Kuthatha Isikhathi Esingakanani Ukuphuma Othandweni?

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Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuphuma othandweni? Umbuzo unzima ezingqondweni zethu noma nini lapho umlingo wezimvemvane eziphaphazelayo esiswini kanye nokushaya kwenhliziyo okugijima kuqala ukunyamalala. Uthando luthathelwa indawo ukucasuka nokwazisa ngokuxabana. Uma uphelelwa uthando, inganekwane yothando kanye nenjabulo naphakade ithathelwa indawo iqiniso elibuhlungu lobuhlungu obuzayo kanye nesizungu.

Isigaba somshado sesiphelile manje , futhi ama-rose abonakala engasasebenzi. Ubudlelwano buzwakala njengomthwalo owudonsayo. Uma, noma yimuphi wabalingani ebhekana nalo muzwa, ubuhlobo bakho bufika ekugcineni. Ukuphela kothando kwenzeka ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside.

Ngemuva kokuphela kobudlelwano, uqala ukuzibuza: Kungani abantu bephelelwa uthando kungazelelwe? Konakelephi? Ingabe abafana baphelelwa uthando kalula? Kungani waphelelwa uthando? Le ngxubevange yemibuzo ilokhu ikhathaza ingqondo yakho futhi kubonakala sengathi zingekho izimpendulo eziqondile.

Udokotela Wezifo Zengqondo uSampreeti Das uthi, “Kwabanye, kumayelana nokujaha kunokudla. Ngakho-ke uma umlingani eshayele ucingo, kuba nokuvumelanisa okuningi kangangokuthi injabulo iyaphela. Izinto zibonakala ziyisicefe ngoba amandla okuzabalaza (hhayi uhlobo lokuzabalaza lokuhlupheka) ukuze imizwa yakho iphile awasadingeki.

"Kwesinye isikhathi, abantu bazinikela komunye umuntu kangangokuthi balahlekelwa yibo. Phela, abalingani bawela komunye nomunye ngalokho abayikho ngempela. Njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka kanjalo nokushintshashintsha kwezenhlalo namasiko kobudlelwane, ukuzinakekela kuyehla futhi ukunakekela abanye kuyanda. Umuntu owakhanga uthando uphonswa kwenye indawo egumbini elicashile."

Izimpawu zokuthi Uphelelwa Othandweni

Okuqukethwe

Uthando luyinto engavamile ngempela. Lunganyamalala ngokushesha nje lapho luvela. Yingakho kufanele wazi umehluko phakathi kokuthatheka nothando ngaphambi kokuba ujule kulo.

Abantu bangase babuze ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukuphuma othandweni nomphefumulo wakho womshado? Yebo, ungakwazi. Uhlobo lothando olutholayo nomuntu othandana naye lungahle lwehluke ngokuphelele kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi anidalelwe ukuba ndawonye, kulapho-ke ukuhlukana kothando kungenakugwema.

Yiziphi izimpawu nezimpawu zokuwa ngaphandle kothando?

Niqala ukubhoreka omunye nomunye futhi anisalangazeleli ukuchitha isikhathi ninobabili
Ulokhu ukhuluma ngokungafani futhi amaphutha omlingani wakho ayanda
Uqala ukuphila izimpilo ezihlukene unezinhlelo ezihlukene
Wena khula ngokwehlukana ebudlelwaneni ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba
Ugxile kakhulu ekwenzeni imisebenzi yakho yomndeni kanye nophathina wakho futhi izinto azisazenzeki
Imigubho yezigigaba zobudlelwano isisivivi
Uma ubudlelwano buba yibanga elide indlela yokungaboni ngaso linye ngokuvamile iqala ukusebenza

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-13 Zokwazi Uma Ubuhlobo Bufanele Ukulondolozwa

Kuthatha Isikhathi Esingakanani Ukuphuma Othandweni?

Ubona umbhangqwana ophelele, izithende ezithandanayo, ezipenda idolobha ngokubomvu futhi zijabulela ubuhle bokuhlangana kwazo. Zimbalwa izinto ezinhle njengokubona abantu ababili abathandanayo.

