Esimweni sanamuhla sobudlelwano, igebe leminyaka aliyona neze into evimbela uthando. Ngokusho kocwaningo olujulile olwenziwe yipulatifomu eku-inthanethi, abesilisa abasebasha abangu-27% batholakale bekhangwa ngabesifazane abadala. Ucwaningo olufanayo luveze nokuthi amaphesenti angu-9 abantu abangashadile kungenzeka ukuthi bafune abalingani abadala kunabo ngeminyaka eyishumi noma ngaphansi kwabo. Kodwa kungani abesilisa abasebasha bebathanda abesifazane abadala?
Ukuze siqonde lo mkhuba wezibalo, ake singene shí engqondweni yengqondo yobudlelwano besifazane asebekhulile nabesilisa abasebasha, ngosizo lomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba zobudlelwano bangaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala ezimbalwa.
Kungani Amadoda Asemancane Ethanda Abesifazane Abadala? 15 Izizathu
Okuqukethwe
Echaza indlela uthando lwabesifazane abadala, uPooja uthi, “Kungaba nezizathu eziningi zalokhu. Amadoda athole uthando kwabesifazane abadala kuphela ahlanganisa ukulondeka nothando nabesifazane abadala, ngakho-ke azizwa ekhangwa yibo. Imigomo yethu yobudlelwano iqala ebuntwaneni. Ngezinye izikhathi amadoda anombono oqinile “ngowesifazane ofanele” kusukela ebuntwaneni, lokhu kungaba umuntu ofana nonina (uma ebenomusa) noma umuntu ophambene ngokuphelele nonina (uma ubuhlobo bebuyinkimbinkimbi). Ngokuvamile bangase baveze lokhu kumlingani omdala.”
Futhi, abesifazane asebekhulile baletha umuzwa wokuqonda obalulekile ukuze noma yiluphi ubudlelwano buchume. Ngenxa yesipiliyoni kanye nobudala, banokuningi abangakunikeza. Umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabhala, “Akukona ngisho nokuthi ngiyabathanda abesifazane asebekhulile, kwenzeka nje ukuthi amantombazane/abesifazane engibathandayo babehlala bebadala kunami. Ngithanda abantu abathobekile futhi abangebona abaphansi, okuyinto amantombazane angontanga yami ayevame ukuyintula kakhulu.”
Omunye umsebenzisi weReddit wabhala, “28M lapha futhi impela. Ngibheka kakhulu iminyaka yami kodwa ngiyabathanda kakhulu abesifazane abaseminyakeni yabo yama-30. Ngokuvamile banokuvuthwa okwengeziwe futhi izinto eziza kuqala zilungisiwe. Yilokho engikufunayo mathupha.” Ngakho-ke, uyabona, i -psychology yobudlelwano besifazane abadala nabesilisa abancane iyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Uma uzibuza, “Kungani amadoda ebathanda abesifazane abadala?”, nansi uhlu lwezizathu eziyi-15 zokuphendula umbuzo wakho:
1. Okuhlangenwe nakho okwengeziwe kwempilo
Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Ngoba owesifazane omdala:
- Isungulwe kahle futhi iqhutshwa
- Unesifiso sokuvelela futhi ukulambele ukuphumelela
- Isibonelo esihle kulabo abaseduze kwakhe
Abafana abathanda abesifazane abadala bavame ukuthonywa kahle ngabalingani babo. Laba besifazane bangabafezi futhi baye baba nolwazi oluthe xaxa empilweni, kungaba emkhakheni wokusebenza noma empilweni yomuntu siqu. Lokhu kuhlanganiswa kobuhlakani namandla kuvame ukufakazela ukuthi kungamandla ashukumisa owesifazane osekhulile kwezothando.
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2. Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Banolwazi olunzulu
UPooja uthi, “Abesifazane asebekhulile bazinzile ngokomzwelo ngakho-ke bayakwazi ukudala indawo ephephile yendoda esencane. Ngokuvamile banolwazi oluningi ngokocansi, ngakho-ke ukusondelana ngokocansi kuyanelisa kakhulu.” Ngisho noma bazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bungase bungabi yisibopho sokuphila konke, bavulelekile ekujabuleleni isipiliyoni ngenkathi siqhubeka. Kwabesilisa abasebasha, ubuhlobo nowesifazane osekhulile bufana nokuba semzuliswaneni nomuntu ojabule futhi ovulekile njengabo.
