Akekho ongena ebudlelwaneni obusha ecabanga ukuthi ngelinye ilanga kuzophela. Nokho, kujwayelekile ukuthi abalingani bahlukane. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani uma ubudlelwano buphelile, ukuhlola okuncane kuzokwenza impendulo icace. Ungase uzizwe uvaleleke ebudlelwaneni izinsuku. Ungase ubhekane nokungakhululeki okushisayo, isifiso sokukhululeka, kanye nenkinga yokuthi uhlale noma uhambe.
Ubudlelwano bungafinyelela eqophelweni lapho ukungaqiniseki kukhula khona, okubonisa ukuphela okungenzeka. Lapho ubuhlobo bufinyelela esiphethweni salo, umuzwa wokukhululeka ngezinye izikhathi ungasibekela usizi. Kodwa-ke, ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwesimo esinzima nesiphetho sangempela kubalulekile. Empeleni, kunezibonakaliso ezicacile nezicashile zokuthi ubudlelwano obuzibophezele bungase buphele, noma ngabe usabambelele ethembeni. Ngemibono evela kuDhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), ogxile ebuhlotsheni, ukuhlukana, kanye nokwelulekwa kwe-LGBTQ, ake sibheke ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani lokho kanye.
Indlela Yokwazi Uma Ubudlelwano Sebuphelile?
Okuqukethwe
Ngakho, wazi kanjani lapho ubuhlobo phezu? Hhayi-ke, ubudlelwano abupheli ngokuphazima kweso. Kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano, ukuwohloka kungena ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, okuthi, uma kungalungiswa, kuhlukanise abalingani. Njengoba ubudlelwano buwohloka, izimpawu ziqala ukubonakala, kodwa ukukhohlwa isikhumbuzo kungase kungabi olunye lwezimpawu ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho buphelile. Kodwa-ke, uma umlingani wakho ehlala eyiziba imizwa yakho, egwema izingxoxo ezinengqondo, noma engakwazi ukuthola into enivumelana ngayo, lokho kuyifulegi elibomvu futhi ungase uzithole uzibuza njalo, "Ingabe ubuhlobo bami buphelile?"
UDhriti uthi, “Lapho imizwa yangempela inganakwa futhi ukukhulumisana kunqamuka, kungase kubonise ukuphela. Esikhundleni sokwandisa ubuhlungu, ingxoxo eqotho iyadingeka ukuze kuvinjelwe ukulimala okwengeziwe.” Ukuze ugweme ubuhlobo obungenazibopho , ukwazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho buphelile kubalulekile, kanye nezizathu zokuhlukana. Uma usala uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe kufanele ngihlukane nesoka lami (noma intombi yami)?”, uDhriti uphakamisa lezi zimpawu ezingu-25 ezingase zibonise ubudlelwano obungaphumeleli:
1. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana
Ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho kuwumgogodla wobudlelwano obunempilo. Kusukela ekwabelaneni ngemininingwane emincane kuya emicabangweni yakho emnyama, ejulile – yindlela owakha ngayo isibopho esiqinile. UDhriti uthi, “Indlela evame kakhulu ukuntula ukukhulumisana okuzibonakalisa ngayo ebuhlotsheni yilapho inhloso yokukhulumisana ibonakala isilahleka.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-12 Ezifanele Zokuqeda Ubudlelwano – Kungakhathaliseki Ukuthi Umhlaba Uthini
2. Uhlala uzizwa unesidingo sokubaleka
Kunoma yiluphi ubudlelwano obunempilo , abalingani ngokwemvelo balangazelela ukuchitha isikhathi nomunye nomunye, njalo lapho bethola ithuba. Ngisho noma ukuba ndawonye kusho ukucasha nokubukela i-Netflix. UDhriti uthi, “Isifiso sokubaleka ngokuvamile sivela ezizathwini ezimbili eziyinhloko. Okokuqala, awuzizwa ukhululekile ngokusondelana noma ukuba sengozini nomlingani wakho; kanti okwesibili, unomuzwa wokuthi ukuba nomlingani wakho sekuphenduke okungaphephile enhlalakahleni yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo.” Noma ngabe yikuphi, lesi sidingo sokubaleka kufanele sibe uphawu olwesabekayo lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho cishe buya ekupheleni.
