Imibuzo Eyi-15 Yokubuza Ukuze Uphinde Wakhe Ukwethembana Ebudlelwaneni

Ngokungafani nokukhangwa, ukwethembana akuyona into engenzeka ngokuphazima kweso. Yakhiwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Futhi uma iphukile, ayivuselelwa kalula. Uma kube khona ukwephulwa kokwethembana phakathi kwakho nophathina wakho, kunemibuzo ongababuza yona - imibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni.

Ngokocwaningo, “ukwephulwa kokwethembana phakathi kobudlelwano bothando, into eyake yakushiya uphatheke kabi futhi ucasukile, kungaba lula kakhulu ukuphinde ululame kukho ngenxa yokwethembana okwakukhona kwasekuqaleni.” UFinkel (uprofesa wezengqondo e-Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences) uxoxa ngokuthi lezi zici ezintathu zokwethembana - ukubikezela, ukwethembeka nokholo - yizo ezivumela umlingani wethu ukuba abe nesibindi esikhathini esizayo okwedlule.”

Imibuzo Eyi-15 Yokubuza Ukuze Uphinde Wakhe Ukwethembana Ebudlelwaneni

Lapho uNina ethola imiyalezo yothando yomyeni wakhe uChris komunye wesifazane, akazange akholwe amehlo akhe. Wabhekana noChris ngakho futhi waxolisa kakhulu ethi kwakuyiphutha lesikhashana nokuthi wayezimisele ngakho. Futhi ukuthi owesifazane wayengasho lutho kuye. UNina wayebona ukuthi umyeni wakhe wayeqotho ekuxoliseni kwakhe, kodwa endaweni ethile wayeselahlekelwe ukholo lwakhe kuye. Wayeqala ukuzibuza ukuthi abantu bavuselela kanjani ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela.

UNina akuyena yedwa umuntu ohlangabezane nale nkinga. Izinkulungwane zabantu zizizwa ngendlela efanayo ngenkathi zicosha izingcezu zobudlelwano babo obuphukile. Futhi uma uzizwa ngendlela efanayo, nansi eminye imibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ongayibuza umlingani wakho.

1. Kwenzekeni phakathi kwethu ukuze sifinyelele kuleli zinga?

Isinyathelo sokuqala sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana emshadweni nanoma yibuphi ubuhlobo ukuphumela obala ngesigameko esidale ukuphulwa kokwethembana kwasekuqaleni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakuwukungathembeki ngokomzwelo noma ngokobulili, kubalulekile ukunikwa ithuba lokuphumela obala ngakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungase kube buhlungu kangakanani komunye noma nobabili. 

Kodwa ukwethembeka akusho ukuthi ubuza ngayo yonke imininingwane yokungathembeki kwabo, kusukela ezikhundleni zocansi abazamukela kuye emicabangweni yomlingani wakho ngomunye umuntu. Lokhu ngeke kusisize isimo.

Kunalokho buza umlingani wakho ongathembekile imibuzo efana nokuthi , “Kungani ukhohlise?” noma “Ingabe kukhona okunye okufunayo kulobu budlelwano (nawe kanye nalowo abakhohlise)?” Lokhu kuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi ukungathembeki kwakungathi sína kangakanani nokuthi nobabili nimi kuphi ebuhlotsheni. Ukubuza umlingani wakho ukuthi kwenzekeni kuzoba ngenye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu ozenzayo, okwesibili yisinqumo osenzayo sokuhlala ebuhlotsheni noma sokushiya. Kodwa ngomunye wemibuzo ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele uyibuze ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebuhlotsheni.

Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele Isiteshi sethu se-YouTube. Chofoza lapha

2. Uzizwa kanjani?

Lokhu kuhamba ngezindlela zombili. Umlingani okhohlisayo kufanele ahlole umlingani wakhe njalo, ikakhulukazi uma bobabili bezama ukuphulukisa ubuhlobo. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi, umlingani oqhathwe naye kufanele abuze umlingani wakhe lo mbuzo. Ungase uzibuze, “Kungani imizwa yomkhohlisi ibaluleke kangaka kuyilapho kucace kangaka ukuthi unephutha? Nakuba kunzima ngomuntu ukukholelwa, ukungathembeki kungase kuhlukumeze umuntu ongathembekile, ikakhulukazi uma umlingani okhohlisayo azi ukuthi akwenzile kwakungalungile, futhi manje ulahlekelwa umuntu amthandayo. Lona umbuzo omuhle ukubuzana njalo lapho uzama ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela.

Kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi umlingani okhohlisayo uzizwa kanjani. Uma bekwenza uzizwe sengathi unguwe imbangela yokungathembeki, khona-ke kungenzeka ukuthi abazisole njengoba besho. Lo mbuzo ungakusiza futhi ukuthi unqume ukuthi ubuhlobo buyafaneleka yini ukwakhiwa kabusha noma cha.

3. Ngingenzani ukuze ngikusize noma ngikwenze uzizwe ungcono?

Kuwumuntu ukwenza amaphutha. Nakuba amanye amaphutha engathethelelwa kalula, wonke umuntu ufanelwe ithuba lokwenza izinto zibe ngcono. UMabel, oneminyaka engu-33 ubudala, uhlanganyela nathi, “Ngakhohlwa ukuchelela isitshalo seJade sikaHenry futhi safa, angizange ngicabange ukuthi uHenry uzophatheka kabi kangaka, wachaza ukuthi lesi sitshalo sasiyisipho sokuthweswa iziqu esivela kugogo wakhe futhi sasisho lukhulu kuye.” Ebona iphutha lakhe, uMabel wabuza uHenry ukuthi angenza kanjani izinto zibe ngcono. Wacela uMabel ukuthi amphelezele aye kwagogo ngesikhathi esilandelayo futhi amsize ngokunakekela ingadi yakhe.

Uma uzama ukwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, lena ingenye yemibuzo ebalulekile yokuthembana okufanele uyibuze. Uma uxolisa ngobuqotho kothile , kufakazela ukuthi uzimisele ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo futhi wenze umzamo odingekayo wokuzisondeza kumlingani wakho futhi. Kubonisa isifiso sakho sokulungisa isimo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuthethelela Ukungathembeki Komlingani Wami Ukuze Ngibuyisele Impilo Yami

4. Uyangethemba ngezimfihlo zakho?

Lapho kukhulunywa ngemibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni, lena mhlawumbe ngomunye wemibuzo ejulile mayelana nokuthembana okufanele izithandani zibuzane. Umuzwa wokuziqhenya ufika lapho umlingani wakho ekubiza ngomgcini-mfihlo wakhe.

Kodwa-ke, uma nizizwa ningakhululekile ukwabelana ngezimfihlo nomunye nomunye, khona-ke kuyinto ekhathazayo ngempela. Ukwabelana ngamaphasiwedi akho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kanye nawefoni akuwona ngempela ubufakazi bokwethembana (wonke umuntu ufanelwe ubumfihlo). Ungase ube nawo wonke amaphasiwedi omlingani wakho, kodwa uma engabaza ukuthi angaba sengozini nawe, khona-ke nobabili kudingeka niqhubeke nisebenza ukuze niphinde nithembane ebudlelwaneni.

5. Ingabe kukhona ongakwazi ukukhuluma nami ngakho?

Ukuphulwa kokwethembeka kwenzeka uma kunamanga. Futhi kunezizathu eziningi zokuqamba amanga. Ungase uqambe amanga kumlingani wakho lapho wenza into ngokuvamile ethathwa njengengalungile. Kwezinye izimo, umuntu uqamba amanga lapho enomuzwa wokuthi iqiniso lizolimaza umlingani wakhe. Ngenkathi kwezinye izimo banomuzwa wokuthi ukuvuma kwabo ngeke kwamukelwe kahle.

