Ngaba ndibiza i-Ex yam - Iingcebiso ezili-12 zokuthatha isigqibo

Abaqeqeshi bobudlelwane banokukhwaza hayi ukusuka eluphahleni xa ubuza, "Ngaba ndimele ndibize i-ex yam?". Kodwa xa iqabane lam langaphambili linditsalela umnxeba ukuze libone ukuba ndiqhuba njani, saphela sibuyelana kulwalamano olonwabisayo. Loo nto indenze ndakholelwa ukuba ngokwenene kuxhomekeke kwimeko, kwaye akunakubakho mpendulo jikelele. Ngoko, xa uCindy, endisebenza naye, wayesabelana naye emsebenzini esithi, “Ndifuna ukuthetha nomntu endandithandana naye” ndamcela ukuba andinike iinkcukacha ezingakumbi kunokuba ndithi hayi ngqo. Nanga amacebiso endimnike wona angakunceda ukuba ujongane no "Ngaba kufuneka ndinxibelelane ne-ex yam?" ingxaki.

Ngaba Ndifowunele I-Ex Yam? Eyona Ngxaki

Lo mbuzo uye wabangela ukuba abantu abaninzi balale, nasemva kweminyaka emininzi yokwahlukana kwabo. Isenokubonakala ingaqhelekanga, kodwa kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuziva ufuna ukudibana nomntu owayesakuba naye. Nokuba ukuthetha nabo ngathi akukho nto itshintshileyo okanye ukubakhwaza ngokungazami ngakumbi kubudlelwane, okanye ukuqhayisa ngomntu omtsha odibene naye kwivenkile yekofu. wenze umona wakho ex. Ukwahlukana akukho lula. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ucinge ngokuthetha ne-ex yakho emva kokwahlukana, nazi ezinye izinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele:

Yintoni injongo yakho?

Ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo sokuba ufowunele i-ex yakho, cinga ngeyona nto iphambili ekukhuthazeni. Zibuze:

• Ngaba ndiyafuna vala, okanye ngaba ngokufihlakeleyo ndinethemba lokuvuselela ubuhlobo?
• Ngaba ngokwenene kukho into ebalulekileyo endifuna ukuyicombulula, okanye ngaba ndifuna ukuthuthuzelwa ngokweemvakalelo?
• Ngaba lo mnxeba uza kundinceda ndiqhubele phambili, okanye uya kunditsalela emva kwingxaki yeemvakalelo?

Ukuqonda injongo yakho kuya kukunceda ubone ukuba ukufikelela sisigqibo esinempilo okanye ukuba kungcono ukugxila ekuphilisweni kwakho.

Sebenzisa ingqikelelo ileli yexabiso

Ileli yexabiso yingcamango yezengqondo edla ngokusetyenziswa kushishino, kodwa iyasebenza nakubudlelwane. Ngamagama alula, yonke intsebenziswano yongeza okanye isusa ixabiso kwintlalontle yakho yeemvakalelo.

• Ukuba ukufowunela i-ex yakho kuya kukunceda ufumane ukucaca, ukuvalwa, okanye uxolo lwengqondo, inokuba linyathelo lokunyuka kweleli yexabiso.
• Nangona kunjalo, ukuba kuya kukhokelela ukuzithemba, intliziyo ebuhlungu, okanye ithemba lobuxoki, kukunyathela phantsi kweleli

Vavanya ukuba esi sigqibo singena phi na ekukhuleni kwakho ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ufowune kuphela ukuba siyakunyusela kwileli yesikweko.

