Ngaba Ungaba Ngumhlobo Ne-Ex? Izinto ezili-15 zokuqwalaselwa

Ngaba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho emva kokwahlukana? Ukuba ewe, ingaba isempilweni? Ngaba kulungile ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho ngelixa kubudlelwane? Ngaba usoloko uzibuza le mibuzo? Emva kokuphela kobudlelwane obuzinikeleyo, ukutshintsha umntu okhethekileyo ukusuka kumntu ophambili ebomini bakho ukuya kwixesha elidlulileyo kunokuba ngumngeni, kwaye ukuthatha ixesha kubalulekile. Umnqweno wokuphinda udibanise kwaye uchithe ixesha kunye ngokwemvelo, ngakumbi kubudlelwane bexesha elide. Kumaxesha anamhlanje, nangona kunjalo, ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu othandana naye kudla ngokubonwa njengento eqhelekileyo. Ngelixa abaninzi bezama ukugcina obu buhlobo, asingabo bonke abenene okanye abanyamezelayo. Ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayethandana naye kunokuzisa iimeko ezinzima ebomini bakho.

Research ibonisa ukuba exes bajike bangabinankathalo kangako, banganyanisekanga, bangakhathali, kwaye bangabi namfesane njengabahlobo. Ngoko ke umbuzo usahleli: Ngaba ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayesamthanda (okanye hayi) akunjalo? Ngaba lukhetho olusempilweni ngokwenene? Makhe sihlolisise le nkxalabo ngoncedo lwengcali yethu yezengqondo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, i-REBT, kunye neengcebiso zezibini. Ke, ukuba uyazibuza ukuba wena kunye nomntu wakho wangaphambili ningaba ngabahlobo, okanye ningaba ngabahlobo njani nomntu othandana naye, funda ku...

Kutheni Kunzima Ukuba Ngumhlobo Ne Ex Yakho?

Ukuqalisa ubuhlobo emva kokwahlukana kunokubonakala ngathi lukhetho olukhulileyo, kodwa iimvakalelo azinandlela yokucima. Umnqweno wokuhlala singabahlobo unokuvela kwimvakalelo yokuvela, kodwa ukuntywila ngokukhawuleza kubuhlobo kunokubonakalisa ukuphazamiseka ngokweemvakalelo, kwaye ukuphuma kwindawo yomhlobo kubi. Phezu kwako nje ukuqhawuka komtshato, ukungxamela ubuhlobo kunokuba linyathelo eliyingozi. Kubalulekile ukuqonda imiceli mngeni kunye nobunzima ezenza le ndlela ibenzima kunokuba ibinokuvela ekuqaleni. Ngelixa uhamba kule ndlela, unokujongana nombono, uhlala ucinga - "Andinakuba ngumhlobo nomntu wam okanye ndingakwazi?"

Ngokutsho isifundo, ukuhlala abahlobo kunye ex yakho ngenxa ngokoqobo, ubuntu, okanye iminqweno engasonjululwanga yothando, kwaphumela ekubeni ubuhlobo kunqabile ukuba kuhlala ixesha elide. Obu bubungqina bobunzima bokugcina ubuhlobo obunempilo kunye nowangaphambili. Makhe sijonge izizathu ezimbalwa zokuba kutheni kunzima ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili, ngakumbi ngokukhawuleza emva kokwahlukana:

• Awukabaxoleli okwangoku: Amanxeba asematsha, kwaye ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayekuvisa kabuhlungu kubuyisela yonke intlungu oye wayifumana kubudlelwane bakho bothando.
• Omnye wenu usathandana: Nokuba omnye wenu usathandana kwaye ubona ubuhlobo njengefestile yethuba lokuba buyelana ne ex yakho okanye uzame ukoyisa ngokuchitha ixesha kunye. Ukuba ngabahlobo xa usamthanda owakho wangaphambili kusenokungabi semdleni wakho kuba ukucinga kwakho kunokwenzeka ukuba kulawulwe ziimvakalelo hayi ukuba nengqiqo.
• Uyaqhubeka ukubanika amandla phezu kwakho: Nkqu ingcinga yokuba i-ex yakho ihamba phambili ikuthumela kwi-tailpin kwaye awukwazi ukuyiyeka
• Kuba nzima ukuqhubela phambili: Ubuhlobo bukwenza ungaqhubeki phambili. Ngoko ke, ukucamngca ngeemvakalelo zakho ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuba ngabahlobo bokwenene kubalulekile. Kungenjalo, unokuzibhaqa ubuza, "Ndingayifumana njani i-ex yam?"
• Akukho nto inje 'zizihlobo nje' phakathi kwenu nobabini: Imigca idla ngokuba mfiliba kwaye iwele, ikhokelela kwiifowuni zasebusuku kakhulu, ngesondo, okanye ngokungakhethiyo ukuthi "Ndiyakuthanda" eniya kuzisola nobabini kamva. Ezi zezinye iingozi ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ex ukuba kufuneka ucinge ngenyameko

