I ētahi wā o te ao, ka tūtaki koe ki tētahi tangata rawakore – he tangata kāore e mōhio he aha te wāhi. Ahakoa te wāhi e haere ana koe, kei reira rātou, ko tāu inu tino pai kei te taha. He rite ki tētahi kurī mokemoke, mākū – kāore e taea te mahi me te kore koe. He pono, he ātaahua te tīmatanga. Engari, ina kore rātou e whakarērea tō taha, ā, kāore hoki e tukua kia mahi ko koe anake, ka tere te tawhito.
E whakaae ana mātou he whakarihariha ngā tāne piripono. Engari me pēhea e wehewehe ai i waenga i te wātea o te ngākau me te piripono? Kei konei mātou i tēnei rā hei āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā tohu noa o te hiahia o te hoa tāne. Ā, hei matapaki i tēnei, i kōrero mātou ki Sampreeti Das (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Haumanu me te Kairangahau PhD), he tohunga ki te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-Roto me te Hinengaro Whakaora Whānui me te Whakawhiti.
He aha te mea e hiahia ai te tangata?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ko te tikanga tuku iho o te tūranga ira tangata, he āhua pōuri te āhua o ngā tāne, ā, me pupuri tonu ō rātou kare ā-roto, me te hanga i tētahi āhua pakari. He tohu pai te noho pūmau o tō tāne ki tōna āhua tāne, ā, ka taea e ia te whakapuaki i ōna hiahia kare ā-roto. Ina Ka whiriwhiri te tāne kia noho ngoikore ki te wahine he tāne rānei, ā, ka puta mai i roto i tōna angaanga, me tino whakamarie ia i a rātou.
Engari kāore he mea nui rawa e manakohia ana e te tangata. He pai tonu i tana noho waea mai tae noa ki te 3 karaka i ia pō ki te kōrero ki a koe i muri tonu i tō kōrua tīmatanga ki te whakaipoipo. Engari me hoki kōrua ki te āhua noa i te mea kua pakeke haere te whanaungatanga, ā, kāore pea e taea te noho ara i te pō katoa ina he hui ata pō i te aonga ake. Ā, koinei te wā ka kitea nuitia ai ngā tohu o te tangata e matekiri ana i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Mā te hiahia tonu o ngā tāne piripono ka āta ngaro tō hiahia ki a rātou. Mena kei te raru koe i te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne hiahia, me rapu pea koe i ngā take o tana whanonga i mua i te whakarērea rawatia te whakaaro ki te whai hoa rangatira mōna. Nā, he aha te take e hiahia ai te tāne ki te aroha? Mō te nuinga o ngā tāne piripono, ko te wehi nui o te whakarērea te mea e pupuri pūmau ana rātou ki tā rātou hoa, ā, tera pea ka mate te tangata kē atu.
Mena kāore i tutukihia ōna hiahia i a ia e tamariki ana e ngā kaitiaki matua, i pāngia rānei ia e te mamae o te wehenga o ōna mātua, he mea tino noa te tūponotanga o aua mataku ki te whakararu i ōna whanaungatanga katoa ā muri ake nei. Ko te kore e māia ki te tūnga pūtea, te āhua, te ngoikore rānei o ngā pūkenga ki te mahi tahi, tera pea ka whai wāhi atu ki ngā āhuatanga noa o te tangata rawakore. Kua whakarārangihia e mātou ētahi take e hiahia ana te tangata ki te aroha:
- Te hae whaitake/koretake ki ō hoa tāne, ki ō hoa mohio, me ō hoa mahi
- Kāore he oranga, he porowhita pāpori rānei mōna ake e huri ai tōna ao ki a koe
- Te whakawhirinaki tahi, ētahi atu momo rānei kāhua āpiti kore haumaru
- E whakaaro ana ia kei te pupuri koe i a ia i tawhiti
- Te wehi kei mahue ko koe anake
- Te mamae o te tamarikitanga, o ngā whanaungatanga o mua rānei
- He raruraru kare ā-roto rangitahi pea tēnei, ā, me nui ake te tautoko e hiahiatia ana e ia i te tikanga hei whakatau i tēnei raruraru.
He aha ngā tohu o te tangata rawakore?