Yazi umthetho we-7/38/55

Ithiyori yonxibelelwano ka-Albert Mehrabian ithi:

• I-7% yonxibelelwano isekelwe kumagama
• I-38% yithoni yelizwi
• I-55% lulwimi lomzimba

Ngoko xa ucinga, "Ngaba ndifanele ndibize i-ex yam yokuvalwa?" khumbula ukuba ukungabikho impawu zomzimba ekufowuneni kunokuwenza nzima ngakumbi umcimbi. Kwaye ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuqhubeka nesigqibo, qiniseka ukuba uyicwangcisa incoko ngokucacileyo ukuphepha nakuphi na ukungaqondani.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iintlobo ezili-10 zoLwahlulo olubuyela emva kunye neXesha

Iingcebiso ezili-12 zokugqiba ukuba kufuneka ufowunele i-Ex yakho

Abantu abaphulukani neemvakalelo zothando ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba ubudlelwane babo buphele. Ukulahlekelwa iimvakalelo yinkqubo ngokuthe ngcembe yokuziva mbi ngakumbi kunangaphambili, ukuzama ukugxila kwintlalontle yakho ngelixa uziva ulilolo ngalo lonke ixesha, kwaye uphuma kuyo njengomntu omtsha. Kulula ukuthetha kunokukwenza, nangona kunjalo. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukukhumbula ukuba ukufowunela ex yakho iya kuba ramifications. Ngaba uzilungele ezo? 

Ukufowunela ex yakho okanye hayi ukufowunela ex yakho, lowo ngumbuzo - kwaye siya kuzama ukukuphendulela yona.

1. Ngaba lo mnxeba kulowo wam wayengenalo uthando?

Esona sizathu ungafowunela inombolo ex yakho ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala ukuba umnxeba non-zothando kwaye lolungiselelo ngokusulungekileyo. Uninzi lwezi zizathu zidlala kobo budlelwane apho kukho uhlobo oluthile lobunini obudibeneyo.

• Uphelelwa lixesha. Abaphenduli ngokubhaliweyo/ngeposi, kwaye ufuna olu lwazi okanye into ngokungxamisekileyo. Oku kunokubandakanya nawaphi na amaxwebhu, iinkcukacha ze-akhawunti, iinkcukacha zokuqeshisa, njl.
• Kwimeko yabatshatileyo, isenokuba malunga nolwazi lwezempilo xa usabelana ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ngokudibeneyo 
• Nisebenza kunye kwaye kufuneka nithethe ngento enxulumene nomsebenzi

Ezo zizathu zifanelekile kwanokuba baye bakucela ukuba ungazabalazeli iimbopheleleko. Nangona kunjalo, ungaqhubeki uqamba izizathu ezinjengokwenza ngathi ufuna ipani yentsimbi onayo kwiminyaka emithathu edlulileyo kwintengiso yegaraji. Eneneni, oko kusenokuba sisizathu esibambekayo. Iipani zentsimbi zihlala ubomi bonke.

2. Ngaba ndiyaziqonda ngokupheleleyo iimvakalelo zam?

Isizathu sokuba kuthiwa ungaze uqhagamshelane ex yakho kukuba abantu abaninzi abekho kwindawo elungileyo xa bephuma kubudlelwane. Kuthatha ixesha ukuqonda indlela ubani avakalelwa ngayo. Unokucinga ukuba uziva unothando kubo, kodwa ubukhulu becala ngumxube wokuziva unetyala, ukwaliwa kunye nobulolo.

• Ngaphandle kokuba uchonga iimvakalelo zakho kunye nesithuba asuka kuso, ayingombono ulungileyo ukuthumela umyalezo obhaliweyo kulowo uthandana naye.
• Kusenokufuneka ucinge ukuba uphantsi kwayo nayiphi na impembelelo efana notywala njengoko oko kunokuchaphazela amandla akho okuqiqa. Ukunxila kwaye ukubiza i-ex yakho yeyona nto imbi kakhulu. Awungeneleli nje kubumfihlo babo kodwa kunokuthatha ixesha elingakumbi ukubeka umntwana wakho wangaphakathi ngesi siganeko silihlazo.
• Yintoni omawuyenze xa ufuna ukufowunela iex yakho? Thetha nabahlobo bakho. Abahlobo abalungileyo baya kuqinisekisa ukuba awenzi nantoni na onokuzisola ngayo kamva

3. Ngaba baye baqhubeka nobomi babo?

Xa ucinga, "Ngaba kufuneka ndithethe nomntu wam?" zithathele ingqalelo izinto ezintsha ezinokwenzeka. Kungenzeka ukuba ngelixa uqinisekile ukuba ukufowunela i-ex yakho kuya kusombulula zonke iingxaki zakho zangaphambili kwaye nina nobabini ninokubuyelana, sele beqhubekile phambili. Abantu abaninzi baya kwi rebound dating spree ukuze badlule kwii-ex zabo. Kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, iyasebenza.

