Esimeni sanamuhla sobudlelwano, igebe lobudala alisivimbeli uthando. Ngokusho kokujulile Ucwaningo okwenziwa inkundla ye-inthanethi, u-27% wabesilisa abasebasha batholakale bekhangwa abesifazane abadala. Inhlolovo efanayo iphinde yembula ukuthi u-9% wabantu abangashadile kungenzeka baphishekele abalingani abaneminyaka eyishumi noma abancane kunabo. Kodwa kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala?
Ukuze siqonde lo mkhuba wezibalo, ake singene sijule ku-psychology yobudlelwano besifazane abadala, ngosizo lomqeqeshi wokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo kanye nokucabanga. Pooja Priyamvada (egunyazwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health Usizo Lokuqala oluvela ku-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye ne-University of Sydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni kwabangaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, nokulahlekelwa, ukubala okumbalwa.
Kungani Amadoda Asemancane Ethanda Abesifazane Abadala? 15 Izizathu
Okuqukethwe
Echaza izinto eziguquguqukayo zothando lwabesifazane abadala, UPooja Ithi, "Kungaba nezizathu eziningi zalokhu. Amadoda athole uthando kwabesifazane abadala kuphela ahlobanisa ukulondeka nothando nabesifazane abadala, futhi ngenxa yalokho bazizwa bekhangwa kubo. Imibono yethu ngobudlelwano iqala ebuntwaneni. Ngezinye izikhathi amadoda anombono oqinile "ngowesifazane olungile" kusukela ebuntwaneni, lokhu kungaba umuntu ofana nomama wabo (uma ayemuhle) noma ngisho nomuntu ophambene ngokuphelele nomama wabo angaba nzima kumlingani wabo omdala (uma kwenzeka lokhu kuphrojekthi).
Futhi, abesifazane asebekhulile baletha umuzwa wokuqonda obalulekile kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano ukuze buchume. Ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho nobudala, banokuningi abangakunikeza. A Reddit umsebenzisi wabhala, "Akukhona nokuthi ngithanda abesifazane abadala, kwenzeka nje ukuthi amantombazane/abesifazane engangibathanda babehlale bebadala kunami. Ngiphakathi kwabantu abaphansi kakhulu futhi abangajulile, okuyinto amantombazane alingana nami ayevame ukuntula kakhulu."
Enye iReddit umsebenzisi wabhala, "28M lapha futhi ngokuphelele. Ngiqalaza iminyaka yami yonke kodwa ngithanda kakhulu abesifazane abaseminyakeni yama-30. Imvamisa banokukhula okuthe xaxa futhi kucatshangelwe izinto eziza kuqala kubo. Yilokho engikufunayo mathupha." Ngakho, niyabo, i i-psychology yowesifazane osekhulile ubudlelwane bendoda encane iyinkimbinkimbi impela. Uma uzibuza, "Kungani abafana bethanda abesifazane abadala?", Nalu uhlu lwezizathu eziyi-15 zokuphendula umbuzo wakho:
1. Okuhlangenwe nakho okwengeziwe kwempilo
Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Ngoba owesifazane omdala:
- Isungulwe kahle futhi iqhutshwa
- Unesifiso sokuvelela futhi ukulambele ukuphumelela
- Isibonelo esihle kulabo abaseduze kwakhe
Abafana abathanda abesifazane abadala bavame ukuthonywa kahle ngabalingani babo. Laba besifazane bangabafezi futhi baye baba nolwazi oluthe xaxa empilweni, kungaba emkhakheni wokusebenza noma empilweni yomuntu siqu. Lokhu kuhlanganiswa kobuhlakani namandla kuvame ukufakazela ukuthi kungamandla ashukumisa owesifazane osekhulile kwezothando.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 12 Amaqiniso Owesifazane Omdala Ubudlelwano Bendoda Encane
2. Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Banolwazi olunzulu
U-Pooja uthi, “Abesifazane asebekhulile bazinzile ngokomzwelo ngakho bayakwazi ukwakhela owesilisa osemusha indawo ephephile. ukusondelana ngokocansi kuyajabulisa kakhulu.” Ngisho noma bazi ukuthi ubudlelwano bungase bungajiki bube ukuzibophezela kwempilo yonke, bavulekele ukujabulela isipiliyoni ngesikhathi sisekhona.
