Izinto Ezingu-9 Okufanele Uziqaphele Lapho Uxabana Nomyeni OnamaNarcissistic

I-Narcissism ingenye yezimpawu zobuntu ezinzima kakhulu ukubhekana nazo kanye nokuphikisana nomyeni we-narcissistic inselele enkulu kumlingani wakhe. Akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi ama-narcissists ahlukumezayo futhi anzima, kodwa ukuguqulwa kobuntu babo futhi kuncike ekutheni baqiniseke ngokwedlulele ngokwabo. Abazicabangela bona, bakholelwa ukuthi abanaphutha neze. Lokhu kubenza bavale noma yikuphi ukuzihlola nokuzigxeka.

Into yokugcina abafuna ukuyizwa komunye umuntu ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi banephutha, noma okubi nakakhulu, badinga usizo. Lokhu kuqeda wonke umkhakha wokuzithuthukisa komuntu oyi-narcissist. Ngenxa yalokho, umlingani wabo uhlale ephushwa ukuze enze izinguquko. Uma uzithola usothandweni nomuntu ongalokothi ahlehle engxabanweni, ongawuboni umbono wakho, ongalokothi ayekethise, cishe ubukade usebenzelana ne-narcissist.

Umeluleki uRidhi Golechha (iMasters in Psychology), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngemishado engenalo uthando, ukuhlukana, nezinye izinkinga zobudlelwano, ukhulume nathi ngalolu daba futhi wasinikeza ukuqonda kwakhe ngokuthi ungamqaphela kanjani umuntu ozithanda ngokweqile, kungani enjengoba enjalo, nokuthi yini okufanele uyikhumbule uma uzithola uxabana nomyeni ozithanda ngokweqile.

Abenza Kanjani AmaNarcissst Engxabano?

Ukuqaphela umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza, noma ukuqaphela ukuthambekela kokuzikhukhumeza kumlingani wakho kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuzivikela. URidhi uthi, “Umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza uhlala esesimweni sokuzikhukhumeza futhi efisa ukufuna ukunakwa nokwaziswa kubantu abamzungezile, ngaphandle kokubonisa uzwela komunye umuntu.” Abantu abahlushwa yi-Narcissistic Personality Disorder bavame ukubonisa izimpawu ezilandelayo:

• Ukuqhosha ngokwedlulele
• Kuzwela ngokweqile ngama-egos abuthakathaka
• Yenza ihaba ngezimpumelelo zabo
• Yenza sengathi uphakeme kunabanye/ Ubukela phansi abanye njengabaphansi
• Yiba nokuntula uzwela kwabanye
• Bonisa ukuziphatha okukhohlisayo

URidhi uyacacisa ukuthi nakuba “kungokwemvelo yomuntu ukuba nobugovu nokuqhosha ngezinga elithile, umuntu ozithanda ngokweqile ngokuqinisekile uyakuthatha lokhu ngezinga elithile”. Ukhuluma ngamasu amaningana okuhlukumeza ukuze kube lula ngawe ukuqonda amaphethini omlingani wakho. Uma uphikisana nomlingani ozithanda ngokweqile, qaphela lezi zimpawu ezibomvu :

• I-Narcissistic Rage: AmaNarcisists avame ukukhombisa ukucasuka ngezindlela ezimbili. Bangase baqhume ngokucasuka, baklabalase, baklabalase, noma babonise ukuziphatha okunobudlova. Noma bangase baphendukele ekuziphatheni okungalungile njengokubhuqa kanye nentukuthelo engapheli noma ukukunikeza ukwelashwa buthule.
• Isaladi yeZwi: Abakushoyo akuwenzi umqondo. Bazokujikijela amagama nemisho engahleliwe. Bazokhuluma beyimibuthano benikeza imisho engahlangani bezama ukunyakazisa amapali
• ukukhanya kwegesi: Bangase baphike ngokuphelele ngokuziphatha kwabo. Bazama ukukukholisa ukuthi awazi ukuthi ukhuluma ngani
• I-Narcissist blame shifting: Bazama ukukukhohlisa ngokuthi bakubuyisele emuva. Bangase bakukhumbuze ngamaphutha akho esikhathi esidlule, angempela noma asunguliwe, ukuze akwenze umuntu omubi engxabanweni
• Ukuhambisa okuthunyelwe kwegoli: Bazosebenzisa noma yimaphi amasu kulawa angenhla noma ezinye izindlela ukuchezukisa ukunaka ekuziphatheni kwabo okungafanele. Lapho ufika ephuzwini obuzama ukulenza futhi ushaye umgomo, iposi legoli lihanjiswa liye kokuthile

Amaqhinga okuhlukumeza amaNarcissists kulula ukuwabona. Ungase futhi ubheke isistimu yakho yempendulo yemizwa ukuze uhlole ukuthi ubani osebenzelana naye uyi-narcissist.