Ukuba ezi meko zivakala ziqhelekile, kusenokuba ngcono ukuba uhambe. Ngaphandle koko, kunokubonakala ngathi unonyawo lwakho emnyango kwaye ubambeke kwindawo apho ungenako ukubuyela kunye okanye udlule ngokupheleleyo. Oku kwenza imeko eqinileyo yokuba kutheni ungafanelanga ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili. Oku mhlawumbi kungenxa yokuba, "Musa ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nomntu wakho wangaphambili" luluvo oluqhelekileyo.

Izinto ezili-15 ekufuneka uziqwalasele malunga nokuba ngumhlobo kunye ne-Ex

Ngaba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho? Ewe, kuxhomekeke. Ukusuka kubunzima bokulungela ngokweemvakalelo ukuya kukubaluleka kokumisela imida ecacileyo, inkalo nganye idlala indima ebalulekileyo ekubumbeni impumelelo enokubakho okanye imingeni yokugcina ubuhlobo emva kokwahlukana. Kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba awukwazi ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili kuba undithembe, kuthatha kakhulu, ngakumbi ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu othandana naye.

UNandita ucebisa ngelithi, “Xa abantu ababini besahlukana, kubalulekile ukuba bazinike ixesha lokuphola nokuqhubeka, endaweni yokonwabisana nokuchitha ixesha kunye.” Kwincwadi yakhe, Ukodlula Ukwahlukana Kwakho, umbhali uSusan J. Elliot ucebisa ukuba ulinde ubuncinane iinyanga ezintandathu ngaphambi kokuba uthathe umnxeba malunga nokuba ungabahlobo okanye ungabi ngumhlobo wakho.

Njengoko ujonga ezi ngqwalasela, uya kufumanisa ubunzima bokulinganisa imbali kunye nesidingo semida emitsha. Umnqweno wokuba nayo ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba nzima ngelixa ugcina impilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo xa ucinga ukuhamba indlela ekhohlisayo yobuhlobo nomntu owayesakuba naye. Nokuba ucinga ngale ndlela okokuqala okanye uphinda uphonononge ubuhlobo obukhoyo, ezi zimvo zijolise ekunikeni isikhokelo esibalulekileyo. Oku kuya kukunceda wenze izigqibo zokuba ngabahlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iindlela ezili-15 ezikrelekrele zokwala umntu owayefuna ukuba ngabahlobo

1. Udinga ixesha kunye nendawo ukuze ulungise ukwahlukana

Ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex osamthanda kuya kukubamba nje ukuba ukwahlukana kusanda. Ukwahlukana kunokuba ngamava anzima, ngakumbi ukuba owakho wangaphambili nguye othathe umnxeba ukuba ahlukane. Usenokufuna inkxaso yeemvakalelo xa usamthanda ex yakho kwaye uzama nzima ukuqhubeka. Kweso simo sengqondo, ngaba ucinga ukuba kufutshane nabo nokuba ngabahlobo kunye nowangaphambili kuya kuba luncedo ekuphilisweni kwakho?

Cinga ngemiphumo njengoko ucingisisa malunga nokuba ngabahlobo xa usamthanda owakwakho. UNandita uthi, “Kungcono ukuthatha ixesha kunye nendawo kwaye uzihlanganise kwakhona ngaphambi kokuba uzibeke kwenye imeko enokuba yingxaki.” Mhlawumbi kungenxa yoko le nto enye yeengcebiso eziqhelekileyo emva kokwahlukana kukuba, "Musa ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu wakho."

