Izimpawu Zokungahambelani Ebudlelwaneni

Uma izimpawu zokungahambelani ebudlelwaneni ziqala ukungena ngaphakathi noma zizembule, kungase kuzwakale sengathi ukuwohloka kwesibopho senu sekuseduze. Kungazelelwe, lezo zinsuku zika-ayisikhilimu azisajabulisi ngoba nibonile ukuthi aninawo umbono womhlaba ofanayo ngamalungelo ezilwane. Noma nina nobabili nisanda kuthuthela ndawonye futhi nifunde ukuthi ninemibono ehluke kakhulu mayelana nendlela yokuphatha indlu.

Lawa maqiniso angadala ukwethuka ngaphakathi kuwe futhi akwenze ubuze ubudlelwano ngokuphelele. "Ngabe ngimthanda ngempela lo muntu?" “Ingabe ngempela sizoba nekusasa ndawonye?” Lena eminye yemibuzo ongase uzibuze yona ngokuphindaphindiwe. Omunye wabafundi bethu ubanjwe obishini lokwethuka okufanayo futhi weza kithi nombuzo obalulekile mayelana nokungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Umeluleki wezengqondo nomqeqeshi wamakhono okuphila oqinisekisiwe Deepak Kashyap (I-Masters in Psychology of Education), esebenza ngokukhethekile ezinhlobonhlobo zezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, okuhlanganisa i-LGBTQ nokwelulekwa okusondelene, inikeza imininingwane yokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo esinjalo.

Ayihambisani Nomyeni, Kufanele Ngenzenjani?

Q. Ngineminyaka engu-31 ubudala, futhi mina nomyeni wami sesineminyaka engu-1.5 sishadile. Yize sijabulile ebusweni bakho, kuningi ukunganeliseki kanye nezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe phakathi kwethu sobabili, ezilokhu zivela njalo emavikini ambalwa. Lokho kuholela ezimpini eziningi ezidonse isikhathi eside ezithatha izinsuku ezintathu kuya kwezine zingakhulumisani ngisho nokukhuluma. Sesikhuphule isihloko sesehlukaniso phakathi kwezimpi zethu cishe njalo, yize kungekho noyedwa wethu owayisa phambili. Asikhulumi ngezimpilo zethu ndawonye – kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuthinta izingane, ezezimali, noma izifiso. Asikaze senze ucansi. Njengabantu ngabanye, siyaphumelela ekuphileni kwethu ngokwehlukana kwethu kodwa emshadweni wethu, hhayi kangako.

Asihambisani nje sodwa. Sisonke singabantu ababili nje endlini eyodwa, sinezinsuku ezimbi kakhulu kunokuhle, futhi angisezwa nhlobo ukuxhumana naye. Ngiyazi ukuthi sisathandana, kodwa angazi ukuthi ngingadlula kanjani kuzo zonke lezi zinkinga. Ngabe asihambisani nje futhi ngabe senze iphutha ngisho nokushada kwasekuqaleni?

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Kusuka kuchwepheshe:

Angisoze ngakhathala ukuphinda ukuthi uthando lubalulekile kodwa alwanele ukugcina ubuhlobo. Ngeke kube yilayisensi yodwa ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni ocabanga ukuthi ayihloselwe wena. Nokho, uthando lusinikeza ugqozi olwanele lokuzama konke okusemandleni ethu kanye nezinjongo zethu, ngaphambi kokuba samukele ngokwazisa, “Singabantu abalungile ngempela.

Ukuxhumana kuba nzima ngempela kubantu abaningi uma kunokungqubuzana okungapheli noma izimpikiswano zobudlelwano. Ukungqubuzana njalo kuvame ukuba umphumela wokungakhulumisani kahle, phakathi kwezinye izinto ezinkulu. Kunzima ukunqamula umjikelezo ononya sisodwa. Imishado eminingi izofika esimeni esibi; kodwa-ke, umuntu udinga ukwazi ukubona “isiqephu” “emzileni”. Uma ubudlelwano bubonakala buba sengozini yokungqubuzana, ukungahloniphi, nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ngokuqondile, kufanele sicabangele futhi singabaze izisekelo zakho konke. Yenza uhlu lwezinto onenkinga nazo, bese ucabanga ngokwethembeka ngendlela ofake isandla ngayo kulezo zingxabano.

Ngiyaphinda futhi, thembeka kodwa futhi ube nje kuwe. Yakha enye incazelo yezinto ezikukhathazayo futhi unqume enye impendulo kokubili ngokwamagama nezenzo lapho ukhuluma ngazo nomyeni wakho. Mkhuthaze ukuba enze okufanayo. Ngiyaqaphela ukuthi lokhu kulula kakhulu ukukusho kunokukwenza. Ngakho-ke ngincoma kakhulu ukwelashwa kwabashadile ukubhekana nezimpawu zokungahambelani ebudlelwaneni benu. Konke okuhle kakhulu.

Izimpawu Zokungahambelani Ebudlelwaneni

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela nokuqonda izimpawu zokuthi awuhambisani nophathina wakho ukuze unyathele endleleni yokululama. Lapho bobabili abalingani beziphatha ngenkani ebudlelwaneni, kungaba khona indawo enkulu yokungaboni ngaso linye. Kungokwemvelo ukuthi abantu ababili bangezwani ezintweni ezifanayo kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi umuntu akufanele abone izimpawu bese ezama ukuzilungisa.