• Kungenzeka ukuba abasakufuni kwaye banokukuxelela oko ngamagama amaninzi. Ngaba ucinga ukuba unokuthatha ukukhatywa okwesibini? Kusenokwenzeka ukuba basenokufuna ukuba ubuye emva kokuphindaphinda kodwa eso sigqibo kufuneka silingane kwaye kufuneka size emva kokwaziswa okuninzi. 
• Abahlobo bobabini banokukunceda wenze esi sigqibo. Ukuba bathi isithandwa sakho sangaphambili sifuna ixesha elingakumbi, ke umamele
• Enye into ebalulekileyo ekufuneka uyiqaphele apha kukuba nangona ufuna ukubuyelana nabo, ucinga ukuba baya kuvuya nawe? Cinga ngomzuzu we-iconic ukusuka Bruce, uSomandla apho umlinganiswa kaJim Carrey, uBruce, efumanisa uGrace (odlalwa nguJennifer Aniston) ethandazela ukuba amlibale. Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka uvumele abantu bahambe ukuze bonwabe ngokwenene

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-15 awukadluli kwi-Ex yakho

4. Ngaba bakhulile ngokwengqondo?

Abantu abafuna ukuqhubela phambili bahlala begxininisa amandla abo kuphuhliso lomntu emva kokwahlukana. Oku kunokuba njalo nakwi-ex yakho. Ngoko ke, ukuba uyazibuza, “Ngaba ndiqhagamshelane ne-ex yam ndibanike a Ithuba lesibini?,” qiniseka ukuba baphucukile kwaye bakulungele ukuba liqabane elingcono kunangaphambili.Kungenjalo, ubuyele kwimeko yokuqala.

• Buza abahlobo bakho ukuba bangacinga ukuba i-ex yakho ibe yinguqulelo engcono kubo. Ngaba basenayo imiba efanayo, ngaba basathetha amazwi angafanelekanga, ngaba basengamagqabantshintshi, ngaba basaluphepha uxanduva, olo hlobo lwento?
• Ngokutsho isifundo, Ngaphezu kwe-69% yezibini eziye zabuyelana emva kokuhlukana zithi ukuziphucula kwabanceda baphinde badibanise kwaye baphucule umgangatho wobudlelwane. Ukuba ufuna i-ex yakho ibuyele kuwe, zibuze, ngaba ungumntu ongcono ngoku? Kwaye ngempatho enobulungisa, buza abahlobo bakho ukuba nabo, bacinga ngokufanayo
• Kuya kuba sengqiqweni ukubabiza kuphela ukuba nobabini nilungele ngokwengqondo. Ukuba nabani na kuni akanalo uhlobo lokukhula lobuqu oluthathayo ukugcina ubudlelwane, mhlawumbi kuya kufuneka nihlale kunye ixesha elingakumbi.

5. Ngaba ndifanele ndifowunele i-ex yam ukuba ndivale?

Imfuneko yokuba nencoko emva kokwahlukana isenokuqhubeka nasemva kweminyaka. Research icebisa ukuba imfuno yokuvala inokwandisa amava angalunganga kubudlelwane. Oku kuthetha ukuba ngaphandle kokuvalwa, unokuqhubeka ubuyela kwixesha elifanayo leengxabano okanye intlungu. Ngelishwa, ukufowunela i-ex yakho kusenokunganikezeli ngokuvalwa okufunayo kwaye kusenokwenzakalisa ngakumbi emva koko. Ukwahlukana kunokuba yingozi, kwaye ayinguye wonke umntu onokufuna ukuthetha ngabo, ngakumbi ukuba elinye iqabane linomdla wokuphuma kubudlelwane. Oku kusebenza ngakumbi ukuba nobabini nigqibe ekubeni ningaqhagamshelani. Impendulo ethi "Ngaba ndingaqhawuki unxibelelwano?" phantse isoloko hayi. Nazi ezinye izinto onokuzenza endaweni yoko:

• Lawula iimvakalelo zakho. Ukuthetha nabo kuya kuphakamisa ixhala onalo kwaye akuzokunceda ukusombulula nantoni na. Kulumkele ukuqhagamshelana ukuba ufuna ukuvalwa
• Ukuqinisekisa ukuvala emva kokuhlukana, unokuthetha ngayo kubahlobo okanye kumalungu entsapho asondeleyo. Ukuba oko kubonakala kusoyikisa, bhala ileta ende malunga neemvakalelo zakho kwaye ufumane konke okubuhlungu kuwe, igama elinye ngexesha.
• Unako kwakhona ukususa naziphi na iimpawu ezibonakalayo ubukho babo. Thabatha nantoni na eyayisisipho kubo. Unganikela ngezi zinto okanye uzitshise ngesiphumo esimangalisayo. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuhambisa izindlu okanye imisebenzi kuyanceda

6. Ngaba baziintshatsheli zobushushu nokubanda?

Eyona nto iphambili isizathu ex yakho ishushu kwaye iyabanda kukuba bafuna ukukugcina kwikhonkco. Xa unxibelelana ne-ex, ibanika isiqinisekiso sokuba amaqhinga abo asebenza kuwe. Bafuna ukukugcina ezinzwaneni zakho kwaye ufumane ukuba usabele. Oku kubaxelela ukuba basesengqondweni yakho. Ubudlelwane obunjalo bonakaliswe kwakudala, kwaye i-passive-aggression ithathe indawo yokulahlekelwa ngumtsalane.

• Ukuba ukhe walixhoba lokuziphatha kwabo okuphoxayo, unokuziva umbi ngakumbi emva kokwahlukana kwaye uhlale uzibuza, “Ngaba ndifanele ndimtsalele umnxeba ndicele uxolo?” AmaNarcissists azama ukubangela ukungakhuseleki kubantu ababangqongileyo ukuze bazive bekhuselekile ngokwabo. Kuba ukomelezwa okuqinisekileyo kuza kwimeko ethile kubudlelwane nabo, unokukufumanisa kunzima ukukholelwa ukuba ufanele ukonwaba kwaphela.
• Basenokusebenzisa imithombo yeendaba zentlalo okanye abahlobo abafanayo ukukuphembelela okanye ukufumana impendulo kuwe. Ukuba banjalo-ukungakhuselekanga kunye nokungakhuli ngokwasemphefumlweni-ukunxibelelana ne-ex yakho kuya kuqhubela phambili umjikelo owaphule ngaphambili.

7. Ngaba ndohlukana kakubi?

Ngaba ndingaqhawula unxibelelwano? Isenokungabi ngumbono olungileyo ukuba ukhe waba nayo Ukwahlukana okubi. Amathuba kukuba abakayifumani, nokuba unayo. 

• Ukuba ukwahlukana kwakubandakanya ukuba bahlazeke okanye bohlwaywe ngenxa yento abangayifanelanga, kungathatha iminyaka ukwenza uxolo kunye nawe ukuba ubani udlula kuloo nto.
• Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokufowunela i-ex yakho, eyakulahlayo ngenxa yokusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi, abanakufane bavuyiswe xa beqaphela ukuba uphezulu njengekhayithi emnxebeni. Sebenza kwimiba yakho kuqala
• Kubumbeko ukunika iex yakho indawo emva kokwahlukana. Kuya kutshabalalisa amathuba akho okubuyela kunye nabo ukuba awusihloniphi eso sithuba
• Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ufowunele umntu owayengathembekanga kuwe. Umntu owayekuqhathile wayenza eyiqonda ngokupheleleyo lento ayenzayo. Banyhashe ukuthembela kwakho, kwaye ufanelwe ngumntu ongcono kunoko

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8. Ngaba kuya kuba “nzima” ukuba ngabahlobo kunye nabo?