3. Amadoda amancane athandana nowesifazane omdala ngenxa yokwethembeka kwakhe
Abesifazane abadala ngokuvamile bathembekile futhi baqondile ebudlelwaneni. Abashayi ehlathini; uma bengayithandi into abakutshela yona kusenesikhathi. Uma befuna okuthile, bakusho ngokucacile. Ukuvuthwa kwabo ngokomzwelo kuqinisekisa ukuthi ngokuvamile ayikho imidlalo yokuqagela noma izinkinga zokuxhumana. Lokhu kungase kube esinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani amadoda amaningi akhetha ukuphola nowesifazane osekhulile.
Ukuphendula umbuzo othi kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala, iReddit umsebenzisi wabhala, “Sikhuluma njengensizwa ehlale inomphefumulo omdala, abesifazane abadala ngokuvamile banomqondo ovulekile futhi banikeza umbono omusha. Izingxoxo ezingcono, ulwazi oluthe xaxa lwempilo, izindinganiso ezinengqondo, izindaba ezingcono, ngokuvamile zikhululekile futhi zivikelekile ngokwabo ... Angiboni ngaso linye nabesifazane abaningi abangangami, kodwa ngizwana nendlu evutha umlilo njengabesifazane abadala."
4. Abazixaki ngempilo yabo ebonakalayo
Abesifazane abadala abacabangi ukugcina i-Snap streaks noma ukuthumela imiyalezo emuva naphambili njengesidingo sokugcina ubudlelwano buqhubeka. Ukuhlukana kwabo nobuchwepheshe yingakho amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala. Kukhona indawo encane technoference ebudlelwaneni, okusho ukuthi ozakwethu banesithombe sangempela ekwakheni uxhumano olujulile, olunenjongo. Umuzwa wokugcwaliseka obangelwa ubuhlobo obunjalo ungesinye sezizathu ezenza owesilisa akhethe ukujola nowesifazane osekhulile.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 10 Okufanele Ubukele Amamuvi Endoda Encane Omdala Owesifazane Omdala
5. Abadingi ukutotoswa njalo
Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Abesifazane abasebasha (cishe njengomthetho) badinga ukunakwa okuningi kanye nazo zonke izinto ezihambisana nakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane abadala bavame ukuzethemba ngokwengeziwe. Bayasiqonda isidingo sesikhala somuntu ngamunye. Kunjalo:
- Bajabulele ukuphumula imilenze yabo etafuleni lekhofi egumbini labo lokuhlala elithokomele lapho i-SO yabo iphumile emcimbini wokudansa.
- Okuqukethwe ukufunda incwadi eduze kwesoka labo
- Umlandeli wokutotoswa kodwa kugxilwe ekuzijabuliseni esikhundleni sokufuna ukuqinisekiswa njalo
- Not ukugcinwa okuphezulu
6. Ukuzimela yingakho amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala
Ekhuluma ngePsychology yobudlelwano besifazane asebekhulile, uPooja uthi ukuzimela okunempilo kudlala indima enkulu. Uyanezela, “Abesifazane asebekhulile ngokuvamile bazwela kakhulu futhi bavela endaweni ezinzile ngokomzwelo. Abanye babo bangaba ngisho nezibonelo zezenhlalo noma kwezomnotho.
Njengoba eveza, abesifazane abadala bazinzile ngokwezimali, bayazenzela futhi bazimele. Bama lapho befuna, banikeze isikhala kalula, futhi baze bahlehle uma bebona isimo siphoqa. Ngakho mancane amathuba okuba babe onamathelayo noma oswele, okwenza kube lula kakhulu ukuzwana nabo. Kungakho ubudlelwano besifazane abavuthiwe nezinsizwa busebenza.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Wayeneminyaka Eyishumi Nanye Emdala Kunaye. Ingabe Umehluko Weminyaka Ubalulekile Emshadweni?