3. Amadoda amancane athandana nowesifazane omdala ngenxa yokwethembeka kwakhe
Abesifazane abadala ngokuvamile bathembekile futhi baqondile ebudlelwaneni. Abashayi phansi; uma bengathandi into ethile bakutshela yona kusengaphambili. Uma befuna into ethile, bayisho ngokucacile. Ukuvuthwa kwabo ngokomzwelo kuqinisekisa ukuthi ngokuvamile awekho imidlalo yokuqagela noma izinkinga zokuxhumana. Lokhu kungaba esinye sezizathu ezenza amadoda amaningi akhethe ukuthandana nowesifazane omdala.
Ephendula umbuzo wokuthi kungani amadoda asemasha ethanda abesifazane asebekhulile, umsebenzisi we-Reddit wabhala, “Njengoba ngikhuluma njengensizwa ebilokhu ingumuntu omdala, abesifazane asebekhulile ngokuvamile bavulelekile engqondweni futhi banikeza umbono omusha. Izingxoxo ezingcono, ulwazi oluningi ngempilo, izindinganiso ezinengqondo, izindaba ezingcono, ngokuvamile bakhululekile futhi bavikelekile kubo… Angiboni ngaso linye nabesifazane abaningi abangontanga yami, kodwa ngiyazwana nabesifazane asebekhulile njengendlu eshayo.”
4. Abazixaki ngempilo yabo ebonakalayo
Abesifazane asebekhulile abacabangi ngokugcina i-Snap streaks noma ukuthumela imiyalezo emuva naphambili njengento ebalulekile ukuze baqhubeke nobudlelwano. Ukuhlukana kwabo nobuchwepheshe yingakho amadoda ethanda abesifazane asebekhulile. Akukho thuba elincane lobuchwepheshe ebudlelwaneni , okusho ukuthi abalingani banethuba langempela lokwakha uxhumano olujulile nolunenjongo. Umuzwa wokwaneliseka ovela ebudlelwaneni obunjalo ungenye yezizathu ezenza indoda ikhethe ukuthandana nowesifazane omdala.
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5. Abadingi ukutotoswa njalo
Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Abesifazane abasebasha (cishe njengomthetho) badinga ukunakwa okuningi kanye nazo zonke izinto ezihambisana nakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane abadala bavame ukuzethemba ngokwengeziwe. Bayasiqonda isidingo sesikhala somuntu ngamunye. Kunjalo:
- Bajabulele ukuphumula imilenze yabo etafuleni lekhofi egumbini labo lokuhlala elithokomele lapho i-SO yabo iphumile emcimbini wokudansa.
- Okuqukethwe ukufunda incwadi eduze kwesoka labo
- Umlandeli wokutotoswa kodwa kugxilwe ekuzijabuliseni esikhundleni sokufuna ukuqinisekiswa njalo
- Not ukugcinwa okuphezulu
6. Ukuzimela yingakho amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala
Ekhuluma ngePsychology yobudlelwano besifazane asebekhulile, uPooja uthi ukuzimela okunempilo kudlala indima enkulu. Uyanezela, “Abesifazane asebekhulile ngokuvamile bazwela kakhulu futhi bavela endaweni ezinzile ngokomzwelo. Abanye babo bangaba ngisho nezibonelo zezenhlalo noma kwezomnotho.
Njengoba esho, abesifazane asebekhulile bazinzile ngokwezimali, bazimele, futhi bazimele. Bathatha ukuma lapho befuna, banike isikhala kalula, futhi baze bayeke uma bebona isimo sidinga lokho. Ngakho-ke mancane amathuba okuba banamathele noma baswele , okwenza kube lula kakhulu ukuzwana nabo. Yingakho ubudlelwano phakathi kwabesifazane asebekhulile nabesilisa abasebasha busebenza.