He uaua pea te kite i ngā tohu o tētahi tāne e matekiri ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i te tīmatanga. Tērā pea ka haere tonu ia ki tō wāhi mahi kia taea ai e kōrua te tina tahi, ā, ka pōuri ō hoa mahi i te ataahua o te katoa. Engari i te 275th ā, i tōna wā e mahi ana ia i tēnā, ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro mēnā he oranga anō tōna i waho atu i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
Kei hea ia i ngā wā katoa? Kei hea ōna hoa? Āhea ia e mahi ana? E te Atua, kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tāne rawakore nā te mea e whakaatu ana ia i ngā tohu katoa o tētahi tāne tino matekiri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Āe, kua tae ki te wā kia kitea. Anei ngā tohu whakatūpato e waru mō tētahi tāne rawakore me tirotiro e koe:
1. E hiahia tonu ana ia ki te noho tahi me koe
Ina aroha koe, ka hiahia koe ki te whakapau wā ki a koe anō. E mārama ana mātou ki tēnā. Ko ngā marama tuatahi o te whanaungatanga he whakapau i ngā wā katoa e ara ake ana koe ki a koe anō. Ka peke koe i ngā akomanga, ka haere pō ki te mahi, ka puku atu i tō whare ki te whakapau i ētahi atu hāora ki a rātou. Engari he rohe tonu tōna.
Ahakoa ka ngaro koe i a rātou i ia wā e manawa ana koe, kāore pea koe e whakarērea rawatia te mahi, te ako, me te oranga pāpori kia taea ai e koe te moe, te kai, te paraihe, me te tūtae tahi me rātou. Ki te hiahia ia ki te noho tahi me koe i te rā katoa, i ia rā, ahakoa te utu mō tana mahi me tana oranga pāpori, ki taku whakaaro kei a koe he hoa tāne e hiahia ana ki ngā kare ā-roto. Ina huri te ātaahua ki te piri me te pukuriri, koinā te wā ka raru tātou.
Sampreeti e kī ana, "Ehara te pātai i te mea ko te hiahia noa ki te noho tahi me te hoa, engari, ko te take e pā ana ki te hiahia o te tangata ki te whakapau i te wā ki te hoa, engari ko te take e pāngia ai te hiahia nui, me te utu mō ngā mahi nui. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai i ēnei hiahia o ngā tāne piripono te whakararuraru i ngā kare ā-roto pērā i te, "Ki te kore koe e noho tahi me ahau, ko te tikanga kāore koe e aroha ana ki ahau". Nō reira, ko te hiahia ki te noho tahi me te tangata he taputapu whakamana, kaua ki te whanonga e akiakihia ana e te aroha."
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa tāne piripono?
2. Kei te waea atu, kei te tuku karere atu rānei ia ki a koe
Ko te tāne piripono e hiahia tonu ana kia noho tonu i tō taha. Ina kore e taea e ia te noho tinana ki tō taha, ka pupuhi ia i tō waea ki ngā waea, ki ngā tuhinga, me ngā meme. Ā, ehara i te mea ko te ataata ngeru orotika me te meme rorirori i ētahi wā i a koe e mahi ana. Ki te waea mai ia i ia hāora, ā, ka tukuna e ia e 25 ngā karere kuputuhi "Kei te ngaro ahau i a koe" i roto i te roanga o te rā mahi, he tāne rawakore kei roto i ō ringaringa.
E kī ana a Sampreeti, "E pai ana ētahi hoa ki te noho tahi me te katoa. Ki te whakatau he tika, he hē rānei tēnei whanonga, me whai whakaaro ngā hoa e rua. Heoi, ki te rerekē te whakaaro o tētahi hoa mō te wāhi whaiaro me te wāhi mō te tokorua, ā, kāore te hoa e aro pai ana ki tēnā, tera pea he tohu rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro."
3. Te āhua nei kua mutu tana noho tahi me tētahi atu tangata i tua atu i a koe
He mea rongonui tēnei. E tatari ana ia ki a koe i waho tonu o tō tari. E noho tahi ana ia me koe i te tina. Nāu ana wiki mutunga. E takoto puku ana ia i runga i te tūru i tō taha i ngā rā wiki. Kāore tana waea e tangi, kāore e whiti mai i ngā karere kuputuhi. E whakaaro ana koe kei hea ana hoa katoa. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te noho tahi, ki te inu rānei i muri i te mahi? He pēhea ia e wātea tonu ai, e rite ai hoki ki te noho tahi me koe?
