Indlela Yokubhekana Nomyeni Okhohlisayo - Amathiphu angu-15

Impilo enakhele ndawonye ibhidlika lapho uqaphela ukuthi umyeni wakho kungenzeka ukuthi akathembekile noma empeleni akathembekile. Umqondo wakho ungase ugubuzelwe yimibuzo eminingi mayelana nesikhathi esedlule, ikusasa, isimo sobudlelwano bakho, kanye nokungaqiniseki kwakho konke. Imibuzo engapheli ingase igcwale ingqondo yakho. Indlela yokubhekana nomyeni wokukopela? Yini ongakusho kumyeni wakho wokukopela? Indlela yokubhekana nobuhlungu bokuqhathwa? Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, kufanele kube yini inkambo yakho yesenzo ngemuva kokungathembeki kwakhe?

Umbuzo wokuthi kufanele uvele uzibe iziphambeko zomyeni wakho uqhubeke noma uhlale nomuntu okuqhathile mhlawumbe uyena omkhulu kunayo yonke. Nakuba ukuhlukana nomngane womshado okhohlisayo kungase kube umuzwa wakho wokuqala, ukubhidliza umshado akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kodwa uma ukhetha ukuhlala, ingabe kuyomane kumkhuthaze ukuba aduke nakakhulu?

Akukho ukukhetha okulungile noma okungalungile kulesi simo, futhi nakanjani, akukho ukukhetha okulula. Ngoba masibhekane nakho, ayikho incwadi yemithetho eqinisekisa ubuhlobo obuphelele futhi ayikho indlela elula yokubhekana nomyeni okhohlisayo. Kodwa yonke inkinga iza nesixazululo futhi lena ayihlukile. Lapha sihlanganise amathiphu nemibono yokuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma uthola ukuthi umyeni wakho uyakopela. Thatha umoya ojulile, futhi ulalele lesi seluleko sokudlulela ekungathembeki nasekusingatheni isimo ngendlela ongakwazi ngayo.

Indlela Yokubhekana Nomyeni Okhohlisayo - Amathiphu angu-15

Ngemva kweminyaka engu-3 eshadile noRaul, uLinda wayekhulelwe. Ukukhulelwa kwakunzima, futhi kwathatha iningi lamandla nengqondo kaLinda; Kulokhu, yena noRaul baqala ukukhukhuleka. Ngaphambi kokuba uLinda abelethe ingane yakhe yokuqala, uRaul wayelala nozakwabo, uSusan. Isikhathi esimnandi kakhulu empilweni yakhe sachithwa ngokukopela kukaRoss. ULinda wasala ezibuza, “Ngimshiye yini umyeni wami ngenxa yokukopela?” Ukuqaphela ukuthi ingane yakhe engakazalwa izodinga ubaba kwayivimbela ekupakisheni izikhwama zayo futhi iphume ngamandla.

Kunalokho, wakhetha ukubhekana nobuhlungu bomyeni okhohlisayo futhi anikeze umshado wakhe ithuba lesibili ngenxa yengane yakhe esanda kuzalwa. Lokhu akusho ukuthi ukuthethelela owakwakho ngokuphamba ukwethemba kwakho nokukhetha ukuhlala ndawonye kuwukuphela kwendlela yokubhekana negalelo lokungathembeki. Ukubhekana nokuqaphela ukuthi umyeni wakho ungumkhohlisi kunzima futhi wonke umbhangqwana uphendula ngendlela ehlukile.

Sekushiwo lokho, ungakwazi ukuqoqa izingcezu futhi ubheke kahle izinketho zakho lapho uzibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokukhashelwa komyeni wakho. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kungenakwenzeka, ungahlalisana nendoda enezindaba uma izimo zakho zingakuvumeli ukuphuma emshadweni. Ukwenza lolu hambo olubuhlungu lube lula, nanka amathiphu ayi-15 okuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomyeni okhohlisayo:

1. Hlola kabili amaqiniso akho

Ungase ube nombono wokuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi. Kungenzeka ukuthi ubuqaphela ezinye izimpawu zozakwethu okhohlisayo kodwa awunaso isiqiniseko sokuthi lokho kunjalo, empeleni, kunjalo. “Ngisola ukuthi umyeni wami uyakopela kodwa anginabo ubufakazi” - lo mcabango ungadla yonke into uma uzwa ukukhashelwa kwakhe emathanjeni akho kodwa ungabi nalutho oluphathekayo ongaqhubeka nalo.

