Siphila kwixesha apho amadoda kufuneka aqonde ukuba “uhayi uthetha uhayi”. Akukho ndlela zimbini ngayo. Kudala siphila kwinkcubeko apho amadoda ayengavumi ukuthatha “hayi” impendulo. Ukungcungcuthekisa, ukunyathela, ukumbambazela emva koko ukhuphe u-“ewe” kwinenekazi kubudlelwane, ukwanga, ukusondelana, kwakwamkelekile. Masicace apha: imvume yokuthandana yeyona nto ibalulekileyo ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo sokufumana umzimba nomntu.
Nantoni na ababeyibonisa kwimifanekiso eshukumayo okanye oko wakufundayo kwibutho loosolusapho okanye kwikhaya elilawulayo, zonke zaziphosakele. Lixesha lokuziyeka zonke ezo zinto. Inye kuphela into ngoku: Ukunqongophala kwemvume kuthetha ukuhlukunyezwa ngokwesondo, ixesha. Yaye awufuni kubizwa ngokuba ungumxhaphazi, akunjalo? Lifikile ixesha lokuba ufunde ngentsingiselo yokwenyani yokuvuma ukuthandana.
Ithetha ntoni Imvume?
Isiqulatho
Ukuba usathandabuza ngeyona ntsingiselo kunye noluvo lwemvume yokuthandana, silapha ukukucacisela umcimbi.
The Cambridge IsiNgesi Dictionary ichaza igama elithi ukuvuma: kukuvumela ukwenza into ethile, okanye ukuvumela umntu enze into ethile.
Yiyo loo nto ukungavumelani nento ethile okanye ukuthi hayi oqinisekileyo kuya kuba kukunqongophala kwemvume. Xa intombazana isithi hayi kwizinto ozifunayo ngokwesondo okanye ikunika iimpawu ezingezizo zomlomo ezikhomba kwicala elichaseneyo nemvume yakho, ayivumi ukwenza loo nto nawe. Funda izikhokelo kwaye uthathe iingcebiso kuba ukucinezela ngaphandle kwemvume kukuhlukunyezwa.
Ewe, kunokwenzeka ukuba imvume kwingxoxo-mpikiswano inokufumana nzima ngamanye amaxesha. Kodwa kwakhona kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuba ngenxa yokuba intombazana imnike uvume ukuba umncamise, akuthethi ukuba unike imvume eyongezelelekileyo yokuba neentlobano zesini. Oko kuhlala kuyinto eyahlukileyo ngokupheleleyo.
Kutheni le nto imvume ibalulekile?
Ngoku, lo ngumbono abasetyhini abaqhelene kakhulu nawo kodwa abafana babonakala ngathi basemphethweni ngayo.
“Wayefuna ukundincamisa, kutheni engafuni ukulala nam?” Ivakala iqhelekile? Ewe, ke, ngokucacileyo ubhideke kakhulu malunga nombono kunye nokubaluleka kwemvume.
Khawucinge nje ngalo mzekelo ulula: Wonwabela iayisi khrimu emnandi uwedwa uze ugqibe kwelokuba udle nomhlobo wakho kodwa xa umnika, utye yonke loo nto. Okubi nangakumbi kukuba, akazange afune nemvume yakho kuyo! Oko kuya kukukhathaza. Ewe, ubufuna ukwabelana ngokuthanda kokuluma kodwa hayi yonke ice cream.
Oku kuya kukushiya uzive ukhathazekile kwaye ungcatshiwe kwaye awuyi kukwazi ukuchaza iimvakalelo zakho nokuba. Kuyafana xa ulungile ngokumanga kodwa umfana wakho ufuna ukuba ungene kwisenzo yonke indlela.
Masitshintshe i-scenario ngoku. Ukwindawo enye, kunye ne-ayisikrimu enye kodwa ngeli xesha ngumntu ongamaziyo nawe. Awufuni ukwabelana ngale ice cream nomntu ongamaziyo ngokuqinisekileyo. Uyakubuza ukuba angakuluma na kwaye uyala izihlandlo ezininzi. Kufuneka kube lula ngokwaneleyo, akunjalo? Kodwa lo mfana uyadlula aze alume.
Ulwaphulo oluchanekileyo olungacetywanga lokungafumani mvume. Isenokuba ngumntu ongamaziyo okanye isenokuba ngumntu omaziyo kodwa xa usithi hayi kulo naluphi na uhlobo lokudibana komzimba kufuneka yamkelwe. Ukuba usahamba phambili ngoko usebenzisa amandla ukukuhlukumeza.