7. Abantu besifazane abadala bayakwazi ukuthatha izinto kancane
Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Esinye sezizathu wukulungela kwabesifazane asebekhulile ukuyisa izinto phambili isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi. Esikhundleni sokugijimela ezibophweni zokuphila konke, bathatha isikhathi sokuqonda abalingani babo futhi lesi sinyathelo esilula senezela ekuheheni kokuthandana nowesifazane osekhulile kubafana abaningi.
Nokho, uPooja uxwayisa ngokuthi uma insizwa igwema ukuba neqhaza ekukhuleni kobuhlobo ngokobulili, ngokwengqondo, nangokomzwelo egameni lokuthatha izinto kancane, kuwuphawu olubomvu, futhi uyanezela, “Ukuba neso elizulazulayo kwabesifazane abasebasha noma ukungabuvumi lobu buhlobo esidlangalaleni kungase kube ezinye izimpawu ezibomvu.”
8. Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Baxhumene neqiniso
Abesifazane abasebancane babo baphila ezweni lephupho, elinikezwa ngaleso sikhathi. Baphupha ngama-knights abagqoke izikhali ezikhazimulayo futhi bejabule njalo. Kodwa iqiniso lihlukile - bangu ubuhlungu benhliziyo nokudumazeka. Abesifazane asebekhulile baqonda izindawo ezimpunga zokuphila kangcono kakhulu. Ngakho-ke banengqondo kakhulu ekubhekeni kwabo ubudlelwano, okungaba yikhadi elikhulu lentshisekelo yothando.
Uma sikhuluma ngokuhlolwa okungokoqobo, kufanele futhi sikhulume ngokucwasa komphakathi okuza nokudonswa kwabesifazane asebekhulile abakhangayo. Kubafana abathanda abesifazane abadala, u-Pooja uyeluleka, “Abalingani besifazane asebekhulile babizwa ngokuthi 'abahlwithi bezingane' nokuthi yini!
9. Basekela kakhulu
Ukuthanda owesifazane osekhulile kusho ukuthola izeluleko ezinengqondo nokusekelwa ukuze ubhekane nezinselele zempilo kangcono. Kuyithuba elihle lokuba insizwa ikhule ibe umuntu ovuthiwe. U-Pooja uthi, “Iminyaka yobudala ayiyona into ebaluleke kangako kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo uma kunothando, imvume, nokuqonda. Nokho, umehluko weminyaka ngokuvamile ubuye usho imibono ehlukene ngezimo. Owesifazane osekhulile oye wabhekana nezikhathi ezinzima zokuphila angakunikeza umbono ozokwenza ubheke amafu amnyama. Lokhu kungenye yezinzuzo eziningi zabesilisa abasebasha abathandana nabesifazane abadala.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuvuma Kowesifazane Oshadile Ethandana Nensizwa Encane
10. Abesifazane asebekhulile bangabhekana nokuhlukana kobudlelwane ngokuvuthwa
Abesifazane abadala balazi kahle iqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano bungase bufike esiphethweni, ikakhulukazi ubudlelwano namadoda asemancane. Abesifazane abavuthiwe vuma ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi abantu bayahlukana noma izinhloso zabo ziyehluka kangangokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye akuseyona inketho. Uma isimo sibaphoqa, bakulungele ukudedela. Bona:
- Ungabangeli isivunguvungu ngokuhlukana
- Bhekana nokudabuka nentukuthelo ngaphandle kokuhileleka umhlaba wonke
- Angase akhe ubungane obuhlala njalo nale ndoda
Enikeza ukuqonda ngendlela owesifazane ovuthiwe okusingatha ngayo ukuhlukana, uGloria waseSacramento uthi, “Lapho ubuhlobo bami nensizwa esencane buphela, ngazinika iholidi. Yebo, wayikhalela ngoba ubuhlobo babusho okuthile kimi.
