Uyazi kahle lowo muzwa. Kunento embi kabi emshadweni wakho, futhi awukwazi ukunyakazisa umcabango othi, “Umyeni wami akasangithandi.” Nokho, nobabili niye naqhubeka nihlala emshadweni kuze kube manje. Akakakhulumi ngesihloko sokuhlukana noma isehlukaniso okwamanje. Kodwa into eyodwa eqinisekile: uyabanda futhi akanandaba nawe.
Lokhu kungase kukushiye ugcwele ukudideka. “Ingabe lezi zimpawu umyeni wami akasangithandi noma sengicabanga ngokweqile ngalokhu?” “Uma umyeni wami engasangithandi kungani esahlala nami?” Ukwamukela nokuvumelana neqiniso lokuthi indoda eyathembisa ukukuthanda nokukwazisa, ekuguleni nasempilweni, okuhle noma okubi kakhulu, sekudlule kuwe kungaba nzima. Kungenza wonke lawo maphupho omshado omuhle nojabulisayo ashabalale.
Ukuthi uze ucele ukuthi wamukele umyeni wakho akakuthandi uzizwa enonya. Kodwa ukuhlala uphika, ukulinda ukuthi esinye isicathulo sehle kuzokwandisa usizi nokuphelelwa ithemba kwakho. Uma okuthile emathunjini akho kukutshela kanjalo, naka izimpawu ezinkulu umyeni wakho akakuthandi. Ikholi yokuvuka ongeke usakwazi ukuchofoza inkinobho yokusnuza ukuyivula.
17 Izimpawu Ezibuhlungu Umyeni Wakho Akasakuthandi
Okuqukethwe
UCarla wayekhungathekile ngesimo somshado wakhe. Umyeni wakhe wayeya ngokuya enganakwa futhi ehoxa ngosuku. “Umyeni wami ukude futhi akanalo uthando, umyeni wami akasangithandi ngokocansi noma emoyeni kusho ukuthi akasangithandi futhi umshado usemadwaleni?” waphendukela kumngane wakhe omkhulu, uSimone, ukuze athole iseluleko.
Njengendlela yokumqinisekisa, uSimone wathi, “Lapho umyeni wakho ebonakala ekude futhi ehoxile, kungase kube nezizathu eziningi ezibangela ukuziphatha kwakhe okushintshile. Mhlawumbe, ubhekene nokuthile emsebenzini noma ucindezelekile angafuni ukwabelana nawe nawe. Uma kuyisigaba, kuzodlula. Kudingeka uqiniseke ngezimpawu ukuthi uthando lwakhe alulona olwangempela ngaphambi kokuba uvumele le micabango ikubambe engqondweni yakho.”
Bekungesona isigaba. Akuzange kuqhume phezulu. Kunalokho, uCarla waba nesizungu ngokwengeziwe emshadweni wakhe. Uma indaba kaCarla ihambisana neyakho, kufanele unake lezi zimpawu eziyi-17 umyeni wakho akakuthandi:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Ukuthi Washada Nomuntu Ongalungile
1. Umyeni wakho ubonakala ekude futhi udinga indawo enkulu kakhulu
U-Andrea noRon babenqume ukushada lapho ekhulelwa ngemva kwalokho okwakuhloswe ukuba kube Isitendi sobusuku obubodwa. Eminyakeni embalwa phansi komugqa, imifantu yaqala ukuvela. URon wayehamba ngezimpelasonto, avale ucingo lwakhe futhi angatholakali nhlobo izinsuku zilandelana.
Lapho u-Andrea ezwakalisa ukucasuka kwakhe ngalo mkhuba wakhe, wayephendula ngokuthi, “Ngidinga indawo yami. “Isidingo sakhe esingapheli sesikhala nesikhathi sokuba yedwa kwaba inkomba yami yokuqala yokuthi umyeni wami akangithandi,” etshela umngane wakhe ngemva kokuphothulwa kwesehlukaniso sakhe.