Abesifazane bayizidalwa ezinengqondo. Uma ithumbu lakho likutshela ukuthi owakwakho unomunye wesifazane empilweni yakhe, kungenzeka ukuthi kuyiqiniso. Kodwa awukwazi ukubeka icala njengelibucayi njengalokhu ngokusekelwe kumzwelo wakho wemvelo wesisu kuphela. Kubalulekile ukumisa okwesikhashana futhi uqinisekise. Hlola uphinde uhlole ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi empeleni usebenzisana nomyeni ongathembekile. Nansi eminye imibuzo okudingeka uyibuze futhi uyilungise njengoba uhlola izinsolo zakho:

• Ingabe kuwukubhuqa nje kobungane nokudlala ngothando okungenangozi?
• Ingabe ukhuluma nomuntu asebenza naye emsebenzini othile?
• Bunjani lobu budlelwano nomunye wesifazane? Ingabe nguye ngempela ukukopela ku-inthanethi noma empilweni yangempela?
• Ingabe ukubheka njengokukopela? Futhi wena?
• Ingabe bukhona ubufakazi obuphathekayo obufana nemiyalezo yombhalo, ama-imeyili, imininingwane yomhlangano wabo, ongabusebenzisa ukuze ubhekane naye?

Udinga ukuchashaza ezakho futhi weqe o-T bakho ngaphambi kokuthi uqale nokucabanga ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomkhohlisi. Thatha isinyathelo esilandelayo kuphela ngemva kokwenza ngokucophelela kwakho. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi uqinisekise isimo ngaphambilini ngoba ukumangalela okungamanga kungalimaza ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho isikhathi eside.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Ezizisola Ngokukhohlisa Futhi Ufuna Ukuzilungisa

2. Bhekana naye

Yini okufanele uyenze lapho uthola ukuthi umyeni wakho uyakopela? Adonse umoya kakhulu. Siyazi ukuthi kukwenza uhlanye kangakanani futhi yingakho sifuna ukuthi wehlise umoya ngaphambi kokuthi usabele. Uma usuzolile (kahle, uzolile ngangokunokwenzeka), gcina izinto ezilandelayo engqondweni ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi ingxoxo iveza izimpendulo ozifunayo:

• Kwenze ngesikhathi esifanele: Thola isikhathi esifanele sokukhuluma naye, uqiniseke ukuthi azikho iziphazamiso. Ngokwesibonelo, uma unezingane, qiniseka ukuthi uzihlalele ebusuku noma ungekho ekhaya lapho ukhuluma nazo.
• Ukucaca komcabango: Udinga ukucaca engqondweni yakho ukuthi yini ozoyisho kumyeni wakho wokukopela. Lokhu kuzogcina ingxoxo ingaqhubeki ezintweni ezingadingekile
• Namathela emaqinisweni: Ungakhulumi ngezindaba ezidlule noma umangalele ngezinto ocabanga ukuthi uyazenza. Namathela emaqinisweni owaqinisekisile
• Yiba ngqo: Ungakusikiseli noma ushaye ihlathi – vele umbuze. Ake umbuzo ummangaze ukuze athole impendulo eqotho.

Owakwakho angaphika ukuthi uyajola uma ebuzwa ngakho kodwa uzokwazi ngenkulumo yakhe nomzimba wakhe. Ithiphu elincane - qaphela ukuthi uyakugwema yini ukukubuka emehlweni noma ukubheka ngqo lapho ephendula umbuzo wakho. Futhi, naka ezinye izimpawu zokuqamba amanga njengokufulathela noma ukuthinta ikhala, noma ukunwaya ubuso. Ngenxa yokuthi ushade naye, kungenzeka ukuthi usuzibonile lezi zimpawu lapho eqamba amanga noma ezama ukufihla okuthile. Ukubhekana nomyeni wakho onamanga ngaphandle kokuwela ogibeni lweziqinisekiso zakhe ezingamanga kuyadingeka kuwe ukuthi uphathe udaba lokungathembeki ngqo.