3. Konke enikubonayo kungamaphutha komunye nomunye
Iluphi uphawu olukhombisa ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buphelile? Uma nobabili nithola amaphutha kukho konke omunye umuntu akwenzayo noma akushoyo, ningaqiniseka ukuthi izinto zizoya eningizimu maduze. Lapho ubungabuboni lutho ngaphandle kobuhle nokukhanga, manje ungase uthole izinto ezifanayo zingafaneleki. Uma lokhu sekuqala ukwenzeka, akulona uphawu oluhle ebudlelwaneni benu futhi ungase uzithole usubuza, “Ingabe ubuhlobo bami buphelile?”
Ngokusho kukaDhriti, lo mkhuba wokuthola amaphutha uvame ukuba umphumela wokucasuka ebudlelwaneni . Uthi, “Uqala ukuthola amaphutha lapho uthando luphela. Ukuthola amaphutha kuwumphumela oqondile wezinkinga ezithile ezingaxazululwanga okungenzeka ukuthi zishiye ubuhlobo bakho bunomonakalo unomphela. Kangangoba awukwazi ukuthethelela nokukhohlwa, futhi izinkinga zimboze zonke izici ezicacile zobudlelwano.”
4. Ukuntula ukusondelana
Lena enye yezimpendulo zombuzo wakho: “Wazi kanjani ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile?” Izikhathi eziningi, abalingani bayahluleka ukuqonda ukuthi kwenzekani engqondweni yomunye umuntu. Ngangisebudlelwaneni beminyaka emibili futhi konke kwakuhamba kahle. Ngolunye usuku oluhle, ngaqaphela ukuthi ngizizwa ngikude nomlingani wami, njengokungathi akukho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba . Uma ngibheka emuva, kwakungelona ushintsho oluzumayo kodwa inqubo eyenzeka kancane kancane sobabili esakhetha ukuyishaya indiva. Ngangilokhu ngizibuza ukuthi ngizohlukana nini kwaze kwaba yilapho ekugcineni ngihlukana.
U-Dhriti uthi, “Ukuntuleka kokusondelana kuvusa ikhanda ngezindlela eziningi ezihlukene.Kungaba ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba, ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, noma kokubili.Kodwa okufanele kuphawulwe ukuthi lokhu kuvelaphi.Futhi ukwazi isikhathi sokuhlukana nobuhlobo kubalulekile uma buphikelela ngendlela engenakulungiseka.
"Uma ukuntula ukusondelana kuvela endaweni yokungabi nantshisekelo noma yokuntuleka nomdlandla, kungasho kahle ukuthi udonsa isidumbu sobudlelwano. Kodwa, ngokuphambene nalokho, uma kuvela ekuhlukumezekeni okudlule okuholela ezinkingeni ezinjengokukhathazeka ngokusebenza noma ukwesaba ukusondelana ngokomzimba, kungasho into ehluke ngokuphelele ebuhlotsheni." Kufanele uhlole umthombo walokhu kushoda kokusondelana ngaphambi kokukhetha indlela yesikhathi esizayo yobudlelwano.
5. Ukuxhumana kufana nokulwa
Uzithola uzibuza ukuthi, “Kungani ubudlelwano bami buzizwa bungahambi kahle ?” Uyakhumbula lezo zingxoxo ezilula owawunazo? Manje, kuzwakala sengathi yonke inkulumo encane iphenduka impi enkulu. Nobabili nisenkingeni, nesaba ukuthi noma yini eniyishoyo ingase iholele empikiswaneni. Kufana nokuhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda.