Ki te mea ko tōna porowhita pāpori me tōna oranga katoa kei roto i a koe, ko koe anake, nā te mea kua whakarērea e ia te katoa kia taea ai e ia te noho tahi me koe anake. Ā, ki te mea ehara tēnā i te tohu o te tangata rawakore, kāore mātou e mōhio he aha. Tērā pea ka ora, ka mate hoki tōna oranga pāpori me koe nā te mea he manu mokemoke ia e ārahi ana i a ia ki te whakaatu i ngā āhuatanga o te tangata rawakore.
4. E hiahia ana ia ki te mahi i ngā mea katoa me koe
E hiahia ana ia ki te mātaki i te kiriata toa hou me koe. E hiahia ana ia ki te kawe i a koe ki ngā whakataetae pēihipora. Ka haere tahi māua ki te hokohoko. Ka tatari ia ki te mātaki i tētahi whakaaturanga i runga i a Netflix kia mātaki tahi ai kōrua. He tino ātaahua katoa, āe. Engari kaua i te wā e whakaroa ana ia i tōna oranga me ōna hiahia kia taea ai e kōrua te whai wāhi tahi. Kāore ngā tāne piripono e pai ki te mahi i tētahi mea ko koe anake, me te taha rānei o tētahi atu. Me noho tonu koe. Ko te tikanga, ka tere te huri o te ātaahua ki te whakamataku.
Te pānui e pā ana: Anei te huarahi e taea ai e te piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga te whakangaro
5. Ka riri ia ina kore koe e whakarērea ō hoa, e ngana ana hoki kia noho tahi rāua
Ka nui ake te kitea o ngā raruraru o te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne rawakore ina tumanako ia ki te momo haumi kare ā-roto koretake mai i a koe. Kāore tētahi tangata whai mate tāne rawakore e hiahia ki te noho tahi me tētahi atu engari ko koe anake. Ā, kāore hoki ia e hiahia kia noho tahi koe me tētahi atu. Ka tino hae te tāne rawakore mēnā ka haere koe ki te inu me ō hoa, kāore ia.
Ka kī ia e kore ia e arohia e te tangata e arohaina ana e iaKua whakarērea e ia te katoa mōu. Kāore ia e mārama he aha e kore ai e taea e koe te mahi i te mea kotahi mōna. "Ko te tapahi i ngā rauemi pāpori hauora kua whakapumautia he tohu whero mō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore. Ki te mea kei te akiakihia te hoa ki te mahi pērā, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaaroaro ki tōna tūranga me tōna tūranga i roto i te whanaungatanga," te kī a Sampreeti.
6. Ko tāna mahinga e aro ana ki tāu
Kua whakarerekētia e ia tana mahi katoa kia rite ki tāu. Tērā pea kāore tana tari e tīmata tae noa ki te 11 i te ata, engari kāore ia e pai ki te moe roa kia taea ai e ia te noho tahi me koe mō ētahi haora i te ata. Ka whakaritea e ia tana wā ki te taote niho i te rā kotahi me tāu. Ka tīmata ia ki te haere ki ngā toa kotahi, ki ngā toa hokohoko kotahi, ki ngā tākuta kotahi. Me rite tonu ōna rā hararei ki ōu. Kei tō taha tonu ia i te wā e puta atu ai koe i te tari. Ka taea e au te haere tonu engari ki taku whakaaro kua mārama koe ki te tikanga.
"Hei tāpiritanga," te kī a Sampreeti, "He mea āwhina te mōhio he aha te hiranga o tēnei tikanga mō tō hoa. Ka tipu ake tātou katoa me te whakaaro mō te whanaungatanga. Waihoki, ka whai whakaaro anō hoki tō tātou hoa. Ko te raruraru, kāore pea tā rātou whakaaro e ōrite ki tā tātou. He mea nui kia mārama ki tā rātou tauira whanaungatanga, ā, reo aroha"Ka taea e ngā whakarerekētanga te tīmata mai i reira."