Nakuba indawo yomuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni inempilo futhi idala isikhala sokukhula, okuningi kungalimaza isibopho sombhangqwana. Ezinye izinkomba ezitshela ukuthi isidingo somyeni wakho sesikhala akukhona nje ngemingcele yakhe yilezi:
- Uhlala nabanye abantu ngaphezu kwakho nomndeni
- Uma umyeni wakho ekhetha abangani esikhundleni sakho ngaso sonke isikhathi, kuwuphawu lokuthi ukugwema ukuchitha isikhathi nawe
- Angamane ahlale ehhovisi noma efika ekhaya
- Ukufuna kwakhe isikhala kukwenza uzizwe sengathi akasazisi isikhathi esikahle nawe
2. Ukhuluma sengathi alisekho ithemba ngomshado wakho
Lapho umyeni wakho engasakuthandi, angase asebenzise izinkinga zomshado njengobufakazi bokuthi ubuhlobo benu buyophela. Yonke imishado idlula ebuhleni nasebuhleni bayo. Kodwa izithandani ezisathandana zenza umzamo wokugwedla amaqhubu endleleni ngaphandle kokuwavumela ukuba awahlukanise. Nokho, a umyeni oye wahlola ngokomzwelo emshadweni akaliboni ithemba lokuwusindisa.
Ukhuluma ngobudlelwano benu sengathi sebubhuntshile noma sebuphelile. Isibonelo, uma uxoxa naye ngezinto ezikukhathazayo, angase aphendule ngokuthile, “Yilokhu okuyikho, akukho okumele kwenziwe lapha, udinga ukukuncela futhi ubhekane nakho.” Lokhu kungase kukushiye unomuzwa wokuthi, “Angikwazi ukukhuluma nomyeni wami ngemizwa yami nezinto ezingikhathazayo.
Lokhu ngokungangabazeki kuphakathi kwezimpawu zomyeni ongenaluthando, ongenandaba. Umbuzo okumele ugxile kuwo manje uthi: Yini okumele uyenze uma umyeni wakho engakuqapheli futhi engakuthandi?
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-14 Umyeni Wakho Uhlela Ukukushiya
3. Ushadelwe kakhulu esikrinini kunawe
“Umyeni wami akanginakile.” Lokhu kuqaphela kungadabukisa futhi kudabukise kakhulu. Kodwa lapho umyeni wakho enaka kakhulu amagajethi akhe kunawe, kuba nzima ukususa lo muzwa. Sekuyisikhathi sokwamukela ukuthi umyeni wakho akasakuthandi ngendlela efanayo.
Uma umyeni wakho echitha SONKE isikhathi sakhe sokungcebeleka ubuso bakhe bugqitshwe ocingweni, kuthebhulethi, ikhonsoli yemidlalo, noma ithelevishini, uma engathanda kakhulu ukubukela i-TV kunokuchitha isikhathi nawe, kuwuphawu olunzima lokuthi usephelelwe uthando futhi akasakukhathaleli wena nomshado wakho. Ukukhula kokuzibandakanya nomhlaba obonakalayo mhlawumbe kuyindlela yakhe yokungadingi ukubhekana noma ukuvuma le mizwa engagculisi. Qaphela, le mizwa ibambe engqondweni yakhe futhi I-technoference ilimaza ubudlelwano bakho.
Kodwa-ke, uma lokhu kuwukuphela kwesibonakaliso esikwenza uhambe, "Umyeni wami akasangithandi, kufanele ngenzeni?", Bheka ukuziphatha kwakhe ngokuphelele. Ngokungena kwenkundla yezokuxhumana, amagajethi, nokuxhumana okusheshayo, ngisho nabantu abanezisusa ezinhle bazithola bebanjwe kuwebhu yabo. Kungenzeka okufanayo nakumyeni wakho.
4. Uma umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda, uthola iphutha kukho konke okwenzayo
“Ingabe uthando oluvela kumyeni alukho uphawu lwenkinga noma ngenza izintaba ngamagquma?” “Kuthiwani uma kuyisigaba esinzima?” “Kungenzeka yini ukuthi umyeni wami akanandaba nami?” “Nginomuzwa wokuthi umyeni wami akasangithandi kodwa ngeke angishiye. Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bethu bungasindiswa ngempela?” Uma lokhu kungabaza kukufiphaza ingqondo, naka indlela asabela ngayo kuwe.
Esinye sezibonakaliso ezingu-17 ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi ukuthi uthola amaphutha kukho konke okwenzayo. Indlela ogqoka ngayo. Indlela obukeka ngayo, indlela ophatha ngayo umzali wakho, ukuma komzimba wakho noma “ukungakwazi” kwakho ukunciphisa umzimba, umsebenzi wakho, ukudla okubeka etafuleni. Wonke umoya owudonsayo ubonakala sengathi uyamcasula futhi uyamcasula. Zonke izinto ezinhle ozama ukumenzela zona zibuyela emuva.
