Izinto Ezinhle Ezingu-23 Abafana Abafuna Zizenze Izintombi Zabo

Umngane, lapho ezama ukungena emqondweni wesoka lakhe, wavuma kimi kanye, "Ngezinye izikhathi ngizwa sengathi ngichaza ikhodi eyimfihlo. Yini abafana abayithandayo ebudlelwaneni? Isiphi isithako esiyimfihlo esibenza baphawule? Yini nge-aura yabo engaqondakali?" Uma nawe, uke wazibuza ukuthi yini entantayo isikebhe somfana noma ukuthi ungayishaya kanjani ngempela 'inkinobho yokubonga,' awuwedwa. Sonke sibe naleyo mibuzo evuthayo mayelana nokuthi abafana bathandani ngowesifazane: Yini ukhiye wokumenza azizwe ekhethekile? Siyikhipha kanjani ikhodi enhliziyweni yakhe?

Lesi sihloko silapha ukuze sibe umuntu ophiko lwakho, njengoba sichitha ukuthinta okuthandekayo okungu-23 abafana abavame ukukunaka ngasese. Asigcini ngokukhipha uhlu; simba ama-whys nokuthi kanjani ngemuva kwezintandokazi zabo. Thatha lokhu njengencwadi yakho yokuqondisa ukuze uqonde ukuthi yini eyenza umfana wakho azizwe ephephile, ehlonishwa futhi ethandwa. Manje ake sihlole ukuthi yini abafana abacabanga ukuthi iyakhanga, futhi sifunde iqhinga elilodwa noma amabili!

Izinto Eziyi-23 Abafana Abathanda Ukuzenza Izintombi Zabo

Wake wazibuza ukuthi kungani abanye abafana bekuthola kuluqili ukuthulula ubhontshisi ngemizwa yabo noma bacele uthando ngokuqondile? Hhayi-ke, isayikholoji isinika ukulunguza kule mfihlakalo. Uyazi, a cwaningo evela kuyi-American Psychological Association isikisela ukuthi kusukela besebancane, abafana bafundiswa ukuthi “ukubonisa imizwelo kuwuphawu lobuthakathaka.” Kungu-cha-cha omkhulu lapho a umuntu usengozini ngoba kuthiwa, “Yeyi, abafana abakhulu abakhali!” Ngakho-ke, ukuveza imizwa noma ukucela uthando kungase kuzwakale njengokuhamba ngezinyawo, ngenxa yale mibono yesikole esidala mayelana nokuthi abafana kufanele babe namandla futhi baqine.

Kodwa ungesabi. Sihlanganise lolu hlu lwezimpawu zomzimba ezimnandi ezingu-23 ezikhuluma kakhulu kunamagama futhi zivala indlela eya ezinhliziyweni zabo. Ake sixoxe ngokuthi abafana bathandani ngowesifazane:

1. Isoka lakho lithanda izenzo zakho zothando ezingahleliwe

Okokuqala, yini abafana abathanda izintombi zabo ukuba zenze? Bonisa uthando lomzimba! Kulula, mgone futhi umnikeze ukumamatheka okuhle. Wake wamangaza isoka lakho ngokugona okungahleliwe noma i-peck emnandi? Abafana bayayithanda ngokuphelele. Enjalo izimpawu ezincane zothando umsebenzi wothando lomzimba njengomlingo. Ngakho-ke, qhubeka unyonyobe kulokho kugone okumangazayo noma untshontshe ukuqabula okusheshayo lapho engakakulindele. 

Lezi zikhathi ezincane zenza ukuthi azizwe ekhululekile, ethandwa futhi ethandwa. I-Reddit umsebenzisi uphendula umbuzo ofanayo ngemininingwane ethinta inhliziyo, “Noma nini lapho sihlangana, ngemva kwemizuzu embalwa yokuqala yokuba endaweni yokuhlala noma ukuhamba ngezinyawo/ukushayela ukuya nomaphi lapho siya khona, uzothatha imizuzwana eyishumi ukuthi angibuke nje abese emamatheka. Kungenza ngizizwe sengathi uyajabula ukungibona.”

