He aha ahau i tino whakapōrearea ai e taku tāne — 10 ngā take me ngā tohutohu hei karo

Hei mōhio atu mō tēnei raruraru (tino noa), i tahuri ahau ki aua puna tohutohu ipurangi – a Quora me Reddit – ā, i tino tutuki i a rātou. Mena kua whakaaro koe ki a koe anō, "He aha ahau i tino pōuri ai ki taku tāne?", kāti, kei te ruku hohonu tātou ki ngā take me ngā mea hei mahi a mua tata nei. Engari tuatahi, me wetewete tātou i tētahi whaki tino whai kiko nā tētahi Reddit kaiwhakamahi.

E mea ana ia, "He nui te ngahau o māua ko taku tāne, ā, he whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. Heoi anō, i roto i ngā tau, ka whakaae ahau kāore au e aro nui ana ki taku tāne. Kāore au e whakahihiri ana i ngā mahi āna e mahia ana i roto i te rūma moe; kāore au e hihirihia e tōna āhua; kāore noa ahau e aro nui ana ki a ia."

Kei te rangona ngā kare ā-roto rite puta noa i te Ipurangi (ā, e tino mōhio ana ahau kei roto i ō hoa me ō hoa). I roto i te ao uaua o ngā whanaungatanga, he mea whakararuraru, he mea whakapouri hoki te hinganga i te hiahia (me te aroha). Nō reira, i pātai atu mātou ki a Tākuta. Hefali Batra (MD i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga hinengaro me te kaiwhakaora whanonga hinengaro nō California e tohunga ana ki te tohutohu mō te wehenga me te whakarere, te wehenga me te taatai, me ngā take hototahi i mua i te marena, mō te pūtake o tēnei āhuatanga me te mea he huarahi hei whakaoho anō i taua mura e mate ana.

He aha ahau i tino whakarihariha ai ki taku tāne?

"He aha te mea e pā ana ki ahau? He aha i kore ai ōku aroha ki taku tāne i ēnei rā?" Mena ko koe tēnei, me hoki whakamuri tātou. Ka tāpiri atu a Tākuta Batra "e toru ngā take matua e memeha ai te hiahia:

• Te kore whakaute
• Te kore o te paanga
• Me te kore o te wā.”

I mua i tō mahi i tētahi mea nui, me titiro tātou ki ngā take pea e pōuri ai koe i tō hoa rangatira, e ai ki te whakaae a te ipurangi me tā mātou tohunga noho, a Tākuta Batra:

1. Kua tīmata te mahi o ia rā

Ehara i te mea he ohorere pai ia rā, kī tonu i te aroha me te te whakamoemiti. Ka pahemo te wā. Ka huri ngā hoa tokorua. Ko te oranga o ia rā, ngā rārangi mahi, me ngā mahinga o ia rā ka arahi pea ki te momotu kare ā-roto.

Ahakoa te kore o te tūpato, ka mate pea te hunga tino kaha o te whanaungatanga moepuku. Nō reira, ka taea e te riri me te mauahara te uru mai. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, ka tīmata tētahi (tērā rānei) o kōrua ki te rapu i te mura hou i roto i ētahi atu.

Te pānui e pā ana: 13 Ngā Tohu Ngāwari Kāore tō Wahine e Aroaro Ana ki a Koe - Me ngā Mea e 5 Ka Taea e Koe te Mahi

2. Kua kino haere te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

A ako mō te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te pai o te whanaungatanga i roto i te wā e whakaatu mārama ana "ka taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te tohu i te hekenga o te pai o te whanaungatanga a meake nei."

Ko aua rā tōmua, ngā rā whakahihiri o te aroha me te hiahia ki te whakapau i ia meneti o te ara ki te kōrero mō ngā oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, ka memeha haere hei mea noa ake, hei mea noa ake. Kāore he take e manukanuka ai. Ko te mea e manukanuka ana ko te kore rawa o kōrua ko tō hoa e kōrero mō tētahi mea nui i ēnei rā. Anei tētahi rārangi arowhai māu:

• Kei te kitea e koe te kore o whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-roto?
• Āhea te wā whakamutunga i noho tahi ai kōrua, i kōrero pono ai, i kōrero tuwhera ai tetahi ki tetahi?
• Kei te whakawhirinaki koe ki tō hoa rangatira kia tuwhera ai ō whakaaro ki a ia?

Mena ko tāu whakautu he "Kua roa rawa mō tēnei katoa," ehara i te mea miharo kei te memeha haere ō kare ā-roto. Me whai kōrero tuwhera te whanaungatanga hauora kia tupu ai, kia tupu ai.