Impela, ukungaboni ngaso linye kuyenzeka, kodwa uma yonke ingxoxo iphela ngokulwa, kuba nenkinga. Bheka ujule - izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe zingase zidale lokhu kushuba. Uma uke wazama ukulungisa izinto futhi izingxabano zilokhu ziza, kungase kubonise ukuphela kobudlelwane bakho. Ngakho-ke, lokhu kungase kube esinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani nihlukana.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-9 Okufanele Uzenze Lapho Ingxoxo Yonke Iphenduka Ingxabano
6. Usucabange ngokuqeda ubuhlobo izikhathi eziningana
Uma ubulokhu uzibuza ukuthi, “ Ingabe kufanele ngihlukane nesoka lami (noma intombi yami)?” Sekuyisikhathi eside manje, unayo impendulo yakho. Kungenzeka ukuthi kunjalo ngoba ingqondo yakho engaphansi kwengqondo isivele iyazi ukuthi ubudlelwano benu buyaphela kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi awukakwamukeli. Nazi izimpawu ezimbalwa zobudlelwano benu uma uhlala ucabanga ngokuhlukana:
- Lokhu kusikisela ukunganeliseki kanye nokuntuleka kwethemba lentuthuko
- Kubonisa ukulahlekelwa ukutshalwa kwezimali ngokomzwelo kanye nokugxila kokubi
- Lokhu kusho nokuthi ukwethembana noma ukuxhumana okujulile kungenzeka kucekeleke phansi
- Ibonisa isimo sengqondo esigxile ekugcineni kunezixazululo noma ukulungisa izinkinga
- Kubonisa ukuthi ubuhlobo kungenzeka bulahlekelwe injabulo noma ukugcwaliseka ngokomzwelo
7. Awusazizwa uphephile ebudlelwaneni
Usazibuza ukuthi, “Wazi kanjani ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile?” Ukuzizwa ungaphephile noma usongelwa phambi komlingani othandana naye kuyisibonakaliso esibi esithusayo futhi esinye sezibonakaliso ezinkulu zobudlelwano obuwohlokayo. Akudingeki kube nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba ukuze uzizwe ungaphephile ebudlelwaneni. Kodwa-ke, uDhriti uthi, “Awuzizwa uphephile ebudlelwaneni ngokuvamile ngoba noma ukubonakaliswa kwakho okulula kokungakhululeki kuhlangatshezwana nokusabela okuqhumayo, noma umlingani wakho ukuphoqa ukuba ubhekane nezimo ezikushiya uzizwa ungaphephile futhi ungavikelekile kaningi.”
Njengoba lo msebenzisi we-Reddit abelana, “Ngabelane ngezinto eziningana zesikhathi sami esidlule nesoka lami kusihlwa engangingazabelananga ngazo ngaphambili, njengoba ziyingxenye yempilo yami engisebenze kanzima ukuyikhohlwa (ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi). Izimpendulo zakhe zazisukela ku-“Kungani ungazange wenze i-xyz?” Kuya ku-“Ngangizokwenza i-abc”. Sengiqala ukuzizwa sengathi angisaphephile ngokomzwelo.”
8. Abaseyena umuntu othanda ukuya kuye
Uzibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile ? Nokho, uma kwenzeka into enhle noma embi ngendlela engakholeki kuwe, kodwa ungafuni ukuyabelana nomlingani wakho, lokho kungaba uphawu lokuthi sekuphelile. Ake sithathe isipiliyoni somngane wami u-Abraham njengesibonelo. Wayekade ethandana noJulia iminyaka emithathu edlule futhi babengahlukani. Ngolunye usuku, wangishayela ucingo ethi uzoyeka umsebenzi wakhe athuthele e-LA.
Lapho ngibuza ukuthi uthini uJulia ngakho, wathi, “Bengingakayihlanganisi naye, kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi akanandaba ngempela.” Ngaleso sikhathi, ngangazi ukuthi sebeqedile. Bayiqede ngokusemthethweni ngesonto elilandelayo ngombhalo. Uma umlingani wakho engeyena umuntu wokuqala ombizele ukugubha noma ukwesekwa, noma ukuvele ukhulule amandla ngokuphepha, ukugwema kokuphela kubonakala sengathi sekucacile.
9. Uke wakhohlisa umlingani wakho noma uke wajabulisa umcabango
Uma uzibuza ukuthi uzohlukana nini, lokhu kungaba yisizathu esifanele. Ukuzizwa ukhangwa ngomunye umuntu okwesikhashana ngisho noma usebudlelwaneni obuzinikele, obuhlala isikhathi eside akuyona into engavamile. Kodwa-ke, uma uke wenza ngokuvumelana naleyo mizwa noma waba nomqondo wokukhohlisa umlingani wakho , ungase uqede ubuhlobo bakho bese uzibuza, “Ingabe ubuhlobo bami buphelile?”