3. Ukwelulekwa kuyisihluthulelo

Njengamanje, usudlule esigabeni esithi “Ngisola ukuthi umyeni wami uyakopela kodwa anginabufakazi”. Iziphambeko zakhe manje sezisobala, futhi inqwaba yemibuzo emisha ikugqolozele ebusweni manje:

• Kufanele uhlale noma uhambe?
• Uma unquma ukuhlala, ungase ufune ukwazi: iyiphi indlela efanele yokubuyisela umkhohlisi?
• Uma ucabangela ukuphuma, umbuzo osengqondweni yakho ungase ube: indlela yokushiya umyeni okhohlisayo omthandayo?
• Futhi lapho imicabango yokukhaphela kwakhe ikudla, ungase ufune ukwazi: indlela yokuyeka ukucabanga ngokweqile ngemva kokukhohliswa?

Akulula ukuthola indlela yokubhekana nomyeni okhohlisayo, ikakhulukazi uma nifuna ukuhlala ndawonye. Lesi yisikhathi sokuzitholela wena nomshado wakho usizo. Unganqeni ukubonisana nomeluleki wabashadikazi futhi uzame ukuveza konke enikungcwatshwe ngokujulile futhi nilungise izinkinga zenu.

U-Nikita noDerek base bezohlukana ngemuva kokuthola ukungathembeki kwakhe. Yayingekho indlela yokuthi angaphenduka abe ngomunye walabo besifazane ababheke kwelinye kuyilapho abayeni babo beqola, ezitshela. Kodwa kwaba khona inkinga encane; ekujuleni, wayezama ukuthola ukuthi, "Umyeni wami ukhohliwe, manje sekwenzenjani?" Naphezu kokukhashelwa, uNikita akakwazanga ukudlula imizwa ayenayo ngoDerek. “Ukube bekunenkinobho yokucisha imizwelo,” ecasuka. Njengomzamo wokugcina wokusindisa umshado wabo, baya kumeluleki. Yathela izithelo. Badlule ngempumelelo ukudlula ukuhlehla kokungathembeki futhi bashadile ngokujabulisayo namuhla.

Ukuveza izindaba zakho phambi komeluleki oqeqeshiwe kungakusiza ukuthi uhlole ukuthi kukhona yini okushodayo ebudlelwaneni bakho okungase kusetshenzwe ngakho noma uma ubhekene umkhohlisi ojwayelekile. Uma ukwelulekwa akuzwakali njengenkomishi yakho yetiye noma nobabili anikho ekhasini elifanayo ngakho, ungase futhi ubhekane nomyeni okhohlisayo ngokomoya. Uma ukholwa, phendukela kumfundisi noma umeluleki wezenkolo ukuze aqonde imizwa yakho. Noma ungahlola izinketho ezifana nokuzindla ukuze uthole ukuthula nokuphulukiswa kwangaphakathi okudingekayo ukuze ubhekane nobuhlungu bomyeni okhohlisayo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Amadoda Ashadile Ekhohlisa? Uchwepheshe Uhlanganyela Izizathu Ezingenzeka Ezingu-9

4. Ungazibandakanyi izingane, zama ukungawufaki umndeni wakho

Ayikho incwadi yomthetho yokuthi ungadlula kanjani umyeni wakho ekukopela, kodwa kufanele kwenziwe ukuze uphile kahle futhi uzihloniphe. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nomyeni wokukopela ngemva kokushaqeka kokuqala kwakho konke ukuqeda iwukuba ukubamba imizwelo yakho. Cabanga ngendlela ukusabela kwakho kanye nendlela okubathinta ngayo abantu obathandayo, njengezingane zakho nomndeni oseduze.