Kungakho, mayelana nokuthembana, lona ngomunye wemibuzo ebaluleke kakhulu yokwethembana okumele uyibuze yena kanye naye ukuthi baqonde izinga lokungafihli ubudlelwano bakho obukuphethe, ukuthi umlingani wakho ukuvulela ngokunethezeka kangakanani, kanye nokuthi kukhona yini ukwahlulela kunoma yiluphi uhlangothi oluvimba umlingani oyedwa ukuthi athembeke.

6. Yiziphi izimfanelo ezintathu ozincoma kakhulu ngami?

Ngokuvamile ebudlelwaneni obuningi, njengoba umuzwa wokujwayelana ukhula phakathi kwabalingani, bavame ukuqala ukwamukelana kalula . Baba nolaka kakhulu endleleni abaziphatha ngayo komunye nomunye futhi ukungazethembi kungena ngokunyenya. Ezikhathini ezinjalo, ukubuza le mibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kuyinto engokwemvelo ngokuphelele. Eqinisweni, kufanele kukhuthazwe. Ukukhuluma ngezimfanelo ozithandayo kumlingani wakho kuzokukhumbuza isizathu sokuba uthandane naye kwasekuqaleni.

Mhlawumbe unomuzwa wokuthi abakaze bazimisele, kodwa yikhono labo lokuma ezolile ezimeni ezinzima owathandana nazo. Mhlawumbe unomuzwa wokuthi bakhetha kakhulu, kodwa ukunaka kwabo imininingwane okukuhlabe umxhwele. Ukuzivocavoca okwenza wazise umlingani wakho kuyimisebenzi ebalulekile yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni.

7. Uyangemukela njengoba ngiyikho?

Iphutha elikhulu elenziwa imibhangqwana embalwa ebudlelwaneni bayo ukuzama ukushintshana. Uma umlingani wakho ngokuvamile engumuntu onenhliziyo efudumele nonobungane, bazoba njalo kuwo wonke umuntu. Ukulindela ukuthi ngokuzumayo ahlukane nawe ngenxa yakho akulungile kuye. Ngokufanayo, uma umlingani wakho ethanda umculo, khona-ke ukulindela ukuthi ayeke isiginci sakhe ngoba nje usibheka njengokuchitha isikhala, akulungile kuye. Okubaluleke kakhulu, kudala izinkinga zokuthembana.

Uthando luwukwamukela umuntu ngendlela ayiyo. Akusho ukuthi uma umlingani wakho ebhema iketango, kufanele wamukele imikhuba yabo emibi. Kusho ukuthi udinga ukwamukela ingqikithi yomuntu nokuthi ungubani njengabantu. Abantu bafana namabhande okunwebeka. Ungazelula kuze kube manje ngaphambi kokuthi zinqamuke, noma okubi nakakhulu, ziphuke. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu balahlekelwa umkhondo waleli qiniso. Ukubuza imibuzo enjalo ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho kungakusiza uphinde uthole ukuqonda.

8. Ingabe ukhululekile ukwamukela amaphutha akho?

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kanzima kangakanani ukulungisa isimo esithile, noma ukuthi uzama kangakanani ukucosha izingcezu eziphukile zokwethembana ebudlelwaneni, akukho okuzobaluleka uma ungakwazi ukwamukela lapho wenze iphutha.

“Ingabe nikhululekile ukwamukela amaphutha enu?” ngomunye wemibuzo ejulile mayelana nokuthembana okudingeka nizibuze yona kanye nani. Kudinga ubuhlakani obuningi kanye nokuzazi ukuze namukele amaphutha enu futhi ningadlali ngokusola emdlalweni wobudlelwano . Kubonisa ukuthi nizimisele ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo wezenzo zenu futhi nizimisele ukusebenza ebudlelwaneni. Kubonakala kulula kakhulu, kodwa imisebenzi elula kangaka yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ihamba ibanga elide.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Zokuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obungathi sína

9. Abazali bakho bakubonisa kanjani ukuzinikela komunye nomunye?

Abazali bethu bangothisha bethu bokuqala. Indlela esisingatha ngayo isimo esithile, impilo, abantu, nobudlelwano yizinto esizifundayo njengoba sibuka abazali bethu besingatha okufanayo. Ngakho-ke, akumangazi ukuthi amaphethini ethu okunamathiselwe nozakwethu ngezinye izikhathi abonisa ukuzibophezela kwabazali bethu komunye nomunye.