Uphawu lokuqala lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho sebuphelile kungaba yilawa mazwi abhalwe ngumsebenzisi weReddit , “Akunandaba ukuthi i-SO yakho iyakukhohlisa. Uma ungakwazi ukuthemba umlingani wakho nomuntu omaziyo wobulili obuhlukile, noma uma ucabanga ukuthi usezokopela – ubudlelwano benu sebuphelile kakade.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-8 Zokulungisa Ubuhlobo Obuphukile Nesoka Lakho
10. Ukucabanga ngama-ex kuyinkomba
Uke wachitha isikhathi eside ucabanga ngowakwakho muva nje? Mhlawumbe, lowo ophunyukile. Ingabe uzithola uqhathanisa ubuhlobo bakho bamanje nobesikhathi esidlule? Futhi ingabe empeleni ucabanga ukuthi ubungcono nomunye walabo owakwakho?
UDhriti uthi, “Uma uzithola ucabanga noma uphupha ngempilo yakho nomuntu owake wathandana naye, kumane kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho bamanje abunelisi ngokwanele kuwe. Futhi uma ngemva kwemizamo eminingi yokuxhumana ngale ndlela, usasele nemicabango yokuthi owayekade eshade naye ungcono, kungase kube isikhathi sokuhlukana kwakho.”
11. Ukuthukuthela noma ukucasuka sekuphenduke isimo sakho esizenzakalelayo
Awukhumbuli ukuthi wagcina nini ukuzizwa ujabule, ukhululekile, futhi uthandana? Ingabe ukufingqa ubuso kube yindlela ozizwa ngayo? Ingabe uhlala uzizwa intukuthelo ikhukhumala ngaphakathi kuwe? Ingabe umcabango othi “Ngicabanga ukuthi ubuhlobo bami buphelile” ufike ekhanda lakho izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa? Khona-ke kungenzeka ukuthi ubuhlobo buyafa. Uma uzizwa uvaleleke ebudlelwaneni noma ulimele, ucasukile, noma uthukuthelele umlingani wakho, kungenye yezimpawu zobudlelwano bakho obuphelile.
Nansi indlela yokwazi uma ubudlelwano buphelile ngenxa yalokhu kubi okungapheli:
- Imizwa engemihle ephikelelayo ingabonisa izinkinga ezijulile
- Kwakha isimo sokungakhululeki nokushuba
- Izingxabano ezivamile ngaphandle kwesixazululo zilimaza ubuhlobo
- Lapho imizwa engemihle ibusa, kuba nzima ukuthola injabulo ndawonye
- Kubonisa ukuwohloka kokuxhumana nokuqonda
- Ukungajabuli okubonakala kungapheli kuvame ukukhomba ukuphela kobudlelwano
12. Usonqenqemeni lokuwohloka ngokomzwelo
Usazibuza ukuthi uzoyeka nini ubudlelwano? Mhlawumbe lapho konke lokho kulwa, ukucindezeleka, kanye nokungajabuli kuqala ukuthinta impilo yakho yengqondo, usala ungenayo indlela enempilo yokuxhumana . Uhlala uzizwa sengathi usengcupheni yokuwohloka ngokomzwelo futhi ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho kuyinto yokugcina ofuna ukuyenza. Uhlala uzibuza, “Ingabe kufanele ngihlukane nesoka lami (noma intombi yami)?” Siyakubona!
UDhriti uthi, “Ukuwohloka kwemizwelo kuwumphumela wokucindezeleka okukhulu okuba khona uma othile ezame konke okusemandleni akhe ukuze azuze okuthile futhi wehluleka.” Ngakho, uma ubuhlobo benu buye baba umthombo oqhubekayo wokucindezeleka esikhundleni sokuba umthombo wenduduzo, owanelisayo, nothando, sekuyisikhathi sokuba nihlukane nabo.”
13. Izinkinga zokwethenjwa zisezingeni eliphezulu
Esinye isibonakaliso sokwazi lapho ubuhlobo buphelile. Ake ucabange ubuhlobo obunjengebhuloho eliqinile elakhelwe phezu kokwethembana. Uma ukukopela noma amanga aqhubekayo eba yingxenye yezwe, kufana nokuthola imifantu kusisekelo sebhuloho. Umngane wami u-Emma wayenesoka lakhe, uMark, iminyaka engu-5. U-Emma, owake waba umuntu ozimele ogcwele impilo, nokho wayeseba buthuntu nokulawula. Ngobunye ubusuku, mina naye sahlangana siziphuzele ikhofi kuyilapho uMark ephumile nabangane bakhe.