Ngoku, masibuyise incoko ukuze sivume ukuthandana kunye namava ezesondo. Imvume ibalulekile kuba wena ningabi nagunya phezu komzimba womnye umntu. Yeyabo ukwenza ngokuthanda kwabo kwaye banelungelo lokuvumela umntu ukuba ayichukumise okanye angayichukumisi. Ngoko ke, ukucela imvume kubalulekile.
Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuthatha ibango kumzimba womnye umntu nakanjani na, into oyenzayo ayikho mthethweni. Ugqitha kwipropati yomnye umntu, ngandlela ithile.
Nokuba siyahlula ukuba semthethweni kwayo yonke into kwaye sijonge imvume yokuthandana nePoV yomntu, ukucinezela ngaphandle kwemvume yomntu kuya kukhokelela ekuthotyweni, ukwaphula, ukuqhawuka kwentembeko nokholo kunye nokungahloniphi loo mntu. Uya kugqiba ukubeka emngciphekweni ubudlelwane bakho nomntu kwaye umnike ukuthemba imiba yobomi. Ngaba yiloo nto uyifunayo ngokwenene?
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ngaba uthando lusinika ilungelo lokungayihoyi imvume? Hayi, nokuba iBollywood itsho njalo!
Imithetho yemvume kubudlelwane
Siphila kwixesha lemvume apho ukubeka imida ukuthandana iba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu. Le mida ibandakanya imvume. Uninzi lwabantu luhlala phantsi kwesigqubuthelo sengcamango ephosakeleyo yokuba ngenxa yokuba uthandana nomntu, unemvume esisigxina.
Oku akuyonyani njengoko imvume inokutshintsha ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo; utshintsho kwiimvakalelo, yenye yazo. Kukho ithuba elikhulu lokuba ukuba iqabane lakho libonisa zonke iimpawu ezingezizo zomlomo zokungafumani mvume, baye bazirhoxisa ezabo. Njengeqabane elilinganayo kubudlelwane, ngumsebenzi wakho ukuhlonipha loo minqweno.
Ukuba ngenene nikubudlelwane ngokulingana kulungile ukuseta imithetho esisiseko ebandakanya le miba. Kuhlala kulungile ukuba negama elikhuselekileyo xa kuziwa kwimvume. Uninzi lwabantu luye lwasixelela ukuba banegama elikhuselekileyo abalisebenzisayo ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo ukuba izinto ziqala ukuba nzima ukuba elinye iqabane liphathe.
Kwincoko nomhlobo – Umzekelo wemvume
Ebefuna ukutyelela idolophu engaselwandle ndifunda kuyo ngoku. Kuyavuyisa, ewe! Ekubeni ndim ndedwa anokutyelela apha, iindawo zokulala ziza kuhoywa nguye (njengoko etshilo).
Ke amalungiselelo ayeza kwenziwa kwaye uzisa yonke indawo yokuhlala kunye kwaye unethemba malunga "nokuqhushumba" esiza kuba nako. Umbono wakhe wokuqhushumba, ndafunda kamva, wayehleli kwigumbi lehotele, ephakama / enxila kunye nam kwaye mhlawumbi encokola nam. Ndiyayihleka le joke. Kwavela ukuba waye serious.
“Ungathini ukuba ndingakuncamisa?” apho ndiphendula ndithi, "Ngoko bendiza kukutyhala".
"Kuthekani ukuba ndingayenza kwakhona?"
Emva koko bendiya kukucela ukuba ume ndikukhumbuze ukuba andifuni ukukuncamisa.
"Mhlawumbi ukuba unxilile, uya kufuna."
Bendikhe ndanxila ngaphambili.
Umzuzwana wokuthula ulandelwa ngu:
“Ungakhathazeki, andizukwenza nto ndingabuzanga kuwe.”
“Ungakhathazeki, iseza kuba nguhayi.”
"Ndizakuqhubeka ndizama".
Ke "qhubeka uzama" kumalunga nokundikhathaza ade afumane imvume okanye "uqhubeke uzama" de ndizive ndifuna ukumphuza, andizange ndiyeke ukumbuza.