11. Bakhululeke kakhudlwana esikhumbeni sabo
Njengoba abesifazane bekhula, bakhululeka kakhulu ngohlobo lomzimba wabo nesisindo sabo futhi abazikhathazi ngakho kakhulu. Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyakwazi ukwenza ukubhekana nokuhlanjalazwa komzimba bese uyixubha. Ukwengeza, abasidlulisi ingcindezi kumasoka abo. Bangakwazi kalula ukuba nebhavu ka-ayisikhilimu ngosuku olubi futhi babhekane namaqiniso nokuthi benzeni ngalo ngokulandelayo. Lena inzuzo enkulu yokuqomisana nabesifazane abadala amadoda amancane afunga ngabo. Eqinisweni, amadoda amancane afana nabesifazane abadala ngenxa yemizimba yabo egobile, e-voluptuous.
12. Beneliswe yimpilo
Njengoba abesifazane abadala benolwazi futhi bezinze kahle ngokomsebenzi, ngokuvamile, bahola okuqukethwe nempilo ejabulisayo. Izigigaba empilweni zibafundisa ukuthi bangathuki izinto ezincane. Bakholelwa ekuhambeni nje nokuphila kunokunikela ngakho konke ukuze baguqule isimo. Lo muzwa wokuzethemba uvame ukwenza abantu ababazungezile bazole futhi bangabi nazingxabano. Esinye sezizathu zokuthi amadoda asemancane aqome abesifazane abadala kungaba ukuzola, i-vibe yokuqukethwe eza nobuhlobo obunjalo. Izinsizwa eziningi zithi sezishintshile zaba ngcono ngemuva kokujola nowesifazane omdala.
13. Abesifazane abadala bazimisele futhi bathembekile
Enye impendulo ezwakalayo yombuzo othi kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala ukuthi aneliseke kakhulu ngobudlelwano abanabo. Futhi, ngokuvamile banempilo egcwele - ephelele ngomsebenzi, izintombi, nokuzibophezela komphakathi - kanye nesikhathi esincane sokudlala imidlalo namanye amadoda.
Abesifazane abasebasha banamandla engeziwe futhi ngokuvamile batshale imali eningi ekutholeni umaqondana ofanelekayo abangahlala naye, ngakho bangase baqhubeke behlola izinketho zabo baze bamthole. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane abadala bayakwazisa lokho abanakho futhi bavame ukukuhlakulela futhi bangaphumi ngoba kukhona okungcono ekhoneni. Ebudlelwaneni nowesifazane osekhulile, amadoda akudingeki akhathazeke ngezindaba ezifana ngokomzimba noma ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo.
14. Bazethemba kakhulu
Ukuzethemba kuqhakaza ngokuya ngeminyaka. Umuntu wesifazane osekhulile ngeke alindele ukuthi umlingani wakhe abe seduze kwakhe futhi ashaye ucingo njalo uma kukhona okungahambi ngendlela yakhe. Futhi ngeke adinge ukuqinisekiswa njalo kuye mayelana nokubaluleka kwakhe. Ukunethezeka esikhumbeni sakhe kumnika ukuzethemba ukuze angadangali, ngakho-ke owesifazane osekhulile ngokuvamile uyathandeka futhi kumnandi ukuba khona.