U-Emma wayephazamisekile futhi engakhululekile. Wayelokhu ehlola ifoni yakhe futhi emthumelela umyalezo ukuze athole ukuthi ukuphi. Lapho ngimbuza ngakho, wathi, “Akusenjalo. Amanga amancane manje asephenduke amakhulu futhi angikwazi ukumethemba. Konke akushoyo kubonakala kungamanga kimi. Wazi kanjani ukuthi ubuhlobo abusebenzi ? Ingabe lokhu kuyisibonakaliso?”
Engangikusho nje ukuthi, “Lapho izinkinga zokwethembana ziqala kancane kancane, kuyacaca ukuthi ubudlelwano kungenzeka akusafanele ukulondolozwa.” Kwakudabukisa ukubona ukuwohloka kokuthile okubaluleke kangaka esibophweni sabo kanye nesiphetho esiseduze sobudlelwano.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Eziyi-11 Ezenzeka Ebudlelwaneni Ngaphandle Kokwethembana
14. Inhlansi iye yaphuma
Isikhathi sokuyeka ubuhlobo sincike ngokuphelele kumbhangqwana. Uyabona, wonke umbhangqwana uya ehla nasenyuka. Iziqephu ezimbi, ukulwa, ukuxabana - konke lokhu kuyingxenye yephakheji. Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, imibhangqwana ithola indlela yokuzulazula kulezi ziphonso ezinezivunguvungu ngoba inhlansi phakathi kwabo isaphila kakhulu.
UDhriti uthi, “Izimvemvane nokwethuka ekugcineni kuzophuma ukujwayelana nokunethezeka, kodwa okubalulekile inhloso. Uma inhloso yokwenza omunye nomunye azizwe ejabule futhi ethandwa iphela, ungase ucabange ukuqeda ubuhlobo.”
15. Awuliboni ikusasa ndawonye
Uyambona umlingani wakho ezinhlelweni zakho zesikhathi esizayo? Uma kungenjalo, kungaba esinye sezibonakaliso ezibalulekile zobudlelwano obuwohlokayo . Ukuba nekusasa ndawonye yikho okunikeza ubudlelwano umuzwa wesiqondiso. Nakuba lezi ziqondiso zingase zishintshe ngokungalindelekile, ubuhle balokho ukuba nomlingani eceleni kwakho njengoba uhamba empilweni futhi ucabanga ngalokho okulandelayo.
Wazi kanjani uma ubudlelwano kungasebenzi ngoba izinhlelo zakho azihambisani? Nazi izimpawu ezibalulekile ezimbalwa:
- Amaphupho nemigomo obukade uyidala ngokuhlanganyela iyashabalala, okukhombisa ukushintsha kobudlelwane
- Uma izingxoxo ngekusasa zizizwa ziphoqelekile noma zigwenywa ngokuphelele, kungase kubonise ukuntula umdlandla noma ukuzibophezela.
- Imigomo nezinhlelo eziqondaniswe ekuqaleni ziye zahluka, okuholele ezindleleni ezingqubuzanayo
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Uyakwazi Ukuzwa Lapho Umuntu Ekuthanda? Izinto Eziyi-9 Ongase Uzizwe
16. Abanye bahamba phambili empilweni yakho
Esinye sezizathu zokuhlukana ukunganakwa kobudlelwano. Kungaba umndeni, abangane, osebenza nabo, noma izilwane ezifuywayo - wonke umuntu uthatha indawo yomlingani wakho. Futhi yileyo ndlela yokwazi ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile nini. Ungathanda kakhulu ukuphuma ebusuku nabangani bakho, ukuya kulowo mhlangano nabantu osebenza nabo, noma ukuya edilini likaKhisimusi nonina kunokwenza noma yini nomlingani wakho.
UDhriti uthi, "Lena akuyona neze into eshaqisayo ngaphandle uma lokhu kuyintuthuko yakamuva ezenzweni zakho kumlingani wakho. Uma kamuva nje ukugwema ukuba nophathina wakho, kudinga ukucabangisisa kahle." Uma ulahlekelwe yinjabulo nokuzimisela ukuba nabo futhi nixazulule izinkinga, mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuthi nihlukane.