Dating yenziwe lula kakhulu nge zonke ii-apps ezinikezelwe ukufumana abantu ngeenxa zonke kuwe. Njengee-noodles ezikhawulezayo, ukufumana imihla kuthatha ngaphantsi kwemizuzu emi-3. Imihla eyenziwe lula, ingqiqo yemvume ilityalwe ngokupheleleyo kwaye ukungabikho kwemvume kuba yinto eqhelekileyo. Mhlawumbi seso sizathu sokuba umhlobo wam acinge kuba ndiza kuchitha ubusuku kunye, siza kuchitha ubusuku kunye.
UkuFunda okuFanayo: Uyimisela njani imida yeemvakalelo kubudlelwane?
Unxulumano phakathi kokuthandana kunye nemvume
A hayi kuthetha hayi – ayingomzamo wokuba abantu bafune ukuba uqhubeke uzama de utshintshe ingqondo yakho. Ngexesha lentshukumo ye- #Me Too inkosikazi eyayiphume kumdlalo ohlekisayo u-Aziz Ansari wathi waziva ecinezelekile ukuba alale naye. Ngelixa inenekazi lasebenzisa “izikhokelo ezithethwayo nezingathethwayo” ukumazisa ukuba aliziva mnandi ngalo mbono kodwa waqhubeka embethelela.
Umhla waphela ngokwabelana ngesondo kodwa umhla awuzange uvume ngokupheleleyo kodwa akazange athethe nto ngokucacileyo. Imikhosi echasayo inokuxoxa malunga nokuba semthethweni kokwala komhla ukumcela ukuba ayeke, amanye amandla anokuthi afake izityholo kuye ngokupheleleyo.
Aziz Anasari kwenye yakhe imiboniso yakutshanje wathi eso siganeko samnika umbono. Wathi: “Kuyoyikeka ukuthetha ngayo, kukho amaxesha endandiziva ndikhathazeke ngokwenene, ndithotyiwe yaye ndineentloni, yaye ekugqibeleni ndandiziva ndibuhlungu gqitha lo mntu wayeziva ngolu hlobo.Kodwa uyazi, emva konyaka, indlela endivakalelwa ngayo ngayo, ndiyathemba ukuba yayilinyathelo eliya phambili.Yandenza ndacinga kakhulu, yaye ndiyathemba ukuba ndiye ndangumntu ongcono,” watsho.
Imvume yokuthandana kunye nendawo engacacanga
Yintoni imvume yokuthandana? Siyinika njani rhoqo okanye siyicela njani? Thatha imeko yeTinder. Uswayipha ngasekunene, qalisa incoko kwaye mhlawumbi uthanda umntu. Kukangaphi sigilwa “ngeefoto zodaka”? Kutshanje, ndifumene ifoto yenkunkuma yendoda ku-Instagram; qha ingxaki khange ndiyicele.
Yavela nje kwaye kwafuneka ndiphile ngayo. Esi senzo sinokufaniswa nesibane esidanyazayo kumntu odlula ngendlela. Ngaba ukuswayipha ekunene kubanika igunya lokuziphatha ngendlela evakalala? Okanye ngaba oku kugqalwa njengokuziphatha okwaneleyo ekubeni kungekho mntu wenzakaliswayo ebusweni? Kodwa khawufane ucinge ngokuya kumhla kunye nale Flasher evela kwiTinder?
Ukuba unako ukuthumela nudes engacelwanga phezu kwimidiya virtual, yintoni na amathuba akakhathali kakhulu malunga nemvume kwihlabathi lokwenyani ngokwayo?
Ummandla ongwevu ukuthandana ugwetyelwe kakuhle nguJustin Meyers, umbhali we GQ Magazine. Ubhala athi, “Sizixelele ukuba 'yindawo engwevu', imithetho ejikeleze kuyo imfiliba kwaye ayichazwanga kangangokuba esinokuthi siyenze kukuyenza kwaye sinethemba lokuba akukho mntu uza kumangalelwa.
Imiqondiso yemvume, njengoko ibonwa kumdlalo ohlekisayo, ayidlali ncam. Lo mfazi akazange akhwaze, atyhale kodwa unolwimi lomzimba olubonisa ukunganyaniseki kwakhe kwisondo sasemva komhla. Indoda, nangona kunjalo, ayifundi kakuhle imiqondiso ngokupheleleyo kwaye kungoko wonke umcimbi ubekwe phambili. Amagama kaJustin Meyers anokusetyenziswa kwakhona ukuhlalutya ngokupheleleyo imeko.
“Ufundiswe ukuba le yindlela afanele ukuba yiyo, ukuba sifanele ukuba singabantu abathandanayo. Kodwa, xa ndithetha inyani, andinakutsho ukuba ndifunde gwenxa ixesha elide kunomzuzwana.