2. Inokubuyisela ubuhlobo obusondeleyo emzimbeni onokuthi uzisole

Ngaba ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex kukhokelela kubudlelwane? Ewe, inokwenzeka, ngakumbi xa usayithanda i-ex yakho. Ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nomntu osamthanda yindlela eqinisekileyo yokuvuka ebhedini yabo ngenye intsasa. Usenokuba ucetyiswe ukuba ungabi ngumhlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili. URiley, umqeqeshi womdaniso ohlala eSt. Wayeziva ngathi ufuna i-ankile, kwaye owayesakuba ngumfazi wakhe, owayesoloko enobubele kakhulu kwaye enenkathalo, wayebonakala njengomntu omele ayenze loo nto.

Bavumela iimvakalelo zabo zothando zingene phakathi kwale ndlela eya kwimpilo ubudlelwane beplatonic. Oko kwaqala njengobuhlobo beplatonic kungekudala kwajika kwaba yingxubakaxaka yeemvakalelo ezingaconjululwanga. Baqala ukulala kunye ngalo lonke ixesha abalifumanayo kwaye balibala ukubeka imida, nto leyo eyakhokelela ekubeni owayesakuba akholelwe ukuba wayevulelekile ukuba babuyelane kwaye wenza noRiley wabhideka ngakumbi malunga neemvakalelo zakhe.

Bazama ukunika iimvakalelo zabo zothando elinye ithuba, kodwa batyhubela intlungu nentlungu yokwahlukana kwakhona. Kuphela ngeli xesha, kwakukrakra kwaye kubuhlungu. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba unokuba ngabahlobo njani kunye nomntu othandana naye, ngokuqinisekileyo ayisiyiyo indlela yokuhamba. Asitsho ukuba le yeyona nto inokwenzeka, kodwa yinto eyenzekayo rhoqo xa uthandana nomntu owayesamthanda. Ndifuna uqwalasele imigibe enokubakho ngaphambi kokuba ungene kubuhlobo. Ukugcina ubuhlobo obunempilo kufuna umgudu omkhulu kunye nokukhula, njengokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba ndibiza i-Ex yam - Iingcebiso ezili-12 zokuthatha isigqibo

3. Obunye ubudlelwane/ubudlelwane bakho bunokonakala

Ngaba kulungile ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho ngelixa kubudlelwane? Ngaba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho ngaphandle kokuyivumela ukuba ichaphazele ubudlelwane bakho bangoku? Ukuthathela ingqalelo impembelelo enokubakho kubudlelwane bangoku okanye kwixesha elizayo kubalulekile xa uphendula umbuzo odidayo, "Ngaba kulungile ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu othandana naye?" Kanye njengokuba kunjalo ngobudlelwane bothando, ukulondoloza ubuhlobo nomntu owayethandana naye kunokuthabatha ixesha nengqalelo kude nolunye ulwalamano, kuquka olo nabahlobo kunye nosapho. Ukuba abahlobo bakho okanye usapho lwakho luziva lungahoywanga okanye lusithwe bubuhlobo bakho nowayesakuba ngumhlobo wakho, oko kunokonakalisa olo budlelwane.

Oku mhlawumbi esinye isizathu sokuba kuthiwa exes ayikwazi ukuba ngabahlobo. UNandita uthi, “Ukukhumbula indlela olu tshintsho olunokuchaphazela ngayo ukuthenjwa kunye nempilo-ntle ngokweemvakalelo yakhe wonke umntu obandakanyekayo kuqinisekisa isiseko esiphilileyo kulwalamano lwangoku nolwexesha elizayo. Ubudlelwane bukaPlato vs ubudlelwane bothando - khetha ngobulumko.

4. Ukuba nomona kunokubuphelisa ubuhlobo benu ekuhambeni kwexesha

Ngaba umntu wangaphambili angaba ngabahlobo ngaphandle kweemvakalelo? Baqinisekile ukuba, njengokuba uthuli sele luzinzile, omnye wenu uya kuzama ukuqhubeka kwaye aqale ukuthandana nomntu omtsha. Kodwa impendulo elula malunga nendlela yokuba ngumhlobo kunye ne-ex kukuba kufuneka ucime umona. Ukuba ungena kubudlelwane okanye usanda kuqalisa ukuthandana, owayesakuba ngumfazi wakho usenokungakhululeki ngokuguquka kweziganeko, kwaye oku kunokuphuma ngeendlela ezimbi.