2. Ukubona kuthandeka uma umbonga

Yini amadoda ayibheka entombini? Ake sipende isithombe. Ake sithi uzipholele nesoka lakho, futhi uyabona ukuthi lenze okuthile okucabangile - mhlawumbe wenze isidlo sakusihlwa noma usize ngaphandle kokucelwa. Uke waphawula ukuthi ukusho okuqotho ukuthi “ngiyabonga” noma ukwazisa imizamo yakhe kumkhanyisela kanjani? Lokho kungamandla okwazisa. 

Uma unikeza udumo lapho kufanele khona, kwenza izimanga. Ukuzizwa waziswa kudala isibopho esijulile ebudlelwaneni obuphumelelayo, okwenza bobabili ozakwethu bajabule futhi baneliseke nakakhulu. Zinike isikhathi sokumazisa ukuthi uwazisa kangakanani amagalelo akhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi makhulu noma mancane. Yilezi zenzo ezincane zokuqashelwa ezifafaza umlingo kubo bonke ubuhlobo bakho.

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3. Uma uhlela uhambo olulandelayo

Umfundi we-Bonobology wase-Connecticut usanda kusibuza, "Ingabe abafana banendaba nokubukeka noma ubuntu? Yini abafana abayithandayo ebudlelwaneni obungaphezu kwalezi zici?" Awu, isinyathelo! 

Uke waqaphela ukuthi amehlo esoka lakho acwebezela kanjani uma uhola ukuhlela uhambo imibhangqwana exotic noma uphakamise ubusuku obupholile ndawonye? Ngenye yezinto abafana ngasese njengentombazane. Kukhona okuthile ngesinyathelo sakho esikhuluma kakhulu kuye. Abafana bathanda amantombazane aphethe ngoba kubonisa isithakazelo sangempela sokuchitha isikhathi nokudala izinkumbulo ndawonye. 

4. Uma ummangaza ngemibhalo emnandi engahleliwe

Leyo miyalezo engalindelekile izomenza azizwe ejabule usuku lonke! Ukuthola imibhalo emnandi engahleliwe evela kubalingani babo kungenye yezinto ezinhle abafana abazithola zingenakuvinjwa. Nasi isizathu:

• Ikhanga isifiso sabo sokuqinisekiswa nokuxhumana ngokomzwelo
• Lezi zimangaliso zibakhumbuza ukuthi basengqondweni yabalingani babo
• Ifeza isidingo esingokwengqondo sokuqinisekiswa nokusondelana ngokomzwelo
• Kubenza bazizwe bekhathalelwa futhi bethandwa ngokujulile

Ufuna ukuthi acabange ngawe kusukela evuka aze avale amehlo ebusuku? Zama ukuthumela umlayezo omnandi njengombhalo wokuqala wosuku. Lezi zinto ezincane zingakhanyisa usuku lwakhe ngaphandle kokukhuluma.

5. Uma ungowokuqala ukuthokozela ukuwina kwakhe, okukhulu noma okuncane

Isici esikhangayo kuye yilapho umjabulisa. Uma ugubha izimpumelelo zakhe zansuku zonke noma ezichaza umsebenzi wakhe, kufana nokufafaza imbewu kuye gcina ubudlelwano buqinile futhi bunempilo. Yilokho amadoda akufunayo kowesifazane, futhi nakhu kubalulekile:

• Abafana abaningi bakuthola kukhanga ngasese lapho abalingani babo beqaphela ukuwina kwabo 'ngaphambi' kwanoma ubani omunye
• Ukujabulela ingqopha-mlando yakhe kuqinisa ubuhlobo benu, kumbonise ukuthi ulapho ukuze ugubhe ukunqoba kwakhe ngokumbambatha okukhulu emhlane
• Kumenza azizwe ebonwa ngempela, aziswa futhi aziswa
• Kalula nje, amadoda afuna ukuqashelwa ngemizamo yawo

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6. Yini abafana abayithola ikhanga? Lapho uqhulula amahlaya ngaphakathi 

Uma kukhulunywa ngamahlaya, yini abafana abayithanda kakhulu? Kulapho ukhumbula ihlaya langaphakathi elikwenza nihleke nobabili nisale nithunga. Lawo amahlaya angaphakathi awagcini nje ngokuhlekisa; afana namakhodi ayimfihlo adalela nina nobabili umhlaba. Kuyamangaza ukuthi lezi zikhathi zokuhleka zakha kanjani ukuxhumana okukhethekile futhi zenze yonke into ibe mnandi kakhulu. 