7. Kāore ia e mutu te mihi ki a koe
E pai ana tātou katoa ki te mihi mai a te hunga e arohaina ana e tātou, e pai ana ki a tātou. Mā te karanga mai i a tātou he ataahua, mā te pai rānei ki te makawe hou kua riro i a tātou ka taea te whakapai ake i tō tātou rā. Engari mā te tangata rawakore ka piki ake te taumata. Kāore e taea e ia te mutu te mihi atu ki a koe. Tō makawe, ō taringa, tō mowhiti ihu, tāu whiriwhiri kawhe, te āhua o tō whakarārangi i ō kōnae, tō tūnga moe – he mea tika katoa ki a ia kia mihia.
Ā, koinei tonu te mea e whakaaro ai koe, "He whakarihariha ngā tāne piripono." Mā te mihi mai a tō hoa ka nui ake tō whakapehapeha. Engari i muri i tētahi wā, he mea nui kia mōhio koe koinei tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o te tāne rawakore, ā, me whakakāhore koe i te whakaae ki tēnei whanonga apo.
8. Ka riri ia mēnā kāore koe e tuku i a ia kia haere tahi i ngā wāhi katoa
Ae, he pai ki a koe te haere tahi me ia ki ngā wāhi maha. Ā, kāore koe e māharahara ina noho tahi ia me ō hoa. Engari, kei tō taha tonu ia ahakoa he pō whakangahau kōtiro tāu. Kei tō taha tonu ia ina haere koe ki te hui marena a tō hoa pai, ki tana hui whānau, ki te tina rānei me ō mātua.
Ko te whakaaro o ka āwangawanga ia i te hoatutanga i te wāhi ki a koe... Ka ngana ia ki te haere ki ngā akomanga kotahi me koe. Ka aru ia i a koe ki te tari mēnā ka taea e ia. Ki te kore e taea e ia te haere tahi, ka ngana ia ki te whakatenatena i a koe kia kaua e haere. I tēnei wā, me te mea kei te piri tonu ia ki tō taha. O ngā tohu hoa tāne katoa e hiahia ana, whakapirihia he pine ki tēnei, nā te mea kāore he tangata e tika ana kia ngaro tō wāhi whaiaro.
5 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Mēnā Kei te Whakaipoipo Koe i tētahi Tāne Rawe
Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te mahi tahi me tētahi tāne rawakore? Ehara i te mea ko te wehe i tētahi tāne rawakore anake te otinga. Ehara i te mea i ngā wā katoa. I ētahi wā, ka taea e koe te mahi kia tere ai te whakatau i ngā raruraru. Nō reira, mēnā kei te whakaaro koe kei te piri rawa ia, anei ētahi mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatika:
Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa e whakararuraru ana i a koe
1. Kōrero
Kāore he mea e pai ake ana i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora. Ina he te kore korero I roto i te whanaungatanga, tera pea kāore ia e mōhio ki tāna e mahi nei. He mea nui te kōrero me te kī atu ki tō hoa rangatira kua tīmata koe te kore e pai ki te kore o te wāhi. Kia maumahara kaua e whakapataritari engari kia mārama ki ō āwangawanga me ō hiahia. He maha ngā wā ka taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama te mahi whakamiharo.
2. Whakatakotoria he rohe mārama
Kōrero ki a ia mō ngā rohe. Waihangahia he huinga ture matua. Ki te mea kua tino kore e taea te whakahaere, waihangahia he kaupapa e whakaatu mārama ana i te roanga o te wā e whakaaetia ana kia noho tahi kōrua i mua i te okiokinga me te noho tahi me ētahi atu tāngata. Ahakoa he aha te mea e pai ana. Me whakarite kia mārama rātou kāore e tika kia whakararuraruhia ēnei ture me ngā rohe e hangaia ana e kōrua tahi mēnā kāore he āhuatanga ohorere.
Te pānui e pā ana: Te Whakaipoipo i Muri i te Wehenga - Te Rautaki Tino Pai e 9 Ngā Hipanga
3. Whakapaua te wā ki te wehe
Me wehe atu tetahi i tetahi. Me haere pea ki te whakataa. Me haere hararei ki Bali ko koe anake. Me noho wehe noa i tetahi wā hei whakamahara ki a ia ka taea e kōrua te noho, te mahi, me te tupu pai ahakoa kāore tetahi i tetahi. Whakamaharatia ki a ia te hiranga o te wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga.