Ngisho noma engakugxeki ngokusobala ngazo zonke lezi zinto, ungakubona ukucasuka kwakhe ngokubukeka kwakhe, isimo sobuso, nokububula okucasulwe. Lesi yisibonakaliso esicacile ukuthi umyeni wakho ukhohlakele kuwe ngoba uphelelwa uthando, noma mhlawumbe, kakade.
5. Uyazi ukuthi unomyeni ongenandaba uma eyeka ukufaka isandla emshadweni
USophie, owashada nesinqandamathe sakhe esikoleni samabanga aphakeme, uthi, “Ngaqala ukuba nalo muzwa ocwilayo wokuthi umyeni wami akasagxilile ngokomzwelo kimi noma emshadweni wethu lapho ebalekela umthwalo wemfanelo. ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana emshadweni, isimo sakhe sengqondo sasingeyona "isekisi lami, hhayi inkawu yami".
“Njengoba kade ngimazi lokho kwaqeda imizwa yakhe eshintshashintsha, ngavele ngangazi ukuthi umyeni wami akasangithandi ngesikhathi eyeka ukufaka isandla emshadweni, phela izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi. Ungazi kanjani lapho umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda? Bheka izimpawu ezenza ube nomuzwa wokuthi umyeni wakho akazimisele ukwenza noma yimuphi umzamo emshadweni:
- Uyeka ukukhathalela ukuzibandakanya kwakho, isimiso, inhlalakahle
- Akakhombisi intshisekelo yokujabulisa umndeni wakho nabangane
- Uqala ukuhoxisa imithwalo yemfanelo ehlobene nezingane
- Akasahlali ekhaya ngokwanele. Akakho kuwe
6. Uma umyeni wakho engasakuthandi, ukuxhumana kuyanqamuka
Ukuxhumana. Ukuxhumana. Ukuxhumana. KuyiGrail Engcwele ye-a ubudlelwano obuyimpumelelo. Uthando lungakuhlanganisa. Ukwethembana, ukuhloniphana, nokwazisana kungase kuqinise ubuhlobo benu. Kodwa ukuxhumana okuthembekile, okunempilo okugcina ubuhlobo. Kusukela ekwabelaneni ngezinto ezincane kuya ekukhulumeni ukungezwani kwenu, ukuxhumana yikho okunibonayo esikhathini eside.
Lapho umyeni wakho ephelelwa uthando, ukuzimisela kwakhe ukuhlanganyela kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokukhulumisana kuyanyamalala. Kungase kube nomuzwa wokuthi akasakuthandi ukukhuluma, noma mhlawumbe useyekile ukukhuluma nawe ngokuphelele. Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ezisobala kakhulu ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi.
Lokhu, kungase kukushiye uzizwe unganakiwe. “Umyeni wami ungiphatha njengokungathi anginandaba,” uyadelela. Ngiyakuzonda ukwethembeka ngesihluku kodwa lowo muzwa unembile. Noma ngabe usakukhathalela ngezinga elithile, awusenandaba naye njengoba ubukwenza. Awuseyona into ehamba phambili empilweni yakhe.
7. Umyeni ongakuthandi ngeke akukhumbule
“Umyeni wami akasangithandi futhi kubuhlungu,” kusho uThabatha kudadewabo omdala. Umyeni wakhe, uMark, wayehambe ohambweni lwebhizinisi emasontweni amathathu edlule, futhi phakathi naso sonke lesi sikhathi, babengakaze baxoxe izikhathi ezimbalwa. Lokhu naphezu kwemizamo engapheli kaTabatha yokufinyelela.
“Akafoni futhi akaphenduli izingcingo zami akaphenduli nemibhalo yami uma uthi ngiyakuthanda akaphindi aphendule, sekuphele izinsuku eziyishumi sagcina ukukhuluma useze wayiyeka nejwayelo. umbhalo owomile mina. Engikwaziyo ubengahle abaleke nomunye umuntu noma awe emhlabeni,” esho ngokukhulu ukudumala.
Ekushayeni kwabo okokugcina, lapho embuza, “Mark, kuzwakala sengathi asisakhulumi. Kulokho, waphendula, “Bengimatasa kakhulu ukuba ngingaze ngicabange ngawe.” Nakuba kwase kunesikhathi eside engazizwa ethandwa, lawo mazwi enza uTabitha abhekane neqiniso ayekade eligwema—“Lezi izimpawu zokuthi umyeni wami akasangithandi.”