Bese kuthi ngemva kwezinyanga ezimbalwa, uthole ukuthi omunye wabo ushada nomunye umuntu kanti omunye usebuyele endaweni yokuqomisana futhi. Lokhu kwenzeka kanjani? Kungani abantu bephelelwa uthando ngokuzumayo?

Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuphuma othandweni? Kuthiwani ngazo zonke lezo zinyanga zokuthandana, ukugubha iminyaka engu-iminyaka futhi ucabange ikusasa ndawonye? Izici ezahlukahlukene zingathonya lokhu kukhukhuleka. Ake sihlole ezinye zazo lapha ukuze siqonde ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi uthando lufiphale nokuthi kungani lwenzeka:

Ukuze uthole amanye amavidiyo angochwepheshe sicela ubhalisele yethu Isiteshi se-Youtube

1. Ukuwa othandweni kuncike kumuntu

Amathuba okuthi umuntu aphelelwe uthando angabuswa ubuntu bakhe. Uma umuntu ethanda ukuzibophezela , angazizwa efisa ukuqhubeka nobudlelwano bakhe afune umlingani omusha. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuhlukana nothando kufana nebhomu elishaya isikhathi. Umuntu wakhe ucindezela inkinobho eyodwa engafanele futhi usekulungele ukushayisa.

Izikhathi eziningi abantu abanjalo benza iphutha lomkhuba wokuba ndawonye nomqondo wokuba sothandweni. Imizwa yabo ingase futhi ibuswe ukukhangwa ngokomzimba kuphela, bengazi ukuthi inkanuko ihluke kanjani othandweni, bayiphambanisa njengothando.

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Yini eyakwenza waphelelwa uthando? Lapho lokho kugijima kwama-hormone kuncipha, baqala ukuzwa ubuze ebudlelwaneni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kwabanye abantu ukuphuma othandweni kungase kube inqubo eqhubeka kancane kancane.

Ngemva kokuthandana iminyaka, baqala ukuzibuza ukuthi babenzani nomlingani wabo yonke le minyaka. Ngakho-ke, kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi uthando luphele, kuncike ekutheni ubani ophuma othandweni.

2. Ukuvuthwa kulawula ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthandana

ukuphuma othandweni — Ukuvuthwa kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni

Uyasikhumbula leso sithandwa sesikole samabanga aphezulu obucabanga ukuthi ngeke ukwazi ukuhamba usuku ngaphandle kwakho? Bakuphi manje? Uma ungenawo umkhondo, awuwedwa. Akubona bonke abantu abashada nezithandwa zabo zasesikoleni esiphakeme. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abantu bayashintsha ngokuya ngeminyaka, futhi okuhlangenwe nakho kungashintsha imibono yakho kanye nombono wakho ngempilo.

Yingakho abantu abaningi bezwa lowo muzwa wokuphuma othandweni, ngisho nabalingani babo besikhathi eside, uma ubuhlobo baqala besebancane.

Akuvamile ukuhlukana nomuntu obuthandana naye esikoleni noma ekolishi, ngoba ukunambitheka kwezwe langempela okuhambisana nemithwalo yemfanelo yokuphila kwabantu abadala kungakwenza ube abantu abahluke ngokuphelele abangahlobene.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukwenza ubuhlobo busebenze kudinga ukuzikhandla okukhulu nokubekezela, okuza kuphela nokuvuthwa. Uma ukhula kancane, kuzokuthatha ngokushesha ukuthi uphelelwe uthando ngoba awazi ukuthi yini edingekayo ukuze uthando luqhubeke.

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3. Kungenzeka uma wenze iphutha ukukhangwa uthando

Ngokusho kukaMikulincer & Shaver , 2007, inkanuko (noma ukukhanga) ikhona kakhulu “lapha namanje” futhi ayihileli umbono wesikhathi eside. Abantu abaningi bavame ukuphutha ukuthatheka njengothando. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kukhanga kuqala ukuncipha futhi izidingo zempilo ziphazamisa ubunye benu.

Lapho lokho kwenzeka, ubuhlobo obusekelwe enkanuko buyoqina. Ubudlelwano obunenkanuko buhlala bufika nedethi yokuphelelwa yisikhathi. Lapha akuyona indaba yokuthi uma kodwa nini.