Uma kukhona izingane ezihilelekile, indlela enengqondo kunazo zonke yokusingatha isimo ngemva kokuba ekopelile iwukuba azikhiphe esithombeni. Ungabalimaza unomphela ngokubafaka kulesi simo esiguquguqukayo ngokomzwelo futhi uzame ukungcolisa umbono wabo ngoyise. Izingqondo zezingane aziguquki ngokwanele ukuba zibe nomqondo futhi zicubungule izehlakalo eziyinkimbinkimbi nemizwa ngendlela efanele.

Ukuthi kungenzeka umshado wabazali babo uphele ngenxa yalesi sigameko kungabashiya besaba futhi bengaphephile. Ngenxa yabo, izinto zasekhaya mazisondele kokujwayelekile ngangokunokwenzeka. Ungamnaki umyeni wakho wokukopela phambi kwabangane nomndeni. Ungabandakanyi umndeni wakho omkhulu ekuxazululeni lolu daba. Kuzodala inhlebo kuphela futhi kuphoqelele abantu ukuthi bathathe uhlangothi futhi lokho akunempilo neze.

Nakuba kungase kulinge, manje akusona isikhathi sokuzibuza, “Ngingenza kanjani umyeni wami okhohlisayo ahlupheke?” Kungase kuzwakale kumnandi okwamanje kodwa kuzodala umonakalo wesikhathi eside hhayi nje ebuhlotsheni bakho kodwa nasebudlelwaneni bomngane womshado wakho nezingane zakho nomndeni wakho. Khetha ukuba umuntu omkhulu lapha. Yebo, umyeni wakho ongathembekile ukushiye uzizwa ululazekile, uphatheke kabi, futhi ungahlonishwa kodwa ukumnambitha umuthi wakhe ngeke kubuqede ubuhlungu bakho. Hlukana nemicabango ukuziphindiselela ukukopela noma ukululazwa emphakathini. Kunalokho, gxila enqubweni yakho yokuphulukisa kanye nokuphila kahle.

5. Ungamfaki omunye wesifazane

Enye yezindlela ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomyeni okhohlisayo ukukhumbula ukuthi lokhu kuphakathi kwakho nomyeni wakho. Kungase kusilingo abhekane nomunye wesifazane futhi udlulisele imizwa yakho yokulimala nentukuthelo kuye. Impela, ukumbiza ngombhidli wekhaya futhi kumenze azizwe ethusayo ngaye kungase kuzizwe kumnandi okwamanje. Kodwa iyofeza yiphi injongo?

Ukumbiza ngamagama ngeke kuwulungise umonakalo odalwe emshadweni wakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyamazi yini owesifazane umyeni wakho owakuqhatha naye, qhela kuye. Ukumfaka odabeni kuzokwenza izinto zibe zimbi. Impi yakho ikumyeni wakho hhayi omunye wesifazane. Uma kwenzeka ubhekene nesimo esingesihle sokuba umyeni wakho axabane izikhathi eziningi, khona-ke unesizathu esengeziwe sokukhumbula iqiniso lokuthi omunye wesifazane akayona inkinga lapha, umyeni wakho nguye.

Noma kwenzekani, gcina isithunzi sakho. Kuyenzeka uxazulule izinkinga zakho ngaphandle kokubeka icala kumuntu wesithathu. Uma uzwa ukukhungatheka nentukuthelo yakheka, bheka ezinye izindlela zokuhambisa imizwelo yakho enamandla kakhulu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Ukuthethelela Ukukopela Umlingani Wakho, Futhi Kufanele Wena?

6. Ungazibeki icala, ungazivikele

Manje, ungasilahli, asisho ukuthi unecala nganoma iyiphi indlela ngezenzo zomyeni wakho ongathembekile. Okuphambene impela, empeleni. Sikucela ukuthi ungehli embobeni kanogwaja wecala kanye necala njengoba uzama ukuthola indlela yokusingatha umyeni okhohlisayo. Nakuba kungase kuzwakale kuphikisana, akukhona okungajwayelekile ngomngane womshado okhashiwe ukuba azizwe enecala ekukhetheni umlingani wakhe ukukopela. Nakhu ukuthi ukuzigxeka kungase kuzwakale kunjani:

• “Mhlawumbe bekuyiphutha lami”
• “Zonke izimpawu zozakwethu abakhohlisayo bezikhona. Bekufanele ngikubone kuza”
• “Mhlawumbe angithakazelisi ngokwanele”
• “Angimuhle”
• “Ufanelwe okungcono kakhulu”
• “Ingabe kufanele ngishiye umyeni wami ngenxa yokukopela? Ngibona sengathi bekuyiphutha lami”

Izifundo zamanje zemibhangqwana yaseMelika zikhombisa ukuthi u-20 kuya ku-40% wabesilisa abashadile abathandana nobulili obuhlukile bazoba nobuhlobo bobulili ngaphandle komshado phakathi nokuphila kwabo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi khumbula ukuthi ukukopela kuwukuzikhethela, futhi ngokuvamile akuhlangene nomngane womshado okhashiwe (nakuba umkhohlisi angase asebenzise ukushiyeka komshado ukuze athethelele izenzo zakhe). Ngakho-ke, zenzele umusa futhi ungazisoli. Ayikho into obungayenza ukuze umyeni wakho angakuqhathi. Hhayi ngedwa, noma kunjalo.

7. Makabeke izwi lakhe alalele

Indlela yokuphatha umyeni wakho ngemva kokukopela? Singasho ngomusa nangozwelo ngisho nalapho inhliziyo nengqondo yakho kugcwele intukuthelo nenzondo kuye. Yebo, lokhu kungase kube lula ukukusho kunokukwenza lapho ingqondo yakho igcwele imicabango nemibono eminingi - ngaye, ngaye, ngawe. Ukumnika ithuba lokuhlanganyela uhlangothi lwakhe lwendaba nokumuzwa kungase kube yinto yokugcina ongase ufune ukuyenza.

Kodwa-ke, ukungaqalisi inkulumo mayelana nesigameko kungakushiya ubambekile esigabeni esithi “umyeni wami ukhohliswe futhi angikwazi ukukuyeka”. Lapho ukuqubuka kokuqala kobuhlungu nobuhlungu sekuphelile, mhlawumbe bheka isimo ngendlela ehlukile. Okwesikhashana, indiva umyeni wakho ukukopela futhi ugxile kungani ukukopela kwakhe. Lokhu kungaba usizo uma ukukopela bekuyinto eyodwa futhi awubhekene nenkinga engapheli yokuthi umyeni wakho ujola nabesifazane abaningi.

UCynthia Jared, iphini likamongameli webhange, ukhumbula ehlezi nomyeni wakhe bephuza ikhofi naphezu kwayo yonke intukuthelo eyayivutha ngaphakathi kuye. Wathi, “Ake sikhohlwe kancane ukuthi sishadile, cabanga mina njengomngane wakho omkhulu. UCynthia ukhumbula le ngxoxo yomlingo eyathatha amahora amaningi futhi yaphakamisa ukungabaza okuningi kuye.

Wasitshela ukuthi, “Bengingazi ukuthi ngizoba nale ndoda noma cha, esikhathini esizayo kodwa into eyodwa engangiqinisekile – ngase ngiluthathele uhambo lokuxolelana.” Ebuza ilungelo imibuzo kumlingani wakho ongathembekile kuyokusiza ukuba uziqonde, futhi uzokwazi ukubhekana nesimo kangcono.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Imibuzo Eyi-15 Yokubuza Ukuze Uphinde Wakhe Ukwethembana Ebudlelwaneni

8. Ungaphindiseli

Ukuziphindiselela kubi, akuvuthiwe, futhi ukukhetha okubi njalo - kubalulekile ukuthi uzikhumbuze ngalokhu lapho uqala ukuzwa ngokungathembeki komlingani wakho. Ubuhlungu nokululazeka kungase kukwenze uhlale emicabangweni efana nokuthi “ungenza kanjani umyeni wami okhohlisayo ahlupheke” noma “ungamlimaza kanjani umyeni wami okhohlisayo”. Futhi lokho kungokwemvelo futhi kungase kuzizwe kumnandi.