8. Intukuthelo iveza indlela azizwa ngayo ngempela ngawe
“Umyeni wami akangithandi kodwa naye akangishiya.” Kungani kunjalo?” U-Joseline wazibuza ephimisela ngemva kwenye futhi impi embi. Kwakubonakala sengathi konke abake bakwenza kamuva kwaba ukulwa. Lezi zimpi zilandelwe yizikhathi ezinde zokumnika ukwelashwa buthule. “Umyeni wami uyangiziba izinsuku eziningi futhi uziphatha sengathi angikho,” ekhala, wabona sekuyisikhathi sokukhuluma nendlovu ekamelweni. Ngakho, ngalobo busuku, wanquma ukubhekana naye ngalo mbuzo. “Kusobala ukuthi awusangithandi. Pho kungani ungavele uhambe? ebuza ephatheke kabi ecasukile.
"Bengizohamba kudala uma ngikwazi. Kodwa nginendodakazi nawe futhi ngifuna ukuba sempilweni yayo. Isehlukaniso akuyona inketho ngoba ngingabheja ukuthi uzongiphuca. Futhi uqinisile, kudala ngingakuthandi," esho ebhoka ngolaka. Abantu basho izinto ezimbi uma becasukile.
Uma umyeni wakho ekhohlakele ngaleli zinga, impela, kuzokulimaza. Kodwa uma ubunomuzwa obeleselayo wokuthi okuthile sekunesikhathi eside kakhulu, kufanele uwathathe ngokungathi sína amazwi akhe. Lapho imizwa isizinzile, ngesikhathi esifanele, mbuze ukuthi wayesho ukuthini. Bheka ukuthi uyayithatha yini nawe, azame ukuyibhulasha ngaphansi kukakhaphethi, noma uyaxolisa ngempela ngalokho akushilo. Themba amathumbu akho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Zokuthi Umshado Wakho Uphelile
9. Izimpawu ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi - Ukusondelana kuyaphela
Yiziphi ezinye zezimpawu ezicacile ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi? Nansi eyodwa ongeke ukwazi ukuyifunda ngokungalungile: ukusondelana kushabalele emshadweni wakho. Uma umyeni wakho engasakuthandanga nje kuphela, ngeke nje aqale ucansi kodwa futhi akwenqabe izikhathi eziningi.
"Umyeni wami uyasuka lapho ngizama ukumqabula." “Kungani umyeni wami engangithinti?” "Ukuntuleka kokusondelana ngokomzimba kulimaza umshado wethu." Imicabango engathandeki njengalena iba yisici esihlala sikhona lapho ubhekene nesikhathi esinzima futhi izinkinga zomshado wakho zibonakala zingadambi.
Uma unenhlanhla, ungase uthole umzuliswano ngezikhathi ezithile ucansi lwesihe kuye kodwa ngeke kuzwakale okufanayo. Noma usegameni ungezwa ukuthi ukude futhi akaxhumene nawe. Lena enye yezindlela ezidabukisa kakhulu zokuqaphela ukuthi umyeni wakho akasakuthandi. Ukuntula ukusondelana akufanele kuphethwe nje ngokuntuleka kocansi. Bheka ezinye zalezi zimpawu ezilandelayo ukuze wazi ukuthi unezinkinga zokusondelana:
- Useyekile nokuluqala ucansi
- Ngisho noma nisondelene, ubonakala ekude
- Ungaya ocansini njalo kodwa akakhombisi ukusondelana ngenye indlela
- Akakubambi isandla, akuthinte noma ngayiphi indlela, akuqabule, akubuke ngothando
- Uzizwa untula ukusondelana ngokomzwelo futhi
10. Umyeni ongenalo uthando uzizwa eyisihambi
Uma uthando lungekho, ibanga phakathi kwabashadile likhula kuphela. KuThemba, ukucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakhe akasazizwa ngendlela efanayo ngaye kwavela ukuthi wayezizwa sengathi akasamazi. Ukuthi kwakungeyena lo muntu ayethandana naye futhi washada.
“Besinezinkinga isikhathi eside.Sasihamba isikhathi eside singakhulumisani, ngisho nalapho sikwenza lokho, kwakugxile kakhulu ezintweni ezibalulekile – izingane, indlu, izimali nokunye.Kwathi ngolunye usuku ngambona ecwilisa amaqabunga etiye ebhodweni esikhundleni sokuba aphuze ikhofi lakhe elimnyama elivamile ekuseni.