17. Uyawuzwa emathunjini
Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuqala kwezinkinga ebudlelwaneni akubonakali, kepha kuba nomuzwa wesisu. Ngeke ukwazi ukubeka umunwe wakho kuyo ngoba izwakala ingaxabani, kodwa kukhona okuvaliwe. Kunalo mqondo obeleselayo wokuthi izinto azilungile nokuthi kukhona okushintshile. Kufana nokushelela kancane ekwehleni, lapho nje wazi kahle ukuthi ubudlelwano benu abusafani nakuqala.
UDhriti uthi, “Akudingekile ukuba ukwazi ukukhomba inkinga, iqiniso lokuthi uzizwa ungenalutho lapho ucabanga ngobuhlobo kuyisizathu esanele sokuma kancane futhi ucabange.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinto Ezi-7 Okungekho Okutshela Zona Ngokuhlukana
18. Ubhorekile ebudlelwaneni
Yebo, injabulo yokuqala kanye nobumnandi bothando kuyaphela ngemva kwesikhathi esithile, kubo bonke ubudlelwano. Niyakhululeka, nikhululeke kakhudlwana komunye nomunye. Kodwa-ke, uma lo muzwa wejubane elizinzile elihambisana nesigqi usuthathelwe indawo yisithukuthezi ebudlelwaneni futhi uzizwa ukhathele, kuwuphawu lokuthi izinto azihambi kahle phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho.
Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu zokuqala ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho buya ngasekupheleni. Njengoba uDhriti esho, “Isithukuthezi ebuhlotsheni sibangelwa ibanga elingokomzwelo nokungabi nasithakazelo.” Okuphambene nothando akuyona inzondo, kodwa kuwukungabi nasithakazelo. Futhi uma uzibuza ukuthi uzobuyeka nini ubudlelwano, lokhu kungase kube utshani lokugcina.
19. Awukakulungeli ukulungisa izinkinga zakho
Ingabe 'Kungani ubudlelwano bami buzizwa bungahambi kahle?' bekulokhu kucatshangwa njalo muva nje? Uma oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bengazimisele ukwenza umsebenzi wokuxazulula izinkinga zabo, umbhalo ucishe uthambekele odongeni. Wena, umlingani wakho, noma nobabili seniphumile ebudlelwaneni kakade. Anizimisele ukwenza umzamo wokulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile . Mhlawumbe, usuvele wazi ukuthi akusekho lutho olusele lokulungisa.
20. Uzizwa uwedwa ngisho nindawonye
Naphezu kwemizamo yakho yokubambelela, kunesizungu esihlala sikhona ngisho noma nindawonye. Umuntu oseceleni kwakho uzizwa eyisihambi, futhi ukuxhumana obukade ukwazisa kubonakala kukude. Lapho ukulangazelela ukuxhumana okudlule kunamandla, kodwa iqiniso lokuthi "Ngicabanga ukuthi ubuhlobo bami buphelile" bubonakala, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi ubuhlobo bakho busemilenzeni yokugcina.
21. Akekho noyedwa kini olungele ukwenza isivumelwano
Esinye sezibonakaliso zokungathandi uthando ukungathandi ukuyekethisa. Lapho wena nomlingani wakho nifika eqophelweni lapho ukwabelana ngemicabango sekuyivelakancane, yonke ingxoxo iphela ngokuphazamiseka, futhi akekho ofuna ukuvuma noma ukubona izinto ngombono womunye umuntu, kuyisibonakaliso esikhulu sokuthi ubuhlobo busenkingeni. Ningase nizithole niphila izimpilo ezihlukene futhi ninemigomo namaphupho ahlukene. Kuzwakala sengathi nikhuluma izilimi ezahlukene futhi anisakwazi ukubonana iso neso.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuzidela Ebudlelwaneni - Nini, Yini Futhi Kangakanani?