Kubalulekile ukuhloniphana ngesigqibo sokuba namaqabane amatsha. Kwelinye icala, ukuba owakwam ngowokuqala ukuqhubela phambili, usenokusala uziva ulahliwe yaye ubuhlungu. Ezi mvakalelo ziba ngumda xa uhlala ubahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho. Yinto yendalo kuphela, kwaye inokwenza okanye ingenzi ukuba ukholelwe ukuba abantu abadlulayo abanakuba ngabahlobo. 

Le yinkalo ebalulekileyo ekufuneka iqwalaselwe kuba iingozi zokuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayesakuba zizihlobo ezininzi yaye zinokuquka umona neemvakalelo ezinzima. Oku kunokuba yingozi kuphela kubuhlobo bakho kunye nowangaphambili kodwa kunye nobudlelwane bakho obutsha. Ngaba ukulungele ukubakho kwemiphumo ebuhlungu ngolo hlobo?

5. Nisenokungakwazi ukunyaniseka ngokupheleleyo omnye komnye

Khawufane ucinge ukuba uhamba kwenye yezo cyclic breakup blues ebomini bakho. Iqabane lakho langaphambili, nongumhlobo ngoku, likubuza ukuba yintoni ekukhathazayo. Awukwazi ukunyaniseka kuye ngaphandle kokukrazula iintsiba ezimbalwa umtsalane wothando ubusoloko uhlangabezana kwakhona. Okanye ukuba unomhla nomntu omtsha, awukwazi ukuba phambili kunye ne-ex yakho malunga nokuba ngenxa yokuba kwindawo ethile uyazi ukuba unokulimaza iimvakalelo zabo.

Ukuhlala nabahlobo emva kokwahlukana kuya kudala amaxesha obunzima eniya kufuna ukukuphepha nobabini, kukushiya nobuhlobo obunganyanisekanga okanye obunyanisekileyo. Ukukusindisa kulo mxube weemvakalelo, kusoloko kucetyiswa ukuba ungabi ngumhlobo nomntu wakho wangaphambili nide nihambe nobabini ngokwenene.  

UNandita uthi: “Ubuhlobo bakhelwe phezu kwesiseko sokunyaniseka. Abahlobo babelana ngeenkcukacha ezinzulu zobomi babo, ukuya kutsho kwezona ingcinga zinzulu zikabani nolona loyiko lunzulu. 

6 Ubuhlobo busenokukhokelela ekubeni sibe namathemba obuxoki

Ngaba umntu wangaphambili angaba ngabahlobo ngaphandle kweemvakalelo? Ewe, kodwa nokuba ucinga nje ukuhlala nabahlobo emva kokwahlukana, kunokwenzeka ukuba banokujonga izinto ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Okanye ngokuchaseneyo. Kuthekani ukuba omnye wenu usenethemba lakho lokuba ubudlelwane beplatonic ekugqibeleni bukhokelela ekuvuseleleni intlantsi endala phakathi? 

Wena (okanye owakho) unokubeka ubomi bakho ekubambeni, ubambelele kweli themba lakho ex usenokuba nomdla kuwe kwakhona kwaye uzithintele ekubeni neqabane/amaqabane amatsha. Usenokuba uyazibuza, “Ngaba ndiza kuphinda ndidibane ne-ex yam kwakhona?” Xa izinto zingahambi ngendlela wena okanye omnye umntu obulindele ngayo, oko kunokubangela intlungu enzulu nengqumbo. Le yenye yezinto eziphambili ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe. Ngoko, uyabona, impendulo ethi, "Ngaba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye nomntu wakho wangaphambili?", Ifuna ukuqwalaselwa ngokucophelela.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba Amadoda Nabafazi Banokuba Ngabahlobo?

7 Ubuhlobo obunjalo bunokuchaphazela uxolo lwakho lwengqondo

Esinye sezizathu onokuthi ucinge ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nomntu othandana naye kukuba awukaqhubeki. Ke, ngaba unokuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho ukuba uziva uluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka ngokufuthi ucinga ngexesha lakho elidlulileyo? Ewe, ukuba omnye wenu usabambe iimvakalelo ezininzi ngomnye, njengoko kunjalo kuninzi loqhawulo-mtshato, ubuhlobo bunokuba ngumcimbi ongcolileyo onokukubiza uxolo lwengqondo.

Ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho iya kuba sisikhumbuzo esiqhubekayo sobudlelwane kunye neenkumbulo zexesha lakho kunye, kukugcina uvalelwe kwixesha elidlulileyo. Isenokukubambezela ekubeni uthandane nomntu omtsha. Ngaphambi kokuba ucinge ukuba ungaba ngumhlobo njani nomntu othandana naye, kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba awunguye uzama ukudlula umntu ubunobudlelwane bothando kwaye ukulungele ukuba ngabahlobo.

8. Ngaba uya kuphinda ubathembe?

Nokuba iqabane lakho langaphambili liba ngu-'4 am' ngumhlobo wakho okanye lowo ubhenela kuye ukuze ufumane uncedo kunye nentuthuzelo nanini na xa izinto zingahambi kakuhle, isiseko esisisiseko sokuthembana nokunyaniseka siya kulahleka kulwalamano olunjalo. Ingakumbi ukuba sele uqalile ukuthandana nomnye umntu. Nobabini sele nidlule ngokwaneleyo kwaye mhlawumbi niye nanako imiba yokuthembela omnye komnye. Ngaphandle kokusombulula ezo zinto, ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex yakho kunokuba ngumsebenzi ongenakwenzeka.

Kwanasemva kokusombulula imiba nasemva kokubeka imida, kunokuba nzima kakhulu ukuthembela kwiqabane olinxulumanisa nobuhlungu bokuphula ubudlelwane. UNandita uthi: “Ngenxa yokuba intlungu nosizi olubangelwa kukwahlukana bekuya kukukhathaza ngaphakathi naxa ungafuni ukuyamkela le mvakalelo. Kwaye ukuba uyazibuza, "Ndingayifumana njani i-ex yam?" Ewe, mhlawumbi ukuba ngabahlobo akuyongcamango ilungileyo emva kwayo yonke into.

9. Unokwenza izinto zibe nzima kubahlobo bakho

Aba bahlobo bexesha elide bakubonile kunye njengesibini kwaye babona ubudlelwane bakho bothando buhamba ngamahla ndinyuka ngaphambi kokuba bufike emhlabeni. Ukuba kukho ingqumbo ekhoyo phakathi kwenu nobabini, ngaphandle kokuba nithathe isigqibo sokuhlala ningabahlobo, kunokuvela kuhlaselo olunoburhalarhume omnye komnye, kwaye oko kunokuba nzima kwabanye abahlobo bakho ukujongana. Ukuba uzama ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayesamthanda kwaye ukuba obu buhlobo buchaphazela nobunye ubudlelwane bakho kunye nobuhlobo, bubungqina bokuba kukho ingqiqo emva kwesaci esithi "ubudlelwane bokonakalisa ubudlelwane." 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ukukhetha phakathi koBuhlobo kunye nobudlelwane | Yeyiphi Onokuyikhetha?

10. Isenokuphazamisana namathuba okufumana uthando lwakho lokwenyani

Ubuhlobo kunye neqabane lakho langaphambili linokuthi lisithe isigwebo sakho malunga nokuthandana nomnye umntu, kwaye unokuzifumana ubanjwe kwisangqa esibi sokuhamba ngeentsuku, kodwa ungaze wenze indlela ebomini. ubudlelwane obutsha. Kungenxa yokuba ubukho be-ex yakho ebomini bakho buya kuphazamisa ukukwazi kwakho ukuqhubeka ngokunyanisekileyo. Kwakhona, ngamanye amaxesha, usenokuzixelela ukuba, “Ndiyamthanda umntu endandithandana naye” okanye uzibuze, “Ngaba ndiza kuphinda ndithandane ne ex yam kwakhona?” Ukuba kunjalo, ukwala ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu owayethandana naye kunokuba licebo elihle. Kufuneka ube kwiphepha elinye ukuba kukho naliphi na ithuba lokuba ubuhlobo bukhule.