“Lapho ngimbuza ngakho, wathi wayeyekile ikhofi ezinyangeni ezimbili ezidlule ngenxa yokutuswa komuntu asebenza naye asebenethezeke isikhathi eside naye. Kungazelelwe, ngafikelwa wumbono: Umyeni wami akangithandi, futhi mhlawumbe nami angimthandi. Kusho uThemba. Kwesinye isikhathi kuba yizinto ezincane eziholela ekufezekeni okukhulu njengokuntula uthando nokungabi nalo uthando ebudlelwaneni kuyizimpawu eziyisixwayiso zokuthi kungenzeka ukuthi umshado usuphelelwe uthando.
11. Umyeni wakho akenzi lutho ukulwela ubudlelwano
Izindlela zokuxazulula izingxabano ezizwakalayo ziwuphawu lwe-a ubuhlobo obunempilo. Uma usemshadweni lapho bobabili abalingani betshalwe ngokulinganayo, niyalwa ngoba nifuna okungcono kakhulu ebudlelwaneni benu. Kwesinye isikhathi, imibono yakho yokuthi yini 'engcono kakhulu' ingaba yimibono ephikisanayo, okuholela ekungqubuzaneni.
Noma kunjalo awulilahli ithemba. Uyazama. Uyalwa, uyaphikisana, uthola indawo ephakathi. Esinye sezibonakaliso ukuthi umyeni wakho akakwazisi ukuthi umyeni wakho akalweli ubudlelwano. Uvele avume ngokungananazi noma yini oyishoyo. Uma kuqubuka impi naphezu kwalokho, umyeni wakho akenzi lutho ukuxazulula ingxabano. Nguwe okufanele ekugcineni uthathe isinyathelo sokuthula komthengisi.
Ukuthi kukhona ukungezwani phakathi kwenu nobabili, akumthinti nakancane. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuntuleka kwesithakazelo kungase kusule nakuwe. Lapho ukuqaphela ukuthi “ngiyekile ukukhuluma naye futhi akanandaba” kukushaya, nawe ungase uzizwe ubanda futhi ungamnaki.
12. Kungenzeka ukuthi acasuke futhi abe nengxabano ngaso sonke isikhathi
Kusukela uzizwa ekude ngokomzwelo futhi ehlukanisiwe nawe kodwa kusafanele abelane nawe ngokuphila kwakhe, angase acasuke kakhulu futhi abe semaphethelweni ngaso sonke isikhathi. Enye yamaphethini athumela isignali ethi “umyeni wami akanandaba nami noma akangithandi” ukuthambekela kwakhe ekuphikiseni futhi asuse izingxabano ngaso sonke isikhathi. Nakuba engase angafuni ukulwela noma phezu kwezinto ezibalulekile, nakanjani uzojuluka izinto ezincane.
Isibonelo, into encane njengokulibaziseka kokudla kwasekuseni noma ukukhohlwa ukukhipha udoti uma sekuyithuba lakho kungamxosha. Angasebenzisa lezi zigilamkhuba ezincane njengezaba zokuphuma ahlukane nawe. Lena yindlela nje yokudala ibanga elide phakathi kwenu nobabili. Uma kulapho okhona emshadweni wakho, lokho kuyinkomba ecacile yokuthi izinto sezibhebhetheke kangakanani. Kumele uthole impendulo yokuthi yini okumele uyenze uma umyeni wakho engakuqapheli futhi uhlole ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukuthi ulungise izinto.
13. Izindonga ezimzungezile zibukeka zingenakunqotshwa uma umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda
Olunye lwezimpawu ezingu-17 ukuthi umyeni wakho akasakuthandi ukuthi akasakuvumeli empilweni yakhe. Kungenzeka ukuthi wena naye nisengabambisene nabo enihlala endlini eyodwa kodwa awazi lutho ngokwenzeka empilweni yakhe. Khohlwa ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye, ukwenza izinto ezithakazelisayo, ukuqinisa isibopho sakho, awazi ngisho nemininingwane eyisisekelo mayelana okwenzekayo ekuphileni kwakhe.
Ingabe wayithola leyo appraising ayefanele? Ingabe kube khona isethulo esibalulekile emsebenzini kuleli sonto? Udla kuphi ukudla kwakhe kwasemini kulezi zinsuku? Ujola nobani? Yimuphi umbukiso weNetflix amatasatasa kuwo? Uma ungazazi izimpendulo zale mibuzo, usezandleni zakho a ubudlelwano obuphukile.