Okubalulekile ukuthi uyakwenza noma cha kule micabango. Uma ngempela ufuna ukukuyeka lokhu kukhinyabezeka futhi uqhubekele phambili, ungachithi isikhathi namandla akho ngokuqhamuka nesu elihle lokwenza umyeni wakho ahlupheke. Kunalokho, gxila ekutholeni izindlela zokubhekana nalesi simo esimnyama ozithola ukuso ngendlela enempilo ngangokunokwenzeka. Uma ungenakukwazi ukubuqeda ubuhlungu, intukuthelo, nobuhlungu obubangelwa ukukhashelwa kwakhe, zama ukubhekana nobuhlobo obungokomoya nomyeni okhohlisayo.

Ukuthatha indlela kamoya ingakusiza wenze umqondo wayo yonke imizwa engqubuzanayo nedidayo ekushiya ucasuke, ungakwazi ngisho nokubheka ohlangothini lomyeni wakho. Imisebenzi elula efana nokuzindla nokuba nengqondo ingaba yizikhonkwane ezinhle kulezi zikhathi zokuphazamiseka kwangaphakathi. Uma usuthole ukuhlakanipha kwakho kwangaphakathi, kuzokwazi ukukuqondisa endleleni efanele.

9. Hlonipha. Ngicela, akukho ukungibiza ngamagama

Ngenhlonipho? Siyazi ukuthi kufanele ucabange ukuthi siyahlanya ngisho nokuphakamisa into enjalo uma ubhekene nalesi simo esibi. Kungase kubonakale njengelinye lamacebiso angasebenzi kakhulu okusebenzelana nabayeni abangathembekile, kodwa sethembe uma sithi kuyasebenza. Ukubizwa ngamagama ebuhlotsheni noma ukusho izinto ezilimazayo ukuze nje ubeke umlingani wakho phansi - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sinjani - akusizi neze.

Uma uzama ukuthola indlela yokulungisa ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela, esikhundleni sokucasuka, ukuthukana, nokuphihliza izinto phansi, sondela kulesi simo ngomqondo ovulekile. Ungacabangi ukuthi kwenzekeni futhi kanjani, kunalokho ngena ngomcabango ongazi ukuthi kwenzekeni ngempela, unike umyeni wakho ithuba lokuzichaza.

10. Yeka ukuba umata emnyango

Indlela yokubhekana nomyeni wokukopela? Ake sikhulume nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nalesi simo nokuthi yini ongafanele uyibekezelele. Lokhu kuyisici esibalulekile seseluleko sokubhekana nokukopela ebuhlotsheni njengokwazi izinto ezifanele ongazisho nokukwenza. Ungabi ngaphansi komqondo wokuthi uma ungakuvumi noma ukhulume, isimo sizoshanelwa ngaphansi kukakhaphethi futhi singaphinde sibonakale.

Khuluma, bhekana naye, ungazisoli, yeka ukuba umata wasemnyango. Ufanelwe uthando, inhlonipho, nokwethembeka, futhi ungakhohliswa. Uma ufunda ngokungathembeki komlingani wakho, qina futhi uzimelele. Ikakhulukazi uma ucabanga ukuhlala nomlingani okhohlisayo, kubalulekile ukuthi:

• Mcacisele ukuthi kumele ayeke ukukopela
• Jabulisa noma iyiphi ingxoxo mayelana ukwakha kabusha ubudlelwano bakho kuphela uma uqinisekile ukuthi ukukopela kuphelile
• Beka imingcele nomlingani wakho
• Iba nengxoxo ngokuthi yini ehlanganisa ukwephulwa kokholo futhi wazise oshade naye ukuthi ayikho indawo yokunyakazisa kuleso sici.

Futhi, khumbula ukuthi ukulungisa ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela nakho kuncike ekuphenduleni kwakhe esimweni. Ungathemba ukubuyisana futhi wenze umshado wakho usebenze kuphela uma ezisola ngobuqotho futhi ezimisele ukulungisa. Ngaphandle, naye, futhi, uzama ukuthola, "Indlela yokuba umyeni ongcono ngemva kokukopela?", Kukhona ithemba elincane emshadweni wakho kungakhathaliseki ukuthi mangaki amathuba owanika umlingani wakho.