Ngaba ngokwenene ufuna ukuzifaka kuloo nto? Ukuba uthumela imiyalezo kubo ngelixa ngomhla okanye ubuya kwaye uxoxe ngazo zonke iinkcukacha zomhla kunye nabo ukuze bafune ukuvunywa kwabo, unokuba uxinge kwindawo engafanelekanga kufuneka uhlukane nayo. Kwaye ukuba uqhubeka uzibuza, "Ndiza kudlula njani i-ex yam?", Ke, ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nabo kunokuba yinto efanelekileyo.

11 Ubuhlobo busenokungayithobi intlungu yokwahlukana

Amaxesha amaninzi abantu basuka kubudlelwane bothando baye ekubeni ngabahlobo ngenxa yokuba bengakwazi ukumelana nemvakalelo yokulahlekelwa. Kusenokuthabatha iinyanga, okanye iminyaka, ukuqhubela phambili. Ngokuka a isifundo, kuthatha iinyanga ezili-11 ukuphelisa intlungu. Ke, ukuba usiba ngumhlobo nomntu othandana naye ukuze uthomalalise intlungu yentliziyo, uzenza zonke ezingalunganga. Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba kutheni ungafanele ube ngumhlobo kunye nomntu wakho wangaphambili, qwalasela zombini iimbono ngaphambi kokuba ungene kubuhlobo.

Ukwahlukana akukaze kube lula. Kufuneka uhambe ngokusila kwaloo ntliziyo ibuhlungu, intlungu ehlabayo ekugcina ungalali ebusuku kwaye ikwenza ukhale amehlo akho. Kuya kufuneka uzikhusele kwinkanyamba yeemvakalelo ezongameleyo ekufuneka uphile wedwa. Ukuba ufuna igxalaba lokukhala, kungcono ujike uye kwabanye abahlobo bakho endaweni yokuya kumntu ongunobangela wentlungu yakho. Ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nowakwakho akungomsebenzi olula. Khumbula, ukuphiliswa kwakho luxanduva lwakho kwasekuqaleni. Akukho namnye kubahlobo bakho onokukunceda ukuba uzimisele ukuthatha indlela enengqiqo ngokwakho.

12. Ubuhlobo bakho bunokukuthintela ekubekeni phambili iqabane lakho langoku

Kunqabile ukufumana umntu oza kuhlala kakuhle ngembono yokuba iqabane lakhe libe ngabahlobo kunye nomntu othandana naye. Zibeke ezicathulweni zabo kwaye ucinge ngayo kancinci: ungathanda ex yeqabane lakho kuyo yonke imibhiyozo yomhla wokuzalwa okanye itheko lendlu? Ngaba ungathanda ukuba babhalele i-ex yabo ngelixa behleli ecaleni kwakho? Okanye ukuxoxa ngeenkcukacha zobudlelwane bakho nabo? Ngoku zibuze, "Ngaba abantu abadlulileyo bangaba ngabahlobo?"

Amanqanaba obudlelwane obutsha zibandakanya isigaba semibuzo apho omabini amaqabane aqala ukubuza isigqibo sabo njengoko beqala ukujonga ngaphaya kweeglasi ze-rose-tinted emva kwesigaba se-honeymoon. Ukuba ubuhlobo bakho kunye ne-ex yenza iqabane lakho langoku lingonwabi kwaye lixhalabile, kufuneka uhloniphe imbono yabo kulo mba kwaye ucinge malunga noko kubaluleke kakhulu. Ubudlelwane bakho obudala okanye obukhoyo ngoku? Andiqondi ukuba kukho nayiphi na ingqiqo ekubhubhiseni ubudlelwane obutsha kumntu oye wabuna kudala, kodwa ndim kuphela. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, awufuni kuvuka ngenye imini kwaye uthi kuwe, "Ndiyalithanda iqabane lam, kodwa ndiyayithanda i-ex yam ...".