Lokhu kungase kukushiye ubambe ongezansi ngokuthi “umyeni wami akasangithandi futhi kubuhlungu”. Ngiyakuzwa. Manje kungaba yisikhathi esihle sokuqala ukuhlela izinyathelo ezilandelayo zokubuyisela impilo nenjabulo yakho.
14. Ungasho kanjani uma umyeni wakho engakuthandi? Angase alale esehlukanisa nawe
Ngifuna ukukucacisa zisuka nje ukuthi ukulala isehlukaniso kukodwa akukho phakathi kwezimpawu ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi. Mhlawumbe, izinkinga zokulala noma imikhuba yokuhona yenza kube nzima kuwe ukuthi wabelane ngombhede. Lokho kulungile ngokuphelele. Ungaba nobudlelwano obuqinile naphezu kwamagumbi okulala ahlukene.
Kodwa-ke, uma ubona izimpawu eziningi ze-17 umyeni wakho akakuthandi emshadweni wakho, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, umyeni wakho unquma ukulala ekamelweni elihlukile, khona-ke unesizathu esihle sokwethuka. Alukho uthando oluvela kumyeni oluhambisana nesifiso sokuziqhelelanisa nawe olukhomba ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi usephumile emshadweni.
15 Umyeni ongenalo uthando uyeka ukuhlela ikusasa
U-Ursula wafika ekuqondeni "umyeni akangithandi" lapho ebona ukuthi umlingani wakhe wayeka ukwenza izinhlelo zekusasa naye. “Bengifuna ukutshala imali ekhaya lomhlalaphansi, futhi besithola idili elimangalisayo ngendawo engasedolobheni kodwa wabonakala engenantshisekelo.”
Lapho u-Ursula ebuza ngokungaphezi, wathi, “Ubani owaziyo ukuthi ikusasa lisiphatheleni? Asazi ukuthi siyobe sisashada yini ngemva kwayo yonke leyo minyaka. U-Ursula, osedivosile, uthi: “Ngazizwa sengathi wonke umhlaba ungehlele, umyeni wami wayengasangithandi futhi kwadlula isikhathi ngaphambi kokuba umshado uphele.
Ukumisa ukuhlela ikusasa kungabonakala ngezindlela ezahlukene:
- Ukuzibophezela ukungathembeki ngokwezimali
- Ukungahleli noma yimaphi amaholide esikhathi esizayo lapho lokho bekuyinto evamile
- Ukuhoxa ekutshalweni kwezimali ukuya ezimpahleni
- Ukungabonisi intshisekelo ezinhlosweni zozakwethu
- Ukungabelani ngezinhloso nezinhlelo zabo
- Ukuhoxiswa kancane kancane kwentshisekelo ekuhleleni usuku, uhambo lwangempelasonto, iphathi ekhaya
16. Uphatha abanye ngothando nozwelo ngaphezu kwakho
Uma umyeni wakho engasakuthandi, uthando ngeke lube khona ebudlelwaneni. Ingabe usesimweni lapho usala uzibuza ukuthi, “Umyeni wami akasangithandi kodwa ngeke ahambe, ngani?” Bese, ungathola le phethini yokuziphatha ihlobene.
Uzakwethu ongakalungeli ukukushiya kodwa osakhombisa izimpawu zokuthi akakwazisi uzophendukela kuye ukuziphatha kwe- passive-aggressive. Olunye uphawu kungaba ukuthi uphatha abanye ngothando ngaphezu kwakho. Angase azame ukuchaza iphuzu noma enze engazi. Kunoma ikuphi, izinto azibukeki kahle ebudlelwaneni benu.
“Umyeni wami ungiphatha sengathi anginandaba kodwa unemfudumalo futhi uyabakhathalela bonke abantu.Kusukela ezinganeni zethu kuya enja, umndeni wakhe nabangane, ngisho nomndeni wami nabangane, uphatha wonke umuntu ngenhlonipho, uthando, nozwela. Uma kuziwa kimi, konke angakunikeza ukudelela nokucasuka. Angazi ukuthi sahlukana kanjani ngaleli zinga noma ukwazi ukuthi umyeni wami ushintshe yini ekuziphatheni kwakhe, kodwa ngiyazi ukuthi lokhu kubangelwa yini uthando noma uthando. usenothando ngoba akasangithandi umshado wami ushona kancane,” kusho uStevie.