Omunye wemibuzo ebalulekile yokwethenjwa okufanele ayibuze indlela abazali babo ababevame ukubonisa ngayo ukuzinikela (noma ukuntuleka kwakho) komunye nomunye. Futhi uma usuhlaziya lokho, uzoqonda ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho eziphatha ngendlela ethile ebuhlotsheni bakhe nawe.

10. Ingabe imibono yethu yokwethemba nokuzibophezela iyahambisana?

Futhi ingabe umehluko uyamukeleka kithi? Lena yimibuzo okufanele uyibuze ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni nomlingani wakho lapho ukwethembana sekuphelile . Babuze incazelo yabo yokuthembana nokuzibophezela. Lokho okubheka njengokwephulwa kokwethembana kungase kungafani nomlingani wakho.

UBran wayenomkhuba wokuhlola abanye besifazane, uHaley ayengakhululekile ngakho. UBran wayegcina ngokuthi wayebheka nje futhi inqobo nje uma engazange athole umzimba kwakungekona ukukopela. U-Haley waqaphela ukuthi umqondo kaBran wokwethemba nokuzibophezela wawuhluke kakhulu kuye. Engakwazi ukuyekethisa, wanquma ukuhlukana noBran. Eminyakeni emibili kamuva, wahlangana noRoger owabelana ngemibono efanayo neyakhe ngokwethembeka. Futhi manje bashadile futhi bajabule.

11. Luthini ulimi lwakho lothando?

Kunezinhlobo ezi-5 zezilimi zothando futhi ulimi lwethu oluyinhloko lothando lungase luhluke kolwabalingani bethu. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukubonisa uthando kumlingani wethu ngolimi lwabo lothando. Ukungenzi kanjalo kungaholela ekungazethembini ebudlelwaneni.

Cabanga ngalokhu, ulimi lothando lomlingani wakho luchitha isikhathi esihle futhi ulimi lwakho lothando luwukuthinta ngokomzimba. Ulokhu uthintana nabo ukuze ubonise uthando kuyilapho abafuna ukukwenza ukubuka ifilimu nawe. Banesibopho sokuthola umbono ongalungile futhi bacabange ukuthi ukuwo ngenxa nje yocansi. Lapho imibuzo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ithinteka, ngokuqinisekile udinga ukuyibuza lena, ukuze nobabili nikwazi ukubhekelela izidingo zomunye nomunye ngangokunokwenzeka.

12. Yini okufanele siyenze ukuze sigweme ukwephulwa kokwethembeka esikhathini esizayo?

Uma ubhekene nobunzima ebudlelwaneni ngenxa yokungathembeki komuntu, kunzima kakhulu ukulungisa izinkinga zokuthembana ezivela kukho. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungcono ukubuza umlingani othintekile ngqo ukuthi ufuna ukusindisa kanjani isibopho. Ukubuza imibuzo enjalo kusiza ekwakheni kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela.

Ukungagcini ifoni ibheke phansi. Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi utshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uyaphi nokuthi uhlangana nobani, okungenani kuze kube yilapho ukwethembana sekuphinde kwaqina. Ukunciphisa yonke imisebenzi onomuzwa wokuthi izokufaka esilingweni noma ibeke engcupheni ubudlelwano bakho. Imisebenzi enjalo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni izokwaziswa ngempela ngumlingani wakho.

