Izibonelo Eziyisi-9 Zemingcele Yemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

Yiziphi ezinye zezibonelo zemingcele yemizwa? Ukulindela umusa, ukuxhumana, nenhlonipho kumlingani wakho. Ethi cha acele isikhala. Ukuthola ukuthi ungubani ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho. Ukungamukeli icala ngamaphutha ongawenzanga. Noma ngabe yini oyenzayo ukubeka phambili izidingo zakho ebudlelwaneni, kuhlanganisa izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa.

Kodwa umuntu angayibeka kanjani imingcele yemizwa ebudlelwaneni? Futhi kungani le mingcele ibalulekile? Ake sithole ngosizo lwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esilulekayo uKranti Momin (Masters in Psychology), onguchwepheshe we-CBT onolwazi futhi ogxile emikhakheni ehlukahlukene yokwelulekwa kobudlelwano.

Iyini Imingcele Yemizwelo?

Ngokusho kukaKranti , “Imingcele yemizwa ebudlelwaneni imayelana nokuhlukanisa imizwa yakho neyomlingani wakho. Ezigabeni zokuqala zothando, ngokungazi unikeza umlingani wakho inkululeko ephelele yokulawula zonke izici zokuphila kwakho futhi uhlangabezana nazo zonke izidingo zakhe ngoba nje nithandana.

"Bese kuba nesigaba ebudlelwaneni bakho lapho leyo mikhawulo iqala ukuphonswa. Yilapho okufanele uqaphele ukuthi awukwazi ukuvele ube umlandeli womlingani wakho futhi nenkululeko yakho idinga ukuhlonishwa. Ungatshela umlingani wakho ukuthi aqhubeke nemisebenzi ayithandayo. Akuphoqelekile ukuthi ubambe iqhaza kuyo yonke leyo misebenzi."

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungalinganisa Kanjani Ukuzimela Ebudlelwaneni?

Uma ucabanga ngomlingani wakho futhi uzwa ukukhathazeka, ukucasuka, ukwesaba, noma ukungakhululeki, kungenye yezimpawu zokuthi imingcele yakho ayihlonishwa. Udinga ukuhlala uhlole ukuthi ngabe umlingani wakho uwasebenzisa kabi yini amandla akhe ebudlelwaneni futhi usizakala ngemizwa yakho nganoma iyiphi indlela. Okubaluleke kakhulu, kufanele uzimisele ukumela wena. 

Imingcele yemizwa endaweni yokuqomisana ibaluleke kakhulu ngoba uma kungekho mingcele, ngeke kube nokuthembana. Futhi uma kungekho ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni , kuzoba nentukuthelo nokucasuka. Ngakho-ke, bobabili abalingani kufanele benze imizamo eqondile yokungalahlekelwa ubuwena babo bokuqala futhi bahloniphe inkululeko nendawo yomunye nomunye. Futhi yimiphi leyo mizamo eqondile? Ake sibheke ezinye zezibonelo zemingcele yemizwa.

Izindlela Ezizanyiwe Futhi Ezivivinyiwe Zokusetha Imingcele Yemizwa

Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukungabikho kwemingcele yomsebenzi nokuphila kuholela ekukhathaleni. Kunjalo nangobudlelwano. Ukuntuleka kwemingcele yemizwa kungaholela ekucindezelekeni nasekukhathazekeni. Umbuzo uwukuthi: ungaba kanjani nemingcele yemizwa engcono? Konke kuqala ngokunaka indlela ozizwa ngayo ngemva kokuhlangana/ukukhuluma nomuntu othile. Uma ukuxhumana kwakho naye kukwenza uzizwe ukhathazekile, kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi imingcele yakho yemizwa yephuliwe. Nazi ezinye zezindlela ezivivinywe futhi ezivivinyiwe zokubeka imingcele yemizwa (nokugwema ubudlelwano obuqinile ):

• Iba nengxoxo nomelaphi/obathandayo (ngemingcele emihle yemizwa)
• Zibonakalise futhi ubeke ngokucacile izinto eziza kuqala kuwe kujenali
• Cacisa izidingo zakho eziqondile lapho ubeka imingcele enempilo yemizwa
• Beka imingcele yemizwa ngesizotha kodwa ngokugomela
• Zibambele (ngisho noma abantu besabela kabi)
• Ungeqisi; lalela umuzwa wakho wamathumbu/umzwelo
• Hlonipha imizwa yakho/izinjongo/amagugu omazisi kanye “nesikhathi sakho”
• Ungawi ohambweni lwecala lokuzibeka phambili (uzizwe uziqhenya kunalokho)
• Susa ukuxhumana nabantu abakuxhaphazayo/abakuphatha njengesicabha njalo