Uma wena noma umlingani wakho niphume ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokungacabangi ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuphuma othandweni, maningi amathuba okuba inkanuko ibe yimbangela ebuhlotsheni.

Inkanuko noma Uthando — Ingabe inkanuko noma uthando?

4. Ukuwa othandweni kungenzeka ngenxa yesithukuthezi

Umcwaningi wezocansi waseVanderbilt University uLaura Carpenter uyachaza, “Ngenkathi abantu bekhula futhi bematasa, njengoba ubuhlobo buqhubeka nabo baba nekhono ngokwengeziwe - ukungena nokuphuma ekamelweni." Amandla anoma yibuphi ubudlelwano ahlala eshintsha, futhi ekugcineni, inhlansi iyaphuma bese kukhahlela isithukuthezi.

Ukuqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho akasakukhuthazi kungaqala ukuthinta uthando oluzwayo ngaye kuze kube yilapho kungasekho lutho olusele. Ngemva kokuphela kothando ungase uzibuze, 'kungani abantu bephela uthando ngokuzumayo?'

Iqiniso liwukuthi kade waphelelwa uthando kodwa ungafuni nje ukukuvuma lokho.

5. Ukujaha ukungena ebudlelwaneni kungaba yikho okwenza abanye abantu baphelelwe wuthando

Ukuphuthuma ebudlelwaneni — Ukujaha ubudlelwano kungaholela ekuphelelweni uthando

Ucwaningo lukaHarrison noShortall (2011) luthole ukuthi amadoda avame ukuthandana ngokushesha kunabesifazane ^1. Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi indoda iphelelwe uthando-ke? Nakuba kunzima ukuphendula lokho ngokuqinisekile, ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuyeka uthando kuvame ukulawulwa ukuthi umuntu usheshe kangakanani ukuthandana.

Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bagijimela ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokumazi umuntu ngokujulile. Uma lokho kwenzeka, ukuqaphela ukuthi ungumuntu ongalungile kufinyelela ngokushesha bese kulandela ukungasathandani.

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Kungani Abantu Bephelelwa Othandweni Ngokungazelele?

Ngokusekelwe ocwaningweni olude lweminyaka engama-30, uDkt Fred Nour, isazi sezinzwa esihlonishwayo, uthole incazelo yesayensi yemibuzo efana nalena: kungani abantu bephelelwa uthando kungazelelwe futhi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuyeka ukuthanda umuntu.

Encwadini yakhe ethi, True Love: How to Use Science to Understanding Love , uchaza ukuthi ukuyeka uthando kuhlobene nokuziphendukela kwemvelo kwabantu. Emakhulwini eminyaka, ubuchopho bomuntu buhlelwe ukuthi bumise ukuhlinzekwa kwama-hormone enkanuko uma umuntu efika esigabeni sobuhlobo lapho eqala ukuhlola omunye umuntu njengomlingani wokuphila naye.

Uma ama-hormone akhanga injabulo nesasasa ekhishiwe ku-equation, abantu bayakwazi ukuhlola abalingani babo ngokufanele.

Futhi uma umuntu engenazo izimfanelo azilindele kumyeni /umkakhe, inqubo yokuphuma othandweni iqala ukusebenza. Nakuba lokhu kwenzeka ezingeni elingaphansi kokuqonda, kubonakala ngesimo sezizathu kanye nezimbangela zokuwa othandweni:

1. Ukuntuleka kokukhulumisana kuphazamisa

Akukho ukuxhumana phakathi kwabo — Ukungakhulumisani kungaholela ekuphelelweni uthando

Ukuxhumana kuyisihluthulelo sobudlelwano obunempilo. Ngokwemvelo-ke, ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kungakha udonga olungangeneki phakathi kwabalingani, oluqhubeka lwakha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngesikhathi omunye wozakwethu ekubona, udonga seluvele luqine kakhulu ukuthi lungabhodlozwa.

Uma ubuhlobo sebufinyelele kuleso sigaba lapho bobabili abalingani bengakwazi nje ukuba nengxoxo ezuzisayo, kungase kube ngaphezu kwanoma yiliphi ithemba. Ukungabikho kokuxhumana kuvame ukudala ukungezwani futhi kudala ukungabaza. Inhlansi iyancipha futhi ekugcineni yenza ubuhlobo bufe kancane, ukufa okubuhlungu.