E whakaaro ana hoki a Sampreeti he mea nui kia tino mōhio koe ki te roa o tēnei okiokinga. Ko te hoa e hiahia ana ki te piri tonu, kāore pea e pai ki te whakaaro o te okiokinga. Nō reira, he mea nui kia kitea me pēhea te whakahaere i tēnei mahi, nā te mea he rerekē ngā āhuatanga o ia whanaungatanga.
4. Whakaaroa he rongoā
Ki te tino pai te āhua o ngā mea, ā, kāore he mea e pai ana, kua tae pea te wā ki te rapu āwhina a ngā tohunga. Ka taea e te whakaora takitahi te mahi whakamiharo ina tae ki te whakakore i ngā take o ēnei momo hiahia. He whakaaro pai anō hoki te whakaora takirua i roto i ēnei āhuatanga. He tohunga, he mātau hoki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mō Te rōpū tohunga o Bonobology kei konei tonu mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakapakari i tō whanaungatanga.
5. Ki te kore tetahi mea e mahi ana, whakahaerehia
I ētahi wā, kāore rawa he whakautu. Kāore te tangata i te tikanga kia noho tahi. He takitahi motuhake tātou katoa, he āhua rerekē, he hiahia, he wawata anō hoki tō ia tangata. Ā, me whai wāhi tātou katoa ki te manawa. Ko te pakaru haere o te wāhi o te tangata ka pā kino ki te hinengaro me te tinana. Nō reira, ki te kore tetahi mea e mahi - ehara i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ehara i ngā mahi o ia rā, ahakoa te rongoā - kua tae pea te wā ki te tākai me te haere. Ehara i te mea kāore koe i ngana. Engari ko ētahi mea kāore i te tikanga kia pērā.
Tohutohu Matua
- Ka hiahia te tangata rawakore ki te whakapau i tōna wā katoa ki a koe, me te waea atu me te tuku karere ki a koe
- Te āhua nei, kāore ōna oranga pāpori, kua whakarērea rānei e ia kia noho tahi me koe.
- Ka whakarerekē ia i tana kaupapa mahi kia rite ki tāu, ā, e tumanako ana kia pērā anō hoki koe
- Hei whakatau i ngā tāne piripono, me mārama te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me whakatakoto hoki i ētahi rohe pakari.
- Me whai wā okioki pea koe, me haere rānei ki te wānanga tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine.
- Ki te pai te tuhi i ngā kōrero, ko te wehenga pea te huarahi anake hei anga whakamua
Ka taea e te tangata rawakore te huri? Tērā pea i roto i te wā me te kaha. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kite i te rawakore. He maha ngā wā ka pohehe tātou i ngā tohu o te tangata rawakore hei manaaki, ka kiia e tātou he whanonga ātaahua, ā, ka mutu ka tāpirihia he wahie ki te mura. Nā tēnei he mea nui ake te mōhio ki ngā tohu ārai me te ngana ki te aukati i taua whanonga i te tīmatanga.
FAQs
Ko te pupuri tonu i te wāhi me te wā o tō hoa, te hiahia kia whakamanahia tonutia e aroha pono ana tō hoa ki a koe, te hae koretake me te hī ika mō ngā mihi, te tono kia wātea mai rātou i te waea, i te WhatsApp rānei i te roanga o te rā – he tohu katoa ēnei o te whanonga hiahia.
Ahakoa te āhua ātaahua o te hiahia o tō hoa i te tīmatanga, ahakoa kāore i te ātaahua, e kore e roa ka huri hei mea whakarihariha mēnā ka roa te mau tonu o taua āhua.
Ka taea e koe te whakamātau i ngā mea katoa kei roto i tō ringa hei whakatika i tēnei āhuatanga, mai i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama ki te whakatakoto rohe ki te haere ki te wānanga mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Ki te kore tetahi mea e pai ana, ā, kei te whakapataritari te tāne e matea ana e koe, ko te whakatau whakaaro nui ko te wehe i te whanaungatanga.
Te Wairua i roto i te Hononga: He aha te Tikanga o tēnei i roto i te Hononga
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
