwa, ulawulwa, ukhanyiswa ngegesi, uqiniswe ngamatye kwaye uxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Awuziva naluphi na uhlobo lothando kunye nenkathalo kodwa uziva ukuba usebudlelwaneni ngenxa yesiqhelo.
Ukuze uphile kubudlelwane obuyityhefu kufuneka uzixelele kodwa urhoxe xa kuqala ungquzulwano. Kufuneka uyenze icace imida yakho kwaye ukuba, kuyafuneka, ukhethe ukucetyiswa.
Ukucetyiswa kunokunceda ukuphilisa ubudlelwane obuyityhefu. Iingcali zonyango zisebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokukunceda ukuba uqonde imiba kwaye ufumane iindlela zokuyilungisa. Kodwa ayinguye wonke umntu oya kunyango okanye athathe amanyathelo okujongana nobudlelwane obuyityhefu. Kuloo meko, bona shiya ubudlelwane.
Umntu onetyhefu unokutshintsha. Ukuba izizathu zobutyhefu babo, ezibangelwa kakhulu kwimiba yabo yobuntwaneni, zibhekiswe, ngoko banokutshintsha. Kodwa akuyondlela ilula. Kungathatha ixesha elide ukususa iipatheni zokuziphatha ezenziwe kwasebancinane.
Ngaba Umona Onempilo Ungakunceda Ukwakha Ubudlelwane Obuqinileyo?
Uphuma njani kubudlelwane obulawulayo-iindlela ezisi-8 zokuqhawula
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