• Ingabe uyanyakazisa nxazonke?
• Uxolisa njalo kubo?
• Ingabe uzizwa usaba?
• Ingabe uhlale ugxekwa?
• Ingabe uyabonisa ukuziphatha okuphansi kokuzethemba?
• Ngabe zonke izimpi ziholela ekutheni ungabaze ukuthi bekuyiphutha lakho na?

Uma uke wazibuza, "Ingabe ama-narcisists athanda izingxabano?", Lokhu bekufanele kukuphendule. Impendulo yakho kule mibuzo iyinkomba yokuthi kufanele ufunde ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomyeni we-narcissist. Ukuze ukwazi ukwenza lokho, udinga ukuqonda ukuthi lokhu kuziphatha kuvela kuphi.

Kungani AmaNarcissists Ethanda Ukuxabana?

Ama-Narcissists anokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu kanye ne-ego ebuthakathaka. Badumala kalula lapho benganikezwa ukubaluleka okulindelekile. Lokhu kusiletha embuzweni obaluleke kakhulu - kodwa ngani? Kungani amanarciss ethanda ukuxabana? Ukuqonda lokhu kungase kukusize ubheke umuntu ngendlela efanele futhi uqonde amaphuzu abuthakathaka e-narcissist kanye namaqhinga okuphikisana. Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi ususe ukulawula kubo futhi ufunde ukuphendula kumyeni we-narcissist:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Uthandana Nomuntu Othanda Ukuzikhukhumeza? Sithemba Ukuthi Ngeke! Thatha Lo Mviwo Uthole Manje!

1. Ukuziphatha kwabo kwe-narcissistic kungaphezu kwamandla abo

Ukuziphatha komuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kungaphezu kwamandla akhe futhi kungalawulwa kuphela ngokungenelela kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinelayisensi. Umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza empikiswaneni ulwa namandla agxilile, egxilisa imizwa yakhe yamanje kuphela. Lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezinkulu ezenza abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza bangakwazi ukugcina ubudlelwano obuseduze . Abanakho lokho okubizwa ngokuthi ukuhlala njalo kwezinto noma ukuhlala njalo kwezinto.

Ukungaguquguquki kwento umqondo wokuthi into ethile ikhona ngisho nalapho ungeke uyibone noma uyizwe. Abantu, ngokukhula kwemvelo, bathola leli khono. Ngokombono ongokwengqondo, lokhu kusho ukuthini kumuntu ophuza utshwala ukuthi, ngokungafani nabanye abantu, abakwazi ukubambelela emizweni yabo emihle ngobuhlobo babo kuyilapho bezwa imizwa engemihle njengokulimala, intukuthelo noma ukudumazeka.

URidhi uthi, “Uma ama-narcisists engakwazi ukuzwa uthando ngaleso sikhathi, bayakhohlwa ukuthi lwalukhona. Okusho ukuthi zonke izimpi noma ukungaboni ngaso linye kwabo kungase kube ukuhlukana.”

2. Isikhathi esidlule sabo singaba yisici esibuthakathaka sika-narcissist

Umuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile angase abe nesikhathi esidlule esamholela ekubeni ahlakulele lokhu kuthambekela. Ukuziphatha kwakhe okunobuthi kungaba umphumela wendawo enobuthi okwakudingeka ayibekezelele esikhathini esidlule, mhlawumbe ngesikhathi sobuntwana bakhe lapho enganikezwanga ukunakwa okwanele. Indlela owakhuliswa ngayo ithinta kakhulu ubudlelwano.