17. Ukukopela kungezinye zezimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi
Yebo, abantu bayakopela ngazo zonke izinhlobo zezizathu hhayi nje ngoba sebephelelwe uthando nabashade nabo. Kusukela ekufuneni izinto ezintsha nezintsha kuya ekujabuleleni ukunambitha isithelo esenqatshelwe, kungaba nenqwaba yezici ezishukumisela indoda ukuba ikhohlise umkayo noma okuphambene nalokho. Kodwa-ke, uma umyeni wakho engazange nje akhohlise kodwa futhi uye wathandana nomunye wesifazane futhi lobo buhlobo sebuyinto ehamba phambili kuye kwaze kwaba seqophelweni lapho ezimisele ukudela umshado wakhe ngenxa yalokho, khona-ke ngokungangabazeki kuphakathi kwezimpawu ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi.
Ungazi kanjani lapho umyeni wakho eyeka ukukuthanda, uyabuza? Uma umlingani wakho ezibophezela ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokuzisola, umshado wakho usenkingeni enkulu. Ukusindisa umshado lapho umngane womshado oyedwa enganqamuki ngokomzwelo nje kuphela kodwa futhi etshale imali komunye umuntu kungase kube cishe akunakwenzeka. Manje usufinyelele esigabeni sokuthi uzibuze ukuthi "alukho uthando emshadweni. Umyeni wami akanandaba nami ngokocansi noma ngokomzwelo. Akayena umfana engangishade naye, ngenzenjani?" Ngakho, yini okufanele uyenze? Ake sithole.
Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Umyeni Wakho Engasakuthandi
“Umyeni wami akasangithandi” – ukwamukela lokhu kungaba enye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu oyoke uzenze. Ngisho nangaphezulu, uma usathandana naye. Kodwa uma ubona lezi zimpawu ezisobala emshadweni wakho, izimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho akakwazisi, kufanele uthathe izinyathelo ezisheshayo ukuze uzivikele.
Kukuzuzisa kakhulu ukuthi ucabangele izinketho zakho bese uzenzela isinqumo kunokuba uhlale ulindele ukuthi acele isehlukaniso. Nakhu okufanele ukwenze uma umyeni wakho ephelelwa uthando:
- Yamukela iqiniso: Zinike isikhathi nendawo ukuze uvumelane neqiniso lokuthi lokhu obhekene nakho kungaphezu kokubi futhi umyeni wakho usephelelwe uthando.
- Thatha isikhathi sokucubungula: Zivumele ukuthi ukhale, ufune ukwesekwa, futhi wabelane ukuze ukwazi ukucubungula lo mbani oshaywe ngawo. Imizwa yakho ivumelekile. Ayikho into oyizwayo ukusabela okweqile
- Nquma ukuthi yini oyifunayo: Njengoba wazi ukuthi umyeni wakho akakuthandi, usafuna ukuzama ukuhlenga umshado wakho noma ukuhamba ngokwehlukana? Zinike isikhathi sokunquma ukuthi yini ofuna ukuyenza lapho umyeni wakho esephelelwe uthando nawe
- Khuluma nomyeni wakho: Uma ususithathile isinqumo, khuluma nomyeni wakho nibone ukuthi akekho yini ohamba nawe. Uma naye efuna ukusindisa umshado naphezu kokungathandi kwakhe, kuwuphawu oluhle futhi kungase kube nethemba lokuthi ningasivusa isibopho senu. Nokho, uma engasenaso isithakazelo sokwenza izinto zisebenze, kungase kube ngcono ukuba umyeke
- Funa usizo ukuze usindise umshado wakho: Uma nobabili ninquma ukusebenzela ukusindisa umshado wenu, ukwelulekwa ngomshado kungase kube ukubheja kwenu okuhle kakhulu ekutholeni umnyombo wezinkinga ezibangele le nkinga phakathi kwenu kwasekuqaleni futhi nixazulule umehluko wenu. Ungase uzibuze ngokuphelelwa yithemba, “Ungenza kanjani umyeni wami angithande futhi?”, Kodwa khumbula, ayikho induku yomlingo engavula inkinobho yothando enhliziyweni yomyeni wakho. Izodinga umsebenzi ongashintshi kuzo zombili iziphetho ukuze kwakhiwe kabusha lolu xhumo