Uma nobabili nilwa kakhulu muva nje, anisakwazi ukuhlala ekamelweni elilodwa ndawonye, ​​noma nihlale ninikezana ukwelashwa buthule, cishe udlula kulesi sigaba esinzima noma lezi kungaba izimpawu zokungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Manje njengoba sinombono wochwepheshe odabeni, i-Bonobology ilapha ukuze ikunikeze eminye imininingwane ngale nkinga ephithizelayo engase ibe yingozi kubhondi yakho. Nazi izimpawu ezinkulu zokungahambelani ebudlelwaneni.

1. Akukho ukusondelana ngokwengqondo

Ingabe akaqondi noma azame ngisho nokulalela wonke ama-feminist rants oqhubeka nawo? Noma ingabe uvame ukukhukhuleka futhi aphume lapho uxoxa ngento ethile yefilosofi owayifunda encwadini ngolunye usuku? Ngokusobala, nina nobabili ninobude obuhlukene futhi anihlanganyeli ngobuhlakani obukhulu. Kulungile ukungabi nentshisekelo kuzo zonke izihloko ezifanayo zengxoxo kodwa umzamo obalulekile.

Umuntu kufanele azame ukwenza umzamo wokuqonda, ukulalela omunye umuntu, futhi alinganise lokho azama ukukusho. Uma behlahle amehlo noma beqala ukuskrola ocingweni lwabo njalo lapho uletha okuthile, nina nobabili ninobudlelwano obungahambelani.

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2. Uzizwa sengathi awukwazi ukuba nguwe eduze kwabo

Usaba ukubatshela ukuthi ufuna ukubahambisa ngokudoba ngoba uyazi ukuthi bazokwenqaba. Noma ukuthi uma ubacela hamba ngosuku oluphindwe kabili nawe nabangane bakho basemsebenzini, uyazi ukuthi bazokhononda ngakho lonke uhambo lokubuyela ekhaya. Noma yini ofuna ukuyenza noma oyiphakamisayo ihlangatshezwane nokuthi “Cha, angithandi.”

Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu zokungahambelani ebudlelwaneni obungeke nje bukwenze uzizwe ubekwe eceleni, kodwa futhi kukwenze uzizwe sengathi awusoze waba nguwena eduze kwabo. Abazitisi ngawe noma izinto ozithandayo futhi lokhu kungase kukucindezele kakhulu.

3. Amahlaya akho awafani

Noma kumnyama, kukhubazekile, noma kucace ngangokunokwenzeka, noma nini lapho uzama ukuhlekisa nophathina wakho, cishe kuzwakala sengathi abakaze bakuthole. Amahlaya akho amaningi aphendulwa ngokuthi “Huh, ini?” ngoba ngaso sonke isikhathi babonakala begeja iphuzu. Amahlaya nokuhleka kuyingxenye ebalulekile yanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obuhle futhi ngaphandle kwabo, izinto zingaqala ukuzizwa zigaya ngokushesha.

Uma bengalokothi bakwenze uhleke noma nihlale nizizwa sengathi nina nobabili anihleki into eyodwa ndawonye, ​​​​kungase kube sengathi a ubudlelwano obuphelile.

4. Ukuntula okuhle, amandla ocansi

Ama-Quickies phakathi nosuku, ukwazi ukuvula nomunye, ukudlala ngamathoyizi ocansi eniwajabulela nobabili, lezi yizinto ezingenza ucansi lube yinto ejabulisayo ngendlela emangalisayo. Kodwa uma amandla akho ocansi kanye ne-vibe ehluke ngokuphelele, akukho lutho olucacile lokukutshela ukuthi nobabili ninobudlelwane obungahambelani.

Uma isifiso sakho socansi nezindlela zokujabulisana zihlukile futhi zingavumelanisiwe, ubudlelwano bungakwehla ngokushesha okukhulu. Bambalwa kakhulu abantu abangaba ku ubudlelwano obungenabulili isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ngakho-ke uma ubulili bubi, yazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho buyahlupheka.

5. Indlela obheka ngayo ukuphila iyehluka

Esinye sezibonakaliso ukuthi awuhambisani nomlingani wakho yilapho indlela obheka ngayo impilo ihluke ngokuphelele. Uma engumuntu ongathembeki njalo futhi unethemba, imibono yakho yomhlaba ngeke ize ibe nethuba lokuhlangana. Bungaqhubeka isikhathi esingakanani ngempela ubuhlobo obunjalo? Ngaphandle uma umuntu oyedwa ezimisele ukubona izinto ngombono womunye, siyangabaza kakhulu ukuthi izinto zizoshintsha noma nini maduze.

Kuyacaca ukuthi nobabili kuzoba nzima kakhulu ukuvumelana ngezinto futhi uma senibona izinto ngendlela ehlukile, niyoze nilulekane kanjani noma nisizane kanjani ezimeni ezinzima?

Lezi zimpawu zokungahambelani azikho lapha ukuze zikutshele ukuthi udinga ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokushesha. Lezi yizinkomba kuphela ezikutshela ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ucabange kabusha, ucabange kabusha futhi mhlawumbe ukhulume nomlingani wakho ngokuthi yini ongayenza ngokuhlukile. Nikeza lobu budlelwano isithombe esiqinile ngaphambi kokudonsa noma yimaphi amapulaki kodwa ungazikhohlisi. Ukuntuleka kokuhambisana ebudlelwaneni kungabhekwana nakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kodwa ukuxubha izinto ngaphansi kukakhaphethi akusizi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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