Ke, sihlobo sam, endithethe ngaye ekuqaleni, okholelwa ukuba ukuphindaphinda kwam u-'Hayi' ekwenzeni ubuhlobo naye kufana nokuzama ngamandla u-'Ewe' onomdla kakhulu yinto eyenza sonke sizibuze ukuba u-“Hayi” angaze abe nguHAYI.
Ngaba ingcamango yemvume ingafundiswa? Yaye njani?
Zonke iingcamango malunga nemvume zisekelwe kwinto yokuba akukho mntu unokufundiswa ngokwenene ngayo. Xa abantwana bedlala epakini kwaye omnye umntwana uphosa intombazana ukuba imphuze esidleleni. Naxa intombazana izama ukutyhala inkwenkwe, abazali baya, “Aww”.
Lo mfana ukhuthazwa ngabadala kwaye ukhula ecinga loo nto le ndlela yokuziphatha ilungile. Ukucela imvume kuphelelwe lixesha kangangokuba akucingwa njengento ebalulekileyo okanye inxalenye yemfundo ukuba inikwe abantu beselula kakhulu.
Ke aba bantu bakhula becinga ukuba akukho nakuphi na uHayi oqinisekileyo, kucingelwa ukuba banikwe imvume, nokuba bayashwabana, boyike ngenxa yoloyiko okanye abanesibindi sokuthetha.
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Indlela yokuthetha malunga nemvume
Abantu abaninzi bakufumanisa kunzima ukucela imvume kodwa inyaniso kukuba akufuneki kube nzima konke konke. Amathuba kukuba ukuba ucela imvume ngaphambi kokuba uthathe inyathelo, uya kuvela njengendoda ehloniphekileyo kweli hlabathi lamadoda angekho ngokucacileyo.
Elula "Ngaba kulungile ukuba ndikuphuze?" okanye “Ndingabamba isandla sakho?” inokubonakala ngathi ayiyonto inkulu kodwa inokungena umgama omde ukufumana intembeko kunye nokwakha ubudlelwane.
Kungcono ukuqiniseka kunokuba uxole kamva kwaye kusoloko kungcono ukuba ungacingeli into efunwa ngomnye umntu. Awuzazi iingcinga zabo ngoko ke hlala kude kuyo nayiphi na intelekelelo engafanelekanga.
Kwakhona, gcinani engqondweni ukuba imovie kunye nesidlo sakusihlwa akusoloko kufuneka kuphele ngesondo. Ayiyonto ifunwa ngabafazi. Babenokukhangela ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo ngaphambi kokuba bathathe isigqibo sokuhamba yonke indlela ngokusondelana ngokomzimba.
Ngamanye amaxesha, sicinga kuphela into esifuna ukuba yenzeke kodwa loo nto ayikwenzi ukuba yinyaniso. Indlela elungileyo yokuthetha malunga nemvume yiba nengxoxo kunye nomhla wakho malunga nokuba ucinga kangakanani ukuba uzimisele ukuya. Ngale ndlela "indawo engwevu" iyakhathalelwa.
Ngokulula kokuthandana kule millennium, amaphulo afana ne-#MeToo aba yinto yemihla ngemihla. Xa “Ndingakuphuza?” phambi kokuncamisa umntu uba unromantic, iintshukumo ezinje azipheli. Kwaye ekubeni amadoda eyenzeka ukuba ngamadoda, kuxhomekeke kubafazi ukuba bathathe amanyathelo xa kukho imfuneko kwaye bakhale ngokuthi HAYI enkulu ukufundisa ihlabathi isifundo okanye ezimbini malunga nemvume.
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Into yokuba ndimncamise endlini yakhe ayithethi ukuba ndikulungele...
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
Guys, kufuneka ngokwenene niqonde intsingiselo "Imvume". Ukuba intombazana ithi “Hayi”, ithetha ukuthi “Hayi”, awunakuphinda uyibuze ukuba “Ewe”. Nceda ungayenzi loo nto!
Kubudlelwane obuphilileyo, kubalulekile ukuxoxa kunye nokuhlonipha imida yomnye rhoqo. Nokuba sisihlandlo sokuqala okanye sekhulu, ukudibana, ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo okanye umtshato, akukho mntu unyanzelekileyo ukuba avume into ethile, nokuba sele eyenze ngaphambili.
Ke, nceda uyithathele ingqalelo le nto!