URidhi uthi, “Lapho umuntu eke waba sebudlelwaneni obunobuthi esikhathini esidlule noma ekhulele endaweni enobuthi, angase ahlakulele ukuthambekela kokuzivikela. Uma uzithola usebenzisana nomyeni oyi-narcissist, lolu lwazi lungakusiza ukuthi uphathe izimo eziguquguqukayo kangcono.

3. Bacabanga ukuthi baqinisile ngaso sonke isikhathi

Ku-narcissist, konke ukungezwani kuholela engxabano. Njengoba bengahlehli, bahlale befuna ukuba nezwi lokugcina, futhi bangalokothi bayekethise, yonke ingxoxo iyibhomu elihlabayo elilindele ukuphuma. Bazizwa bephakeme kunabo bonke ababazungezile, yingakho benqaba ukugoba.

Ubudlelwano phakathi kwanoma yibaphi abantu ababili angeke bube khona ngaphandle kokungqubuzana. Futhi uma omunye walabo bantu ababili engakuhlomele kahle ukufika endaweni enokuthula emaphakathi, nakanjani kuzoholela eziqephuni ezilandelanayo zokudumala, ukukhungatheka, ukuhlukumeza, kanye nokuhlukunyezwa komunye umlingani. Kodwa uma uqaphela izinto ezimbalwa lapho uxabana nomyeni onganakile, ungase ukwazi ukuzisindisa ezinhlungwini nobuhlungu obuningi.

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Izinto Ezingu-9 Okufanele Uziqaphele Lapho Uxabana Nomyeni OnamaNarcissistic

Manje njengoba usuyazi ukuthi ubani oyi-narcissist futhi uqonda kancane ukuthi yini ebangela ukuba baziphathe ngendlela abenza ngayo, ungathatha izinyathelo ezifanele ekuphenduleni umlingani wakho onobuthi futhi uzivikele ekulimaleni okungokomzwelo nezibazi zesikhathi eside. U-Ridhi uncoma amathuluzi alandelayo nezindlela zokuvikela imizwa yakho futhi wonge isikhathi sakho namandla lapho ubamba i-narcissist engxabano:

1. Lawula lokho okulindele noma wenze isinqumo

U-Ridhi uthi kufanele uqaphele ukuthi unenketho. Ukhuthaza ukuthi uvume ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi umyeni wakho ngeke ashintshe ukuziphatha kwakhe okunobuthi. Uyanezela: “Uma nithandana ngoba nje ucabanga ukuthi uzoshintsha, kungenzeka ukuthi uzidalela ubuhlungu obukhulu.

Kufanele uthole usizo ekuhloleni ubuthi ebudlelwaneni bakho futhi uma kuwufanele wonke umzamo ozowenza. Ngakho-ke, yenza isinqumo. Uma unquma ukuqhubeka nokuphila nomyeni onganakwa, ukusikisela okulandelayo kungase kube usizo kuwe.

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2. Misa imingcele ecacile

URidhi ugcizelela kakhulu isidingo semingcele yenhlalakahle yakho yengqondo. Uthi, “Umyeni wakho cishe uzofuna ukulawula yonke into ebudlelwaneni. Udinga ukucabanga ngendlela yokubeka imingcele yemizwa ukuze uvikele impilo yakho yengqondo.” Uphinde abelane ngeziphakamiso eziningana eziqondile.

Uyachaza: “Ungase umazise umyeni wakho ukuthi uma eqala ukukubiza ngamagama, ingxoxo izophela futhi uzohamba. Esinye isibonelo somngcele kungaba ukubeka phambili ukuba nesikhathi uwedwa nenethiwekhi yakho yosekelo, abangani, nomndeni. Ngesexwayiso sokuthi umyeni wakho angase angakuthandi lapho uchitha isikhathi nabangane, uRidhi uyanezela, “Ukuzihlukanisa kungaba uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo futhi kubalulekile kuwe ukuba ube nesimiso esiqinile sokusekela ekuphileni kwakho.”

3. Ungamtsheli ukuthi unephutha uma uqophisana nendoda ebhedayo

I-moral gauge ye-narcissist yokuqonda okulungile nokungalungile iyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Njengoba ubuntu buncike emuzweni oyihaba wokuzibona ubalulekile kanye nokulunga, i-narcissist ikholelwa ukuthi balungile ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokungenakugwenywa, kuba yize ukubatshela ukuthi banephutha.