Izibonelo Eziyisi-9 Zemingcele Yemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

UKranti uyagcizelela, “Okokuqala, qiniseka ukuthi usebudlelwaneni nomuntu ogcwalisa izinkolelo zakho eziyinhloko nezindinganiso zakho. Ngaphambi kokuba uzibophezele ngokungathi sína kumuntu, bheka ukuthi izindinganiso zakho, imigomo, izinto ozikhethayo, namaphutha akho ziyahambisana yini. Uma zihluka ngokuyisisekelo, maningi amathuba okuthi uzohlukana esikhathini esizayo.”

Kulungile uma yena ethanda uphayinaphu epizza kanti wena awuthandi. Noma uma uyithanda iCoke Float kanti umlingani wakho akayithandi. Kodwa, izinkolelo eziyinhloko kumele zivumelane. Manje, uma lokho sekukhona, singabheka izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa ebudlelwaneni :

1. Ukuzwakalisa okuthandayo nongakuthandi kumlingani wakho

UKranti uphawula, “Uma ungumuntu othanda ukufunda incwadi noma ukuzindla ngesikhathi sakho okhululekile, akudingekile ukuba uziphoqe ukuya emicimbini, ngenxa nje yokuthi umngane wakho ungumuntu oyisidlakela futhi othanda ukuba phakathi kwabantu.”

Imingcele yemizwa emshadweni imayelana nokuxhumana kanye nokuveza imizwa . Futhi uthini uma ubeka imingcele yemizwa? Vele uqhubeke uthi “Ngingaya ephathini kanye ngenyanga kodwa ungangiphoqi ukuba ngihlanganyele nabantu abangaphezu kwalokho. Ngithanda ukufunda esikhundleni salokho.” Ngokuveza izinto ozithandayo nezingathandeki kumlingani wakho, ungaba nemingcele engcono yemizwa futhi ngaleyo ndlela usindise ubudlelwano bakho ezinkingeni eziningi.

Ngokusho kocwaningo , amandla okusho ukuthi cha ayingxenye ebalulekile yokuzilawula. Ngakho-ke, izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa zifaka phakathi ukwenqaba emisebenzini ongafuni ukuyenza noma ongenaso isikhathi sokuyenza. Imingcele yemizwa endaweni yokuthandana imayelana nokuhlonipha okubalulekile kuwe nokubeka izidingo zakho kuqala.

2. Thumela imisebenzi futhi uzikhulule ekubeni necala elingafanele

UKranti uthi, “Qala inqubo yokuzazi. Kuphela uma usuqonda okudingayo lapho ungabeka khona imingcele eqinisekisa inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. Yini oyifunayo empilweni? Iyini imigomo yakho? Iyini isisusa sakho? Yini oyidingayo ngempela? Ungakhuluma ngezidingo zakho kuphela, uma usuzazi izidingo zakho.” Futhi uma usuzazi, khuluma ngezidingo zakho . Ezinye izibonelo zemingcele engokomzwelo zingaba:

• Ukwaba imisebenzi uma uzizwa usebenza ngokweqile
• Ukucela isikhala lapho udinga isikhathi sakho
• Ukugwema ukuzibophezela ngokweqile ezinhlelweni
• Ukukhuluma lapho uzizwa ungakhululekile ngesimo esithile
• Ukulahla icala uma kungewena onephutha

Ungazikhulula kanjani ecaleni elingafanele? Qonda umqondo "wecala elihlongozwayo". Abantu bavame ukuveza amacala abo kuwe ukuze bangathwesi icala ngezenzo zabo. Ngakho, esinye sezibonelo zemingcele engokomzwelo siwukuyeka umkhuba wakho wokuxolisa ngokungadingekile ngamaphutha ongawenzanga nokuwenza. 

3. Zakhele ukuzethemba

Kungani ungakwazi ukubeka imingcele yemizwa emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni? Ngoba wesaba kakhulu ukuthi umuntu omthandayo angakushiya. Futhi kungani wesaba kangaka? Ngoba awunalo udumo futhi awuboni ukubaluleka kuwe. Yingakho uvumelana futhi uvumelana, ngisho noma wazi ukuthi ubuhlobo abusekho futhi ngisho nalapho ubona izimpawu zokuthi kufanele uhambe.