Kubafana, kumayelana nobungane nokusondelana ngokomzwelo. Kufana nokuba nolimi eniluqondayo nobabili kuphela. Ukwabelana ngamahlaya nesoka lakho kuqinisa isibopho ngendlela okungeyakho ngokukhethekile.

7. Uma ulalela ngokunganaki, uwela kuwe nakakhulu

Yinto nje eyenza indoda ithande owesifazane. Abafana badla amantombazane abawathatha ngokunaka kwawo ngokugcwele. Uthandani umfana ngalokhu futhi kungani kubalulekile ukuba isilaleli esihle? Asibone:

• Ifeza isidingo sabo esingokwengqondo sokubaluleka nokuqinisekiswa
• Ibonisa ukuthi uyayazisa imicabango nemizwa yabo
• Kukhulisa umuzwa wenhlonipho nokuqonda ebudlelwaneni
• Konke lokhu kunomthelela enhlalakahleni yabo engokomzwelo, ngaleyo ndlela kujulise isibopho phakathi kwenu nobabili

8. Uma usekela ngentshiseko izifiso zesoka lakho nezinto azithandayo

Yini amadoda ayibheka entombini? Uma kunento eyodwa abafana abayithandayo, ukwabelana ngezinto abazithandayo nabalingani babo. Uma ubonisa isithakazelo sangempela ezintweni zomuntu wakho azithandayo, kuyayikhanga ingqondo yakhe. Ngokuvamile, kuhambisana nesidingo sakhe sokwamukelwa nokusekelwa. Ngokuzibandakanya nezinkanuko zakhe, ukhombisa ukuthi uyabazisa ubuntu bakhe, umenze azizwe eqinisekisiwe futhi eqondwa. 

Lokho kungikhumbuza indlela umfowethu nomkakhe abahlangana ngayo eminyakeni edlule. Bekusembukisweni webhola likanobhutshuzwayo endaweni yokucima ukoma. Bobabili babejabulela iqembu elilodwa futhi ngokushesha bezwa izinhlansi zindiza phakathi kwabo. Umfowethu wavuma kimi ngaphambi komshado wabo ukuthi uthando olufanayo lwezemidlalo yindlela ayazi ngayo ukuthi uzomshada ngalolo suku uqobo.

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9. Lapho usuthanda ukudlala futhi ulula phambi kwakhe

Uke waqaphela ukuthi uma nidlala imidlalo ndawonye, ​​nivele nidedele ningabi nandaba? - Yilokho okwenziwa yizikhathi zokukhanya kwenhliziyo. Isoka lakho lazisa ngokuyimfihlo lezi zikhathi zokungabi nandaba nawe. Kufana neholide elincane elivela ezingcindezini zokuphila. Kuphakathi kwalezo zinto ezinhle abafana ngasese njengasentombazaneni. Ukudlala ndawonye kuthinta isifiso sabo sokuxhumana okukhululekile nokuzijabulisa lapho bengakhululeka khona futhi babe sengozini lapho benawe. Lapho ukudlala kulahlekile, abafana bavame ukuyihumusha ngokuthi ukuntuleka kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo.

10. Umlingani wakho uyakujabulela ngasese lapho ukhuthaza ukuzinakekela kwakhe

Yini abafana abathanda ukuyenza, kodwa bayangabaza ukuyenza ingxenye evamile yokuphila kwabo? Ukuzinakekela. Ungathanda ukwazi impendulo yokuthi "Yiliphi iphunga abafana abalithandayo entombazaneni?" Kuvumelekile, kodwa kuthathe isinyathelo esisodwa phambili. Ucabanga ngamakha amadoda athanda ukuzitika ngawo uma eyedwa? Noma lapho bezindla? Hlobo luni lwencwadi abathanda ukuyifunda lapho kungekho muntu obahlulelayo? Noma yiluphi uhlobo lukasawoti okugeza abanye babo basebenzisa? 

