Kāore au i te whakaaro kei te aroha ahau ki taku tāne i ēnei rā

Ko te aroha te kare ā-roto tino ataahua rawa atu, engari he āhua pakarukaru tēnā, nā te mea i tētahi rā, pērā tonu, ka taea e koe te ngaro atu i te aroha. Ae, he uaua te mutunga o ngā whanaungatanga, engari he uaua ake te ngaro atu i te aroha i a te tangata e noho wareware ana.

Me pēhea taku whakaae kāore au e aroha ana ki taku tāne i ēnei rā? Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kāore koe e aroha ana ki tētahi? Āe, ko te mea pono, kei reira katoa ngā tohu, kāore noa tātou e kite i aua tohu, engari, kei te noho tātou i roto i te whakakahore kei te tupu tēnei ki a tātou. Heoi anō, ina mutu tō aroha ki tētahi i whakaaro koe ka noho tahi kōrua ake tonu atu.

Kāore au e aroha ana ki taku tāne i ēnei rā: He aha tāku e taea ai?

Ka taea e koe te kite i ngā tohu katoa kāore koe e aroha ana ki a ia? Ki te taea e koe te kite i te he tohu kua tae ki te wā okiokinga – he whanaungatanga e pā ana, e kore e mutu, he pakanga tonu, me ngā hapa whakawhitiwhiti kōrero e kore e taea te karo, kāore e taea e koe te mawhiti i te ao tūturu i ēnei rā.

Kōrerotia te pono ki a koe anō; kī atu ki a koe anō, 'Kāore au e aroha ana ki taku tāne'. E mōhio ana ahau he uaua, engari kua pā ki ahau, ā, ko te mea anake e kino atu ana i tēnei kare ā-roto ko te haere tonu ki te noho i taua ara anō nā te mea kei te mataku rawa koe ki te whakaae ki te ao tūturu.

Kāore i te maiohatia te noho hei wahine mahi i tōku kāinga

He ata Rātapu rerekē. I noho puku ahau me taku kapu kawhe. I waho ngā tamariki i te puni mai i te kura. Ā, i te mutunga, ka kitea e au he wā mōku ake i te taha o te taupee.

I rongo ahau i a Darren e kōrero ana mō te ahunga whakamua o ngā tamariki i roto i te mātauranga me te whanonga, me tōna whaea i te tēpu parakuihi. I te tēpu parakuihi, i tino kitea kāore rātou i tino harikoa mō taku ngaro. I whakahua taku hungawai i ngā tauira mai i te hapori o ngā whaea kua harikoa ki te whakarērea i ā rātou mahi hei whakatipu i ngā tamariki.

I tere tonu te huri a Darren i te kaupapa ki te whakamahi i taku wā kia pai ake ai, nā te mea he maha ngā rā ka mahi ahau i te kāinga. I menemene ahau ki a au anō. He maha ā māua kōrero mō tēnei mea, ā, i mutu ake i roto i ngā tautohetohe werawera.

Te pānui e pā ana: I whakarērea ahau e taku wahine i muri i ngā tau 40, ā, e harikoa ana ahau mōna.

Taku korero tuara

I tūtaki ahau ki a Darren i te kāreti. He mea whakamiharo tonu taku mahi mātauranga. Nā taku whai wāhi atu ki ngā huihuinga kāreti me taku āhua pai i kukume mai i ētahi tama. Heoi, i aroha ahau ki a Darren ahakoa tōna āhua noa i ngā taumata katoa. He tama ngāwari, harakore ia, i aroha ki ahau me tōna ngākau katoa. I oti pai taku whakawhiwhinga tohu. I whiwhi noa a Darren i te kaute toharite.

I moe māua. E rua ngā kamupene hangarau nui e mahi ana māua. Ahakoa te iti o ana māka, i whiwhi a Darren i te mahi. He haerenga roa o te whakahoahoa te oranga marena, e whakataurite ana i ā māua mahi me tō māua oranga whaiaro. Kātahi ka puta te mea kāore i whakaarohia. I tētahi ata, ka kitea e au kua hapu ahau. Whai muri i te whakaaroaro nui, ka whakatau ahau ngā take hei haere tonu me te haputanga he pūmau, ā, kāore he mea i taea te whakatenatena i ahau.

I aroha ahau ki tōku whānau iti

Kāore au i rite mō tēnā. Engari i taupokina te wahine mahi i roto i ahau e ōku kare ā-roto whaea. E iwa marama i muri mai, ka whānau mai he māhanga tama māku – a Raymon rāua ko Roy. Kāore i roa, ka tīmata taku ao ki te huri ki a rāua tokorua, ngā aporo o ōku kanohi.

I roto i te haerenga pōrearea, i noho ara ahau i te pō, i kore e oti ngā kaupapa, i ngaro ngā kaiawhina kāinga, i kore te hungawai e pai ki te tautoko, me te iti noa o te āwhina a Darren. I tino pukumahi ngā mea, ā, kāore i taea te whakaaro. I whakahaere ko au anake i taku mahi me aku oranga iti e rua. I pukumahi a Darren ki te piki i te arawhata umanga.

He maha ngā mea i akohia e au i te whakataurite i waenga i te mahi me te oranga. I kite ahau e aroha ana ahau ki taku mahi, e aroha ana ahau ki aku tamariki nohinohi nui atu i taku e taea te whakapuaki, ā, i ako anō hoki ahau kāore au i te aroha ki a ia i ēnei rā. I āta haere taku ngaro atu i te aroha ki taku tāne, engari he āta haere tonu.