U-Moira, umqeqeshi wobudlelwane, uthi, "Abanye abathengi bam bahlala bebahlobo kunye namaqabane abo emva kokuba ubudlelwane buphelile. Ngoko, akunakwenzeka ngokupheleleyo. Kodwa abo bantu bazana iminyaka emininzi, kwaye ngoko ubudlelwane babo bebonke bebonke ngaphezu kothando. Kodwa kubantu abaninzi, kunqabile ukuba kube njalo, kungenxa yoko xa abantu bebuza "Ngaba ndimele ndithethe ngokuchasene ne-ex yam?"

• Unokwenza isigqibo sokuba uyafuna hlalani bahlobo kunye ex yakho, kodwa khumbula ukuba kunzima ukuba ex-abathandi ukuba ngokupheleleyo platonic omnye komnye. Kwakhona, kunokwenzeka ukuba iqabane lakho okanye iqabane lakho elitsha alinokonwaba ngalo
• Ubudlelwane obunzima inokuchaphazela impilo yakho yengqondo kwaye ithintele ukukhula kwakho. Unokufumana imvakalelo yokuba "ubambekile kwiluphu" ekunzima ukuyiqhawula
• Qinisekisa ukuba ixesha elaneleyo lidlulile ukuze nobabini nifikelele kwinqanaba lokuqalisa i-platonic kunye nebhondi enempilo

9. Ngaba ndibambeke kwilophu yokuzenzakalisa?

Ngaba unengxaki yokuqhubeka kwaye ubambelele kwi-loop apho uhlala ucinga khona malunga nabo okanye ude ubalandele? Ukuba kunjalo, kuyacaca ukuba awukakulungeli ukuba nolwalamano olukhulileyo ngokweemvakalelo naye nabani na, singasathethi ke nge ex yakho. Ukuqhagamshelana ne-ex yakho kuya kuthintela kuphela inkqubo yokuphilisa.

• Thetha nabahlobo, okanye ingcali ukuba ucinga ukuba ukuhamba kuya kuba nzima kuwe. Nge Bi-onobology, sinikezela ngephaneli ebalaseleyo yeengcali kunye nabacebisi. Cinga ngamathuba amatsha, phuma, ube namava amatsha
• Umgaqo jikelele wobhontsi kukulinda iiveki ezintathu ubuncinci. Kwincwadi yakhe, Imikhwa yeAtomic, UJames Clear ubhala ukuba umntu uthatha ubuncinci beentsuku ezingama-21 ukwenza umkhwa. Umbono kukuwela kwenye indlela yesiqhelo apho wenza izinto ezingaqhelekanga kunye nomngeni kwaye ugcine ingqondo yakho ingekho kuyo.
• Research icebisa ukuba ukuwela kwisiqhelo kunokunceda ukuzinzisa impilo yengqondo kwaye kukuncede uphile ubomi obunempilo

10. Ndifowunele I ex yam xa ndimkhumbula ndifuna ubuyelana?

UJim, umfundisi-ntsapho waseMassachusetts, wabelana nathi, “Xa owayekade endithanda wafowunela ukubona ukuba ndiqhuba njani, abahlobo bam bathi iyamangalisa, njengoko sasigqibe ekubeni umthetho wokungaqhagamshelwa. Kodwa ndavuya ukuva ilizwi lakhe. Sahlala sinxibelelana kangangexesha elithile, yaye ndathi ndakuqonda ukuba ngokwenene wayengumntu otshintshileyo, ndagqiba kwelokuba ndibuyele kuye.” Kubalulekile ukuba nibe kwiphepha elinye ukuba nobabini kunye nowakho wangaphambili nifuna ukubuyelana.