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7. Abantu besifazane abadala bayakwazi ukuthatha izinto kancane
Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Esinye sezizathu wukulungela kwabesifazane asebekhulile ukuyisa izinto phambili isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi. Esikhundleni sokugijimela ezibophweni zokuphila konke, bathatha isikhathi sokuqonda abalingani babo futhi lesi sinyathelo esilula senezela ekuheheni kokuthandana nowesifazane osekhulile kubafana abaningi.
Nokho, uPooja uxwayisa ngokuthi uma insizwa igwema ukuba neqhaza ekukhuleni kobuhlobo ngokobulili, ngokwengqondo, nangokomzwelo egameni lokuthatha izinto kancane, kuwuphawu olubomvu, futhi uyanezela, “Ukuba neso elizulazulayo kwabesifazane abasebasha noma ukungabuvumi lobu buhlobo esidlangalaleni kungase kube ezinye izimpawu ezibomvu.”
8. Kungani amadoda ethanda abesifazane abadala? Baxhumene neqiniso
Abesifazane abasebasha baphila ezweni lamaphupho, elinikezwa kuleyo minyaka. Baphupha ngamaqhawe agqoke izikhali ezikhazimulayo futhi bejabule njalo. Kodwa iqiniso lihlukile - kukhona ukudabuka kwenhliziyo nokudumazeka . Abesifazane asebekhulile baqonda kangcono izindawo ezimpunga zokuphila. Ngakho-ke banengqondo ejulile endleleni yabo yokusondela ebudlelwaneni, okungaba yinkomba enkulu yesithakazelo sothando.
Uma sikhuluma ngokuhlolwa okungokoqobo, kufanele futhi sikhulume ngokucwasa komphakathi okuza nokudonswa kwabesifazane asebekhulile abakhangayo. Kubafana abathanda abesifazane abadala, u-Pooja uyeluleka, “Abalingani besifazane asebekhulile babizwa ngokuthi 'abahlwithi bezingane' nokuthi yini!
9. Basekela kakhulu
Ukuthanda owesifazane osekhulile kusho ukuthola izeluleko ezinengqondo nokusekelwa ukuze ubhekane nezinselele zempilo kangcono. Kuyithuba elihle lokuba insizwa ikhule ibe umuntu ovuthiwe. U-Pooja uthi, “Iminyaka yobudala ayiyona into ebaluleke kangako kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo uma kunothando, imvume, nokuqonda. Nokho, umehluko weminyaka ngokuvamile ubuye usho imibono ehlukene ngezimo. Owesifazane osekhulile oye wabhekana nezikhathi ezinzima zokuphila angakunikeza umbono ozokwenza ubheke amafu amnyama. Lokhu kungenye yezinzuzo eziningi zabesilisa abasebasha abathandana nabesifazane abadala.
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10. Abesifazane asebekhulile bangabhekana nokuhlukana kobudlelwane ngokuvuthwa
Abesifazane asebekhulile bayazi kahle iqiniso lokuthi ubudlelwano bungase bufinyelele esiphelweni, ikakhulukazi ubudlelwano nabesilisa abasebasha. Abesifazane abavuthiwe bayakwamukela ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi abantu bayahlukana noma imigomo yabo iba ehlukene kakhulu kangangokuthi ukuhlala ndawonye akuseyona inketho. Uma isimo sidinga lokho, bakulungele kakhulu ukuhlukana. Bona:
- Ungabangeli isivunguvungu ngokuhlukana
- Bhekana nokudabuka nentukuthelo ngaphandle kokuhileleka umhlaba wonke
- Angase akhe ubungane obuhlala njalo nale ndoda
Enikeza ukuqonda ngendlela owesifazane ovuthiwe okusingatha ngayo ukuhlukana, uGloria waseSacramento uthi, “Lapho ubuhlobo bami nensizwa esencane buphela, ngazinika iholidi. Yebo, wayikhalela ngoba ubuhlobo babusho okuthile kimi.