13. Ungakwazi yini ukuzethemba?

Kunezinhlobo ezimbili zokwethemba, eyodwa oyizwelayo ngomunye umuntu kanye nozizwela wena ngokwakho - okwaziwa nangokuthi ukuzethemba. Lolu hlobo lokwethemba lubaluleke kakhulu. Futhi ukuzethemba kuhambisana nokuzazi.

UStella, umdidiyeli oneminyaka engu-28, uyahlanganyela, “Kube nemibuzo ejulile mayelana nokwethenjwa okwadingeka ngizibuze yona ngemva kokwephula ukwethenjwa komngane wami womshado: Ngingazethemba?

 14. Kungani ufuna ukuvuselela ukwethembana kwethu?

Ngokuvamile, umuntu uyaqhubeka nokuhlala ebuhlotsheni lapho umlingani wakhe ekhaphele khona ukumethemba, hhayi ngenxa yothando kodwa ngenxa yezinye izici ezinjengezingane, ingcindezi yomphakathi, noma ngisho nokwesaba okusobala nokulula kwesimo esingajwayelekile ngemva kokuhlukana.

Omunye wemibuzo okudingeka uyibuze ngaphambi kokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni uthi: Iyini imbangela yokuthi uqhubeke uhlala nomlingani wakho? Uma impendulo ingeyona uthando nothando futhi ufuna ngempela ukunika ubudlelwano ithuba lesibili , khona-ke isibopho asifanele ukulondolozwa. Uma uzidela ngenxa yenzuzo yabanye, khona-ke kuyisibonakaliso esibomvu sobudlelwano bakho.

15. Ungakucabangela yini ukwelulekwa kwabashadile?

Kuningi ukucwaswa okuhambisana nokufuna usizo mayelana nobudlelwano. Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi kuyinkambo efanele, ikakhulukazi lapho nobabili nizama ukwenza ubudlelwano busebenze kodwa ningakwazi ukuphuma obishini olubi.

Inqubo yokwakha kabusha ukwethembana ingaba buhlungu kakhulu kubo bobabili, umuntu okhohlisiwe kanye nomuntu obeke engcupheni ubudlelwano. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungcono ukuthola usizo lochwepheshe oqeqeshiwe. Umuntu ongakusiza ukuxazulula nokubhekana nale mizwa engcolile. Uma ubhekene nezinkinga zokuthembana, awuwedwa. Abantu abafuna usizo ngezinkinga zokuthembana bavame ukukwazi ukubuyisa umuzwa wokuthembana kwabanye ngokubeluleka. Lokhu kungathuthukisa ubudlelwano babo kanye nomuzwa wenhlalakahle jikelele. Abeluleki be-Bonobology basize abantu abaningi ukuba baphile impilo engcono ngokubeluleka online futhi nawe ungakusebenzisa.

Ubudlelwano obuzibophezele budinga umzamo omkhulu. Ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni kuwumthwalo wabo bonke abathintekayo kubo. Nakuba usakha kabusha ukwethembana emshadweni noma kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo, uma uqala ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi nguwe wedwa owenza wonke umzamo, khona-ke kungcono ukukuyeka. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ekuqaleni.

Ubudlelwano obungenathemba abunalo ukwethembeka. Uma ufisa ngempela ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi uqale ngokuthatha isikhala bese usebenza ekuthetheleleni. Ngisho noma ungakwazi ukukhohlwa, thethelela. Ukuzama ukulungisa ubuhlobo ngenkathi ubambe igqubu ngeke kusize ngalutho. Kuzoba isisekelo esintengantengayo sokwakha ubuhlobo.

Yakha kabusha Umshado Wakho Ngesikhathi Sekwehlukana Ngalawa Amathiphu angu-13

Ukulungisa Ubudlelwane Obunobuthi - Izindlela Ezingu-21 Zokuphulukisa NGOKUBAMBA

Izinyathelo Eziyisi-7 Zokuhlakulela Ukuvumelana Ebudlelwaneni - Uchwepheshe Uyakutshela

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.