• Ekuphela kwendlela ayizukuba yinto engaqhelekanga okanye ebuhlungu xa ufowunela i ex yakho kukuba nobabini nikulungele ukuthetha omnye komnye kwaye nizisebenzele ngokwenu.
• Kukho ithuba elikhulu lokuba ngexesha elithile uya kugqiba ukuxoxa ngokwahlukana. Ukuba omnye wenu ujonge ukukhetha kwi-scabs yobudlelwane obudala, incoko iya kuhla
• Kwakhona kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba i-ex yakho ifuna ukubuyelana nawe ngenxa yokuba ikuthanda, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba ingafuni ukuziva isithukuthezi. Hlola nabahlobo, ngaba bahamba nantoni na ebuhlungu? Kungcono ukubashiya bodwa ngelixa belungisa iimvakalelo zabo ngaphambi kokuba ufikelele kubo

11. Ngaba kufuneka ndifikelele kwi-ex yam ndisazi ukuba ayizukuphumelela?

Ngamanye amaxesha uyazi ukuba ubudlelwane abuyi kuphumelela kuba wena okanye ex yakho ufuna ukulalanisa kwizinto ezithile. Umzekelo, ukuba uhlala kwizixeko ezahlukeneyo, nobabini anikalungeli ukuhamba kwaye a ubudlelwane bomgama omde ayisiyonto yakho, ke akukho sizathu sokufikelela kubo emva kokwahlukana.

• Khumbula ukuba ubudlelwane bakho buphelile ngenxa yokuba uneengxaki. Ukuba nobabini anisebenzi kuyo, kusenokwenzeka ukuba niya kuphinda nidlule kule nto kwakhona. Kwaye wonke umjikelo wokuqhekeka kunye nokubuyelana kuya kukwenzakalisa wena, owakwakho, kunye nabanye abantu ebomini bakho
• Funa iqela lenkxaso ukuze lincede kule nto njengoko kungazukuba lula. Ukuba izinto ziba nzima, yenza uluhlu lwe-pro-con kwaye ubhale phantsi zonke iziganeko apho uziva uphoxekile. Kuya kuba lula ngalo lonke ixesha uqonda ukuba akufuneki udlule kuyo kwakhona

12 Ngaba ndityhubela imbandezelo?

Ukuba ukwixesha elicinezelayo njengokufa komntu omthandayo okanye ooyeha bengcali, uya kuba nexesha elinzima ukuhlangabezana nokwahlukana kwaye ingenza ukuba ufune ukubuyela kwi-ex yakho. Inxalenye yayo iya kuba ngenxa yempilo yakho yengqondo, ebinokuthi ithathe inyathelo lokuqala.

• Hlalutya indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngokwenene. Ngaba uziva ulilolo ngenxa yokuba ucinga ngabo okanye uziva usengozini ngenxa yento yangaphandle?
• Kufuneka ulungele imeko apho izinto zingahambi ngendlela yakho. Ngaba ukulungele ukujongana neentlungu xa unokuziva ngakumbi emva kokuthetha nomntu wakho?
• Ukuba usafuna ukubuyelana nabo, mhlawumbi iya kuba licebo elilungileyo ukulinda kwaye uphilise kwimiba ojongene nayo. Nje ukuba ucacelwe, uya kukwazi ukwenza isigqibo esingcono

Iingcinga Final

Ngaphambi kokuba ufowunele i-ex yakho, thatha umzuzwana ucingisise ngentshukumisa yakho kunye neziphumo ezinokwenzeka. Umnqweno wokufikelela usukelo kungokwemvelo, kodwa ukubeka phambili impilo-ntle yakho ngundoqo. Ukuba umnxeba awuzukongeza ixabiso elakhayo kubomi bakho, kunokuba kuhle ukuba uvumele ixesha elidlulileyo lihlale kwixesha elidlulileyo.

Iimpawu ezi-9 zokuthandana nomntwana oyindoda

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.