Uma ukhuthaza inkambiso yokuzinakekela yomfana wakho noma umgudluza ukuthi athathe ikhefu, kubonisa ukukhathazeka kwakho ngenhlalakahle yakhe. Ngesinye isikhathi, umngane wami wasikisela usuku lwe-spa ekhaya nesoka lakhe njengombono wosuku lokugcina. Wayemanqika ekuqaleni kodwa ekupheleni kobusuku wazizwa ekhululeke kakhulu futhi emusha ukuba akuvumele kube yinto yesikhathi esisodwa. Manje unendlela yakhe yokunakekela isikhumba futhi uthatha iseluleko kumngane wami ngaso sonke isikhathi sokunakekelwa kwesikhumba nezinye izincomo zokunakekelwa komuntu siqu. Ngemva kwalokho, baqala ukuguquguquka okusha ukuze bahlangane.

11. Uma wabelana ngobuthakathaka kanye nemizwa

Yini amadoda ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni obusiza ukuthi bavuleleke? — Kulapho uveza amakhadi akho. Kulula kanjalo. Zibandakanye ngokwethembeka futhi ukuxhumana okuvulekile lapho wabelana khona ngobungozi bakho. Kubafana, lokhu kusondelana ngokomzwelo kwakha ukwethembana, ukuqonda, nokuxhumana okujulile. Uma uvula, kwakha indawo ephephile indoda yakho angathanda ukucwiliswa kuyo.

Ukuze uthole ukuvikeleka ngokomzwelo okwengeziwe nokusekelwa ebudlelwaneni, lezi zingxoxo kufanele zibandakanye:

• Ukulalela nobabili
• Uzwela
• Ukuzimisela ukuzizwa ukhululekile futhi usengozini

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12. Uma unesibopho esiqinile nesiyingi sakhe sangaphakathi

Umngane wami uSol uyindoda exhumene ngokujulile neqembu lakhe elisondelene labangane nomndeni. Intombi yakhe, uVera, ayigcini nje ngokuzikhandla neqembu lakhe elingaphakathi kodwa uhlanganyela ngentshiseko ezingxoxweni zabo nasemisebenzini abahlanganyela ngayo. Ngolunye usuku, njengoba bonke bebuthene ukuze kube nomhlangano nje ongajwayelekile, uSol wabona uVera engena emthumeni, ehleka, futhi exhumana nomuntu ngamunye. 

Kwaba sengathi wayehlale eyingxenye yeqembu lezigelekeqe. Ebona lokhu, uSol wezwa imfudumalo enhliziyweni yakhe, eqaphela ukuthi ubuhlobo bentombi yakhe nabangaphakathi abugcini nje ngokuthuthukisa injabulo yabo bebonke kodwa futhi bufanekisela isimiso esinobunye sokusekela. Yilokhu kanye okufunwa amadoda kumuntu wesifazane.

13. Bathandani abafana? Bayakuthanda uma unikeza usizo

Abafana bakuthola kukhanga ngasese lapho abalingani babo beqaphela isidingo sabo sosizo. Uma unikeza usizo, lufeza isidingo sabo sokubambisana nokusekelwa, ukubenza uzizwe uthandwa futhi waziswa ebudlelwaneni. Ukulungela kwakho ukusiza kubonisa lukhulu ngokuzibophezela kwakho kuye. Nazi ezinye izinto abafana abazithandayo ngawe:

• Ukuboleka isandla ngemisebenzi yansuku zonke
• Ukuba yibhodi yomsindo
• Uzibandakanya ngokugcwele ekuxazululeni izinkinga

14. Uma ukhumbula izinsuku ezibalulekile 

Kumelwe ukuba ugubhe iminyaka engu-iminyaka noma izinsuku zokuzalwa nesoka lakho, akunjalo? Kodwa bewazi ukuthi kumenza acasuke ngaphakathi? Ukuqaphela lezi zenzakalo eziyingqopha-mlando kugcwalisa isidingo sakhe sokuqashelwa nothando, kumenza azizwe eyigugu futhi ethandwa. 