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ubuhlobo obungafanelekanga xa utshatile-Nantsi into omawuyazi

13. Omnye wenu uya kuphelela ebuhlungu ngokuqinisekileyo

Musa ukulushiya ucango luvuliwe ngenxa yokwenzakala. Ukuba nangoku googling, "Njani ndifumana phezu ex yam?", Ukuba ngabahlobo nabo isenokungabi lolona luvo. Ubuhlobo phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo busenokubhenca omnye wenu okanye nobabini kwintlungu nokwenzakala, nto leyo embi kakhulu kunento eyabangelwa kukwahlukana. Oku kuyinyani ngakumbi ukuba kukho iimvakalelo ezingasonjululwanga ekudlaleni kwaye nobabini nihambe ixesha elide ngaphandle kokuthandana nomnye umntu. Ukuba ngabahlobo kunye ne-ex ekukhathazayo kuya kuhlala kuhlaba ukuba ukuwe inkqubo yokuphulukisa ukuhlukana. “Qaphela esona sizathu sisemva kweengcinga zakho zokuba ngabahlobo kuba ukuba kuza nexabiso eliphezulu kakhulu”, ulumkisa ngelitshoyo uNandita. 

I-Reddit umsebenzisi ubhala athi, “benditshomana ne ex yam after sohlukene since 6 months now sobabini besi single, bendiqala ukucinga ukuba “I'm over her” and we can be “just friends” but namhlanje undixelele ngomfana athanda ukujola naye yanditshisa ngaphakathi, maybe I still have feelings for her and yena akanayo, or ebefuna nje ukundenza I jealous, NOW I DON’T MNA I DON’T jealous? bendingalindelanga ukuba ndingenzakaliswe ngolu hlobo.”

14. Ubuqabane obusempilweni busenokungaphinde bubekho

Ukuphonononga ubuhlobo obutsha kunye nokudibana nabantu abatsha lutyekelo lwendalo xa ufuna ubuqabane. Kunokuba ungene kubuhlobo nomntu othandana naye, kufanelekile ukuvavanya ukhetho lwakho. Endaweni yokufumanisa ukuba unokuba ngabahlobo njani ne ex yakho, kunokuba ngcono ukuba uyeke kwaye uhlolisise. Ukomeleza iibhondi ezikhoyo ngoku ukuchitha ixesha nabahlobo okanye oogxa baseofisini banokunika isiseko esizinzile nesinengqiqo kunxibelelwano olutsha. Ukusondela kubudlelwane beplatonic ngombono omtsha kuvumela ukucaca ngokweemvakalelo kwaye kuthintele iingxaki ezinokuvela ngokugcina ubuhlobo obusondeleyo nomntu okwixesha elidlulileyo lothando.

15. Khumbula isizathu sokuba nahlukane

Nokuba nobabini naqhawuka nahlukane ngenxa yeenqobo ezisemgangathweni kunye neenkolelo eziphikisanayo, imiba yokuthembana, okanye ijike yaba yi-a ubudlelwane obunetyhefu, Inyaniso yombandela kukuba ulwalamano aluzange luhlale kwaye oko kububungqina bokungafanelani kunye neengxaki ezisisiseko. Khumbula oku xa uthi kuwe, "Ndiyamthanda ex yam" ngokulandelayo. Umnqweno wakho wokuba ngumhlobo nomntu onemiba engasonjululwanga awunampilo kwaye unokujika ube yityhefu ngokukhawuleza. Kufuneka ubeke imida. Andinakuthi ngokucacileyo, “Musa ukuba ngabahlobo neex yakho.” Kodwa ndingathanda ukuqondisa kwakhona amehlo akho kwizizathu ezisemva kobudlelwane bungasebenzi. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba, kwaezo zizathu zinokubuchaphazela nobuhlobo.

Ke, ngaba kusempilweni ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nowakwakho? Ndiza kukuvumela ukuba ube ngumgwebi waloo nto. Ndizamile ukwandisa ukujonga kwakho kwizinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele ngononophelo ngaphambi kokuba unikezele kumnqweno wokudityaniswa ne-ex yakho. Iimvakalelo zomntu zintsonkothile kwaye akukho mpendulo ilinganayo kumbuzo wokuba kufuneka ube ngumhlobo okanye hayi umhlobo wakho.

Khumbula, ukuphilisa akuyonkqubo ehambelanayo. Ngenye imini usenokuthi “Andinakukwazi ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu endandithandana naye” yaye ngenye imini usenokubuza “Ngaba kulungile ukuba ngumhlobo nomntu endandithandana naye”? Ekuphela kwento endiyicebisayo kukuba ucamngce ngeengongoma esixubushe ngazo kweli nqaku kwaye wenze isigqibo esinengqiqo nesinengqiqo esiya kuba yingenelo kwimpilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo ekuhambeni kwexesha.

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