Yini okufanele uyenze esimweni esinjalo? Zakhele ukuzethemba, okungukuthi, ufanelekele emehlweni akho. Zinike isikhashana wenze uhlu lwempumelelo yakho kanye nezimpumelelo zakho. Dala imigomo yesikhathi esifushane futhi uma uyifinyelela, zibambe emhlane. Ekupheleni kosuku, gqamisa izibusiso zakho futhi uqaphele konke okubonga ngakho. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukwakha ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzihlonipha. Futhi uma usuzihloniphile, ngeke ulunge uma abantu bengakuhloniphi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuzithanda – Amathiphu angu-21 Okuzithanda

Izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa imayelana nokulandela umzwelo wakho. Lalela umzimba wakho futhi uzokwazi uma imingcele yakho yeqiwa. Ukwenyuka kwezinga lokushaya kwenhliziyo, ukujuluka, ukucinana kwesifuba sakho, ubuhlungu besisu sakho, noma ukuqunywa kwezibhakela kungase kube izinkomba zokwephulwa kwemingcele. Naka indlela umzimba wakho nengqondo esabela ngayo esimweni esithile futhi uzokwazi ukubona izibonelo zemingcele uma zikhona ebudlelwaneni bakho.

4. Izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa - Izingxoxo nezingxoxo

UKranti uthi, “Khuluma, Khuluma nomngane wakho ngakho konke okukuzwisa ubuhlungu noma okukwenza umuntu ongeyena. Ungesabi ukuveza imizwa yakho uma kunento ongayithandi. Zikhulumele wena ngoba akekho omunye umuntu ozokhuluma naye.” Imingcele engokomzwelo esimisweni sokuqomisana imayelana nokuxoxisana. Esinye sezibonelo zokubeka imingcele kungaba ukutshela umphathi wakho ukuthi, "Cha, angikwazi ukusebenza isikhathi esengeziwe isonto lonke. Kuthiwani ngezinsuku ezimbili ngesonto?"

Kungasetshenziswa okufanayo nasebudlelwaneni bakho bothando. Isibonelo semingcele yemizwa kubudlelwano kungaba ukuthi, "Heyi, angizizwa ngikhululekile ukwabelana ngamaphasiwedi ama-akhawunti ami enkundla yezokuxhumana. Ngicabanga ukuthi lokho kuwukwephula ubumfihlo bami" esikhundleni sokusho into enolaka njengokuthi, "Kungani ufuna ukwazi amagama ami ayimfihlo? Awungithembi?"

5. Izigebengu ezingaxoxiswana

Qiniseka ukuthi nobabili ninquma ngemingcele engeke ixoxisane. Uthini lapho ubeka imingcele yemizwa? Nazi ezinye izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa okungaxoxiswana ngayo:

• "Ngilindele ukuthi ungangishayi nakanye"
• “Ngilindele ukuthi usihloniphe isikhathi sami nabangane”
• “Angifuni silale sihlanya”
• “Umlingani wami akufanele abukele izithombe zobulili ezingcolile zezingane”
• “Ngilindele ukuthi umlingani wami athembeke kimi futhi angangiqhathi”
• “Angikwazi ukubekezelela umlingani wami engiqambela amanga”

Kumelwe ucabange kabusha ngokuba kulolo budlelwano uma le mingcele iphulwa njalo. UKranti uthi, “Ubudlelwano lapho ukuntuleka kwemingcele kuthinta khona inhlalakahle yemizwa yabalingani abathintekayo buwubuhlobo obuyingozi . Noma ngabe umuntu uvuma buthule amaphutha noma ukhuluma kabi nabanye abantu esikhundleni sokwabelana ngemicabango nemizwa yakhe nomlingani wakhe.”

6. Qaphela ukuthi ukhuluma nobani

Uma ugcina ukwabelana ngezinkinga zakho nabanye abantu kunokuxhumana nomlingani wakho ngqo, kungase kudale igebe elikhulu phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Ngoba abangani bakho bazoqinisekisa imicabango yakho. Isinyathelo sakho sokuqala kufanele kube ukukhuluma ngemingcele engenangqondo kumlingani wakho esikhundleni sokuya kwabanye abantu. 

Isici esibalulekile semingcele yemizwa ebudlelwaneni ukwazi ukuthi kufanele udwebe nini futhi kuphi umugqa phakathi kobuthakathaka nokwabelana ngokweqile. Yiba sengozini kodwa ungabelani ngokweqile. Ukuba sengozini kubalulekile futhi kuhle enhlalakahleni yakho yemizwa. Kodwa ukwabelana ngokweqile kumane kuyisipiliyoni esingakhululekile nesinganelisi phakathi kwabantu ababili abathintekayo.