- Yenza ikhefu elihlanzekile ukuze uhambe: Uma umyeni wakho engasathandi ukuvuselela umshado, kungcono kakhulu ukuba wenze ikhefu elihlanzekile. Khuluma naye mayelana nezinhlelo zokuhlukanisa izimpilo zenu, thola ummeli wesahlukaniso, bese uhlela izinyathelo ezilandelayo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, naka impilo yakho engokomzwelo futhi uzivumele ukuba udlule izigaba zosizi ukukwazi ukuphulukisa nokuqhubekela phambili ngesikhathi esithile
- Chaza kabusha imigomo yomshado wakho: Uma umyeni wakho engakuthandi kodwa engeke akushiye noma ungekho esimweni sokukwenza, kungasiza ukuchaza kabusha imigomo yomshado wakho. Mhlawumbe, vula umshado futhi uvumelane ukubona abanye abantu ukuze izidingo ezingokomzwelo nezingokwenyama zingavinjelwa ekuqhubekeni kokugcina leligobolondo elingenalutho lomshado liphila.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Lapho indoda iphelelwa uthando nomngane wayo womshado, iba kude futhi ihlukaniswe ngokomzwelo
- Lokhu kuhlukana kungase kubonakale njengokudinga isikhala esiningi, hhayi ukufaka isandla emshadweni, ukuxhumana okungekho
- Lapho umyeni wakho engasakuthandi, naye uzoyeka ukubona ikusasa nawe, ukubeka phambili, noma ukukhathalela izidingo zakho nezidingo zakho. Angase ngisho akhohlise ukuze anelise izidingo zakhe
- Uma lokhu kwenzeka, unezinketho ezintathu: zama ukuhlenga isibopho, uhambe, noma uchaze kabusha imigomo yomshado wakho.
Kungaba nzima ukuba nenhloso mayelana nobudlelwano bakho. Mhlawumbe, ubuziqaphela lezi zimpawu sonke isikhathi kodwa awufunanga ukufunda kakhulu kuzo noma wamukele ukuthi lezi bezikhombani. Manje njengoba usunebala elimnyama nelimhlophe ukuthi kunjani uma umyeni wakho engakuthandi, ungabheki ngenye indlela. Ayikho enye indlela yokubhekana nalesi simo ngaphandle kokuzifaka phakathi kwemizwa yakho bese uthatha isinqumo sokuthi ufuna ukuya kuphi usuka lapha.
Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoJuni 2023.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Xoxa ngobuqotho nomyeni wakho, futhi umbuze ukuthi angathanda yini ukulungisa umshado. Uma evuma, ungazama ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi ukuze wenze isiqalo esisha. Uma engenzi njalo, udinga ukuthi uzitholele ummeli wedivosi bese uhlela izinyathelo ezilandelayo.
Ukuhlala nomyeni ongenandaba nawe kungaba nzima. Zibuze ukuthi kungani uzizwa unesidingo sokuhlala emshadweni lapho ungathandwa futhi ungazizwa wanelisekile. Khona-ke, sebenzela ukubhekana nanoma yimiphi imikhawulo ekubambezela yona. Uma usukwenzile lokho ngempumelelo, zikhulule.
Udlame, ukungathembeki kanye ukuhlukunyezwa ebudlelwaneni ngokuvamile kuthiwa yizizathu ezizwakalayo zokushiya umshado. Nokho, uma uvaleleke emshadweni ongenaluthando okwenza uphatheke kabi, kungcono kakhulu ukuba ukhiphe ikhefu elihlanzekile futhi uqale kabusha. Kuzokwenza nobabili wena nomlingani wakho nijabule ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Kutuswa ukuthi ukhulume naye ngokungabaza kwakho. Impendulo yakhe izokutshela ukuthi kungenzeka noma yikuphi ukubuyisana. Uma engabonisi ntshisekelo ekubhekaneni nezinto ezikukhathazayo, kuphathe njengezimpawu zokuthi umyeni wakho akakwazisi. Ukuhlenga umshado kulesi sigaba sezinkinga cishe akunakwenzeka. Kungcono kakhulu ukuthi ucabangele izinketho zakho futhi uzenzele isinqumo kunokuhlala ulinde ukuthi acele isehlukaniso nini. Xhumana nomeluleki womshado nesehlukaniso ukuze akusize ngenqubo.
Kusho ukuthi nobabili kufanele nihlale ndawonye futhi nixoxe ngekusasa lenu, ikakhulukazi uma umshado wenu uthinta ngokuqondile ukunakekelwa kwamanye amalungu omndeni, njengezingane, abantu abadala abondliwa, izilwane ezifuywayo njll. Uma umlingani wakho exosha noma engakulungele ukuhlala nawe, kufanele ufune ngokushesha ukusekelwa emndenini noma kubangane, futhi uma kungenzeka, funa isiqondiso sochwepheshe.
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