Uma uxabana nomyeni wakho onama-narcissistic, empeleni umtshela ukuthi unephutha. URidhi uthi, “Uma ufuna ukulungisa izinto, ungalindeli ukumnqoba ngokuzama ukubenza babone ukuthi ubani okufanele asolwe.” Kunalokho, yenza okulandelayo ephuzwini elilandelayo.

4. Ukuzwelana kungase kukusize unciphise ingxabano nomuntu okhuluma naye

Njengoba abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza bevame ukuchuma ngokunaka, ukusebenzisa uzwela lapho bephikisana nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kungaba isu eliwusizo. URidhi usikisela ukuthi, “Phendula kumyeni othanda ukuzikhukhumeza ngokumtshela ukuthi uyaqonda futhi uyazwelana nendlela azizwa ngayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, esikhundleni sokusebenzisa Wena noma Mina, sebenzisa Thina. Ukusola umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kuvamile, kodwa bangase basabele kahle uma usebenzisa ulimi “thina”.

Lapho umyeni wakho oyi-narcissist ezwa ukuthi uyaqondakala, unogada wakhe angase ehle isikhashana futhi ungase ube nethuba lokuzwakala. Ukusebenzisa uzwela lapho uphendula i-narcissist ethukuthele kungase kuholele ekubeni ube nolwazi oluhluke ngokuphelele.

5. Ungathathi isiyengo lapho uqophisana ne-narcissist

URidhi uyaxwayisa: “Lapho uxabana nomyeni onenkani, lindela ukuthi akhulume izinto ezicasulayo, ezihlambalazayo nezimbi ngoba zisuke zifuna ukwenza kanjalo. Lokhu kucasula kungase kusebenze noma kungenzi lutho, isibonelo, uma bekunikeza ukuthula, ungazizwa uphoqeleka ukuba uphendule. Uma ungena engxabanweni wazi ukuthi yini ongase ubhekane nayo, uvamise ukungakwazi ukusabela futhi ulawule.

Lokhu, vele, kukusiza ukuthi uvikele imizwa yakho futhi uhlale uzolile kodwa futhi kunikeza umyeni wakho oyi-narcissist umbono wokuthi awucindezelekile. Lokhu kuzomenza angabe esaqhubeka nokumbiza ngamagama ngoba vele kungasebenzi noma kumenze azizwe ezwelana nawe. Noma iyiphi indlela, kuyasiza ukuthulisa imizwa yakhe ephithizelayo futhi ikunikeze isikhathi sokuphuma engxabanweni.

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6. Qaphela amaqhinga e-narcissist's argument

Ingabe ama-narcisists athanda izingxabano? Impela bayakwenza. Ama-Narcissists anekhono ekusebenziseni amasu okuwina izingxabano futhi athole abakufunayo. Lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi bakwenza bengahlosile njengoba bexhunywe ukwenza ukuzivikela ngaphandle kokuzwelana nabanye. Ungamkhathalela ngokujulile umyeni wakho, kodwa kubalulekile ukuzihlukanisa umzuzu nomzuzu futhi umbone njengesihloko.

Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi uqaphele amaqhinga abawasebenzisayo ukuze bakuthinte, angafaka phakathi ukugwaza ngamatshe, ukukhanyiswa ngegesi, ukuphambuka, ukukhohlisa ngokomzwelo, intukuthelo yokuzikhukhumeza, ukubikezela, kanye nokushaya amabhomu othando. Umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza empikiswaneni angasebenzisa noma yikuphi, uma kungezona zonke, kwalokhu ukuze kuzuze yena. Zinike isikhathi sokuzifunda ukuze ukwazi ukuziqaphela. Isibonelo, ulwazi lwemisho evamile yokukhanyiswa ngegesi lungakusiza ukuthi ulawule isimo futhi ususe amandla kumuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza.

7. Lungiselela impendulo ezenzakalelayo kusengaphambili yengxabano

Uma unqume ukuhlala nophathina oyi-narcissist, udinga ukulungele ukusingatha konke abangakuphonsa kuwe. Uma uzilungiselele kangcono, yilapho ubamba amandla engeziwe phezu kwempendulo yakho. Ukusabela okuzenzakalelayo ekuqhumeni kwabo okungabikezelwa kungaba isu elisebenzayo neliwusizo. Ngale ndlela, lapho usebenzisana nomyeni othanda i-narcissistic, ungakwazi ukubeka imizwa yakho futhi uphume buthule engxabano.