Amadoda amaningi ayakuthanda lapho abalingani babo bekhumbula izikhathi ezincane. Noma ngabe ihlela okumangazayo noma imane ivume ukubaluleka kwalezi zinsuku, iqinisekisa kabusha ukubaluleka kobudlelwane benu kanye nezikhathi enizithandayo ezabiwe phakathi kwenu nobabili. Lokho kusiletha ephuzwini elilandelayo.

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15. Uma ukhumbula izikhathi okwabelwana ngazo

Okuqaphela abafana ngawe yilapho ukhumbula futhi ujabulela zonke izikhathi ezimnandi oye waba nazo. Isikhumbuzo somusa esivela kowesifazane onakekelayo njengawe sinokubaluleka okukhulu ezinhliziyweni zabo. Kungenye yezinto ezincane ezibhekelela isidingo sabo se-nostalgia eyabiwe kanye nokwazisa ibhange lenkumbulo lobudlelwano. Ukukhumbula lezi zikhathi kuqinisa ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo, egcizelela ukubaluleka enikubeka ohambweni eniluthathe ndawonye.

16. Uma umamukela njengoba eyikho, kuncibilikisa inhliziyo yakhe 

Ukugubha ubuntu bomlingani wakho kanye nezimfanelo eziyingqayizivele yinto ebaluleke kakhulu. Kungenye yezinto eziningi ezenza indoda ithande owesifazane. Ukwamukela ukuhluka kwakhe kumsondeza kuwena njengoba kugqamisa ubuhle bokuhluka kwakho, kukhuthaze indawo lapho ezizwa ekwazisa ngempela futhi emukelwa ukuba nguye.

17. Yini abafana abayithola ikhanga? Lapho ukhuluma ingqondo yakho

Enye yezinto amadoda ayizondayo yilapho kulindeleke ukuthi ahlangabezane nezidingo ezingashiwongo. Amadoda (noma abesifazane) abahambisani ngaleyo ndlela. Kufanele ukuthi uke wezwa kaningi umusho othi “Angiyena umfundi wengqondo”, akunjalo? Nakuba ubuncane obungenalutho akufanele bucelwe, uma ulindele okuthile, xhumana nomfana wakho. Impilo yakho izoba lula kakhulu. 

Futhi uma uthola indlela yokubeka phambili imicabango yakho ngendlela engezwakali njengecala, kungaba yithuba elikhulu kuye. Ukucaca kwe okulindelwe ebudlelwaneni enye yezinto abafana abazithola zingenakuvinjwa mayelana nezintombi zabo. 

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18. Lapho ugqugquzela ukukhula kwakhe siqu

Yini amadoda ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni? Uzakwethu obanikeza amandla ngokweseka ukukhula kwabo. Kufeza isidingo sabo sokukhuthazwa nokusekelwa ngokomzwelo. Ukukhuthaza ukukhula komuntu kazakwenu kukhombisa ukuthi utshalwe empumelelweni nasenjabulweni yakhe. Izenzo namazwi okusekelana kuyohlale kuqinisa ubudlelwano, kwakha isimo lapho nobabili ningachuma khona ngabanye futhi nindawonye. Kwenza ubudlelwano benu bube yindawo ejabulisayo kinina nobabili.

19. Uthandeka nakakhulu emehlweni akhe lapho uzwakalisa ukumethemba okungenakunyakaziswa

Kungenye yezimfanelo amadoda azibhekayo. Ukukhombisa ukumethemba umlingani wakho kuyisisekelo se-a ubuhlobo obunempilo. Kufeza isidingo sabo senhlonipho. Ukubonisa ukholo ekwahluleleni nasekukhetheni komuntu wakho kumenza azizwe ejabule ngendawo akuyo kubambiswano. 

I-Reddit umsebenzisi wabelana ngalokho akuthandayo ngentombi yakhe, “Ibheka mina kuqala lapho ifuna ukwesekwa/isiqinisekiso/iseluleko.” Lokhu akusho ukuthi akasebenzisi ukwahlulela kwakhe, kusho ukuthi uyingxenye yokuthatha izinqumo.