3. Kāore koe e aro nui ana ki a ia nā te mea kei te piki haere tonu ngā pakanga

rangahau e whakaatu ana "nā te nui ake o te pakanga i whakaiti i te kukume o ngā wāhine." Whakaarohia te wā whakamutunga i wehea ō kare ā-roto e koe mai i tō hoa rangatira, ka pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kei te pupuri tonu koe i ōu riri me ōu riri. Tērā pea ko tāu whakautu te take o tāu pātai, "He aha ahau i tino whakarihariha ai ki taku tāne?"

Mā ēnei whanonga pumau ka piki ake te heke o te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i te tokorua:

• Ngā pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ka tere te piki haere
• Ngā tautohe e iri ana
• Te whanonga kino e kore e arohia
• Kāore i tutuki ngā tumanakohanga me ngā whakahē tonu e whakapiki ana i te wehenga o ngā kare ā-roto me te korenga o te kukume tinana

Te pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Mea Ka Tupu Ina Ngaro te Hiahia o te Wahine ki tana Tāne

4. Kāore he hononga ki te tāne i ēnei rā? Tirohia mēnā kua nui ake te ahotea o tō kōrua oranga tahi

He maha ngā āhuatanga ka whai wāhi ki te wehenga o ngā kare ā-roto mai i tō hoa rangatira, pērā i:

• Te pēhanga mahi
• Ngā ahotea whaiaro
• Te whanonga whakarei
• Nga take tahua
• Te hauora hinengaro kino

Ka tāpiri atu a Tākuta Batra, "Tērā pea he āwangawanga tūturu te kore wā, ina koa ka whakakahoretia koe e tō tāne, engari ehara i te mea koinei anake te take. Ina honoa ki ngā tohu tuatahi e rua i runga ake nei, ka whakaitihia e te kore wā e noho tahi ana te homoni o te noho tahi, te oxytocin, e kaha ake ai te wehe i waenganui i te tokorua."

Ko te hiahia ā-ira tangata me te whanaungatanga ā-tinana kei te tata ngaro atu i te whārite. Kia ora ai te marena, he mea nui te kimi i tētahi pūnaha tautoko. Kāore he whakama ki te rapu āwhina ngaio hei whakaora anō i te hononga kare ā-roto me te hiahia ā-ira tangata i roto i tō kōrua marena.

5. Ka pā kino ngā panonitanga o te āhua ki te kukume

Kāore mātou e kōrero ana mō te whakanui noa i ētahi pauna i konei, i reira rānei, mō te whakangāwari rānei i ētahi wā whakapaipai whaiaro. Mēnā he pēnei te tangi o ō amuamu auau – "kua 'tuku' e taku tāne te āhua o te tiaki i tōna āhua" – tera pea ka pāngia tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

Te whakaiti i a koe ano Ka pā anō hoki ngā āhuatanga kino o te whakarerekētanga o te āhua ki ngā mahi a te tangata, ka puta ai he huringa kino o te mauahara me te whakarihariha.

6. Ko te koretake tonu te kare ā-roto o tō marena

"Ka tino memeha haere te hiahia ina mutu te whakaute o te tokorua tetahi ki tetahi. Ko te tikanga he maha tonu ā rāua wheako me te whakaatu i ngā rerekētanga me ngā kino i roto i ngā huarahi whakaute kore pēnei i te tautohetohe, te whakapae, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kaha, te whakapae, te whakatoi, me te maha atu," te whakamārama a Tākuta Batra.

I tō tūtakitanga tuatahi ki tāu tāne, he tino rerekē te ao. I roto i te kaha o te hiahia tuatahi, kāore tetahi o kōrua e hē, he tika? I te huringa o ngā tau, tera pea ka tinihangatia koe mō ngā mea i oatitia me ngā mea i puta i a koe. Ka taea e tēnei kare o te pouri te whakararuraru nui i roto i te rūma moe, i waho hoki i te rūma moe.

Kua tae pea te wā ki te arotake anō i ō tumanakohanga, te kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira, me te waihanga i ngā rohe hauora.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me aha koe mēnā kei te momotu koe i tō hoa?

7. "Kei te ahua kua motuhia ahau i taku tāne" — Mā te tāpiri i ngā tamariki ki te ranunga ka puta tēnei huringa

Pātai atu ki tētahi mātua, ā, ka whakaae rātou he tino uaua te whānau tamariki. Kāore he mea hei whakarite i a koe mō ngā tamariki. Ko ngā pō moe kore, ko ngā āwangawanga hauora, ko ngā whakapaunga, ko te whakararuraru i ngā whānau … he maha atu anō ngā mea. Ko ēnei katoa, ka pā ki te kounga o te wā e noho tahi ana koe me tō mahi moe tāne, wahine rānei.