Lokhu akusizi nje kuphela ekususeni amandla kumuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kodwa futhi nasekukhipheni okunye kokukhungatheka kwakho ukuze ungagcini intukuthelo emshadweni . Okufana nokuthi: “Ngiyabona ukuthi ucasukile. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngiyaqonda ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Kodwa intukuthelo yakho nayo iyangilimaza. Ngidinga ukuzivikela, ngakho-ke ngizophuma manje. Singaxoxa ngakho ndawonye uma uzolile futhi ukwazi ukuveza imizwa yakho ngendlela eyakhayo.”

8. Ungazingabazi

Ama-Narcisists ayachuma ekuthambekeleni kozwela kwabanye. Umusa wakho, ukubekezelela kwakho, kanye nemvelo yokuthanda ukucasuka yikhona okubenza bancike kuwe ngesidingo sabo sokuthola ukunconywa, ukwazisa, nothando njalo. Lokhu akusho ukuthi akumelwe ubanike ukutuseka nothando lwakho kodwa qaphela ukuba ungasakwazi ukubamba umbono wakho ngemizwa yakho siqu.

Ngenkathi uphikisana nomlingani okhohlisayo, ungakholwa uma ubizwa ngokuthi "uzwela kakhulu" noma "uzwela kakhulu" noma ngisho nobugovu ngokukhathalela izidingo zakho. Qaphela izinto ezimbi ezifanayo ezishiwo ama-narcisists lapho kungqubuzana. Ungazivumeli ukhohliswe noma ufakwe umoya ekungabazeni umuzwa wakho wemvelo.

9. Khetha izimpi zakho

Cabanga ngalokhu: Ingabe kufanelekile ukuphikisana nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza ngaso sonke isikhathi? Ukuhlala nomyeni othanda ukuzikhukhumeza ungase ukhathele ngokomzwelo noma kunjalo. Uma umlingani enqaba ukuhlehla noma ukuvumelana ngesikhathi sokungavumelani, kusobala ukuthi kuzoholela ezingxabanweni eziningi phakathi kwenu nobabili.

Enye indlela yokuzivikela ukukhetha ukuthi yiziphi izimpi ongazinaki nokuthi yiziphi ongazilwa. Ukuqophisana nomyeni onganaki akuyona into embi. Ngakho-ke, funda ukuqaphela ukuthi yiziphi izimpikiswano ezingadingekile noma ezingasho lutho futhi wonge amandla akho nemizwa yakho ngalezo ezibaluleke kakhulu kuwe nasebudlelwaneni bakho. Uma usebenzisana ne-narcissist, sebenzisa le nketho ukuze uzivikele.

Ukufunda ukubhekana nobuhlobo obunjalo akulula. Kodwa lokhu kufanele kukusize uqonde indlela owakwakho oyi-narcissist ucabanga ngayo nokuthi kungani elwa ngendlela enza ngayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi uzivikele olakeni lwe-narcissist ngokuzilungiselela ngolwazi olufanele namathuluzi azokusiza ukuthi uthathe ukulawula kude ne-narcissist.

Khumbula: Iningi lala maphuzu liphathelene nokulungisa izidingo zomuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kungafanele, lesi seluleko senzelwe umuntu onqume ukwenza lezi zinguquko ngezizathu ezaziwa kakhulu nguye. Ukuze akusize wenze isinqumo esinjalo, iseluleko somuntu siqu someluleki asinakuqhathaniswa. URidhi uphakamisa kakhulu ukwelashwa uma ushade nomuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile.

Uthi, “Uma uke waba yisisulu sokuhlukunyezwa ngokuzikhukhumeza, ungase ube nesikhathi esinzima sokuqaphela ukuthi ukuziphatha okubonakala emshadweni wakho akwamukeleki. Noma, ungase uzithole uhambahamba phakathi kokuzibuza ukuthi kuyinkinga noma ngabe wenza into enkulu nje ngento engelutho.” Uma ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobology balapha ukukusiza.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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