Owesifazane ovuthiwe akalondeki ngenxa yobuhle noma izinto ezifezwa abanye besifazane abaseduze kwakhe. Ukuhileleka ekuhlelweni nokuxabana okungenamsebenzi akusona isitayela sakhe. Zonke lezi zici zihlangene zimenza abe namandla okubhekana nawo. Akumangalisi-ke ukuthi izinsizwa eziningi kangaka zizithola zithi, “Ngithanda abesifazane abadala.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 10 Izinzuzo Zokuqomisana Nowesifazane Omdala! Eyesi-5 Iyiqiniso Nakanjani
15. Abesifazane abadala abavinjelwa kancane ngokocansi
Abesifazane abadala abavimbeki kangako ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo futhi bayakwazi ukucela lokho abakufunayo. Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Ibhonasi eyengeziwe yobudlelwano obunjalo ukuthi owesifazane osekhulile:
- Uyazi ukuthi wenzani embhedeni, okwenza ukuzizwisa kujabulise kakhudlwana
- Kungaba nzima embhedeni futhi kungavivinywa ngama-kinks amasha noma imilingo
- Uyazi ukubaluleka kokukhulumisana ekamelweni futhi ngaleyo ndlela ivumela ukuphila okusondelene okwanelisayo
I-Infographic Yendlela Yokwenza Owesifazane Omdala Osemusha Romance Asebenze
Yize kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani abesilisa abasebasha bathanda abesifazane abadala, njenganoma yibuphi obunye ubudlelwano, lobu budlelwano begebe lobudala bufika nengxenye yabo yezinselelo. Uma uzithola usebudlelwaneni obunjalo, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi uzulazula kanjani kulokhu kukhuphuka nokwehla ngobuchule. Kulapho kuphela lapho ungavula indlela yokuxhumana okunempilo, okuhlala njalo. Ukuze senze lokho, ake sibheke ukuthi ungayenza kanjani i-romance yowesifazane osekhulile:
imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa
I-slang yensizwa ethandana nowesifazane omdala ingumzingeli we-cougar. Kodwa mhlawumbe, kufanele sisuse lawa malebula. Uma owesifazane osekhulile ethandana nensizwa ejabulisa abantu ababili, akukho okunye okufanele kunendaba. Impela, akuwona amalebula okwahlulela umphakathi oqhamuke nawo. Engeza isithombe
Uma umuntu esothandweni, igebe leminyaka liba lingasho lutho. Ukuwela kothile kwenzeka ngokwemvelo nangokomzimba, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi igebe leminyaka lingakanani. Yebo, uthando lowesifazane osemusha lungase lungamukeleki emphakathini kodwa ekugcineni, okubalulekile yilokho okukujabulisayo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uchwepheshe wobudlelwano uSusan Winter weluleka ngezimpendulo ezinonya njengokuthi “Oh ngiyisithandwa sakhe, umama wakhe mncane kakhulu!”
Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi ukhangwa amandla nomdlandla wabo, okungenzeka ukuthi awukho emadodeni amadala. Imibhangqwana yabesifazane abavuthiwe nezinsizwa zenzeka ngoba umfana omncane uvulekele ukuzama izinto ezintsha/okuhlangenwe nakho (ngokungafani namadoda amadala aqinile). Ungacabangi ngokweqile. Uma ufuna iseluleko, nanka amagama amabili: “Gqoka!”
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Abantu abaningi bathanda abesifazane asebekhulile ngenxa yokuzimela kwabo, isipiliyoni socansi, ukuzinza nokwethembeka
- Bazibophezele, bavuthiwe futhi baxhumene kakhulu neqiniso
- Amadoda amaningi athanda abesifazane abadala ngenxa yokukhuliswa kwabo; bahlobanisa abesifazane abadala nemfudumalo nokuphepha kothando lukamama
- Ezinye izinzuzo ukuthi abesifazane abadala abadli kakhulu futhi bangakwazi ngisho nokuhlukana ngokuvuthiwe
Imicabango Final
Sezadlula izinsuku lapho abesilisa abasebasha abathandana nabesifazane abadala kwakubhekwa njengento engafanele. Ungavumeli izithiyo ezilethwa iminyaka yokuphila komphakathi mayelana nokuthi ubudlelwano bothando obufanele kufanele bubukeke kanjani buphazamise. Ubuwazi ukuthi uMongameli waseFrance u-Emmanuel Macron nomkakhe uBrigitte bahlangana okokuqala esikoleni esiphakeme? Kwakungesikhathi u-Emmanuel eseneminyaka engu-15 ubudala esikoleni esiphakeme futhi uBrigitte enguthisha wedrama. Naphezu kwegebe leminyaka engu-24, baqhubeka nomshado ophumelelayo. Eqinisweni, uBrigitte unendodana endala kuno-Emmanuel ngeminyaka emibili! Lapho amadoda amaningi njengaye ayengenandaba nalokho okwakulindelwe umphakathi, kungani kufanele? Ngakho-ke, njengomongameli, landela inhliziyo yakho, okunye kungumsindo nje.
11 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Ukuze Ube Nomshado Wesibili Ophumelelayo
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Abesifazane abadala banolwazi oluningi nokunakekelwa okuhle