Ka tāpiri atu a Tākuta Batra, "Ka puta te kore hiahia ina uru te tokorua ki te 'aratau hoa noho', ā, kāore he hiahia ki te noho hei hoa mō tetahi. Kāore koe e atawhai, e whāngai, e miharo rānei i tetahi ki ngā mea reka koretake, i mua he mea nui ki ngā mema e rua. Kāore rātou e kite i te hiahia ki te mahi i tēnei." kia motuhake te tangata kē atu ā, ko te pātai e kore e taea te karo – he aha ahau i tino whakarihariha ai ki taku tāne – ka puta ake i ngā wā katoa.”

Hei neke atu i tēnei wā o te kore e arohia e tō tāne, me whakapau kaha koe, me te whakapau kaha ki te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi. Ki te kore he kawenga tahi, me te kore kōrero tuwhera, ka arahi pea koe ki te whakarihariha moepuku.

8. Mā te kore whakawhirinaki me te kore pono ka arahi pea ki ngā rerekētanga kāore e taea te whakatau me te momotu kare ā-roto

Ina pāngia te whanaungatanga e te kore pono, te āhua nei kāore e taea te anga whakamua me te wareware i te mamae e pā ana ki taua mamae. Pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā:

• Kāore koe e kite ana i tētahi hononga ki tō tāne i ēnei rā, ā, ki te mea kua pakaru te whakawhirinaki i waenganui i a kōrua
• Kua pakaru te whakawhirinaki, kua ngokingoki haere ngā feaa me ngā whakapae i waenganui i a kōrua
• Kāore he wāhi haumaru hei tahuri atu, ā, kei te titiro koe ki waho o tō hoa rangatira mō te whakamarie me te pumau e hiahiatia ana e koe.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Whakaaro o Ia Ina Kāore Koe e Whakahē i a Ia – 11 Ngā Whakakitenga Whakamiharo

9. Ka huri te tangata

He mea maori te hurihanga o kōrua ko tō tāne i te roanga o te wā. Tērā pea ka kitea ēnei huringa i roto i tō āhua tinana, i tō hiahia moepuku, i ō hiahia ōrite, tae atu ki te tipu ake o tō kōrua ake.

Mena kua rerekē ō hiahia ki tētahi taumata, ā, kāore e kitea e koe tētahi atu te tūnga ōrite i roto i te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea onge te noho whakarihariha me te kimi whakamārama hei whakakāhore i a koe e tō hoa.

10. Kāore he kaha ki te pupuri i te mura

He aha te mea i puta tuatahi? Ko ngā kare ā-roto o te whakarihariha, ko te kore rānei o te hiahia moepuku? He pātai mutunga kore tēnei, kāore? ako e kī ana "he nui ake te pānga o ngā huihuinga whanaungatanga ki te kukume tinana o ngā wāhine i ngā tāne. E whakapono ana mātou he nui ake te aro o ngā wāhine ki ngā huihuinga rerekē o te whanaungatanga (pēnei i):

• Te kaha me te kounga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero
• He maha ake ngā kihi
• He wheako moepuku pai
• "Te aroaro o tētahi pō whakatau."

I piki ake ēnei katoa i te te kukume tinana o te wahine ki tana hoa. Nō reira, kia tupu ai te whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia:

• E whakaae ana koe ki te korenga o te hiahia moepuku hauora, auau hoki
• Ka kōrero pono kōrua mō ō kōrua hiahia mō te whanaungatanga piripono, ngā moemoeā ā-ira tangata, me te āhua o te tinana o tētahi ki tētahi (ehara i te mea "he kino koe" engari "Kei te ngaro ahau i tō whakapaipai i a koe i ngā wā katoa")
• Ka whakatakoto koe i ō tumanakohanga mō te pono me te whakawhirinaki
• Ka kōrero koe ki tētahi kaimahi hapori haumanu whai raihana, ka rapu rānei i ngā tohutohu ngaio hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i tēnei āhuatanga tairongo

Me pēhea te kukume i tō hoa ki tāu tāne

"Kua tino whakarihariha ahau ki taku tāne."
"He whakarihariha taku tāne ki ahau mō te moepuku."
"Kāore ōku kare ā-roto ki taku tāne i ēnei rā."

He kare ā-roto tika ēnei, kāore e memeha noa. Me whakaaroaro koe, me pātai hoki mō tō tūranga i roto i tēnei āhuatanga hei whakatika i te hononga kare ā-roto, ā, whakahokia mai te mura o te whanaungatangaHe mea nui anō hoki te titiro ki ngā mea mai i te tirohanga a tō hoa hei whakaaroaro i a koe anō. Mēnā ka uaua rawa ngā mea, ka hiahia pea koe ki te āwhina ngaio mai i tētahi kaiwhakaora whānau.