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2. Uqala ukuthandana lapho uxhumano lwemizwa lungekho

Ukuthi nje 'ngiyakuthanda' akusho lutho ngaphandle uma umlingani wakho ezwa lolo thando lubonakala ezenzweni zakho. Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana okungokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani nakho kungesinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zokungathembeki. Lapho izidingo ezingokomzwelo zinganakwa, uvame ukubheka kwenye indawo futhi uzizwe ukhangwa kumuntu osizayo ekugcwaliseni leso sikhala.

Ngokuvamile, kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi uthando luphele kungase kubuswe impilo engokomzwelo yobuhlobo.

ukuntula Ukugcwaliseka ngokomzwelo — Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana okungokomzwelo

3. Kungani abantu bephelelwa uthando kungazelelwe? Ukuntuleka kocansi kungase kube nengxenye

Ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe yi-Hindustan Times, ama-30% ayo yonke imishado eNdiya aphela ngenxa yokunganeliseki ngokocansi, ukungabi namandla kanye nokungabi nabantwana . ^2. Ukwaneliseka ngokomzwelo kanye nokwaneliseka ngokocansi kusebenza ndawonye ukubopha ubudlelwano ndawonye.

Uma noma yimuphi wabo engekho, ubudlelwano bungaba semanzini anzima. Ukuntuleka kokusondelana kungabangela ukuthi abalingani bahlukane, futhi ukuhlukana kothando kuba yindaba yesikhathi.

ukuntula ukusondelana — Ungaphelelwa uthando uma ucansi lungasekho

4. Ukungafanelani kungenza abantu baphelelwe uthando

Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bangena ebudlelwaneni obungenalo ikusasa . Bagcina benomuntu onemigomo namaphupho akhe ahluke kakhulu kweyakhe.

Ngisho noma ithemba lokuthi izinto zizoba ngcono ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ligcina ubuhlobo isikhathi esithile, iqiniso lithatha umonakalo ekugcineni. Lapho ubuhlobo obunjalo buphela, kungase kubonakale kungazelelwe noma kungazelelwe, kodwa umqondo wawulokhu unzima ezingqondweni zabo isikhathi eside.

Abantu bayathandana, bese bephuma othandweni, bese bephinda bathandane. Kufana nomjikelezo oqhubeka uze uthole 'lowo'. Njengoba uMonica ovela ku-Friends esho kuChandler, “Besingadalelwanga ukuthi sigcine ndawonye. Sathandana futhi sasebenza kanzima ebudlelwaneni bethu.” Ukuguquguquka kokuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi abantu baphume othandweni kuncike ekutheni isisekelo sobudlelwano siqine kangakanani. Uma ungesona isisekelo esiqinile, ungase ungaphinde uphume othandweni!

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Kujwayelekile yini ukuphuma othandweni?

Yebo kujwayelekile ukuphuma othandweni. Abantu baphelelwa uthando ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside kaningi.

2. Kuzwakala kunjani ukuphuma othandweni?

Uma uphelelwa wuthando ulokhu ulwa nemizwa yakho ngoba uyazi ukuthi leyo ayisafani. Yingakho abantu bevame ukuhlukana, futhi labo abaqhubeka nobudlelwano baqhubeka nokubhekana nomuzwa wokucikeka nokungabi nasithakazelo.

3. Ungakwazi yini ukubuyela othandweni ngemva kokuhlukana?

Bonke ubudlelwano budlula esigabeni esinciphile. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu baze bagcine sebeneshende ngoba bengaluzwa uthando ngabathandana nabo. Kodwa uma kufika umbuzo wokwehlukana bayabona ukuthi uthando lusekhona futhi abakwazi ukuzicabangela bekude nabo.

4. Ukulungisa kanjani ukuphuma othandweni?

Kufanele uqale ukuxhumana kakhulu, wenze izivivinyo zokwelapha izithandani ekhaya, hamba ngezinsuku futhi uzame ukwenza zonke izinto ozenzile esigabeni sokuqala sobudlelwano benu.

Ingabe udinga ikhefu ebudlelwaneni bakho? Izimpawu eziyi-15 ezithi uyayenza!

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