Te pānui e pā ana: He aha te mea hei mahi ina whakaititia koe e tō tāne

I whakatūria e au tētahi whakaritenga

I te mutunga, ka whakatau ahau ki te neke ki tētahi kaupapa ka taea e au te mahi mai i te kāinga i te nuinga o te wā. Kāore i te oati i te tipu o taku mahi. I whakaae te whaea i roto i ahau he mea nui ake te tiaki i ngā tamariki. Kāore au i te āhei ki te mātakitaki i aku tamariki e tangohia ana te manaaki e tika ana kia whiwhi rātou.

I te ao, i te pō, i uaua ahau ki aku kaupapa, ki aku mahi, ki ngā mahi kāinga a ngā tamariki, ki ngā mahi i waho o te kura, ki te hungawai wahine e mate ana, me ngā mahi o te whare mutunga kore. He mea noa te kore moe i te pō. I ngana ahau ki te kōrero ki a Darren engari kāore i angitu.

Kāore ia i mārama ehara te mahi tiaki tamariki i te otinga, engari mā te noho tahi me te mahi tahi a ngā mema o te whānau, inā koa ko ia, ka pai ake te āhua. I amuamu anō hoki ia kāore taku mahi i te haere pērā i te whakamahere, nō reira he nui ake āna kawenga pūtea inaianei. Nō reira, me aro nui atu ia ki tana mahi, kaua ki ngā mea iti o te whare.

I ohorere ahau. I te werawera o taua wā, ka kī atu ahau ko au te tangata e utu ana i te EMI o te whare. Nā tēnei i kino ake ai te āhua. I muri mai i ā mātou tautohetohe, ka tīmata te wā puku whakamā ki te whakamataku i ngā tamariki.

I pakaru te marena

I whakaaro ahau he aha te mea i tino whakarerekē ai a Darren, me te aha hoki kāore au i te aroha ki a ia i ēnei rā. I whawhai ahau, i tangi, i kōrero; kāore he mea i āwhina. I kī atu ahau kia haere ki te wānanga i taua wā, engari kāore ia i rite. Kāore he whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tā māua marena.

He maha ngā kōrero a Darren mō ngā wāhine e tino angitu ana i roto i ā rātou mahi me te whaea hoki. He tino angitu hoki rātou ki te whakaatu i a rātou anō. I pōuri ahau. Kātahi ka pā mai te whakaaro: kāore au i te aroha i muri mai nā te mea i whakaiti tonu ia i ahau, ā, i meinga ahau kia ruarua i ahau anō. Ā, ehara i te mea koinā te āhua e tika ana kia whakaarohia e tō hoa.

I pērā ahau kāore i te pai rawa atu

Kāore i te rawaka taku mahi? I mahue i ahau tētahi kohatu kāore i hurihia? I rapu ahau i te whakautu, i ia rā, i ia rā. I whakapono tonu ahau he pai ahau engari kāore i te ranea ki te whakatutuki i ngā hiahia katoa. Ehara ahau i te Wahine Tino Pai, he pai noa iho ki ngā mea katoa.

Ahakoa te 35 o ōku tau, kei te āhua tonu ahau me te mea kei roto ahau i te mutunga o ngā tau 20 engari kāore i te tino ataahua. He utu taku hei utu i ngā utunga o tō mātou whare me ētahi atu hiahia o te whānau engari kāore i te ranea hei whakahaere i tētahi oranga pai. He pai taku waiata, he pai taku kōrero engari kāore aku pūkenga PR i te tino pai.

He mea whakamiharo, ka hokona mai e Darren ngā kākahu utu nui me ngā whakapaipai māku, kāore au i tono atu, engari kāore i whakaae mai ki aku mahi. Ka tīmata ahau ki te wehe atu i a ia. I pau aku pō kore moe i te pouri i te whakaaro kāore a Darren e aroha mai ana ki ahau. He aha te hē o tā māua whanaungatanga?

Te pānui e pā ana: Te raruraru o waenganui-o-te-oranga mō te wahine: He aha te mea? Me pēhea te whakatau?

Nā te aha rā i mōhio ai ahau kāore au i te aroha ki a ia i ēnei rā? I aroha rānei ahau ki a ia i mua? He pono, kāore au i te mōhio. Ina hoki, kāore au i te hiahia ki te tātari i tēnei i ēnei rā. Ko aku tamariki anake e aro nui ana ki ahau, ko aku hihi o te tumanako… e akiaki ana i ahau ki te waiata, ki te tuhituhi, ki te tākaro, ā, ko te mea nui ake, ko te kata.

He mea rerekē, engari i whakaae ahau kua kore ahau e aroha ki taku tāne. Whai muri i ēnei tau katoa, ka whakatau māua kia wehe nā te mea koinā te mea pai mō ā māua tamariki, ā, he pono, mōku anō hoki. He uaua ki te whakamanawanui ki te whai i tētahi e whakahē ana, e whakaiti ana i ahau ahakoa e mōhio ana ahau he tangata pai ake ahau i a rātou. Engari kua mutu taku mahi inaianei. Ka noho ahau i tōku ao i te ara e hiahia ana ahau.

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