11. Isikhathi sezinqumo ezithile ezinzima

Uzame konke kodwa asikho isisombululo? “Umyeni wami ukhohlisile futhi angikwazi ukukuyeka,” ungase uzithole uvuma ngasese, njengoba nje isiphetho somshado wakho silenga esilinganisweni. Mhlawumbe, awukwazi ukuyeka ukubona ngeso lengqondo embhedeni nomunye umuntu njalo lapho uthola isikhashana kuwe. Mhlawumbe wuvalo lokuthi usethandana nomunye wesifazane olukudlayo ngaphakathi.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyini isizathu, wazi kangcono kunathi ukuthi ukungakwazi ukubhekana nobuhlungu bomyeni okhohlisayo kufana nokuphila nokugwazwa okungapheli, okunganqamuki. Kulesi sigaba, unezinqumo ezibalulekile okufanele uzenze.

• Uyafuna ukunikeza umshado wakho elinye ithuba?
• Uma kunjalo, ungamthethelela ngempela umlingani wakho ngokukopela?
• Ngabe ucabanga ukushiya umyeni wakho ngenxa yokukopela?

Isinqumo sokugcina sikuwe, kunjalo. Kodwa iseluleko sethu sendlela yokubhekana nomkhohlisi kungaba ukwenza leso sinqumo ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva. Uma usuthole ithuba lokumunca nokucubungula ukushaqeka nobuhlungu bokuqala, zihlole bese unquma ukuthi yini ofuna ukuyenza ngokulandelayo. Ungalokhu udonsa ubudlelwano uma inhliziyo yakho ingekho kukho. Akukho okuhle okwake kwaphuma ekubhaxabuleni ihhashi elifile.

Ukufunda okuhlobene: Ukungathembeki: Ingabe Kufanele Uvume Ukukopela Kumlingani Wakho?

12. Mtshele ukuthi akwazise ukuthi ukuphi

Ukuze ubuyisele ukwethembana ngemva kokuthola ukuthi umyeni wakho uyakopela, udinga ukubeka phambili ukwethembeka okuphelele nokungafihli ebudlelwaneni. Mcele ukuthi akwazise ukuthi ukuphi usuku lonke. Menze abone ukuthi akwenzile bekukubi futhi kuyadabukisa. Usephelelwe ukumethemba ngokuphelele. Ngakho-ke, kufanele asebenze kuyo ukuze ayakhe kabusha uma ezinikele ekukunqobeni futhi.

Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokwehluleka okukhulu njengokukopela akulula. Nobabili wena nomngane wakho womshado kuzodingeka nenze okuthile ukuze kusebenze. Nakuba kuzofanele azibophezele ekuthembekeni okuphelele nasekuvuleni, wena, njengomngane womshado okhashiwe, kuzodingeka ufunde ukuyeka ukwesaba nokuhlukumezeka futhi uthole indlela yokukholelwa umyeni wakho, kancane kancane.

13. Zihlolele izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi

Manje njengoba sesihlangabeze izici ezingokomzwelo zendlela yokubhekana nendoda ekhohlisayo, ake sibhekise ukunakekela kwethu esicini esiwusizo esibalulekile sokusebenzelana nomyeni ongathembekile. Umyeni wakho uke walala nomunye umuntu, futhi maningi amathuba okuthi ube nempilo yocansi ngalesi sikhathi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi oshade naye ukugcizelela kangakanani ukuthi 'uphephile', ungathathi izwi lakhe ngakho.

Zihlolele izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi. Ekutholeni indlela engcono kakhulu yokusebenzelana kwakho ngemva kokungathembeki, ungayinaki eyakho impilo kanye nenhlalakahle yakho. Lokhu kubaluleka nakakhulu uma usebenzelana nendoda enezindaba izikhathi eziningi. Ukushada nomkhohlisi we-serial kuphonsa amathuba okuba ukuzivikela kuma-STD ngefasitela. Kukuthakasela yakho ukuthola usizo lwezokwelapha ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.