7. Zisukumele

Ezinye zezibonelo zokweqa imingcele zihlanganisa ukuvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlasele isikhathi sakho sokulala noma "isikhathi sami" osidingayo ukuze uzihlole. Kungani ulunge kangaka ngemingcele yakho? Mhlawumbe ngoba wesaba kakhulu ukulahlekelwa umlingani wakho. Mhlawumbe, kunomvuzo wamanga noma inzuzo ehilelekile.

Isibonelo, “Umlingani wami akangiphathi kahle kodwa kabi, muhle embhedeni.” Noma umlingani wakho ucebile/udumile/unamandla futhi ubophele ubuwena eduze nesiqu sakhe kangangokuthi ungenza noma yini ukubugcina, ngisho noma kusho ukumyeka ahambe phezu kwakho. Ngakho, izibonelo zemingcele engokomzwelo zingahlanganisa, “Yebo, umlingani wami muhle embhedeni noma ucebile kodwa lokho akubathetheleli ukungiphatha kabi.

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8. Ukuhloniphana

UKranti uveza ukuthi, “Ebudlelwaneni, izinkolelo/izindinganiso/izifiso/imigomo yabalingani ababili ingahluka, futhi bobabili badinga ukuhlonipha inkululeko yomunye nomunye engokomzwelo nendawo.

Imingcele yemizwa emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside imayelana nenhlonipho . Uma umlingani wakho ekukhumbula futhi ekubonisana nawe ngenkathi enza izinqumo ezincane nezinkulu ezizonithinta nobabili, kuyisibonelo esisodwa semingcele yemizwa. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umlingani wakho uyakwazi kangakanani noma ukuthi umazi kahle kangakanani umlingani wakho, nobabili anikwazi ukwenza izinqumo egameni lomunye nomunye.

Uma kwenzeka kungekho ukuhloniphana, zimisele ukuhamba. Kufanele ukholelwe ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi unamandla okudala impilo oyifunayo futhi akudingekile ukuba ubhekane nanoma yini engaphansi kwalokho (futhi uyiphathe njengento entsha evamile). Yazi ukuthi ukuzehlisa ngaso sonke isikhathi akulungile futhi ukhulume ngakho, uma uqaphela njalo izibonelo zemingcele yemizwa ephulwayo ebudlelwaneni bakho.

9. Funda ukwenqaba ngendlela enesizotha kodwa eqondile

Ungayibeka kanjani imingcele ngesizotha? Okokuqala, vuma isifiso somlingani wakho. Isibonelo, "Hey, ngiyazi ukuthi inja yakho bekungumngane wakho omkhulu ngenkathi ikhula. Ngikuqonda ngokuphelele futhi ngiyakuhlonipha lokho." Khona-ke, khuluma ngokuqondile futhi ukhulume ngalokho okufuna ngempela esikhundleni sokunikeza izeluleko. Ungase uthi, “Kodwa, angifuni inja njengamanje. Angikayilungeli”, esikhundleni sokuthi, “Kungalunga uma singathola inja kamuva?”

Okokugcina, kungenzeka ukuthi awuqapheli ngisho nemingcele engenangqondo ozibekele yona. Esinye sezibonelo zokuwela imingcele kungaba omama bethu abazikhandla ngokweqile (ekhaya nasemsebenzini) ngoba abaqapheli nokuthi bathathwa kalula ngamanye amalungu omndeni. Eqinisweni, umama uvame ukuzibheka njengomfel 'ukholo noma iqhawe, okumele adele izidingo zakhe ukuze agcwalise izidingo zomndeni wakhe.

Uma ungaqiniseki ngokuthi ungayisebenzisa kanjani le mizekelo yemingcele yemizwa empilweni yakho, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha angakunikeza ukwesekwa okudingekayo ukuze aveze izidingo zakho, noma ngabe kungakhululekile. Abeluleki bethu abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology bangakusiza ekubekeni imingcele yemizwa enempilo ebudlelwaneni ukuze ube nenhlalakahle engcono yemizwa. Khumbula njalo ukuthi ungasiza abanye kuphela uma ufunda ukuzisiza. Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi impilo yakho yengqondo iyahlolwa ngaphambi kokuba uzame ukuba yinsika yokusekela abanye abantu.

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