11. Bakhululeke kakhudlwana esikhumbeni sabo
Njengoba abesifazane bekhula, bazizwa bekhululekile ngohlobo lomzimba wabo kanye nesisindo sabo futhi abakhathazeki kakhulu ngakho. Owesifazane ovuthiwe uyazi ukuthi angabhekana kanjani nokuhlaziswa komzimba futhi akuqede. Ngokwengeziwe, abadluliseli ukucindezeleka kubafana babo. Bangaphuza kalula imbiza ye-ayisikhilimu ngosuku olubi futhi babhekane namaqiniso ngokuthi benzeni ngayo ngosuku olulandelayo. Lokhu kuyinzuzo enkulu yokuthandana nabesifazane abadala abesilisa abasebasha abafunga ngabo. Eqinisweni, amadoda asebasha athanda abesifazane abadala ngenxa yemizimba yabo egobile neyakhayo.
12. Beneliswe yimpilo
Njengoba abesifazane abadala benolwazi futhi bezinze kahle ngokomsebenzi, ngokuvamile, bahola okuqukethwe nempilo ejabulisayo. Izigigaba empilweni zibafundisa ukuthi bangathuki izinto ezincane. Bakholelwa ekuhambeni nje nokuphila kunokunikela ngakho konke ukuze baguqule isimo. Lo muzwa wokuzethemba uvame ukwenza abantu ababazungezile bazole futhi bangabi nazingxabano. Esinye sezizathu zokuthi amadoda asemancane aqome abesifazane abadala kungaba ukuzola, i-vibe yokuqukethwe eza nobuhlobo obunjalo. Izinsizwa eziningi zithi sezishintshile zaba ngcono ngemuva kokujola nowesifazane omdala.
13. Abesifazane abadala bazimisele futhi bathembekile
Enye impendulo ezwakalayo yombuzo othi kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala ukuthi aneliseke kakhulu ngobudlelwano abanabo. Futhi, ngokuvamile banempilo egcwele - ephelele ngomsebenzi, izintombi, nokuzibophezela komphakathi - kanye nesikhathi esincane sokudlala imidlalo namanye amadoda.
Abesifazane abasebasha banamandla engeziwe futhi ngokuvamile bachitha isikhathi esiningi ekutholeni umlingani ofanele abangahlala naye, ngakho-ke bangaqhubeka behlola izinketho zabo baze bathole lowo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane abadala bayakwazisa lokho abanakho futhi bavame ukukukhulisa hhayi ukuphuma ngoba nje kukhona okungcono eduze. Ebudlelwaneni nowesifazane osekhulile, amadoda akudingeki akhathazeke ngezinkinga ezifana nokungathembeki ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo.
14. Bazethemba kakhulu
Ukuzethemba kuqhakaza ngokuya ngeminyaka. Umuntu wesifazane osekhulile ngeke alindele ukuthi umlingani wakhe abe seduze kwakhe futhi ashaye ucingo njalo uma kukhona okungahambi ngendlela yakhe. Futhi ngeke adinge ukuqinisekiswa njalo kuye mayelana nokubaluleka kwakhe. Ukunethezeka esikhumbeni sakhe kumnika ukuzethemba ukuze angadangali, ngakho-ke owesifazane osekhulile ngokuvamile uyathandeka futhi kumnandi ukuba khona.
Owesifazane ovuthiwe akalondeki ngenxa yobuhle noma izinto ezifezwa abanye besifazane abaseduze kwakhe. Ukuhileleka ekuhlelweni nokuxabana okungenamsebenzi akusona isitayela sakhe. Zonke lezi zici zihlangene zimenza abe namandla okubhekana nawo. Akumangalisi-ke ukuthi izinsizwa eziningi kangaka zizithola zithi, “Ngithanda abesifazane abadala.”