Uma unqume ukunikeza umlingani wakho kanye nomshado wakho elinye ithuba, ngakho-ke kuyaphoqa ukuthi ucele umyeni wakho ukuba ahlole. Lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi ningaphinde niqale ukuya ocansini noma nini lapho nobabili nizizwa nilungile ngaphandle kokwesaba noma ukwesaba. Indlela eya ekubuyisaneni ngemva kokungathembeki yonakaliswe umthwalo ongokomzwelo kanye nezindaba zokwethembana, awuwudingi umthwalo owengeziwe wokukhathazeka ngezempilo. Ngakho-ke, yisuse endleleni ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ubunzima Ekwakhiweni Kabusha Ubudlelwano Ngemva Kokukopela Kanye Nendlela Yokubuzulazula

14. Gxila enhlalakahleni yakho

The umngane womshado uhlaselwa yisiphepho semizwa ngemva kokungathembeki. Ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo kungokoqobo futhi kungathatha umonakalo empilweni yakho yengqondo uma kungacutshungulwanga ngendlela efanele. Kungakho, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi ungazibi ukuphulukiswa kwakho ohlelweni lokuzama ukuthola ukuthi ungabusindisa kanjani ubudlelwano bakho.

Udinga ukuziphathisa ngomusa nothando - uhlobo olufanayo ongalubonisa umngane wakho omkhulu osesimweni esifanayo - futhi ubeke phambili ukuze ukwazi ukwelapha futhi udedele ubuhlungu obukuququdayo enhliziyweni yakho. Nazi ezinye izindlela ongakwenza ngazo zijwayeze ukuzithanda nokuzinakekela njengoba ululama ekubuyiseleni emuva kokukhashelwa umuntu obumthanda futhi umethemba ngakho konke onakho:

• Ngena ekwelashweni ukuze usebenze ngokulimala nobuhlungu
• Zinike isikhathi sokwenza izinto ezikulethela injabulo - kungaba yinoma yini ukusuka ekuqwaleni izintaba kuya ekulima engadini, ukufunda, ukulalela umculo.
• Chitha isikhathi nawe obathandayo
• Zijwayeze ukuqaphela ukuze uphule i-loop yokucabanga ngokweqile
• Zama ukwenza ijenali ukuze wenze umqondo wemizwa yakho
• Yidla kahle futhi uzivocavoce ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi impilo yakho engokomzimba ayishayeli

15. Thethelela ngokwemibandela yakho

Njengoba uqhubeka uhlala nomuntu okukhohlisile, umyeni wakho angase azizwe enecala futhi afune intethelelo. Thatha isikhathi sakho. Phila kancane futhi uzinike isikhathi sokukwenza lungiselela intethelelo. Umlingani wakho kufanele aqonde ukuthi angeke akugijimele ukuthi umxolele bese uqala kabusha. Lapha kufanele ungamnaki umyeni wakho wokukopela futhi umazise ukuthi udinga isikhathi sokusebenza ngale nkinga ngejubane lakho.

Izwi lethu lokugcina leseluleko sendlela yokubhekana nomyeni okhohlisayo uwukuba namandla ngokomzwelo ukuze ukwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezinzima. Yazi ukuthi unamandla futhi ufanelwe lonke uthando nenhlonipho emhlabeni. Ungavumeli muntu akutshele ngenye indlela. Amadoda ayakhohlisa kanjalo nabafazi. Ubudlelwano abuphelele. Okubalulekile nokho, indlela obhekana ngayo nalezi zimo futhi ukhule ube umuntu ongcono ngazo zonke. Impilo inzima kodwa mhlawumbe izama ukusifundisa isifundo.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Ukukopela Ebudlelwaneni Obude: Izimpawu Ezicashile eziyi-18

5 Abesifazane Badalula Isizathu Sokuba Bathethelele Abayeni Babo Abakopela

Amathiphu Okubhekana Nokukopela Kwemizwa Kuvela Kuchwepheshe Wezokwelapha

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.