22. Ushaye udonga naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle yokulwenza lusebenze
Kungenzeka ukuthi usenayo imizwa ngomlingani wakho futhi kungenzeka ukuthi uzame ukumtshela okuningi, kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi ushaye udonga ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwesinye isikhathi, naphezu kokwabelana ngemicabango nokuzama konke okusemandleni akho ukubuyisana, umlingani wakho angase abonakale ekude. Manje, kungenzeka ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani naye (noma naye). Nansi indlela yokwazi uma ubudlelwano buphelile ngoba ibanga phakathi kwenu nobabili libonakala lingenakunqotshwa:
- Umlingani wakho akabuyiseli imizwa yakho noma abelane ngemizwa yakhe
- Bayakududuza kodwa abalokothi bavule imizwa yabo
- Naphezu kwemizamo yokuyenza isebenze, ikhona akukho ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo
23. Kukhona omunye
UDhriti uthi, “Uma umuntu efuna ukwaneliseka ayekuthole ebuhlotsheni bakhe kwenye indawo, kusobala ukuthi ubudlelwano bakhe bungaphansi kokucindezeleka okukhulu. Lokhu cishe kuyisibonakaliso esiphelele sokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buyafa. Uma wena noma umlingani wakho ninomunye umuntu enibona ikusasa lothando naye, nginganeluleka ukuthi nihambe ngezindlela zenu ezihlukene ngaphambi kokuba izinto ezifana nezimpawu zokuzizwa unecala zokukhohlisa zenze izinto zibe nzima kakhulu.”
Ubudlelwano bumayelana nokuthola uthando nokwaneliseka kwasekuqaleni, akunjalo? Kusobala ukuthi uma izidingo eziyisisekelo zobudlelwano zingekho, akukho okuningi okusele kukho.
24. Senihlukene phakathi
Kulungile ukuba nesikhala somuntu siqu ebudlelwaneni ngezikhathi ezithile. Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bayahlukana kancane, kodwa bathola indlela yabo yokubuyela emuva. Kodwa uma lelo banga lizwakala likhulu, futhi ukubuya ndawonye kubonakala kungenakwenzeka, kungasho ukuthi ukuphela kobudlelwano akunakugwenywa. Ngaphansi kwezimo ezinjalo, kungcono ukuchitha amandla akho kwenye indawo kunokwenza imizamo engenamsebenzi yokusindisa into esivele ihambile.
25. Ukwelapha kubonakala kuyize
Olunye lwezimpawu zokuqeda uthando yilapho ukwelapha kungasasebenzi. Impela, imibhangqwana ivame ukuphendukela ezindleleni ezintsha ezifana nokwelashwa ukuze kulungiswe ubudlelwano babo ngokufuna isiqondiso namathuluzi okuzulazula ukungezwani kwabo. Kufana nokuthola imephu yomgwaqo ukuze niqondane kangcono futhi nixazulule izinkinga.
Uma ukhetha ukungayi ekwelashweni, ngoba awusafuni ukubhaxabula ihhashi elifile, sincane indawo yenkulumompikiswano yokuthi ubudlelwano buphelile. Kwesinye isikhathi, uzibona uwedwa, futhi kwesinye isikhathi udinga usizo lokuthola impendulo yokuthi — “Wazi kanjani uma ubudlelwano kungasebenzi?” Ekugcineni, kukuwe ukuthi wamukele ubukhulu bomehluko bese unquma ukuthi iyiphi indlela ongathanda ukuya ngayo phambili.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Ezi-7 Zokuthi Ukuqomisana Kwanamuhla Kubi Futhi Indlela Yokubhekana Nakho
Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Ubona Izimpawu Ubudlelwano Sebuphelile
Kunoma ibuphi ubudlelwano, ukubona izimpawu eziyisihluthulelo ezingase zifinyelele esiphethweni kuyisikhathi esibalulekile. Kodwa-ke, akukhona nje ukukhomba lezi zimpawu, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuphatha lesi sigaba esibucayi ngokuzwela nokucabangela. Indlela ozulazula ngayo phakathi nalesi sikhathi esibucayi ingaba nomthelela omkhulu hhayi nje ukwazi ukuthi ubushiya nini ubuhlobo kodwa futhi ikusize ugcine ukukhula kwakho komuntu siqu kanye nempilo enhle ngokomzwelo. Nazi izinyathelo ezinhlanu ezibalulekile okufanele uzithathe lapho lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso ziba sobala:
- Ukuzicabangela wena ngokwakho: Thatha isikhathi sokuhlola ukuxhumana kwakho ngokomzwelo kanye nemizwa yakho nemicabango mayelana nobudlelwano, ukuqonda lokho okudingayo ngempela nokudingayo
- Ukuxhumana okuvulekile: Iba nengxoxo eqotho, evulelekile nomlingani wakho mayelana nokukukhathazayo nemizwa yakho ukuze uthole ukucaciseleka futhi ungathola isisombululo
- Funa usekelo: Xhumana nabangane, umndeni, noma umelaphi ukuze uthole isiqondiso nokusekelwa ngokomzwelo ngalesi sikhathi esiyinselele
- Gxila ekuzinakekeleni: Beka kuqala inhlalakahle yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo ngokwenza izinto ezikulethela injabulo nokuphumula
- Hlela ukuvalwa ngemva kokuhlukana: Uma uzibuza ukuthi uhlukana kanjani nomuntu omthandayo, sizokucela ukuthi ulungiselele ukuphela kobudlelwano ngokuhlela izinto kanye nokucabangela izinyathelo ezingokoqobo zokuhlukana noma ukuya phambili ngokuzimela.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano, uma bufika esiphethweni, kuhlale kunezimpawu, ezinye ezicashile, ezinye zicacile, ukuthi liyafa. Uma uyekile ukukhuluma, uhlale ulwa, noma uzizwa ukude, lobo ubuhlobo bakho obuphephezelisa ifulegi elibomvu
- Uma uzizwa ungaphephile, uthukuthele ngaso sonke isikhathi, uphupha ngobudlelwano obudlule, unezinkinga zokwethembana, ungenazo izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo, uzizwa uthukuthela, noma unesizungu nje, lezo yizimpawu zokuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi.
- Lapho izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zifika ekhaya, khuluma ngakho, funa ukusekelwa, futhi ulungiselele ukuphuma ngomusa. Inhlalakahle yakho ibaluleke kakhulu
Uma uzama ukuthola impendulo ethi “Yisiphi isibonakaliso sokuqala sokuthi ubuhlobo bakho buphelile?” zibuze ukuthi uhlobene yini neningi lalezi zimpawu. Mhlawumbe, uzokwazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho sebuphelile kakade. Uma kunjalo, kungcono ukuyeka manje ukuze wena nomlingani wakho nibe nethuba lokushintsha impilo yenu. Kungcono ukujabula ninodwa kunokuba nosizi ndawonye! Usazibuza ukuthi ubuhlobo benu bufanele yini ukulondolozwa, noma ukuthi ungahlukana kanjani nomuntu omthandayo? Nokho, uma udinga usizo ngokusindisa ubuhlobo bakho noma ukuqhubeka ngemva kokuqeda ubuhlobo, ungahlola izinsizakalo zokwelulekwa zeBonobology . Ukuthi kufanele nihlukane nini (noma nini) kuncike ngokuphelele kumbhangqwana, kodwa usizo oluncane endleleni alulimazi muntu!
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ezinye izimpawu zokuphela kobudlelwano yilapho kukhona igebe lokuxhumana, ukuntuleka kokusondelana ngokomzimba, kanye nokuntuleka kwemigomo efanayo yesikhathi esizayo.
Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani uma ubudlelwano buphelile, yilapho umlingani wakho ezakhela udonga olumzungezile ongeke ukwazi ukungena naphezu kwemizamo yakho eqhubekayo. Anisebenzi izinkinga zenu ndawonye, kodwa nigxile emaphutheni; yiba nokulwa njalo; futhi kukhona umuzwa wesithukuthezi nesidingo sokubaleka. Kulapho ulokhu ucabanga kakhulu ngama-ex akho, ukhangwa abanye abantu, futhi unomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo buwumthwalo.
Uma ubudlelwano bakho sebuphelile, kufanele wazi ukuthi ufuna ukuzama ukusindisa ubuhlobo noma ufuna ukubuyeka.
Uyazi ukuthi umlingani wakho uphezu kwakho lapho uzizwa uqhelelene naye ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba. Kulapho bengenakho ukuthambekela kokwabelana nawe ngempilo yabo futhi kuba nokuwohloka okuphelele kokuxhumana.
Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Eziyisixwayiso Umlingani Wakho Ulahlekelwa Isithakazelo Ebudlelwaneni
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