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15. Abesifazane abadala abavinjelwa kancane ngokocansi
Abesifazane abadala abavimbeki kangako ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo futhi bayakwazi ukucela lokho abakufunayo. Kungani amadoda amancane ethanda abesifazane abadala? Ibhonasi eyengeziwe yobudlelwano obunjalo ukuthi owesifazane osekhulile:
- Uyazi ukuthi wenzani embhedeni, okwenza ukuzizwisa kujabulise kakhudlwana
- Kungaba nzima embhedeni futhi kungavivinywa ngama-kinks amasha noma imilingo
- Uyazi ukubaluleka kokukhulumisana ekamelweni futhi ngaleyo ndlela ivumela ukuphila okusondelene okwanelisayo
I-Infographic Yendlela Yokwenza Owesifazane Omdala Osemusha Romance Asebenze
Yize kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani abesilisa abasebasha bathanda abesifazane abadala, njenganoma yibuphi obunye ubudlelwano, lobu budlelwano begebe lobudala bufika nengxenye yabo yezinselelo. Uma uzithola usebudlelwaneni obunjalo, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi uzulazula kanjani kulokhu kukhuphuka nokwehla ngobuchule. Kulapho kuphela lapho ungavula indlela yokuxhumana okunempilo, okuhlala njalo. Ukuze senze lokho, ake sibheke ukuthi ungayenza kanjani i-romance yowesifazane osekhulile:
imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa
I-slang yensizwa ethandana nowesifazane omdala ingumzingeli we-cougar. Kodwa mhlawumbe, kufanele sisuse lawa malebula. Uma owesifazane osekhulile ethandana nensizwa ejabulisa abantu ababili, akukho okunye okufanele kunendaba. Impela, akuwona amalebula okwahlulela umphakathi oqhamuke nawo. Engeza isithombe
Uma umuntu esothandweni, igebe leminyaka liba lingasho lutho. Ukuwela kothile kwenzeka ngokwemvelo nangokomzimba, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi igebe leminyaka lingakanani. Yebo, uthando lowesifazane osemusha lungase lungamukeleki emphakathini kodwa ekugcineni, okubalulekile yilokho okukujabulisayo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uchwepheshe wobudlelwano uSusan Winter weluleka ngezimpendulo ezinonya njengokuthi “Oh ngiyisithandwa sakhe, umama wakhe mncane kakhulu!”
Mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi ukhangwa amandla nomdlandla wabo, okungenzeka ukuthi awukho emadodeni amadala. Imibhangqwana yabesifazane abavuthiwe nezinsizwa zenzeka ngoba umfana omncane uvulekele ukuzama izinto ezintsha/okuhlangenwe nakho (ngokungafani namadoda amadala aqinile). Ungacabangi ngokweqile. Uma ufuna iseluleko, nanka amagama amabili: “Gqoka!”
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Abantu abaningi bathanda abesifazane asebekhulile ngenxa yokuzimela kwabo, isipiliyoni socansi, ukuzinza nokwethembeka
- Bazibophezele, bavuthiwe futhi baxhumene kakhulu neqiniso
- Amadoda amaningi athanda abesifazane abadala ngenxa yokukhuliswa kwabo; bahlobanisa abesifazane abadala nemfudumalo nokuphepha kothando lukamama
- Ezinye izinzuzo ukuthi abesifazane abadala abadli kakhulu futhi bangakwazi ngisho nokuhlukana ngokuvuthiwe
Imicabango Final
Sezadlula izinsuku lapho abesilisa abasebasha abathandana nabesifazane abadala kwakubhekwa njengento engafanele. Ungavumeli izithiyo ezilethwa iminyaka yokuphila komphakathi mayelana nokuthi ubudlelwano bothando obufanele kufanele bubukeke kanjani buphazamise. Ubuwazi ukuthi uMongameli waseFrance u-Emmanuel Macron nomkakhe uBrigitte bahlangana okokuqala esikoleni esiphakeme? Kwakungesikhathi u-Emmanuel eseneminyaka engu-15 ubudala esikoleni esiphakeme futhi uBrigitte enguthisha wedrama. Naphezu kwegebe leminyaka engu-24, baqhubeka nomshado ophumelelayo. Eqinisweni, uBrigitte unendodana endala kuno-Emmanuel ngeminyaka emibili! Lapho amadoda amaningi njengaye ayengenandaba nalokho okwakulindelwe umphakathi, kungani kufanele? Ngakho-ke, njengomongameli, landela inhliziyo yakho, okunye kungumsindo nje.
11 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Ukuze Ube Nomshado Wesibili Ophumelelayo
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Abesifazane abadala banolwazi oluningi nokunakekelwa okuhle