Anei ētahi mahi whai hua hei mahi māu kia hoki anō ai tō aroha ki tāu tāne:

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Kore o te Aroha me te Whawhai i roto i te Hononga — 9 Ngā Huarahi e Pā Ana ki a Koe

1. Kia pono ki a ia

E mōhio ana mātou he ngāwari ake te kōrero i te mahi, engari ki te hiahia koe ki te whakaara anō i tō oranga moepuku, me te whakatika i te tawhiti o te kare ā-roto i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa rangatira, ko te mahi tuatahi ko te kōrero tuwhera me te pono. Kua tae ki te wā ki te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa ki te aroaro o te marea mēnā he mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe tae noa ki te wā e momotu ai tō hononga. Tērā pea ko ēnei:

• Tōna āhua tinana
• Ko tōna kore kawenga
• Tōna hauora hinengaro, tō hauora hinengaro rānei
• Ōu ake kare ā-roto o te kore aro me te kore whakawhirinaki

Te taupatupatu raru ka taea anake te puta ina tīmata he kōrero pakari i waenganui i a kōrua.

2. Tonoa he āwhina hei whakapūmau i te tawhiti ā-ira me tō hoa rangatira

Kua kōrerotia e mātou i mua, ā, ka kōrerotia anō e mātou. Mō te whakapai ake i tō marena, kāore he whakama ki te tiki tautoko ngaio hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatere i te mara maina o ngā kare ā-roto e pā ana ki te whakatau pakanga. Ka tukuna hoki e te rongoā he wāhi haumaru mō ngā hoa e rua ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou amuamu. Ko te kaitohutohu raihana te tuatoru tino hiahiatia i roto i ēnei āhuatanga.

3. Whakaritea te tiaki whaiaro

Ka tīmata te hauora hinengaro i a koe anō. Ki te pāngia koe e te manukanuka, e te pouri rānei, he mea tino uaua ki te whai whakaaro pai me te aroha ki tō hoa. Whakaritea he wā mō te tiaki-whaiaro ā, whakaritea ō ake hiahia ki te kaupapa matua. Anei te take:

• Mā te whakahaere i ō taumata ahotea ka āwhina i te waihanga i tētahi taiao pai ake i te kāinga
• Ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatika i ētahi o ngā raruraru kare ā-roto e whakararuraru ana i tō marena.
• Mena he āhuatanga hauora kei te pā ki tō hiahia moepuku, me aro atu ki ēnā mea hei oranga mōu whānui.

Te pānui e pā ana: 17 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Kāore e Hototahi

4. Kāore koe i te aro atu ki tāu tāne? Tirohia anō ngā wā pai

Whakamaumahara ki a koe anō he aha koe i aroha ai i te tuatahi. Me mahi tetahi mea hei whakahoki mai i ngā maharatanga pai, kaua e aro ki ngā kaha kino o nāianei. Whakamātauria tēnei:

• Whakaritea nga po ra i ia wa
• Whakaritea he wā māu me te kore tamariki
• Whakamaherehia he wā poto mōna

Ko te wa ki whakapau kaha hei whakamahara i a koe anō i mua i roto rawa kōrua i te hiahia (me te aroha) me tō hoa.

5. Whakanuia tō adrenaline

Ahakoa te āhua nui rawa atu o tēnei, mā te rapu i ngā mahi mōrearea ka āwhina i tō whanaungatanga. I roto i te ao tawhito ako Nā Arthur Aron, i kitea ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i uru ki ngā mahi hou, whakaohooho hoki, i nui ake te pai o te whanaungatanga i ērā i uru ki ngā mahi noa, haumaru ake.

Ina whāngaihia koe e tō whanaungatanga ki ngā kare ā-roto kaha, pai hoki, te tango noa i te tangata kē ka uaua haere. Ko te rapu i te ahuareka tētahi huarahi hei pupuri i te hiahia ki tō hoa, ā, he maha ngā wā ka puta he pānga kino ki ētahi atu wāhanga o tō koiora.

Ahakoa kāore tō tāne e whakaoho ana i a koe, kua tae rānei koe ki te wāhi e whakarihariha ana koe ki ana mahi katoa, me mārama koe ki ngā take o ēnei kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei pea koe e ārahi ki tētahi haerenga o te tūhuratanga i a koe anō. Kia aro atu koe ki ngā kare ā-roto "he aha ahau i tino whakahēngia ai e taku tāne?" me te pono me te whai hua, ka taea e koe te mahi ki te whakaoho anō i te hiahia me te kukume.

Ehara tēnei i te wā mō ngā whakatikatika tere, ngā whakatau whakamutunga rānei. Ka whanake haere, ka rerekē haere ngā whanaungatanga roa i roto i te wā, engari mā te whakapau kaha, te manawanui, me te tautoko tika, ka nui ake te tūponotanga o tō marena kia ora i tō whakaaro.

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