20. Lapho uhlonipha isidingo sakhe sendawo yomuntu siqu

Okuqaphela abafana ngawe ukuthi usihlonipha kangakanani isidingo sabo sesikhathi sakho nendawo. Amadoda akuthola kungenye yezinto ezikhangayo kakhulu ngowesifazane.

• Ihambisana nesifiso sabo sokuzimela kanye nenkululeko
• Ukunikeza indawo yomuntu siqu kuveza inhlonipho yakho ngemingcele yakhe, kumenza azizwe eyigugu futhi eqondwa
• Lesi sikhala singahluka kusukela ekuvumeleni izikhathi zokuba wedwa kuye ekuphishekeleni izithakazelo zomuntu ngamunye, ukudala ibhalansi enempilo phakathi kobunye nokuzimela phakathi kobudlelwano.

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21. Uma uhlanganyela naye izikhathi zansuku zonke

Ukuthola injabulo emisebenzini yansuku zonke kanye nezikhathi ezivamile nawe kuzizwa kumnandi futhi kukhetheke ngendlela emangalisayo kuye. Inikeza isidingo sakhe sokusondelana okuhlanganyelwe kanye nenduduzo. Ukwabelana naye ngalezi zikhathi kudala isibopho esijulile, okugqamisa ubuhle ngobulula. Iqinisa ukubaluleka kokuhlangana ngezikhathi ezijwayelekile, ukusiza ukwakha a ubudlelwano obuvikelekile. Ngokweqiniso, kungenye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu eningazenza ndawonye.

22. Uyayifudumeza inhliziyo yakhe uma ummangaza ngezipho ezincane

Uthandani umfana? Ukuthola ithokheni encane yokubonga. Ngakho-ke, yenza lokho uma ungenayo isikhathi eside. Ake sibone ukuthi kungani lezi zimanga ezivela kuwe zingaphezu nje kwezipho zakhe:

• Ziyizimpawu zothando nokwazisa
• Ukummangaza ngezipho ezincane kumenza azizwe ebonwa futhi ethandwa
• Lezi zenzo akudingeki zibe zinkulu; badinga nje ukukhombisa ukuthi uyabakhathalela. Isenzo esincane esivela kuwe singenza amehlo akhe akhanye

23. Lapho ukhuthaza futhi wamukela ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile

Uma uzama ngenkuthalo ukuhlose ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokwethembeka, kuholela ebuhlotsheni obuqinile ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Yonke indoda idinga ukwethenjwa nokungafihli esibophweni sayo sothando ukuze nobabili niveze imizwa yenu ngokukhululeka. Ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu kumbhangqwana, kuvumela ukuqonda nokukhula, ukubeka isisekelo sokuxhumana okujulile futhi ukuhloniphana phakathi kobudlelwano.

Ngakho, kukhona lapho, bakwethu. Uhlu oluqinile lwezimfanelo amadoda azifunayo kanye nokuthinta okuthandekayo okungenza inhliziyo yomfana yeqe isigqi. Manje ungayeka ukuzibuza, "Ingabe abafana banendaba nokubukeka noma ubuntu?" Amadoda ayinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunalokho. Futhi ngokusobala, ukwembula lokho abafana abacabanga ukuthi kuyakhanga kwembule imibono ehlukahlukene mayelana nokunakekelwa kanye nokuthandeka. Kodwa ake sibhekane nakho, ukwenza ama-decoding guys akuyona into elingana-zonke. Njengoba nje sinezinselele zethu ezihlukile, abafana banezinto abazithandayo nabangazithandi.

Khumbula, ukuze uqonde ukuthi amadoda afunani kowesifazane, ukuzwelana nokuxhumana kuyizinkanyezi zangempela zombukiso. Ukuqonda ivayibhu yozakwenu kanye nezigigaba, ukulalela imizwa yakhe, nokuba nalezo zingxoxo zenhliziyo nenhliziyo — Manje, lelo ithikithi eliyigugu lanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo.

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Ingabe Isoka Lakho Elinomona Linamandla Futhi Lilawula?

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.